//------------------------------//
// Ch 13: No Reason to Scream 
// Story: Equestria's Mark 
// by MasterZadok 
//------------------------------//


Chapter 13
No Reason to Scream

	

“It is time…” I whispered to myself. “I’ve waited so long for this night.” My fingers slid effortlessly into their armored gauntlets. “Everything I’ve done has led me to this moment.” My belt cinched tight around my hips. “I only pray it is enough.” My fingers curled around the cold hilt of my sword. “This evening, in this town, heroes and villains, knights and dragons, legends and lore, will finally be revealed.” My eyes narrowed as I softly pushed aside the window curtains. My lips barely moved as I whispered, “They are here…”
“Who’s here?” Spike looked up at me uncertainly. A grim smile played across my face as I let the fabric fall back over the glass.
“Deities and demons. Soldiers and saints. Kings and criminals. This is the night they invade our town, our streets, our homes… But there is one champion they did not count on. An impossible legend come to life. There is one they fear.”
“Are you ok?”
“In their tongue, he is Dovahkiin!” I swept myself up to my full height, donned my helmet and brandished my blade triumphantly, “Dragonborn!” In my mind, the room burst aloud with the Skyrim theme like ocean waves breaking upon the shore. Unfortunately, even in a world where musicals randomly popped up like dandelions in a sidewalk, Spike’s expression made it perfectly clear that I didn’t look nearly as cool as I thought I did.
“Oh…” The little dragon’s eyes swept over my wild attire with a deflated expression. “So, that’s your dragonborn costume?”
“No, I’m Mary flippin’ Poppins. Of course I’m the dragonborn! I’ve only spent an entire month on my Nightmare Night costume. So, what do you think? Impressed?” I adjusted the homemade Nord attire on my shoulders and double-checked the straps on my furry boots.
“Well,” Spike shrugged, “I guess I just imagined him to look more, I don’t know, like a dragon?”
My fingers paused in their work. The little drake’s critique shouldn’t have surprised me. After all, the only thing he knew about Skyrim was the stories I’d been telling him and the only human he knew was me. Ergo, a tale about a dragon-blooded hero was bound to evoke more images of scaly skin than various human ethnicities to an Equestrian audience.
“Yeah, well, I can’t do the Argonian voice for longer than thirty seconds without going hoarse and seeing as I’ve already got the whitest genes on Earth, I decided to go with the iconic Nord look.” I gave Spike a reassuring smile as my eyes swept over his costume. “And that’s your ‘Alduin’ costume?”
“Yup! The mighty black dragon! Your nemesis! The world-eater!” Spike turned and began admiring his dragon onesie in a mirror, growling as low as his voice could go while I forced a grin and bit my tongue.
Despite all my efforts to dissuade him, the little dragon was still celebrating Nightmare Night dressed as a dragon. Obviously, I was all for promoting pride in oneself and one’s species, but still, it was disappointing to see that the only thing I had changed from the cannon episode was the color of his costume. Instead of wearing a slightly darker shade of purple than he normally sported, Spike’s suit was black. So close, and yet so far from the thorny-skinned demigod from Tamriel.
“So, are you excited for Nightmare Night, Mark?” Spike stopped posing long enough to glance back at me.
“Absolutely!” I twirled my wooden sword prop over my hand. “After all, it’s my first Nightmare Night.”
“Really?”
“Well, technically. Back on Earth, there’s a similar celebration called ‘All-Hallows Eve’, or, more commonly, ‘Halloween’, but I only did that once or twice… And I think I wasted both costume opportunities dressed as Peter Pan.”
“Why’d you stop?”
“It wasn’t my choice. I thought it was fun, but my mom, eh, let’s just say she was a very protective lady. Wouldn’t let anything in our house even remotely ‘scary’. Halloween, Harry Potter, the Goosebumps books, and pretty much anything to do with Tim Burton.” (Yes, mine was an incomplete childhood.)
“Well, I’m sure this is going to be the best Nightmare Night ever!” Spike cheered. “That is, if Twilight ever finishes getting dressed.”
“I’m sure it will be.” I hid my smirk by pretending to examine the inside of my helmet.
Nightmare Night had been the topic of anticipation for weeks and, if I wasn’t horrendously mistaken, that particular night would go down in history as the best one since its conception. After all, how often does the symbol of a holiday join the festivities? Having Princess Luna surprise the citizens of Ponyville on Nightmare Night was like having the Grinch serve Christmas dinner, or Jack Skellington trick-or-treat you on Halloween, or have Charles Dickens fend off ghosts on Christmas Eve, or watch Agatha Christie solve the case of Professor Peach’s murder in the library with the led pipe. (Ok, that last one isn’t really a holiday, but I’m sure there’s someone out there “Who” gets the reference.) Either way, I was looking forward to seeing Luna again.
“Oh, before I forget.” I clamped my helmet back onto my head and swept up an Equestrian camera. I held the toaster-sized box above my head as I knelt down next to Spike. “Say ‘Parcheesi’!”
“Huh?” There was a bright white flash and a loud click as the flash bulb ignited, dazzling my eyes, and reducing Spike’s pupils to tiny slits.
“You didn’t do any duckface, right?” With a spot of white hovering in the center of my vision, I swiftly removed and replaced the potion-soaked paper at the back of the device. “These things can get expensive after a while.”
A beautiful instrument, I found myself once again marveling at the intricate balance of analogue clockwork, alchemy, and magic circuits that allowed the camera to function as well as it did. Replacing the “film” each shot was a nuisance, but the little square of paper was almost as efficient as the old Polaroid stuff back on Earth. Slowly, the ghostly figures of a handsome, scruffy-faced dovahkiin and a pint-sized Alduin began to emerge on the photo.
“Beautiful! Alright. We good to go?” I glanced over to where Spike was rubbing his eyes. “What’s taking Twilight Sparkle so long?”
“Ugh, come on, Twilight!” The little dragon called up to the unicorn’s room. “We’re gonna be late for the Nightmare Night festival.”
As if she had been waiting for her cue, Twilight appeared at the top of the stairs in a flourish of silky white hair and midnight-blue robes. Around her hooves, a dozen brass sleigh bells chuckled coyly from the edge of her cape and atop her head, a large conical hat waved like tree boughs in the wind. The infamous Star Swirl the Bearded. It seemed somehow fitting that Twilight Sparkle had decided to model her costume after the legendary unicorn. Though I personally didn’t know whether the writers meant for Star Swirl to become as important a character as he did, the fact remained that his influences in Equestrian history had created many, many ripples. Ripples that, more often than not, Twilight herself would be touched by. (I’m looking at you, Larson!)
The purple unicorn came down the stairs, as proud of her costume as a rooster on a runway. She spared no expense to capture the outfit’s authenticity and, to the perceptive eye, her efforts showed. Spike, however, didn’t appreciate the ensemble and instead focused on the flowing snowy beard hanging around Twilight’s neck.
“Huh? Are you that one kooky grandpa from Ponyville Retirement Village?” He asked. Twilight stopped strutting as if she had been slapped with a cold fish filet.
“Now, Spike! Don’t be rude.” I piped up. “Isn’t it obvious who she’s dressed as?”
“Thank you, Mark.” Twilight waved a hoof at me. “At least someone can appreciate-”
“Obviously, she liked our costume collaboration so much, she just had to contribute. Don’t you see? It’s Brother Wulfgar of the Greybeards.”
“I’m Star Swirl the Bearded!” Twilight snapped. “Father of the amniomorphic spell? Did either of you even read that book about obscure unicorn history?” She leveled an accusing hoof at us like a lance, but Spike and I were rescued by a timely knock on the door.
“Uh, that sounds important!” The little black dragon dashed past the unicorn’s scowl and swung open the entrance to the library. Instantly, he was faced with the hungry, chanting hordes I had forewarned him about. Specifically, a princess, an astronaut, a ladybug, a pirate, and an Apple.
“Nightmare Night! What a fright! Give us something sweet to bite!” A chorus of voices assaulted the dragon, nearly knocking him off his feet. Twilight Sparkle and I came up behind him with the candy and the camera.
“Hi, everypony.” Twilight greeted. “Great costumes. Happy Nightmare Night, Granny Smith.” The poor old Apple standing behind the bright little faces looked like a piece of dried fruit judging by the way her eyelids sagged over her cheeks. The old mare mumbled,
“I should have been asleep five hours ago…” A stark contrast to the fizzing sugar-charged fillies around her.
Unlike my mom, I was not one to pause a perfectly picturesque moment and force everyone to pose for my camera. I lifted the box and fired off a shot, but just as the shutter clicked, the line of costumed candy collectors was split apart when who else but the smallest student in Cheerilee’s school leapt through their ranks. Pipsqueak may not have had the same quality sword prop as I, but his enthusiasm more than made up for the shortcoming as he valiantly threw himself into the role of a little buccaneer.
“Pipsqueak the pirate at your service.” He proclaimed.
“Oh, hey, Littlepip!” I smiled down at the pocket-sized pinto.
“It’s not ‘Littlepip’!” The colt bristled, “It’s ‘Pipsqueak’.”
“Got it.” I nodded somberly. “Pipsqueak the pirate. Mighty sailor of the local lake, caper of candies, and brave brigand. Jack Sparrow, Risky Boots and Edward Kenway would be green with envy.”
“You did a good job on your costume.” Twilight complimented.
“Thank you miss Twilight. It’s my very first Nightmare Night.” Pipsqueak explained.
“Since you moved here from Trottingham?”
“No, my very first Nightmare Night ever!”
“Oh, really? It’s Mark’s too.”
“And I’ve already got costume plans for next year.” There was a fervid glint in my eye as I added, “So, Pip? How would you feel about wearing a Stable Tec jumpsuit?” Before the little colt could answer, or even ask for clarification, a large feathery creature plowed its way through the group like a bulldozer, driving straight for the open door. My brain was so taken aback by the shape and agility of Pinkie Pie in her chicken costume that I at first thought a chocobo had come to town.
“B-Cawk! Enough chitchat! Time is candy!” The pink pony scolded. For emphasis, she lifted her own bag of sweet treats to her chin and began gobbling them up. Pinkie Pie’s head pecked so ferociously that her movements were more reminiscent of a woodpecker than a chicken.
“Pinkie Pie,” Twilight glanced uncertainly from her friend to the crowd of little fillies and back again, “aren’t you a little old for this?”
“Too old for free candy!?” The chicken Pie squawked in shock. “Never!” Twilight Sparkle rolled her eyes, but dutifully levitated a treat from her bowl into the pink mare’s bag. Pinkie Pie’s bright eyes followed the delicacy’s trajectory with a manic focus, like a dog watching a piece of steak float by. She didn’t even realize that Twilight was subtly posing in her jingling blue robes.
“Do you like it?” The purple unicorn lifted her bearded chin and flicked the bells along her hat. After a moment’s hesitation, Pinkie offered,
“Yeah! Great costume, Twilight! You make a fantastic weirdo clown!” There was a burst of movement, a flurry of feathers, and the passing sound of clucking, and all of a sudden Pinkie Pie was gone and Twilight’s candy bowl was as barren as Death Valley. The hen-horse had made off like a bandit before Twilight Sparkle could even sputter,
“A clown?”
“Don’t know what kind of circus she goes to.” I agreed. “I think you give off more of a ‘Merlin’ vibe.” Spike pulled the door shut and our group finally stepped out into the night.
“Look at the borders on these robes. These are hoof-stitched!” Twilight huffed.
“It’s a great costume… ‘Grandpa’!” Spike sniggered.
That did nothing to quell Twilight Sparkle’s frustration. She worked herself into an emotional juggernaut the likes of which I hadn’t seen since X-Men: The Last Stand. Her rant could’ve out-blusterd Egoraptor, gushing about the achievements of her old-world idol and expounding on all his legacy. Meanwhile, our group meandered between the dark Ponyville houses, each glowing from within like colossal jack-o-lanterns. Spike looted each one, gleaning a bountiful harvest of candy piece-by-piece until he could barely hold it all. The purple unicorn was still talking,
“… It’s like trying to explain how a boat floats without talking about buoyancy! How can the schools claim to teach astrological theory without mentioning Star Swirl the Bearded’s thesis on universal planes?”
“Right.” I nodded wearily. “After all, whose life is truly complete if they don’t know what the anime-morphic spell is?”
“Oh, just you wait! You’ll see,” Twilight flicked her hat out of her eyes, “Once you get through alchemist kindergarten, you’ll be dealing with nothing BUT the aminomorphic spell!”
“So, if he was such a great inventor of magic stuff, what does that make him? Was he and inventor, getting rich off his patents? Was he a scholar? Some sort of philosopher? Was he an individual researcher working on his projects, or was he a part of a team organized to solve world mysteries? Did he found a school like the College of Winterhold? Did he have an unfortunate run-in with something called the ‘Eye of Magnus’? Is that where you got his robes?”
“Star Swirl the Bearded is only the most important conjurer of the pre-classical era.” The little cosplayer explained patiently. “He created more than two hundred spells! He even has a shelf in the Canterlot Library of Magic named after him.”
I found myself nodding importantly. “Shelf” was an understatement if ‘It’s About Time’ was any indication.
“Maybe I should start up a pony group to teach ponies about history. I bet everypony would love it! Don’t you, Spike?” Twilight rubbed her chin thoughtfully, but to the little dragon, the sound of our conversation was akin to that of rain on a corrugated metal roof. He simply smiled and nodded his head periodically, chowing down on his candy treats as if they were Nord souls.
“I love it!” He murmured, jaws glued shut by gumdrops. Suddenly, Twilight stopped in her tracks and looked at the town around her as if seeing it for the first time. Alduin crashed into her hind leg, sending him and his collection of candies spilling over the ground. 
“Hey look, we’re here already! Should we get something to eat?” The purple unicorn asked.
“I’m good.” I dusted off a caramel and popped it into my mouth. From his position on the ground, Spike burped in agreement.
Ponyville itself was as in-character for Nightmare Night as any of its residents. The town square was a patchwork of silky purple stalls, adorned with cardboard silhouettes of bat’s wings and silver crescent moons. Strings of pale lights hung in the air like spider webs and everywhere one turned, the unblinking eyes of Nightmare Moon were staring accusingly. The haunting decorations and the sounds of laughing ponies mixed like Oreos and peanut butter, fundamentally different, but not mutually exclusive. (Doubt me? Try it.) The combination of fear and fun created an elusive, but mesmerizing scene. Even the night sky had an elusive rosy glow to it.
“Oh, this just looks like too much fun.” I shook my head. “Let’s find the others. I’ve got over a decade of Halloweens I need to make up for.” But Pinkie Pie was already one step ahead of me. The chicken-garbed mare ran up the street with a caravan of little fillies following in her hoofsteps like a brood of chicks. When she got within hailing distance, her voice was even squeakier than usual.
“Twilight, Twilight! Look at our haul! Ah! Can you believe it?” Pinkie pie plunged her plumaged head into her plunder. Simply watching her was enough to make my pancreas flinch.
“I’m not fooling myself. Nightmare Night isn’t exactly a day to stick to your diet, but there’s got to be something around here that doesn’t make we want to swig a gallon of insulin, right?” My eyes swept around the various stalls, but all I saw were rows upon rows of toffies, taffies, truffles, and tarts. The only semi-wholesome foods around were the candied apples and the apple bobbing stations that the Apple family had set up.
“Mm? What was that?” Spike asked through a mouthful of shattered jawbreaker.
“Nothing.”
“-and then we went to Sugarcube Corner where we got these amazing jellies, and then we avoided the retirement home because we heard they’re just giving out raisins. I mean, who does that!? So, we swung around by the windmill where they set up a cotton candy machine, and…” Pinkie Pie continued narrating her strategic navigation of the town while Twilight listened patiently. In the time it took for our group to walk from the library to the town square, it seemed as if Pinkie and her posse had covered half of Ponyville. “-and then, we went to Cheerilee’s house and got a bunch more goodies. Didn’t we, Pip?”
“Sure did!” The pirate nodded his head enthusiastically.
I was right in the middle of trying to figure out how I could craft a model Pip-Buck, when a dark shape caught my eye. An amorphous shadow, like tattered cloth, snaked across the sky, blotting out the glimmering stars. It was small, but moved subtly and with purpose as if it was hunting. Only an instant before it reached our group did I realize what it was.
“Pinkie? Hey, Pinkie!”
“…we had to stop and wait for Granny Smith, and-”
“Watch out-” But my words were drowned out by an ear-splitting roar. A shard of lightning, jagged as glass, cut through the sky, bleaching the town square in harsh white light and deafening us with the sound of its boiling thunderclap.
Pinkie Pie made a noise halfway between a scream and a squawk and shot off down the road like a blood-doping Speedy Gonzales. The little group of fillies she had been traveling with screamed as well and stampeded in suit, their costumes wild and askew. Above the whole scene, Rainbow Dash way lying atop her storm cloud, all four hooves kicking the air in a fit of laughter.
“Rainbow Dash, that wasn’t very nice.” Twilight Sparkle held onto her hat as she looked up at the mischievous pegasus.
“I agree.” I folded my arms. “Though I have to admit, I’m loving the costume, Rainbow Dash.”
“You grumpy old-timers need to lighten up. This is the best night of the year for pranks!” The pegasus’s black-and-gold Shadowbolt mask grinned down on us like a mischievous luchador.
“Look what you did to Spike!” The purple unicorn gestured to the ground where the dragon was wheezing like a rubber duck, his lungs working furiously to dislodge a piece of candy.
“Aw, it’s all in good fun.” Even from behind her mask, I could sense Rainbow’s eyes already scanning the town for her next target. “Ooh, ooh! There’s another group over there!” And before Twilight could object, the dark lump of cloud skated off over the rooftops. There was a distant flash, the sound of screaming ponies, and Rainbow Dash’s laughter rose once more into the night. Twilight Sparkle rolled her eyes, and lay Spike on her back.
“I don’t get how scaring ponies is supposed to be fun.” She muttered.
“Me neither.” I shook my head. “But so long as nopony’s in danger, I can’t discourage her. Anyway, let’s go this way. I think I saw Applejack set up shop over there.”
A number of games and activity stations had been set up just on the far side of the town square. Pumpkin catapults, pie eating contests, and apple-bobbing vats filled with green water served as a reminder that Nightmare Night was as much a harvest celebration as it was a masquerade. Of course, no one was better equipped to cater such a festival as our very own Sweet Apple Acres. The Apple family had clocked in overtime the past week, with over twenty percent of their harvest going to the celebration.
“Oh, that’s what we should’ve done!” I bopped myself on the head as soon as I saw Applejack in her scarecrow costume. “We should have done a ‘Wizard of Oz’ theme. Fluttershy would be the lion, you, Twilight, would be Dorothy with Spike as Toto…”
“Who would be the wizard, then?” Twilight Sparkle asked.
“Well, we’d just have to ask the ‘Grrreat and Powerful Trrrixie’ to join us, wouldn’t we?” I popped my hands open like fireworks and trilled my ‘r’s for all they were worth. At the mention of her unofficial rival, Twilight only shook her head, but at least she was smiling.
“Happy Nightmare Night, Applejack!” She hailed the earth pony. Applejack turned away from a vat of apples she had been restocking, her scarecrow garb rustling with the movement.
“Howdy, Spike, Mark! Hey, Twilight!” Applejack’s eyes narrowed in a grin. “Nice costume.”
“Thanks! I’m a dragon.” The baby drake scooped up the compliment like a pelican catching a fish. Twilight and I both stared at him.
“She means me, Spike.”
“Of course, because she couldn’t possibly mean me.” I folded my arms. Applejack clarified herself by continuing,
“With that beard, I recon’ you’re some sorta country music singer.” The orange mare poked at the long white beard hanging from the librarian’s neck. Spike and I began giggling to ourselves, much to Twilight’s chagrin.
“Close, Applejack. She’s actually a rock singer.”
“She is not!” The unicorn barked.
“Oh, come on. You can’t tell me that you and a pair of sunglasses wouldn’t blend right in on a ZZ Top stage.” Spike didn’t get the reference, but he laughed all the same.
“At least I have a beard.” Twilight jabbed at me.
“I have… part of a beard!”
“What percentage of a beard do you have?”
“I don’t think you get to criticize the boy’s bristles when you’ve got a fake one tied to your chin, hon.” Applejack cut in.
“Thank you, AJ.”
“Could’ve just asked Twilight to use her growing spell.” Spike put in.
“It’s not the same.” I stroked my cheek. “When, and I do mean ‘when’, I grow a crop of hair on my jaw, it will be on my own power and cultivation. At this point, it’s a matter of pride.” Twilight Sparkle made a coughing noise from behind her hoof,
“If it’s a matter of pride, then you’re remarkably humble…”
“What was that, Twi?”
“Well, beard or no, while y’all are here, you feel like bobbin’ for an apple?” The earth pony gestured behind her to where Golden Harvest and Derpy were fishing for the floating fruits. They seemed to be enjoying themselves, Derpy so much so that she accidentally plunged her whole body into the water in pursuit of a red delicious. When the grey pegasus came back up, however, she had the drain plug caught between her teeth instead of her prize.
“I’d love to, but in a minute,” I craned my head to get a better view above all the ghouls, golems and ghosts crowding the streets. A certain cloaked figure with spiders woven into her black-and-white mane had just ducked behind the stage erected in the town square. “I think I see my sensei.”
“Your what now?”
“That’s what he calls Zecora.” Twilight explained.
“Well, I can’t pronounce her native word for ‘teacher’. It’s like, n’gamba? Mmbgambe? Anyway, I had a question I needed to ask her.”
“Now might not be a good time, Mark.” Applejack noted. “It looks like she’s getting’ ready for the evening’s storytellin’. What’d you have to ask her, about?”
“About this.” I plucked a glass orb out of my costume about the size and shape of a lightbulb. It was a potion bottle, my latest creation, filled with what looked like a combination of smurf pee and soggy snake skin. I’d seen Applejack bite into raw lemons, take a skunk blast to the face and even survive Rainbow Dash’s cooking, (don’t ask) but as soon as she saw that vial, her face turned queasy.
“What in tarnation?”
“It’s not supposed to look like that. At least, I don’t think so.” I hastily explained. “I tried to make a mild sleeping potion. Specifically, one designed to cut through a sugar rush and get little fillies to sleep easier after eating so much candy. I was going to sell them to weary mares and sires for their foals, but something went wrong.”
“Is that why my lab smelled funny?” Twilight wondered.
“Lookin’ for a little extra pocket money?” Applejack chided.
“Yes, I realize how very Flim Flam-esque this may sound, but it’s not an unscrupulous business venture, honest! I just needed the extra coin and there’s an opening in Ponyville for cheap elixirs. It’s smart marketing.”
“Flim flam. That’s a funny word.” Spike giggled. Then it was my turn to feel queasy. I had completely forgotten that the two charlatan unicorns, Flam and Flim, hadn’t actually visited Ponyville yet. Fortunately for me, ‘flim flam’ is an actual term, and Applejack didn’t seem to catch that I misused it.
“But what do you need more money for?” Twilight Sparkle pressed. “Last I heard, you were financially sound.” I bit my lip as I glanced over my shoulder at her,
“Uh… Coffee runs to Canterlot?” I still hadn’t told her that Cherry Berry had wiped out my savings during the Discord fiasco. Not that I ever could, anyway. How would I explain the fact that I had ordered the balloon before anypony knew we needed it?
“Well, I’ll let you go, then. See y’all later, Mark.”
“Thanks! I’ll catch up with you girls later.” And I quickly excused myself. Behind me, I could still hear the girls saying,
“That potions bug really put a bee in his bonnet, hasn’t it?”
“I think it’s a good thing. He’s working hard and he loves it.”
“Probably for the best. Come next month, there won’t be much left to do on the farm…”
I smiled to myself. Sooner or later, I’d have to find a way to break the news to Applejack that, if I were given an ultimatum, I’d easily give up being a farmhand to become a full-time alchemist. I preferred the mental challenge and, if one could craft a good reputation, the prestige that came with the title “alchemist”. That is, I would, if I ever got past the “kindergarten” stage of my studies. Up to that point, I’d only been able to break down plants to their basic arcana. A far cry from Zecora’s conjuring. I finally caught my mentor’s attention,
“Evening, Zecora!” I beamed at her. “Nice costume. Er, that is a costume, right?”
“Good evening, Mark, so nice to meet you here.
And yes, though dressed as a witch, you have nothing to fear.
You know, I do not don’t cast curses, but instead set things right,
But I thought I’d change my disguise on this holiday night.”
“Well, it looks very authentic. But actually, if you’re not busy, I had a question I wanted to ask you.”
“Hm?”
“Yeah, see, about that potion I asked you about last week,” I showed her the failed mixture. “it didn’t really turn out.” Zecora took one glance at the potion and immediately laughed,
“Your problem, so common, is clear to me.
You did not preheat the nut milk before adding the droopbell tea.”
“And that’s why it looks like a brain in a jar?” I jiggled the little vessel, causing the mass inside to bob like a jellyfish. “The milk curdled?”
“Root oils could make the clumps disappear,
But if I were you, I’d practice and try again next year.
Drinking it now, I would not recommend,
As it would give you the runs and repel all your friends.”
“Oh… That’s unnecessarily descriptive.” I wrinkled my nose.
At that moment, there was the sound of cheering from the other side of the stage. Zecora and I looked up to see the mayor of Ponyville standing behind a podium, dressed in a fluffy rainbow wig and boat-sized clown shoes. She was in the middle of welcoming all the ponies to the festival and thanking them for their assistance in organizing it.
“Keep up the good work, you should be proud,
But for now, I’ve been asked to tell a story to the little ones in the crowd.”
“Oh, that’s right! You’re helping out the mayor. Well, good luck out there. I’ll be listening as well.”
The zebra reached into her cloak and withdrew a pinch of what looked like sparkly green ash. She tossed it onto the stage where it immediately erupted into a glowing emerald cloud. She stepped through it like one parting a veil and when she addressed the audience, her voice had become silky and mysterious,
“Follow me, and very soon,
You’ll hear the tale of Nightmare Moon.” A hush fell over the crowd at the appearance of the ghostly figure.
The fillies in the crowd looked up at her with awestruck expressions, and wordlessly followed the zebra’s command. She led them away from the relative safety of the town square and into a nearby arm of the Everfree forest where the shadows were deep and the air was cool. It didn’t matter who they were dressed as, princess, wolf, vampire, or pirate, all the little ponies grew strangely subdued under the whispering boughs of the trees. Twilight Sparkle, Spike, the mayor and myself watched the little procession from a few paces back while Zecora set her stage. She led the group up to a dark statue that had been set up, a menacing portrayal of Nightmare Moon, and began,
“Listen close, my little dears,
I’ll tell you where you got your fears.” Her voice was as soft as the night, and just as chilling.
“Of Nightmare Night, so dark and scary.
Of Nightmare Moon, who makes you wary.” I caught a glimpse of Zecora drawing more green power from her robes and suddenly the little forest clearing was alight with billowing dust. A shape manifested from the vapors, a cloud of glowing light that rose like a serpent’s head. All the little fillies gasped as the figure adopted sharp teeth and piercing eyes, a living replica of Nightmare Moon. With a single motion, it dove into the audience, and vanished, scattering clouds of smog between them. But despite its sudden disappearance, one could not help but feel as if its malicious eyes were still peering through the mists.
Even I got caught up in the moment. Not just because I wanted to savor the whole experience, (I already knew the gist of it from the episode) but because this time I could fully appreciate Zecora’s mastery of arcane arts. Although it was technically a combination of alchemy and geomancy, her performance still looked like unicorn magic. My working theory was that the zebra had filled the clearing with reactive particles and was projecting an image onto them like a movie theatre, but she also could have been puppeteering a mirage. Of course, both guesses were probably wrong.
Zecora entranced her young audience as masterfully as she brewed a potion. It wasn’t enough to simply tell the story of Nightmare Moon, the fillies had to feel that they were a part of the tale as well. Their candy, their own fright, even the disguises they wore all had a part to play in the legend of when nightmares roamed the forest. Whatever she had been before, Nightmare Moon had become Equestria’s nameless fear. The boogey man. The spook. She was the shadow in the corner of your eye. It was her malice that caused you to fear the dark. It was her hunger that thirsted after your unwary soul.
By the end of Zecora’s presentation, all the fillies (and Pinkie Pie) were more than happy to sacrifice their treasure trove of candy if it meant distracting “Nightmare Moon” from devouring them. As per tradition, candies were flung at the grey stone hooves of the nightmare’s statue before the group of ponies beat a hasty retreat back into the lights of Ponyville. However, just as Pinkie Pie overturned her own sack of goodies, something unexpected happened.
A cold breeze, sudden and unyielding, swept through the little clearing. All at once, Zecora’s clouds of green ash were dispelled and the thread of her story unraveled. Everypony looked uneasily at the sky where large swaths of coal-black clouds were closing in like theatre curtains. It was only with this sudden change that I realized how utterly still the night had been before. Every eye was turned upwards and every breath was held, except for Pinkie Pie, that is. Even with her gaze focused on the clouds, I caught her trying to shovel candy back into her bag. Finally, in a burst of cold white light, a shape fell towards Ponyville.
“What’s that thing Bane says? ‘Speak of the devil, and he shall appear’? Ooh! I just thought of another costume collaboration.”
The object was larger than a pegasus, but smaller than any airship. It was a sky chariot, a soaring vehicle with a long hull sculpted like a black marble spearhead and pulled through the sky by two muscular winged stallions. Their featherless bat’s wings guided the craft through the swirling wind while their lone passenger sat serenely in her seat. The Princess of the Night had arrived.
“It’s Nightmare Moon! Run!” Fueled by sugar and panic, Pinkie Pie bolted back towards Ponyville with all the fillies hot on her tail. Ironically, that was also the destination of the sky chariot. It swooped low over the treetops, scattering leaves into the growling wind.
“Come on!” I gestured to Twilight and we joined Zecora and the mayor as they hurried back into town.
Just as our feet (and hooves) touched cobblestone, the chariot stopped. It hung in the air like a gavel until its single occupant confidently stepped off her platform and drifted down through the rooftops. With the way her heavy cloak rose around her and the lightness with which her silver-clad hooves touched the streets, the princess gave off an air as tragic and beautiful as watching a flower petal sink through water. Even when she doffed her hood and Ponyville got their first real look at their princess, it was with the same serene poise and iron grace.
“Princess Luna!” Twilight Sparkle gasped. She and I seemed to be the only ones smiling at the arrival of Equestria’s ruler. The rest of the ponies in the square were silent, glancing at each other uneasily, even wearing expressions of utter confusion. Without any better course of action, many of them merely bowed to the ground and hid their faces with the rest quickly following suit. It didn’t help make her look any less intimidating when her cloak evaporated into a cloud of flitting bats, or that she lifted her alicorn wings to their fullest extent. Princess Luna inclined her chin and cut through the awkward silence,
“CITIZENS OF PONYVILLE,” Her voice boomed, “WE HAVE GRACED YOUR TINY VILLAGE WITH OUR PRESENCE SO THAT YOU MIGHT BEHOLD THE REAL PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT! A CREATURE OF NIGHTMARES NO LONGER, BUT INSTEAD, A PONY WHO DESIRES YOUR LOVE AND ADMIRATION!”
“Wow. Not one to beat around the bush, is she?” As expected, nopony around me knew how to properly respond to that declaration. The princess continued,
“TOGETHER, WE SHALL CHANGE THIS DREADFUL CELEBRATION INTO A BRIGHT AND GLORIOUS FEAST!” The distinction between Luna’s voice and a thunder clap was made even blurrier as the end of her sentence was punctuated by a rolling echo of real thunder from her storm clouds. It was spectacular, but only served to muddle the meaning of her words further.
“Did you hear that, everypony? Nightmare Moon says she’s gonna feast on us all!” Pinkie Pie scampered to her hooves and once more flew into a panic, scattering candy wrappers and feathers in all directions. And, once more, her underage entourage followed suit. Now it was Princess Luna’s turn to look confused.
“What? No, children, no! You no longer have reason to fear us. Screams of delight are what your princess desired, not screams of terror!”
At that point, I thought it was high time for some interference.
“Princess Luna! Welcome to Ponyville!” My solitary voice floated above the pony’s heads. Ignoring the shocked stares cast up at me, ignoring the fact that Spike was tugging my cuirass, and ignoring how feeble my voice sounded compared to the princess’s, I began to wade my way through the crowd.
Out of all the episodes of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, I found none so confusing or a moral so feeble as those presented in ‘Luna Eclipsed’. Despite watching the episode more than twice, I still couldn’t fathom why Ponyville, a locale famed for its hospitality and forgiveness, would present such a cold reception to their princess. In my mind, it was insensitive of them to behave in such a way towards a pony who clearly needed their help and acceptance, so I felt it was my duty as a Ponyvill-ite and friend to break the ice. (In lieu of our usual ice-breaker, Pinkie Pie.)
“AND TO YOU, YOUNG MARK! WE BID THEE GOOD EVENING!” The princess turned her powerful vocal chords on me and the resulting shockwave nearly blew my helmet off.
“It’s an honor to have you visit our humble town.” I simultaneously bowed and cast a glance at the faces around me as if to say, ‘Right? Guys?’. “To what do we owe the pleasure?”
“WE HAVE COME FOR REASON OF THIS FARCE OF A CELEBRATION THAT HAS BEEN CULTIVATED IN OUR ABSANCE!” Luna spoke as if her very voice could vanquish the caricatures of her hanging around the town. (To her credit, it probably could.) “SUCH MISAPPROPRIATION WILL NO LONGER BE TOLERATED AND WE HAVE COME TO SHOW OUR SUBJECTS THE ERRORS OF PROPOGATING SUCH INACCURATE TRADITIONS!”
“Well, I believe we have just the pony to talk to about that.” I gestured towards a fluffy rainbow wig pressed tightly to the ground. “Mayor Mare? May I introduce you to her highness, Princess Luna?”
The wig shivered like jelly and a squeaking noise rose from the mare as she looked up, but I chose to believe it came from her clown nose. Princess Luna took a pace towards the mayor and jabbed a foreleg at her.
“MADAME MAYOR, THY PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT HATH ARRIVED!” With a small gasp, the mayor’s face vanished beneath her wig again. Both Luna and I blinked in surprise.
“What is the matter with you?” Luna’s voice lost its edge. I agreed; the pony’s reactions were unprecedented. The princess turned her gaze to another pony. Then another and another. All of them shied away like abused puppies.
“Very well, then. BE THAT WAY!” After the slightest of hesitations, Princess Luna actually retreated from the ponies. “WE WON’T EVEN BOTHER WITH THE TRADITIONAL ROYAL FAREWELL.” Despite how she carried her head high and marched out of the town square with measured stride, it seemed to me that the strength had suddenly vanished from the princess’s demeanor. Her throat was tight and her eyes shimmered more than before.
“What on earth was that!?” In shock, I turned back towards the mayor. “Madam Mayor, what was that all about? How is that any way to welcome a princess?”
“What-what should I have said?” The bright red nose looked up at me helplessly. “I didn’t expect to be meeting a princess so suddenly. And she looked so angry!”
“Unbelievable…” I shook my head. “If you had said anything, it would have been better than that!” My words may have been sharp, but they were fire-and-forget. I spun on my heel and began trotting after the princess. By unspoken accord, Twilight Sparkle wound her way through the crowd to join me and together we pursued the lonely figure of Princess Luna. Our path led right back to the foot of Nightmare Moon’s statue.
The mare of the night lay on the ground like an abandoned rose. Her breathing was slow and deep and the aura of her mane rippled heavily. The sneering stone image above her cast a heavy shadow, pressing unyieldingly upon her shoulders and suffocating her in the silent indictment of her past sins. It was a dreadful poetry, and it stunned me into silence to see it so starkly portrayed in front of my own eyes. It was Twilight Sparkle who finally cleared her throat and broke the spell,
“Princess Luna?” Instantly, the princess’s head lifted to its former posture. “Hi, my name is-”
“Star Swirl the Bearded.” Luna looked down her muzzle at the pair of us. “Commendable costume! Though even got the bells right.”
“Thank you! Finally! Somepony who gets my costume!” The purple unicorn smirked up at me.
“Plot twist: I never said I DIDN’T know who Star Swirl was.” I folded my arms and smirked back. “And I’m sorry, but you’re kind of fun to fluster.”
“Hmmph!” My friend snorted.
“Anyway!” With an apologetic smile, I turned back to Luna. “You probably don’t know who I’m dressed as, but-”
“You must be Scorpan. Her Star Swirl the Bearded costume is more accurate, but we admire the collaboration between you two.”
“Scorpan?” My smile dropped like an autumn leaf. “Who’s- oh! You mean SCORPAN, Scorpan? Wow. I didn’t even think of that. Guess it makes sense, though. Horns? Check.” (Well, ears, horns, same thing.) “Biped? Check. Hairy? You should have seen the look on Rarity’s face when I bought up all her faux fur.”
“If not Star Swirl the Bearded’s friend, then who-?”
“Just a hero from Earth stories. Not even a traditional hero, either. I actually wish I had come up with your idea earlier. That would have been a good co-op, right, Twi?”
“I’m still trying to understand how you know who Scorpan is.” The unicorn wondered. “How much history do you know?”
“Only the relevant parts…” I muttered half-heartedly. My eye caught the uncomfortable expression on Princess Luna’s face. Despite my attempts to lighten up the mood, it was still plain to see that she didn’t know why Twilight and I had interrupted her melancholy. The purple unicorn offered,
“Uh, we just came to welcome you to our celebration. My actual name is-”
“Twilight Sparkle.” Luna puffed out her chest and engaged her caps lock, “IT WAS THOU WHO UNLEASHED THE POWERS OF HARMONY UPON US AND TOOK AWAY OUR DARK MIGHT! Twilight fought to recover from the sudden burst of gusto.
“And… that was a good thing, right?”
“BUT OF COURSE!” The princess continued as if she were giving a speech at an assisted living facility. “WE COULD NOT BE HAPPIER. IS THAT NOT CLEAR?”
“Well, you kinda sound like you’re yelling at me.” Twilight glanced towards me for help.
“BUT THIS IS THE TRADITIONAL ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE! IT IS TRADITION TO SPEAK USING THE ROYAL ‘WE’ AND TO USE SUCH VOLUME WHEN ADDRESSING OUR SUBJECTS!”
“First I’ve heard it.” (Technically not a lie) “If I remember correctly, you didn’t command so much, shall we say, ‘presence’, at the Grand Galloping Gala.”
“’TWAS SIMPLE COUTESY, MARK.” The booming voice turned on me. “SUCH PROJECTION IS NOT REQUIRED WHEN ONE SPEAKS FROM WITIN THE PALACE.”
“I guess that makes sense. But you take the concept of an ‘inside voice’ to a whole new level.” Couldn’t blame her, though. The thought of having a Gala a thousand years ago full of ponies all trying to use the royal Canterlot voice at the same time was terrifying. Not to mention, Luna had also told me that she didn’t exactly want to be the center of attention when I first met her.
“You know,” Twilight offered, “that might explain why your appearance was met with... mixed results. I think if you just changed your approach a bit, you might be met with a warmer reception.”
“Fallacy!” I jabbed a finger at my friend. “I think it’s the townsponies who are at fault here. Princess Luna came all this way to celebrate with them, to acquaintance herself with them, and to perhaps dispel some of the rumors circulating about her and what do they do? They alienate her! They hide from her! Sure, there might be some strange thousand-year-old cultural differences to muddle communications, but they didn’t even try to overcome that! Their muzzles kissed dirt and didn’t come up again until she had left.” Even though I was trying to defend her, my words brought a pained expression to Luna’s eyes.
“Mark, you mentioned that America doesn’t have any royalty,”
“Unless you count Hollywood.”
“so you may not understand this, but having a princess approach you is a very big deal. You’ve seen how excited the whole town gets when Princess Celestia stops by for tea. The entire day is focused on her. Nopony was expecting Princess Luna to visit and I think most of them were just embarrassed.”
“Ok, I’ll buy that. Grudgingly, but I’ll buy it.” I pouted. “But it still just shows how much she’s putting herself out there, you’d think at least a couple ponies would do the same in response.”
“DO NOT BLAME OUR SUBJECTS FURTHER” The big voice was back. “THEY HAVE REASON TO FEAR US AND OUR UMBER MAGICS. ALL THEY KNOW OF US IS OUR SHAMEFUL PAST AND WE HAVE DONE NOTHING YET TO ATONE FOR IT. THEIR WARINESS IS NO MORE THAN WE DESERVE.”
“What?” Now it was my turn to look pained. “Please don’t say that, princess. Don’t ever say that. You’ve already been forgiven by your sister and by us, so don’t compare comeuppance against atonement anymore. Please?” Luna didn’t answer.
“I’ve got an idea.” Twilight piped up. “If you really want to appear softer and less intimidating, I’ll take you to meet my friend Fluttershy. She’s delicate and demure with the sweetest little voice.”
“Call me Toph, but I fail to see how that could help.” I snapped my fingers. “Just thought of another costume collaboration.”
“Think about it, Mark. Fluttershy’s very meek and easy to approach.”
“Easy to approach, yes, but hard to connect with. If I remember correctly, you girls and I are the first friends she’s had besides her animals. You think somehow that demeanor will just transfer over to Princess Luna?”
“Well, if we’re going to help the princess change her approach, it would help to have an example.” Twilight Sparkle shrugged.
“CHANGE OUR APPROACH?” Luna asked.
“Lower the volume?”
“Ohh…” The princess blinked. “We have been locked away for a thousand years. We are not sure we can.”
“Besides, Mark,” Twilight began walking in the direction of the yellow pegasus’s cottage, “If the princess can connect with Fluttershy, she can connect with anypony!”
“I suppose…” I sighed. “It’s worth a knock.”
I was still convinced that Luna was not the one at fault in this episode. She had already suffered through more than a lifetime’s worth of misery, and it felt disrespectful to force her to change further. Yet, Twilight had more insight into pony culture and courtesies than I and even the princess admitted that she was willing (and needed) to adapt to suit this new world and her new subjects. In the end, that’s all that really mattered. Yet, no matter how many times I turned the scenario over in my head, something still felt out of place and every time I attempted to isolate the problem, the image of Pinkie Pie in a chicken suit appeared. My mind continued to formulate back-up plans for when Twilight’s ‘Operation: Shy’ failed.
Fluttershy’s cottage looked even humbler than normal, if that was even possible. I had expected the door to be shut tight and the windows dark, but I hadn’t expected the chimney to be plugged up or rags stuffed under the door or the welcome mat to be missing. It looked as if the tiny little abode wanted to vanish into the very hill it was built on. I found myself unable to imagine whether Fluttershy would have the interior of the cottage completely dark, for fear of attracting visitors, or completely lit, for fear of the dark.
As our group crept nearer, the silence was almost stifling. The loudest source of sound was the mumbling brook we walked over, and when Twilight Sparkle finally lifted a hoof to knock on the door, the sound was nigh deafening.
That is, until Fluttershy unleashed her Thu’um.
“GO AWAY! NO CANDY HERE! VISITORS NOT WELCOME ON NIGHTMARE NIGHT!” Twilight, Luna and I flinched at the sudden outburst.
“That sounded more like a Fus Ro Dah* than her usual Kaan Drem Ov**…” I muttered out of the corner of my mouth. Twilight cast a reassuring glance up at the princess and bravely leaned back towards the door,
“Fluttershy? It’s me, Twilight.” There was a moment of hesitation and then a brief scuffling from inside the house, like the sound of furniture being dragged away from the door. Eventually, the entrance cracked open and Futtershy’s timid eye peered out at us. (I also noted that the interior beyond the pegasus was dark.)
“It is you.” A mixture of surprise, relief and confusion laced the yellow pony’s voice. She dared to open the door wider. “And Mark, and ah, Nightmare Moon… Nightmare Moon!?”
“Aaannd, she’s gone.” I frowned as the door clamped shut faster than a Venus fly trap. My bearded friend laughed nervously.
“Wait right here.” And, settling her large blue hat firmly on her head, Twilight Sparkle tugged the door open and vanished inside. From where Luna and I stood, the sounds of a terrific scuffle could be heard, complete with kicked-over chairs, scraped floorboards and yipping horses. The princess’s jaw had set itself into a hard, icy line. Once again, she wasn’t exactly feeling the love.
“Wilt thou not aid her?” She asked casually.
“I fought Fluttershy once before during the Discord thing.” I yawned. “Earned me a black eye, too. Took the Elements of Harmony to get the swelling down. I’m good, thanks.” Twilight Sparkle didn’t have a black eye when she returned, pushing a petrified Fluttershy in front of her, but her false beard did look worse for the ordeal. She grunted,
“Fluttershy… You remember Princess Luna?” The alicorn inclined her head towards the petrified pegasus.
“CHARMED.”
“Likewise.” Fluttershy faltered.
I wandered away from the group a bit and rested my elbows on a low wooden railing. I still wasn’t convinced of Twilight’s problem-solving strategy and I was still unable to decipher the mystery that was ‘Luna Eclipsed’.
As far as I could recall, the episode was merely the same running gag over and over again until the finale finally ended it. Luna appeals to the ponies over and over again and consequently gets her feelings stomped on over and over again by rude individuals who refuse to look beyond her past and see that she just wants to connect with them. Rinse and repeat this vicious and unfair cycle until Twilight Sparkle suddenly says ‘it’s all in good fun’ and then the situation is magically resolved. Why? Because friendship!
“Hmmph!” I snorted. Just putting the scenario in those words caused my blood to run hot.
A distant scream split the air. I lifted my eyes just in time to see a neon-pink pony and a hoard of young ponies fleeing down the road. Pinkie Pie had triggered her third fear-for-all since the princess had arrived. Fourth or fifth, if you were counting the entire evening.
“Getting real tired of your Wuld Nah Kest***, Pinkie Pie.” I inhaled sharply. The pink chicken’s appearance was almost too coincidental to simply write off as television anymore. I got the distinct impression that Pinkie Pie was intentionally seeking out Luna just to run from her again. And with each cycle, it was getting harder for the princess to conceal her hurt.
“Nay, children, no, wait…” The intimidating gusto had fallen from Luna’s voice, but it was impossible to tell if this was from Fluttershy’s “training”, or from the renewed rejection.
“Don’t take it too seriously, princess.” I offered, returning to where the girls stood. “Especially concerning Pinkie Pie. They’re just being, well, silly.” (And, by “silly”, of course, I meant they were being bratty little horse apples.) Despite how more and more of my thoughts were painting Pinkie Pie as the evening’s antagonist, I managed to summon a bright visage for the princess, “If we’re all done here, we can finally clear things up for real.”
“Oh? What’s your plan?” Twilight asked.
“The ponies don’t know how to approach you, right? There’s a social disconnect?” Luna’s ears folded back at my words, but I smiled all the brighter. “So, we tear down those barriers. We get you among the ponies, interacting with them, playing with them, learning about them as they learn about you.” And, cue ‘Getting to Know You’ from The King and I.
“My thoughts exactly, and I know just the pony to get us off on the right hoof.” The purple unicorn gently touched Luna’s shoulder. “Come on, princess. Time for ‘plan B’.”
It should come as no surprise to anyone reading this that the pony Twilight had in mind was none other than down-to-earth Applejack. The farm pony was hospitable, encouraging, perceptive and trusted by all the other townsponies. And so, since the princess had learned how to forego her diaphragm when talking, it looked as if Applejack’s outdoor events were the perfect place to ease into social interactions.
Without the princess around, the town square had reverted to its normal joviality. Everywhere, the burbling sounds of ponies talking could be heard, a live band had taken the stage, and even the pumpkin catapults had been fired up. A stark contrast to the heavy heart I was walking beside.
You’d think that a dragon-slayer, a hairy wizard and a lunar goddess would fit right in at a costume party, but as we pressed back into Ponyville, we felt as alienated as a trio of oil droplets in a glass of water. Wherever the princess glanced, ponies shriveled under her gaze. Our path left a swath of bodies behind us that not even Kratos could match. Embarrassment was pouring off the Princess of the Night and Twilight and I were close enough to shower in it.
“It is of no use, Twilight Sparkle.” Luna’s eyes swept over another knot of ponies. “They have never liked us. And they never shall.” My stomach writhed as if I had just swallowed a live eel.
“Princess,” I whispered, “You can’t say that.”
“We speak only of what we see.” Her voice was steely. “There is no rest to be found amongst our presence. Perhaps it would be best for all if we were to remove ourselves from this… carnival.”
“Is that why you were so quick to excuse yourself when you first arrived?” The thought was very humbling. “You didn’t want them to feel uncomfortable on your account?”
No answer.
“That’s considerate of you, princess, but unnecessary.” I nodded to Twilight Sparkle. “We’ll clear this up, I promise.”
“That is gracious of you to say, but prithee, do not promise that which is beyond thy power.” I gave a dry laugh,
“Perhaps I should have dressed as John-117, then. Because ‘when I make a girl a promise, I keep it!’” And just like that, the episode became personal. I saw too much of myself in Luna to leave it be. Were it not for the girls, I would have had a hard time integrating with Equestrian society and now it was my turn to return the favor. It was stupid for Luna to encounter such resistance when all she wanted to do was dispel misunderstandings, and I was willing (and able) to use all my power as a brony-in-Equestria to deliver the happy ending she deserved. From beneath my horned helmet, my eyes began scanning for any sign of the notorious Pinkie Pie. Little Pip was over by the apple bobbing station with Applejack, but the chicken nugget herself was nowhere to be found.
“Hey, Applejack!” Twilight caught the earth pony’s attention.
“Hey, Twi-uh!” At the sight of Princess Luna standing behind her, Applejack collapsed onto the ground like a boneless… well… scarecrow. Twilight leaned forward,
“Uh, Applejack? The princess is looking for a little advice on how to fit in around here.”
“’Fit in’? Really?” Like Mr. Gibbs, AJ could always be counted on the say what everyone was thinking. Twilight leered at the earth pony while I made a helpless gesture towards the princess. To our relief, Applejack quickly registered what we were trying to do and her old-fashioned hospitality kicked into high gear.
“I mean… that’s easy!” She popped up like a daisy and sidled right up to her highness. “All you gotta do is have the right attitude. Loosen up a bit! Be positive! Play a few games, have some fun.” Pretty much everything I had already said, but less dramatic and broody.
“Fun?” Luna hefted her royal eyebrow. “What is this ‘fun’ thou speakest of?”
A frown pulled my mouth down while my brow arched in surprise.
“Deah me. Zis case isht more serious than I zought!” Apparently, ‘fun’ was either a recent invention or a frivolity that the princess had long ago cut out of her schedule.
Fortunately, Applejack didn’t miss a beat. She led our group over to where a row of what looked like fish nets were hung on spindly frames next to buckets of Velcro spiders. The good ‘ol spider toss. Like any good lawn game, the rules were simple enough to be instinct, yet challenging enough for fierce competition. Within moments, the invisible starch that had bound Luna’s limbs began to fall away and a smile actually broke across her face.
I won the first game, throwing overhand, but the princess beat me in the rematch and then went on to a decisive victory against Twilight. All the while, I kept casting furtive glances behind me and saw, to my satisfaction, a growing crowd of curious onlookers. At first, they were wary, then intrigued, then finally they too began to join the princess.
After Luna moved on to the pumpkin catapults, I casually offered to find some snacks for her and vanished into the crowd. My real mission, of course, was to plant myself by the corner of a food stall and keep an eye out for anypony who would dare disrupt the princess’s ‘fun’ tutelage. As far as I could tell, Big Bird still hadn’t returned.
“May I have a moment?” A lofty voice quipped from beside me. With half an elephant ear still clamped between my teeth, I spun around to see a bright red nose and a fluffy rainbow wig.
“Mayor Mare!” I quickly swallowed. “How can I help you?”
“Well, that’s just it. You’ve done a marvelous job.”
“Huh?” My face fell blank.
“I wanted to thank you for stepping up and entertaining the princess for us. I know things were a little rocky there for a moment, but you’ve really pulled through and I can’t tell you what a relief it is to see Nightm- I mean, Princess Luna enjoying our little town.”
“Well, it wasn’t all me, you know. Twilight had a hoof in welcoming the princess too.” I glanced back to the alicorn’s growing crowd of admirers. There was a thud as a pumpkin shattered against its target and a hearty cheer filled the air. (It was uncanny how good Luna was at artillery games.)
“Oh, for sure! It’s just, I felt I owed you my personal gratitude after my little, well, hiccup earlier this evening. And I’m so glad I was able to catch you like this.” The Mayor adjusted her nose over her muzzle. “I wanted to ask you about a couple ideas I had for making the princess fell more welcome. Now that it looks like she’s staying, that is.”
“Sure…” My mouth answered automatically, but my attention was above the mayor and a little to the right. A large flightless bird had just ducked behind the candied chestnut stand.
“Excellent. Now, I know a parade is a little ambitious to organize on such short notice, but I thought it would be nice if we converted the stage into a banquet table and perhaps held a little costume competition in front of the princess. Of course, we can fetch the nice chair for her and as for the prizes-”
“I don’t know… it looks like she’s having fun with just the way things are.” I began leaning to and fro, partly to get a better view across the square, but also as a not-so-subtle hint to the mayor that I wasn’t listening.
“Well, of course, but she is a princess, after all, and it just wouldn’t do to have her come and go without so much as a welcoming committee. If you’re free, could I count on you to rearrange some of the hanging lights? You see, I thought we could…” The mayor babbled on for a few seconds longer while a severe case of the fidgets seized me. I tapped my foot, cleared my throat, even cantered in place, but nothing penetrated the obtuse rainbow wig.
Pinkie Pie was circling, attracted by the scent of candy in the water. Around her, about seven pint-sized pilot fish trolled along in her wake. They were winding ever closer to Luna’s circle of fans.
“Madam Mayor,” I finally cut off the mare, “I know you’re the head pony for a reason, but I just don’t see the logic in changing up Nightmare Night. I mean, that defeats the purpose of Luna coming here to learn about our traditions after all, and I’m sorry, but I’ve really got to get back to-”
“Aaah! Nightmare Moon is gobbling Pipsqueak! Everypony run!”
“… Mushrooms…” My chin fell onto my chest.
Before anypony knew what had happened, the fragile stitches tying Luna to the ponies around her were torn open and the rift between them bled worse than ever. The princess finally lashed out at Pinkie and Pip with her iconic,
“’TIS A LIE!” and any ease she had fostered between her and the townsponies vanished like smoke. It didn’t help that her idea of a funny distraction involved casting a life spell on a bowl of spider beanbags. Or that the animated arachnids crawled right up and over Cherry Berry and any other pony in their way. Mistrust boiled the night air, ponies began running, crying, shouting. For a moment, Luna’s voice tried to cut through the confusion, to try and salvage what little progress she had made in making friends, but this only added to the chaos.
“As your princess, we command you!” The Mistress of the Night lifted a single foreleg. My hands clamped over my ears just as she bellowed, “BE STILL!!”
The sky above erupted into a frothing mixture of thunder and lightning as Luna’s voice rushed throughout the valley. Her words were a blizzard, freezing everypony where they stood and reducing them to quaking bundles at her hooves. The princess’s PR department, Twilight, Applejack and I, could only look on helplessly as Luna finally gave up trying to win the hearts of her subjects. She had accepted their rejection.
“Princess, remember! Watch the screaming!” Twilight tried to speak up, but the dark alicorn rounded on her with cold fire in her eyes.
“NO, TWILIGHT SPARKLE! WE MUST USE THE ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE FOR WHAT WE ARE ABOUT TO SAY.” Luna rose above the crowd, figuratively and literally, as her wings churned the calm night into a galloping thunderstorm. Her scowl was as fathomless as the ocean as she addressed Ponyville. “SINCE YOU CHOOSE TO FEAR YOUR PRINCESS RATHER THAN LOVE HER, AND DISHONOR HER WITH THIS INSULTING CELEBRATION, WE DECREE THAT NIGHTMARE NIGHT SHALL BE CANCELED! FOREVER!”
At that point, sending a letter to Princess Celestia to let her know how things were going in Ponyville would have been redundant. With her voice filling the sky itself, it was a marvel that Luna’s voice hadn’t broken any nearby windows.
The princess retreated, the night grew quiet once again, and slowly, the ponies looked around at what remained of their beloved holiday.
“Shoot.” Applejack kicked aside a piece of soiled apple despondently.
The town square looked like it had been picked up and set back down by a tornado. In the confusion surrounding Luna’s outburst, much of the Nightmare Night paraphernalia and décor had been knocked over and trampled. Not unlike Luna’s feelings, if I were to make a comparison. I surveyed the scene alongside Star Swirl and the Scarecrow with my arms crossed.
“We had everything goin’ our way.” The earth pony sighed. “Luna was happy, everypony in town was happy… Now look at ‘em.”
“Still not Luna’s fault.” I grumbled.
“Hey, now. ‘Tain’t nopony else’s fault neither.” Applejack soothed.
“Oh, I don’t know about that…” My eyes rested on a white feather lying on the street. “Seems our little Pinkie Pie has been quite the agitator this evening.”
“She’s just havin’ fun. That’s all.”
“Whatever.” I sighed. “Guess it doesn’t matter now.”
“It’s not over yet.” Twilight Sparkle spoke with renewed determination.
“What are you gonna do?” Applejack asked.
“I’m going to do what I do best. Lecture her!” The purple unicorn declared.
“Right. Because that worked so well for Anna when Elsa was depressed.”
“Who?”
“The point is, Twilight,” I explained, “Luna doesn’t need a critic. I get the feeling she’s already blaming herself for everything that’s gone wrong. No, what she needs is a sympathetic ear.”
“Well, we can’t let her cancel Nightmare Night. It’s one of the most popular celebrations we have.” Twilight explained.
“Forget about the celebration! We’re talking about losing a friend here! If Luna can’t make amends tonight, then why should she ever try again? Think about it. She’ll just go back to being a recluse and we’ll have another Nightmare Moon scenario on our hands. Maybe not tonight, maybe not a hundred years from now, but it will be inevitable and it will be worse than ever before.”
“Alright mister raincloud, that’s enough gloom for now.” Applejack turned towards me. “If’n you think you can help the princess, then you’d best go find her. Don’t let her fly back to Canterlot with a chip on her shoulder.”
“Then, what should I do?” Twilight Sparkle asked.
“You should make like Kevin Skinner and go chicken wrangling.” I began walking in the direction Luna had vanished. “We have one last chance to solve this and I think it all our problems can be traced back to Pinkie Pie. If we can’t fix things between her and Luna, then everything else is pointless.”
“How am I supposed to do that?” The unicorn yelled at my back.
“I don’t know. Lay a trail of Jolly Ranchers or something. I’ll meet you behind the post office.”
“Pinkie Pie? I don’t think she’s the mare you wanna…” But I didn’t hear the rest of whatever Applejack was saying. Everypony’s patience had worn dangerously thin and even the simple act of trying to convince the princes to meet with her rejecters once more would be pushing our luck. For better or for worse, this episode would be decided by this next scene.
That’s not to say that I had forgotten how the episode was supposed to go, but as stated before, this felt nothing like the scenario in the show. The cannon material wasn’t any clearer to me, and the reality I found myself in was brutally unjust to all parties involved. The night had already supplied everypony with a heaping share of discontent and if the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results, then Luna was already madder than a hatter escorting Kefka to the Joker’s surprise party for Pelagius Septim III.
I found the princess on the fringes of town, traipsing over a lonely bridge hung above a tiny stream. Her once-proud head was hung low and her once-strong steps dragged beneath her. She looked up with glassy eyes at my approach, but I didn’t try to talk to her. I merely positioned myself up against the bridge’s railing and stood by quietly. Finally, after a good thirty seconds of silence, she spoke up,
“Did you have something to say, Mark?”
“Nope.” I leaned back to admire the stars. They winked subtly as another moment of silence passed.
“Then, do you require something of us?”
“No.”
“We do not understand. Why have you followed us here?” She asked pointedly. My eyes locked with hers and I explained,
“To remind you that you’re not alone.” At this, she blinked uncertainly. I clarified, “Everyone needs a moment of quiet every once in a while, a chance to collect their thoughts, and if anypony deserves such a moment, it’s you, but trust me, princess, solitude is the last thing you need.”
“Indeed. Socialization has been so advantageous to us, after all.” She said with more than a little salt in her voice.
“I admire you.” I tried to pacify her. “Honestly, I do. Coming here tonight and going head-to-head with centuries-old misconceptions like you did tonight takes more courage than I’ve got. But all the progress you made tonight will be for nothing if you just retreat from everyone again.”
“Yet that’s exactly what they want me to do.” Luna glowered.
“Now, be logical. Who in their right mind would rather make an enemy than a friend? They might still be nervous, even intimidated, but I promise you, these ponies would rather connect with you than fear you.”
“Yes.” She rolled her dark eyes. “I can tell by all the adoring shrieks of the children as they run away.”
“I guess I can only write it off as a misunderstanding so many times…” I hefted myself off the railing. “Well, as your friend, I find it’s my duty to tell you-”
“To go and make a fool of myself yet again?”
“-to do what you want.” I looked down at Luna while she stared back. For a moment, the only thing that moved was the liquid silver river glittering beneath us. When she spoke, it was slowly, as if afraid that she misheard me,
“You are… not going to demand we meet with our citizens again?”
“No. I’m not.” I softened my tone. “You’re not a child, and I’m not going to tell you how to live your life. But, as your friend, I’ve told you what I think is wise, and I can continue to encourage you, but what you do is ultimately up to you. As your friend, I’m going to stand behind whatever your decision is because I trust you.” I opened my hands helplessly. “That’s what friends do, right?”
“Then… Then what would you have us do? We want to believe the best of our charges, to hope that they will one day love us as they do our dear sister, but each attempt thus far has only suppressed such ambitions. We would be remiss to quench this hope after only one night.”
“Twilight Sparkle and I believe we have an idea.” I expounded. “You remember Pinkie Pie? Element of Laughter? Well, I guess she hasn’t really been living up to that title recently, has she? Anyway, Twilight and I think she’s been the most… obstinate… pony to introduce you to. So, we’ve ‘arranged’ a little one-on-one. No crowds, no games, no stampede. If it works, and you two connect, then there’s nopony in all of Equestria that you couldn’t befriend.” I gave a shallow bow and began walking away. “Of course, it’s up to you if you want to try once more or not. It’s your ‘hope’ you’re putting out there.”
At first, I wondered if my pitch had fallen on its face. After all, in Skyrim I never got my ‘speech’ skill above 40. Much to my relief, the sound of silver-shod hooves began to tentatively follow me. Hope was a notoriously difficult thing to quench. No matter how many tears try to drown it, it always picks itself up for one more flicker.
The princess and I found Twilight Sparkle behind the post office just as planned and, much to my amusement, the bearded student had actually gone ahead and laid out a trail of wrapped candies for Pinkie Pie. Even better was that it actually worked. Within minutes, a soft clucking sound could be heard approaching from the remains of the town square. A pink pony, covered in down and topped with a bright red comb wandered into the alley where Twilight, the princess and I stood, her bright blue eyes twitching in sporadic, random directions like those of a Pikka bird.
Closer and closer our prey crept, all her attention focused on nothing more than the next piece of candy in front of her. A box propped up by a stick would have worked just as well judging by the amount of situational awareness Pinkie Pie was displaying. As it happened, though, we didn’t need anything so fancy. Just when Chicken Little was close enough for us to smell the chocolate on her, Twilight Sparkle pounced. In a blur of blue and bells, the purple unicorn pinned the Pie against the alley’s wall and stuffed a hoof in her mouth.
“No! No shrieking. No screaming or squealing either, okay?” Twilight ordered.
“MmKmm…” Pinkie Pie whimpered around the hoof.
“There’s something I want you to see. And I promise that it’s safe, but you really, really, really can’t shriek.” Twilight lowered her voice. “Do you promise not to shriek?”
The pink pony nodded in consent, her wide eyes filled with apprehension and concern. Satisfied, Twilight Sparkle gestured to where Luna and I were standing. The princess collected her poise and stepped forward, her velvet hide almost one with the shadows of the alley. Pinkie’s jaw fell slack at the imposing alicorn standing above her, but remembered her promise to Twilight just in time to catch a little squeal from escaping her lips. Twilight held out a hoof of peace between the two ponies.
“Pinkie Pie, you remember Princess Luna, right?”
“Ah, the ringleader of the frightened children.” Watching Luna swallow her derision was like watching a snake swallow a cactus, but somehow she managed. Dropping the last of her lofty station, the princess offered, “Hast though… come to make peace?”
For a moment, I thought I saw a connection between the two ponies. Luna was no longer a nightmare, but a lonely pony in need of a friend and Pinkie Pie was, after all, the very fount of friendship. It should have been a perfect match, should have been from the very beginning, but just as the two ponies smiled and reached out to shake each other’s hooves, I was hit with a nauseating wave of deja-vu. M. A. Larson wasn’t done with antagonizing Luna yet.
Had the alley always been so dark?
“Rainbow! Don’t-” My plea was trampled beneath a stampede of sound as the alley was drowned in a torrent of thunder. Lightning blossomed in the sky above our group like a blitzing and for an instant, Luna’s black silhouette was framed by its white fire. Pinkie Pie bolted, Twilight flinched, and Luna’s hoof withered. As my hearing slowly returned, I could hear the breathless giggling of Rainbow Dash atop her little storm cloud.
“Why!? Darn it, Dash, why?” I fulminated. “Everything was finally going well! This was it, this was working, and you had to muck it up!” My words chased after the troublemaking pegasus as she vanished back over the rooftops, giggling all the while.
Twilight Sparkle evaporated in a burst of pink light, teleporting after the scared-y chicken. Princess Luna wilted to the ground, speechless and despondent. She wasn’t going to say anything more, so I ranted for her. I stormed up and down the alley, fuming,
“This just doesn’t make any sense! What am I missing? Was I really wrong after all this time? Is it really that impossible for these ponies to get over their own stupid preconceptions? Why can’t they just look at you like a real person like any sane pony? How can they keep on rejecting you? Is this some kind of game? A cruel joke? And by Pinkie Pie, of all ponies! She’s the friendliest pony in the whole world! And she’s been the worst of them all! What could she be thinking? Running away time after time? What’s up with that? She can’t even get scared!-”
The passionate flames in my chest suddenly decided to take the ice bucket challenge. My scowling eyes snapped open and my words caught in my throat. I cautiously lifted a finger.
“Say that again…” I gasped.
“We have said nothing.” Luna looked up from her glum posture uncertainly.
“Wasn’t talking to you.” The finger remained in the air. “Pinkie Pie can’t get scared... She proved that. I know that. When she went up against Nightmare Moon, she was the only one who could resist the fear she attacked them with…”
“Indeed, but that was not me. I prithee, understand-”
“Your highness, please, this is important.” I still didn’t look at her, my eyes staring into the past. “Something doesn’t add up. Pinkie’s heart is too light to be dragged down by fear. Laughter is the antidote to fear. She shook off the actual Nightmare Moon, but she runs from you. Why? If she can’t get scared, then that means what? She’s acting? She’s playing? She wants to be scared?” That was it. “She… wants to be scared? Could it really be...?”
“Fun?” At the end of the alley, Twilight Sparkle was having the exact same epiphany. From atop her quarry, the book horse’s mouth fell open. When she regained control of it, she exclaimed, “Pinkie Pie, you’re a genius!”
“No, I’m not. I’m a chicken! B-cawk!”
“Princess Luna!” Twilight hopped off Pinkie and galloped back to where the alicorn was lying in the dirt. “I’ve finally figured it out!”
“Me too!” I squealed.
“I’ve finally figured out why you’re having so much trouble being liked!” The unicorn announced. The smile dropped from my face like sandbags from a hot air balloon. Luna commented dryly,
“Forgive me if I withhold my enthusiasm…”
“Yeah, Twilight, there’s a little thing called ‘tact’.”
“Well, how would you say it?” The librarian bristled. The elation returned to my face as I cleared my throat.
“Luna, it’s not a problem with the townsponies after all! Turns out it’s a problem with you!” My grin stagnated. “That sounded better in my head.”
“It wasn’t much better, no.” The princess assented.
“But hear me out. It’s a problem with me, too. And maybe even Twilight, otherwise she would have seen it sooner.”
“Hey!”
“You see, this is our first Nightmare Night. Because of that, we missed the whole point of the celebration. All this time, I thought it was a festival about fear, but it’s actually a celebration about the absence of fear!”
“How do you mean?” The princess asked.
“I mean, you know what fear is. And I’m not talking about a sheet with holes cut in it, but real, true, sickness of the soul. The kind that clings to you, haunts you, taints your vision of the present and the future until all you can see is emptiness. Like a story with no happy ending. But these ponies have overcome that. Every day, they make their lives a little brighter, encourage one another, help ease one another’s cares to the point where they actually look forward to what tomorrow brings. They have no reason to worry because they’re safe.
So, a night of candy, costumes and frightening pranks is fun for them. They’re not in any real danger and that courage that they share is made even more evident by a good spook. I might even go so far as to say that dressing like a monster or decorating the town with pictures of Nightmare Moon puts a face to what scares them and actually makes it less threatening.
Nightmare Night isn’t about succumbing to what frightens us, but overcoming it.”
“We do not follow.” Luna said haltingly. “Why would they enjoy fleeing my presence?”
“You’re the legend come to life, the center of their game. You’re the haunter incarnate. Didn’t anybody play tag with you when you were little?” The princess didn’t answer. “Well, if you did, it’s the same pleasure.”
“But how does this help us? Should we return on a night when such a celebration is not underway?”
I glanced over my shoulder to the end of the alley where the ponies were still cleaning up the last debris from their stampede. My gaze alighted on Twilight Sparkle and she and I gave each other a knowing nod.
“There’s a lot of ponies out there without smiles on their faces.” I told the princess. “If you want to make it up to them, we can make this last Nightmare Night one for the history books.”
“How do you mean?”
“I have an idea…” My Chesshire cat grin peeled away to reveal gleaming canines. “We’ll need to move that statue, a pair of fake fangs, and a camera… Twilight, do you think you and Zecora can convince the children to bring their candy back into the forest clearing?”
“I’ll get the mayor in on it too.” Twilight’s hat jingled as she nodded.
“And what shall we do?” Luna asked uncertainly.
“You, my dear, are going to learn how to Faas Tu Maar****, and…” I rubbed by hands together, giggling, “I shall instruct you in the sacred art of the evil laugh… Come with me. I’ll explain everything on the way.” And so, with the true spirit of Nightmare Night found, we each set off to prepare a prank nopony would forget for years to come.
The night was tired. The voluptuous moon hung low in the sky, nearly claimed by the greedy fingers of the trees. Not a leaf moved, not an insect sang, the shadows of the Everfree forest suppressed all interruptions. A little pilgrimage of colorful fillies picked their way along the path, leaving the illuminated buildings behind them and venturing into the realm of darkness. With their wide eyes, the ponies tried to pierce the forest’s twilight, but the shadows between the trees swallowed all light as surely as the moist grass swallowed their hooffalls. They were at the mercy of the forest’s wooden heart.
One-by-one, the little costumes obediently surrendered their treats to the statue of Nightmare Moon. The stone eyes watched patiently, like a spider hanging motionless from its silk. Finally, Pipsqueak added the last of his candy to the humble offering.
“Goodbye Nightmare Night… Forever.” He muttered. Then, as if the forest was waiting for him to speak, the dark boughs answered. A cold breeze caressed his cheek.
All around the clearing, the trees croaked, the twigs chittered and the grass danced as an uneasy wind skittered around the ponies. The little ones backed themselves into a bundle like a ring of wagons and even their adult escorts, Zecora, Applejack and the mayor, looked around in surprise. Finally, with a proud, almost mocking tone, the wind spoke,
“Citizens of Ponyville…” The gale increased. “You were wise to bring this candy to me. I am pleased with your offering.”
A dozen eyes darted in every direction, searching for the source of the voice, but it seemed to come from the very ground itself. There was nothing but trees, like teeth, in every direction and the statue of Nightmare Moon framed against the sky.
“SO PLEASED, THAT I MAY JUST EAT IT INSTEAD OF EATING… YOU!!” And then the statue moved.
Screams pierced the air like whistles at a track meet. Nightmare Moon, with eyes like ghostly lanterns and wings like onyx sythes, hung down over the hapless group of ponies. Some jumped, some cried, some froze, and some merely hollered for help. Thin lips peeled away from long fangs as a throaty laugh rose from the terror’s chest.
Like a pack of rabbits, the children kicked, flailed and faltered in their attempt to escape the monster hanging above them. They shot off towards Ponyville as quickly as their little legs and awkward costumes would let them. But another laugh rose up to meet them, light and jovial. I stepped out into their path with the camera in my hands and a broad grin on my face.
“Hahaha! Oh, that was priceless! I’ve never seen you guys run so fast before.”
“Mark?” Scootaloo spoke up from beneath her wolf hood. “Did you do that?”
“Nope!” I shook my head. “That was all Luna.”
“The princess?” Apple Bloom tilted her head.
“Yup! Turns out, she’s the queen of scream and she jumpedyou worse than Freddy Fazbear!” Another round of laughs.
“I wasn’t scared…” Scootaloo pouted.
“Oh?” I waved the camera incriminatingly. “Because I thought the only pony who out-screamed you was Sweetie Belle. Girl’s got quite a set of pipes there…” Rarity’s little sister blushed beneath her pale vampire makeup. “But don’t take my word for it.”
With a flourish, I slid the film out of the back of the camera and tilted it towards the light. Around me, the little ponies crowded in a circle to watch the potion develop. Slowly, the misty shapes of their faces came into view. A giggle swept through the crowd.
“Apple Bloom’s eyes are so wide!”
“Scootaloo, are you crying?”
“No!”
“Look! Your antenna fell off!”
“Ohmygosh, my heart was beating so bad.”
“I can’t believe how big Pipsqueak’s mouth got!”
“Like looking at a yawning anaconda.” I agreed.
The earlier fear had vanished like a sugar cube in water and all the children were laughing once again. Now all that was left was to share this moment with Luna.
“So, can we all agree that that was the best scare of the night?” The group nodded in agreement. “How about you, Pip? Was Nightmare Night as awesome as you hoped it would be?”
“Yeah!” Pipsqueak’s uncovered eye lit up, only to grow dim in the next moment. “Too bad we won’t be able to do it next year.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean.” I feigned a remorseful tone. “But even if this is the last Nightmare Night, don’t you think you should thank Princess Luna for making it the best one ever?” All around me, the foals exchanged glances. “Come on. She just wanted to play with you all, and nopony’s bothered to thank her yet. Maybe that’s why she thought there shouldn’t be any more Nightmare Nights.”
“So,” The little pirate’s brain was fighting to solve this conundrum. “If we tell her how much fun we had, she might visit again?”
“It’s worth a knock.” I inclined my head back to where Luna was talking with Twilight Sparkle. Pipsqueak took a tentative step forward, then broke into a run right up to the dark alicorn.
It was impossible to hear the exact conversation, but the princess’s body language was loud and clear. She was nothing short of stunned, astonished that Pipsqueak would trot back just to thank her. Then she was preoccupied with trying to decipher how fear could be so enjoyable. Finally, everything Twilight and I had been trying to tell her earlier clicked and comprehension dawned in her midnight blue eyes. Her tiny flicker of hope that she had watched wane throughout the night burst into new flame.
“Well, then…” She coughed, “we shall have to bring NIGHTMARE NIGHT BACK!”
“Whoa!” Now it was the pirate’s turn to look stunned. He ran forward and wrapped his forelegs around Luna’s hoof as far as they would go. “You’re my favorite princess ever! She said yes, guys!”
“Yes!” I pumped a fist in the air. “Now you can return Gorney’s Summerween costume!”
And from that moment on, it finally started to feel like a festival.
Twilight went off on her own to write her friendship letter about ‘sharing the gift of friendship’ and ‘discovering a whole new pony underneath’, but Luna and I were content with our own friendship lesson. It was mesmerizing, actually, to view Nightmare Night from a completely different angle than before. It was not a night to toy with fear or make light of the terrors that wander the darkest corners of our minds, but instead was a time for making peace with such fears, and reminding ourselves just how strong we are to face them.
“… see, not only does it work because there’s seven of them, but because they match their personalities as well. Twilight and Maka, Spike and Soul, Fluttershy and Tsubaki, Rainbow Dash and Black Star, Rarity and Kid, Applejack and Liz, and Pinkie and Patty. I’ve never known perfection until this moment.”
“Oh, of course.” Luna bobbed her head without understanding a word.
“And if we wanted to squeeze us in, too, you’d probably make a good Medusa. Or, you could be both Corona and Ragnarock. Yeah, that’d be perfect. Celestia could be Shinigami Sensei and I? Well, I could be Dr. Stein… At least he gets a cool coat…”
She and I were relaxing next to a churro stand, having just returned from sending Rainbow Dash scurrying over the horizon with a Strun Bah Quo***** on her tail. The fillies were being corralled into their beds and it was almost time for Luna to return to Canterlot. Even the live band had called it quits for the night. The princess swallowed a piece of candy and said,
“Though, we do wish to thank you.”
“For what?” I rubbed my tired eyes.
“This has been a delightful evening, though it did not begin that way. It was only through the efforts of yourself and Twilight Sparkle that we even stayed in Ponyville.”
“Think nothing of it, princess.”
“But that would be remiss of me.” Luna stretched a long dark wing. “You went out of your way for us far beyond what is socially required.”
“Hey, I learned just as much as you did tonight. I’m just happy I could help.”
“Even so, should you require anything if the future, we are in your debt.” My first reaction was to refuse her. After all, friendship wasn’t a game of indebtedness or collecting favors from another person, but before I spoke, my eyes alighted on Canterlot. The capital city hung off its cliff like the branches of some great tree, surrounded by the pink circle of a low moon. For a passing instant, I thought the city had a great force field around it. A giant, pink, bubble, force field. My voice didn’t sound like my own as I whispered,
“You know, I’ll let you know...”
“Does that imply that we can expect more correspondence from our human friend in the future?” Luna smirked.
“Huh? Oh!” I came back to myself with the sudden realization that I hadn’t written to her even once since the night of the Grand Galloping Gala. A wave of regret welled up inside me and I mentally kicked myself harder than a raging Bruce Lee. Had the princess been thinking about that the entire night?
“No, see, I have an excuse, honest!... I, I ran out of gas. I... I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!” I bawled.
“Fair enough.” Luna lifted a regal eyebrow.
“Actually, I just had to learn how to write first.” I shrugged.
“I see. Well, we bid thee farewell, Mark, in hopes that we shall hear from you soon.” Luna turned her gaze skyward where a long dark shape descended like a feather falling through the sky. “The time has come for our departure and our dear sister will we wanting to know how our adventure fared.”
“Celestia?” I watched as a black mist crept up Luna’s legs and condensed into her long riding cape. But before her silver-shod hooves left the ground, I had one last question, “Princess, am I right to assume that you coming here in the first place was your sister’s idea? I mean, seriously, showing up on Nightmare Night, of all nights?”
“’Twas.” The Princess of the Night flipped her hood up over her ears. “And were it not for you, I may have resented it. Thank you again.” She and I shared a knowing smile and without another word, Luna floated off the ground and ascended up to where her Cadillac of a carriage was waiting.
Of course, inviting Luna to a ceremony about Nightmare Moon was exactly the kind of thing Celestia would do. Not to be malicious, of course, but to throw Luna’s own mistaken preconceptions into the light. She arrived, convinced that the ponies still held a millennium-old grudge against her and left knowing just how far removed from Nightmare Moon she really was. What had started as a reminder of Nightmare Moon’s reign of terror had become a scene of just the opposite, a comforting reminder that though friends and family, even the Nightmares had no power anymore and Luna was finally and truly forgiven in the hearts of her people.
“Darn it!” I clicked my tongue. “I forgot to ask the princess where ‘bat-ponies’ fall into Equestrian sociology!”