Ted Cruz
Ted Cruz was next. His campaign manager had told him that he'd do well in a mostly earth-pony town, since they were industrious, hard workers; practical and loyal. He picked Ponyville, because his favorite pony lived there.*
When he pulled his not-ostentatious bus into the center of town, there was a throng of ponies there to meet him, all of them holding up signs with his name on them. There were a few misspelled signs—one bulky white pegasus was holding a sign that said 'Terry Crews', and he looked disappointed when Ted got out of his campaign bus—but that was okay. It was the thought that counted.
He just noticed out of the corner of his eye a Volkswagen van that was barely concealed behind a short hedge and a pile of campaign signs, but he ignored it.
Instead, he picked up a megaphone and started to give a speech. He praised the hard-working Equestrians, and cursed the out-of-control government in Canterlot. He promised to fix the broken system, and make everypony proud to be an American by default. He also inwardly cursed Scalia's determination to keep serving on the Supreme Court despite having died, but he didn't let that color his campaign speech.
The ponies loved it. Every time that he praised their hard-working nature, they cheered. When he praised their loyalty, they cheered even louder.
He spent the rest of the afternoon shaking hooves with everypony in town except for the Cutie Mark Crusaders, who had been grounded as a result of their shenanigans.
Then he went out to Sweet Apple Acres, to have dinner with his favorite pony and her family.
He suffered through dinner—Granny Smith alternately fed him homespun homilies and tried to hook him up with Applejack—and then went out to walk the farm.
His otherwise successful visit came to an abrupt end when he was torn apart by timberwolves in Applejack's cornfield.
Big Mac and Applejack shared a look.
“Ought ta fix that fence.”
“Eeyup.”