War. Ponies didn't go to war. So why had war been declared?
Crystal swallowed around a lump in her throat as she shifted her attention to the article under the awful headline. Two of the gryphon kingdoms were going to war, and Equestria had pledged its support to its ally, Nordanver, against the invading Sudramoar.
Her head started to spin. Nordanver. Nordanver was where the attack had been that put Silent in a coma. Her stomach clenched and her knees went weak. He was going back to Nordanver. He was going to war. There was no way Silent would stay behind, especially not when the gryphons were involved.
She needed more information. The newspaper gripped in her magic, she started walking, then jogging, then full-on galloping to the library. Tears stung at her eyes from the thoughts swirling through her mind.
Equestria was at war.
Ponies were going to war.
Silent was going to war.
Ponies died in wars.
Silent was going to die.
The doors to the library stood little chance when Crystal found them. They may have been locked for all she knew, but her panic-fueled magic shoved them open with such force that nothing could have stopped it.
Sapphire Pageturn sat behind the front desk, her eyes wide. "H-Hello?" She cleared her throat. "May I help you?"
Crystal's cheeks were hot with tears, and the hitch in her voice only made her feel worse. "I need—I need information. About the Gryphon Kingdom."
Sapphire looked at her with clear concern showing in her knitted brow. "Oh." Her gaze shifted to the newspaper clutched in light pink magic, then lowered to the same one on the desk before her. Slowly, she nodded. "I understand. Please, come with me."
The war hadn't started yet and already it had sunk its teeth into her life and the ones around her. Sapphire, normally overeager to share knowledge to an almost extreme level, was quiet and somber as she led Crystal through the library. The air was heavy with near total silence, the only noise keeping it from being perfect their hoofsteps and Crystal's sniffles.
"Here you are," Sapphire said, gesturing at a collection of books. "These rows contain all the books we have on the Gryphon Kingdom, past and present." She glanced at Crystal. "Is there anything I can help with?"
Crystal remained still for a moment, then tried to smile. "Do you have any tea?"
"Tea?" Sapphire's lips twitched upward and she shook her head. "Normally, we don't allow food or drinks in the library."
"Oh, right, of cour—"
"But," Sapphire interrupted, "I think certain situations call for certain allowances. So long as you don't spill it on anything."
Crystal's smile grew more sincere and, without thinking, she embraced Sapphire. The mare tensed from the physical contact, then relaxed and returned the gesture.
"Thank you," Crystal whispered.
Sapphire pulled back and nodded. "Trying times are ahead of Equestria, but we'll endure. The princesses will make sure of that. I have faith in them."
Crystal just nodded. It was all she could do. What was there to say? She was still crying and not one bit of her had any faith in anything at that moment. She watched Sapphire disappear around a corner, then she sat down and slumped against the towering bookshelf beside her.
Her magic reached out to grab one of the books and brought it over. The History of the Gryphon Kingdoms. It seemed like as good of a place to start as any.
The information filtered in slowly, page by page. The Gryphon Kingdom was originally under the banner of a very powerful gryphon emperor who had no heirs and selected no successors. Upon his death, the four major duchies split from one another and declared themselves independent kingdoms.
Their culture seemed so different from the one to which she was accustomed. Small skirmishes at the borders of the kingdoms seemed frequent throughout their history. Competition was the driving force for them. Sudramoar had made several attempts to expand its territory to seize the resources of the continent.
Crystal lightly sipped the tea Sapphire had brought her and flipped ahead several pages. Useless. This information was useless! Her brow furrowed as she cursed herself. What was she going to do with a history lesson?
She paused when her eyes glanced over the word 'Equestria' and she started the section from the beginning. It was about the conflict from a couple decades back, when King Kronson of Sudramoar had requested aid from Equestria. Ponies were sent to protect civilians from the territorial battle between his gryphons and those of Austveger, the eastern kingdom, as they fought for control over resource-rich lands. Always with the resources.
A chill ran down her spine. She knew about this. This was where Silent's father, Stratus Knight, had been injured. Tears jumped to her eyes at the thought. Was this war where Silent would suffer a similar fate? He had said that Stratus never came back the same. Would she end up like his mother, Wallflower, after all?
The life of the wife of a soldier. Wallflower had explained that concept to her when they met, and she did her best to hold onto those words. Crying would do no good. She raised a hoof and wiped away the tears, then went back to reading.
She just had to find something in one of these books that would help. What? She didn't know. She knew nothing. She just wanted to know something. Anything. Whatever it took to make the fear dull, even just a little.
♡
Crystal jolted awake at the sound of somepony turning the front door's lock. After hours of fruitless research at the library, she had given up and came home to wait for Silent. She must have fallen asleep at the dining room table, where she had been reading the article about the war declaration over and over.
The door opened and Silent stepped inside, freezing when their eyes met. His gaze flicked briefly to the newspaper, and he knew. They both knew.
"Welcome home," she said into the silence, but the words were hollow. She wasn't the one that needed to speak.
Silent bobbed his head in a light nod and removed his helmet. "Thank you." He set the helmet by the door, glanced at her, then started toward the bedroom.
Her gaze followed him a moment. Was he stalling? She slipped out of the chair to walk behind him. "How was your trip?"
"The trip was fine." Short responses. She didn't like it when he gave her short responses; it never meant anything good. "The reason for it was awful."
That was an understatement. "I can imagine," she replied cautiously, eyeing him as he pulled a box out of the closet. The box he'd been avoiding. "What are you doing?"
He didn't look at her. "Unpacking, like you asked."
She opened her mouth to respond, but he pulled back the lid of the box and sighed. Her mouth snapped shut when she saw the contents. A helmet, a cloak, and a sword.
Tears jumped forth and she swallowed to keep them at bay as he took out each item and examined them. He was going to war.
"Silent Knight," she whispered, her voice trembling with the rest of her as she stepped toward him. Maybe he was going to donate them to the cause rather than volunteer himself. Maybe... "Why are you unpacking that now?"
After a pause, his head lowered and angled away from her. "Because disharmony has consequences."
Her brow furrowed. "What?"
He heaved a sigh and put a hoof on the box. "When we do the wrong thing, there are consequences. It was something Luna said to me once." His wings pressed in close to his sides. "I have done the wrong thing, so now I need to do the right thing. I'm not sure what that is, but... I have a guess."
She watched as he picked up the helmet that had been inside the box. It was an older style that didn't have the crest built in, but instead allowed the wearer's mane through the top. Her heart sank, but she fought to hold onto that glimmer of hope.
"I see," she said in a soft voice. "I'm sure you'll figure it out." She reached out to put a hoof on his, but thought better of it and withdrew. It was time to press the topic head-on. "The papers say the Guard is looking for thirty thousand royal guards to volunteer."
He nodded. "They are, to protect Nordanver's cities. Not to fight their battle. The Army likely won't fight much, either. The princesses want a show of force to discourage King Kronson and end the war without combat."
The papers hadn't said that much. It brought her some small relief to hear, actually. "Oh. Well, that makes sense." She shifted from one hoof to the other. "So, then—"
"Russet is going." He drew his hoof over the edge of the helmet, never taking his eyes off it. Never shifting his gaze to her. "He volunteered right away."
She knew where this was going, and she felt a strange numbness in her limbs as a result. "I see."
"It might be bad, though." His hoof dropped down to the floor. "You can never tell upfront. Last time, there weren't supposed to be any casualties, either. Look how that turned out. Ponies died over there while things were quiet here." His ears folded back and he finally glanced at her. Uncertainty was in his eyes. "Perhaps it will be exactly like that again. It really doesn't seem fair."
She shook her head just slightly, maintaining eye contact with him. "No, I suppose it's not."
They stood in silence for a while. Silent stared down at his father's belongings. The feathers on his wings started to shake, as did his right forehoof. "Crystal... honey."
Her chin followed his example and trembled. At first, no sound came out when she opened her mouth. She finally forced out a quiet, "Yes?"
"I—" He swallowed. "I'm sorry. I think I should volunteer." He closed his eyes. "I don't want to. I really don't... but I think I should."
There it was. She knew it was coming, but it still hit her in the chest with a dreadful force. Her body went numb at first, then her blood ran cold. "No." She held her ground even though she wanted to run. Or to hit him. Or to do anything but just stand there, frozen. "Silent Knight, no!"
His tail twitched and drooped. "I don't want to go, but I'm not sure I could look myself in the mirror if I didn't. Do I really have a choice if I feel that way?"
"You do!" Tears blurred her vision. "You have every choice! You're a security chief. That's important! Let the Army go. Let the other royal guards. Let those ponies go. Stay here and protect the governor." A small sob choked her voice as she pleaded, "Stay here with me!"
After a pause—just long enough for her to believe he was thinking about it—he shook his head and looked at her. He winced at the sight of pain showing on her face. "I don't know that I can do that. Not after what happened. There is more to it than you know."
"How can you say that?" Anger overshadowed the rest of her feelings and flared in her chest like a thorny bloom. "What about me? What about us?! It isn't just about you anymore, you know!"
He flinched, closed his eyes, and turned his head away. He said in a low voice, "There is no way I can live with myself or be a good husband to you if I stay here while other ponies go to war in my stead."
"It doesn't have anything to do with you!" The tears falling down her cheeks were hot. "You have a duty to Cadence. You have a duty to me!"
A light sigh escaped him. "Unfortunately, it does. It has a lot to do with me. I know my duty, Crystal, but all of this is partially my doing. I facilitated this."
"What?" She rolled her eyes and stomped one hoof. "Don't be so dramatic! That's the guilt talking. You've got it up there in that stupid head of yours that you have to go everywhere soldiers go and die like them. There is more to life than that, Silent! I promise you'll be fine if you don't die on some battlefield!"
"Do you think I don't know that now?" he snapped, his head jerking to the side to glare at her. "Do you really believe I don't want to just stay here with you? You'd be right about the old me, but there is something you don't know. It changes everything!"
She glared back at him. "What does? What don't I know?!"
The muscles along his jawline tightened as he set his jaw. His wings were clasped tight to his sides and his ears were pinned back. Sucking in a breath and releasing it through his nose, he closed his eyes again. "This whole thing started over the death of the King Kronson's grandson."
Irritation joined in with the rest of her swirling emotions. "Yes, I know all that! The Nordanver gryphons assassinated or imprisoned him or whatever it was they did to him. And now they're under attack because of it and want us to bail them out."
He opened his eyes and looked at her. He was calm. Almost resigned, like a pony who had nothing left to lose. "No, they didn't."
"Yes, they did! That's what I read in the papers. It was something like that." She tried to understand the look on his face, but it only muddled her feelings all the more. "I can't think straight and it doesn't matter anyway!"
"It does matter, because it's all lies! Lies told by Sudramoar's king that couldn't be disproved by the princesses so that they could protect a stupid pony." He turned away, blocking his face entirely from her view. His voice was quiet and even as he continued, "That gryphon had another name: Alastair."
Her breath caught in her throat and her eyes went wide. Alastair. The gryphon captain that had nearly killed him in Nordanver? A trembling hoof rose to clasp over her mouth as the first piece fell into place.
"Crystal... The moment I got well, I started hunting him down. I fell in with some other ponies that wanted him dead. We called in every favor, used every trick, and hounded him."
More pieces lit up and she started to shake. "Silent Knight..." She already knew the answer. She didn't want to believe it. She couldn't comprehend it. But she knew. "What are you saying?"
"There was nowhere for him to hide over there. We made sure of that. So he and his soldiers came here to avoid prosecution. They thought no one would look for them in Equestria. He fell right into our trap. When the time was right, I set up an ambush."
No.
"Remember when I missed your birthday?"
No, no, no.
"In the middle of the night, we attacked them. We slaughtered them all. I killed him myself and several others. I have a huge part in this, Crystal. I know it is all a ruse to start a war, but I gave it to them. I played right into their claws."
Crystal just stared at him. There was no more trembling, no more tears. How was she supposed to feel? Silent, her husband, her love had killed someone. It was an awful thought. She couldn't fathom the concept of death and slaughter.
And yet, what had Alastair done to deserve her sympathy? He had tried to kill Silent and nearly done so. He had killed several guards. Guards whose deaths still haunted Silent.
"Right or wrong," Silent continued, giving up on a response, "retribution doesn't come without consequence. It is time to go pay what is owed. I'm sorry, Crystal. I really am. If I could do it again, I'd do it differently. Not because I don't believe he was a threat, but because I realize now what I'm doing to you. What I've done to you.
"It hasn't been fair even if you thought you knew what you were getting into. You're a better wife than I deserve, so if you're not here when I get back, I'll understand."
Crystal watched in shock as he collected his father's belongings. "How dare you," she whispered, but he didn't seem to hear her. Instead, he walked past her to go to the front door. The fire reignited within her and as he pulled the door open, her magic thrust outward and slammed it shut. "You are not dismissed," she said through clenched teeth, walking toward him. "You'll 'understand' if I'm gone?" She tossed her mane over her shoulder. "Don't you dare walk away from me, Silent Knight."
Silent ducked his head, but he was stallion enough to turn around and face her. "I have to go."
She rolled her eyes. "Oh, I'm certain the war can wait another hour. I am not done yet. Not by a long shot." She gestured at him with one hoof in a circular motion. "I don't get it. This whole killing business is unnatural, but I guess I just have to accept it is part of who you are."
His ears folded back. "I don't like killing..."
"Fine." She snorted. "But it is still your business. And this is mine." She stormed the remaining distance between them, lifted a hoof to his chin, and forced his head up. "Every day you're gone, I'm going to be sitting here, waiting and worrying. Every day, I'm going to live in fear that I'll get a letter saying you died because you couldn't live with the idea of somepony dying for you."
She withdrew her hoof and spat, "Go to your stupid war, but just know that I won't be gone. I won't walk away. I'll be right here, Silent Knight. I'll be right here waiting. Waiting on you. So every day, you get to live with that."
He met her gaze briefly, a great shame clouding his expression, and he whispered, "All right."
"All right," she repeated. Suddenly, she felt exhausted. The fire burned out and she wanted to cry again as she wrapped her forelegs around his neck. "Come home safe... please. I nearly lost you to this once. Don't do that to me again."
His own walls seemed to fall as he dropped onto his haunches and embraced her, holding her tight to him. "I won't make a promise I don't know that I can keep, but I'll be careful. So careful. I'm not going for some glorious death. I want to be with you, but this is something I have to do. It is my penance. That might not be something you can understand, and I'm sorry."
He buried his face into her mane and murmured, "I love you, Crystal. I'm sorry that this is my job and who I am... but it is who I am."
"I know." She buried her face against his neck as the tears returned in full force, falling from her cheeks and onto his coat. "I've always known. I'll just have to hope that you find a way through it." Her head lifted and she kissed his jawline. "I love you, too."
They remained in each other's embrace for a while, Silent's grip remaining strong, Crystal's tears slowing down. She wasn't ready, but he finally started to pull away to look down at her. The pain she felt was reflected in his eyes. "Until next time, Mrs. Wishes."
She gazed at him and tried to smile, but it fell short. "Until next time, Mr. Knight."
He nodded, turned away, and disappeared as the door shut behind him. She stood there a while longer in the suffocating silence, staring at it. Hoping it would open again. Hoping he would change his mind, come back to her side, and promise to never leave. It could happen; there was still time.
It didn't, but it could have.