The unanimous Declaration of the seven united States of Equestria,
When in the course of equine events it becomes necessary to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, a decent respect to the opinions of pony-kind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident; that all ponies are created equal, that they are endowed by the spirit of Harmony with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Ponies, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the Ponies to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that pony-kind are more disposed to suffer, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. The history of the present Princesses of Canterlot is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world...
My dear, sweet, precious little ponies,
I almost cannot put into words how absolutely adorable your little Declaration is. I will simply have to mount it on the royal refrigerator. It will fit perfectly next to the macaroni art one of my students gave me last week. I admit, it is a little sloppy and the hoof that created it obviously did not have a fully formed mind behind it, but I still think it has enough merit to be admired next to a true masterpiece.
Besides, I don’t think the kindergartener will mind.
This little message is not unexpected, I have to tell you. I have not turned a blind eye to the protests and the rallies. I have heard the cries of ‘independence’ and ‘democracy now.’ I have smelled the absolutely insane amounts of manure that have arrived from the provinces in place of taxes.
But despite all that, I truly did not expect this document until the events of a fortnight ago, when my shipment of specially prepared cakes was intercepted and dumped into Trotson Harbor. Oh, you should have seen the look on the messenger’s face when he delivered that news. Come to think of it, you actually can see the look the next time you visit the Royal Gardens. I’ve had him placed by the lilies.
Now that you have taken the next natural step of your precious little ‘revolution,’ as I’ve heard it called already, let me just offer one little promise;
You’ll be back.
Do you really think that in the long, long history of Equestria that you are the first to attempt to usurp the status quo? Really? Part of me regrets scouring the history books of the Earth Pony Rebellion that occurred just after my sister’s banishment. Maybe if you’d been taught in school about how a quarter of the Earth Pony population was executed for war crimes, you would be a little more cautious when it comes to rising up against the dominant superpower. Then of course there was the so-called New Lunar Resurgence, those aristocrats and elected officials who thought that they would bring me down and return my sister to power. Of course, I’m actually grateful for that one. My gardens were so dreadfully bare in those days. The leaders of that little uprising provided just the right aesthetic touch once they had been posed and petrified perfectly.
Oh, and most recently there was the ill-advised Crusade of 567, which is the reason for there being such a strong imbalance between the stallion and mare populations of our beautiful land. Of course, ‘recently’ for me does not mean the same as it does for you.
That’s really the point I’m trying to make here. Oceans rise, empires fall, mountains crumble, and histories are forgotten or plainly erased. Through all of that, through the passing of centuries and the exhaustive expanse of time, one thing and one thing alone stays the same.
Me.
Every revolution before yours has realized that, sooner or later. And inevitably they come crawling back, begging my forgiveness. And I give it, because I am a just and benevolent princess. I’ve just come to accept that from time to time, you all must be reminded of your proper place in the world. You are all my beloved, loyal subjects. You have always been my subjects, you will always be my subjects. And do I not serve my subjects well? Are you not protected from invaders and monsters? Are you not blessed with progressive magic and technologies? You see, we have an arrangement. I provide all those things to you, and all I ask in return is a little loyalty and adulation. Perhaps a touch of worship? Is that too much to ask, in the grand scheme of things?
Honestly, I was willing to let all this go and just sweep it all under the rug. Even your little declaration is just cute enough to earn you no ill will and a spot of fondness among foal’s art projects and my sister’s letter magnets.
But you crossed the line when you had your little ‘Cake Party,’ and I’m afraid I must see this to its inevitable conclusion. You want independence? Fine. But you will have to fight for it.
I hope you’re ready for it. I am. I will fight the fight and I will win the war.
I’ll do it for your love. Because I do love you, my little ponies. Forever and ever. You just need to be reminded of that.
And make no mistake; I will kill your friends and family to remind you of my love.
Your Loving Ruler,
Princess Celestia of Equestria