"Ooh, what's that?"
"Ryan, that's a tree."
"Hmm...okay, but what about that?"
"...That's another tree."
"Oh, so it is. What about-"
"RYAN, I SWEAR, IF YOU POINT TO ANOTHER TREE-"
"What's that city up there on the mountain?"
"Oh, that's a tree."
Hook, line and sinker. I just stared at Sarah with this smug-ass grin on my face, watching as she gave serious consideration to ending me. I guess I was just too cute to murder, since she chose to hide her face under her wing instead. The extra blood in her cheeks made her turn a dark shade of purple, reminding me of a larger, older, purpler Twilight.
"Wanna try that again, Bear?" I asked her, running my hand down her back to let her know that I was done joking for the time being. She responded by grumbling to herself before lifting her face away from the seat of the train car we were in together. We had decided to pass the time by looking out of the window, with Sarah explaining the sights to me as they passed by with the terrain.
"That...is Canterlot...and it's not a tree..." she mumbled. A little voice from below me piped up.
"Oh, I'm sure there's nothing wrong with being a tree. Sometimes, I like to imagine that I'm a tree..." Fluttershy spoke from her position on my lap. At some point, she had hopped up and snuggled with me very much like how a cat would. This surprised me for a number of reasons:
One, Fluttershy wasn't being shy. She just plopped herself down like she owned the place and knew exactly what she wanted. If someone told me yesterday that Fluttershy would be cuddling up next to my dick, I would have told-
...No, you know what? I hate that saying. It's stupid. Let's just say that I had expected Fluttershy to be, you know, shy. And she had surprised me by being assertive.
Two, Sarah's reaction. I had expected my girlfriend to be all up in arms about another mare snuggling so close to my junk, but Sarah didn't even seem to care. She wouldn't even let Dash into the same train car as me, but Fluttershy was all good for some reason. What, did she not see the butter-yellow pegasus as a romantic threat or something? I mean, I was glad, but I was also confused. She was suddenly acting just like I had always wanted her to act around other girls. Why was Fluttershy so special?
Hmm...I guess I kinda get it. Out of all of my new friends, Fluttershy coming onto me was the least possible. She had been treating me more like a kid she was caring for, which was a relaxing change of pace.
That didn't explain why she was acting like a clingy cat, but whatever.
Sarah just shrugged her shoulders in response to Fluttershy's rather odd point. What was she supposed to say to that? I was just glad that my new shorts were thick enough for me not to feel the pegasus through them.
****
Shortly after that fun little...session...in Lyra's house, Bon Bon returned and promptly kicked the rest of us out, including Lyra. She was more polite about it to Sarah, but Sarah understood. Surprisingly. Lyra was rested well enough, but I still needed a shower and some duds. The clothes I were wearing were somehow unharmed, but I didn't want to push it. They belonged to Twilight, and I was dead set on returning them. My only worry was whether or not she would actually wash them when I gave them back...
Just another conversation I needed to have.
Armed with a plan, but with nowhere to go to get away from the fans that were going to inevitably appear, we set out to Rarity's. To both my relief and regret, we found the Carousel Boutique in prime condition. The wall looked like it had never been touched. If someone walked up and didn't know that there had been a hole in it the day before, they would have never guessed.
I was relieved for obvious reasons. Rarity never deserved to have a hole blown into her back door. Heh.
I was regretful...because, well...I wanted to help fix it. It had been my fault; it should have been my responsibility to repair the damage I had done. But apparently, the construction crews around Ponyville were super-fast. I just hoped that they were super-cheap to boot.
We went inside through the unlocked front door. I say 'unlocked' because I doubt it was meant to be open at the time. As soon as we walked in, we came across a buttery yellow pegasus snoozing peacefully on a couch. She was just so cute laying there, of course we didn't wake her. On, no, Rarity did that for us. When Lyra had the amazingly bright idea to look for her in her room, we were treated to another one of Rarity's high-pitched death screams. Never wake a sleeping fashionista, I guess. Yeesh.
Lyra flew from Rarity’s room, seemingly propelled by the force of the banshee wail. Luckily, she flew right at me, allowing me to easily pluck her out of the air and hold her. She gave me a sheepish grin, which I returned before setting her back down on the ground. Oh, yeah, Lyra's pretty cool with Sarah, too. Sarah must know that I see Lyra as my mom. No romantic possibility there, I'm afraid.
I lied. I'm not afraid. Not into pony/human incest, sorry.
Dash had been floating gently behind us, still on her cloud. Was she going to be riding that thing everywhere? If so, I might need some insulin just in case she gave me diabetes. I would have to keep her away from any children's toy companies; I'm sure they would find a way to make her riding a cloud into a smash-hit toy for the holidays. As she was, Rainbow Dash was trying to hold back her laughter at the scene taking place before her.
Rarity stomped out of her room moments later, her mane a sad mess. She even looked as if she had been drooling in her sleep, taking the edge off her mounting anger. “You do not disturb a lady’s beauty--” she started, before cutting herself off as she noticed me looking at her with a raised eyebrow, then flushing and darting back into her room. The door slammed behind her so hard that I thought I almost got another chance to help her repair her house. "J-just one moment, Ryan! I'll be out before you know it!" I heard her call out from inside. I sat myself down on the couch next to a slightly stirring Fluttershy.
The following minutes consisted of our little group listening to Rarity throw a fit inside her room. Brushes hitting the walls, hair driers dropping onto the floor, make-up containers being emptied, all that good stuff. I actually made a little game for myself where I tried to think of the most perverted things to go along with the sound effects I was hearing.
The best one I could remember was hearing the sound of snapping rubber and thinking about condoms. It was the most obvious, but seriously; what the fuck was she doing in there that would be making condom sounds? Honestly.
While we were waiting, I was surprised by a pink-maned head pushing itself under my left arm. Yeah, that whole 'Fluttershy is a cat' thing? Didn't start on the train. I noticed it pretty much as soon as she woke up. It didn't bother me personally, but the possibility of Sarah attacking her nearly gave me a heart attack. Luckily, that was when I discovered that Sarah started pretty much ignoring her. That feeling when I let my cheeks unclench...it was pure bliss.
Since Fluttershy was acting like a cat, I decided I would pet her like one. I ran my fingers through her pink mane, amazed at how soft it was, even though she had just woken up. I made sure to steer clear of her wings; I didn't want to sexually arouse a fucking cat, not to mention Sarah might have killed me. Curiosity also demanded that I subtly search the yellow mare for the medical kit that I had seen her with. To my agitation, I couldn't find any sign of it. Either she was hiding it where I couldn't see it, or simply didn't have it. In response to my attention, she would occasionally make these little murmuring sounds. Between Dash and her cloud, and Fluttercat, I was seriously in danger of having another heart awwtack.
"Alll done~" Rarity sang as she stepped out of her room, looking as gorgeous as ever. Gorgeous as in, like, well taken care of. Not the sexy kind of gorgeous. The feeling of confusion caused yet another feeling; dread. I didn't want to know why I was feeling confused. Best not to think about it.
"Mkay, cool," I responded, standing myself up. Fluttershy made an Eep! sound as the sudden movement and scrambled to get out of the way. Yep, pretty much a cat. She leapt down off the couch and joined Lyra next to me. Rarity blinked and looked around, just then noticing that there were four new beings in the room, not including Fluttershy.
"So...what can I help you with?" Rarity asked, letting out a dainty yawn. I could tell that she had bags under her eyes that she had tried hiding with make-up. Oh, great. She had been looking for Lyra and me all night, and I had just woken her up. Same with Flutters. Geez, I have a habit of disturbing others, don't I?
"Well...I was kinda wondering...if you could, y'know...clothes?" I asked, trying not to say it directly. I felt bad enough about waking her up after she had forgone sleep in my favor, so it made me feel like a bit of a jackass to just start asking for shit. Shit that I couldn't even pay for.
Rarity looked at me with her head tilted, my request taking a few moments to register with her exhausted mind. When she finally understood what I was asking, I swear her eye-bags just evaporated.
"OH! Of course! Why, I would like nothing more!" she cheered, dropping her ladylike mannerisms to celebrate. I crossed my arms and smirked down at the white unicorn while she did her little dance. It was as cute as I could have ever imagined. The dance consisted of her hopping on her right-front and rear-left leg, and then alternating back and forth. She looked like she was running in place. Trotting in place?
When Rarity noticed that we had all been watching, she quickly regained her composure and left the room to get her measuring supplies. We had started measuring me last time I was here, but Time had made sure that we got nothing done. Once she had left the room, Dash finally let out the peals of laughter she had been holding back. I really couldn't blame her, though. I let out a few chuckles of my own. Sarah wasn't smiling, but I was pretty certain it was because of Rarity's eagerness to get close to me again. If the dance had been for some other reason, I suspected she would have been in stitches. Oh well, maybe I could make her laugh some other way.
I was Ryan fucking Burbank, son. Laughter was my middle name.
Okay, my actual middle name is Walter, but that's a secret.
Getting fitted for clothing turned out to be just about as exciting as you would think. And by that, I mean I may have had a bit of a freak-out when I saw all those needles floating towards me like a wall of spiky death. Needles don't normally scare me; I'd donated blood a good amount of times. But when I saw them all pointed at me like a crowd of angry lances...well, I took off running.
It took the combined efforts of Sarah, Lyra and Fluttershy to convince me to sit still. Dash might had helped, have she not been laughing herself silly the whole time. Sarah responded to her teasing by destroying the little cloud the blue pegasus had been riding around on.
That...actually made me sad. Dash just flopped to the ground and stared at all the little wafts of cloud that lingered before they too evaporated. She had seemed so cute in that little puff, riding it around like Goku. Sarah taking something like that and destroying it just because Dash laughed at something I did...it pissed me off. What was wrong with laughing at my silliness? That's what I wanted! I loved making others laugh, so why did Dash offend her so much by doing so?
I suspected that Sarah just downright didn't like Rainbow Dash. I didn't know if something hostile had taken place between the two, but her shit needed to stop.
"Sarah," I said sternly as I watched Dash try to hide some tears of aggravation. That was her cloud, specially formed for her. Sarah turned her angry glare towards me, but it melted when she locked eyes with me. I guessed that she didn't expect me to look angry at her. What, did she think I was mad at Dash? Fuck that.
"Hm?" she responded.
"Dick move," I scolded, making her shoot me a look of confusion. That look was quickly replaced by one of indignation.
"What? She was laughing at you!" she tried to defend herself.
"Since when do I mind people laughing at me?" I exclaimed, throwing my hands up into the air. What part of me being Ryan fucking Burbank had she forgotten about? Sarah narrowed her eyes at me, but didn't say anything further. Okay, fine. If she was going to stay silent, then so was I.
Once Rarity had taken my measurements, she went to work on...something. She wasn't telling me what. I had to remind her over and over that I wanted something casual and comfy. No suits. I made it clear to her that if she made me a suit, I would never wear it. Suits are the fucking worst. The way they strangle your body and make you feel like you just ingested starch...bleh.
While Rarity did her thing, I went over to Dash and picked her up. She jumped a bit at the sudden contact, but held on anyway. Sarah, I swear to god, growled at her. Dash didn't even respond; the loss of her cloud must have been affecting her more than I thought. How long had she had it? Oh, I fucking hope that wasn't some kind of long-running pegasus family heirloom or something.
Without another word, especially to Sarah, I walked out of the boutique. None of the ponies followed me; I think Lyra and Fluttershy sensed the tension between Sarah and me. Those ponies could be really smart when it came to understanding emotions, I was slowly realizing. That is, when they weren’t being dumber than rocks. Holding Dash in my arms, I looked up to the sky.
"So, how do we do it?" I asked the sullen pegasus. She blinked and looked up at me, her eyes still a little bit red. She must have been trying to act tough in the face of being pushed around like that. Sarah knew that Dash couldn't fight back with force or she would risk committing a crime against the kingdom. In short, she was being a fucking bully. Why? Where was the adorably loud, curious woman I had come to love?
"D-do...what...?" Dash stuttered, trying to find her normal tone of voice. I just gave her a warm smile and ruffled her multicolored mane.
"Make another cloud," I responded softly. Dash's head tilted a bit as she stared at me.
And then she smiled. I smiled right back, turning mine into more of a smirk.
"I wonder how fast you could make another one. Would probably take a few hours," I challenged, making an exaggerated expression of smugness. Rainbow Dash took the bait, just like I was hoping she would, and shot out of my arms. After doing a few loops around my head, she got right up in my face with her own competitive smirk.
"Hours? HOURS?! Just who do you think you're talking to, Burboy? This is Dash, fastest flier in Equestria! Future Wonderbolt! You think it would take me hours to make another cloud? Pfft, I could do it in ten. Seconds. Flat," she proclaimed into my face. I could feel her warm breath washing over my face. It smelled of...Skittles? No, that would be stupid. She must have eaten some candy recently. I lifted an eyebrow at the cocky birdmare and chuckled.
"Prove it," I demanded. Oh, those words were just the kick in the ass she needed. In the blink of an eye, Dash was gone. I could faintly see here darting around inside a cloud structure, but she was too fast to keep track of. Holy hell, she even did a few tricks! True to my dare, I counted the seconds she was gone.
7...
8...
9-
"BACK!" she shouted, having suddenly appeared in my face again. The wind from her cone of motion caught up to me and blew by my head, whipping my hair back and sending the hood of my hoodie into a fit. I had to blink a few specks of dust from my eyes, but the sight before me made it all worth it.
Dash was resting her little blue body on top of an even cushier looking cloud than the last. If this one was a cotton ball, the last one was a crumpled tissue in comparison. It was a bit larger, but still fit Dash's proportions wonderfully. Instead of just being a ball-shape, like before, it was in the shape of what looked like a miniature racecar. How...fitting?
"What'd I tell ya?" she asked me, grinning like a cute little idiot. I noticed the chance for another semi-prank and took it.
"That wasn't ten seconds, Dash," I said in the most overly-pompous voice I had ever made. The color in Rainbow's cheeks drained as she realized that she had failed. Before she could sink into her new cloud car in embarrassment, however, I let her in on the joke.
"That was nine," I assured her, my voice now soft and warm. The look of elated relief that spread across her face...I just wanted to hug her. I might have, if not for her being a few feet above me inside of a vehicle I couldn't even touch. I settled for giving her a warm grin stead, watching as she did a little celebratory hoof pump into the air.
"YEAH! Told ya!" she cheered. I just crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow at her, wondering how long her ego would be stroked from this. She still showed no signs of wearing down.
Ahh. I love that feeling of making a sad friend feel better. Now Sarah...I started to feel a tug in my gut when I thought about her. Was she going to be that way from now on? I wasn't used to feeling...nervous around her...she was supposed to be my Bear! To feel apprehensive every time I was around her...it would tear me apart.
Already, I felt nervous about going back inside the boutique. Would she start arguing with me over Dash? I mean, she wouldn't win that argument; I wouldn't give up friends just because Sarah got jealous. But still...just the thought of fighting with her over something like that...
"Hey, Ry, you okay?" I heard Dash's voice next to me. She sounded really close now, so she must have moved her cloud car down next to me. Her eyes were full of concern, which cheered me up a little. No matter what, I wouldn't give up Dash for Sarah's sake. If Bear was going to put me into a position where I would have to pick between them...
I'm sorry, Sarah, but doing that to me would be the end.
The end...oh, god...
"I...I'm f-" I tried to respond, but my voice cracked. My voice hadn't done that in years. Shit, my vision was starting to blur. No, I didn't want to cry! I wasn't sad, I was just...agitated. Unsure of what to do...unsure of what I would do without her. The only entity besides Lyra that I could hold onto during all of this shit...
What would I do? I'd have nothing! And Lyra was going to have to go to Manehattan, as well. Nothing from my home would remain...I would be alone in this world. Who could I go to when I got sad? When I was angry? Sarah would be gone, Mom would be gone, Dad, Emily, everyone...I couldn't...
A pair of blue legs wrapped themselves securely around me. It was only then that I noticed I had been trembling pretty badly. Tears had been pouring down my face and my fists had turned white. I was surprised that I hadn't cut into my palms with my fingernails; it was a good thing I had bit them down to nothing.
"Ryan...it's okay...I don't know what's wrong, but you got friends here. We can help you," she assured me, her hoof patting my back comfortingly. How did these ponies know exactly what to say when they didn't even know the problem? I swear, they're all fucking mind readers...but lovable mind readers. She was right; I did have friends. And I'm sure that I could work out the issues that Sarah was having. I was not alone in Equestria. I would always have a friend to talk to, no matter what. I almost felt stupid for forgetting about them...
"I know..." I told her, returning her embrace. She let out a little coo sound as I squeezed her. It wasn't because I was squeezing too hard; I knew my magically-enhanced strength and was being super-careful not to hurt her. Her murmurs were just obvious signs of her contentment. Why was she content? Probably because I was okay. That she was my friend. And probably because I had her back when it came to Sarah's beef with her.
Girlfriend for two years or not, I would not tolerate Sarah being a tyrant among my loved ones. If I needed to, I would pull Emily out of Lyra's head and let her loose on S-
Wait, was that a thing I could do? Could I pull Emily and Human Mom and Dad out like Twilight had done to me?
...
Thoughts for later. Equestria already had one human on the verge of going nuclear, it didn't need three more. And Lyra probably didn't need more of her memories getting yanked out like that. Who knows what damage had been done just from my removal? Maybe, in the future, when everything had been settled and a solution was found...maybe then.
Still, the idea of being able to hug my family again sent an excited shiver down my spine. Dash must have felt it, if her tightened grip was evidence of anything. Maybe she thought I had started crying again. Thanks, Rainbow, but that was just a happy shiver. No more crying for this Burbank. The time for sad was over, the time for cheer was upon us.
"S'okay, Dash. Just thought about something," I assured the supportive blue pegasus. Man, she was one hell of a loyal friend. Something, something, Elements of Harmony. As stupid as it sounded, maybe those Elements knew who they were choosing. But what did I know? I was just a work of fiction brought to life via an emotionally-charged purple pony princess.
...shit, I still needed to get over that. It felt so...weird.
Rainbow Dash gave me one more tight squeeze before letting go and retreating back onto her cloud. We shared one more knowing smirk before I turned around and started heading back inside. Dash didn't follow at first. I could hear her shuffling nervously behind me.
"Uhm...what are you going to do about...Princess Luna...?" she asked, giving me an uneasy look. Damn it, Sarah, why did you have to start acting like this? Keep it up and not even your human self will get attention anytime soon. To the little blue mare floating behind me, I offered only a smile.
"I got this," I told her before disappearing into the boutique.
The argument never happened. As soon as I walked into the building, Sarah did nothing but sneak hopeful looks in my direction, probably waiting for me to talk to her. I hoped she wasn't hoping for some sort of apology. That shit was not going to happen. No fucking way. I didn't glare at her ; in fact, I ignored her entirely, a punishment that I think may have affected her even worse. Sarah sat back against the couch, staring down at her hooves as I walked over to Rarity, who looked like she was just finishing up with something. Holy shit, was she already done? How fast did this mare work? She made a sweatshop full of kids look like the slowest-
...okay, bad comparison. I apologize.
"Heya, Rarity. How's it coming?" I asked casually.
Rarity then decided to creep the fuck out of me by turning her head slowly in my direction, with the scariest fucking smile I had seen in the past few hours adorning her face. I actually took a few steps back to avoid getting raped by her eyes.
"Oh! You're just in time. I just finished the last piece!" she told me, still wearing that scary look. Wait, did she say she finished the last piece? Holy shit, she was the goddamn Flash with clothing! I had only been outside for a few minutes! How had she finished more than a few stitches? Ugh, pony logic. Don't question it.
I could fill a booklet with shit I was learning not to question. Honestly...
"Oookaaaay then. So...what d'ya got?" I asked her cautiously. Rarity's smile got wider as she lifted up a stack of freshly made garments out to me with her magic. I gave the stack of cloth a questioning look before slowly grasping it from Rarity's magical aura. Now, I can't be sure, but I could have sworn that the magical cloud tried to feel my arm when I got close to it.
Don't think about it and it can't hurt you.
I took a few steps back and looked down to the clothes.
Holy shit!
These are awesome! She made me some sick-ass cargo shorts with a camouflage pattern on them, and a few other pairs with different patterns. She also made me some pants that looked pretty similar to my old jeans, minus the denim. She did her best, and it definitely showed. Whatever material she used felt strong and stiff enough, but was as soft as anything I'd ever felt before.
As for the shirts, she had made a few different ones. The undershirts were all T-shaped, just like I liked them. They were even V-neck! I strongly suspected that Sarah had played a part in Rarity's decision-making. There were three shirts all-together; one was white, one was blue and one was grey. The white one had Rarity's butt mark stitched into it for some reason.
I was going to ask about it, but I then noticed that the blue shirt had Sarah's butt mark. What was the deal with butt stamping my shirts? Well, at least the grey one made sense to me. It was completely plain except for the operator symbol that I had been wearing on my hoodie for the past few months. Why did I like that symbol?
Because I don't fucking know. It's simple and I like it. There, I said it.
She also...oh, god, she made me more hoodies! They, like the rest of my awesome clothes, were super-awesome. She made two; one was a pull-over like I was used to wearing, while the other was an adventurously-different zipper hoodie. The operator symbol adorned both of them, but I did notice Rarity's mark hidden very subtly down at the bottom hems. They were both softer than any hoodie I had ever felt before, and were light enough not to roast me alive in the sun. Even without the usual hoodie bulk, I could tell that they would be warm when I needed warmth...damn, I felt bad.
How in the actual hell was I going to pay Rarity back for such nice clothing? Oh, she even made me boxers and socks! A bit weird that they all had her butt mark on them, but still! The only thing missing was-
"And your shoes will be done in a little while," she said, raising my suspicions even more that the ponies could read minds. Well, fuck. Got way too many clothes for what I was going to be able to offer her in return.
"So, uh...how will I pay for these?" I asked hesitantly. I wanted them on my body and Twilight's collector's items off...but I wouldn't dare put them on until they were actually mine. It was something about personally possessing an item that had plagued me since I was little. I could barely try on clothes at the store to make sure I actually liked them; I would start freaking out when I didn't like something and had to put it back. That was how I got used to wearing loose clothing. My hoodies had always been a few sizes too big, thanks to that acquired preference. So basically, I only really wore what I for-sure owned, even if I didn't know if it fit beforehand. The difference here was that Rarity had sized me first.
Rarity gave me a look a offended surprise. Had I said something wrong?
"Ryan! I'm surprised at you! How could I possibly ask for payment for these? After everything you've done for me?" she demanded. What in the blue hell was she talking about?
"I blew a hole in your wall and didn't get to help fix it," I deadpanned to the pretty white mare. She flinched at me and looked down, her mouth moving as she tried to come up with a response. I guessed that she hadn't thought I would counter her argument. It wasn't like she actually had much to shoot back at me, anyway. What had I done for her? Let her feel denim for a little while? Gave her a platonic kiss? Besides that, our interactions were limited to me making her life worse in some way or another.
"...Ryan, you wanted to fix it. And I'm sure you would have helped if other events hadn't taken place," she finally said back to me. I just shrugged and sat down on the bed, not really processing what she was saying. I knew she was just saying it to make me feel better. Maybe she saw how badly everything had been going?
Ugh.
"Mhmm. But really, thanks Rarity. This...means a lot to me," I said, my mood lifting a bit when I saw the relieved look on her face. As long as they were happy, then I was happy. She made a little waving motion with her hoof as a sort of hint for me to try the clothes on. I gave her another thankful smile before picking up my clothes to find somewhere to change. Element of Generosity, that's for fucking sure. I still needed a shower, though...again, ponies somehow could read my mind.
I felt a breeze flow around me in the same color as Rarity's magic. Before I even knew what was gone, it was over. It left me feeling...different. Clean. She had apparently just given me a magical shower and left me feeling as smooth as ever. My hair was even bouncy! I would need to learn that one, since I could use magic and all. Well, uh...thanks, Rarity. Back to finding a place to get changed!
"Uhm, Ryan? Wherever...are you going?" I heard Rarity pipe up from behind me. The strangest thing was that her voice didn't sound confused...it sounded nervous, like she was afraid of being caught. Oh, that pervy little devil. She knew what humans thought about running around naked; she had watched my show. I responded by giving her a knowing smirk over my should and shaking my ass a little.
"Not for your eyes, love," I fake-accented at her. Rarity, being white, showed her blushing much more than the other girls. That just made her bashful stuttering all the funnier. I didn't even want to look at what Sarah was doing after that little display. Maybe she would get the hint that she wasn't in charge. Did stepping back into her Princess shoes do that to her? Fuckin' hope not...that wasn't exactly a problem I knew how to solve.
Without waiting for Rarity to explain herself, I stepped into the next room and closed the door. It was a cute little room that looked to be where Rarity kept all of her spare dresses that she had either been working on or saving for another time. Certainly spacious enough, for a glorified closet.
A hint of pink hair caught my eye. Oh, Fluttershy was there with me. Huh, that was odd, I didn't see her when I was walking in...maybe I just missed her. I didn't want to seem rude.
"Oh, hey Flutters. Do you-"
"EEP!"
"-mind if I change in here really quick? Then you can finish doing...whatever you were doing in here," I assured her. Without another word, Fluttershy bolted from the closet and closed the door loudly behind her. Huh, her face was almost as red as Rarity's had been. She didn't see me start to undress, though...oh well, it's Fluttershy. She was probably flustered at the very idea of me getting hot in here and taking off all my clothes.
Getting the clothes on was easy enough. They were pretty much the same as the stuff I wore back in my world. It confused me for a moment that Rarity knew exactly what they should look like, but then I remembered that she had been watching my world and its people for years, now. Of course she would have looked a lot closer at the fashion than anybody else. I shrugged as I slipped on a pair of white boxers, the diamonds being dangerously close to my dongle.
I decided to wear the white undershirt as a way of showing Rarity how thankful I was. That shirt was paired with the zipper hoodie, which I found unnervingly comfortable. I wasn't used to having so much freedom with a hoodie on. I still liked the pull-over hoodie that I had been wearing...but why couldn't I enjoy both? Both were awesome and comfy as hell. I didn't zip it up; it let Rarity's butt mark from my shirt show.
I went with the plainer of the shorts; I doubted camouflage would have gone very well with white, grey and specks of blue. Ha, I was starting to learn a thing or two from that fashionista. I pulled a pair of super-comfy white socks onto my feet and looked at myself in a mirror that had been conveniently placed inside the closet with me. Why did a closet have a mirror? Eh, didn't matter.
I looked...for lack of a better word, stylish. For a moment while I was changing, I had been worried that having someone professionally fit me would make the clothes I received tighter than I like. Rarity, drawing on her knowledge of what I liked and what my body was shaped like, had made everything a size or two larger.
Everything was perfect. The sleeves of my hoodie hung over my hands, but only slightly. The flaps of the unzipped front rested above my thighs, just where I liked them.The shirt covered the very top of my shorts, another plus. My shorts went up high enough that my thighs didn't touch, five points to Gryffindor!
I ended up walking out of that closet with a huge smile on my face, eager to show my friends my new duds. I hadn't tried out a change of look in so long, I was actually pretty curious about Sarah thought about it...even if I still felt that tugging at the pit of my stomach that tried to pull me back into the closet to hide. What if she was mad again? I would have to b-
No...not going to think about that. Sarah was going to calm down and we were going to find a solution for my body and then we would live happily ever after! Yeah, that sounded good. Let's stick with that.
I walked back into the room to find Rarity cleaning up the mess that had become of her work station, Fluttershy and Lyra sitting next to each other patiently, and Sarah...she was just sitting in the same position I had seen her in last. When I entered the room, her head shot up and she shot me another hopeful look-
-only for it to crumble as she caught sight of what I was wearing. She instantly moved her gaze back down to the couch, her face scrunching up in pain. What the fuck had I done? I was just wearing a whi-
Oh. I chose Rarity's butt mark shirt instead of hers. Seriously, Sarah, get the fuck over it. It's a damn shirt.
"I'll wear yours with the camo shorts," I said plainly, moving over to see what Rarity had done with the shoes she said she had been making. Sarah twitched at my words, but otherwise remained motionless.
I...as much as I was angry at her for acting the way she was, I couldn't just let her sit there on that couch and wallow in her sorrows...
She jumped again as I planted myself down next to her on the couch and wrapped my arm around her. She immediately melted and clung herself tightly to me in return. I could feel her trembling...had she been crying? No, I didn't see any red eyes or tear stains...but she was definitely upset.
"Sarah, please, don't treat my friends like that," I told her, my hand rubbing up and down her back. "If you have a problem, I need you to talk to me before you start taking your anger out on them. I thought we went over this..." I had a feeling that she wasn't going to get better after the first time. It was going to be a long process...maybe it would reach her better if she was back in her human form? She sure seemed a lot more relaxed like that; without all the mayhem of this strange pony world. Maybe I could see if she wanted to do that. Later, though. She was upset now and I had to cheer her up while also scolding her. Easy...
The blue alicorn flinched a bit at my words.
"I know, Ryan...I just can't help it-"
"Stop. Yes, you can. Please, don't try justifying it by saying you can't..." I pleaded. Sarah went still and quiet for a moment before sighing.
"Ugh. All these mares wanting your attention...how do you deal with it, being in a relationship already? What do you say?" she asked me honestly. Huh, that...was a good question. Perhaps some insight into the mind of the Burbank could help her understand where I was coming from. Maybe it could also give her some options on how to deal with it herself.
Or maybe it could fly out of my pants. Not even joking, I wouldn't have been surprised if it had. Pony World is fucked up, man.
"Honestly?" I asked. Sarah just nodded, looking into my eyes eagerly for an answer. "I mostly just don't think about it. If it starts happening, I either play it off as a joke or back off. I'm not into ponies that way," I explained. Sarah took immediate offense to that last thing I had said to her.
"How can you say that, Ryan? You're with me!" she objected. I just raised an eyebrow at her, trying to figure out if she was serious.
"Bear, you know I'm not attracted. I've told you. I fell in love with you, and that won't change no matter what body you're in...but I'm just not sexually attracted to your pony body," I told her, trying to make it sound as inoffensive as possible. It wasn't easy telling your ancient pony princess girlfriend that you weren't into ponies. To my surprise, she didn't try arguing. Instead, she chose to pout.
"Yet..." she muttered under her breath. Oh, she thought I didn't hear her. So, what, she was going to try seducing me? As a pony? Very doubtful that she would get very far, no matter how much I loved her.
The shoes fit great, by the way.
****
Once we were all done at the boutique, we set out to ask the other girls if they wanted to come to Canterlot with us. Rarity wanted to come along immediately, but I could tell by her nervous twitches that she desperately needed sleep. It would feel empty without her, but she promised to come up to meet us once she got a nap. Apparently, she wouldn't miss a chance to go to Canterlot with me for the world. At least everybody in the group was going, so far. Well, Mom wasn't, but she still stuck around to help us out. Fluttershy had gone off to see Pinkie Pie and Applejack would be joining us. It would take less time if there were two recruiting parties. Dash had been waiting outside the building in her cloudy car and immediately joined up with us once we left. I think the car might have scared Sarah quite a bit when she saw it.
Poor girl almost got hit by one a couple years back. Though, knowing what I know now...it made a whole lot more sense. She didn't know that a car was, at the time. I thought she was just drunk, but she literally didn't know. Stepped out in front of it to get a better look and I had to jump in to push her out of the way. Nearly got my own ass toasted, but it was worth her safety. Ever since then, she hated cars for nearly killing me. I felt the same way about bad drivers almost killing her. And don't even get me started about the time I tried to convince her to let me get a motorcycle.
Anyway, Twilight's castle was the first place we stopped at after we got the clothes. It wasn't favoritism or anything, I just wanted to give her back the fake set of clothes so that I wouldn't have to carry them around. I would have gotten lost again in her castle if it wasn't for Rainbow Dash showing us how to get around. Lyra was just amazed that she was seeing more of the interior; most ponies in town only got to see that main room. The rest was semi-blocked off, but only because there really wasn't any reason for other ponies to be in there.
Dash led us to Twilight's room, using her wings to propel her cloud car along as a faster rate than it would have normally gone. It was really fascinating to see something from my world turned into a cloud like that. Hey, points for creativity. We came upon a very familiar door; it was the door to the room I was first made in. Before the events that took place in Twilight's bedroom, I hadn't existed. I had just been a figment of Lyra's imagination that Time Warner made her kill for the sake of attention. A story became reality on the other side of that door.
Hhh...wheeww...
I pushed the door opened and stepped in, relieved to see that the room had been cleaned since my conception. I guessed whatever magical bullshit Twilight did to bring me to Equestria had been quite explosive, if my memory served me right. There was no more scorch mark, the shards of the shattered gem projector had long since been swept up, and the sheets were no longer all over the place. Instead of a giant mess, I instead saw Twilight on her bed against the wall of an empty room, snoozing comfortably.
She looked...different. I couldn't put my finger on it at first, but then I noticed how...naked she looked. And then it hit me.
She wasn't wearing her hoodie anymore.
I hadn't actually seen her without it since arriving. Had she been wearing it the whole time? Ew, it must have stank...or maybe not. Maybe she secreted lavender-scented soap. I don't know, Pony World.
There was a little bundle next to her bed in the corner of the room, with a large cone-shape jutting out of it. I had to move closer, but nearly burst out laughing when I realized what it was.
Spike was in a little bed of his own, with a 'dunce' cap stuck to his head, seemingly by magic. Oh, that was the best thing I'd seen all day. Was that Twilight's version of grounding him? Pfft, I wish I had a camera. But, unfortunately, all peaceful moments have to come to an end eventually. I walked up to the side of Twilight's bed and looked down at her. She looked so happy, snuggling in with her-
What. The. Fuck.
Where the hell did she get that asparagus plant plushie? Why the hell was she cuddling it? What?! Why would this world take that story and...okay, I got it.
This world wants to destroy itself. That has got to be it. Magic, random songs numbers that take months to practice for, immortal princesses, and now fucking asparagus plant plushies. Oh, they even got the tiny legs correct. Marvelous.
"Twilight!" I shouted down at her. Her reaction was immediate. She squeaked loudly and jumped up into the air, her wings propelling her even farther. Unable to compute that she was now four feet off of the bed, the purple pony spazzed out and spun in circles. She flopped back down onto the bed, causing it to almost bend in on itself.
I just blinked as yet another trope of cartoon mayhem unfolded before my eyes.
"S-Spike, what d-" Twilight started to stammer before she could get a chance to look up at me. But man, when her eyes locked onto me...the elation that spread across her face...it almost made up for the way she jumped onto my head and tried to suffocate me with her belly. I just took it like a man, even managed to cross my arms patiently while she had her reunion. "You're okay! You're here! You're safe! I can't believe you're-"
"-Mmpph," I complained into the purple fluff on her tum-tum. She went motionless for a bit too long; I wasn't feeling the need for air, but it was getting awkward. I could feel Sarah's gaze on us, probably trying to bore on hole into the back of Twilight's skull. When I decided she had had enough, I opened my mouth and gently closed my front teeth around a bit of her soft skin. She still tasted like purple, but a bit more of a sweaty purple. Ew, that part I nipped was probably under that hoodie for days. Still wasn't unpleasant, though.
"Yipe!" she squeaked again, this time removing herself from my face. I just stared down at her with an unamused expression, some purple hair still lingering on my lips. I hoped she wasn't shedding. She gave me a sheepish smile, which caused another 'Squee!' sound. Seriously, where the hell did those random sound effects keep coming from? I swear, if I find some pony hiding somewhere with a squeaky toy...they would get the asparagus plant story.
Twice.
Unless it was a pony I liked. Come to think of it, was there anybody I didn't like? Time, but that was more of a cautious distrust and refusal to share the same room ever again. I didn't hate him, I just didn't want to be around him. Besides him? I couldn't think of anypony I hated.
And if I ever use anypony in my thoughts again, I'll brain myself with a hammer.
Twilight's acceptance of my plan went very much the same as Rarity's had gone. Happy to see me, happy that I was actually trying to progress forward, and eager to show me around Canterlot. Apparently, Twilight lived there for most of her life up until about four or five years ago. So she could show me all the best spots to shop. Not that I had any money, of course. It would still be interesting to see how my fictional world affected Equestria. Would there be stores devoted to selling only OtherWorld merchandise? Ooh, I could give out more autographs! That would be sure to cheer some ponies up! Like Sarah, Twilight was also a bit hesitant about me going, even through her excitement. She had the same warnings about overeager fans that I was already weary of.
From their warnings, I gathered that I had to:
-Stay with them at all times
-Not follow anybody that I didn't know
-Refrain from eating anything unless I knew it was safe
-Watch out for ponies who wanted to kidnap me and plunder my booty
Or something along those lines. Just don't be an idiot and stick with the pack, basically. That would be easy enough. Especially the eating thing; I never got hungry. I only ate when I really wanted to taste something. If somebody wanted to drug me, they would need to forcefully shove the pill down my damn throat. And with my magical force, that would be quite the feat.
Of course Twilight wanted to come along. She left Spike alone in his little basket; the dude has somehow remained asleep through that whole thing. Even when I shouted Twilight awake, and even when she started squeaking. Spike slept like a rock. Well, Twilight was okay with leaving him alone, so I was as well. I wanted to know him a bit more, but it seemed like he always got left behind when I did stuff with the girls. Wasn't he supposed to be their friend, too?
Twilight made a quick effort to pack some things for herself, as well as store the clothes I had returned to her. I made her promise to wash them, but I had a sneaking feeling that she wouldn't keep that promise. Oh, if only there were some way to make someone promise something that some entity would keep track of to make sure they kept it...only in fantasy worlds, eh?
With that taken care of, our group set off-
-straight into Fluttershy. I had been the one unlucky enough to trip right over the shivering pegasus. I somehow managed to catch myself before I could hit the ground, but then tripped over Pinkie Pie's bouncing pink body. Curse this cartoon logic! It was going to be my undoing!
"Shit!" I cursed as I, ironically, ate shit. At least the dirt around there didn't taste all that bad. It did leave me sputtering to remove it from the inside of my mouth, though. This world's gravity had a serious beef with me, it seemed, for not two seconds later, Pinkie landed on me and drove me back into the ground. She wasn't that heavy, but her speed...I hadn't been expecting it.
"RYAN!" she squealed happily, giving me my millionth hug of the day. I won't lie, I was enjoying it pretty immensely. I didn't care for the taste of ground, but the warm Pinkie hug was definitely worth it.
Fluttershy had good news, and she had some bad news. The good news was that Pinkie got some more time off from Sugarcube Corner to come with us to Canterlot! Official Princess business has its perks, I guess. I still wanted to actually go inside the bakery at some point...the closest I had gotten so far was when I almost collided into it after my jump. After this was all over, I wanted to go back and eat myself silly.
The bad news was that Applejack was too busy to come with us. She had neglected her role on the apple farm since I showed up, and apparently they had fallen behind. Big Mac almost hurt himself trying to do too many things in a day. The rest of my friends were disappointed, but I understood completely. Who was I to stand between her and her family? I was just some friendly character that popped up because of Twilight's big magical fart. I didn't mean enough to her for her to focus all of her attention on me, and I felt bad for making her think that for any amount of time.
The excitement had hopefully died down for awhile, anyway. I doubted we would need her muscles for anything during the upcoming trip, but my mind was changed by that same fucking group of ominous strings playing a piercing sound of doom. If I ever found out who was playing that damn violin when I said something wrong in my head, I was going to tell them the asparagus plant story.
Three times.
Eh, that just meant I would have to be extra-careful in Canterlot. The world was giving me enough warnings. Now all I needed to do was listen to them and take it easy. Oh, and not explode. That sounded pretty important, too.
So, minus Rarity and Applejack, we set off for the train station; towards the next step in my quest of not blowing up.
****
I woke up with my head flat against the seat of the train car. I must have leaned over at some point. That was odd, though...I didn't remember going to sleep with a body pillow. It was strangely warm and smelled familiar...and it had blue feathers.
Sarah.
She was smiling contently, but I doubted she was sleeping. I suspected that she just wanted to be close to me again without all the others getting in the way. Hey, I couldn't really blame her much for that; she might have been really jealous lately, but it made sense. She had lived with me in the woods for two years. Who did she have to share my attention with out there? Nobody, that's who. She had been my entire world for awhile, and now I had a bunch of others I had to show affection to. Maybe that whole jealousy thing was just her way of trying to keep what we had from our other world. Maybe getting her to calm down would be as easy as assuring her that I was still there with her.
I gave the lovely blue alicorn a loving squeeze, enjoying the squeaky sound she made. Huh, maybe that's where those sounds kept coming from. Had one of them been squeezing Sarah at just the right time?
Sarah turned around with a small smile on her face, filling me with warmth. Her eyes gazed at me like I was the only thing she ever wanted to see again. Maybe I was.
"I love you, Ry..." she said softly to me. I could see it in her face; the pain from thinking about what had happened earlier that day. It usually took her a day or so, but she usually understood her faults. When we got into arguments, I would just give her time to cool off and think. When you're in a relationship with someone with a temper, learning to back off is a necessary skill to learn.
"Love you too, Bear. It's okay," I answered her before she could even bring her actions up. She closed her mouth and nodded, her head rubbing against my chest. I flinched a bit when I felt her horn scrape me, but she felt it too and moved it away. We didn't say much more after that.
A gentle snoring alerted me to the presence of another in the cabin with us. Turning my head, I could see Fluttershy's yellow fluff moving up and down with her soft breathing. She had taken her spot on the opposite seat, leaving the seat I was on to Sarah and me. She looked so innocent...I didn't want to do anything around her that might dare threaten that innocence.
The movement of the train as it sped along the tracks was surprisingly calming. Looking up at the window, I could see that it had become dark while I had been sleeping. It was so...strange, seeing the darkness without any lights polluting it. The only lights visible through the blackness of the night were the stars.
Oh, the stars. I could see so much! I had always wanted to take a trip to one of the deserts in the US to see the night sky. Just to get away from it all, and-
Hold up, what was that? There was something in the stars, something connected with weird white beams of light. It was like someone drew lines between the stars and made their own constellations. It looked like it...said something?
'Ryan is an asshole'
Oh, goddamn it, Sarah.
END OF SEASON 1: PONYVILLE