Pale silvery moonlight filtered through the stained glass windows of her study. The colors of the picture, pieced together by a myriad of glass shards, were washed out, almost gray. It depicted the Tree of Harmony, and although the work of the master craftsponies was a sight to behold, it was no comparison to the beauty of the real one. It was a fairly old image, probably done after Celestia’s descriptions of the real one.
Luna had stared at the picture for a long time, but her thoughts had fled the room a long time ago. Somehow the past night had been extremely peaceful and her dreams had been as serene as the moon herself. It was strange not to sleep having a nightmare every night. A few years had been enough to become used to them. Now the peaceful sleep felt wrong to her, too relaxing. She always woke after a few hours. Usually she spent those hours visiting other ponies’ dreams and dispelling their nightmares. But this night … there wasn’t any distress in the dreamscape. All was peaceful.
Her eyes took in the Tree of Harmony before her. The Tree was the source of all the peace she knew at that moment. As if a long plan had finally come to fruition. The Elements of Harmony had come from it. They had allowed Celestia and her to turn discord into stone all those years ago … Then later her sister … had to … because …
It was only a thousand years later … that the shadow was finally dispelled from her heart. She was glad to be back, to be reunited with her sister. But the memory still hurt. She remembered her own wrath, how she had felt so little in comparison to her sister. She had tried her best to make everypony comfortable at night. She even went so far to help them sleep peacefully. And yet they all feared the night, feared her creation.
Although it was all in the past, she still felt the pain from it, the pain that had fueled her jealousy. She closed her eyes and felt a tear drop down her muzzle. There was no point on dwelling on feelings from a thousand years past. Still, there was something about her memories. Something that was fuzzy. She clearly remembered her thoughts and the pain they brought, but there was something missing. There were so many memories of when she felt the pain, when she saw her sister being complimented on the work she did. She even remembered herself fighting against Nightmares … but afterward, her memories always became fuzzy. She had a hard time remembering things other than her working hard and being ignored for what she did. There were a few fun moments with her sister, but that seemed to be from far before the founding of Equestria.
She kept her eyes closed as her horn flared to life. She improvised a spell, a variation on her dream walking ability. She wanted to explore her own memories in her mindscape. It had to be different than just remembering. She wanted to see what she had experienced in the past.
Luna stood within a field of stars. From here she usually went into dreams of other ponies, but before her was another door, crafted of blue mahogany wood, inlaid with silver emblems, showing the moon in all its different phases. There was no handle to it, but she never needed one, her magic opened the doorway for her just as well.
The road of stars continued on the other side of the door, walls of concrete lining the corridor at some distance, while a deep dark pool of water filled the space far below the bridge of stars. The sky above was a dark blue, just before the stars and the moon would become visible.
She trotted forward, going along the stars, watching the water below as memories from her recent past floated by in the stream below. They were warm memories, memories of her time with her sister, with her friends. From when she accepted her own darkness and forgave herself. The memories of helping the cutie mark crusaders and other fillies to overcome their own nightmares. Her first Nightmare Night after her return and her waking after the Nightmare had been dispelled from her body. Her memories from her time as Nightmare Moon came up, and with them, steam rose from the water below. It started to obscure the pictures that showed what she did in her dark form, and she was grateful for it. But the further she went, the thicker the mist got, and soon she couldn’t see or hear anything from her memories below. She could barely see the road of stars below her hooves. What would happen if she fell from the bridge? Would she drown in her own memories? Would they overcome her and make her into the dark mare once more? She shuddered at the thought and stopped.
She was happy now. Should she really risk going forward? She turned her head and looked back. The mist had already engulfed her; All she could see was endless gray and the faint twinkling of stars below.
Luna sighed and looked forward. She could always just wake herself and escape this place … her mindscape was hers to command. Going forward she willed the mist aside. After a few steps she had to blink. The mist didn’t heed her will, and the stars below hadn’t changed their position at all. She made another few steps and was certain now that she didn’t get any further. Something was blocking her, refusing her to access her own memories.
Her horn flared again as she fought against the invisible barrier before her. She would not be denied her own memories! Not now, not ever! She pressed on, digging her hooves into the ground, displacing some of the stars. She pushed forward with all her strength: Her hooves, her wings, and her magic. A headache started to form, her surroundings flickering with the increase of pain, her concentration started to falter, the dream, her mindscape started to fall apart. Stars winked out below her hooves. The mist disappeared and reappeared like a flickering candle flame, the walls showing cracks.
“I am Luna, the Princess of the Night”, she asserted herself, using her magic to keep her dreamscape together as she pushed even harder. Pain exploded in her mind as she stumbled forward, pushing past the barrier. The mist fell away as she heard the walls around her crumble before she could even see them.
The walls to the side of the corridor crumbled, stones fell away into the water below without rippling the calm surface. She could see the remains of a wall behind her, one she had just pushed through, made entirely of mist. As she faced forward again, she gaped in awe at another humongous wall.
It was made of hexagonal shapes, like a honeycombs. Many of the hexagons looked like broken glass, and some were oozing a dark black substance, while others shone as bright as the sun. Others yet again showed the pale silvery glow of moonlight. Interspersed between all was a rainbow-colored lattice that gave all those windows their shape.
Luna stepped carefully closer to one of the black shapes, and looked directly into the blackness beyond.
Her father stood before her, hoof raised, telling her to gallop away. She shivered. It was one of those intense memories that made her feel so jealous of her sister. She approached another and looked into the blackness. There was an empty field before her. She had just raised the moon, panted at the exhaustion, but feelt proud of herself. She looked around and saw that everypony had left already. She knew that they would be hiding in their homes until her sister would raise the sun again, although the stars in the sky sparkled beautifully and the pale light of the full moon illuminated the field. They hid from her creation although there was nothing to fear. Maybe they feared her as well? The thought brought tears to her eyes.
Luna stumbled backwards, feeling the pain in her heart as if she had just been on that field herself. She gulped and trotted slowly to the next black hexagon, steeling her resolve.
“Night mare, night mare”, the fillies and colts around her chanted. She pressed her hooves to her ears, trying to drown out the noise.
Luna shivered. All those dark hexagons held dark memories … and she remembered all of them clearly. She felt all the hurt those situations had left. Her heart was weeping and the black ooze stained the stars below her hooves. Tears stung in her eyes. Had ponykind really been that cruel in the past? Was it because all of that that she had broken? She shook her head. There had to be more. There couldn’t only be bad memories.
She gulped and trotted to a glowing hexagon. She hoped that she was right and that those would show her some good memories. She stared into the light.
Celestia sat next to her, struggling with her hooves to break up a zap apple. After it broke in half, she gave one to her. She knew that this small meal was a treasure, but she dug in regardless. The flavor that assaulted her tongue was overwhelming. She never had had such a good apple before …
She smiled and trotted to the next glowing hexagon. The light from that memory alone seemed to mend her heart.
A group of Zebras stood before her, staring in disbelief. After a moment they dropped to their knees. “We welcome you to the land of zebra kind”, the one in front said, “and we hope that we have no gifts you do not mind.”
All her old memories, good and bad, gleamed behind that wall. But there were still a few memories that she hadn’t seen, memories she hadn’t access to. The ones glowing with pale silver moonlight were still intact. She wondered what was behind those. And why they were blocking some of her past?
With an uneasy feeling in her heart, she approached one of the silvery shining hexagons. She charged her horn, the blue glow reflecting of the silvery surface. The magical bolt of power hit home and with it her head started to ring out in pain. Pain that was much worse than the one she had braced before.
As she opened her eyes, she found herself lying on the floor of her study once more. She stared at the roots of the tree shown in the window. The rest was hidden by her desk. What was with those walls in her mind? Why would they want to block her from reaching those memories? Had she done this to herself? Was this a ploy from someone else? Maybe even Discord? She slowly got to her hooves. This wasn’t something that would stop her. She would break through that barrier, and she would find the truth in those memories she has been denied.
Invoking her first spell once again, she found herself in front of the wall once more. Breaking the first wall of resistance had transformed her whole mindscape. She wondered what would happen if she broke the second wall.
She strode deliberately along the wall, searching for the tile she had attacked. She knew that it would break, if she managed to attack the same spot over and over again. Hopefully the whole wall would fall with it.
She looked into another hexagon, hoping that it was a familiar memory that would help her orient herself.
She sat in front of a large lake, staring on the reflection of the moon. She couldn’t sleep at night. She tried, but dreams or rest wouldn’t come for a long time. It had earned her the title of ‘night mare’ with the other foals … the name of a demon …
She shook her head, her fur standing on edge. It felt like this memory was connected to the one with the foals chanting “night mare”. She hoped that connected memories weren’t far apart.
Her father was frowning on her. He rose his voice: “I told you never to do that. You could have hurt somepony! You could have hurt yourself! Do you think I would want to come back to a hurt daughter, when she could have prevented this by not using magic in this way?”
She blinked. Somehow this memory was tinted dark, but … she understood what her father meant as he said that. As she smiled on the memory, the oozing suddenly stopped and she saw a bit of light shining through the otherwise still dark tile.
Her father … what happened to him? She has these memories of him – and then suddenly nothing. Nothing at all! These memories had to be locked behind the wall. She galloped along the wall, now only glimpsing into the memories every now and then. Suddenly she found a familiar memory. The zapapple. She took a step backwards and examined the wall. It had to be here, somewhere. She hoped it was here, hoped that it showed any sign of her having attacked it before.
Then she saw the hexagon with the chipped surface, a fine web of cracks radiating out from it. The cracks seemed to glow with a multi-hued light – and the cracks were closing. No, she wouldn’t let this wall best her! Her horn glowed a bright blue as she got hold of the tiles with her arcane grip; Her magic seeped into the cracks, pulled on them. Her head started to hurt once more, the stronger she pulled the stronger her headache became. Stars from the surface below blinked out, the cool blue of the sky above her flashed red, changing its hue to lighter shades of blue, and the hexagon lattice glowed in incandescent red, as if a mastersmithpony had heated metal to work on it.
Luna clenched her teeth, splitting her attention on keeping her mindscape together and pulling on the cracks of the tile. She gathered her power and gave a strong pull.
Something screamed within her head. Pain flared as her vision went white. Her concentration lost she screamed and then, suddenly, the pain was gone.
As the white of her vision began to fade, she saw the wall crumble before her. The hexagons fell to the ground as if they were simple shards of glass only, falling through the stars and into the water below, images of her memories flashed in the calm surface of the ocean below.
As the tiles in front of her eyes fell down, she could see beyond the wall, see the Tree of Harmony standing proud and tall within her mindscape. She remembered it well from when she was young. But why was it hidden in her mind behind a wall of other memories? She trotted forward and stopped. There was something else. Something that looked like it was an exact copy of the Tree of Harmony. It grew below the layer of stars, and instead of boasting all the colors of the rainbow, it looked black and gray. There were more subtle differences that told her that this wasn’t a mirror image of the tree standing before her. Instead it looked as if it had died a long time ago.
She approached the Tree, wary of the dark tree below, deliberately setting one hoof in front of the other, hoping that there wasn’t a third wall or some other thing that would stop her from reaching the tree within her mind. She stopped right in front of it. She could see her Cutie Mark on the crystal bark of the tree. But this one wasn’t showing both hers and her sisters – it only sported her crescent moon.
“Why have you been hidden inside my mind?” She asked and raised a hoof to touch the tree. She hesitated but then touched the moon.
Memories started to flow into her. Memories of times long past, of Harmony and their journey toward the Everfree Forest, of her father, of her meeting her sister. They filled all those gaps in her recollection of the past.
Tears started to run down her muzzle. "How could I have forgotten thee?" Her voice was barely a whisper. She remembered the pony that was more than just a friend, the pony that was like a second sister, the one that had sacrificed herself for them, leaving behind only that tree … and removing herself from the memories of everypony.
The image fell away, replaced by the stained glass version of the tree. It was all that was left of her, all she could be remembered by. But she had decided to vanish completely from the face of Equus. Luna felt that this cruelty was too much. Why did she have to punish herself like that?
She turned and galloped away, ignoring the sunlight filtering through the window. She knew that she had to lower the moon, that it was her duty, but at this moment, this duty wasn’t what was important. She quickly found the next open balcony door and jumped, unfolding her wings. She quickly headed south west, toward the Everfree Forest. Toward the home of what was left of Harmony.
- [ + ] -
Celestia trotted along the marble corridors of Canterlot Castle. She was worried about her sister – Luna never forgot to lower the moon. Something must have happened. She didn’t think that she could have fallen again. No. She had friends now, friends that showed her that she was appreciated. It had to be something else. Maybe it was another villain that had returned after a thousand years – many seemed to think that right now would be a good time for an evil reunion party.
No, that wasn’t it either. Any of those would always target both of them; and those that Celestia had stood up against alone, wouldn’t dare to get close to two alicorns. At least she hoped. It probably was on a much more personal level. Could it be …?
Celestia stopped as Luna galloped past her. She could see tears streaming from her sister’s eyes. She quickly turned and tried to catch up, tried to call after her, but her sister didn’t hear anything. In one quick motion she ran onto the balcony in Celestia’s bedroom, jumped and flew off, toward the south west.
“Then you know”, she whispered more to herself than to Luna. “Dear sister, I will join you shortly”, she said and closed her eyes in concentration. Her magic quickly connected to the moon, lowering it in her sister’s stead. It took her a bit longer than Luna, the celestial body following her guidance reluctantly.
As she opened her eyes, a white unicorn mare with a dark brown mane and tail approached her. She looked at Celestia with curious brown eyes that were framed with large glasses. A stack of papers floated next to her as well as a quill. “Princess? Has something happened?”
Celestia shook her head.
“Good.” She took the topmost paper. “You are late for breakfast.” She remarked casually and corrected the position of her glasses on her snout. “Today there is morning court, as always; and Golden Ruler has requested another personal audience. Then you have the meeting with the maretonian dignitaries in the afternoon.”
“You know”, Celestia stopped her, “actually, something has happened.” Celestia grabbed a blank scroll and a quill from the mare and wrote a few lines. “Morning court will begin late and I am calling in a substitute.” Her horn flared with light, green fire consumed the scroll.
“A… a substitute? Will Princess Luna …?”
“Princess Twilight Sparkle shall be my substitute for morning court.”
“Princess Twilight? But she has never …”
“I have utmost confidence in her skill. I am sure she will rule in Equestria’s best interest.” She spread her wings and went toward the balcony. Ignoring the mare behind her, she flapped hard, and gained altitude fast. She then followed her sister toward the Everfree Forest.