//------------------------------// // Debriefings, Diners, and Disharmony // Story: The Bon Identity // by DashEight //------------------------------// Dr. Treble Clef, Congratulations are in order, I suppose. Your team is assigned a simple reconnaissance operation and ends up saving a city from destruction. Nopony in the Service had any idea those warheads were still active, much less that one was missing. I will be meeting with EUP Command shortly to... discuss... the timely sharing of critical data. The communiqué your agents recovered was troubling to say the least. This villian was clearly not acting alone, and we have no inkling of her partners' identities or motivations. We happened to be in the right place at the right time to stop this plot, and we cannot rely on such luck in the future. Somepony spent a significant amount of resources to aquire that weapon, and I want to know why. In the meantime, I wish your agents a safe return to the homeland. Please offer my congratulations to Agent Drops, I understand she has graduated to full operational status? Assign her a team and place her into rotation, we need all the good ponies we can get out there. The clock is running out on far more thousand-year prophecies than I am comfortable with. And Doctor, I understand your ponies made the best of a poor situation, but do remind them that we are a clandestine outfit? This is the third midday shootout in as many months. Prince Blueblood is not a miracle worker, if this keeps up the press will eventually notice. Regards, -Director Fancypants Sunflower Café Ponyville 1001, Second Era of the Two Sisters The Morning After Bon-Bon Started That Story (Feels like it's been longer, right?) "Oh Em Cee, you really blew up a submarine? That's crazy! Like, Discord-level nuts!" Bon-Bon smiled as she sipped her teacup. "I really did. It was an interesting weekend." "Bonnie, an 'interesting weekend' is a when the girls visit from Canterlot," Lyra pointed out through a mouthful of daisy-and-mushroom omelette. "That's wayyyyyy past 'interesting weekend'! You were like, 'yeah what's up evil jerks, I'm totally one of yous guys', and they were like, 'nuh uh!' And then you were all 'I don't think so!' And they got, like, super peeved and..." She gesticulated wildly with her hovering fork, tossing bits of egg and vegetable around the patio table as her train of thought slowly derailed into exaggerated sound-effects. "Smash! Fwoosh! BOOM! I mean, on a scale of One to End-of-World-Party, that's at least a Magical-Guitar-Solo-Duel!" "Magical guitar duel?" Bon-Bon asked as she leaned her head down to nibble at a piece of toast. "It's a thing! We used to have them at the School for Gifted Unicorns. Some upperclassmare won, like, every single time until she dropped out of school a few years ago. Sunny... Something. Sunset Sparkle? No wait, I'm thinking of Twilight... anyways, not the point. They're a-mazing, but your spy job blows them out of the water!" "It's not always like that," Bon-Bon replied. "Actually, it's usually pretty boring. Lots of paperwork and analysis. The field can be dull too, most of my earlier missions were spent meeting informants or tagging monsters for the commando ponies. My first assignment in Manehattan was just to assist on a routine ghostbusting, for example." "Really? Booo-ring." "I know, right?" Bon-Bon snorted, almost spraying her friend with tea as she tried not to laugh. "We trotted around an old mansion yelling 'Maybe we should split up to cover more ground' for a few hours! Then boo, trap, done, time to go home. Most underwhelming undead ever. So, guitar duels? I thought I was the one with the double life, now I find out you're secretly a rock star?" "Hah! Not my kind of strings, filly. Sorry to disappoint. They made the school dances awesome, even if the same mare always won. 'Rock Showdown' was one of the few events where we could beat Canterlot Academy. It kinda sucked having the Princess for a dean, she always made us play fair even when those douchey slop-troughs were stacking the deck." "Oh, and I was so hoping you'd whip out a guitar and start playing power chords on top of the table. Also, my oldest friend-slash-your current boss went to CA, so play nice..." Lyra rolled her eyes and waved a hoof, accidentally flinging a floating forkful of hash hay clear across several tables. "Oh come on, it's not like that, its just a school rivalry thing!" She continued, oblivious to her projectile and the cries of "the HORROR!" that followed its landing. As a trio of ponies collapsed to the floor in shock a few feet over, she leaned in conspiratorially. "Buuuut, if you want to talk secret rock stars, you'll never guess who plays in her off-time..." Treble, I can't thank you enough for your agency's assistance. Your ponies brought one of my Guardstallions home safe and sound, and stopped a disaster caused by our own carelessness. You have no idea how sorry I am that we kept you in the dark. The clearance on those damn bombs was so high only a few ponies on the base itself were need-to-know, and they're still picking up the pieces from the raid. As far as everypony else here was concerned, Yoke Mountain was just another ammunition depot. Listen, the EUP owes your outfit big time, as do I personally. Whatever you need, troops, artillery, an airship and a squadron of Wonderbolts, just say the word. My officers are selecting candidates to work with your ponies so this mistake won't happen again. LCpl Flash Sentry will be included in this detachment, if that's acceptable. He managed to get caught up in your Agents' operations and lived to tell the tale, that gives him more experience in your world than most of my infantrystallions. Hardly standard procedure, but we both need trustworthy ponies on this. If a stallion can't trust his own son, than who can he? Once again, as a friend and father, thank you. You have my eternal gratitude. Fratres in Aeternum, General Stalwart Sentry Royal Guard of Equestria Chief of Staff, Earth-Unicorn-Pegasus Joint Operations Command P. S. Your Director paid HQ a visit yesterday afternoon, and now three of my staff officers have been diagnosed with PTSD. That stallion is terrifying. Some heads up would be appreciated next time. "No. Bucking. Way." Bon-Bon stood, forelegs on the patio table, eyes wide with suprise. "Crazy, right? You'd never think she was the type! Maybe Minuette," Lyra giggled, "or me! We've both got that showmare personality." "So what, she just threw on mane and tail wigs and nopony in the school recognized her??" "Well, a lot of us figured it out, but we kept quiet 'cause we liked her shows. That filly can rock out! Her poor coltfriend, though... guy was in love with her stage persona, and he never realized they were the same pony!" Lyra wiped her muzzle with a napkin, then tried tidying up her side of the table for a minute before declaring it a lost cause. "Should we pay the bill and get going? I think I owe Order Up a nice tip for this." "Ly, if you paid him what he deserves, we'd both be broke and living in a wagon down by the river." "You are a mare of wisdom," Lyra said as she dropped a stack of bits amid her mess. "Back to the shop, then?" "Hm," Bon-Bon remarked as she glanced at the Café's wall clock. "I don't have to open for another two hours, want to take a walk around downtown?" "Sure!" Lyra exclaimed. "I should head by the theater anyway and grab some of my sheets for tomorrow. We might actually make some progress now that everpony's had a day to relax!" Bon-Bon nodded, dropping her own tribute to Order Up on the table as they turned for the exit. The waiter watched them go with a suspicious look, his narrowed eyes darting back and forth between the two mares, the mess they had left, and their golden peace offering. As they passed the hostess stand on the way out, he gave Bon-Bon a tiny nod, signalling his acceptance of their gift. She acknowledged with a nod of her own before quickening her pace to catch up with her chatty friend. "...and I've had my eye on a new tuning key, might stop in the music shop. Maybe we can hit the stalls, do some grocery shopping! Carrot Top has her booth up today, we can say hi to her." Lyra mused as they trotted under the midmorning Ponyville sun. "That sounds lovely. I need to pick something up from Time Turner's first, let's meet up at the stalls in thirty minutes?" Lyra gave her friend a quizzical look. "You sure you don't want to come with me to the theater? The setup's pretty impressive. For as much of a workhorse as she's been, Octavia really--oh... sure, it's no problem, see you then!" "Thanks. I'd love to see your work, but I really do need to get to Turner's place before he leaves for the day. Don't worry, we'll do some shopping after! See you soon," Bon-Bon waved a hoof at her friend as she trotted off towards the town's performing arts center. It was odd that Lyra let the issue drop so easily; her friend was pushier than two goats at the edge of a cliff and she tended to miss subtle--or obvious--social cues. Just when you think you have somepony completely figured out... Octie! It's so good to hear from you! I've been stressing out for WEEKS over this big [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] and now that it's finally all over I can't wait to see you again! I'll be in Canterlot the morning after tomorrow but your dad has us doing this whole After Action review thing, plus I have to meet with the promotion board. I'm trying to adjust my sleep schedule back to Canterlot time instead of [REDACTED] so with any luck we can meet up as soon as that's all done! Homecoming weekend at CA sounds like a lot of fun, I'm so excited! Lots of love from {DATA EXPUNGED}, Sweetie Octavia Melody trudged through the double doors of the Ponyville Theatre with a heavy sigh, wondering, not for the first time in the past few months, if perhaps this whole play was a mistake. Nopony warned her that directing would be so exhausting. Corraling part-time actors, musicians, and stage crew would be bad enough for a local production, but Lullaby for a Princess was selling out in Manehattan and Canterlot. She had only managed to aquire the Ponyville production rights through Rarity's Bridleway connections. Think of the embarassment, the shame, if her version bombed! She could never look her Orchestra mates in the eye again! She would be a pariah, the name 'Octavia' added to every blacklist from here to Applewood! The stakes were high, but she wouldn't have minded so much if she could just catch a bloody break. For the last month, her life had slowly devolved into a nightmare of delays, compromise, schedule coordination, and unpredictable actresses and crew. She couldn't rightly ask her cast to put their lives on hold for her, not without a major increase in the payroll budget. Coordinating her adaptation with the main production in Manehattan was difficult and time-consuming. She had seen the set go through three Cutie Mark Crusader-related structural failures. Her special-effects pony was a pompous twit, her band's first chair a scatterbrained Valley mare, and while the actresses playing Princess Celestia and Luna both posessed amazing singing voices, they were an insecure wreck and a prima donna, respectively. She was quite pleased with her choice for the role of Discord, but the runner-up for the part seemed to take his rejection personally. All that, she could handle. What she couldn't handle was said runner-up booking the theater out from under her muzzle and using it to put on his own show. A show which she could easily hear from her backstage office and was currently grinding her down to her Very. Last. Nerve. "Good mor-ning, Miss Melody!" A jovial voice cried out. The Master of Chaos leered at her from the stage, floating and twisting his mismatched serpentine body in the spotlight. "So wonderful for you to join us! I daresay I could use a more receptive audience," he gestured to four cardboard cutouts adorned with poorly-drawn caricatures of ponies. The cutouts appeared alive, shaking their hooves at Discord and heckling him with high-pitched gibberish. He crossed his forelimbs and blew a raspberry at the unruly audience, twisting in midair to avoid a few rotten apples hucked his way. "The nerve of some ponies..." he growled, then shook his head. Reassuming his plastic smile, he turned back to Octavia. "Soo... how's the little play going?" "It's going horribly and now I've lost another day to prepare because you stole my stage out from under me, you brute!" "Miss Melody, I'm shocked that you would accuse me of such a henious crime! You wound me," he placed his forelimbs over his chest and sagged in midair, eyes squeezed shut and tounge rolling out as if he were dying. He popped open one eye to guage the crowd's reaction, seeing that absolutely nopony was buying it. "Haven't you heard? I'm a new draconequus now! A model citizen! No more rule-breaking for me!" "I know. Everypony knows. You've reminded the town of that on a regular basis ever since you stabbed us all in the back and left us at Tirek's mercy." She stared daggers at him. While the mischief maker had shaped up his act since then, Octavia's patience was rapidly nearing its end. Discord deflated, his liveliness visibly drained away as Octavia watched. "Touché, Octavia. Touché." He perked back up a little. "But since then I've dedicated myself to earning back everypony's trust! Why just last week the Ponyville Pet Adoption Center applauded my volunteer efforts!" "Ah yes, speaking of that, where is your parole officer?" "Visiting her mother in Cloudsdale," Discord waved away the question, "but the point remains, I've changed! I can assure you, when I submitted my rental request for today I abode by every bylaw of the Equestrian Performing Arts Association. No chaos involved." "You travelled back in time to submit your request before me!" "Ah, but that is a law of physics, not theater," he corrected. "Completely different. Besides, I'm hardly the only one in town who breaks those rules." Octavia massaged her forehead with a hoof. "Look, I understand you're upset you didn't get the part, but Mr. Magnet is a gifted actor and you didn't even bother reading the script! It was nothing personal." "I think I can be trusted to remember my own life, Miss Melody." "You did not grow five hundred feet tall and hooffight a giant robot piloted by the Princesses!" "Ugh, revisionist history." He grimaced. "Anyhow, that's all water under the bridge. I understand your choice completely." "THEN WHAT IS THE POINT OF ALL THIS!?" A vein in Octavia's forehead throbbed in anger. Discord put on yet another mock-offended face, gasping in idignation. "Why, love of the arts, of course! Surely you must understand, as a fellow artisté yourself?" He snapped his eagle talon, materializing a stool below him. He floated down to it, and with a second snap and flash of light, he materialized a microphone and a thick tome in his asymmetrical forelimbs. "Take a seat! You're just in time for the encore." He grinned evilly and crossed his dragon leg over his goat hoof. The title on the worn cover read The Complete Reference Guide to Words, Phrases, and Actions That Drive Octavia Melody Insane, Volume One. "Ahem," he cleared his throat. "Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet. Ain't. Like, totally! Irregardless. Moist. Moist moist moist moist moist moist moist moist..." Octavia's eye twitched. Everything went red. "RAAAAAAAAAAGHH!" She screamed at the heavens and stomped past the stage towards her office. "Moist moist moist moist moist moist..." Discord's voice followed her backstage. She ground her teeth together. Reaching her office, she stormed inside the darkened room and slammed the door shut. "Well well well, I've been expecting you..." Confusion momentarily overshadowed rage in Octavia's mind. She turned to her desk, where her high-backed swivel chair faced away from her. In the darkness, she could just make out a mint-green horn poking out above the chair. Hooves clicked together, illuminating the room's lamp. The chair slowly rotated around, revealing a smirking Lyra Heartstrings sitting in her usual strange posture. Her hindlegs were crossed, her foreooves pressed together as she leaned foward. "I think we--whoa." She recoiled as she noticed anger boiling off Octavia. Her 'villian smirk' vanished instantly. "You know what, I actually haven't been expecting you at all? I think I got the wrong office, I'll just let myself out..." She moved for the door. "Sit. Down." Lyra felt her flank plop to the floor. "What are you doing here, Heartstrings?" "I, umm, actually, I well... I needed to pick up some of my sheets!" Score one for Lyra! "Yes, to go over them for tomorrow! That and nothing else!" "And that involved breaking into my office and ambushing me why?" "I... thought they were in here?" She tried to hold her wavering smile under the assault of Octavia's withering glare. It didn't last long. "Okay, okay! I wanted to talk to you! About Bon-Bon! Well, I guess she was Sweetie Drops back then. Please just stop looking at me like that!" Octavia wasn't sure what she was expecting from Lyra, but it wasn't that. Her mouth worked soundlessly for a few moments, her anger forgotten. "So, she finally told you, then?" "Um, guess so." The two stared at each other as the clock ticked by. Neither knew quite what to say. Octavia broke the silence first. "I'm happy for the both of you, but I really shouldn't talk about Sweetie behind her back." "Bonnie won't talk about you. You both've lived in town for two years and I've barely seen you speak to each other." Lyra sighed. "What happened that was so awful? From what she says, you two were best friends as fillies." "It wasn't like that, I bear her no ill will," Octavia reassured her. "Sweetie-- ahem, Bon-Bon and I simply grew apart. We led very different lives." Lyra relaxed a bit. "Well, maybe not completely different anymore. Ponyville has quite the record of invading villians." Lyra giggled. The room fell silent again as both ponies considered their next words. "moist moist moist moist moist..." Octavia felt a wave of frustration return. "Let's make a deal, Lyra. If you would be so kind as to cast a Soundproofing spell over my office, I will gladly explain my history with Sweetie."