Inside Planet Express's Meeting Room, Bender, Fry, Derpy, and Leela sat around the table. Nothing was exciting; Bender has a bottle of Löbrau, Fry drank a can of Slurm (though he wasn't wearing his jacket), and Leela scratched behind Derpy's ear. Though everyone didn't see, Derpy was still wondering about that stallion; why was he like that? Why did she suddenly have feeling for him? When will they meet again? All of this stopped when Farnsworth entered with a large crate on a hover trolley.
"Good news, everyone." He announced "We've got a very special delivery today."
"Who's it going to?" Fry asked
"Me." Bender dusts off his hands.
"Another job well done." he spoke
"No, I need it shipped to my office at Mars University. It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize."
"In what field?" Leela asked
"I don't care, they all pay the same." Derpy flapped her wings and hovered near the box
"Is it dangerous?" the filly asked
"Oh, my, no." Derpy landed onto the box and the thing inside starts growling, shaking the box. Derpy flew and hid behind Leela. Farnsworth pulled a tranquilizer gun and loaded a tranquilizer dart into it. He pokes the gun through a hole in the crate and shoots whatever is inside. It whimpers, the shaking, and the growling stops. "Off we go!"
The ship flew over and landed in an empty space of Mars University's Campus. Farnsworth took Fry, Leela, Derpy, and Bender on a tour of the university grounds. They walked past a statue of a big-skulled Martian with octopus-like tentacles wielding a laser gun on horseback.
"Very impressive." Fry commented "Back in the 20th century we had no idea there was a university on Mars."
"Well, in those days Mars was just a dreary, uninhabitable wasteland, uh, much like Utah." Farnsworth replied "But unlike Utah, it was eventually made livable, when the university was founded in 2636.
"They planted traditional college foliage," Leela added "ivy, trees, hemp. Soon the whole planet was terraformed."
"Does that mean it's safe to breathe the air?" Fry asked
"Of course." Derpy replied "Idiot." Fry took some huge breaths.
They stood outside a building called "Wong Library". The building is quite big, with "Socrates | Vos Savant | Cognitron" written across the top.
"Over here is Wong Library." Farnsworth spoke "It has the largest collection of literature in the Western Universe." Both Fry and Derpy peek through the glass. The building is empty inside, save for a single table in the middle of the room with two discs labelled "Fiction" and "Non-Fiction" propped up on it. Both whistle, impressed.
"Hey, look!" Bender pointed to a beaten up frat house with a neon 'ERR' sign atop it. All around, there's a smashed-up car, some kegs, a cable spool being used as a table, some dustbins, and some upturned chairs "There's a chapter of my old robot fraternity, Epsilon Rho Rho.
"You went to college?" Derpy asked
"Of course. I'm a bender, I went to Bending College. I majored in Bending."
"What was your minor?" Fry asked
"Robo-American Studies." They walked and stood outside Epsilon Rho Rho House. Bender knocked on the door and a dorky fratbot answered it.
"Are you here to fumigate the moose head?" The robot asked
"Uh, no, actually I'm an Epsilon from way back." They both did a crazy handshake full of tugs, whizzes and the creation of cosmic clouds.
"Eh, close enough. C'mon in."
"Thanks. Here's your finger back." The fratbot takes it and everyone followed. "All the coolest robots are in this fraternity." Inside, the place was a mess, and in another room, two other fratbots sit at a table with a chessboard. The room is also a mess, littered with empty pizza boxes, cans and books. A sock hangs over the moose head and there is a dartboard hanging on a door with darts jabbed in the wall around it. There is a pin-up of a Fembot and a Löbrau poster with a human woman on it on another wall. One of the other fratbots looks like he has glasses painted onto his face and the other one is very fat. Both were at a chessboard, though the game hasn't begun
"Mate in 143 moves." The glasses one spoke
"Oh, pooh!" The fat one spoke "You win again!"
"Uh-oh, nerds!" Derpy and Bender gasped
"Allow me to introduce myself." The door greeter spoke "I'm Gearshift, chapter president. This is Oily, and this here is Fat-bot."
"You're all losers." Bender spoke "My name's Bender." The fratbots gasp.
"Bender from Bending State Bender?" Oily asked "Wow, you're a legend around here!"
"I heard that in one single night you drank a whole keg, streaked across campus and crammed 58 humans into a phone booth." Fat-bot added.
"Yeah, well, a lot of 'em were children." Bender replied modestly "Anyway I should get going."
"No, Bender, wait!" Gearshift spoke. "We're the lamest frat on campus. Even Hillel has better parties than us. Please, you've gotta stay and teach us how to be cool.
"Hmm, OK. But I'll need 10 kegs of beer, a continuous tape of Louie Louie and a regulation two-storey panty-raid ladder.
"Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!" Fat-Bot spoke, wiggling his fingers in excitement.
"Ooh! That sounds cool!" Derpy spoke excitedly, then had a curious look. She turned to Leela. "What's a Panty raid?" Leela picked Derpy up.
"Something immature boys do." she replied "Now come on, this is a robot thing, not a living thing." They left Bender with the Fratbots. Derpy turned and waved to Bender before leaving.
"Bye, Uncle Bender!"
On the University Campus, Fry, Leela, Derpy, and Farnsworth continued the tour.
"I tell you, being here really takes me back to my college days." Fry spoke "Good old Coney Island College! Go, Whitefish!"
"Don't take this the wrong way, Fry, but you don't seem like the educated type." Leela replied"
"Oh, yeah?" He took a piece of paper out of his pocket with 'Notice of Failure to Graduate' written on it, with the CICC logo as a Ferris wheel. "Read it and weep. I'm a certified college dropout." Derpy facehoofed herself
"Please! Everyone knows 20th century colleges were basically expensive daycare centers."
"That's true." Farnsworth added "By current academic standards, you're merely a high school dropout."
"What!?" Fry asked "That's not fair. I deserve the same respect any other college dropout gets. By God, I'm gonna enroll here at Mars University and drop out all over again!"
"You won't last two weeks." Derpy replied
"Aww, thanks for believing in me." Fry ruffled her mane.
For the whole day, Derpy sticked with Leela. She had heard about Fry attending Farnsworth's class, something he made up so no student would take it, and she saw Bender with the other Fratbots running away from some snooty men. But, they both followed Fry to his room, located in the 'Financial Aid Dorm'.
"Hey, pretty nice for a single." Fry spoke, examining his room. "Two desks, two chairs, a couple of beds." A knock came to the door. "A woodpecker."
"I think that's your roommate." Derpy spoke
"Oh, right, cool. C'mon in, roomie!" He opens the door but there is no one there. He looks down and sees a monkey wearing a bowler hat and carrying two cases. "What the-?"
"I call top bunk!" The monkey spoke. It climbed over Fry onto the top bunk. Fry spits and the monkey sighs as it sat on it's bed. Derpy stared in awkwardness as the monkey hums, emptying it's case. It takes out a toothbrush and toothpaste, a hairbrush and a hairdryer.
"My roommate's a monkey?"
"Brilliant deduction, you're a credit to your species." Farnsworth entered, pushing the empty crate.
"Ah, Fry, I see you've met Guenter!" He spoke
"You know each other?" Fry asked
"Guenter is my experiment. He was the top secret contents of this stinking crate."
"I'd rather live in a crate than share a room with this dork." Guenter spoke. Derpy flapped her wings and pointed to the empty crate.
"Be my guest!" she spoke.
"So what makes Guenter talk?" Leela asked
"Is he genetically engineered?" Fry added. Derpy landed near Guenter and poked his fur.
"Is he a fuzzy midget?" she asked
"Oh, please!" Farnsworth replied "That's preposterous science-fiction mumbo-jumbo, and that's too funny! Guenter's intelligence actually lies in his electronium hat, which harnesses the power of sunspots to produce cognitive radiation." Both Fry and Derpy scratch their heads in confusion. Guenter scoffed.
"You're wasting your breath, Professor." He spoke "They'll never understand a word of it."
"...I'm a kid, jackass." Derpy replied.
"And I understand the word "hat"!" Fry replied, reaching for Guenter's hat.
"Please, stop bickering!" Farnsworth shouted "I arranged that you be roommates for a reason: So I'd only have to remember one phone number. Now shake hands and make up." Fry and Guenter shook hand. Fry held up a banana.
"You want a banana?" He asked
"I don't eat bananas." Guenter replied, crossing his arms. "I prefer banana-flavoured energy bars made from tofu." Fry narrowed his eyes.
"...Banana muffin?" Derpy asked, holding one.
"...I'll accept that."
"I now like you!"
In the following afternoon, as she was going to meet Fry at the local Cafe, Derpy saw the stallion! He was in an astronaut suit with a Fez taped to the dome, and he was inspecting the fountain with the weird device from the Titanic. She approached him.
"Uh... hello?" she asked. He looked around, then down to her.
"Ah! 'Allo there! Been a while since we bumped into each other."
"Yeah. It has been. Say... about what happened before... on the Titanic. I... I don't know what came over me."
"I can already think of a few things." He took some water in a small beaker. "Probably because of your surprisingly high intelligence, despite being a foal, you may have reversed back in time; perhaps it's because you haven't many other... what's the plural word for pegasus? Pegaseses? Pegasi? ...Oh, nevermind. You just feel lonely, that's all."
"Lonely? But I have a great family!"
"True, but it doesn't mean you can't feel like you're the only one of your kind."
"... Oh. Just like my mom?"
"...The cyclops?" she nodded "Hm... I haven't seen any cyclops planet yet, but, with endless possibilities, I'm sure she'll find her kind, soon enough, just like you."
"...Do you feel the same way?" He stopped in his tracks. He then let out a deep sigh.
"Sadly, yes. But don't take pity for me; I am but a traveler that loves the field of science!"
"Oh. Say... what are you doing with the water?"
"Just checking to see if there's a water-borne virus that causes people's bodies to generate copious amounts of water and become zombie-like in movement."
"...What?"
"Just one thing I learned when I came to this planet in 2059. OOPS!!!"
"Wait? 2059? But that's-"
"Gotta go!!!" He ran into the blue box, which was in the middle of the field, and exited. Derpy blinked, then smiled.
"I knew it! He's a Time Traveler!"
Later that night, in one of the buildings, a Parent's Reception was going on. A string quartet plays in the corner of the room near a portrait of Dean Vernon, the owner of Mars University, holding his model ship. The room is well-decorated, with bookshelves lined with old books, chandeliers and large armchairs. Guests include the boys from Snooty House and the fratbots. Derpy, though not a student, nor a parent, wore a matching, long, white dress that Amy wore. She stood near Fry, who scooped up some hors d'evours from the buffet and shovels them in his mouth. Guenter sidles up beside him
"Sorry I'm late," Guenter began "I was off at a study session ... with Chrissy." Fry carried on his chewing, but narrowed his eyes.
"Oh, I'm glad you made it, Guenter." Farnsworth spoke "Because in honor of parents weekend I have a special surprise for you." He pulled a purple sheet off a cage. There are two monkeys inside.
"Mom!? Dad!? What are you doing here!?" The monkeys start jumping around and shake the cage bars. The other guests stare and Guenter covers his eyes. "This is so humiliating."
I hope my parents aren't like that! Derpy thought to herself. Fry threw some bananas into the cage.
"Now these monkeys I like!" He said with a chuckle. The monkeys chomp the bananas and jump around again. "What's that? You wanna come out?" He unlocks the cage.
"No! Stop!" Guenter yelled. The cage door falls open and the monkeys run out. One jumps into the punch bowl and splashes around and another jumps onto a snooty boy and knocks him over. The other guests run away.
"DUCK AND COVER!!!" Derpy yelled! Fry, Leela and Farnsworth duck underneath a table
"What's that they're flinging at us?" Farnsworth asked
"CRAP!!!"
"Oh, dear Lord! All over the dean!" Guenter whined, covering his face.
"Hey, uh, Guenter?" Fry mocked "Why don't you get up on the chandelier with your parents and I'll take a picture?" Guenter's parents swing around on the chandelier. He groans and runs out.
"Well, looks like the party's winding down." Bender commented "Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action." Oily and Gearshift high-five.
"It's my first time, I'm really nervous." Fat-bot spoke, then ate the portrait of Vernon. Vernon wipes his face and sees.
"Robot House!" He shouted
Fry, Leela and Derpy all stand in thr Financial Aid Dorm Corridor, in front of Fry and Guenter's room
"What you did to Guenter was cruel." Leela scolded "At the risk of sounding like an after-school special, I think we learned who the real animal was today.
"You mean peer pressure?" Fry asked. Derpy slapped him across the face.
"You!" she yelled. Fry wiped his cheek and opened the door. The room is dark and Guenter's shadow is cast onto the wall. He held something and points it at the three. Fry and Derpy gasp, hiding behind Leela.
"Look out! He's got a gun!" Both Fry and Derpy screamed. Leela turned the lights on. Guenter sat in the corner of the room, crying, and surrounded by banana skins. He's holding a banana
"Leave me alone." Guenter sniffed
"Hey, what's going on?" Leela asked in her motherly tone. "I thought you didn't like bananas."
"Of course I do. I try so hard to fit in but seeing my parents act like that made me realize I'm just a primitive beast."
"Hey, hey, cheer up." Fry said "Not everyone turns out like their parents. I mean, look at me: My folks were honest, hard-working people."
"And I'm not a human." Derpy added. "Nor a cyclops."
"Besides, Guenter," Leela spoke "you're not like other monkeys. You've got the hat."
"So what?" Guenter replied "I mean, sure, it looks cool and it makes me smart but it doesn't make me happy." He sobbed some more
"That's so sad. I didn't even know monkeys could cry."
"They can't. It's all the hat." He sobs even more Fry kneeled down and put his hand on Guenter's shoulder
"Look, Guenter," he replied "if you're so miserable here, maybe you should just go back to the jungle."
"The jungle. ...But I couldn't do that to the Professor. I'm his prize experiment, and he's like a father to me."
"But he's not your father. That guy in the punch bowl was your father." Fry and Derpy spat out a mouthful of punch.
"You're not helping!" Derpy yelled.
In the next day, after many mouthwashes that Derpy did herself, inside Fry's and Guenter's Room, Farnsworth stares and stroked at a photo of him and Guenter on a log flume ride, with Fry, Leela, and Derpy at his side. Apparently, Guenter snapped in the middle of a test, taking his hat off and ran to the nearby jungle.
"Oh, poor Guenter." Farnsworth cried
"So he just ran away in the middle of the exam?" Leela asked
"I'm afraid so. All he handed in was a paper smeared with faeces. He tied with Fry."
"I guess he realized I was right when I told him to go back to the jungle." Fry spoke
"You what!? After I spent months slaving over a hot monkey brain?"
"Hey, don't blame me. You tried to force Guenter to be a human, but he's an animal. He belongs in the wild. Or in the circus on one of those tiny tricycles. Now that's entertainment!"
"Racist." Derpy simply said.
"But Guenter's obviously better off being intelligent." Farnsworth retracted "Tell him, Leela."
"Nuh-uh, I'm staying out of this." Leela replied "...Now here's my opinion: What we should do is..." She leans in and whispers something to them.
"What!?"
"I said we'll go to the jungle and let Guenter decide once and for all."
"What!?"
Inside Mars' Jungle, Leela cut through some thicket, Farnsworth, Derpy, and Fry followed.
"Wow! The jungles on Mars look just like the jungles on Earth." Fry commented
"Jungles? On Earth?" Farnsworth asked, followed by laughter.
"Sorry, Michael Jackson." Derpy apologized, holding the head of the original king of pop.
"I see some movement up there." Leela pointed "I think it's him."
"Stand back!" He pulled a pin from a grenade and threw it into the bushes. It explodes and a purple gas envelopes the tree. Three toucans, two parrots, a frog, a lizard, a snake and tiger fall out of it flat on their backs.]
"Oops."
"Why the hell are there tigers here!?" Derpy demanded.
"Who cares," Farnsworth replied "And Don't worry; They'll be fine once the tranquilizer wears off." They walk on, though Derpy stayed behind. She looked both ways and walked to one of the parrots, only for a huge elephant to fall from the tree and flatten the other creatures.
"WHAT THE F-"
A few hours later, the group peer through some leaves.
"There's our man!" Fry spoke. Guenter sat on a rock, looking at his reflection in a river.
"Professor, you'll offer Guenter the hat and, Fry, you'll offer him the banana." Leela simply said, holding out the hat and banana "We'll let him choose whether he wants to be intelligent or just a mindless animal."
"Wait... then should we give him the hat to decide?" Derpy thought. "If he's a mindless animal now, wouldn't he pick the banana instantly? But if he's intelligent, would Grandpa win?" All three stared and blinked.
"...She has a point." Fry spoke, though not knowing what she meant.
"Hm... IDEA!!!" She took the hat and smashed it to the floor.
"WHAT THE-!?" Farnsworth shouted "NOO~!!!" Derpy picked up the bits & pieces.
"There! It's the banana or scrap!" She then placed the hat on Guenter
"What the-!? Guenter yelled
"Don't worry, Guenter. If I'm right on this, then the hat should be working at half capacity. So, what's it going to be? The nuts & bolts for the professor to make you smart again? Or Fry's banana to be... dumb?"
"...Neither."
"What!?" Everyone yelled
" I like it like this. I actually feel sort of happy."
" But what about your super-intelligence?" Farnsworth asked
"When I had that, there was too much pressure to use it. All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school!"
"NOO~!!!"
"...Wait, what's that sound?" Leela asked. A motorboat got closer and closer. It's the fratbots. Bender water-skis behind a half ass repaired raft.
"Ooh! See ya, chumps!" Derpy spoke, flapping her wings. "I'm going to get some robot fun! She flew over and landed right in front of the speeding raft. "WHEE~!
"Hey, Bender, you sure this is a short-cut?" Gearshift asked
"Not as sure as I was an hour ago!" Bender replied. Downriver, the fratbots and Derpy came to a huge waterfall. They all scream (though with Derpy, it was fun) and go over the edge. Derpy overed while the other hit some rocks at the bottom and disappear underwater. She landed on a rock, took a deep breath, and dived into the water, following Bender and the Fratbots with her doggy paddles. Above, the Snooty men were a foot from victory.
"And the winner is..." Dean began. The fratbots, with Derpy on Bender's head, appear and walk across the finish line with their raft draped around them. "ROBOT HOUSE!?!?!?"
"We win!" Derpy cheered. "Now let's get drunk!"
On the Mars University Campus. Dean Vernon reluctantly heads the parade, honoring the robots of ERR. Fat-bot stands at the front of the float and waves to everyone. Farnsworth, Derpy, and Amy are on the float as well. Guenter leaps on and Farnsworth pats him on the head.
"Come on, everyone!" Bender shouted "Big party in Robot House!"
"Bring your own beer!" Derpy shouted, trying to open a bottle herself. The students cheer and dance to Lloyd Williams' Shout.
Fry Dropped Out Successfully And Returned To His Dead-End Delivery Job
Guenter Got His MBA And Became President Of The Fox Network
Fat-bot Caught A Computer Virus In Tijuana And Had To Be Rebooted
Leela Went On One Date With Dean Vernon, But He Never Called Again
His Job Done, Bender Stole Everything Of Value From Robot House And Ran Off
Derpy Had Her First Bottle Of Beer And Went On A Violent Rampage. She Is No Longer Allowed To Be On Mars University's Campus.