//------------------------------// // Chapter 5 // Story: Seven Girls, Nine Hundred Forty Three Miles, and One Minivan. // by Tumbleweed //------------------------------// Discord cackled, as was his nature. He took off the sunglasses and moustache and threw them over his shoulder, where they exploded once they hit the wet asphalt. The rain suddenly stopped, disappearing along with the rest of Discord's police uniform. “You should see the look on your faces!” He wiped a tear from the corner of his eye, and clutched at his sides as he laughed and laughed. “What is that thing?” Twilight Sparkle said once she could keep her jaw from hanging open. “That,” Sunset gritted her teeth. “Is Discord. He's a chaos-mad trickster god from Equestria.” “You wound me!” An arrow flew out of nowhere and struck Discord in the chest. He flopped down out of view, and then popped up on the other side of the van, sticking his long neck in through Sunset's window. “I'm a reformed chaos-mad trickster god from Equestria!” “Reformed?” Twilight blurted. “You don't remember?” “Should I?” Twilight said. “Nobody ever forgets me.” Discord's voice dropped to a more menacing timbre. He leaned in, close enough for his goat-beard to tickle Twilight's chin. “Unless … “ Discord's skull went temporarily transparent, showing a steadily turning set of gears inside. “Oh. So that's it. I should have known! New dimension, new people. Or, rather, new incarnations of old people. Or … well, I'm sure you get the gist of it, don't you, my dear Twilight?” “I'm still trying to get the hang of it.” “Honestly, I can only blame myself. I got so caught up in looking at your inner aura, I forgot to pay attention to your physical form! That happens sometimes with us higher life forms, you know. How do you like being bipedal? Just having the two feet can be bit … wobbly.” Discord's entire body rippled, as if it were suddenly a liquid, only to solidify a second later. “But I must say, you've got a wonderful set of thumbs.” Discord pinched Twilight's hand between his fingers, all the better to examine her opposable digits. “Thanks?” Twilight said, for lack of anything better. “Stay away from her.” Sunset Shimmer said, and narrowed her eyes. “Or what?” Discord swung his gaze over to Sunset Shimmer, and blinked a few times. “Hold on. You're new.” He snaked out the window, and then popped up in the rear seat, at which point he started counting off on his fingers (adding new digits as needed). “Kindness, Laughter, Honesty, Loyalty, Generosity, and Magic makes it all complete--” Discord teleported in a flash of light to stand beside Sunset's window again. “And seeing as of how you're all too tall for dwarves, and too nice to be samurai, I dare say seven is just one too many. You're dead weight, dear.” “My name is Sunset Shimmer.” She unbuckled her seatbelt and pushed the door open to point an accusing finger at Discord. “And I'm not going to let you hurt my friends, or this planet!” The other girls piled out of the van to stand resolutely behind their friend, glaring down the chaos god. “Hurt you?” Discord said, and affected innocence. “Why would I do that? I'm on vacation.” Sunset Shimmer blinked. “Vacation?” “Of course! Everyone deserves to travel a bit every now and again! Though I will admit, from what I've seen so far, I'm not terribly impressed. Barely any magic, and your civilization hasn't invented any of the really fun toys yet. I swear, I don't know what Bill sees in dimensions like these.” “Who's Bill?” Twilight Sparkle's curiosity overrode her fear and confusion. “Better off you didn't know.” Discord said, frowning. "But as a tip? Never go to Oregon." “If it's so boring here, why don't you just leave?” Sunset Shimmer said. “I was just about to, when I happened to see my best friends driving down the road! Or, well, the cross-dimensional incarnations of my best friends.” Discord's voice grew a little flatter, annoyed. “And you.” Discord lashed his tail, impatiently. “Now would you lot stop glaring at me like you're about to do something flashy and rainbow colored and otherwise unpleasant? I've figured out it's a lot easier to just skip that step, honestly. Not that you've got elements of harmony in this world, but, well, I'm sure you'd think of something. You do-gooders are annoyingly resourceful like that.” “So what do you want?” Sunset said. “I told you! It's spring break! I'm just here to soak up some sun, see the sights, you know how it is.” Discord lounged back on a hammock that had appeared out of nowhere, somehow dangling in midair despite the lack of a tree on either end. “Nothing banishment worthy, I assure you.” “I don't believe you.” “Yes. Well. I admire your paranoia,” said Discord. “Tell you what. I'll make you a deal.” “I don't like it already.” Sunset growled. “Oh, please, just because you've got a leather jacket doesn't mean you have to pretend to be so tough. I assure you, I'm not here to muck around with the fabric of reality or any such thing. All I want to do is play tourist, that's all. So! All I ask is for two days. Even if this world doesn't have quite as much excitement as I'm used to, there's still a lot of it I'd like to see. Surely, at least some of you have the kindness--” Discord smiled at Fluttershy, “to appreciate an adventurous--” Discord winked at Rainbow Dash, “and ultimately curious creature such as myself?” He turned his attention to Twilight. “I dunno.” Applejack said from the rear of the group. “Two days seems like plenty enough time for a feller like him to cause a ruckus.” “Then I'd better have a chaperone, no?” Discord said. “Which is why I'm inviting the lot of you to come along with me! Tell you what, I'll even keep a low profile!” Discord snapped his fingers again, and disappeared in a flash of light. The serpentine chimera-monstrosity disappeared, replaced by a tall, white-bearded man in a garish, patchworked suit. Only the mad look in his eye remained unchanged. “Ta-daaaaa.” Discord said as he did jazz hands. “If I get out of hand, all you have to do is hold hands and click your heels or whatever your saccharine magic requires, and you can blast me back to my home dimension, never to return. Now what do you say, ladies? Two days isn't that long now, is it? We can be friends, or we can antagonize each other. Wouldn't you like to take the easy way?” “...can we have a minute?” Sunset Shimmer said, and looked back to her friends. “We need to talk.” “Sure, sure. Take all the time you need.” Discord rummaged a pocketwatch out of his jacket and flicked it open. “I can wait.” Sunset walked to the back of the van, and waved the other girls into a heads-together huddle. “What do you think?” said Sunset. “Plaid and pinstripes?” Rarity murmured. “We were better off with the monster.” Applejack glared. “That's what you're worried about, Rarity?” “It's a valid point!” Rarity said. “The clothes make the man, as they say. Or … well, otherdimensional chaos god, in this case.” “What was he saying earlier about a friendship laser? That sounded kinda cool.” Rainbow Dash said. “We'll … keep that as a backup plan.” Sunset said. “Twilight, how long do you think it would take to build another magic absorber?” “I … I don't know.” Twilight said. “I didn't bring any tools with me … I might be able to cobble something together in a few hours, if we weren't out in the middle of nowhere?“ “Maybe we should give him a chance?” Fluttershy murmured. “Technically, he hasn't done anything wrong yet, has he? He just pulled a little prank on us, that's all.” “It was pretty funny.” Pinkie Pie noted with a giggle. “I don't like it.” Applejack grumbled. “But I'm afraid we ain't got a choice, unless Sunset or Twilight can do somethin' all glowy.” Five sets of eyes turned towards Sunset and Twilight. Twilight just blinked, doe-eyed under the scrutiny. Sunset shrugged, and closed her eyes, focusing her will to bring forth a wave of righteous magic … and nothing happened. “Um.” Twilight said. “What if friendship magic is context dependent? In pretty much every case I've documented, the inherent magic took place … well, when it was needed. It's not like a switch, or even a gun we can just point and shoot.” “Twilight's right.” Sunset said. “I'm afraid we don't have any other choice. We plan for the worst … but for now, all we can do is keep an eye on him and play damage control. So stay on your toes, girls. Agreed?” The rest of the crew nodded. “Okay.” Sunset broke the huddle, and walked back to Discord. She put an extra-confident swagger in her step, “Two days, and then you leave this world?” “And I'll even refrain from mucking about with the fundemental building blocks of your reality.” Discord laid a hand over his heart. “Alright. On one condition.” Sunset Shimmer said. “And what's that?” “No teleporting. I know what you're capable of, and the last thing we need is to give you two days to zap across the planet, wreaking havoc.” “Fine, fine. No teleporting, no wreaking, whatever you want.” Sunset Shimmer mulled it over for a moment, and then finally thrust her hand out. “Deal.” “Oh! Thank you, thank you!” Discord shook Sunset's hand hard enough to make her teeth chatter. “You won't regret this!” “I'd better not.” “Now then!” Discord danced over to the still-open passenger door of the van, and pulled a map out of the glovebox. “Now then. There are only so many options when teleportation is out of the question. Physical travel is so quaint. Where to go, where to go … ah! Here we are!” Discord flipped the map around and pointed. “As luck would have it, Las Pegasus is only a short drive to the northwest! How convenient!” Sunset narrowed her eyes. “And … how exactly are you going to get there?” “Why, I thought we'd go together!” Discord said, grinning. “Unless you'd rather leave me to my own devices … “ Sunset winced, and headed for the door. “I'll drive.” “Shotgun!” said Discord, with no small amount of glee. “Oh come on!” said Rainbow Dash.