The Horror of Happiness

by CrackedInkWell


Chapter 14: Salt

November 21st – Over the past several days, I’ve collected further data on Ms. Glimmer. For one thing, I’ll be adding compulsive liar to the list as I’ve accidentally discovered that her equal sign cutie mark is a fake! I believe she had it covered with makeup. Considering the way that she’s been viewed and tries to uphold a facade, it’s quite clear now that she is lying to them for the sake of power. In a way, it explains quite a bit in how she is able to do something as complicated as removing one’s cutie mark.

However, in that same evening, in order to gain her trust, I had to make a trade and… make up a story of what happened to one of her followers. I “confessed” to her that I was experimenting with the effects of certain drugs upon the town ponies, and that I made a deal with her. The deal was that in exchange for my silence about her real cutie mark, I would give her the liquid fungus from Sanctuary’s to help convert Mr. Trek to her way of thinking. Of course, this is quite the gamble, but on the other hoof, I’m the only one who can supply it to her. I could sense that she’ll betray me somehow for the sake of power. But then again, if she or her hench-pony Double Diamond were to pressure me, perhaps I could find some way to turn them into works of art as well. However, she knows that I’m still using in keeping this town healthy. After all, she knows very well that Starting Line still needs somepony to look after his broken leg, and probably treat anyone else who might fall ill. Yet, since I know her secret, I believe she’ll do everything to keep me quiet so I need to be on my guard.

Hidden Trek has once again proved useful in seeing Starlight’s psyche up close. Since I was present as she gave the young fellow a speech of rejecting his true talent, I can’t help but think that I’m actually listening into how she became a sociopath. This mare clearly was rejected at some point in her life that had a major effect on the way she views the world. Most likely sometime during her foal-hood, probably around the time, she earned her real cutie mark. I noticed too that she had empathized on the importance of friends, but said little about family. Which makes me think that Starlight was either an orphan or was neglected as a foal, so in that state, she would try to reach out to someone who she could relate to. Perhaps a close friend, this sounds the most likely that perhaps he/she, for one reason or another, had abandoned her too thus shaping her world view. Starlight also has shown signs of high intelligence like myself, in which she uses some Psychology, magic, and leadership skills to achieve the goal of gaining absolute power in this village.

What I’m worried now, is Hidden Trek himself. With him now converted to her cause and considering that he works for a travel magazine, my biggest concern is what he’ll be saying once he does return to work. After all, the police are still looking for me since October, and the last thing I want is for him to say my name to the world and where exactly I am. After all, it’s too soon for anypony to call for help.


“Above all,” Hidden Trek said, “I want to thank you, doctor.”

Lovejoy raised an eyebrow as he took the kettle off the stove, “For what?”

“For helping me,...” the younger unicorn told him, “...that is, for you and Starlight giving meaning to my life.” The elderly stallion looked over at the table; it’s been a week since he converted to the founder’s cause. Teaching him about the virtues, the benefits, the efficiency, and the philosophy of Our Town, he now has the same smile and uniformed manecut. “I admit, at first I thought you were cruel for leaving me in that Equality House, but now I realized that you were really trying to help me.”

“Truth be told,” the doctor replied as he combined some of the spices into the teapot. “I don’t really care about Starlight’s Philosophy, only her hospitality for an old stallion like myself. But she asked for my assistants and I offered it.” He glanced over at the table in the living room where his saddlebag that no doubt held a prepared article for the travel magazine to be carried out. “I’m amazed that you’re leaving tomorrow though. I would have thought that Starlight would keep you around longer.”

“But I am going to carry out an important mission,” Trek grinned, “after all, I have this wonderful village to come back to, and the wife I’m going to be paired up to as well.”

Lovejoy snapped his attention, “I beg your pardon?”

“Oh? Didn’t you hear? Starlight has made a promised to me that as soon as I can get back from my mission of spreading the good news to Equestria, I’m gonna be courting Sugar Belle. Isn’t that great?”

“Have you ever met her yet?”

“Well, not exactly, but what Starlight has told me is that she’s really nice. So, I can’t wait to meet her when I get back.”

The old doctor’s eyebrow didn’t drop, “Tell me, just out of curiosity, what are you going to tell your former employers when you get back to civilization?”

“Oh, lots of things! I’m gonna tell them about Starlight’s great ideas, how nice everypony is, the efficiency of this village, its values, the opal farm and the underground greenhouses, everything! And don’t worry, when I get there, I’m gonna tell them that I have Starlight Glimmer and you to thank for helping me see the light.”

Dr. Lovejoy paused for a moment, “You’re going to tell the world about me too?”

Hidden Trek nodded enthusiastically, “Of course, to give credit where credit is due.”

The old stallion slowly turned his gaze that the teapot, “Can I ask you a personal question, Mr. Trek?”

“I don’t see why not.”

“Are you happy?”

The younger unicorn chuckled, “Why of course I am! I’ve never been this happy in all of my life!”

Lovejoy looked back at him with a smile of his own, “Just making sure. Now, let me give you your cup before you leave. I don’t want to keep the rest of the village waiting for your departure.”


“From this day forward, a new day in the name of equality shall be widely known!” Starlight declared to her followers on the edge of town. “Our newest member has agreed to return to Manehattan, where he shall publicize to all of Equestria of the evils of the cutie mark, and show many desperate souls the truth so that Our Town can show them the way to true happiness!”

All of them cheered, but the mare wasn’t finished, “Hidden Trek shall go forth to spread this good news, and when he returns, he shall be a hero to us all. We shall wait for his return to our village, and hope that he shall have a safe journey to the corrupted world. But remember this Hidden, when that day comes that you do come back, we shall welcome you with open hooves.”

With the saddlebag on his back, the unicorn waved to them one last time before he started on the trail towards his destiny. As the town ponies applauded him starting down the lonely road, there was a flash that was coming from the top floor of the Doctor’s home.


Hidden Trek didn’t think that he was ever this confident in his life. Trotting down the road to tell the world of the greatest wonder of the world, into the rocky pass to where the railroad where he will be carried to the city. He daydreamed of going up to that office, delivering that article to share among the miserable, lost ponies of Equestria that seeks for a better life. And to return as a real hero among his new free-

He suddenly felt a sharp, pinching pain in his neck in which he cried out. Trek quickly turned to find an empty syringe pulling out from his neck.

“Mr. Trek,” he spotted Dr. Lovejoy in the shade of a shallow cave, “We need to talk.”

“D-Doctor?” the young unicorn asked, noticeably feeling weaker every second. “What are you doing out here for?”

The elderly unicorn walked out, putting a hoof on the traveler’s back before his horn lit up for a moment. A flash later, Trek found himself in a candlelit cellar. His legs gave way before he fell flat on the dirt floor. The young unicorn tried to move, but he found that none of his legs would respond, nor would his horn assist him.

Dr. Lovejoy,” he cried, “What’s going on! What are you doing!

Lovejoy unstrapped the saddlebag off of him, moving its contents until he found the scroll he was looking for. In his magic, he unrolled it and read through it. “Just as I thought,” he said, “You’ve given my name away.”

“Doc?”

The orange stallion shook his head, “I was afraid that this would happen. Say your name once to someone in the media, and you risk getting arrested too soon.”

“What are you talking about?” Trek demanded, “Why can’t I move?”

“It’s quite obvious, is it not? You’ve been drugged so that you’re temporarily paralyzed and I made sure that you couldn’t use your magic for a while. Simply put, you wrote my name down, you said you were happy; therefore it compels me to bury you alive.”

Hidden Trek’s eyes widen to the size of dinner plates, “WHAT!?

“And another thing, my cellar – as you will find – has been enchanted having a soundproof spell. So you can scream all you want, but it won’t do you one bit of good.” He levitated the younger stallion’s body over to the bed frame. “But I suppose, like all the others, you have no idea why I’ve decided to kill you.”

“O-Others?” the younger unicorn trembled.

“Yes, others,” he sighed, “To be honest, I’m still surprised that you of all ponies haven’t heard of me. Well, in case you don’t know, I’m wanted in Fillidelphia for ‘multiple murders’ or something of that line. In other words, I’m a sociopathic serial killer.” Lovejoy smiled down at him, “Any questions?”

Jaw gaping open, Hidden Trek could only look on in horror while the doctor took out his camera and took his picture. “But… why do you have to kill me?”

“Didn’t I tell you?” the doctor asked as he proceeded to strap him down. “I’m doing this for two reasons: the first being that you were about to tell the world that I’m here. And I don’t want to be arrested, or have the entire Equestrian Guard come marching in. I’m trying to hide from the rest of the world as long as possible.”

“B-But, I won’t tell anyone! Please, just let me go, and I promise that I’ll never let your name be published!”

“How do I know you’re not lying to me right now?” Lovejoy questioned, “After all, this morning I asked you if you were happy and you said yes to it.”

“What does being happy got to do with anything?”

Celestia, I hate it when they don’t get it,” he grumbled as he strapped his head down. “Believe it or not, I was once happy just like you are now. I was once ignorant of knowing that happiness never stays around. For really, why do we think that because we’ve found something that makes us happy, that we’ll forever remain so? It doesn’t. Happiness never stays. Once that joy I felt had left me was the lowest point in my life. Believe me, Mr. Trek, nopony should ever feel like that. To ensure that misery day after day, year after year, decade after decade,... never knowing if that same happiness will ever come back!

“So, please don’t think for a moment that I’m doing this out of spite. It’s not. I’m doing this so at least the last memory that will go through your head is that you knew what happiness was when you had it.”

The young unicorn shifted his eyes, “Why are you strapping me down? I thought you were going to bury me alive?”

“Oh relax; you’re not going to die right now. That’s going to be about… seventy days later give or take.”

Trek blinked, “What?”

“You see,” the doctor went over to a table, the contents in which the younger unicorn could not see. He turned his head to the phonograph underneath the stairs; he activated the turntable, in which the horn began singing. “Anypony could bury anypony alive. Dig a hole in the middle of nowhere, put a live pony in, put the dirt back into that said hole for them to suffocate. It’s easy and unmemorable. I mean really, murder these days! Where’s the creativity? Where’s the gravitas, the elegance, or the art of it all? Nowhere I tell you! ‘Mare stabs husband to death,’ ‘Third filly found drown in a river,’ ‘Coltfriend tied to chair and burned alive.’ I mean really? That’s the best that any of those murders could do? No given thought to it? No… (Where is it?) No creativity? Those sorts of things are tragically too common nowadays, where a pony dies, but there’s no effort being put into it. I swear I must be the only killer on the planet who takes the art of murder seriously anymore. But enough of my ramblings, let’s get down to immortalizing you.”

“What are you talking about? What are you doing?”

Lovejoy sighed, “Typical journalist, asking so many questions but not enough conversation.” He turned around with a bone saw and a jar of honey in his aura. “I’m going to have to prepare you. Firstly, that horn needs to come off before I can proceed.”

“No! No! Please! Don’t do that!”

“Then how else am I going to prevent you from using that magic of yours from escaping? I don’t have an anti-magic ring on me so we have to make do.” He blinked for a moment before realizing, “Oh! You think that you’re going to feel the pain of being sawed off?” Lovejoy laughed, “Oh no! Trust me, you won’t feel that for the next several hours,” he levitated another syringe and move it to Trek’s forehead. The needle went underneath the skin in a few spots that circled around his horn, injecting the painkiller into his skull. “Don’t worry, physical pain among my art projects when it’s not necessary is at the moment cheap, but the psychological and emotional pain that I’m going to inflict, however – priceless.”

“B-B-But, there must be some other way!”

The doctor thought about it, gliding the saw to the base of the horn, “I don’t think so.”

Although true to Dr. Lovejoy’s word, Trek didn’t feel a thing, yet that doesn’t help but feel queasy of the very thing he gets to see and hear. His eyes looked as far up as they would let him, he only saw the older stallion taking the tip of his horn with one hoof and heard the grinding, skin crawling, toothed blade eating away at the base of his horn.

Please! Stop!” Trek screamed, “I-I lied about being happy okay! Let me go, I promise I won’t ever tell!”

“How do I know if you’re not lying?” the doctor asked calmly as he continued to saw away.

“Please don’t do it,” the younger unicorn begged, his eyes watering. “I can’t function without my magic!”

“Considering what’s going to happen, magic is going to be completely useless anyway. You young ponies are very weird when you’re facing death in the face. As I said, you’re not going to die right now. Only within the next seventy days. Oh! I don’t think I’ve told you what exactly I’m planning to do, have I?”

“Uh… something about turning me into a work of art?”

“Ah yes! Right, right, right, right! Forgive me for being a little unfocused, because I’m really looking forward to this.” He paused his sawing for a moment to wipe the blood off of Trek’s forehead, “In a way, you should be honored. You, sir, are not only going to be the first pony in modern times to be buried in the desert, but I’m going to have you mummified. But you’ll be truly unique, because not only will you be the first Equestrian mummy,... but the very first in history to be mummified alive! Isn’t that great?” he asked with a smile.

Hidden Trek could do nothing but look up in horror. “You’re insane. You really are a psychopath.”

“No-no-no-no! How many times do I have to repeat this, I’m not a psychopath, I’m a highly functional sociopath. Honestly, what do they teach you in schools these days?” Lovejoy resumed sawing. “We’re almost done with the first bit. Now, to be honest, mummifying you are going to be quite of a challenge. Because from what I research from Ancient Coltypt, the way they do it is that once they have the body, they take out the brain by sticking a metal stick into the nostril until they punched a hole in the skull, whip the brain until it's mush and let it drain it out. After that, they take out all of the organs; coat the inside of the abdomen and the skull with resin and spices, place the organs underneath some salt, and place the heart back in because they thought that’s where a pony’s soul came from. After they stuff the body with sand, they sew the body back up and pile a mound of salt over it for seventy days. In which it helps dry the body, coat, flesh and all from moisture. After seventy days, they uncover the body so that they could put a layer of resin over it so that the wrappings could stick to it. They repeat this coating and wrapping a couple of times while putting some religious charms and just like that, you have a mummy.”

When the doctor finished this explanation, he finally sawed through the horn, when this was done; he quickly coated the bloody base in honey. “Of course,” Lovejoy added, “Since I’m mummifying you alive, I have to change a few things here and there. Like for example, I have to skip taking out all of your organs for the time being. So to keep you alive as long as possible, you and your horn will be buried underneath a mound of salt for seventy days, which is why you’re strapped down so that you won’t be able to move during that time. But before I do, I have to stick a few tubes in you. One for your mouth so you can breathe and be fed on a strict diet with a ration of water, another will collect your urine and the last…” He smirked, “You can guess where that will be going. The goal, for now, is to get you as dry up as much as possible. After that, I’ll have the liberty of removing some of your organs like your liver, spleen, kidneys, that sort of thing. After I sew you back up again, you’ll be coated in candle wax before applying the bandages, and I’ll repeat this a couple of times before I bury you in the desert. But before I proceed, are there any questions?”

“But… what if somepony comes down here and finds me? What if you get caught?”

Dr. Lovejoy chuckled as he went to the boxes to fetch the pipes, “You’ve taken me for granted Mr. Trek. Even if that happens, I have ways to make you disappear when I need you to. As for getting caught,” the old unicorn chuckled darkly, “I find that… rather unlikely.”


A few hours later, with the pipes for waste was put in place leading to a chamber pot beneath the wooden boards that upheld the salt, Lovejoy poured another barrel of salt that covered every inch of Trek’s body – all except for the head that is. He looked down as he opens the last barrel, Hidden Trek ears were folded back and his nostrils were closed shut from the surgical tape. It was also used to tape his mouth to the tube that he was breathing through.

The young unicorn looked up at him, his eyes pleaded for him to stop.

“You would want to close your eyes if I were you,” Lovejoy said before pouring the salt over his head. Unintelligible sounds were heard through the feeding tube as the muzzle was being completely covered. “There we go,” he said as he placed the barrel aside, “If you can still hear me, I suggest you better get used to being bored out of your mind, as well as being thirsty for a while. Now, I’ll be sure to give you your first ration of water before I go to bed, but for now, I better go make myself some dinner.”

With that, he took the phonograph up with the stairs with him, leaving the poor unicorn in the dark.