The crowd had gathered on the hill overlooking Ponyville. The sun was shining and a gentle breeze rustled the grass.
Bible nervously adjusted his white cleric collar. This was his first funeral, he was in charge of ceremonies, and this was one event in particular that he very much did not want to screw up.
He cleared his throat. “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the life and death of Plymouth A. Valiant.”
A couple members of the crowd nodded when he said “death.” A celebration was a celebration, whether it was about the deceased’s life - or lack thereof.
The casket was closed because the mutilated mess inside stank.
Bible looked over the crowd. The Bearers of the Elements of Harmony were all there. He thought it a strange name for them considering they didn’t actually have the Elements anymore, but it was at least something to call them.
Sir Win was in the back, as far from Bible as he could get, but still present to pay his respects.
Sunset Shimmer, Trixie, and Cordoba occupied the front row. Sunset was crying soundlessly. It seemed like she had been doing that pretty much ever since Valiant had left them.
Well, technically Heaven and Hell and magic and walnut allergies had needed to team up to rip him out of reality, but in the end he was still departed.
“Would anypony like to say something? A memory? A story?” Bible asked.
Cordoba raised a hoof. Bible stepped back from the podium as she approached to let her speak.
“I remember the last thing he ever said to me.” She paused. “It was, ‘Hey Cordoba! Come castrate this fool.’”
Sunset cried harder.
Cordoba sat down.
“Anypony else?” Bible asked.
Rainbow came up. She stood at the podium for a moment, deciding what to say. “I never liked Valiant.”
That was it. She sat down.
Sunset had stopped crying now. Her eyes were red, but still more than capable of glaring at Rainbow.
He may have been a former book, but Bible knew potentially homicidal tension when he saw it. Quickly, he said, “Any more?”
Tin Mare flashed her navigation lights. She occupied the space behind the crowd and did not bother to come to the front. “I assess that there will never be anyone like Valiant again. He was unique.”
Factual. Non-inflammatory. Good for you, Tin Mare.
A few mysterious ponies hovered at the periphery. No one knew quite who they were, but they weren’t causing trouble. For various reasons, the event had not been been publicized. Very few invitations had been sent. The last thing any of them needed was a media circus.
Valiant’s death had sent shockwaves through Equestria, although at first glance the effects were not immediately apparent. In the deepest, darkest corners of realpolitik, minds had awoken to the power vacuum that had suddenly appeared in Equestria. Valiant may not have been the leader of the country, but he commanded so much influence that someone had to fill the hole he left behind. Most ponies thought the Princesses would. A few, however, had ambitions on it for themselves.
Don’t worry about them. Yet.
The funeral seemed to be winding down. The guests began to disperse. Just then, Owlowiscious flew up, carrying a letter for Twilight.
She unwrapped the scroll. As Twilight read, she frowned. “Shining Armor says he urgently needs to see us.”
“What’s it about?” Applejack asked. Her voice pitched deeper than it used to. It wasn’t because of steroids or anything else, it was simply because her muscles were so dense that her harmonic had changed.
“He didn’t say, just that it’s secret and I can only bring my friends to Silent Hill.”
“Shame,” said Maud Pie, who had been hanging out with Rarity. “I wouldn’t mind seeing the Crystal Empire on the way.”
“Wasn’t the Crystal Empire destroyed?” said Fluttershy. She was secretly pleased, however. Twilight only being able to bring her friends would give Fluttershy an excuse to ditch her slaves for a while.
“That could be why he wants us to meet in Silent Hill,” said Twilight.
“Maybe it’s a grand reopening party?” Pinkie speculated. “I haven’t done one of those in ages. And now that the yaks are all dead, now seems like the time.”
“Something tells me probably not,” said Twilight. “At any rate, we should probably be going soon.”
“How are we going to get there?” Applejack asked. “The train doesn’t go to the Crystal Empire anymore.”
“And we can’t use Tin Mare if it’s supposed to be just us,” Twilight added. “This might take a while.”
“Why can’t we just swear her to secrecy?” said Rainbow. “If she’s a robot, she has to obey.”
“Remember, she’s one of Valiant’s,” Applejack muttered. “Besides, she can’t really lie or deceive anypony. It ain’t in her programin.’ Braeburn said he was workin’ on that, though.”
Rainbow laughed. “Yeah, I think we know what he’s really working on.”
“Who’s married to a pony that has sex with a dragon?” Applejack snarked.
“Are you kidding? The bed – and I – wouldn’t survive,” said Guinness, arriving just then. He wore a black tie for the occasion.
“We’re going to go do a secret mission,” said Rainbow. “You’ll have to stay at home and watch the kid.”
“Watch the…” Guinness’ eyes popped open wide. “Oh my God! We’ve left Skyla with the Cakes this whole time!”
You're welcome
They had all begun ignoring the Valiant Voice from the sky. It only happened when Guinness slipped and mentioned God.
“You didn’t notice Skyla was gone?!” Rainbow shouted at him.
“You didn’t?!”
“Um, yeah, we should get going,” said Twilight. “To a place where we don’t have to worry about babies.”
She and the other five went to the train station to buy tickets for the closest station to the Crystal Empire.
Meanwhile, it seemed Sunset had finally gotten her closure. She wasn’t openly weeping any longer, and while she wasn’t quite herself again, it seemed that she had regained functionality.
“What do you want to do?” Trixie asked, indicating the departing six.
Sunset tapped her earpiece. “Tin Mare? Follow them. Discreetly.”
“Yes ma’am.”
While she was no longer her sophisticated jet self, Tin Mare did possess limited eavesdropping capability. It was no global satellite network, but it would do. That reminded Sunset, she needed to rebuild the uplink/downlink capability. Maybe Canterlot already had. There might be a fight for control in space.
Putting star wars aside, Sunset knew she had to take things one step at a time. It seemed like for the first time in a long time, she was back in control. Their little team was down a member now, but that still left more than enough to keep up.
Tin Mare orbited at altitude, cameras and microphones trained at her targets. Ducking from cloud to cloud and using deceptive lighting, she maintained stealthy surveillance.
“Someone needs to operate the control station,” said Sunset.
Trixie nodded. It almost felt like things were back to normal. She wanted Sunset to feel that way.
Meanwhile, Trixie had a few other things to do. While Sunset was busy, it was finally time to do a little cleaning. She sighed. Not that she relished the job, but it needed to be done.
The stuff Valiant had left behind was scattered, especially after Ponyville had been invaded by the cutiemarkless army. Trixie faced the task of sorting them for things to keep and things to toss.
There was precious little paperwork. Valiant had never been one for writing. But inside what appeared to be a leather-bound journal, Trixie found something she had never seen before.
It read:
Columbia
Best. Idea. Ever.
There was no explanation.
Trixie frowned. It was a strange word. She was sure she’d never heard it before. Perhaps it was from the human world? Would Sunset know it? Was it in Tin Mare’s memory banks?
The door opened and Trixie glanced up. Daring Do stood there, looking far more meek than she usually did.
“Where have you been?” Trixie demanded. “Just when I needed you, right when Equestria was falling apart and my dad passing away, you disappear.”
“I, uh…” For being a confident, well-educated writer, Daring was not often at a loss for words. “Did you know that our relationship is the longest I’ve ever been with anypony?”
“What’s that got to do with anything?” Trixie asked, though she hoped the answer she had in mind was wrong.
“I thought it was time to move on. You know I can’t sit still when adventure awaits.” Daring sighed. “But I realized how much I missed you.”
“That’s not really an excuse. If you really felt that way, you wouldn’t have hurt me.”
“Well, fine princess, if you’re so entitled, that you think you can just take what you want.”
“Like your ass?”
There was a moment of silence between them, and then they both leaped forward, meeting in the center of the floor, kissing hard.
“Is that an old book of clues that will lead us to a treasure?” Daring said between smooches, eyeing the journal.
“Maybe. But we can talk about that later,” Trixie moaned in return. “HLAS now.”
The A stood for Angry.
Some time later, when the two of them were finished, and now on much better terms, Daring again turned to the journal. “What is it?”
“It was my dad’s,” said Trixie. “I’m trying to figure out what this means.”
There was a sparkle in Daring’s eyes. “Yeah, this totally sounds like the beginning of a treasure hunt. We’ve got to do it. Not that either of us need the money, but I can see it being a best seller.”
“What are you going to do if someone eventually makes it public that you aren’t a writer of fiction?” Trixie chided.
Daring shrugged. “I’ve got an exit strategy for everything. I’ll take the money and run.”
“Disburse and disperse, nice.” Trixie looked at the book again. “Hopefully that won’t come for a long time. For now, I know just where to start with this.” They took the book and went to find Sunset.
“Columbia sounds familiar,” said Sunset. “Maybe a place on Valiant’s planet Maybe something else.”
“Sounds like we’ll have to mount an expedition,” said Trixie.
“From what I heard, didn’t he destroy the means?” said Daring.
“All we have to do is give Twilight a good reason to go to Earth and she’ll figure it out.”
“Good plan. Except for the part about convincing Twilight to visit Valiant’s home planet.”
Speaking of Twilight, her voice came over the speaker in front of Sunset, transmitted from Tin Mare’s sensors. “We’re almost there, girls. At least this place still seems to have okay weather despite being reduced to ruins.”
With her, the girls agreed. The place was wrecked, but at least it wasn’t cold.
They made it to the castle and met Shining Armor there. His eyes were bloodshot and his mane was messy.
“What’s so important that we had to come here?” Twilight asked.
“The baby’s gotten to be too much to handle,” said Shining.
Twilight paused before asking, “What baby?”
“Oh, right,” said Shining. “So, this is awkward, but we’ve been lying to you this whole time. Valiant took our baby, but Cadance had twins.”
Twilight’s jaw dropped. “I don’t even know what to say.”
Remember when Twilight said, Um, yeah, we should get going, to a place where we don’t have to worry about babies? Joke's on her.
“Uh, not to exacerbate the situation, dear, but what’s that light poking holes in the castle walls?” Rarity asked.
“If Shining had only exasterbated, we wouldn’t be in this situation,” Pinkie pointed out.
Ignoring Pinkie, Shining answered Rarity’s question. “That’s the baby. The reason I’m telling you this now is because her magic is getting out of control and we need help.”
“Wait, I’m still trying to wrap my head around this. You had twins?” Twilight said. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Cadance and I are already pony non grata around Equestria due to losing the Empire and our titles. Why do you think we’ve been going around in cloaks? But on top of that, you can see the baby’s not normal.” Shining gestured to the ongoing magic show. “But you have to see it to believe it.”
He escorted them inside. Cadance was attempting to wrangle a young filly who seemed to be enjoying the destruction of the castle.
“An alicorn?” Twilight shouted. “How did you have a natural-born alicorn? How does that even happen? Wings have to be earned!”
“I think you’re just angry that Cadance got hers younger than you got yours, even though you don’t have them anymore,” said Rainbow.
“Forgetting what the earth ponies or the pegasi would have to earn to become an alicorn, you racist,” added Pinkie.
“Um, why does that baby look like Starlight Glimmer?” said Applejack. “Pink body, purple mane with a teal stripe…”
“Believe me, we noticed,” said Shining. “But there can’t be a connection. Flurry Heart was born before all that.”
“Flurry Heart?” said Rainbow. She snorted. “What, is she the princess of snow?”
“Wait, wasn’t Starlight good at time travel?” Applejack said.
“But alicorn,” Pinkie pointed out.
“Well, clearly being an alicorn doesn’t mean anything,” said Rainbow. “Valiant was one.”
“Good point,” Twilight quickly agreed. Let’s talk about something else. Like how we’re going to get little Flurry here to control her magic.”
While they talked, a small group of ponies were making their way towards the castle. Tin Mare dutifully reported them back to base.
“Who could that be?” Trixie asked, looking at the feed from Tin Mare’s camera.
In the few minutes it had taken for those in the Crystal Empire to learn about the new baby – something that those back at base had already known about, of course – Cordoba had arrived with a travel mug.
Looking at the unknown infiltrators, Cordoba frowned. “They look like doctors.”
They could have just been wearing white coats to blend in with the snow. But she was right, they did look like doctors.
“The weather appears to be suddenly getting worse,” Tin Mare noted. “Perhaps the magic of the Crystal Heart that holds it at bay has been changed.”
“Maintain eyes on the contacts,” Sunset ordered.
The clouds got thicker and closed over the Crystal Empire, completely hiding it from view and kicking up a snowstorm that would have been cataclysmic anywhere else.
Tin Mare didn’t give a shit. She dove in.