//------------------------------// // 30 - Date?: Muffet // Story: Underworld Frisk // by Darkonshadows //------------------------------// “So like, are you going to have some fun with us again Alphys?” It had been a few minutes since Bratty got a hold of Pinkie’s phone and she practically seemed to try and talk her old friend’s ears off, provided she even had them in the first place. “You don’t care that I caused so much trouble for all those families?” Alphys had told Bratty everything, but she didn’t seem upset at all by what Alphys had done to those monsters. “It’s like, okay and everything. You did what you could with what you had Alphys, I just want us to be able to hang out again.” Bratty looked over to her best friend in the whole world. “Like Catty really misses you too, those monsters are still alive even if they came together a little too much. Goodness knows, I can’t be with Catty like twenty four seven in that way. Going to the bathroom like that would be so awkward.” “You don’t even know the half of it; we’ll get together soon after I’m done informing all the families of those monsters.” Alphys was happy that at least Bratty understood, she had missed those two as well and maybe things wouldn’t be so bad if she had all her friends back in her life like Bratty and possibly Catty. “Speaking of which, one of them is in the hotel right now, give the phone back to Pinkie as I have a mission for her.” “Like that sounds totally awesome, oh can you get us some phones too? We want to stay in touch with you. Here you go Pinkie, like the phones all yours again and thanks for letting me use it and junk.” Bratty really liked Pinkie; she had a stubborn inborn smell like an alligator or a crocodile that spoke to her. “You’re welcome, okay Alphys what’s up? Am I going on some super secret spy mission where you’ll create all kinds of crazy gadgets for me to use that seem useless, but will be useful when I run into a situation those gadgets weren’t meant for?” Pinkie had felt a returned skip in her step as she made her way towards the front of the hotel having reunited some old friends. “Don’t worry I’ll use your gadgets carefully!” “Wait … what? No, I just want you to find a monster for me. He should be in the fancy dining part of the hotel.” Alphys was confused by Pinkie’s words for a moment and then she shook her head slightly exasperated. “He should be easy to spot; I think he’s the only Snow Drake there.” “Okay, I’ll need to get on my fancy red dress then, I’ll also need a partner to get me in the door. Since the hotel isn’t wheel chair accessible for Toriel, I guess I’ll need I’ll need agent Mad’s help. I think Bratty and Catty can work as spotters, hopefully they can get into the establishment with us.” Now Pinkie was moving into full silly mode and there was no stopping that train from going full blast. “Can you get us reservations for at least five or six at this fancy dining establishment Alphys? Then we’ll sneak in and start casing the joint for your contact. I’ll also be looking for information on where Mettaton got off to and we’ll also crack the safe while we’re at it.” “Well, yes I can get you reservations. There’s really no need to overcomplicate this or make a horribly convoluted plan like that!” In the background behind Alphys was the goat lady Toriel sighing sadly at the doctor, she obviously didn’t know Pinkie Pie too well. “Guess what Alphys told me? We’re going to perform the most overly complicated and convoluted plan ever! So do you two want to help?” Both the monsters Pinkie addressed gave a shout of confidence that they wanted in on her zany scheme that had no sense of reality to it. “Guess it’s decided then, go find something nice to wear and Alphys will call to tell me what time we’re expected in the fancy dining area. We’ll start operation bittersweet after we get together so I can tell you what the whole plan entails. Also don’t bring anyone else to the briefing; it never turns out well in spy thrillers when that happens. So see you all before and at dinner!” With that Pinkie close her phone and was off to get dressed with a highly amused Miss Muffet following behind her, while Catty and Bratty moved off to do their own thing and pick out some dresses for dinner. It wasn’t often the two garbage scroungers got into a fancy establishment. - “What just happened?” Alphys said with a lost look on her face, she shook her head and started typing out stuff on her keyboard and would start preparations for operation bittersweet, whatever the heck that was. “Pinkie Pie just happened, just go with it.” Toriel smiled fondly, Pinkie was hiding the fact that she was still upset about her shovel being broken. So it figures the pony was going to do something silly to cheer herself up. If the plan was to get outrageously ridiculous only to end up making everyone happy in the end, then Toriel was personally okay with it as Pinkie did ridiculous really well. Just so long as Pinkie stayed safe in her endeavors, then Toriel wouldn’t have much to worry about. The hotel seemed safe enough. Undyne sat by wondering where her help was, Pinkie was on the next floor up by virtue of going up the stairs to the Mettaton’s personal hotel. Those slackers were looking for a bruising if they didn’t get there soon to help her out. - “Why am I using the elevator to get dressed again darling?” As Muffet said this she took out a slinky black dress with a grey web pattern throughout the whole thing, she would change into it while Pinkie was busy changing outside the elevator. Ponies didn’t apparently have a sense of decency, not that it really meant much to Muffet or even really bothered her at all. “Because it would be awkward to go back to your hive to do this, plus nobody knows this elevator is working again. Besides I doubt anyone wants to actually see your fuzzy butt.” Pinkie wiggled her way into the red dress she wore on a prior date with Toriel, the one where she almost got shot by a guy named Flame Face. “I wonder who Catty and Bratty will bring to the dinner, if anyone at all.” “Look I can’t help it if spiders are naturally hairy downstairs, it’s how nature intended me to be and I don’t think the idea of waxing as being anywhere near the word pleasant my darling!” Muffet sounded rather defensive about her outrageously hairy butt. After a few more moments, she walked out wearing her dress made with six arms in mind and some purple stockings with black slipper, her hair was down and being brushed out by her middle two arms. She chuckled slightly. “So be a dear and tell me, does this make me look fat?” “No, it looks really good on you, did you make it yourself? I heard spiders were good at making silk, but dresses?” Pinkie saw Muffet look away and blush while bring up her to lower hands up to her chin looking highly embarrassed as she toed the ground with a slipper. “Well darling, I and the other spiders don’t just know how to make baked goods; we can also do clothing too. Not only is it very comfortable dear Pinkie, it’s practically stab, slash and rip proof! Plus it’s really easy to repair since I can make the specially treated spider silk all by myself.” Why Muffet would need a dress that was knife proof would need to be seen, some might say she was actually taking the Agent Mad thing seriously because Pinkie was. Muffet obviously liked Pinkie more than she liked her. She started smiling and closed all five of her eyes as she clasped her various hands together and leaned forward while giggling. “Also your dress is really nice too darling! It’s such a lovely shade of red.” “Yeah, I just hope my friend Rarity doesn’t kill me for using her fabric to make this dress in the first place.” Pinkie was never going to tell Rarity about it and her friend never had to find out. Besides if Rarity ever knew she could actually be elegant instead of party peppy happy all the time, then Rarity would actually expect it of her at all times. She preferred to be herself and it would be a drag to act like something she’s not. “Yes, I think they get it Airy!” “Who do you keep talking to?” Muffet tilted her head and looking at the air in interest. “I’m talking to the words in the air of course. Don’t worry about it as they have nothing but nice things to say about you.” Though Pinkie wouldn’t tell her that she was a little flattered that Muffet liked her, she didn’t exactly feel the same way. “Let’s go to dinner, but before that. Please take care of yourself Tori, you don’t need to watch out for me twenty four seven. Sure I might have almost died a few times… I really don’t know where I was actually going with that.” - “I will Pinkie.” Toriel’s stomach grumbled as she finally realized she was really hungry. She rubbed her hand over her robes at the loud grumbling not befitting a queen. “So… want to order pizza? Oh wait, who could possibly deliver it with the elevators down?” “I’m sure the New Home pizza guys will find a way eventually; I’m thinking of a slice myself and if we can give them trouble over the elevators being out, then we can probably get it for free. So we’ll need a big order.” Undyne’s plan was perfect for getting a free pie, speaking of pie. “Funny how you immediately jump to wanting pizza, thinking of a certain pie you want?” “Well yes, but my Pie is unavailable at the moment.” It made Toriel sad that she couldn’t snuggle her pony. “Pizza is kind of a poor substitute for snuggles to me, even so what kind of toppings should we get? I’m thinking fresh snails.” “There will be anchovies; it’s one of the few kinds of fish that we can actually get down here!” Undyne wasn’t about to budge on the anchovies and Alphys was being handed a phone by an amalgamate monster, they wanted some pizza too. - They all knew the plan or as much of one as Pinkie had when she briefed the girls on it, the one guy that got dragged into this had no idea what was going to occur. If things went well, then nobody would notice anything is wrong. The doors to the dining area of the hotel slammed open and five figures walked in. Two of the figures were Pinkie and Muffet who looked particularly serious as they strutted over to the big green monster behind the counter to the fine dining and entertainment area of the hotel. Behind them came the two girls with a strange bear like monster that looked like he was awkwardly stuffed into a tuxedo. He didn’t look happy to be dragged from his job as a fast food worker drone and especially not by Bratty and Catty. Speaking of the two friends forever, Bratty was wearing a nice yellow dress and had a red flower in her hair. Catty on the other hand was wearing a dress made from overalls; nobody was going to question where she got it from or how it fit her exact particular theme. “Stop squirming, like we want to make up for the trouble we’ve caused you Burger Mc. Pantsington. Is a free dinner like, really all that bad?” The figure Bratty called Burger stopped struggling against the duo and caved in to their demands to join them for dinner and quieted down, he still narrowed his eyes at the two as they came up to two more girls. “We’ll see, I just hope the food here is good. The food from my job isn’t exactly healthy or even safe to eat.” Burger crossed his arms and got a bit huffy while he waited for them to be seated. “I believe we have a reservation for everything. My name is Pie, Pinkie Pie and I’m assured we have a full table reserved that’s large enough to fit our group.” The suave accent was probably not doing it for anyone, so Pinkie should probably cut back on it. “Caw caw bwa-bwa-bwa-cluck!” “Pinkie… Tsunderplane isn’t even in position yet.” Agent Mad said as she looked to the air to see that Tsunderplane made it into the room without being spotted, not exactly hard to do for a small flying monster that could hover. “Oh right, sorry! Ahem, I am the president of cookies!” Pinkie smiled and waggled her eyebrows. “Like isn’t plan C supposed to come after plan B?” Bratty was just a bit confused about Pinkie giving them so many mixed signals. “Right, what was plan A two again?” Pinkie was confused about her own confusing spy codes. “Dee deedee, we’re a princess down!” Catty was actually doing her job and on the lookout for anything suspicious and saw nothing out of the ordinary. There were two monster kickboxing each other into a bloody pulp in the corner, a monster was lighting itself on fire to run around screaming in pain and he even sang the little teapot song too, there was even one monster proclaiming the end of times for all monster kind. It was just an average Saturday night and she didn’t see any trouble whatsoever. They were swiftly seated at the table and then their rather familiar waiter came five minutes later with an equally familiar monster dressed as a bellhop. “We saw you standing around over there, what took you so long to get to us?” Agent Mad didn’t like their waiter already and Pinkie was smiling for some strange reason. “I’m a waiter, so therefore I the greatly disguised papyrus who is Surypap had to make you wait!” The Obviously-Not-Papyrus Surypap said in a clearly Papyrus like manner. Then he had to exclaim in a clearly not-Papyrus way. “Nyeh heh heh!” “Dude, really?” Kid said in an annoyed tone. “I will be taking your drink orders and Papyrus will…” “That is the almost indistinguishable from Papyrus skeleton whose name is Surypap. One who wishes to be a great heroic spaghetti making figure to all, especially to his closest friends!” Super Serious Surypap the not-Papyrus said while fiddling with his fake Italian style mustache with a bony hand and an ever present cheerful not-Papyrus smile upon his face. Their orders were swiftly taken. Their drink orders would be correct. As for their meals… it was all spaghetti that was actually pretty good tasting, the tomato sauce was exquisite and the parmesan was fresh from the block of cheese. The dinner seemed to be entirely normal with small talk, there was absolutely nothing odd about the conversations they had even as the entertainment went up on the stage. “Hola amigos, we are el trio de le muerte, we are here to play music in the memory of our dead friend pedro!” The monster on stage was a short legged skeleton with three upper torsos’s, said three torso’s look odd especially the odd long skull shaped one. The conjoined skeletal trio started wailing. “Oh our dear Pedro, the band member we lost, you were so special to us!” “I’m standing right here, we were already skeletons and where else was I going to go when I died again?” A skeleton with a sombrero was standing off the side of the strange conjoined skeleton and looking particularly annoyed with the three torso brothers. He was wearing a poncho and wielding a trumpet. “Pedro, we miss you being in our band so much!” Another of the torso trio spoke, followed by the final one. “Why have you forsaken us Pedro, why can’t we find you? Are you really so far beyond us?” “Seriously mi amigos, I am right here behind you!” Now Pedro was looking rather indignant. He’d still play his music with them, but it was like he didn’t exist to them or something. Pinkie was giggling at the act and turned back to her enormous plate of spaghetti to start slurping up the noodles messily, nobody could tell if she was getting any of the sauce on her dress or not given its color. After she finished swallowing a mouthful of Papyrus Perfected noodle, she gained a shifty look in her eyes. “Hey look everyone it’s a one eyed flying purple pasta eater!” Everyone looked at who Pinkie pointed at; it was in fact a giant one eyed flying purple monster that just entered the room. “Yeah, so what about it? I like noodles and this new guy makes really good spaghetti… it even seems like it’s the only thing he can make. I really want to try his chocolate pasta surprise again.” The monster was seated and Kid did his round of refills and drink orders, he turned to Pinkie and winked. Pinkie nodded and looked at the incredibly fake inflatable Agent Mad sitting next to her; nobody would notice her leaving the room to perform her secret mission even if her replacement only had two arms and looked nothing like her and only had her name on it. They would need another distraction for her to get back in and for Pinkie to escape scrutiny so she could make contact with their last target while Tsunderplane and Mad cracked the safe, even if there were only like fifteen monsters in the room that weren’t even paying any attention to her party at all. “Along came a spider.” Said Pinkie in a loud tone, hearing her phrase word, not-Papyrus gained a serious look before he took a tumble on purpose attracting attention. Pinkie swiftly ran across the room to sit down next to Mister Blizzard Drake, the whole building shook as something exploded nearby. Nobody panicked over the loud explosion or even acknowledged it happened. “They sat down beside her!” Nobody cared what Pinkie was yelling or why, they barely even reacted to the explosion with the merest of grunts. Not-Papyrus started to quickly clean up his mess and Blizzard Drake stared at her as if she were a lunatic. He wouldn’t be wrong for thinking so. “Hello there, I’m Pinkie Pie. Alphys has a message for you, but she was afraid you’d get mad about the finer details. So she sent me to talk to you about it.” Moving her hoof over the table to gently grasp Mr. Drake’s wing with her hoof, she delivered her message with as much tact as she had. “Your wife’s alive and she’s fused to several other monsters into a horrible amalgamation, so do try to keep an open mind that she’s at least fifteen different monsters now in one body that’s partially melted, she also now has Vegetoids for eyes and her mind is really messed up with all those other guys occupying her body. Oh and here’s a number to contact Alphys about seeing her, she’s the most intact one of the bunch to survive being saved from dying you lucky… duck.” Blizzard Drake sat there for a moment letting all that sink in and looked down in to his wing to see that the hoof left a number there on a piece of paper, after a moment of looking at the pink stranger his eyes slowly rolled up into the back of his head and he fainted. Pinkie simply got up from the table without a distraction and walked back to the table to see Madeline Muffet lowering herself into her seat ready to finish off her large plate of Spaghetti. She idly pulled the webbing from the ceiling to make a fancy looking belt out of it. “I think he took it rather well.” Pinkie said as she sat back down and swallowed her dessert whole which didn’t surprise anyone, not even Burger. “I do so too… what about you Papyrus Nyeh heh?” Surypap turned to Papyrus wearing his battle body armor. “I’m positive that he was happy that his wife was at least still alive, for I am the great Papyrus disguised as the great Papyrus himself! Yes the disguise is so ingenious if I do say so myself.” The Really Confusing Papyrus was now in two places at once or so it would seem. Pinkie went slightly crossed eyed because of this. “Nyeh!” “I so say myself indeed! Heh heh!” Surypap said in exactly the same tone of voice Papyrus had, in fact his voice matched the other skeletons perfectly. “Come on let’s go get a dance in before bed.” Muffet pulled Pinkie away from staring at the two skeletons in complete confusion to dance a nice slow dance. “So do I get a kiss for completing my mission successfully Agent Pie?” “Oh what the hay, I can agree to that!” Pinkie chastely kissed Muffet on the cheek and despite the spider girl’s blush; she got a bit angry at the pony. “Oh come on, that’s all I get for finding out information on Mettaton, stealing all the cash in the safe, buying out the hotel making the theft a moot point in the first place and securing us rooms for the night!” Nobody really batted an eye at Miss Muffet’s angry yelling, much less the tiger, mantis, rabbit and dragon sitting at a table together who just shrugged idly at her words despite being royal guards. “Yes, that’s all you’re getting.” Pinkie answered bluntly. “Oh you are such a cruel mistress darling, especially for making me do so much work! Thankfully for you I’m a masochist and enjoy the challenge... what’s with that face?” For the life of her Muffet couldn’t tell why Pinkie looked so upset and started smacking her head into the table. It was still cute to watch though and she had been perfectly successful at her job getting them free rooms for themselves and their friends. “Was it something I said?” - “And nobody is even going to bat an eye at any of that, not even the purple spaghetti eating monster.” An amazed Toriel muttered blankly who shook her head and shoved a slice of snail encrusted pizza into her mouth. The free snail pizza would definitely help her heal faster.