????
I’m drowning, I don’t know how and I don’t what I’m drowning in but I’m drowning.
Whatever this stuff is it’s hard to move, but I keep at it pushing hard and harder until I see a glimmer of light.
A little more effort and I burst free of the substance that was imprisoning me. What was that stuff anyway?
I look down at me feet to see that it was dirt, I was literally buried alive.
How did I survive that let alone manage to dig myself out with not room to work with?
This starting to get really disturbing.
“MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” The sound of maniacal laughter causes me to look up.
Is that a teal Unicorn?
I blink to confirm my suspicions before looking past the probably insane mare, or what I assume is a mare due to the very feminine voice.
Clustered together facing the insane unicorn are six ponies. Two normal looking ones that are pink and orange respectively, two pegasi that are blue and yellow, a white unicorn, and some kind of unicorn Pegasus hybrid.
Ok…this is the single strangest moment of my life, well aside from my dreams but dreams are supposed to be crazy.
“MWHAHAHAHA!” The insane unicorn mare laughs before pointing at me. “Now, my evil, undead minion, go and destroy these interlopers!”
WHAT!?
“I’m not destroying anyone!? The stomp my foot down in indignation and ignore the ‘undead’ comment, this is clearly one crazy unicorn. “Especially not for some crazy person I don’t even know!”
“What?!” the crazy unicorn bellows in disbelief. “Do you not seek to destroy these interlopers on sight? Does not they’re very appearance feel you with a burning hatred?”
I look at the collected group of ponies and feel nothing, the pink one even gives me a friendly wave. “No not really they haven’t done anything to hurt me.” I wave back to the pink one. “The pink one is really nice though.”
“But that doesn’t make any sense!” the unicorn exclaims “You’re supposed to be evil!”
“Evil? Why is it because I look different from you?” I cross my arms in disappointment. “I mean I know it’s a thing for living beings to be suspicious of things different from themselves, but to assume that I’m evil right off the bat? That’s just hurtful.”
“Oh my goodness,” the pink pony exclaims. “The evil necromancer is racist!”
“I am not!” The Unicorn mare looks visibly angry. “And I will not take that language from one of you hicks from ponyvile!”
“Hicks?” This time the orange pony talks, possessing a remarkably southern accent. “What do ya mean by hicks?!”
“Please everyone knows that ponyvile is the single most racist town in the entire country!” The unicorn waves her hooves wildly “You guys fly into mass panic the second a Zebra enters the town limits!”
“I don’t think stereotyping an entire town is helping your case.” I say flatly in response to the Unicorns rant. “And I’m still very hurt by you calling just assuming that I’d be evil. I mean we humans aren’t that bad when you get to know us.”
“Listen it wasn’t because of your species.” The Unicorn raises a hoof up in an attempt to placate me. “It’s because you’re an undead minion conjured up using my dark magic, those are usually evil you know.”
I cross my arms. “You’re joking right?”
“About what?” the mare asks. “About undead usually being evil or about you being undead?”
“The latter” I say flatly.
“Oh in that case I’m not.” She says “I mean have you even looked at yourself, your pretty clearly a member of the living dead.”
I look down to see that my feet and hands have been reduced to masses of rotting flesh and exposed bone just barely covered with grey skin…I’m really glad my clothes are mostly intact I don’t even want to know what the rest of my body looks like right now.
Ahahahahaha…I’m dead.
I’m dead.
Past my expiration date.
I’m dead.
Like the republican parties basic human decency.
I’m dead.
That’s Funny, I like political jokes.
I lay down and curl up into the fettle position.
I miss my cats.
Twilight Sparkles POV
This isn’t quite what I’d expected when I’d first set out with my friends to stop the evil Necromancer Grave Digger.
Well ok I had expected to face the undead as they are a staple of necromancer magic, and where one of the most common types of evil beings regardless but the idea of a non-evil undead was completely out of left field.
Thankfully it was just as much of a surprising to Grave Digger as was to you if the wide eyes and open mouth mean anything.
“So” Rainbow Dash asks from behind you. “Now that the undeads weeping on the floor do we try and capture the necromancer or what?”
“I surrender.” Grave Digger’s voice is flat and tired sounding “I just…I give up. I didn’t get anywhere near the number undead I was hoping and I really don’t think any of my backup plans will work in this situation.”
Well that was a lot easier then I’d thought it would be.
“Say.” Applejack asks as she walks over and ties up Grave Digger. “Now I know beating the necromancer is good feat and all, but what about the undead? I mean we can’t just leave him here, not like this.”
“The poor thing.” Fluttershy speaks up. “He must be so alone.”
I can’t disagree with that, humans have been extinct since long before modern ponykind evolved let alone managed to form civilizations.
“Meow” Before I can actually say anything a pair of undead cats, one orange and one grey walk over to the human and lay down next to him, causing him to reach out and pet them as he continued to have a minor panic attack on the floor.
“I didn’t actually try to bring either of those back.” Grave Digger comments as we look at the twin felines. “They must have been really close to the human when he died.”
“I think the orange one is evil.” Pinkie Pie comments as she glares at the orange cat, who hisses at her in response.
“Well the cats aside we still have to do something about the undead human.” I say as look the human over. “Killing him is clearly out of the question given that he’s not insane, but I don’t know where we’d put him, the Library’s clearly too public for him, and I’m not locking him in the basement.
“Well I have an extra barn we could use until we contact the Princess.” Applejack suggests “It’s out of the way so we won’t need ta worry about other ponies just wandering in and it’s certainly better than some musty old basement or similar.”
“Well” I look over the assembled group. “I guess it’s the best where going to get on such short notice. I’ll send a letter to the princess as soon as possible so we can someone better equipped to help out, until then we’ll have to watch over him to make sure he doesn’t freak out and hurt himself, any volunteers?”
“Ooooh me me.” Pinkie Pie bounces up and down “I’ve got tomorrow off pick me!”
“I’ll help with the first shift.” Rainbow Dash volunteers “I think Pinkie might be too much for the poor guy to handle by himself.”
Well I suppose Pinkies as good a person for the first watch as any, and Rainbow Dash should be able to keep her from scaring the poor guy half to death.
“Ok” I say “You two can take the first shift.”
“Yay!” Pinkie Pie cheers before bouncing around the room.
Why do I have the feeling that I’ve made a horrible mistake?