//------------------------------// // Goldhoof // Story: Agent Rarity of her Majesty's Secret Service // by Spice of Life //------------------------------// Rarity and P snuggled together under the sheets. P giggled as she rubbed up against Rarity’s chest and Rarity wrapped her arms and legs around her. “Aww, cmon Rarity, tell me about your last mission.” Rarity yawned. “Come now, darling. It’s late and there is hardly anything left to tell. I was simply keeping an eye on the Flim Flam brothers to ensure they were dealing fairly.” “Aww, just the Flim Flam brothers? Not the Doomsday Brothers or The Scammers or something like that?” Rarity rolled her eyes and hugged P against her tighter. “I am afraid not everypony can be some sort of super villain like-” She hesitated then sighed, closing her eyes. “Our friends.” P’s smile faded and she buried her face into Rarity’s mane. “You’ll save them Rarity, you’re the best super-secret agent ever.” Rarity smiled and kissed P’s forehead. “Thank you for the vote of confidence, darling. I just wish it was easier to find them.” P didn’t reply, she just pressed herself closer to Rarity and they both drifted off to sleep together. Rarity blinked as the morning light drifted in through the curtains. She stretched her arms up over her head and let out a dainty ladylike yawn. Then reached down and patted the lump under the blankets beside her. “Good morning, darling.” Rarity said, slipping out of bed and heading to the shower. After a short time with hot water running down her body and a long time ensuring her mane and tail were perfectly coifed. She trotted out of the bathroom, P remained bundled under the sheets on her bed. “Still asleep, come now, dear.” She pulled on the sheets exposing a golden mane. “What…?” She asked under her breath and yanked the sheets the rest of the way off the bed, then she screamed. P was on the bed glittering in the morning sun. Which she shouldn’t have been doing, since she normally had a pink coat and mane. Now she was gold, shiny sparkly gold. Before Rarity could do anything P burst into the room. “Are you yelling because breakfast is-“ “Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” Rarity shrieked again at being startled by P. Then P saw the gold body and joined Rarity’s shrieking. Then, the gold body shot up to a sitting position and looked around the room wide eyed and screamed and Rarity and P joined it. “AAAAAAAAAAAAA!” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” “Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” Rarity recovered from the shock before the others, her horn glowed as she flipped onto the bed, knocking over the golden mare and levitating her lipstick next to the mare’s head. “You had best start explaining your presence in MY BE-“ She blinked as she began to recognize the mare, “Golden Harvest, what?” Golden Harvest tried to struggle but Rarity held her in place. “Please no! I didn’t want to do it.” “Why are you here and what happened to your,” Rarity paused briefly to attempt to think of a more colorful description, but reluctantly had to admit that nothing quite fit like the obvious, “lovely orange mane?" P bounced up beside Rarity, but remained silent. Golden Harvest's eyes darted between P and Rarity. “Twilight dyed it and made me come here. I didn’t want to do it, honest.” Rarity kept holding her, but relaxed and carefully twisted the bottom of the lipstick, resulting in a click. She delicately placed the cap back on top of it, careful to not trigger the device and levitated it back to the table beside her bed. “You spoke with The Academician?” Golden Harvest blinked then shook her head. “No, I spoke with Twilght, although Spike kept calling her Goldhoof. And I think she kept calling Spike, uhh, Menial Task.” Rarity stepped off of Golden Harvest. “Goldhoof and Menial Task?” “Menial Task,” giggled P, “because Spike does so many odd jobs.” Rarity rolled her eyes. “That still does not explain why she changed her name, again,” she turned back to Golden Harvest. “Or why she sent you here and ruined your coat and mane.” “I have no idea what’s going on, she was reading from some book and kept telling me to call her Goldhoof, whenever I would call her Twilight she would get mad.” Golden Harvest moved to a sitting position. “I think she wanted to paint Pinkie-“ P hopped up and down giggling. “Yay, she said my name.” “P, please, can we let her finish?” “Awwww.” Golden Harvest continued, deciding that her life had been weird enough lately. “Anyway, Twilight said something about it being more efficient to just find somepony who was already gold and just paint their mane.” She tapped her stiff hair with her hoof. “I hope this stuff comes out.” “Don’t worry about that, dear. It appears to be the same edible gold paint I have used before, now please continue.” “Ok, well-" She was interrupted by P licking the side of her face. Golden Harvest shot back against the headboard of the bed, she held her hoof out as if to keep P at bay. Rarity just gasped at P. “What in the world did you do that for?” P giggled. “I wanted to know what gold tasted like, it tasted shiny.” Rarity and Golden Harvest stared at P for a long moment before Rarity scooted next to Golden Harvest. “It is fine, P just wanted a…” She grimaced. “Taste. Now, please continue” Golden Harvest reluctantly contined as she kept a watchful eye on P. “Alright, she said I had to deliver a message to you. And that she would meet you at the Ponyville Day Spa, at noon today.” Rarity’s gaze shot over to the wall clock, half an hour till noon. She leapt off the bed and dashed over to her vanity, she rummaged again for a moment before pulling out a bottle and levitating it over to P. “P, this is dye remover, please help Golden Harvest with her mane, and DON’T LICK HER AGAIN. I have to leave now if I will be in time to meet with,” she paused for dramatic effect. “Goldhoof.” She could have sworn she heard a saxophone in the distance. Rarity had to gallop to make it to the spa in time. She’d barely had time to grab any gadgets, which was risky…Rarity wasn't sure what to expect from Twilight. Aside from some ranting, Twilight hadn't actually done anything bad, at least that Rarity had seen. But, it never hurt to be prepared. Sadly, being fashionably late was something this situation would not allow. After all, it had been just over a month since she had last seen Twilight, then The Book Keeper, next the Book Worm, then The Academician, and now Goldhoof, apparently. Even Celestia was experiencing difficulty in tracking her number-one student. There was no telling when Twilight might show up again, so missing this meeting was out of the question. She skidded to a stop in front of the Spa door and quickly brushed herself off. She was just getting ready to enter when she heard hoof-steps behind her. Rarity turned to see a familiar lavender unicorn trotting up to her. “Well well well, mister Rarity, we meet again.” Rarity arched an eyebrow. “Mister..?” Her voice trailed off. No matter. She shook her head to regain her train of though. “So you are referring to yourself as Goldhoof now?” “Why yes,” a smug smile crossed Goldhoof’s lips. “It seemed much more appropriate than The Academician, considering my new plans.” Goldhoof pushed the door to the spa open and trotted inside. She politely held the door open. “Coming?” Rarity followed her in. “And what plans might those be?” Goldhoof let out a quick sharp laugh. “Oh, you’ll find out soon enough, mister Rarity.” Rarity’s eye twitched. Before she could respond, Aloe and Lotus Blossom, the twins that owned the spa entered the room. They bowed, and Lotus Blossom greeted Goldhoof and Rarity. “Mees Twilight and mees Rarity, so good of you to join us today.” “That’s Goldhoof. Thank you,” corrected Goldhoof. Rarity made a mental note that several hairs of Goldhoof’s mane had suddenly sprung loose of her normally well combed hair style upon being referred to as ‘Twilight.’ The twins looked at each other and Aloe shrugged. “Oh, of course mees Goldhoof, if you vill follow mee.” “Mister, that’s mister Goldhoof.” Goldhoof corrected. The twins looked at each other again then tried and failed to subtly look between Goldhoof’s legs. Rarity stifled a snicker. The twins looked at each other a third time then back to Goldhoof. “Ummm, alright meester Goldhoof. Thees vay if you please.” Goldhoof and Rarity followed Aloe into the massage room of the spa, each taking their place face down on adjacent massage beds. As the two masseuses went to work, Rarity pondered how exactly to approach Twilight’s recent persona change, the accompanying disappearing act, and her suddenly wanting to be addressed as a stallion. That last one required a few mental gymnastics since she was clearly a mare. "So, Goldhoof…” Extracting information about Goldhoof’s plan would take tact, wit, caution and no small amount of charm. Rarity tilted her head to sneak a quick look at her self-styled nemesis. Goldhoof had a hoof up to her…she was picking her nose. Rarity sighed. Or maybe she should just ask. Or she would have if Goldhoof hadn’t suddenly decided to say, “I can’t believe that the Queen would have an agent with such a drab mane.” Rarity’s jaw dropped. Goldhoof looked at her for a long time, long enough for the situation to become very awkward for everypony involved. Goldhoof’s eyes swiveled this way and that as an uncomfortable grin spread across her lips. “Uhh, I mean… I, uhh, didn’t think the Queen would have an agent who was so unfashionable.” “Ho- how dare you! You- you,” stammered Rarity as she rolled clumsily off of the massage bed. Goldhoof frowned and started mumbling to herself as Rarity seethed at her. “This isn’t how this is supposed to go, you’re supposed too- uhh.” She looked around. “Where’s the book?” Rarity blinked. Goldhoof stood up and franticly looked around. “Where is it, I thought I brought it… gaaaaaaaaaahhhh” She spun around in circles before skidding to a stop and began to hyperventilate. Rarity wasn’t the kind of pony that often found herself at a loss for what to do. This was one of those few moments where all she could to was stare, on one hoof she felt compelled to help a friend who was clearly in a bad state, on the other she was still internally reeling from the odd verbal assault she had endured from somepony who is or was one of her dearest friends. Rarity’s choice was made for her when Goldhoof stomped her hooves in frustration. “Rahhh, this is all wrong, I need my book. Wait here, I’ll be-“ She paused and blinked . “No, it would be more efficient if you just came to my lair at the Happy Alley Docks. It’s the warehouse, you can’t miss it.” With that she teleported away. Leaving Rarity still in a rather stunned state. Aloe and Lotus looked at each other then Aloe delicately stepped over to Rarity. “Umm, vill uhh, zat be all for you today mees Rarity?”