//------------------------------// // Chapter One: Bad Vodka // Story: Lost To The Zone // by The Zealot //------------------------------// Chapter One: Bad Vodka “In the fields of Prokhorovka, where the heat of battle burned…” I sang along to what was playing on my phone, still walking through this damn forest. At first I had kept silent, just in case , but decided after about an hour that, one, I had a gun, and two, it was far too boring out here without music. And besides, I had one of those solar charger things, and wasn’t lacking for sunlight, so I wasn’t all too worried about my phone dying on me. I never really liked walking much you know, as an American I enjoy my freedom to be lazy. That being said, I think all the slav I had surrounded myself in must have been rubbing off, because honestly, I didn’t feel tired or sore or anything from all this walking! I was still bored out of my mind though, even with my music playing. I know they say the journey is half the adventure, but when the journey is through a forest that looks pretty much the same no matter where you go, well, I start to believe more and more that the end is what’s more important. ***** Four more hours of walking and it looked like the sun was finally getting a little lower in the sky. My wrist-watch said it was 6:20 in the afternoon, but there was no telling how accurate that would actually be here, with that said, it was still the only thing I had to go off. Luckily, it looked like my hike through the jungle was coming to an end, as I saw a break in the foliage up ahead, as well as what looked like an actual man-made path which I quickly got on. ***** Well, I was certainly not in America any more. The clearing of the foliage, and the path, had lead to a small village. The place looked medieval at best, with stone walls and thatched hay roofing. It looked, while not large, of at least a moderate size, with plenty of what seemed to be housing, as well as a central market area. That was about all I could see from my place outside the town though. Deciding that there was nothing else to do, and that I would need food eventually, I started my way towards the main road I could see leading into the village. Oddly enough, there didn’t seem to be anyone walking about, yet it wasn’t even that late in the day. ***** Searching the village revealed many closed houses, shops, and little else. I didn’t find a single person in my entire time looking through the place, which took at least half an hour. I was just about to give up, sit down on a bench, and take a rest with some vodka, when I heard some noise. Walking down a street I couldn’t believe I hadn’t noticed before,  there was clearly the sounds of a party coming from one of the buildings. It took a while, but eventually I narrowed it down to a very unique building. “You know… I have seen house that is in a tree, but I have never seen tree that is a house! Eh, oh well, at least it sounds like there are people… maybe they have some food, as well!” I spoke to myself as I walked in front of the door for a bit, deciding my actions. I was a bit self-conscious at how rude it might be to interrupt a party, but at the same time, I really needed to know where I was, and get some food. Slinging my Kalashnikov over my shoulder, so as not to make a scene, I decided to try the handle on the odd, two-halved door. Thankfully it was unlocked, perhaps to let any latecomers to the obvious party inside an easy entry? It was not of my concern as I pulled open the door and gazed inside. My first thought was that the decoration was bright, colorful as well. As my eyes adjusted to the different lighting, I realized it was simply the almost garish color of the party-goer’s clothing, which was very much dissimilar from my dark colored camouflage . A few moments later of letting myself adjust, I then noticed a very important problem with the inhabitants. They weren’t humans, at all. “What the fuck was in that vodka!” I shouted in surprise as I gazed upon the face of one of the creatures inside. It looked more or less human, stood on two legs, and had two arms coming from the torso, the head was even pretty normal looking until you got a look at the face. Then you realize you’re staring at a fucking horse-person and you freak the fuck out. I guess I wasn’t as quiet as I might’ve thought, because after my exclamation I heard a record scratch as the music died, and everyone turned to look at me. Did I mention they all had fur, too? And they were fucking technicolor! Anyway, the music stopped and I had a veritable mass of weird, technicolor, horse-people staring at me. Actually, this was probably the entire populace of the town, now that I think about it. Anyway, I did what any normal person would do. “Nope, nope, nope, I’ll take the train straight to fuckthisshitville!” I started muttering, backing my way out the door as all the things inside kept their eyes locked on me. At the point where I had cleared the doorway, I quickly shoved the door back into place before bolting from the area, this shit was too much man. ***** “Well vodka, I am not in Ukraine any more… Wait, I was never in Ukrai- ah whatever, this is not Earth!” I muttered into the bottle of vodka clutched in my hands, I was near the edge of the town, sitting on a secluded bench to both catch my breath and try to go over what I saw. Of course, it was also the perfect time to have a drink, after all, I hadn’t gotten to when I was hiking. “Okay, so, facts. I went to games convention on Earth, everyone is human, all is good. I buy Kalashnikov from shady guy at convention, fall into a white light, shit gets weird. I go walking through forest, guns are real now, and everything doesn’t look right, okay I can deal with that. I come across this town, nobody is here because they’re having a party, and they all end up being fucking horse-people, shit is no longer okay. Ugh, well, at least I still have vodka!” I cheered up a bit at that, taking a hearty swig from the bottle, feeling the Russian Water flow through me, and fill me with a sense of courage. I also had the suspicion I was now slightly more immune to radiation poisoning. I decided that, if I wanted to make progress, I would have to deal with these horse-people as they seemed to be the only civilization here. I was not happy that I would have to back and face such weird creatures, but it was either that or probably starve and get lost. So, with a few more gulps of vodka, a loaded Kalashnikov, and a more calm outlook on the situation, I headed back to the house-tree-thing. ***** I couldn’t hear the music of the party inside, in fact, I think most of the townspeople had gone back to doing whatever they do, because I saw more horse-people walking around and working in stores than last time. This is to say, there were actually people around doing their jobs. My gas mask affixed to hide my emotions, and my ushanka proudly displaying the symbol of Soviet Russia for courage, I knocked politely on the door. It took a moment, but eventually the door was opened by one of the creatures, a white-furred one, with purple hair and matching purple clothes. I wasn’t one for fashion, but I guessed they were probably some fancy, high-class cut. We both stared at each other for a moment, before I decided to break the silence. “Ah, hello, I am here to talk to runner of party, I wish to offer apology.” That was what I told her anyway, and it was true, I did want to apologize for apparently killing off the party. That said, whoever lived here must be important if everyone came to this house for the party, and important people would know more about… eh… everything, I guess. “I-uhm, yes, yes that sounds very reasonable. Just wait here a moment, I’ll go tell her you’re here.” With that the white horse-person, who I just realized also had a horn growing from its forehead, closed the door on me and presumably went off to find this party-planner. And so I just stood there like a moron for three minutes, fiddling with my mask, making sure my ushanka was on straight, checking that my combat rigging wasn’t tangling itself up. Finally, the door opened again with the same white horn-head creature, who asked me to come inside. All things considered, I shouldn’t have been surprised, but it was still a bit weird to see the circular main room. This place must have been some kind of library, or archive, because there were shelves carved into the wood of the walls, surrounding a central round table, and filled with books of all sizes and colors. Sitting at this round table were five more of the horse-people. Two of them had wings, being yellow with pink hair, and blue with rainbow hair respectively. Another two just looked normal, they were orange with blond hair and then… pink on pink with pink… dear god. Anyway, the last one was purple with darker purple hair, and had both a horn thing and wings… which was fucking weird. The white one moved past me and went over to join who I assumed were her friends, along the way offering a chair to me which I quickly took. We all just sort of stared at each other before the purple one nudged the white one to ask her something. “Uh, Rarity, why is this guy back here? Who is he anyway?” Good question purple-thing, good question indeed. Rather than letting this ‘Rarity’ explain, I decided to speak up. “Yes, this is good question. You see, I came back because I wanted to offer apology. I realize, it was quite rude for me just to open door in middle of party. Also, it is seeming to be like everyone left because of me, so I apologize for this as well.” I said, trying my best to convey how sincere I was being even though they couldn’t see my face. Thankfully, the mask didn’t manage to muffle anything. Before I knew what happened my world was suddenly filled with pink. “Oh my gosh, so you must be the guy who interrupted the party, right? That was sorta shocking for everyone, did you hear, the DJ even stopped the record! Although, to be fair, the party had been going for a few hours, I think Twilight was gonna ask for it to end pretty soon anyway, so I guess it’s a good thing you made everyone stop! Anyway, at least you came back to apologize, most people who crash my parties are just huge jerks about it! You seem alright, at least, although that mask is kinda weird, but that’s a cool star on your hat!” In what seemed to be a single breath the creature in front of me spoke out a rapid fire barrage of what was surely a paragraph’s worth of words, so fast I couldn’t even catch all of them. If I had known I would need to have my best reflexes, I wouldn’t have downed half a bottle of vodka! I studied her for a moment, what with her being right in front of me. Her fur was pink, and her hair was a large curly mess of a slightly darker shade. Her eyes, which were exceptionally large by my standards, were a bright blue. Those, along with her clothes, were the only things not pink about her. She had light-blue jeans, as well as a white t-shirt, the shirt had three balloons on it, two yellow and one light blue. Those clothes were the only thing that provided any contrast to this horse-person before me. “Ah, yes, I am man of higher class… and not jerk, most of time.” I said simply, still trying to process everything that she had said, before eventually giving up. It was around that time the purple one chimed in. “Alright, well, if you’ve apologized, is there any other reason you’re here? Or why you came here back when the party was still going. You don’t look like anyone I’ve ever seen before, so it can’t have been for the party.” She trailed off at the end, perhaps thinking up all sorts of theories as to how I got here. I was certain she would never guess that I was here because a shady guy, and a cool gun. “Ahh, yes, yes, good question! You are right in many regard, I am not from this place. In fact, given what I see around me, I am somehow in different world from one I call home! I only come to this conclusion because, and no offense to anyone of course, you all look quite strange for people going by the standards of my usual life. Anyway, I thought, maybe is good idea to ask someone important for where I am. I found my way here because, I thought, party with entire town must be held at important person house, yes?” I tried to explain my circumstances as simply as possible, and it seemed to work, because nobody called me a crazy person. What followed was about three hours, or however long it took the sun to go down, filled with explanations of where I was. After many questions from myself, I finally had an understanding of the world. Apparently, I was now in some magical land of horse-people, who called themselves ‘ponies’, which was known as Equestria. Ugh, I need more vodka for this.