//------------------------------//
// Prompt 13: Little Orphan Tiara - Mudpony 
// Story: The Diamond Cutter Anthology 
// by DiamondPrime 
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The pink-coated mare pursed her lips as she looked into the mirror.  Reaching up, she made one last adjustment to her mane, making sure that the white stripes lay perfectly among the rest of her purple mane.  Satisfied at last, she smoothed her dress.  It was a peculiarity about her, that she always wore a dress.  Nopony in Ponyville could recall ever having seen her without one.  And always they were long dresses, coming close to sweeping the ground as she walked.

She turned and exited her room.  At the top of the stairs, she stopped and looked around.  She was going to miss the old place.  It wasn't the fanciest place in town.  Many would call it rundown, really.  The stairs, for example, had several roughly hewn boards, replacements for the originals.  But it had been her home for over a decade.  It was part of her.  But that was coming to an end.

The city had finally decided to cut support for the orphanage entirely, after years of budget cuts.  The large, old building just cost too much to maintain.  Today was the last chance for the foals in the care of the Stepping Stones Home for Orphans to find a family before the doors were shut for good.  Tomorrow, she'd escort any remaining charges to the province's Children's Garden Orphanage.  Provided there were any left, of course.  With luck, there wouldn't be.

She had visited the other orphanage twice and had not been impressed in the slightest.  Cramped, damp conditions that must be terribly cold in winter.  A general lack of games and toys for the children.  The play area was far too small and bare earth, rather than soft grass.  Furthermore, no space was set aside for any earth pony orphan, or others, if they so desired, to garden in.

She really hoped that all her charges would be adopted before the end of the day, like so many of the former residents of the home had been.

Strangely enough, the ease of finding suitable homes for her charges had been part of the problem.  The ponies of Ponyville were a generous lot, quick to lend a helping hoof.  Thanks to that, the orphanage had one of the highest placement rates in all of Equestria.  But that also meant that the building was far larger than needed, with many of its rooms sitting empty.  A new, smaller building wasn't in the town budget, not with all the other things the growing town needed, and neither was renovating the existing building, to fix its myriad of issues..

And so Mayor Mare had at last made the decision to close the orphanage.  She'd fought it as long as she could, for she herself had once resided within its walls, but ultimately, she'd had to bow to the inevitable.  But before the doors closed for good, the caretaker was going to place as many of her charges with the good ponies of Ponyville as she could.

Looking down upon her charges, Care Taker, for that was her name, as well as her occupation, couldn't help but smile.  They were a precious bunch, each with their own quirks, and they deserved to grow up with a family who loved them.  Of course, with so many young ponies together in one place, they were also frequently a hooffull, prone to bickering and roughhousing when they should be on their best behavior.  Like they were doing right now.

She looked over to the corner.  There, the old pony everyone just called Granny sat in her rocking chair.  She was here most days, sitting in her rocking chair.  Often, she would tell the foals stories about when she was young.  But just as often, she'd be asleep in her chair, like she was now despite the noise.

She shook her head slightly in amusement and stepped down the stairs.  Once at the bottom, she rapped her hoof loudly against the wooden floor, it's planks smooth with the wear of years of little hooves.  Silence fell over the room, as she captured the attention of all the foals.

"Children, you know you need to look your best today.  No roughhousing, okay?"

"But this might be our last chance to play together," protested one of the fillies, a pegasus with an orangish coat and a dark pink mane.

"She started it," another filly pointed out, earning a glare from the pegasus.

"I did not ask who started it," Care Taker said.  "Frankly, it doesn't matter.  What does is that you look your best possible.  You want to find a family, no?"

The pink filly thought it over for a second before answering with a flip of her two-tone mane.  "Only if they're good enough.  My family will be pretty, rich, and powerful, and buy me all the best toys.  And lots of ice cream."

Care Taker sighed.  This particular filly had been a bit of a… pain.  Most of the time a visit from prospective parents involved them trying to decide which foal would best fit their family.  And the foals themselves did their best to be that foal, eager to find a family of their own.  With Diamond Tiara though, things were almost reversed, with the filly thoroughly grilling the visitors, before inevitably declaring them unfit.  A shame really, Care Taker thought.  If not for her attitude, families would line up around the block for the chance to adopt her, as cute as she was.

Care Taker had tried to bring the filly around.  First, she'd explained that love mattered more than the tax bracket, because one couldn't buy happiness.  Diamond Tiara had responded that she would just rent it then instead.  Next, she'd tried to explain that a bird in the hoof was better than two in the bush.  Surely the filly would see that a nice middle class family would beat living in the orphanage.  Diamond Tiara, however, had not been keen on the idea of living in a smaller house.  Other attempts had been similarly shot down.  At last, Care Taker had decided to just take a waiting approaching, for surely time would lower the filly's high standards.  But so far, it hadn't.

She made up her mind to try again, today, since it was the last day and all.  But not just this second.  She didn't have the time.  The open house would start in just five minutes.  Quickly, she worked her way through her charges, making adjustments to their manes and the occasional bit of clothing, as well as offering a quick bit of advice to several.  She finished just as the bell chimed the hour.

"Okay, children, I'm going to bring the ponies interested in adopting in one couple at a time.  So please form a single line in the middle of the room, facing the door."

She waited while they followed her orders, taking enjoyment from their hopeful chatting.  Lining the children up like commodities to be purchased wasn't her usual way of dealing with adoptions.  Normally, she'd provide a book with pictures of each foal, as well as some general info, and then arrange interviews with the foals that interested the couple.  But today wasn't normal, and so the line.

She gave an encouraging smile at the foals, and opened the door.  Her eyes widened at the line of ponies outside.  The turnout was higher than she had expected.  With this many, she'd be sure to place every foal.  She glanced back over her shoulder at her charges, noting that Diamond Tiara had managed to sneak over to the dress up closet, procure her favorite gaudy toy necklace, don it, and return in the brief amount of time her back had been turned.  Well, almost every foal.





Time passed, and couples came and went.

"We were hoping to adopt a pegasus."

"Too short."

"My husband and I have always wanted a little girl."

"They're farmers.  No way I'm ruining my hooves.  Next."

"How'd you like to be a chimney sweep?  Oh.  Well, how about a candy maker then?"

From talking with the couples, Care Taker learned that Mayor Mare had been the primary force responsible for the turn out.  She'd held a town meeting and made a personal appeal to keep the Ponyville orphans in Ponyville.

"We've always wanted a pony with a white coat.  It'd provide just enough contrast, but not too much."

"We are a perfectly normal pony couple and not something else looking for the one with the most tasty love to give."

"Diamond Tiara, you can't just reject every pony that comes in the door."

"My wife can't have foals, but we've always wanted a little unicorn of our own."

"A bakery?  Like, no thanks.  No way I'm getting up that early to make the donuts.  Plus I'd totally get fat and that's just gross."

Care Taker felt the ends of her sanity start to fray, as couple after couple came in.  It had always seemed to her that Ponyville had more than its share of crazy ponies.  Today, they had apparently all decided to adopt a foal.  Still, they weren't officially insane, and really, who was perfectly sane?  So the adoption process went on.

"I don't suppose I can borrow one of each species so I can test the aerodynamic properties by dropping them off a tall building?  I promise to use nets."

"Which ones have the fluffiest coats?"

"You know, Diamond, maybe if you gave them a chance…"

"Oh, I'm just here to count how many 'Yay, you've been adopted' parties I need to throw."

"He smells like jelly.  Next."

 At last, most of the foals had found a home.  Just three remained.   Looking them over, she frowned slightly.  Unsurprisingly, the first was Diamond Tiara.  And equally unsurprisingly, the second was the orange-coated pegasus.  Her wings were too small, meaning she couldn't fly, and that had led to her being passed over several times.  The last though was a bit of a shock.  The pale purple-coated unicorn, with her blonde mane was one that Care Taker had expected to be among the first adopted.  She was polite and cute as a button.  She thought over all the other foals that had already been adopted, and couldn't help chuckling.  Had any of them been left, she'd have been equally surprised.

Turning to the door, she looked over the next couple.  A pair of earth ponies, and dressed in what was probably their finest clothing.  From the look of it, a solid middle class family.  And the way they leaned against each other, they would no doubt provide a loving a home.  They had even brought along a gift to provide a quick start to the bonding process.  Stepping aside, she gestured for them to enter.

The mare gasped as she entered, pointing to Diamond Tiara.  "She's adorable!"

"She sure is," the stallion said.  "And she's an earth pony, just like we wanted."

"I can't believe nopony else snatched her up and raced her home to cuddle her," the mare practically squealed with glee.

Diamond Tiara took a step forward, tilting her head as she examined the couple.  Quickly, she walked a circle around them, while they tracked her with their heads.  "Hmm… clothing is at least three years old.  The style of her dress is at least twenty years out of date.  Dog hair on his pants, and a bit of what I hope is drool as well.  Oversized gift… probably compensating for a lackluster home.  I'll pass."  And with that, she returned to her place in line.

"Okay, now I believe it."

"How about that one?" the stallion suggested, pointing at the pegasus.  "She's practically an earth pony."

"Hey!" the pegasus protested.

The mare looked at Diamond Tiara and then at the pegasus.  With a nod, she turned to Care Taker and said, "We'll take her."

The pegasus glared at them.  "What makes you think—" 

"We got you a gift," the stallion said, offering the sizeable box to the pegasus. 

"Okay!" the pegasus said, tearing into the box.  "O-M-C!  A scooter!"  In a flash, she'd hopped onto the scooter and was racing around the room.  The couple watched her go, their smiles growing with every second.

"Dang she's awesome.  I think we should call her Scootaloo, if that's all right, dear?"  The mare turned her attention away from the ecstatic filly long enough to nod, and the stallion turned to Care Taker.  "Provided that's allowed, of course."

It was, and the couple filled out the necessary paperwork.  And then there were two.

When Care Taker opened the door, and three ponies entered, arguing loudly about who had gotten their first.  One side of the argument, a couple consisting of an earth pony mare and a unicorn stallion, insisted they were first because they were on the ground in front of the door, while the other, a grey pegasus, insisted that perching on a cloud above the door counted just as much.

Care Taker cleared her throat loudly, and a second time when the first didn't get her the ponies' attention.  "I'm Care Taker and I run this facility.  For another day, anyway."

"We'll take that one," the earth pony mare said, leaning to the side and pointing to Diamond Tiara.

Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes.  "Does it look like I want to be a farmer?  I don't think so."  Seeing the mare's confusion, the filly explained.  "Your hooves.  They're all chipped and cracked in a way that screams 'I spend more time crawling around in muck than a pig'.  And him… he works at the post office or something?  Look at that ink on his hooves.  So yeah, not happening."

"I'll have you know I am Written Script, the writer," the stallion protested.

"Oh, great, a starving artist."  Diamond Tiara did her best to look sarcastically impressed.  "That's so much better."

"Ha!" the pegasus declared.  "Victory is mine!"

"Not with those eyes it isn't," Diamond Tiara decreed.  "Kids would totally pick on me if I had a mom like that."

"Diamond Tiara!" Care Taker shouted.  "Apologize at once!"

Diamond Tiara looked down at the floor, idly kicking at it with one hoof.  "I'm sorry your eyes are all freaky-like, okay?"

"I like her eyes," the unicorn filly said softly. 

"Dibs!" all three ponies called out, and then the argument over who had arrived first resumed, louder than ever.

After several minutes without any sign of either side backing down, Care Taker reared up and slammed both her hooves down so hard the floor cracked.  Glaring at the three ponies, she snarled, "Seriously?  Should I just cut her in half so you can share her?  Or are you going to start acting like, oh, ponies responsible enough to be parents and figure something out in a polite manner?"

"What, should we just—" the mare started.
 
"Actually, she might have something there, Goldie," Written Script said, interrupting his wife.  "With all my trips to Canterlot, and how busy you've been with breeding new varieties of carrots, maybe sharing is the way to go.  I mean, if… what's your name, anyway?"

"Derpy."

"Right.  If Derpy is up for it."

Derpy settled down on the ground and raised her hoof to her chin in thought.  "Well, I'll admit I'm not really sure if I can be a full time single mom…  But I have always so wanted a foal, so when the mayor asked…"

Care Taker, Written Script, Dinky, and the filly all waited on the golden mare's response.  The mare turned to the filly and asked, "Would you like that, little one?"

"Two families… that sounds awesome."

"Then we'll do it," Golden Harvest said.

The little unicorn bounced up and down excitedly.  "Yay, I got two sets of parents!  I'm the luckiest filly ever!"

"More like one and a half," Diamond Tiara corrected.

"Yay, I got one and a half sets of parents!  I'm the luckiest filly ever!"

"Well, I'm glad that's settled.  I'll just go draw up the paperwork."  Care Taker took a step toward her desk, then froze, her eyes shooting wide open.  "Do we even have paper work for this?"





It turned out that they did.  It had taken a bit of searching, but she eventually found it amongst forms for adopting dragons, being adopted by dragons, adopting the elderly, and having a rabbit become your legal guardian.  Why anyone would ever want a rabbit to be their legal guardian, she did not know, but apparently at some point somepony had, and there was now a form for it.

With the happy couple and a half out the door, she let the next, and final, pair in.

"Howdy," the mare said, tipping her hat.  "Mah brother and Ah are looking to adopt a sister for our sister.  Somepony about her age."

"Eyup."   That came from the biggest stallion Care Taker had ever laid her eyes on.

"Enope."  That came, of course, from Diamond Tiara.  "They smell like apples.  He's got twigs in his mane.  And look at the state of their hooves.  And, seriously, is he chewing on a piece of straw?"

Care Taker brought her head in close to Diamond Tiara and whispered.  "Um, Diamond… This is it.  If you aren't adopted here, it's off to another orphanage, and I don't think you'll find it nearly as pleasant."

"You could just take me to Canterlot," Diamond Tiara said, not bothering to keep her voice down at all.  "I bet Princess Celestia would take one look at me and adopt me on the spot."  Turning back to the siblings, Diamond Tiara repeated herself.  "Sorry, apple kickers, you lose.  Good-bye."

"But Ah think you'd really like our sister.  She's very nice and just dying to have someone her own age to play with while we're out in the fields."

Diamond Tiara held her head up and high and shook it back and forth vigorously.  "I got standards.  Like not saying 'ah' at any place other than the dentist's."

The sister took a step toward the filly.  "Why you little…"

"How about that one?" the brother asked, pointing toward Granny, still asleep in her rocking chair.

The sister took her hat off, brushing her hoof along the inside.  "Well, Ah suppose Apple Bloom would be happy with a grandmother, and given the slim pickings…  We'll take 'er!"

"You can't just—"

"It's probably better than a nursing home," Diamond Tiara said.  "What?  I mean, yes, I'm sure your farm is…"  She paused to search for the word.  "...Rusty and all.  But a nursing home is full of old ponies.  They smell, you know."

"Eyup," the stallion said, walking over to the desk.  He rifled through the papers, pulled out one form, and brought it over to his sister.

"Look, I just can't let you adopt Granny.  It's not legal."

"Then why's there a paper right here for adopting the elderly?" the mare said, waving the paper in the air.  "And there's no way her parents can still be alive, so I bet she's an orphan as well.  Are you discrimin-hatin' against us?  Do I have to get my cousin Apple Advocate over here?"

Care Taker pulled on her mane in frustration.  "Okay, fine!  I'll let you adopt her."

And so the paperwork was filled out, and the oldest orphan in the building was unceremoniously placed upon the back of the stallion, rocking chair and all, with only a single "What in tarnation is going on here?" before the soft snoring resumed.

As the door closed behind the siblings, Care Taker said, "Well, I guess that was that.  Now…"  She turned to face Diamond Tiara.  "What are we going to do with you?"

"Take me to Canterlot to meet the princess?"

"I'm really not fond of the idea of sending any pony of mine to Children's Garden Orphanage."  She ponder the possibilities for a minute, while Diamond Tiara filed one the edge of a hoof.  "I suppose I could adopt you."

"Not gonna happen," Diamond Tiara said, her speech slightly garbled from the file in her mouth.  "Look at us.  Similar coat colors.  Stripes in our manes.  We look far too much alike.  Anypony seeing us together would immediately we're not related."  She transferred her file to her hoof.  "Not that I'd be, like, ashamed of being adopted.  But it just shouldn't be so obvious, you know?"

Care Taker sighed.

"And what's up with always wearing those long dresses?  Are you, like, a blank flank under there?  'Cause, if so, that's even more embarrassing than that mare with the crazy eyes.  I'm going to be the first filly in my class to get her cutie mark, you just wait and see, and I can't have my mom not have one."

Care Taker's eyes widened as she tugged the edges of her dress down, then took a second to smooth the fabric covering her flanks.  She clenched her teeth together and shook her hoof at Diamond Tiara, wordlessly.

Diamond Tiara shrugged apologetically before heading up the stairs.  At the top, she called down, "Also, you'll, like, totally be unemployed tomorrow."

Care Taker felt more of her sanity slipping away.  She opened her mouth, ready to unleash upon the filly the full burden of her impending reality, but before she could get a word out, the door opened, revealing an earth pony couple.  The stallion held the door while his wife entered, and then entered himself.

"I'm just saying that we wouldn't have been so late if you hadn't insisted on arguing with the taxi driver," the mare said.  "It was only two bits after all.

"It's the principle of the thing," the stallion said, straightening his tie.  "The fare was wrong and I wasn't going to pay more than I should have."

The mare rolled her eyes.  "And yet you tipped him twenty bits."

"Well, he did make good time.  Hard work deserves a proper reward.  And besides, we spent far more time in the shoe store than I did discussing the fare."

The mare laughed, a more joyous laugh than Care Taker would have expected from her, based on her appearance.  "Touché.  But Clippity did just get in the latest fashions from Manehattan, and it wouldn't do at all for somepony else to get first choice.  Not at all."

The stallion nodded.  "Indeed.  But alas, it has made us rather late here.  Perhaps we should have sent Randolf."

"Something like this we've got to do for ourselves, dear."  The mare turned her attention to Care Taker.  "Don't you agree?"  She didn't wait for an answer.  "Of course you do.  You can't expect a butler to be able to judge his betters or even his betters-to-be.  No, we had to come ourselves."

"Well, I just hope there's still a child worthy of us left.  We could really use the tax break."

"Tax break?" Care Taker and Diamond Tiara uttered in unison.  Though whereas Care Taker said it with trepidation, Diamond Tiara said it with enthusiasm.

"Well, yes," the stallion replied.  "If we adopt one today, we can still claim her on this year's tax return, right?"

It took Care Taker several seconds before she could respond.  "Well, yes, but I hardly think that—"

"Excellent.  Then let's see what you've got."

"Preferably something in a filly.  Something dainty, but not sickly.  No lisps or anything.  We do need to be able to show her off when we have guests over.  Do you have anything like that?"

 "Now look here," Care Taker declared.  "You're talking about adopting a child.  Not a tax break.  Not some prized exhibit to parade around for all your friends.  A living, breathing being that will look upon you for all her needs."

"Oh, I assure you she will be well cared for," the stallion said.  "She won't want for a thing in the world."

"Or else the help will be most severely scolded," the mare added.  "I won't abide help that doesn't properly help."

"Now, we understand that due to our late arrival, your in-store stock might be somewhat depleted, but if you've got a catalogue or some floor models to look at…"

"We can get down the business of making our choice."

Care Taker stamped her hoof down, before rising several feet into the air, steam practically shooting out of her ears.  Landing with a solid thump, she pointed a hoof at the couple.  "Now listen here, there's no way I'm letting the two of you adopt any of my wards.  Even if they hadn't all been adopted."

"I'll be!" the mare exclaimed.

"Ahem…  Not all," came from the top of the stairs.  All attention swung to Diamond Tiara, who gracefully glided down the stairs.  On the last step, she hopped forward, twirling in the air before landing into a curtsy.

"She's adorable!  And so elegant," the mare said.  "I can't wait to see the look on Silver Lining's face when she sees her.  That'll put a stop to all her bragging about her daughter.  You know she brings her up at every opportunity just to try and one-up us."

"And such a commanding presence and confidence.  I bet she could boss around a dozen employees at once with ease."  The stallion faced his wife.  "I'm so glad you were so averse to stretch marks.  I doubt even we could do better than this precious filly even if we had a dozen foals."

Diamond Tiara's smile threatened to blind everyone in the room.  Reaching a hoof up, she pulled Care Taker's head down toward her and softly whispered in her ear, "Miss Taker, remember when you said I should lower my standards?  That I should settle for some farmer, waiter, or that lady who dyes her hair grey?  That otherwise I'd wind up with nopony, ever?"

Care Taker nodded.

"Well, in your face!" the filly yelled.  "I'll take 'em.  They're perfect!"

"That settles it then," the mare said.

Care Taker felt something snap in her mind.  Her eyes started to spin.  She felt her flanks heat up as her sanity cracked.  She giggled, then snorted, then giggled again.  With one last giggle, she tipped over and fell on her side, causing her dress to slide up, revealing her ball and screw cutie mark.

The stallion jingled his coin purse above the head of the fallen pony.  "So, how much is she, anyway?"