All is quiet in Equestria. The sun hasn't quite risen yet, still hiding behind the green hills in the distance of Ponyville. No creature in their right mind would be awake at this time. Not even Pinkie Pie herself, and that is really saying something. Filthy Rich, however, is a very sleepless pony. After all, he is a business pony. He finds himself piled up to the chin in paperwork very often. It is of no surprise that he has to endure many nights without getting any sleep whatsoever. But it is what keeps his business booming and his pockets full. It is during these dreadful times that Filthy thanks Celestia for the creation of coffee. He is uncertain that the princess is directly responsible for such a wonder. All he knows is work would be unbearable without it. Yeah, a cup sounds pretty good about now, considering he still has about eight more papers to go through. Little does he know that his morning is about to get a bit hectic.
A couple of ponies are approaching Ponyville in a carriage being pulled by two white stallions. Their intentions are about to be made quite clear for the Rich residence.
"So, why are we doing this so early in the morning, Mortar? Why not wait until it's dark and there is nopony around?" The orange pony questions his blue comrade, while picking up a slightly rusty crowbar.
"The boss said that if we were to ever pick a time to rob these rich snobs, then the earliest hours of morning would be the best time, Pestle. Are you really going to object to his helpful advice? Now quit complaining or you aren't getting your share of the dough!" Mortar explains to his partner. Pestle had never been the brightest crayon in the box, and Mortar found himself constantly having to remind him of how much of a moron he is. Mortar, himself, was the textbook definition of the word hotheaded. He had no patience for his friend's stupidity at times.... and now was one of those times.
"And he is sure these ponies are asleep at this time? I mean, morning is an awfully risky time to be breaking and entering." Pestle adds looking more and more nervous as they approach their destination. "And how does the boss even know all of this stuff?" At this point, he is practically drenched in his own sweat.
Mortar slaps Pestle in the face, not hard enough to really hurt him, but hard enough to bring him to his senses. "Look, would you just calm down? It is a simple job. We dig under the fence at the South end of the yard. We crawl under it, climb through a window, crack open Filthy's safe, grab a couple bags of money, and leave. See? Easy as pie? Am I right?"
Pestle rubs his cheek, which is now red with a fresh hoofmark. "Ow, Mortar! You didn't have to slap me! Fine, alright! Let's just get this over with."
The carriage pulled up to the south side of Rich manor. The sun still has yet to even peek from behind the hills. Pestle and Mortar both put on their black ski masks. Mortar looks over at Pestle and nods his head, then he quietly approaches the ten foot tall fence. Pestle hesitantly grabs a shovel and follows his partner in crime. The two stare at the mansion beyond the fence with wide eyes. The house was gigantic! Much bigger than they could have anticipated. Pestle nervously looks around as if expecting to be assaulted by some undercover security just for looking at the place.
Mortar pats Pestle on the back in an attempt to put his mind at ease. "Relax," he whispers, "Just follow my lead and stick to the plan, and we will be okay. Got it?" Pestle takes a deep breath and releases, then he nods his head in agreement. "Good! Now get to digging! We're burning daylight!"
Meanwhile, Filthy has began the journey through his house to the kitchen. Just the thought of coffee at this time is making his mouth water. Ordinarily, he would have his butler, Randolph, get him his coffee, but at this point any excuse he could have to get away from those papers he would welcome with open hooves. He finally made it to the kitchen after what seemed like an eternity in his drowsy mind. He already had a fresh filter in the machine. He was always prepared for mornings like these. He freshly ground some coffee beans and put them into the filter. The aroma of the beans being freshly ground was driving him mad. He then poured water in the pot and turned the machine on. Rather than leaving to wait on the coffee to be ready, he just stood there and watched in wonder as each drop of coffee hit the inside of the pot. Such a thing of beauty.
At that moment, the two thieves are quickly making their way through the yard while avoiding Filthy's security. Why would Filthy have security detail anyway? No crime ever really happens in Equestria. Just the thought perplexes Mortar, but he decides it is best to just focus on the job at hand. Besides, there's only a couple of guards anyway. They successfully make it to the side of the house. Pestle quietly pushes open a window. At least the window wasn't locked. They both climb through the window making as little noise as possible. They both look around the dark room. It was hard to tell which room it was, but Mortar was willing to bet it was a living room based on the various pieces of furniture around the room.
"So where is Filthy's safe anyway?" Pestle broke the silence. Mortar was about to say something sarcastic, but then realized that Pestle may have a point. This house was enormous! Where the hell were they going from here?
"I assume it will be in his room. We just need to find his room." Mortar whispered in response. Now comes the real trouble. Actually finding Filthy Rich's room in this labyrinth.
Just then, Filthy came around the corner, walking past the duo with a cup on a plate balanced carefully on his muzzle. Thankfully, he didn't seem to notice the duo as he passed by the semi-dark room. It was just early enough in the morning that the room hadn't quite been illuminated yet. Why was he still awake?! Does he not know what time it is?! Then Mortar thought about it for a moment. Perhaps, they can use this to their advantage. Mortar gestured at Pestle to follow behind Filthy.
Eventually, he led them to a room lit bright with candles. Then, Mortar signals for Pestle to grab Rich and cover his mouth. But before Pestle could grab him, Filthy had already turned around. Just before he could scream, however, Pestle stuffs his hoof in his mouth. Mortar was repulsed at this, but he wasn't going to question the action, due to its effectiveness at stifling Filthy's shriek. Instead, Mortar waves a crowbar in Filthy's face.
"If you scream, we will beat you to a pulp. We don't plan on hurting you or your family. We just want the money from your safe. All of it. So how about you open it for us, huh?" Mortar states while placing the end of the crowbar on Filthy's cheek. Filthy nods in terror. Mortar looks at Pestle with a sly grin on his face and nods. Pestle just nods back and stands there. After a few moments of awkward silence, Mortar finally sees Pestle isn't taking the hint. "Get your damn hoof out of his mouth, you moron!"
"Oh.... right. Sorry, Mortar." Pestle apologizes.
Mortar glares at his partner. "You aren't supposed to use my name, dumbass!" Mortar exclaims with rage. "That's why we're wearing masks! Did you forget that we are in the middle of a robbery!"
Pestle puts a hoof to his mouth suddenly realizing what he had done. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to!" he pleads.
"Just forget it!" Mortar interjects angrily. Then he looks back to Filthy. "Just open the safe so we can get our money and we will be on our way. Please?!"
Filthy begins leading them downstairs. They come to a giant metal door. Filthy hesitates opening it at first, but is reminded of the situation when Mortar jabs him in the back with the rusted crowbar. Finally, the wealthy pony dialed in the correct passcode and opened the door. It was very creaky as it opened, which startled Mortar into believing somepony might have heard, so he had Pestle stand guard at the door to make sure the security didn't sneak up on them. Fortunately, it didn't appear as though anypony heard anything.
Mortar sighed in relief. Then, he flipped the light switch in the vault. Mortar's jaw dropped at the sight of the vault's contents. Piles upon piles of 100 bit pieces! It was as if he had died and gone to heaven. He had never seen so many bits in his life! This was enough to retire on. Mortar snapped himself out of his wealth-induced stupor, and tossed Filthy a duffel bag. "Start filling up the bags! The sooner you finish, the sooner we will leave! And make sure to really fill them. If you try to skimp out on me, I'll drag your daughter down here and beat the stuffing out of her!"
At the mention of his daughter, Filthy does not waste any time. He fills all the bags in just under ten minutes. Then, Mortar grabs two of the hefty bags full of gold and gestures Pestle to grab the other two. They were definitely heavier than he had anticipated. He then pushed Filthy into the vault. "It's best that you stay in here. Can't have you ratting us out to your security, now can we?" Mortar chuckled as he saluted the business pony and closed the door. Then the criminals proceeded back up the stairs. Each step burning the muscles in their legs. When they finally made it back up, they noticed that the sun was finally beginning to shine through the windows. It wasn't too bright just yet, so Celestia is just now beginning to raise the sun. Now they just need to leave back through the way they came.
Just as Mortar spotted the window they came in through, a little pink filly comes from around the corner and spots the two ski mask wearing ponies. Naturally, she screams. Loudly. Very loudly. She would give a banshee a run for its money. Speaking of which, that doesn't sound like a bad idea. "Run!" Mortar shouts no longer worried about being silent. They have been made. By a little pony.
Mortar crashes through the window and bolts as fast as he can towards the side of the fence they entered through. His hooves were practically on fire, but his adrenaline was rushing through him so fast he just ignored them. Pestle wasn't much further behind him. Mortar's eyes lit up at the sight of their getaway carriage waiting just on the other side of the fence.
"Toss the bags over the fence!" One of the stallions instructed upon the duo reaching the fence.
Pestle and Mortar nod to one another in agreement. The bags were so heavy, that they would have to toss them over one at a time. They both grab a handle on each side of the rather large duffel bag and toss it over. That's one. Then they immediately grab the second and do the same thing. That's two. The third bag was a bit more difficult to get over the fence, but they manage to get it over. That's three. Finally, with every last ounce of strength in their bodies they force the fourth and final bag over. Four! They did it! Now all they have to do is crawl back under the fence and.... wait.... where is the hole they dug to get in?!
"What's going on?!" Mortar exclaims in panic. Pestle looks like he is having a nervous breakdown at the sight of the freshly filled hole where their entrance once was.
"Excellent work, boys!" A grey pony with red eyes wearing a black trench coat strolls out from inside the carriage, which is now loaded with the money they had just stole. "Now I am one step closer to bringing Equestria to its pitiful knees! Your contribution will not go unnoticed! After all, you are the ones who have ignited the revolution! I will make sure you have front row seats to the main attraction! Now for your final task. I need you to send a message for me. A message to Princess Celestia. Tell her: Anarchy is here." The pony throws his head back and lets out a very maniacal laugh. He then enters the carriage and closes the door. The white stallions take off at the very second they heard the door shut. In the distance, wicked cackling can be heard as the carriage rolls out of sight.
"We've been played?! Son of a b---" Mortar was cut off before he could finish spitting out his profanity by Filthy Rich's security. He was tackled hard and hit the ground even harder. He looked to his right and saw Pestle was in the same situation. He looked to his right and saw the little pink filly, who had spotted them, with tears in her eyes, standing next to what could be assumed was her mother, who appeared to enjoy seeing the two robbers struggle. They had been caught and now they were going to be detained, and the worst part of it all was that the lunatic who hustled them had gotten away with their money!
"When ponies trot in circles it's a very, very.... Mad world.... mad world~♪" Anarchy sings as his ride drives out of Ponyville, just as the sun reaches its peak in the sky.