//------------------------------// // Cider // Story: Nuts and Bolts // by Nines //------------------------------// The hamlet where Silver Spanner and Mjolna lived was known as Barley's End by locals and cartographers, but any other Equestrian referred to it simply as, "Canterlot's suburb." Its place at the foot of the capital's mountain was given to fog and occasional intense winds. That night, the wind swept through the streets with some insistence, stirring the leaves out of the gutters and forcing ponies to shut their windows. Despite the gusts, the streets were not empty, and as the two mares strolled to their favorite watering hole that evening, they paused now and again to wave to their neighbors. "We will make our ancestors proud this night!" Mjolna said with gusto. Silver's muzzle scrunched as she looked at her roommate sidelong. "I dunno about you, but the last thing I wanna do is make my ancestors proud!" Then she looked at her friend full on. "Hold on a second. Aren't you supposed to be trying out for the Royal Guard tomorrow?" Mjolna threw her head back and laughed. "I am celebrating early! There isn't a doubt in my mind that I shall be accepted. Surely I'll be so busy protecting the kingdom I won't have time to revel afterwards!" "Yeah, what could possibly go wrong?" Silver rolled her eyes. The other mare bumped shoulders with her. "Spanner, it is time to lift your spirits! After all, we would not even be drinking tonight had you not sold that contraption of yours!" Silver blushed. "I'm glad we have rent money this month, but there's nothing exciting about selling a new spatula design. I want to revolutionize the way ponies live, not add to easily forgotten cooking utensils!" "A boon, is a boon, is a boon," Mjolna said with a frown. "Now cease your grumbling! We have arrived at the tavern." The tavern, the Foam Head, was run by an ornery gray stallion named Bitter Hops. The building was squat and old, made from crudely cut stone, thick slabs of redwood, and insulated by clay and moss. Inside, a large fireplace crackled as a pony in the corner played a jig on a violin. Silver had once joked that the tavern looked like it had been ripped out of a bad fairy tale. After saying that aloud on a crowded Saturday night, she'd woken up the following morning in a pig pen, dressed in a peasant costume. When she had asked Mjolna if the earth pony had anything to do with the prank, her friend replied sassily that she'd been too busy saving a damsel from a witch's curse to notice. "Bitter!" Mjolna greeted the tavern owner boisterously as she and Silver approached the bar. The bartender grunted behind the counter as the two mares took seats, his eyes narrowing. "Mee-yoll-na," he pronounced with effort. He leaned onto his counter. "Didn't I ban your hide?" The northern pony mirrored his expression. "If our bits aren't welcome, I'm sure we can fatten some other pony's purse!" Bitter Hops pursed his lips. “What’ll it be?” he asked, casting a withering look in Silver’s direction. "And I better not hear any smart mouthin' tonight!" “Waste not our time! You know what we seek,” Mjolna said with a shark-like grin. Bitter actually growled at that, and for a moment Silver stiffened, wondering if she should have perhaps brought her UniGun. The last bar fight Mjolna had started had left her with a sprained leg and a black eye. The tension dissipated as the bartender laughed gruffly. He slammed a hoof on the counter and chortled, "Tartarus take you, crazy northener. I'll get your poison." He turned, grabbed two tankards, and set about filling them with cider from a tap that was labeled 'Sweet Apple Acres'. Silver let out a sigh of relief. She cast her chuckling companion a disgruntled look. “I wish you wouldn’t antagonize others so much. It makes me nervous!” “P’shaw,” Mjolna said, waving away the unicorns complaints. “You’re much too skittish!” Their drinks were placed before them, and the northern pony eagerly took hers. She elbowed Silver before toasting. “Here’s to courage!” Silver grimaced and took up her own drink. She toasted and mumbled, “Here’s to surviving this outing!” It usually went that Silver would tell herself, Okay. That’s it. No more. Then before she knew it, Mjolna was ordering another round, and all of a sudden she couldn’t see straight, let alone think straight. This night was no different. Silver Spanner giggled drunkenly as she twirled around with a stallion she still couldn’t remember the name of. Mjolna was off in a corner, regaling a small crowd with a rambunctious tale about the time she’d cleared a crypt of bloodthirsty draugr in her homeland. By this hour, the tavern had filled with more locals, and there were even a few visitors from Canterlot looking to escape the bustle of the big city. The stallion Silver was dancing with certainly had an aristocratic accent, but he was behaving anything but chivalrous the way he kept nibbling her ears. Every time he did it, she’d titter, her body flushing red under her coat. He was twirling her around quite a bit, though… “Um,” she squeaked after the umpteenth spin, “This ish ree-ally fun ‘n all, but—” “Getting tired of the crowd, eh?” The stallion murmured huskily as they twirled yet again. “We can retire to my room at the inn if you’d prefer!” Silver tried to pull away, a look of panic crossing her face. “No thas not what I—” “Come, come! Don’t be shy.” Another fast turn of their bodies. Silver’s blush turned to an unpleasant green as her head swung. “Hurk!” Vomit came gushing out in a disastrous stream of frothy gold and orange. The stallion withdrew in horror. “Egads!” Without his strong grip to keep her in his orbit, Silver tumbled away her hind legs knocking against a low end table, where she tumbled backward, hooves over head into the first stool at the bar. The pony sitting on it, no more sober than she, toppled over with a yelp into his neighbor. Like a chain reaction, the other patrons knocked into one another, falling off of their seats and crashing onto the floor. The music screeched to a halt. Everyone stared dumbfounded at the mayhem that had taken place. Slowly, their eyes turned to the pony who had started it all. Silver blinked at them blearily, her front covered in regurgitated salad and cider. “Oopsies…” It was about then that things went black. When Silver Spanner awoke, it was with a tremendous pounding in her head and a horrible taste in her mouth. “Ugh…” she pried her eyes open, then winced when sunlight lanced her vision. “What the…?” With effort, she ignored the pain and opened her eyes again. It took a moment for her to focus, but when she did, her stomach dropped. Silver was outside. She was outside with her head and fore hooves trapped in a wooden stock. She was outside in a wooden stock and wearing a peasant costume. “Rust it all! Again!?” She shouted, struggling to free herself. When the nausea and discomfort in her head became too much, Silver stopped and let herself sag in her trap. I didn't even know Barley's End had a wooden stock! What is this, the dark ages!? A few short moments later, Mjolna appeared on the street before her, having rounded a street corner. Her head was hung low, her mane ruffled, and her eyes bloodshot. Her hooves clopped miserably on the cobblestones as Silver hissed at her, “Mjolna! Mjolna! Help me out of here!” Her roommate looked at her, agony writ across her face. “Silver...?” “Yes, yes, it’s me! Can you get me out of this thing? I think I made Bitter angry again!” Mjolna groaned and sat on her haunches. “Já. You did. And many other ponies as well.” She rubbed at her head with one hoof. “They wanted bits to pay for the mess you made. I told them we had none left. They were ready to toss you in jail for a few days. I negotiated this for a day instead, on your behalf.” “What do you mean, 'on my behalf'? This isn’t better! This is anything but better!” Silver shrieked, wincing at the sound of her own voice. “I’d rather be in jail!” Mjolna belched, then made a face. “Silv, I beg of you… Stop screaming. I had to cancel my tryouts today.” She stood unsteadily to her hooves, then slowly began to trudge away. “I must rest…” She managed to flash a brief smile over her shoulder. "So from one antagonistic pony to another, good day!" Silver Spanner tugged at her bonds. “Mjolna! You tell the guards I want to go to jail! Mjolna? Mjolna! Mjolnaaa!”