//------------------------------// // You, Me, and the Moon (Part One) // Story: The Princess and I: Moon // by Eggtaro //------------------------------// Oh. It's you...hello. No, no, it's not that I'm not pleased to see you or anything, it's just that...I've been doing some thinking you see. Some pretty deep thinking. Kinda like the ones where you'll sit in one place for hours, doing nothing but thinking, and thinking, and thinking a little bit more. That's what I've been doing for the past hour. Thinking. About certain stuff. Well...one stuff in particular. You see, ever since Grim left I've just been sitting here on my bed. Staring at the ceiling. Not because there was anything interesting hanging on the ceiling, no. It just kinda feels like the sort of place to look at when you wanna do some contemplating. Isn't that what most people do when they want to think? That's what I think at least. Anyway, before you start judging, hear me out on this one theory I'm starting to believe in; it might sound crazy, but it might just be crazy enough to actually work. I think...no, I know I got the power. Seriously. I truly, deeply believe that I got the power. The power that gifts me with this godly ability to bend the very wills of ponies to do as I command. Whatever I command; be it a silly request or a serious demand. I just need to ask, and they will obey me without question or doubt clouding their little minds. And all I need to give in return is a little scratch behind their ears, and a little tender rubbing on their backs. That alone will quickly turn them into jelly. And into my minions. Sometimes, it is the most simplest and most commonest of actions that makes other matters go your way. And it was about dang time things finally started going my way. Who would have guessed that the ponies of Equestria were so weak, so vulnerable to human fingers? Who would have knew that by using the ancient techniques of fingering one would be able to...to...er...um... Wait, wait...the way that went sounded so terribly wrong. Let me try it again, would you please? I shall rethink and rephrase my sentence momentarily. Scratching. There you go. Scratching, that's what I meant. Not the ones you'd normally hear in abandoned haunted houses or in an underground rap battle. Well, I'm not entirely sure what sort of scratchings are those, but you get what I'm trying to say, right? You do know what kind of scratching I'm talking about, right? But, alas, with great power, comes great responsibility. I need to make sure that I do not abuse my new found powers, for they may further corrupt my slowly corrupting mind. I also need to take extra care and precautions over my fingers. For they are the ones that will help secure my place in Canterlot Castle. Well, not really, no. It's not like I do have a place here in the first place; I'm just a slave, remember? I'm just thinking out loud here. Don't mind me. I like to fantasize and daydream about all sorts of queer situations and putting myself in them. Forget everything I just said, please. But I'm not lying about this "power" though. After that rather steamy rendezvous with Grim in my bedroom, I'm starting to believe that it just might be possible to get a few things my way by bribing the ponies with scratches and rubs--- judging by Grim's responses and reactions an hour ago. Or at least, make things much more tolerable here. Like being allowed to have more syrup for my pancakes during breakfast. The chefs down in the kitchens can be rather stingy about it, despite the near endless supply they probably have stored up inside somewhere within the castle's walls. Now, now, I'm not complaining about my life here in Canterlot Castle. It's only been like what, two days? Not as nearly as enough days to start passing judgements just yet. But is it really too much to ask for more syrup for my pancakes? Seriously. I'll make a mental note to remind myself to try bribing one of the chefs tomorrow morning. Anyway, what I'm really trying to say is that I'm curious as to how far I could go with just by scratching and rubbing. Grim wanted it pretty bad, to the point of begging, I might add. If my hypothesis is correct, I might be able to ask for something in return for my services. That doesn't sound like a bad deal, right? More of a trade, really. We'll just have to try and find out how truly desperate this ponies are. How badly do they want the chance and opportunity to personally taste my "skills" first-hand? I need to perform a test. And I know who'd be the perfect specimen for this experiment. Let's just hope she's as open-minded about this as I am. * * * * * * So, here I am, standing in front of the entrance to the throne room. The two guards standing on either side of the huge entrance glared at me with their usual guard-like-glare, with shiny white spears held tightly in their hooves (how do they do that?). I would share a friendly smile with them, but they don't seem that eager to move their lips. Do guards always have to look so pissed? "Good morning!" The guards said nothing. I swear I could hear my own voice echoing down the hall. Couldn't they at least blink or something? Or do anything else besides glaring at me? It's kinda unsettling. "Beautiful morning isn't it?" Silence. Of course it's silence. These guards sure don't like making small talk. I wonder what sort of topics these guards enjoy. Maybe I can get a conversation going if I hit the correct one. Well...if they even have any that is. No point in just standing here though. "I'm just...er...gonna slip right in there, if you two don't mind." That got them to talk. I haven't even got the chance to move a single inch when all of a sudden they brought down their spears to form a cross right in front of my face, blocking my only way into the throne room. To where my specimen is. My test subject. My lab rat. "State your purpose." the guard on my left said. His friend did not speak, but he sure loves glaring at me with narrowed eyes through his helmet, which was covering up most of their faces. "I'm looking for Raven." I told my inquisitor. "I have...things I wish to discuss with her." I took a bold step forward, but that made the guards shove their spears closer to my face. The guard on my right growled menacingly, baring his teeth. "The princess and her royal assistant are not to be disturbed during the morning council." said the non-growling guard. "Morning council? What's that." "Every morning, Princess Celestia uses several hours of her time to meet with her loyal subjects. They come from all over the kingdom, and those that come before her ask for advice, guidance, or aid from her highness." "Sounds pretty tiring." "You have no idea." the guard nodded. "But her highness has never failed to find the time for her subjects, despite having other pressing matters of her own to deal with." the guard gave me an annoyed look. "And that is why I will not allow you entry into the throne room. The princess cares deeply for all her subjects, and what little time her highness has for them is precious, and must not be interrupted because of silly matters such as yours." Wow, this guy sure can talk. And here I thought he just like being the strong, silent type. He does have a point. But, then again, so do I. You just gotta flex some of that influence, if you know what I mean. "But I'm here as the princess's guest." Seriously. I am the only human in this castle. Surely by now the entire castle should know who I am. Or at least, have heard of me. "You must have heard of me." I refuse to believe otherwise. "We know. And we have as well." the guard replied, unmoving. "But that does not give you the right to do whatever you want and go wherever you please." his buddy beside him huffed loudly. "Although, I must admit that you are a being of immense courage and bravery." I gave them both a confused look. What was he talking about? Immense courage and bravery? Moi? Did I perform some sort of heroic act here in Equestria that I wasn't fully aware about? No, that can't be right. It's only been two days, and I do not own a magical mystical sword yet. Nor have I receive any heroic quest from any desperate kings. "Word of your fearlessness has spread across the entire castle." the guard continued, blatantly ignoring my facial expression. "Some here in the castle call you a legend." the guard on the right snorted rudely beside me, as if he did not share that sentiment. "W-wait what?" There must be some sort of mistake; I don't recall having doing anything that warrants such compliments. "I-I don't understand what you're talking about." Did it happen when I was asleep, maybe? That would probably explain some of it. But I don't think I have a history of sleepwalking and doing legend-worthy stuff at the same time. Both of the guards lifted their eyebrows. "You are Ron the Human, are you not?" "I am." I said slowly. "Were you not the one who saved Grim of the Night's Guard from her cruel punishment?" I smacked my forehead. "Oh, poopie-sticks." * * * * * * "Wait, wait, wait. So you just went into the kitchens without even knowing what was being served as the punishment? Are you mad?" I sighed. "Is not like I wanted to; I got forced inside by the chefs. But when I was inside the smell that hung about made me think that it was going to be a food that I was used to eating back on Earth." I pinched the bridge of my nose, shaking my head back and forth as I thought back on that horrible, horrible day. "I thought I had it in the bag." I admitted sadly. Sword, the guard who was on my left, laughed loudly. "Ha! I guess you thought wrong din't you?" he gave his friend a nudge on the shoulder. "Can you believe it, Shield? He actually thought it was going to be a durian! A smelly durian! Ha!" Sword pulled his helmet off and placed it on the floor, wiping away the sweat that has appeared on his forehead. Do ponies even sweat? Wait, what am I talking about, of course they do. I have Grim to thank for that, for she is the one that blessed me with that pointless knowledge only moments ago. Shield, the guard who was on my right, chuckled inaudibly with his free hoof covering his mouth, but said nothing else. But I could see it in his eyes that he was pitying me. Or was it something else? Feeling sorry for me perhaps? "Oh, boy." Sword panted, clutching his chest and taking in a few deep breaths. "I haven't had a laugh like this in a long time." Shield nodded in agreement, still chuckling. "And to think that there are actually ponies here calling you a legend!" Sword roared himself back into laughter again, much louder than before. "A legend indeed!" I groaned loudly. I can't believe I'm being laughed at by a bunch of Royal Guards. Not that I mind their sudden change of personality, no. But do they really need to be so loud? Didn't Sword just said a few moments ago that the princess was having some sort of important meet and greet with her beloved subjects? Laughing at the top of your voice is sure to be the last bit of action one should be doing right now. It isn't wise. "I get it, it's funny as hell---" "You bet it is!" Sword roared, dropping his spear on the floor. "I-I mean, I've heard all sort of stories that are downright hilarious---" he stopped himself briefly and quickly took a deep breath. "---but seriously!" he panted. "This...this one takes the cake!" Sword pauses for a moment, panting and breathing heavily at the same time. The silence was a much appreciated welcome, but not two seconds have passed us when the guard suddenly started laughing again, clutching his sides. All sense of dignity and duty forgotten completely. If this guard doesn't stop laughing any time soon, he just might actually die from laughter. Last thing I'd want right now is being the cause of a pony's death. I gave Shield a look and jerked my head in his friend's direction. If Shield is as smart as I think he is he just might get the hint that maybe it was about time he put a stop to his friend's unyielding laughter. He didn't laughed as long as Sword did and he most certainly didn't laugh half as loud as his pal. He wasn't laughing any more too, so I'm quite sure he did not find my story as amusing as his friend does. Shield stared at me, his face confused, as his eyes followed the direction to where my head was jerking at. One brief look at Sword was more than enough for Shield to get the message. He answered me with a silent nod and approached his buddy. And smacked his friend square in the jaw with his armoured hoof. * * * * * * Pretty hardcore, I must say. As Sword lay knocked out on the floor underneath my feet --- with a huge grin and swollen left cheek --- I couldn't help but wonder if this was a common thing between the two of them. I didn't say anything as Shield grabbed Sword's fallen spear and quietly placed the spear in a standing position, letting it lean against the wall behind him. "Thanks." I said, though I wasn't sure if Shield would actually respond. He nodded his helmeted head. "Is he going to be okay?" I asked. Sword was knocked out pretty good. Maybe too good. I think this wasn't Shield first time knocking his friend out. Shield gave me a look that said "I do this all the time." Along with a shrug that said "He'll be fine. Don't worry about it." "G-great..." I said with a nod. I didn't know how else to respond to that answer. "Must be pretty rough on you, huh?" The guard nodded again silently. Not really a fan of talking, this one. But at least he's responding. As the seconds went on I felt that the situation was getting more and more awkward. We have been doing nothing except standing here in front of the grand entrance, silently staring back at each other. Though no longer as aggressively as before. I needed to break the slowly engulfing silence. "I don't suppose I can go in?" I cautiously asked, finally returning back to the whole point of me being here in the first place. "I mean...we practically buds now, right?" A nervous chuckle left my throat. "You gonna let me in?" Shield said nothing, but cocked his head to one side as if thinking about what I just said. Unfortunately, his shook his head, his helmet silently following his head's every movement. "Oh, come on..." I groaned. "Why still can't I go in?" Shield pointed at the door behind me. Strangely enough, I get what he was trying to say. "The important meeting with the subjects." I sighed. "Right." Shield nodded contentedly. Obviously, he was satisfied with the way he managed to handle the situation all by himself. Must be feeling pretty good about himself. Yeah right. There is definitely nothing good to feel about. All he did was deny my only way in to see Raven. But I wasn't about to give up. I didn't come all the way here just to be scolded, educated, and laughed at for no reason. I wanted results and god-damn it I will get them! No matter what it takes! Purely for scientific purposes, of course. Not because I was dying to see her or anything. Pfft. Shut up. "Ten minutes." I bargained, standing straight and puffing my chest out. "Just give me ten minutes in there and I'll be out of your mane faster than you can say fahrvergnügen." Shield stared blankly at me. Poor choice of words, maybe? "Please?" He shook his head. "Seven minutes!" He shook his head. "Five minutes?" He shook his head. "Four?" He shook his head. "Ah, Shield, you're breaking my balls here. You're breaking my balls, Shield." He shook his head. It was quite clear that my outstanding bargaining skills would not be able to penetrate Shield's...well...shield. I was running out of options. Now that I think about it. There wasn't really that much options to begin with. Well, I could just turn and leave. No big deal. It wasn't as if the balance of the entire universe depended solely on me testing out my idea. But I want to know! I need to know! It has become a nagging thought and feeling that will never ever leave my brain unless I deal with it. It's like a thorn. In the brain! I'm thirsty. Thirsty for knowledge. And the only way that thirst will ever be sated is if I test my theory out. Obsessive, I know. It's hard, man. Shut up. My gaze falls onto the guard standing in front of me. We both stared at each other for a while. ... I know what I must do. It is during times like this, is where a man has to make do with what he has been given. And I've been given a test subject. Not the most favourable one, but it's better than nothing. "You know..." I took a step forward, advancing towards Shield. He looks at me with a cautioned glare. But it only lasted a second. "If I couldn't test it on Raven..." I lifted both my hands, and wiggled all my fingers at the guard, who was backing up against the door. Positively terrified. I honestly didn't expect that my wiggling fingers would actually scare him, but I'm gonna go with it. I wiggled them even harder, trying my best to make them look like menacing sausages. ... Just menacing. Shield was gripping hard onto his spear, but he seems to have forgotten on how to use it. The sudden sight of wiggling fingers must have gave him quite a surprise. Perhaps not all ponies are used to the sight of hands just yet. I can use this to my advantage. I was getting closer, and closer. I wanted to let out an evil laugh, just for the sake of it. But I might get murdered right on the spot by every guard within earshot. It's kinda weird that Shield wasn't getting up and bucking me right in the groin with his planet-destroying hooves. He sure looked like he was about to just minutes ago. Now he looks like jelly. All jiggly and shit. "You're gonna have to do, dude." I breathed. Most of Shield's body armour was covering him. Which would make it tough for my fingers to dig through. The helmet, on the other hand, would be easy to nick from his head, which would then allow me free access to his ears and head; a good spot to start with the experiment. The perfect chance. The perfect plan. "Get ready." I whispered. Without another warning, I lunged at Shield, making a swipe for his helmet. The guard squeaked and released his spear, letting it fall to the side onto his partner's knocked out body. He quickly tried to protect his helmet by covering his head with his hooves. But I was much faster. Just before his front hooves could even reach his snout, I grabbed tightly onto the helmet and pulled with all my might, freeing the helmet from its wearer. "Prepare yourself, Shield!" I cried triumphantly, throwing his helmet to one side. It didn't really matter if anyone hears us any more. This was too good a chance to let go. And I need to make the best of it. I turned my head back to face the helmet-less guard and with a roar that went "OORRRAAAAA!" I extended both my arms in his direction--- Only to quickly pull them both back to my side. For before my hands could even touch the guard, I saw something that I never would have expected coming from a Royal Guard of Canterlot Castle (with the exception of Grim, but she's a special case); The Royal Guards that always stood diligently in front of doors and entrances. The Royal Guards that swore to serve and protect their beloved princesses and kingdom. The Royal Guards that are said to be brave and strong and having asses harder than steel. What did I saw, you ask? Tears. Tears flowed mercilessly down Shield's cheek and face. The scene before me broke my heart almost instantly. I only wanted to test out my idea; I never meant to make anyone cry. Seeing this grown dude fighting back his tears right in front of me is pathetic. So much so to the point that I wonder if I should bend down to comfort him. Well...I can't just leave him down there now, can I? That will be inhumane of me; a man must own up to his mistakes, regardless of what that mistake may be. The guard covered his face with his hoof, hiding his face from view. Yeah, it's best if I comfort him. I'm starting to feel guilty. Which is the exact feeling I should be feeling, mind you. After refilling my lungs with a deep breath, I inch closer to the sniffling guard and got down on one knee. "S-Shield?" I call out, slowly and carefully reaching out for his shoulder with my hand. Being this close, I got a better look at my poor victim; his coat was not the usual paper-white colour like all the other Royal Guards I saw, but instead a very pale, very light yellow colour. His mane a shining bright red colour, like blood. Not the scary kind, if that make any sense. I also found it rather odd that this guard has his mane tied up into a ponytail but...I'm getting off track here. I gave my head a little shake and pulled my attention back onto Shield. "I'm so sorry, man. I didn't mean to scare you or anything. I just..." I want to continue, but I was unsure whether or not my next words would do more harm than good. It's a risk I'm not sure I want to take. "I'm so sorry, dude." I repeated. "I'm really, really sorry for what I did." My hand is close to his shoulder now, just silently hovering above him. "Please stop crying?" I gently place my hand on Shield's shoulder. I expected a reaction, but he didn't flinch at my touch, so I took that as a good sign. I heard Shield sniffle one more time before he lifted his head to glance at me, with leftover tears still swimming down the pony's face--- And...I immediately lost the rest of my sentence. "Y-you...you're a..." I don't believe this. "I...I didn't..." How did I not realize it sooner? I mean, not that I could. But still... Shield blinked at me with watery eyes and slowly rubbed her face with her hoof. Yes, you heard me right. Her. Her. HER. And just at that exact moment, like some sort of sick turn of events, the huge doors in front of me swung inwards. The doors opened with such strength I felt the wind around me being forcefully sucked towards it, like a huge vacuum cleaner. I'm not even kidding. I'm dead serious. I let go of Shield's shoulder and looked up towards the doors. I gasped. Loudly. Like an idiot out of air. For the pony walking out the door was the last being on Earth that I wanted to see right now, especially during a time such as this; me, bended over a crying guard while the other remained unconscious on the castle floor. A lot of explaining will need to be explained, that's for sure. But she's also the one I'm dying to see the most. I stare at her with my jaw hanging wide open, like a moron. And she greeted my stare with a stare of her own, her own mouth wide open as well. I can't believe it's her. Luna.