“Hello, head shrinker,” Day Glow relaxed in the spacious office, sitting human-style on the offered couch.
“Well,” the smallish, red, female dragon adjusted her spectacles and smiled from behind her desk, “It’s nice to see a pony who doesn’t immediately balk at the thought of a dragon psychotherapist.”
“Meh,” the odd-looking cyan stallion shrugged, “Shrink is a shrink. Boss lady said you wanted to talk to me and Diane.”
“Yes, I’m Dr. Gem Fire. This is just a routine screening. It’s nothing to be concerned about, you’re not in any trouble,” the dragon tried to reign in on her smile, knowing how ponies could react when she showed her teeth. Thus she was quite surprised (and a little annoyed) to see the pony across from her fighting an unsuccessful battle to control his amusement, “Is there something you find funny, Mister Pastel?”
“It’s just adorable that you’re trying to hide your ‘scary’ dragon-smile,” the ponies face split into a large grin, and then split again, drawing a gasp from the therapist. Finally Lefty, Righty, and Middler emerged from the abyss within and each flashed their own shark-toothed grin, drawing yet another gasp from the normally professional therapist, “Wait till you see my fiance. She’s got a smile that could stop a train.”
“What… kind of pony are you exactly?” The dragon couldn’t quite believe what she was seeing, and took notes furiously.
“Well,” Dayglow laughed, “Discord said it was called a ‘tazzlpony’ but he was clearly just making that up on the spot. I’m a former human victim of chaotic shape-shifting magic. Last week I was a human, in a coma, in a changeling pod, in Canterlot undergoing extreme dream-therapy. I got better. Now my body in Canterlot is under the control of an evil alter-ego who’s stuck in a coma that everyone who knows hopes is permanent.”
“You don’t say,” the dragon made several notes including the words “delusional”.
“Actually I do say,” the patient rolled his eyes in clear contempt, “I mean honestly, I’m a eldritch horror of a nightmare pony. Is it that hard to believe that I’m from a nightmare subliminal demi-plane?”
“Fair enough,” Gem Fire nodded, and crossed out her previous notes, “You seem fairly lucid. I want to ask you a few questions. Some of these may seem silly, but please answer honestly. Who are the rulers of Equestria?”
“The two princesses in Canterlot, Celestia and Luna,” Day Glow rolled his eyes as Middler hovered over the desk, trying to read Gem Fire’s notes, much to the dragons annoyance.
“Very good,” the dragon-lady continued, “Tell me what you think of this statement, ‘Equestria is a ball in a great void that orbits the sun, pulled along it’s path by a mysterious force known as ‘gravity’.”
The pony pony fought it. He fought it hard. But it only took moments before he was off the couch rolling on the floor laughing as his tentacles slapped the floor with mirth.
“I’m sorry,” he gasped in between fits of giggles, “I just can’t believe you actually asked that. So the heliocentric solar system is a conspiracy theory on this world. Oh, man, that’s good. That’s REALLY good. I think I just found my new alternate wednesday religion. Since ponies don’t seem to get ‘Satanism’.”
“Mister Pastel,” the dragon grew stern, “Could you please take this seriously.”
“Okay, my bad,” the tazzlpony regained his composure and his seat on the couch, “Next question, please.”
“Consider the following statement,” the dragon read from a sheet of prepared questions, “Humans secretly infiltrate equestrian society disguised as ponies. Do you agree, or disagree with this statement.”
“I find the idea of humans turning into ponies to be patently absurd,” Ki fought hard to keep a straight face as Middler nodded solemnly in agreement.
“If you’re not going to take this seriously, Mr. Pastel,” the dragoness huffed, “Then I don’t see any reason to continue.”
“Serious?” Ki’s face melted from amusement to a scowl, “Did you hear that last question? Look, maybe human conspiracies are really big with crazy-ponies, but do I have to spell it out for you? I. Am. A. Human. I lived with Pinkie Pie, yes the Pinky Pie, element of laughter and all, for a full month as a full human. It’s a matter of public record. Humans aren’t even all that rare. I wasn’t even the only human in Ponyville, hell, the Princess of freakin’ friendzones has a human living in her castle! How am I supposed to take that question seriously?”
“Look at this from my perspective,” Gem Fire frowned, “I’m speaking to an uncooperative patient making improbable claims that can’t be proven or disproven…”
“You could ask Madame Butterfly, she actually saw me get transformed,” Ki said flatly, “I get it, you don’t believe in humans. I don’t care. I’m out. Just for all that, I’m not going to say ‘play nice, dear’ to Diane on my way out. Those three words were going to make a big difference on how the rest of your day goes, trust me.”