//------------------------------//
// Jack Loses It 
// Story: The Raffle 
// by CakeEmperor 
//------------------------------//

...
　
"Ok! Here is the plan!"
　
I was sitting in the middle of the floor, coming up with an escape plan with my two best buddies. Remember how that moon just popped up? Well guess what? The sun does too! Seriously, it literally popped up, like a toaster! Aha! Anyways, for some stupid reason, I overslept and was now officially going crazy. To the right of me was Mr. Soap, and to the left was Doug the Tooth-Brush.
　
I smirked at Doug, having the most brilliant plan ever, "Ok, Doug. here's what I need you to do: First, sneak into Celestia's underwear drawer, and then scare her while me and Mr. Soap run off."

However, Doug didn't seem to like my idea, since all he did was continue giving me the silent-treatment.
　
I scoffed, "Really mate?! Fine then! Mr. Soap and I will do a boss duo mission, while you brush horse teeth for the rest of your life!". 

I at least expected some kind of response, but nope. Doug just kept sitting there, being a dope.
　
I rolled my eyes before looking over to Mr. Soap, "You ready?"
　
"No."
　
I launched up, staring at the bar of soap with fear-stricken eyes. My heart also nearly bolted out of my chest. Was I hearing things now?! However, I was relieved when a girlish laughter began to flood the room.
　
"Bwahahaha! That... was... haha! So good!"

My head snapped towards the source of the sound. When I did, I found a weird, black, bat-pony-thing rolling on the floor in laughter, clutching her sides. She also had a small tuft of silvery mane that flung from side to side, as she laughed. 

I glared at her, "You didn't see anything."

She rolled back over onto her hooves and flashed me a mischievous smile on her face, "Oh, but I did~ and it was hilarious."

"Heheh... yeah. Anyway, nice to meet you. I’m Jack."

"I’m Silver Heart, your new guard. It’s nice to meet you too." She greeted me.

Again with the guards! I smiled and presented to her my hand for a handshake, but, she only looked at it in confusion.

“There’s nothing in your hand.”

I awkwardly pulled it back to me, before speaking, "Oh, it’s a human thing, sorry. It was a pleasure meeting you, but I don’t really need any gua-"

"Ah... I see that thou have met!"

Another complete random pony randomly and noisily walked into tbe room as well... yet this one was different, in fact, she was too different. I jumped when I saw her, because she reminded me so much of Celestia. In fact, everything about her was like Celestia. Like the sun princess, she also had a gravity-defying mane, was huge, and had wings and a horn. However, it was when I saw the crown, that I knew exactly who she was. She was Princess Luna, the other ruler that everyone's been talking about back on Earth.

My palms immediately broke out into a sweat, but I continued to stay as calm as physically possible.

To the side of me, I heard the clinking of armor and the shuffling of hooves. I investigated, and saw that Silver Heart was bowing. I wasn’t though, no I just stood there, like an idiot, again. Eh, I’m getting used to it.

The blue pony spoke up, "Our apologies, We are Princess Luna, ruler of the night! Thine guard was an idea we and our sister agreed upon. She will be looking after thou for the remainder of the year"

I rubbed my head, "Thank you Princess... I appreciate it."

Luna beamed, "We appreciate thy appreciation, however, we must take our leave now. Goodbye fair Jack and Silver Heart!"

Neither me nor Silver could get the chance to say anything. She was already out the door!

And then it was just me and Silver...

...

"Sooo..." She said, awkwardly breaking the silence.

I am going to escape now... I already made up my mind!, I thought.

I relaxed a little, "Hey Silver, are you guarding me, and protecting me from attackers, or are you 
just watching me?"

The bat-pony flashed one of her fangs, "Are you accusing the Princesses, that they don't trust you?!"

That answers my question.

I shook my head, "Yeah, dumb question, sorry... I'm going to go wash up now."

Silver actually looked to be pondering for a while, before pressing her hoof into the floor gently, 

"...You won’t try to escape, will you?"

I laughed, hard, “Of course not! Don’t be silly!”

“Thank you, I’ll wait here.” She smiled.

I smiled too, in fact, I smiled all the way to the bathroom. It was when I was finally in the bathroom, that I went into full-escape mode.

1 hour later...

"By order of Princess Luna, you are commanded to dress and leave the bathroom immediately. If you do not exit the bathroom now, then I'm coming in with restraints, and a one-way ticket to the dungeon!"

I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead!

This time, I threw what soap I had left on the floor.

Trying to buy some more time, I attempted to reason with her, one last time, "Can't a guy take a bath in peace?! Human skin is very difficult to wash! It usually takes me four hours to wash completely!"

"I don't believe that! I'm coming in now!" She snarled

With her word, she knocked the door down, and jolted inside. Luckily, I was hiding in the corner, and made a run for it as soon as I saw her.
She spotted me, and reached for me, but immediately slipped and fell on the overly-soapy floor.

“I’m really sorry, but I can’t stay here! If I stay any longer, I’m going to lose my mind!” I yelled. Not wasting any more time, I hastily left the bathroom towards the hallway.

Now, I had to find a way out of the castle. That would be a problem though, since there was literally an endless amount of rooms and hallways scattered abroad! One hallway would lead to two hallways, then those hallways would cut through those hallways… what were the architects smoking?!

"I"M GOING TO KILL YOU JACK!!!!"

Every thought in my head was immediately shattered at the voice. I swung my head around to find a flying, angry-beyond-belief, bat-pony, heading straight towards me!

I yelped before yanking off one of my shoes and aiming it at Silver. I called to her, "Don't make me do this!"

"I swear to Celestia, Jack! If you-"

I threw my shoe at her, square in the face. She went tumbling down to the ground upon impact. After she fell, I wasted no time to continue running.

The hallway eventually split into two. So, I had two options; I could take either right or left. I didn't even care, and ran right from pure instinct. 

As I turned right, I was instantly greeted by an entire wall of fully-armed guards.

I spun around, but noticed that there was another wall of guards there, blocking me in.

"You are under arrest, monster!."

There's now way I'm stopping now!

"I am under protection by the princess! You can't hurt me!!!!" I yelled, before charging into the wall of armed soldiers.

Their eyes immediately shot open and surprise, and the entire wall struggled to scramble away as I shot straight through the middle. I laughed as I made my inevitable escape. Of course, they would be trying to tackle me to the floor now. So, I would have to be more cautious. 

Eventually, I came across another door. It threw it open, and fled in. For some reason, there was no room behind the door. Instead, there were nothing but stairs in front of me. Not having much of a choice, I began to climb up the stairs... and they went on, and on, and on, and on... it was ridiculous! After nearly ten minutes of climbing stairs, I finally found the end... which ultimately led to another door, with a massive decorative engraved into it.

Panting like crazy, I just flung my hand onto the knob, and threw the door open. What I found though, was simply astonishing. It was another bedroom like I had, but larger and full of interesting objects. Like my room, it also had giant golden and purple pillow in the middle. Unlike my room, It had an actual bed, a fire-place, and a glorious black and blue stain-glass window on the wall, with a picture of shooting star on it, and a balcony.

I quickly regained my focus, and rushed over to the balcony.

The first thing I saw on the balcony, were clouds and a view of the mountains. Looking down, I literally saw an entire city, with armies of those... alien-horses below. Then, it hit me. I was in Celestia's room.

A thousand chills rolled down my back at the thought, until I snapped myself back together.

Ok, shut up brain! You're only getting distracted! Think! If I tried to jump, it would obviously be undeniable death.

I silently cursed to myself, and stared down at the little ponies, who walked around buying groceries, and going about their normal lives.  That was, until I heard shouting coming from outside Celestia's bedroom, somewhere down the stairs.

I made up my mind, and did what any ordinary person would do: I ran back into her room, grabbed all of her blankets, and began wrapping them around my hands.

I knew I was being stupid, and I could help saying 'Don't try this at home' in my mind. Afterwards, I climbed over the golden rail and planted my feet on the edge of the tower's wall. Slowly I allowed myself to slide down the extraordinarily rugged tower with the blankets wrapped around my hands, and my feet wrapped around the tower. Afterwards, I allowed myself to slide down.

After a minute, the blankets began to rip one by one, and soon I felt my hand burst in pain. I yelped, and felt the feeling of my hand collecting tiny pieces of jagged rock. My hands slowly began to cut open but if I let go, I knew I would fall to my death. Instead, I clenched my mouth shut. Luckily, I slowed my sliding just enough, that when I crash-landed to the ground, I didn't break anything. 

I immediately pulled my hands away and examined them, seeing them shredded and bleeding. I groaned before taking the remainder of the blankets, ripped it in half, and tied them around my hand like bandages.

As soon as that was over, I spotted a hedge. In no-time, I climbed over it, and landed on the other side. My shoes tapped stone. I slowly looked up to see my surroundings and finally saw Equestria for the first time. Everywhere I looked, was... alien. Back at home, my city didn't have any animals, trees, or anything. Instead, they had advertisements popped up into the sky, and with towers that lit up in every color possible. There would usually be millions of people riding the Auto-Taxis everywhere.

Here, the air was refreshing. I saw actual trees, like in the pictures, and there were only a few hundred ponies at the max. It was amazing.

It was when I caught the ponies staring at me, that I remembered I wasn't welcome.

Soon, I felt something pummel into my back, forcing me to slam into the ground. I tried sitting up, but was blocked. 

Eventually, an extremely familiar voice snarled at me, "You're under arrest primate!".