Cultural Artifacts

by Dan_s Comments


38) I Think You Should Take a Look At the OTHER Battlestar

Cultural Artifacts - I Think You Should Take a Look At The Other Battlestar
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 73

        Nightmare crept along the ridge line, her dark, multi-shaded fur blending in with the shadows. She followed the wolf as he led her close enough to the enemy encampments to work her 'magic', his tread let off less sound than hers, and his coat blended into the darkness to make him nearly invisible. She felt odd actually trusting something else. Especially this creature whom she considered her version of Derpy. Just as smitten and just as clueless, she thought ruefully, But the Big Guy seemed to enjoy the mailmare's company, and I, Nightmare am actually beginning to enjoy the wolf's. She almost snorted at that, but kept silence. Stealth was all, this day.

        Perhaps she has hidden depths, Nightmare considered as she tried to duplicate the woodcraft of the wolf, and just barely succeeded.

        The camp was laid out before her. She gave a tooth-hidden smile in the darkness and laid down in a particularly deep shadow. She extended her senses as the wolf laid down against her, guarding her while she 'went out' to do her work. Changelings among the camp, she thought, I recognize that stench, but it wasn't Chrysalis' throng that had that stench. She put the thought aside and concentrated on the ponies. It seems that Sombra's Army and Grass Light's force have achieved an amity or common cause. Too bad for them. Something else here, I can't touch it, not really. But I can work with what's before me. She grinned at the thought of all those unprotected minds. I know Luna would not approve, but she's busy elsewhere, and there's disapproval, and there's being able to stop me. I can always claim I was separating those who wanted to fight from those who thought they had no alternative.

        The nightmare she crafted and spread over the camp was a simple one, and those were the best. Whatever thing they most feared would relentlessly pursue them, and dear, sweet, noble Celestia awaited in the distance to protect them from it. So they could flee or suffer.

        She watched through the night as troopers of Sombra's army slipped away, often alone, but sometimes in small groups. They moved along the railway, but out of sight of it. And if they rested, the sweet succor of dear Celestia had been burned into their puny spirits. Nightmare laughed inwardly at that. They deserve each other, she thought, and searched for the leaders of the groups, to give them more personally hoof-crafted dreams.
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        Shining Armor hugged Cadence while the train was reconfigured. Lights and noise, shouts of instructions and reports of progress filled the station as the ponies who wanted them gone, and Flim and Flam's allies who wanted to be gone strove mightily to accomplish their desires.

        "Don't touch that!" preceded the flash of light, and the wispy smoke.

        "My frog, I'm full of stars."

        "Medic!"

        "If you don't want it leaving with the train, get your hoof out of there!"

        Shining sighed and shook his head.

        The newly-arrived griffons had politely insisted one of their three cars go at the front, another in the middle, and the third at the end of the train. Flim and Flam's group had checked over the mechanisms inside the cars and pronounced them safe, usually with an aura of religious awe. They too had assembled some truly bizarre cargo at key locations, and Shining wasn't going to argue. He still wanted to know how six barrels of rotten apples would repel an attack. But I'll find out, he thought as he ushered Cadence aboard, We're loaded, ready, and will soon be on our way.

        Picking their way through the interior was like traversing Twilight's library during reshelving. Objects floating here and there, stacks of materials piled in an order no one else could fathom.

        "The mess is more structurally sound than usual," Cadence suggested, and frowned when Armor only nodded, "It'll be fine."

        "Not yet it won't," he replied and entered the dining car where all the leaders of the various groups had assembled. Armor laid out a map as the other crowded in. "Discord told us where we are likely to be ambushed," he explained to Cadence and the leaders of the various groups, "I imagine they'll cut the bridges before and behind, and with us trapped, they'll swarm us."

        " 'Cept we ain't trapped," the Diamond Dog engineer traced a path across the topographic map. She looked up at Armor. "If you secure the breakables, we get out anytime we like."

        "There's no rails," the griffon said.

        "Rails make it easy, no rails don't make it impossible," the Diamond Dog said, "Even haulin' pony cars."

        Armor doubted it, but wasn't going to start an argument. "But what we are is bait," he said, "We need to get them all in, all tangled with each other, and let Vladimir's forces stomp on them."

        "Too bad," the griffon said, "We could take care of them ourselves."

        Armor almost didn't want to ask. "How much of what you put together is nonlethal?"

        The inventors looked sheepishly at each other. "All of it, lad," the griffon said, "We'd hardly make a good impression with what the heavy stuff would do."

        "But there's worse things than dying," Flim said.

        "Righteo, brother mine!" Flam added.

        "I know this is going to give me nightmares," Armor said, and ignored Cadence's giggles, "What exactly does that stuff do? And what can't be affected by it?"

        In ten minutes, Armor was seriously wondering why anyone was afraid of the Big Guy, he'd just shoot you dead.
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Day 74

        The crack of dawn brought much activity. Aboard the train, they had been sleeping, lulled by the gentle rocking of the cars. Now they woke and they went to check their equipment, running final checks before they crossed into the ambush zone. In the camps of the ambush zone, the missing were tallied and remarked on, and the leaders began trying to fathom a pattern. On the ridges beyond the encampment, Nightmare and the wolf watched the stirrings and awaited their chance for more mischief. The Big Guy had assembled his equipment and crew before dawn. Selene had included a disk that would let them communicate if he became invisible or something.

        Vladimir's forces had been on duty for an hour, ready for a late night sneak attack that hadn't come. Those who'd needed to, had breakfasted early as they stood to their posts. Those on the train and in the Big Guy's group all had a good breakfast. Ironically, those on KP had been among the highest rates of deserters, so Grass Light's force and Sombra's army struggled to both get ready, and to find people to prepare the food for the troops.

        After their breakfast, and with the light steadily improving, the Big Guy began his ascent of 'Mount Sombra'.

        Tom and Discord watched this and many other scenes, and thoroughly enjoyed themselves. In all cases, guessing just who was going to be truly ambushing whom was part of the fun.

        "This is going to be a glorious day," Discord said and rubbed his paws together in glee.

        "I still think we made it too easy on our friends," Tom replied.

        "No, the initial victory will pay dividends in the next game," Discord replied, "And the glory of a hard-fought victory pales in comparison to what they'll win if they aren't as hard-pressed."

        Tom nodded, as best he could, and continued watching. "Is he going to realize Sombra never booby-trapped that part of his tower?"

        "I hope not," Discord said and offered his bowl of popcorn to Tom.
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        His fingers found the edge of the crystal, even through the gloves. The climb had been almost boring. Don't get overconfident, the Big Guy thought as he tested the new handhold with more weight, It would be just like that gentleman to leave the bottom third undefended, and only activate everything once you were in the middle of it.

        He pulled himself up and got his feet in the positions he'd marked earlier. It's going well, too well, he thought, Solid structure, no crumbling. No little traps in the handholds. No sudden spells to throw you off the surface. What possible explanation can I be missing?

        "Derpy, you still there?" he called.

        "Gnawing my hooves to the bone, but still here," she said from practically behind him, "Why don't you let me just fly you up there. I don't think the traps will work on pegasi."

        He considered, but shook his head. "That would be too easy. He was thorough and paranoid. The idea that there were no surface-to-air defenses doesn't track."

        In the distance, a rocket exploded in the air. Since Trixie was sleeping late, it could only mean one thing. "It's begun," the Big Guy said, and Derpy hugged him.
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        The train had been subtly slowing once it crossed the first bridge. Now that the second bridge had erupted in smoke and flames, the braking took on an urgent tone. Shining Armor looked through the caboose's high-set windows, and saw the bridge behind them cease to exist, and he smiled as the train squealed to a halt.

        "I prefer mobile warfare," he said as he closed the armored shutters over the windows, "But fighting from inside a fortress has its appeal."

        "I wish we didn't have to fight at all," Cadence replied as she also dogged down the armored shutters.

        "Not our choice," he said as he moved forward and she moved to the rear.
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        Tear Twirler was not used to seeing even a 'radix' of Molybdenum Blossom out in the open. But the relatively mobile tree was absolutely necessary, according to Molybdenum Blossom. She hates Cadence so much, why? Tear Twirler knew enough not to ask, Watching this is overly dangerous.

        "Soon, soon," Blossom said as she watched the train halt and the soldiers close in.
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        "Firing!" the call was repeated down the train to warn people away from the windows. The thumps indicated the mortars, which had fired the warning rockets, were launching something far more unpleasant.

        Armor watched as the canisters exploded, showering dust on the first wave of attackers. Most simply looked around, screamed, and passed out. 'A combination of one of those 'cat-walking-too-loudly-across-a-carpet' hangovers, with absolutely seeing the world as it is', Shining remembered, and remembered having had both of those experiences, but never at the same time. Most of the first-wave shrieked, then collapsed, or just collapsed as the noise would have hurt too much. His fur stood on end as it sank in that the reality of the weapon seemed infinitely worse than the description.

        The second wave paused to consider their approach, before running into that hanging dust cloud. Thinks died and didn't make the appalling noises the attackers made.
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        Marching Cadence lowered her binoculars. "Conjure a wind, a strong one, and we'll put an end to that little trick. Pull the second wave back, and have them concentrate on the engine. If we attack along a broad front, we just give them more opportunities."

        "We'll get stacked up pretty badly as well," Vapid Ox reminded her.

        "Can't be helped," she replied.
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        Nightmare had located what appeared to be the command center, and all those nasty ponies within. A little paranoia, and some 'harmless' sounds, she thought as she and the wolf slipped unseen and unheard through the underbrush towards their target.
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        "The second wave had stopped out of range of the engine," the engineer reported, "Too close for the mortars, and too far away for her blasts."

        "I'm sorry," the girl in the firebox reported.

        "Not your fault," Armor said automatically, "But they're out of their effective range as well. Remember, we're the flypaper, Vladimir is the flyswatter. Keep up your efforts, but be ready for them to change tactics."

        The Diamond Dog nodded as she looked out the slits in the shutters for a moment, but only for a moment. The enemy still had crossbows.

        The World's Largest Breezy intercepted him as Armor headed deeper in the bedlam of action that was the train. "We have stuff that will flush them out of there."

        "Without slaughtering them?" he asked as he plastered himself against the wall to allow others to pass forward and aft without interference.

        "Does it matter?" the Breezy asked.

        "Yes," Armor said and squeezed by.

        Easy, easy, he reminded himself, You've been under fire, you've been under siege, they're just reacting like normal non-soldiers would.

        Flim and Flam blocked the way, wrestling a machine hooked to a barrel of rotten apples, so they could fire it through one of the mortar ports. "Pal a' meeno," Flim said.

        "Pal o' mino," Flam added, "Have we got one for you." Flam pulled the lever and the machine chundered away, launching its cargo through the mortar port.

        Armor looked at the completely empty barrel, even the smell of rotten apples was gone. He looked at the very pleased inventors. "Do I want to know?"

        "Maybe, the wind is coming from that direction, so it'll mostly be gone when it gets here," Flim said, then coughed softly.

        The stench that hit them was utterly nauseating. "This is dissipated?" he asked and tried to wipe the streams of tears from his eyes.

        "It's better than I was afraid of," Flam said as he tried to wave away the indescribable stench with his straw boater.

        "Applejack forgive me, I may never want to look at an apple again after this!" Armor said.

        "We've got a skunk in reserve," Flim said.

        "If we really need it," Flam added.

        "Celestia's mercy I hope not!" Armor said and stumbled to the next car. He suddenly remembered that the device was called 'The Sticky Gun', it would produce a material that would stick something to almost anything else.

        If whatever is causing that stench is stuck to the ponies out there -?! His stomach almost emptied in sympathy.
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        Molybdenum Blossom could no longer feel fury, the new form prevented it. But there was a near analog that was readily available, she laced her next words with it. "Send in our troops, these idiots play at being soldiers, and they exchange pranksters' tricks as if they were military. Send in our troops!"

        Tear Twirler nodded and made the signal. The rustle of immense wings soon filled the air.
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        "Here comes the main event," Vladimir said as the changelings' reports were transcribed to the clear screens in the CIC. They showed the huge number of flying creatures taking aim at the train. "Get us underway and heading out." He looked at the officers. "Former Captain Armor may be willing to put his people at risk for his principles, but I lack those principles. If it's them or you, pick you." He saluted and the changelings and ponies returned it. The troops moved out and Vladimir considered the best approach for his ship and troops.
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        The shield he had surrounding the train kept weakening in locations, and letting some of the fire in. But the train had been reinforced against fire, so while it steadily got warmer, there were no fires within the train.

        Until it heats up enough to light something off, he thought as he looked at the various devices the inventors were eager to loose on the enemy, but didn't dare open a hole to fire out of for fear of fire coming in.

        He nearly ran into Cadence as she approached. "We have a problem," she told him flatly.

        "I'm fine, we can hold out a while," he assured her and kissed her cheek, unmilitary but they were newlyweds.

        "No, the railroad ties are on fire, or burnt through," she said, "Pretty soon."

        The train lurched to one side, but moved no farther.

        "That's going to happen the length of the train. I don't know if the locomotive is strong enough to pull the train cars across open ground, but those ties and rail will rip the belly out of the train if we try," Cadence said.

        Armor sighed and considered their options. "I hate to say this," he told her, "But we have to trust Blueblood."

        Cadence facehoofed. "I know it's wrong, but I really wish you hadn't said that."
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        It was late morning, and the Big Guy was feeling a right chump for his assessment of Sombra. "You're right," he told Derpy and Selene, "There was nothing there." He climbed onto the balcony of Sombra's true throne room at the top of the spire dominating the skyline of the Republic. Absolutely nothing had assailed any of them on their ascent. The room was like every other room in the tower, crystalline walls and hangings. These seemed to be distinctly less 'family-friendly' than the hangings adoring the lower chambers.

        Have to sanitize this place before we let most of the other ponies up here, the Big Guy thought, as he looked around, Of course just burning it all would be a terrible thing to do to history. Maybe collect them and send them to the librarians to appreciate. Now where is the Maguffin?

        There, sitting on a pedestal was the Crystal Heart. And hiding behind a couple of pedestals were a trio of dufi. He gestured for Selene to get help.

        "But I'm not stupid enough to not think this is where the traps are," the Big Guy said as he circled out of range of whatever Sombra had left around the Heart. He peered down the stair case. "And where does that go I wonder?" He looked around. "Come out, come out wherever you are," he called, "Snowflower and Dandelion, I thought I recognized you, and you must be Grass Light."

        The trio of ponies walked into the throne room.

        "How did you spot us?" the changeling disguised as a pegasus demanded.

        The stench of utter stupidity was making me gag, the Big Guy thought, A pair of polarized sunglasses makes most of these crystals transparent rather than glowy.

        "The crystals you were hiding behind have a high disgronification index under the influence of nazca brushes," he told them, "Since you haven't grabbed the crystal already, you're not all completely stupid. Cowards yes, stupid no."

        "Why risk myself?" Grass Light asked as if pointed to himself, then the Big Guy, "When the Ponyville Monster can do it for me?"

        "Since I know you'll eventually resort to threats, where in this entire room do you think you can stand and be safe from Sombra's traps? He's quite a bit smarter than you, and would have considered all the options," the Big Guy said.

        "Once I have the Heart, that won't really be my problem," Grass Light said.

        "And don't expect your poooneeey to help you," Dandelion said and changed into Derpy. She turned around and waved her tail in the air. "Go ahead and deliver, I'm only good for pumping out parcels." Dandelion and Snowflower laughed.

        "Is she kidding?" Derpy asked.

        Grass Light winced.

        "Yes, she did that on purpose," the Big Guy said and began circling the Heart.

        "What are you doing?" Grass Light asked.

        "It's called thinking, I know some of you consider it against your religion, but I do a lot of it," the Big Guy said as he stared at the architecture and the Heart, seeming to ignore the trio of ponies. Grass Light hid his irritation better, but the two changelings fumed openly.

        "I think you're stalling," Snowflower said.

        "I want this as much as your master does," the Big Guy said.

        "No one's our master!" Dandelion shouted back.

        "So you can't control them either?" the Big Guy asked as he peered at the ground, and at the ceiling, then took a careful step, then another.

        "Hurry up!" Dandelion ordered.

        "Or we'll get your little ones," Snowflower added, "Maybe not today, maybe tomorrow. Or maybe just because." The pair laughed at that.

        "I rush this, and we're all likely to end up paste, maybe sprayed halfway to Appleoosa, so hold your horses," the Big Guy said and he carefully picked his way across the floor, looking up and looking down.
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        "They're surrounded by fire," Sapphire reported to Vladimir, "But their shields are holding. I think they're hung up on the track. And no more of those fliers have joined the fight, they're all in."

        The former prince looked at the expectant faces in the battleship's spacious bridge. "Bring us around over the bulk of them. We're going in."

        He glanced at Green Grass, who nodded her approval.

        They didn't feel it, so smooth was the motion, but the massive vehicle turned and accelerated.
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        Armor watched the swarm of plant dragons fly in and breathe fire on the train. Keeping the shield up was giving him a headache, and eventually he wouldn't be able to. The heat from the surrounding fires was also starting to make it hard to concentrate.

        "They're a lot smaller than the ones from Canterlot," Cadence said, using her magic to ease his pain and weariness.

        The inventors had rigged a few weapons that could be rapid fired through the gunports, but they had little effect on the plant dragons.

        "I really wish he'd hurry up," Armor said, sounding too much like a moan for his own peace of mind.
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        Tear Twirler knew laying hands on Molybdenum Blossom unbidden was tantamount to suicide. But if I am going to die anyway, she thought as she tugged at the tree's limb.

        "I want to watch this undisturbed!" Molybdenum shouted.

        "I think someone else is going to disturb it," Tear Twirler said, and once Molybdenum looked away from the burning train, she pointed towards the oncoming cloud. It had been white when it appeared, now the bottom darkened like a thunderhead presaging a storm.

        "That's not possible," Molybdenum Blossom said as they were overflown, and the ship vomited forth thousands of changelings. "no."

        It took a moment, but the ancient creature reasserted herself. "Sound the recall of all forces!"

        "But we nearly have them," Tear Twirler said.

        "The wyverns are nearly out of fire and those changelings aren't throwing pies!" Molybdenum Blossom said, as a dozen changelings, surrounded by their green aura, smashed into one of the wyverns and driving it to the ground. "Give the order while there's still a force to withdraw."

        Before the order could be given, they lost nearly a dozen more, and twice that before the wyverns could outrun the pursuing changelings.
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        Nightmare had stalked the leaders, and now she saw the ones she had truly been seeking. Oh, they are fleeing now, time to pursue them to their lair, she thought and grinned at the slaughter Vladimir had wreaked on the flying army, I love it when a plan comes together.
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        The changelings were piling sand and snow on the fires that burned close to the train, while others cut away the torn tracks that would have prevented the train from moving.

        "You had a barbeque and didn't invite me," Vladimir whined at Armor and Cadence, "I'm so deeply hurt."

        Armor just laughed.

        "More like a pony bake," Cadence replied as she fanned herself with her wings, "How soon can we get underway? None of the changelings found Grass Light, so it's obvious where he'll be." She nodded towards the distant tower.

        "I doubt he'll do well against the Big Guy," Vladimir said, "It's Sombra's traps that have me worried."

        The three ponies agreed.
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        Derpy knew what was coming. The Big Guy tried to prevent them from threatening me or Dinky, Derpy thought, Grass Light took the lifeline, Dandelion and Snowflower said that even if he performed, the threat still stood.

        Derpy watched the Big Guy calmly move across the floor, seemingly at random. She saw the trio getting more and more nervous. She kept away from them, and closer to the Big Guy by flying balcony to balcony. I'm not going in without orders, she thought, I may not be as bad as I once was, but this is him skating on the edge. I don't want to trip him up.

        "Did you scan the magical flux of the room when you entered?" the Big Guy asked Grass Light, "Is it higher now or lower?" He looked at the pony, who frowned back.

        Derpy nearly facehoofed at the ineptitude of the thieves. Heck, just listening to Twilight talk about her experiments, I would know to do that, Derpy thought. She watched him study some of the pillars. When he rapped on one with his knuckles, the trio nearly jumped out of their skins. But they won't get close to him, strange. Do they know Selene left? Derpy wondered, Did they feel her love for him, or did they miss it in all the background?

        The Big Guy touched one of the inner court's pillars and leaned almost too far over. "Sombra, you sneaky S.O.B.," he said, "That's almost as nasty as what I would have done."

        That agitated the trio. "What?" Grass Light demanded.

        "Derpy check near the top of that pillar. Don't touch the ground or the pillar," the Big Guy said, ignoring the frantic expressions on the trios' faces.

        Derpy checked, and saw only the same crystal that made up the rest of the room. "Nothing," she reported truthfully.

        "That makes this easy," the Big Guy said, "Please come here and help me with this."

        "WHAT!?" Grass Light shouted.

        "The Crystal Heart," the Big Guy said without looking away from where he was staring, at nothing.

        "It's behind you," Dandelion said.

        "No, that's the bait. Everyone comes in here, sees the Heart, but the real one can only be seen from the throne, or after you've been trapped trying to steal the fake," the Big Guy said and chuckled, "Very ingenious, and thoroughly cruel. After you know you failed, you get proof you were after the wrong goal all the time. Ingenious."

        The stallion shifted nervously on his hooves and looked around the room. "Well, hoof it over," Grass Light said.

        "Oh, of course. Just get ready to run, there's bound to be traps. Nobody sets this up without back up," the Big Guy said.

        Derpy saw the green glow in his fist, a glow she recognized. "Ready?" she asked.

        "On three, two, one."

        The pair threw the glow at the trio, who scrambled to be the first to catch it. Dandelion lost, as it detonated in her outstretched hoof. Derpy had looked away and closed her eyes, yet she still saw the veins in her eyelids clearly. Her vision and hearing wasn't good from the brightness and the booming noise. But it was worse for them, she thought as she glanced at the fallen trio. She turned away and headed out to the balcony. He protected Dinky once before, he protected all of Equestria, now again. She heard the long knife, nearly a short sword, come from the sheathe. She took to the air to examine the roof of the tower so she didn't have to watch or hear what followed.

        She reached out a hoof, not quite touching the roof, feeling for magic like you'd often felt for lightning in a cloud. There is none. She dropped down and hovered over the floor, feeling for magic, and even at the balcony, it practically thrummed with power. So, he was an Earth pony after all, she thought, All the power comes from beneath, not from above.

        Dandelion and Snowflower looked like they were asleep. Grass Light looked like he'd been run over by a couple of wagons, the way his limbs were twisted. The knife was back in the sheathe.

        "He'll live," the Big Guy said, "He just won't be very happy."

        Derpy nodded and flew over towards the Big Guy.

        "Now you've got something to tell me," he said and smiled, back to the male she loved so.

        She hovered over and hugged him. "Everything is in the floor," she said, "I think. I want to check the pedestal to be sure."

        "Don't touch it," he warned as he hugged her back.

        She released him and hovered a short distance away. "I know," she said, then added, "But thank you for watching out for me."

        "Ditto," he replied.

        She checked the base, which was rich with power, the Heart itself of course, and the upper pillar had almost none. It all came together in her mind. "Boom and Zoom," she said as she approached him. She was overjoyed to see he understood instantly.

        "Let's get the approach that gives you the most Boom and Zoom," he said and began looking out the various windows and balconies.

        It struck her again how changeable he could be. It's directed at protecting those inside his 'bubble', she thought, But it can be fearsome, if you don't take the warning.

        "Okay, this should let you go the fastest," he said, "Build up speed, through the balcony window, then to the Heart and out. You'll have to cut each window pretty close, but once you're outside, you'll have plenty of space to slow down."

        "What about you?" she asked, "Are you going to be on the other balcony?"

        "Actually, I was planning on climbing up there and watching," he said and pointed up the tower, "He didn't booby-trap the outside, remember?"

        Derpy nodded. "Let me fly through a couple of times slow, then I'll go through full speed," she said.

        "Good plan," he said and walked onto the balcony, "I'll be over here."
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        The train was clear and was slowly moving across the plain. "Why aren't those wheels just digging into the ground?" Vladimir asked as he walked beside it, occasionally crouching down to get a better look, "This can't possibly work."

        "Oh me," Flim started.

        "Oh my," Flam continued, "Our defluidizer has him stumped."

        "Baffled," Flim said.

        "And befuddled," Flam agreed.

        "Ah, a fluidized bed can make sand act like water, flowing easily. So you somehow have the ground resist the flow like the rails do, very clever," Vladimir said and looked up at the trio of utterly stunned unicorns, "It's obvious once I heard the name."

        "It is?" Shining Armor exclaimed.

        Flim took off his hat and held it over his heart. "I think I'm going to like it here."

        His brother was wiping happy tears from his eyes.

        "Let me give you a ride into town so we can check up on the festival," Vladimir said to Shining as he gestured to the battleship.

        "That, I want to study," Flim said.

        "I as well," said Flam.

        "You may have to," Vladimir said, "She's got some issues."

        "No flares from the city," Green Grass said, "So I assume it's all going well."

        Vladimir sighed. "Don't forget, the climber didn't think Discord or Nightmare Moon were 'serious problems.'"

        "That's why I gave the rocket to Dinky," Green Grass said and Vladimir facehoofed.

        "It's always good to have clever staff officers," Armor said and patted him on the shoulder.
------------------------------

        The Big Guy tested his leg. "That's either dislocated or broken." The Crystal Heart was gone, but the roof had become black crystals and dumped him back into the throne room. Landing on the back of Sombra's throne had done him no favors. Black crystals grew steadily around him. They'd already sealed the stairwell at the center of the room.

        "Well that'll explain away the changelings," he muttered as the crystals had overgrown the corpses, and had surrounded and lifted Grass Light halfway to the ceiling. "I would get you as a cellmate."

        The unicorn let out a screech an owl would have been proud of, probably from his attempt to move. "I'm blind!" he shouted, "What have you done?"

        "I glued your eyes shut," the Big Guy said, "You could only see your own ambition, so I figured you didn't need them. I can gouge them out if you think that's better."

        "No," Grass Light whispered.

        The Big Guy touched the crystals and yanked his hand back as if the surface were burning. His limited lessons with Dinky and the Crusaders didn't answer the question forming in his mind. "What do you know about storing energy in crystals?"

        "I know that steam engines and crossbows are safer," Grass Light said, then rested his muzzle against the crystals trapping him, "Oh dear."

        "That's what I thought," the Big Guy said.

        "You have to get me out of here!" Grass Light said and hissed in pain as he flopped helplessly against the crystals imprisoning him, "For Celestia's mercy, help me!"

        "We're both inside the trap," the Big Guy said, "If I could help myself, I'd help you." He pulled the disk out, "Selene, can you hear me?"

        "Yes, loud and clear," came the excited voice, "Derpy brought the Heart, but the top of the tower's all black. Should I come up and get you?"

        "Under no circumstances! Sombra had another trap, and it's a mean one. You remember what that shotgun did, when I was teaching you and Dinky to never touch it unsupervised."

        "I remember being glad that wasn't my real stuffie," Selene said.

        "Well, I think that's the trap, except they're huge, big enough to cover the whole city. Now listen carefully, and repeat these instructions back. Fire the success and the emergency codes."

        "Fire the success and the emergency codes," came the wavering voice.

        "Get everyone directly beneath the palace, or completely out of the city."

        "Get everyone beneath - directly beneath the palace, or completely out of the city."

        "That's it. Now if Celly or Luna are there, put them on," the Big Guy said, ignoring the terrified whisperings of Grass Light.

        "Celly here," came another voice.

        "There are crystals growing in here. They are building up an energy charge. Once it reaches a critical point, they'll explode. The fragments can reach probably the entire city. Celly, open fire with everything you've got on the top of the tower. I don't know the yield on these crystals, or how fast they're powering up to blow, but from what little I know, it'll scythe the town flat."

        "What?!"

        The Big Guy briefly thought Celly had squealed that, then he looked at Grass Light. "If these crystals blow, we're just as dead. Suck it up and die with some dignity!"

        "We're on it," Celly's voice told him.

        A stream of urine ran down the crystal wall, sizzling and popping as it went.

        "And you thought Blueblood was a coward?" the Big Guy said disdainfully.

        He heard the impacts begin, some lighter, and some pierced the wall, and burned through the other side.

        "That's good shooting you two," he said quietly. He raised the disk. "Vladimir, or anyone else, we could use your help. We have a situation here."

        "We are there," came a soft voice he didn't recognize.
------------------------------

        Cadence had sent the few dragons ahead and they were already firing on the cancerous top of the palace. The Constitution didn't have far to go either, but they had preparations. Then they had a concern that turned into a joy. Four, huge, blue-veined, green dragons had dropped out of the clouds and commenced fire on the tower. Crystals fell away in droves, but more grew to take their place. The citizens who'd been preparing the festival were huddled fearfully under the palace or running fearfully to put as much distance between themselves and the city as possible. The crystals that were sheered away burned themselves out when they fell, but nopony wanted to get hit by them.

        Vladimir looked at the worried officers on the bridge. He was calm and collected, what they needed despite what he actually felt. "Okay, get to the lightning ports. We'll be concentrating all your power in one shot to take the top off the palace," Vladimir said.

        The Changelings and unicorns headed for their stations, the Changelings becoming pegasi and unicorns as they left.

        "You didn't mention the Big Guy is in there," Armor said quietly.

        Vladimir signaled and the voices of the others filled the bridge.

        "Continue firing!" the Big Guy's voice sounded ragged.

        "You're hurt," Celly argued, "How much more can you take?"

        "CONTINUE FIRING!" he ordered in return.

        "Even Celly can't blast the top off of that tower, but I can," Vladimir said as he set the controls, "Odd, that my greatest action would also be to murder my dearest friend."

        "Carrying that martyrdom a little tightly, aren't you?" Armor asked as he stepped up beside him.

        Vladimir's hooves hovered over the controls, as if he'd forgotten what to do. "For a long time it was all I had," Vladimir said and resumed working.

        "Not anymore," Armor began setting the controls similar to Vladimir's settings, "If someone needs to get his shining armor tarnished, it's me."
------------------------------

        The spalling on the inside walls had cut and burned him as fragments of crystal and gobbets of molten material had touched him. He was hunkered down in the stairwell. But it wasn't deep enough to protect much of him. He could hear the difference between the hits by dragon fire, by Celly and Selene's magic, and the changelings who hurled themselves bodily against the walls.

        He didn't wince as another blow scattered fragments across him. He'd covered his face as best he could, but there was no other protection he had. Somehow, he knew this was it. The last throw of the dice requires a sacrifice, so be it. This isn't the first time I've called down fire on my own position, he thought, feeling almost serene, But I never thought I'd have to do it here. Is all this because of me? If whatever Celestia's plan for this place was, would they have tripped the trap, would Sombra have even been a concern, or just target practice for the Elements? I don't know. I wanted them to grow up. To learn to be grown ups. This should do it.

        He wiped the blood from his face and looked at Grass Light, who'd managed to avoid the worst of it.

        I wonder if passing out from gibbering terror saved him. God loves fools, drunks and the United States of America, he thought, I wonder if I can qualify on points? he chuckled at that. The sound ebbed. Vladimir must be bringing the Constitution in. I wish I could tell him he was doing the right thing, but I don't know if that would be the right thing. I wonder what's going through Derpy's mind. This isn't her fault either. Sombra had a last trick we both missed. The others will look after her. But that's hardly fair after all they've been through, after what I've put them through. Odd that such weird creatures would tug at the heart. I don't think I could be 'attracted' to their full equine forms, but the human and in-between are attractive enough. Does that make me a 'bad' person for finding them sexy, for enjoying snuggling with their animal forms? He chuckled at that. I was a bad person before I ever came here. Such things to worry about at such a time. Who's here who would condemn you now?

        A new voice came over the disk. "All forces, this is Discord, have monitored the situation, clear the field and standby for cornflakes."

        "Anyone else, I'd put that down to transmission error," he said, and the walls began to glow.
------------------------------

        Celly watched Discord pitch 'balls of light' at the dark crystals, as he raced in from wherever he'd been goofing off. No, he just wanted to make a dramatic entrance. She gasped, as did everyone else in the city, as the explosion covered the entire top of the castle's tower.

        "No," she said, feeling astonishment that Discord could fail.

        But he hadn't. Bowls floated down on little parachutes. She snagged one of them floating near her. It was filled with corn flakes, of course, but around the rim were portraits of all the new 'Lords of Crystal Republic'. Celly smirked at that as Discord bowed to the appreciative audience of Crystal Ponies and others.

        Discord zipped into the top throne room, and removed the Big Guy, lowering him to the ground. The battered expression was far less than what Celly had expected. Probably due to Discord, she thought as she followed them down.

        "So, how's about we fire this thing and get this party started!"

        "How did Pinkie Pie get here?" Celly whispered to Discord.

        "I brought her," Discord said, "That's why I wasn't here for the gripping action, and had to settle for the last-minute rescue."

        "Your timing was perfect," the Big Guy said, "So let's light this thing, and then I want to sleep for a week."

        The happy Crystal Ponies surrounded the Heart. Some of their leaders like Will o' Wisp pushed Vladimir and others to the front. Cadence and Armor were included by the people and they clustered together as the ponies bowed and lent their power to the Heart.
------------------------------

        Celestia and Woona watched as the light from the north swept down and bathed Equestria in its illumination. There was a subtle nuance to the light, far more richly layered than Celestia remembered. Considering who all is up there, I shouldn't be surprised, she thought and smiled to Woona.

        "I think they did rather well," Woona told her and smiled, "Not perfect, but rather well."

        Celestia smiled, but wondered who else was reacting.
------------------------------

        Nightmare shivered as if with an ague, and the wolf pressed close and whined unhappily at her distress. "I am going to start calling you 'Derpy Dog'," Nightmare said, and face pawed when her turning nasty buoyed his spirits. "I need a new job," she whispered, then continued tracking the fleeing tree spirit. "Or maybe a nice massacre."
------------------------------

        Tom watched for any sign that the light had stirred the beast. After watching it for an hour, he headed home. He would be back tomorrow to check, but so far, all gambles were paying off. I'd like to feed you a passel of antimatter, but I'm not sure it would work, he thought as he slipped away.
------------------------------

        Grass Light looked around unsuccessfully as his eyes were closed, the pain seemed to be gone, but he still couldn't move. "Don't worry," he heard from beside him, "I fixed you up, but you'll have to stay in that body cast."

        Grass Light opened his eyes, a great relief, until he saw Discord looking down at him. He tried to tell Discord he wasn't afraid, but his mouth wouldn't work.

        "Oh, I had your jaw wired shut," Discord said, "After all, fillies like you should be seen and not heard. And you are adorable if I do say so myself."

        Filly?! Adorable?! he thought in horror, then he realized how tall things were, NO!

        "I was considering just making the body cast half itching powder, but then I remembered that this little trick is just so much more acceptable. It gives Blueblood's mother a whole new chance to raise a filly properly, after she lost her son," Discord said and leaned close, "Isn't that a wonderful solution?"

        Grass Light started to cry, for the first time in years.

        "Oh Discord, you're such an equinitarian!" he vanished

        NO! Grass Light thought as she considered her future. No, come back, please, just kill me!

        "Hello Grass Light," Princess Buttercup stepped in front of Grass Light, "I'll be your foalsitter, and we'll have ever so much fun."

        Her expression didn't promise anything the least bit fun.
------------------------------
Day 75

        Discord looked around. "I silenced every alarm clock, rescheduled every appointment and put the whole country to sleep for a day, since two major battles in less than a week was enough excitement even for me. Oh, Celestia, Woona and the Mane 6 helped abolish that stupid lake commission and pack all the records for the Canterlot Archives, just oodles of fun, excitement and papercuts. NOT! Goodnight!"
------------------------------
Day 76

        Nightmare walked up to the huge, buffet table where breakfast was being served. She took two large fish off the buffet and dropped them at the wolf's feet, while she looked for the scrambled eggs. She took the whole tray and balanced it on her head.

        "Somebody's hungry," the Big Guy commented of the pair from where he sat.

        "What happened to you?" Nightmare asked, "I've eaten then crapped things in better condition than you."

        "Sombra's last trap, " the Big Guy said, "There's a lot that's happened in the past few days."

        "There's one more thing that's happened," Nightmare said and let the Big Guy set the tray of scrambled eggs on the table. Nightmare hopped up on a chair beside him, and buried her muzzle in the tray.

        "I've decided I'm not going to be surprised by anything anymore," Cadence said as she entered, "She took all the eggs."

        "Electric Cookie will have another tray," the Big Guy said, and headed over to get his breakfast from the buffet.

        "Oh happy -" Flim began on entering.

        "SILENCE!" Nightmare said raising up out of the tray, even with her muzzle plastered with scrambled eggs, she looked menacing. "No public singing before breakfast," she added, and returned to the tray of eggs.

        "Not a morning person," Cadence said, as more of the inventors corps and other leaders dribbled into the banquet hall. She carried her toast, tea, and jam over and sat across from Nightmare, who had the tray trapped between the salt cellar and the condiment rack and was doing a good job of licking the steel clean. Cadence wisely decided not to say anything.

        "Mphrfurlegly," Discord said as he slithered on his belly through the air.

        "The green urn," the Big Guy said without taking his eyes off his oatmeal and coddled egg, or the reports he was reading, "And when she's conscious, Luna will thank you for your help."

        Discord just took the green lid off, and poured an entire urn full of used coffee grounds down his gullet. "Ah," he said, "Ready to face a new day!"

        Armor was about to say something when Vladimir just shook his head at him. Armor decided to take the unicorn's advice.

        "Good morning, everypony!" Celly, Dinky and Derpy arrived and chorused.

        "Morning Ponies," Trixie complained as she entered the hall, "I smell Worcester tea."

        "Strong enough to dissolve a horseshoe," Glory said as she set out another tray of eggs, and a tray of fish before the Wolf. He gave her a lick across the face that set her back a step. She wiped her face on her apron, then poured Trixie a cup of tea from the yellow urn.

        Trixie drank it, and seemed on the verge of screaming in terror. "That is the good stuff. Half and half with the breakfast stuff for the rest. Who else drinks that rocket fuel?"

        Luna and Selene arrived. Luna headed straight for the yellow urn. Trixie and Glory got out of her way. Selene crawled into the Big Guy's lap and went back to sleep.

        "I think we know who to thank for the countrywide picnic dream," the Big Guy said, scratching Selene behind the ears.

        "Ask a silly question," Trixie said, "Where's the Sphinx?" She looked around.

        "On KP, like I am for you in the morning," the Sphinx arrived with a tray of sweet rolls, and two pieces of bacon for the Big Guy, "Vladimir, was she like this when you were with her?"

        "She didn't burn the gazpacho, if that's what you mean," Vladimir said as he set a very large salad at the table and sat down behind it, "But I did the cooking that needed doing." Fork in hoof, he began his deforestation.

        "I can cook," Trixie protested, "You're just a lot better than I am," she admitted sheepishly.

        Nightmare let out a belch, and slid the tray aside. "Okay, who wants to know where Molybdenum Blossom's secret headquarters is?" The complete set of malevolent grins made Nightmare Moon's spirit soar.
------------------------------

        "Cadence," the Big Guy issued the alicorn into the room, where Glory, Holly Hock, and Forget-Me-Not waited.

        Cadence recognized them from her dealing in Canterlot, and briefly from their sojourn in Ponyville. She waved, and was a bit worried that the just shuffled their hooves.

        "These are Celestia's spies, they're very good at their jobs, and they have been watching me for Celestia and Sir Eagle Bell for some time," he said, stunning all the ponies. He turned to the trio. "You thought avoiding your restaurant was happenstance? First, I knew you were spies. Second, I really didn't have much money and no real assurance that I could get more, so eating out was a nonstarter from the get go."

        Glory facehoofed. "We all knew you had that treasure chest full from the dragons," Glory said, "No one assumed you didn't know."

        "Unless you'd delivered it to my doorstep, how could I have known?" the Big Guy said, "Third, I had and still have a freezer full of food that I needed to clear out, so unless you started doing the cooking, I wasn't going to let all that go to waste. Anyway, they'll ferret out any secrets Celestia or the Canterlot bureaucracy needs to know, so then you and Armor can concentrate on helping run the government. Instead of reporting on our activities yourselves. That should help cement you choosing the Republic's side over Equestria's. Now, while Vladimir would balk at it, we may send a formal letter for a Consulate, not a full Embassy, and those three can be the Consul-General and her staff."

        Now it was Glory's turn to panic. "I'm a solder, I've got no idea how to be an Ambassador!"

        "It's easy, spy on everyone, lie to the people around you, and tell the truth to your political masters no matter how unpleasant," the Big Guy said, "Derpy's working on the mail service, but I think she'd like a break and she's still a Mailmare with Special credentials. So if you give her a diplomatic pouch, she's duty-bound not to tamper with it or let anyone else open it."

        Cadence shook her head. "Why do I always feel like I walked into the second half of a movie when I deal with you?" Cadence asked.

        "Because you haven't come up with anything new, and you feel left behind. Your colonists idea was original, and I had to play catchup with that," the Big Guy said, "But I'm used to living a life were taking thinking on two-wheels is a given, because you not only have to think ten steps ahead, but you have to figure out how to salvage one of your previous steps after it fails. All at the same time."

        Cadence stared. She was sure she was thinking, because she was aware of her eyes blinking.

        The pegasus, bless her heart, just ignored what she didn't understand when 'officers' discussed it. "So, if you knew we were spies, why discuss the plans for Molly-Be-Damned in front of us?" Forget-Me-Not asked, "If you knew we were going to report it to Equestria."

        "Because I knew you were going to report it to Equestria," the Big Guy explained, "And they wouldn't believe me if I reported it."

        Cadence reeled slightly at that.

        "Stop," the Big Guy ordered, "If you four are trying to think like me, just stop, you'll hurt yourselves. Discord and Tom are only now mastering my twists of logic and leaps of intuition. Nightmare is only now plumbing the depths of my joyous cynicism without falling into utter despair, and neither is very good at the other. Part of the basis of my friendship with them, is I'm more them than they are."

        Holly Hock raised a hoof. "Permission to go soak my head in a bucket of cold bleach. My brain needs to cool off and I need to forget what I just heard."

        "Just accept that you'll be a chef in a consulate rather than the capital," the Big Guy said, "And as an easy starting task, go look into the food situation. For some reason, they have a huge stockpile of preserved food, and they have been living off that, while they've been tending crops. I doubt they went the 'Soylent Green is Ponies' route, but what is that stuff, why is it running out and what can we do about it? And why aren't they eating the crops? Now, while I want to know the answers too, there are a huge number of Equestrian farmers who would love to know that this season more food will have a market, maybe next season they'll have competitors, and they'll appreciate knowing what that competition will be selling."

        "Whose side are you on?" Holly Hock asked. Forget-Me-Not had wandered over to a couch and was taking a nap.

        "My people's side," the Big Guy answered, "This year we need outside sources, and next year we need to avoid a trade war with our nearest neighbor." He looked over at Cadence. "That's the kind of mental gymnastics Celestia, and Woona, do all the time: what do we need now, what do we need in the future, and how can I get people to give/sell it to me because they think it's in their best interests to do so?"

        Cadence shook her head. "Why would you be helping Equestria? I thought you didn't like it. Or its ruler."

        "Disapproving of someone's job performance isn't the same as hating them, and having profound disagreements with a culture isn't the same as planning their extermination," the Big Guy said. "We may need a trading partner, but not a mother hen who doesn't understand us."

        Cadence nodded.

        "The next thing we need to discuss, since we have removed that oh so friendly door," the Big Guy said, and shook his head.

        "The one you made explode," Forget-Me-Not said from the couch, proving she was listening.

        Cadence had been there and still wanted an explanation of what the Big Guy did.

        He continued before she could ask. "That's neither here nor there," the Big Guy said, "We have access to all of Sombra's papers. And you'd better ask Celestia, WHAT THE HELL SHE WAS PLAYING AT WITH SOMBRA, WHEN HE WAS TRYING TO WARN HER ABOUT THE SCHOOMZE BEFORE HE WENT NUTS?!"

        Cadence noted that while she'd withstood the Big Guy's fury, the other three were hiding under the couch. "Not the most diplomatic phrasing."

        "I want the spies to report back how angry I am about that," he said, "Before I make sure everyone on this planet finds out it was her fault."
------------------------------

        Shining Armor didn't want to admit he'd seen this before. There are things about my career I don't talk about, he thought as he looked around Sombra's private office.

        "I would have expected torn up pictures of Celestia," Cadence said as she looked around in terror at the neatness, the almost harmonious arrangement. "It's like a story, a mural for anyone who came in here to instantly understand. The colored yarn is a nice touch." She shivered. "But it's still terrifying."

        Armor peered closely at the wax impression and hoof-stamp on one of the replies to Sombra's entreaty. Looks authentic, if ancient, he thought, 'Relinquish the throne, usurper.' This had to have been a functionary, Celestia would never be so . . . now she wouldn't be, this is over a thousand years ago. No wonder she wants to take time to carefully listen.

        "These are in chronological order?" Glory asked, practically glued to the Big Guy's hip as she looked around.

        "His letter, and her responses," the Big Guy said, "Maps of the advance. Armor take a look at this."

        Shining really didn't want to. But I need to understand the problem, he told himself as he closed in and so did Cadence. The map looked a little like a solved crossword puzzle. The words forming a series of lines over the map, without apparent rhyme or reason.

        "When it started here, it was 'King Sombra' and 'Smooze'," the Big Guy said as he pointed to a map that had many horizontal and vertical lines of text interlinked. The 'moo' of Smooze linked to a perpendicular 'King Sombra' by the o or m. Sometimes horizontal to vertical, other times vertical to horizontal.

        He indicated the next section. "When it crossed the northernmost border, it stayed 'King Sombra', but it changed to 'Shmooze'."

        Armor saw the change in pattern, and it occupied the border march of the map, exactly as the Big Guy described it.

        "Then it crossed this river, it becomes 'Schmooze' and just 'Sombra'," the Big Guy said and pointed to the criss-cross pattern.

        Armor looked at it, and shivered. Cadence nuzzled him, grinned when he looked at her.

        "There's a folder in the cabinets, about the chronology, but no notes on why that river is so important." The Big Guy gestured at the one thing that instantly changed the room from an odd piece of visual art/history to full-blown madness.

        The cabinets were heavily reinforced steel, and they looked like they'd been kicked off the edge of Canterlot to the mountain below, gouged and punctured with a horn. Are those tooth marks? Armor wondered as he looked closely at the battered cabinets that would have resisted anything but an alicorn or the Elements themselves, damaged, dented, punctured. Yes, chewed on, Armor said and shivered, To have the meticulously ordered 'story' and supporting detail, and the results of an utterly insane rage, both in the same room. Even Cadence's reassuring presence couldn't keep him from shivering again.

        "I don't think we're dealing with a rational pony here," Armor said.

        "Ya think?" the Big Guy said, "When you read what the Smooze/Shmooze/Schmooze does to people: ponies, minotaurs, dragons, etc. you start to understand why he got desperate and a bit unhinged. Sounds like the Borg crossed with ISO 9001." The Big Guy paused. "Never mind the references, it means no chaos, but no harmony either, just existing, not living. A plant in the fields would have a greater chance to actually accomplish something other than keeping itself fed."

        "Okay, this is bad," Glory said as she managed to get herself unstuck from the Big Guy, but drifted back as she looked about the room, only to catch herself and move away. "But how is it Celestia's fault?"

        The Big Guy walked back to the wall. "Look at these entries," the Big Guy said, "They went on for months, and about this point, he started getting form letters in return, which means she'd handed it off to some flunky. Worse, one without the common sense to bring the dire danger to Celestia's attention. Whether she agreed with him or not, she ensured she wasn't acting on critical intelligence. This thing will squash Equestria, if we don't stop it first."

        "What could she have done back then?" Vladimir asked, "If that movie about it is accurate, she'd had to have combined all the heavy magic users of the time: Tirek, Discord, herself and Luna, and that still might not have had any effect. As bad as it sounds, what happened was the best thing to happen. The whole thing got sealed until we had people who could solve it." Vladimir gestured at the assembled group. "This time, the 'Evil Sealed in a Can' gets to see a stronger force, rather than a weaker one."

        The others glanced around at each other.

        Vladimir waved a hoof at the walls. "I could have done the same, recorded every slight and jab from her, and not done my job of being an adequate soldier and truth speaker. He didn't, he should have quit trying to deal with Equestria and informed the Griffons, the Dragon and the other advanced races of Equestria. Instead, he had a temper tantrum, failed changing himself into an alicorn and went completely mad."

        Vladimir looked around. "Let's get out of this mausoleum." He stared pointedly at the Big Guy. "It's making all of us crazy." He looked away. "-er."

        "Oh ha, ha," the Big Guy said but left as the rest of the group left.

        They trooped out of the room, up the stairs to the former throne room, not a small museum and viewing platform. The Crystal Ponies there just saluted and went on with their sightseeing and peering with amazement at the extent of the view.

        Armor sighed at that. We can't convince them we aren't lords, and that once they hold elections, their people will be in charge, he thought.

        "As much as I hate to admit it," Shining said, "Discord's enforced vacation was a good idea. A day off just running around playing was what all of us needed, and what none of us would ever allow ourselves or each other." He looked over his shoulder at the others "We're too used to having problems to solve. A day off is beyond our comprehension."

        "True or not," the Big Guy said, "We are still going to have to deal with that thing up north, unless we know it's going to give us enough time to deal with our 'other' problem."

        Molly Dee's lair, Armor translated, We've got the troops, but we've got to completely obliterate the place. Capturing her and her thralls will still leave a huge problem of something 'stored' there getting loose.

        "Short of a sunburst," the Big Guy said, "I don't see a simple solution."

        "What about those plant dragons? They seem friendly enough," Glory asked.

        "Derpy's working with them to take mail to Vanhoover to get it into the Equestrian mail system," the Big Guy said, "So, another problem solver. As for your question, even their fire isn't hot enough to cleanse that place. Remember, I was on the inside of Sombra's little trap. Only Selene's, Luna's and Celly's blast penetrated both sides. The dragons cause spalling, but they didn't penetrate."

        "Like when Auntie Celestia and Luna dealt with the plant monster in the Everfree," Cadence said, "We need to rain fire down on the place until it's burnt out like an infection."

        "Short of a very dangerous kind of weapon," the Big Guy said, "How do we generate that kind of heat? Throwing the kid in the locomotive's fire chest doesn't sound very humane, and she doesn't have the output. We need to heat the whole complex up to incandescence. Not nice, but otherwise we'll see her again."

        "Or one of her experiments," Armor said and nodded, "They may be worse. At least she is rational."

        "For a certain level of rational," Vladimir agreed, "But it's clear that she's the one who put that very clever plant trap near the Castle of the Pony Sisters, before Celestia abandoned it. Although I wonder if Discord's Plunder Vines suppressed it, until Celestia vacated the area."

        "Why would he . . . ?" Glory began, then noticed the thoughtful looks on all the others, "He, and Princess Celestia?" Glory whispered.

        "More like wishing, but yes," the Big Guy said, "He is quite taken with her."

        "How?" Glory asked, "Why?"

        "As an ancient philosopher once opined, 'She fills gaps, she's got gaps, I got gaps, together we fill gaps.'," the Big Guy said, "It isn't so much that he's the one person not the least bit intimidated by her, but he also has learned from Prince Blueblood, that everyone, no matter how high and mighty and seemingly wise, needs someone to tell him the truth, no matter how much it hurts. Discord already knows the truth can hurt, but he's also learning that the truth can stretch the mind, like a good tonic and exercise."

        "Well, as a truth speaker," Vladimir said, "You need to take Derpy, Dinky, Luna and Selene off for a while and be a family. Recent events are pushing you to what we call sunstroke, and it seems even you aren't immune."

        The Big Guy frowned. Most of his injuries had been minor, but there had been a lot of them. "And if Molly D attacks?"

        "We'll have guards around you, and guards watching for her. She's not the real problem, cleansing her base is," Vladimir said, "We can eat most of her minions, but not her base."

        He frowned again, but saw all the ponies had collected under Vladimir's banner on this one. "Fine, a couple days off. But getting Luna and Derpy to agree will be the hard part." Then he facepalmed. "You discussed it with them before you brought it up with me."

        "Actually Derpy brought it up and asked for our help. 'Mass our forces and outflank the main defenses', Dinky suggested," Armor said.

        "She's getting too clever by half," the Big Guy said.

        "Take after her father," Vladimir said as the others chuckled.
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        Derpy looked herself over, then nearly facehoofed. Why do I do his to myself all the time? she asked, 'Am I a pretty enough pony to attract his eye?' But he's not interested in ponies that way. Ponies are for cuddling in his view, and I'm plenty good at cuddling. Satisfied, she trotted out among the group, and smiled at all her friends. Luna's the only one as nervous as am, Derpy thought, Celly isn't, but she's got Celestia's looks, which don't really help here. Derpy smirked at how ridiculous it all seemed.

        The Big Guy walked in, looked at all the assembled mares, and seemed almost ready to back up, when Nightmare and her wolf-friend put their heads against his butt and pushed him deeper into the room.

        "I'm going, I'm going," he complained, but Nightmare didn't stop until he was at the central floor pad. He looked at the collection, and glared at Nightmare, who replied with a doggy laugh. "What's all this in aid of?" he asked.

        "We saw your expression while you fought the door," Celly said, "And your expression when it, well, melted." Celly shivered, remembering the absolute fury and hatred of his grimace.

        Derpy hovered up and began unbuttoning his shirt. "We're worried about you," she said and stroked his bare chest with a gentle hoof, "And we have a way that's always made you feel better, more relaxed."

        "Not that," Trixie said as she approached, she lit her horn and lowered the Big Guy to a sitting position. "Just making you feel safe, surrounded by friends and protectors. We can look after you."

        The Big Guy frowned, like he always did when others tried to look after him. Derpy was patient. He's going to give in, she thought, But he has to settle the thought in his mind. She settled next to him and snuggled against him. Dinky laid down on his feet. The Big Guy frowned again, but let the mares 'win' as he laid down and let them snuggle against him, making a 'blanket' of extended wings.
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        Celestia looked over the mud brown, gray-maned Earth pony she'd become, and the similarly colored, earth pony stallion ahead of her. "Discord, change us back," she hissed.

        "Oh come now," Discord said, "You want to get with ordinary ponies, this is the best way." He turned back to face her. "The castle's right over there. If you can convince the guards, you can be back in your own bed in under an hour."

        "Stuck as an earth pony," Celestia said.

        "I'm not completely cruel, the first light of day will dispel the spell, and Woona can prove just how much two alicorns are needed," Discord said and continued walking, "Just like you proved to Luna."

        Celestia growled and trotted after him. The tavern they entered was distinctly working class. Most of the patrons stared at the pair entering and kept a subdued air as they watched the pair. Celestia's comforting words died in her throat as the obvious displeasure radiating from every eye.

        "Cider," Discord-pony said to the bartender.

        The old stallion put a pair of mugs on the counter, and poured a measure in each mug. Discord put some bits down and drank his down. Celestia collected hers and drifted after Discord, who was heading towards a pool table in the corner of the tavern. Since no one was using it, he chalked a cue and racked the balls up for a game. A few of the regulars drifted over to watch. When Discord managed to knock a ball off the corner of the triangle and sink it, the others began murmuring.

        Celestia had heard a few mutters about 'fleecing them', she now heard comments about 'pair a' sharks'. Discord continued sinking balls, not using his powers, except passively, giving himself the skill and reflexes to play superbly. But after sinking six balls, one just hovered on the rim of the pocket. Discord handed Celestia the cue and stepped back to watch.

        Celestia was out of practice, it wasn't a game of the Canterlot elites after all. She managed to sink the ball Discord had left hanging, and position the cue ball to possibly sink another. She managed to get that one, and the next, but missed the fourth.

        Discord took back the cue, ran the table, then racked the balls up again. No one challenged him, so he handed Celestia the cue and stepped back.

        While I hate why I'm here, she thought, I'm here. Just play along.

        Initially Discord won most of the games, but never by a wide margin. As Celestia relearned the subtleties of the game, she began challenging him. He occasionally ordered more cider, and the usual patrons watched the pair of newcomers expertly play the game.

        It was just before midnight when Discord called a halt. "Sorry, mares and gents, but I've got work tomorrow."

        The crowd parted to let them out, and the pair were soon trotting through the cool night air. Woona had outdone herself on the skies and Celestia wanted to simply stand and watch them, but she also wanted to follow Discord. "What was that all for?" she asked.

        "Simple, you don't know how to make friends, so I'm going to show you. Those ponies wanted us gone when we walked in, but just by being interesting, they decided they'd rather have us around than not. They aren't going to seek us out, yet. But I'll bet you that tomorrow, they'll get out of our way as we head to the pool table, and the bartender will bring a couple ciders to the table."

        Celestia sighed at his audacity. "What do you get if you win?"

        "I get to watch you make friends, while I win," Discord said, "So it's a positive sum game, we can both win, or we can both lose, there's no instance where I win and you don't."

        Celestia growled, but he walked on, and someone had to keep an eye on him. She changed back to her normal form just before they came in sight of the main gate.

        "There you go," Discord, also back in his normal form, said, "Safe and sound. Now, I have other people to annoy." He vanished and Celestia was left with the awful feeling he was going to do it again tomorrow night.

        And there's nothing I can do to stop him, she thought as she trotted up to the guards, and had to deal with their stunned amazement that she was walking in.
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