Caverns & Cutie Marks

by TheColtTrio


Chapter 65: Paranoid Mane Six Shenanigans

To say that the Mane Six were walking in silence would be ever so slightly inaccurate. For the first day, the six mares had done only two things: walk and talk. A whole twenty-four hours spent reconnecting, chatting, and pondering the nature of the world Discord had created for them.
By the second day, on the other hoof, they had run out of things to talk about.
Aside from a few scattered conversations between two or three of the mares—for example; who exactly is Murphy and why did he take up law—the ponies spent their time in silence.
“But if Wits End knows about the Pinkie Promise, and Purple Heart is so blasé about morality, and Light Patch is… well, Light Patch, then how’re we supposed to trust them in a fight? I mean, what if they’re secretly spies from outside of Equestria, with weird alien creatures and weird alien agendas, and a goal to incapacitate their biggest threat: the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony!”
Well, almost silence.
Rainbow Dash sighed. “Twilight, don’t you think you might be overreacting juuuust a little?”
“Yeah,” Applejack agreed. “Ah mean, Discord is somewhat reformed an’ ah don’t see why he’d go out of his way to bring us here and summon those three if they were spahs or somethin’ like that. While I agree with your deductions regardin’ their morality, they don’t seem like th’ kind to side with aliens of all things.”
“Also, if they were alien invaders, wouldn’t it be more likely for them to not know about the Pinkie Promise,” Pinkie cheerily chimed in, “and wouldn’t they have likely to have given it away by failing to know one of the most basic things about pony culture by now? Like, knowledge about cutie marks, or that they’re secretly carnivores, or breathe carbon or something?”
Twilight fell silent for a moment. “Carbon doesn’t have a scent, so…”
“Twilight, darling, please.” Rarity sighed dramatically. “You’ve been at this ever since you checked on them last. They’ve already proven themselves to be at least reliable.” She fluffed her mane, frowning at the slight lack of bounce it had acquired over the last few days. “Besides, it’s not as if we’ve been telling them our life stories either. For all they know, we’re the aliens.”
Rainbow snorted loudly. “Can you imagine that? Who in their right minds would think ponies were a weird alien race? We don’t even have tentacles!”
There was silence for a moment. “Well,” Applejack said, “she ain’t wrong.”
“That aside,” Fluttershy said gently, “Rarity’s right, Twilight. We don’t know a lot about them, but they don’t know a lot about us either.” The pink-maned pegasus glanced around. “And, um, the things they do know, maybe they learned it from somewhere else?”
“We did kinda take down,” Applejack started counting on her hooves, “Nightmare Moon, King Sombra, Discord, Trixie with th’ Alicorn Amulet, Queen Chrysalis, Tirek, and Discord again.” The farmpony raised an eyebrow at Pinkie Pie, who had supplied her with extra hooves. “Thanks, Pinkie. Not to mention th’ whole ‘Bearers of th’ Elements of Harmony’, ‘Princess of Friendship’, and th’ giant crystal castle that popped outta the ground like a daisy. Like it or not, Twi, but we ain’t exactly the small-town ponies we use to be.”
“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash agreed. “I’m certain that most all of Equestria knows who we are. It wouldn’t be a great stretch for some facts about us to be passed around. Gossip happens. No offense, Rares.”
“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about, Rainbow,” Rarity sniffed.
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Okay, they may know us from word of mouth, but come on! Surely the only ponies who know what a Pinkie Promise is live in Ponyville?”
“There’s also Celestia, Luna, Discord, some of the guard for Canterlot, Shining Armor, Cadence,” Applejack counted out again, getting some help from Pinkie when she ran out of hooves. “Twi, th’ Pinkie Promise isn’t all that big a secret. Discord could have put th’ term int’ their heads when he summoned ‘em.”
“Fine,” the purple alicorn snapped. “What about Light Patch’s account regarding that place he was talking about? You know, when we were in the inn after Purple Heart was arrested and sentenced to the Coliseum?” Pinkie tilted her head with a thoughtful look.
“What about it? All of the philosophical stuff that's basically a counterpoint to pony society? Or do you mean the bit about where they didn’t have an immortal leader who was able to start plans and then see them through to the end without interference from opposing political forces?” She returned the stunned looks from her friends with one of confusion. “What? Light Patch and I got talking about governmental structures after we’d gotten out of the caverns with Dashie and Profits.”
“Ugh, don’t remind me. If I wasn’t pulling one of the carts at that time, I’d have been anywhere else,” Rainbow Dash moaned.
“Patchy is so much fun to talk politics and philosophy with. He never starts shouting like most ponies I know would.” Pinkie paused mid-pronk as she thought. “Ooh! He’s also more than willing to play the Devil’s Advocate for some of the philosophical debates. He even says he has fun doing it at times.”
Twilight nodded vigorously, seizing the opportunity. “Exactly! Who find fun in playing the devil’s advocate? Besides-” She paused. “Um, Pinkie? What’s a devil’s advocate?”
“Well... As Patchy explained it, the devil was some kind of evil being that he believed stemmed mostly from some religious beliefs common to where they come from.” Pinkie adjusted the glasses she’d put on. “But as the term stands now, it’s most commonly used for someone who is being the advocate or at least standing for either the unpopular opinion, or for evil in some cases. An example he gave me would be someone speaking for the political ideals of a group they didn’t agree with.”
The mares were silent as they absorbed what Pinkie Pie had said. While they didn’t want to actively pry into the three stallions’ background, they were definitely curious to know more about them.
Twilight rubbed at her face with a hoof in exasperation. “Okay,” she said, “can we all agree that we’ll at least try to get those three to open up to us a little bit?”
“S’long as you don’t get them jumped up on cider,” Applejack ordered firmly. “Drunk Wits End was hard enough to deal with. Ah don’t even want ta imagine what drunk Light Patch and Purple Heart are like.”
“What was Wits End like?” Fluttershy asked curiously.
Twilight and Applejack shared a look.
“Opinionated”
“Strange.”
“Blunt.”
“Hopelessly romantic,” they said in unison.
“Uh, girls?” Rainbow Dash cut in. “Not to interrupt gossip time, but we’re not alone.” The five mares followed the rainbow-maned pegasus’ pointed hoof. A golden stallion clad in chain and plate armor was trotting their way, his head obscured by a great helm, and a white tabard over his body. “I don’t trust him…” Rainbow muttered.
“I concur,” Rarity agreed, narrowing her eyes at the approaching stallion.
“Now all of us are gettin’ paranoid,” Applejack sighed.
“He looks like a Paladin,” Twilight commented. “Most likely a Light-oriented one.”
“Oooh, I wonder if he knows Justice Deserts! I’ll go ask him!” Pinkie chimed in, bouncing over to the strange stallion.
“Wait, Pinkie!” the five mares hissed, staring as the pink earth pony bounced up to the paladin.
“Hiya!” Pinkie greeted cheerily. “My name’s Pinkie Pie! Do you know a pony named Justice Desserts? He looks alot like you! All sparkly and shiny and clean!”
The armor-clad stallion looked up from his reverie. “Hmm? Ah, hello! I’m afraid I don’t know anypony by that name.” He nodded to the approaching mares. “I am Wayward Sun, an adherent of the Lady of Sunlight. How may I…” His gaze shifted to Rarity. “Oh ho! I see you’ve found your companions once again. I had worried about your safety.”
Rarity raised an eyebrow. “I’m… sorry? I don’t think we’ve met before.”
Wayward Sun fell silent for a moment. “Well, yes, quite understandable. Not to worry! I was in the wrong. We’ll laugh it off, shall we?” The stallion chuckled. “Now, what manner of quest sets six young mares on the road?”
“We’re on a mission from Queen Amber Glitter,” Twilight explained, “to investigate the state of the village of Ade.”
“Oh ho?” Wayward Sun nodded. “That’s quite the coincidence! I am returning to Ade from my quest to Lost Izalithoroughbred.” The golden stallion looked the six mares over. “In that case, I have a proposition, if you have a moment. Perhaps we could travel together, and engage in jolly co-operation?”
“Well.” Twilight looked at the stallion. “We did lose our heavy hitter,” she said slowly. She wasn’t sure if her paranoia about the colts was clouding her judgment but she was hesitant to trust him. “What do you girls think?”
“The more the merrier!” Pinkie shouted, not unexpectedly. “Plus he hasn’t answered my question about Justice Deserts.” She was suddenly next to him and stared through his helmet.
“Not that we need th’ help,” Applejack muttered. “Still, it ain’t like it’ll hurt nothing.”
Fluttershy shifted uncomfortably. “Um, if it’s not too much of a problem. I mean, he doesn’t seem too… dangerous.”
“I don’t trust him,” Rainbow Dash muttered. “But I don’t see the harm in joining forces for a bit. Safety in numbers and all that.”
“We might as well,” Rarity sighed. “Having a guide wouldn’t hurt, nor would having a heavy hitter to replace Purple Heart for the time being.”
Twilight sighed, stifling her paranoia. “Well, I suppose if we’re all agreed…” She turned to the armored stallion. “Welcome aboard, Mister Wayward.”
Wayward Sun perked up. “Ah hah! Excellent! Allow me to be the first to officiate this co-operation. You six were planning on taking this path until you reached Ade, were you not?” The mares nodded. “Fortunately for our little group, I know a shortcut.” He turned, walking off the road the mares had been traveling on. “Follow me, and we’ll be there before the sun has left the sky!”
The mares trailed several paces behind the exuberant paladin pony as he walked through the trees, parting bushes and branches with his passing.
“I wonder how the colts are doing,” Rarity wondered out loud. “Do you think you could check in with them, Twi?”
“Yeah I probably should,” she thought for a moment before deciding to contact Light Patch first. If I can even get through to him, she added mentally upon remembering he was underground, again. She focused on the spell and after a few seconds she felt the connection become established. She jumped at the sudden surge of Light Patch’s thoughts.
“Ooohgodpleasedon’tletmedietodaytomorrowwouldbesomuchbetter!Pleasedon’tletmefallpleasedon’tletme--gahspiderthoraxinthefacedonotwant--ohgeeseIlookeddownagaincelestialunadiscordlurchincthulhupleaseanysuperpoweredbeingslisteningdon’tletmefall!” Light Patch mentally wailed. Twilight closed the link on her own, realising she wasn’t going to get anything coherent from him this time.
“Well,” Twilight deadpanned aloud, “Light Patch isn’t dead… Yet. We can only hope Just Duty keeps him alive.” Twilight sighed and cast the spell again, focusing on Purple Heart this time. “Purple Heart? Please don’t mentally scream in my brain.”
“Shhhh~” the purple earth pony replied.
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Did you just shush our mental, undetectable, absolutely silent communication?”
“Be vewy, vewy qwuiet. I’m hunting wabbits.”
“...Good bye, Purple Heart.”
“Okay, okay! I’m being for serious...maybe. Yeesh, can’t take a joke, can you? Did Light Patch scream at you or something?”
“I’m not entirely sure what happened. I understood something about praying not to die today and spider thoraxes, and that was about it. I’m assuming Just Duty will take care of his little panic attack, though. What’s this about rabbits?”
“Ahh, the Spathi Prayer. He’s fine. Just Duty can Gibb-smack him better if need be. As for rabbits, apparently the village of Mistakwe was built on ground sacred to their tribes.”
“...An ancient Bunny burial ground? Purple Heart, are you feeling okay?”
“Of course I’m okay! Why wouldn’t I be? And no, not burial grounds. More like ‘official tribe meeting grounds’.”
Twilight sighed. “I’m sure there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for this. Are you safe? Are the bunnies threatening with a civil suit? Maybe Bunnies v. Purple Heart?”
“Safe? Yes. Healthy? Yes. Mentally unstable...I dunno. I doubt these HARES will settle for a domestic dispute. Some of these buggers are trained warriors. They have the leg power to take Mistakwe if need be, regardless of high walls.”
“...What.”
“I’m serious. These hares could wreck those in the village with little difficulty. Some of these hares are old, but I don’t doubt their ability. They’re called ‘Fighting Hares’ for a reason. I blame Discord.”
Twilight took a moment to gather her thoughts. “Sure. Okay. I’ll expect a full explanation when we meet up. Try not to get beaten up by bunnies, okay?”
“Your faith in me is inspiring. Next time you look at Angel, remember this: hares are TERRIFYING. Purple Heart out.”
“Wha-” Twilight was interrupted by the connection closing. She frowned; her paranoia was picking up more than ever. “Purple Heart seems… fine.”
“That sounds like there’s a story behind it,” Applejack muttered.
“It’s those three. There’s a story behind everything,” Rainbow Dash chimed in.
There’s still one with a story to tell, Twilight thought, focusing in on Wits End. “Wits, I swear, don’t do anything weird this ti-”
Instead of the unicorn responding, Twilight became suddenly aware of peaceful music playing through the mental link. “We’re sorry,” a neutral voice stated, “but the number you called does not exist. Please hang up, and do not call again.” The message repeated before the princess of friendship closed the connection.
Rarity frowned at the look on Twilight’s face. “It didn’t go well, I take it?”
“At this point, I’m not sure if I should be worried more than irritated.” Twilight sighed again. “I’m sure he’s fine. What’s the worst trouble he could get into, anyway?”
“He could have prompted a fight with a dragon,” Applejack offered.
“His wit might have gotten him into a situation similar to what happened to Purple Heart,” Rarity said thoughtfully.
“He might have fallen off another cliff,” Rainbow said, trying to suppress her giggles at the image in her head.
“Um, he might have tripped and gotten a cut, which became an infection,” Fluttershy timidly suggested.
“His show might have run short by a minute, or maybe he’s been kidnapped by alien turtles and now we’ve gotta get to their airship armada to rescue him. Or-” Rainbow’s hoof silenced Pinkie Pie.
“You know what?” Twilight said quickly. “He’s fine! Perfectly fine, nothing wrong with him.” She turned to their armored guide. “So, what kind of a place is Ade, Mister Wayward?”
“Oh, it’s a peaceful place,” Wayward replied over his shoulder, his smile apparent in his tone. “No domestic disputes, no crime, no disease, no danger, no worries! We’re all at peace there, thanks to the Lady of Sunlight! She takes care of us. Even the wildlife.”
“Then why haven’t they responded to the Queen’s couriers?” Twilight asked.
“Why bother?” Wayward chuckled merrily. “Rulers seem to come and go so quickly nowadays. By the time we responded, somepony new could be in charge! Ade is well enough, and the rest of Roania will be as well, soon enough.”
For some inexplicable reason, the Mane Six shivered. They all felt as if, had they not been sucked into this world by Discord, they might have been dealing with some problem vaguely similar to what they felt now.
Applejack frowned as she peered at the earth pony. Something was niggling at the back of her mind in the same place that it would when she thought somepony was lying to her. Wayward Sun sounded like he was lying… But he seemed to believe what he himself was saying about this ‘Lady of Sunlight’. The orange earth pony decided she’d tell Twilight as soon as possible. She was getting more red flags than was already there.
“Hey, Twi?” Applejack mused, glancing meaningfully at the purple alicorn.
Twilight had just opened her mouth to ask Wayward Sun more about the situation. She sighed, closed her mouth, and turned her head back to the farmpony. “Yes, Applejack?”
“Well, ah was thinkin’...” She trailed off. Twilight’s brow furrowed.
“Thinking of what?”
“Just thinkin’...” Applejack trailed off again as she jerked her head upwards, her eyes rolled high.
“...Yes?” Twilight prompted. “What is it?”
Applejack almost sighed in exasperation. “Oh, nothing. Just televising the path.” The orange earth pony put as much emphasis on the three syllables as she could. She thought it was subtle enough. Or maybe too much...
Twilight blinked slowly. “Applejack, are you feeling okay?”
Twilight turned at the sound of Pinkie clearing her throat, she froze when her gaze meet the dead seriousness of Pinkie’s look. After a few seconds of Pinkie making sure she had Twilight’s undivided attention, she slowly raised her hoof and reached into her hair to pull out a sheet of tin foil. Her eyes never straying from Twilight’s. She folded the tin foil into the same shape as a paper hat and instilling as much purpose as she could. She placed the tin foil hat on her head, and waited until the dawning of comprehension twinkled in Twilight's eyes. Four seconds later, the sun rose over Twilight's mind and her mouth formed a small ‘oh’. The feeling of the mental communication spell appeared in the six mare’s heads. Pinkie smiled in celebration and took a bag of chips from her hair, popping it open quietly before beginning consumption.
“Alright,” Twilight thought at the other five mares. “What is it, Applejack?”
“Mah Honesty senses are tinglin’,” Applejack said promptly. “He sounds like he’s lying, but he seems to believe what he’s sayin’. Ah’m gettin’ more red flags. We shouldn’t trust him.”
“Maybe he’s being mind controlled!” Rainbow Dash cut in. “Maybe if we take that bucket off his head, there’ll be a big blue beetle with tentacles wrapped around his face and it’s controlling his every thought and movement!”
Fluttershy mentally cleared her throat. “Um, Rainbow Dash? You’re wiggling your hooves and it might kind of freak him out if he turns around.”
“...Sorry.”
“Even if he is unknowingly telling a lie, what exactly could we do about it?” Rarity chimed in. “Confronting him about it could bring about a conflict we’re not able to deal with at the moment. It might be best if we simply play along until we know more about this-”
“Celestia-sounding-alike?” Pinkie interupted. “What, you can’t tell me that I wasn’t the only pony who drew a connection between Sunny and the princess? At least in name?”
“It’s certainly a similar title,” Twilight mused. Her face lit up in a smile. “Maybe Celestia got through to Discord, and this is her way of getting us out of here!”
Applejack coughed. “Or maybe it’s Discord bein’ petty and makin’ Princess Celestia th’ villain of this story. It’d be just his style.”
“Seems a bit lazy, don’t you think?” Rarity asked.
“Like Ah said,” Applejack continued, “lazy. Wits did say it seemed like Discord’s pullin’ from more than one source for this.”
Twilight frowned. “Are we’re really going to trust those three at this point? This Lady of the Sun sound’s nice!”
“Or scary.” Fluttershy waited to see if anypony else would interrupt before continuing. “Not even Princess Celestia cares directly for the animals. She leaves that to the rest of the ponies. If this Lady of the Sun can make it so that even the animals are peaceful, she might be even more powerful than the Princess.”
“All in favor of being wary of Sunny Delight paranoia?” Pinkie asked.
A collection of ‘aye’s’ went up in the telepathic chat before it dissipated. They all had to keep an eye on the oddly cheerful earth pony now. They didn’t know what his game was, or this ‘Lady of Sunlight’s for that matter.
“When did the Lady of Sunlight come to Ade?” Twilight asked, gently probing for more information.
Wayward Sun pondered the question for a moment before he chuckled, the sound echoing within his helm. “A month, maybe two… no, three months ago. Our fair Lady didn’t waste time in establishing herself, I can tell you that.” He laughed again at the look of concern on the six mares’ faces. “Not by violence, of course. She simply helped the old mayor realize that his talents were better served elsewhere while she, as they say, handled the daily grind. A decision I think we all can agree on, no?”
“And what was that, exactly?” Rarity asked.
“Why, negotiating of course!”
Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Negotiating with whom, exactly?”
“Oh, everypony!” Wayward chuckled again. “It started with the neighboring villages. Izzapeeg, Hoofstra, Reinier, and so on. From there, our Lady, sent ambassadors all across Roania. Why, they’ve even reached as far as Ibnutas Pass!” The golden stallion paused for a moment. “Which thus far has refused, but I’m sure they’ll see the light soon enough. I myself have just returned from Lost Izalithoroughbred on a quest from the Lady of the Sun herself!”
“Quite a mouthful, that name,” Rarity muttered. “I wouldn’t want to say it three times fast.”
Pinkie Pie took a deep breath. “Lost Izalithoroughbred, Lost Iza-”
“Please don’t, dear.”
The pink mare ‘awwed’ in disappointment only to perk up. “What kind of quest? Is it a cool quest? Did you beat the dancing Merry Mares? What about the squatters? Any short lords perchance? OOH! What about brimstone? Meet any ogres? Or talking donkeys for that matter?”
Wayward shook his head. “No such perils, I’m afraid. I simply retrieved an artifact our Lady requested. I would show you, but…” His voice took on an odd tone. “I’m afraid our jolly cooperation would have to come to an end in that case.” After a tense moment, the golden stallion laughed. “Not to worry! I’m sure the Lady of the Sun would be more than happy to explain once we arrive.”
“We look forward to hearing it,” Twilight replied simply.
“Well, you’ll hear it soon enough, I think.” Wayward gestured toward where the path opened up. “Ade is just through there. However, I’m afraid I must attend to some business alone before I return. Please, feel free to continue without me. When you meet with the Lady of the Sun, simply inform her that we are in cooperation.” He waved a hoof as he took a branching path away from the main way. “Farewell, and may the sun always shine down on your endeavors!”
The six mares waved bid the stallion goodbye and collectively sighed in relief once they were sure he’d gone. “Well, if we hadn’t already decided to not trust the stallion, I’d say that remark about the ‘end to our jolly cooperation’ would have flipped me,” Rarity said as the group got moving again.
“Agreed,” Applejack grunted. “Ah don’t think everything he said about this Lady of the Sun is as sunshine and daisies as he said it is.”
“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash piped up. “That was a threat, if ever I saw one.”
“Do you think the Lady of the Sun has any nefarious plans in mind?” Rarity asked, turning to Twilight. “I mean, he was rather tight-lipped about the whole quest he had completed. I wouldn’t be surprised if that artifact he was carrying would have been better left unfound.”
“We’ll see when we get to Ade, girls,” Twilight interjected. “Then we can ask the Lady of the Sun ourselves.”
“Um,” Fluttershy whispered. “I don’t think that will be as easy as you say it is.” The five other mares blinked at the yellow pegasus.
“How do you know?” Rarity inquired.
Fluttershy gestured forward. The other mares followed her hoof and blinked.
They had just walked past a large wooden gate. Beyond was a village.
An empty village.
No ponies.
No noise.
Nothing.
The Mane Six stared around at the empty village in dumbstruck silence. In hindsight, it was obvious why they hadn’t realized they’d walked into the town without noticing. There were no merchants at their stalls hawking their wares, no commoners trudging down the street doing their day to day activities, no guardsponies watching for danger....
It was a ghost town.
Twilight stood there and did the only thing she could.
“Purple, Light, Wits? We’ve got a bit of a problem...”