//------------------------------// // Chapter 22: Not Quite a Scientific Expedition // Story: Pessimism and Sarcasm // by Jerec the Ascendant //------------------------------// Pessimism and Sarcasm Chapter 22 Not Quite a Scientific Expedition I feel rapid poking on my cheek, and through sleep-filled eyes I see Twilight’s hoof. Then I see her face, most of which is covered with a grin. “Today’s the day!” she squeals. “Only a few more hours before departure,” she adds, materializing a clock in front of my face. I notice that the hands of the clock are quickly turning toward an image of Pinkie Pie, about to swallow an enormous cake in one bite. Twilight rubs her hooves together, giggling in excitement. “Pinkie Pie has always been a mystery to me, but today we finally discover her secrets. Woohoo!” She gallops away, that grin high in the air. “Come on, sleepyhead!” she calls over her shoulder. “You’ve still got to get ready!” “All I have to do is shower,” I call back, sitting up and rubbing my eyes. “You packed everything we’d need for a month-long stay last night.” She returns to my side in a flash. “Two months, actually. I’ve waited so long for an opportunity like this, we can’t possibly leave until I learn SOMETHING about her.” “I’m only going to stay as long as I have to, Twilight.” She crouches down and pouts her lip. “Oh, there’s no way it would take longer than that, Jake. I’m sure I’ll find at least something. Even a few minor discoveries would be enough…” I raise an eyebrow. She lets out a huge groan before saying, “Okay, I get it! As long as we need to, then discovery or no, we leave.” "Pinkie Promise?" She sighs and goes through the motions. "Can you get ready now?" "One question, Twilight,” I say. “how long is a while too you?" She smiles up at me slyly. "Long enough." "We're going to be in there until the supplies run out, aren't we?" She simply smirks at me and canters off. --- The time has arrived, and Twilight and I walk through the doors at Sugarcube Corner. I see Bon Bon at the counter, and Twilight nudges my side. I look down at her and she winks at me. “Oh please,” I groan. She laughs, and then points past the counter, where Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy are waiting, next to a very large cake. Then I notice a red X on the floor, a couple feet in front of us. I look at Twilight again, and she gives me that grin. We step forward onto the X. Fluttershy taps Rainbow’s shoulder and she looks over to see that we’re ready. The two pegasi lift the cake off the ground and fly toward the door. “Oh, hi Jake!” Rainbow says loudly, attracting Bon Bon’s attention. She waves at me when she sees me, and I swear I see her blow me a kiss before I’m blinded by cake. “Woops!” I hear Rainbow’s muffled voice. “Fluttershy, you butterhooves!” “Don’t worry, you two,” Fluttershy says. “We’ll get you out of there.” I feel Twilight shaking beside me. “Can you hear it?” she asks. I’m about to ask her what she means, but then I do hear it. The tell-tale squeak of Pinkie’s hops. "Oooh, cake! Yummy!" Suddenly we’re airborne. The cake splits apart as it falls again, just in time for us to see Pinkie’s ridiculously stretched mouth - and then we’re inside. Pinkie Pie’s tongue rolls us toward the back of her mouth, and I finally realize something. We might not survive this adventure. I face Twilight, seeing her in the dark pink light of Pinkie’s throat, cringing in the same fear. “Twi, listen. We might not make it out of this, so I just want you to know...as much as I wanted to get back home, I’m glad I ended up here.” I feel my eyes tearing up. “I’m glad I got stuck in a world with friends like you!” I turn back to our destination, and I feel her hoof on my arm. When I look at her again, she presses her furry lips against mine. My heart leaps, and I want to pull away - but I figure if we’re going to die anyway… I return the kiss and hold her closely, until we drop onto cushiony ground area. The cake is crumbled around us, and a strange pink glow fills the air as Pinkie’s stomach grows - or we shrink. Then the surroundings start to tremble, and a roaring sound echoes across the area, passing over us. Twilight and I sit there, awaiting the end. Then Pinkie burps. As she lets out a sigh of contentment, it’s apparent that nothing bad is going to happen to us. A deep blush comes to my cheeks. “Uhm,” Twilight says, similarly blushing. “About what just happened…” "Say no more, we both thought we were gonna die." "I know. I just hope this doesn’t change anything." "Twilight, people do strange things when they think they’re going to die.” I scratch my neck, hoping she’ll let the topic go. "Do you wanna talk about it?" "Not really,” she giggles, nervously. “I mean, it's not like it would get me anywhere." I sit in silence for a second, then cover my eyes with my hand. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?" “Look,” she says, facing me. “All of us have some amount of feelings for you. I know about your position on this, but it’s just a fact." I sigh. "Yeah, I know. Eventually I’m sure I’ll get used to it, since I'm stuck here and all. I guess it'll just take time." "Some of us just wish time would go faster." I feel my blush returning. "We'd better get our stuff set up, since it seems we're going to be okay after all." --- We wander about looking for a place to set up camp; Pinkie Pie’s stomach gently pulses and moves under our feet. This living world around us is filled with noise, from Pinkie's heartbeat and her breathing, to her giggles and small talk. As we go, Twilight collects samples of Pinkie, and I think she only decides on a spot to pitch our tents because she soon has too many samples to carry. We’re putting up our tents when something from the outside presses against the wall of Pinkie’s stomach. Soon it’s clear that it’s Pinkie’s own face. "Hi Jake! Hi Twilight! I found you!" "Hey Pinkie,” I say. “How did things go on your end?" She giggles. "Besides you guys and the cake being super delicious? You guys really missed out. Bon Bon was shocked when I ate you guys. She nearly fainted! How are you guys doing?" "About as well as could be expected inside a stomach," Twilight says. "How are you enjoying your date with Jake?" Twilight freezes with a blush on her face. "It's not a date Pinkie! It’s a scientific expedition!” "Jakie and Twilight sitting in me, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" Pinkie giggles gleefully. I groan and rub the back of my head. “Don’t worry, Jake! I’m sure we’ll find a way to make you a pony. Then it’ll be okay, right? What kind of pony do you think you’d be? I hope you’re an Earth pony like me! Ooh, but a pegasus would be really cool, too! I know Rainbow would like that! What kind do you think-” I finish setting up my tent and zip myself up inside it, trying to drown her out. --- Twilight and I sit together, watching the pink light swirl around the lining of Pinkie’s stomach. "Looks like it's going to be a while before I find out anything new besides the whole stomach shrink magic thing,” she says. "I hope we grow back to normal when we leave." "If we don't, I have a spell I could use." "Hopefully you mean to use it on both of us." "Why would I - oh!” She turns to me. “I wouldn't do that to you! You're my friend! Even if you weren’t, that’d be horrible." I sigh. "You said all of you have feelings for me?" She looks back up into the light. "To varying degrees, yes. Applejack won’t act on her feelings unless you turn into a pony. She’s like you in that regard.” I suppose that’s a relief. “As for Pinkie Pie and Rarity, they tease you about it a lot, I've noticed, so they probably like you a lot. You already know about Rainbow and myself. I’m not sure about Fluttershy, though. She could like you as a friend, or she could feel about you like Lyra does. You know how Fluttershy is.” “Yeah, I know.” “Just know, Jake, that we still all want to be your friends, whether or not you return our feelings." I nod slowly. "Thanks, Twilight."