SPD Emergency

by cyberlord4444

Personnel File 7: BBQ, R&D Style

Portals! Yes, that has to be it! She is doing it with portals!

Despite me vowing that I would not think about Pinkie’s crazy mane that seemed to even accommodate changelings, I couldn’t quite let it go. If I don’t understand something, it just bugs me! Be it lavatory cleaning system, coffee machine or the mystery that is Pinkie’s mane.

I hummed satisfactorily at the thought that I might have a solution for the mane mystery.

Portals. Dimensional magic I think Cruger called it. It would make sense considering that Cruger is not a unicorn and can form portals. So thinking that Pinkie has a portal in her mane would make…sense. Even though I will admit that it might seem ridiculous to use the word ‘sense’ on her. But still…it might be the only possible explanation. An explanation that is crazy and logical enough at the same time. So Pinkie Pie logic. I mean, she is taking heavy artillery out of her mane! Cruger could probably make her a trooper with that useful ability.

I was brought out of my thoughts by a slight tapping on my shoulder. I turned around to look at Fetch.

“I guess Pinkie is too hyper for you too if you go and hide in a corner?”

I blinked at that. “Wait. So you don’t like Pinkie either? I thought I was the only one!”

“I wouldn’t go that far, let’s just say I like to relax and her sugary smell makes me queasy.”

“I know what you mean. Dislike is probably too strong of a word. It’s just that she is…pink and sugary and I doubt she ever heard of the word personal space before.”

“Pink?” Fetch asked raising an amused eyebrow.

“Ugh, don’t ask. I’m not a fan of that color. I can’t say I have any good memories connecting to it.”

Some things better stay in the dark, I thought as I frowned.

Fetch seemed to catch on my morose mood and quickly changed the topic. “So are you ready to give our grill a test run?”

I nodded at that. We had already a table with the grillables placed next to the grill, on the side where they would have to go in to get grilled. On the other side we had placed a container for the grilled goods to fall into where the assembly line ended.

And that’s pretty much how we started the grilling. Pinkie was meanwhile decorating with HEART. I slightly jolted at the realization. I never asked why she was pulled out of her mane. And maybe she can prove my portal theory?

“Are you not going to eat something?” asked Fetch.

“I am, but I was just thinking about something.”

“And what were you thinking about?”

“Just why HEART is here at the moment. It seems strange to me that she is helping Pinkie with the party, out of the blue.”

“Oh, that. I haven’t talked to her yet about it, seeing how she is busy with setting everything up. But I’m positive that there is an interesting story behind it.”

I chuckled slightly. “If Pinkie is involved that is probably guaranteed.”

I mean, you could say what you want about her, even if you were not a fan of her, but she still could make the days more interesting. Not that we needed that here at R&D. Our days were interesting enough as it is and I enjoy peace every now and then.

Too bad I’m not going to find my peace today.

Perfect, I thought as I looked around.

The party was set up pretty quickly as Pinkie explained to me that it was only planned to be a small one for the R&D. It was the perfect opportunity to befriend Steam Gear!

Sure I hadn’t planned for it to happen on the same day, but Pinkie was unpredictable like this. I still remember when I met her this morning…

I sighed as I was sitting on an outside bench at the base. How exactly do you befriend a pony who is rather skeptical about you? I do not have enough data to form a plan with a high success rate. So what do I do?

Just in that moment my world turned pink.

I was startled by the pink pony that completely obscured my vision. A big smile split her face.

“Let’s turn this frown upside down!” she exclaimed.

I recognized the mare. She was one of the Elements of Harmony. I certainly wasn’t ready to befriend her! I wanted to start small, one pony at a time!

Before I could say anything she shoved a cupcake in my mouth. I was still in a daze, but instincts worked for me as I slightly munched on it. Chocolate with cherries. It was pretty good.

Focus! I admonished myself, completely forgetting until now about my abilities to sense emotions.

This was always the first step. See what they feel and then develop several action alternatives, assess these, pick the best course of action and then act. All in a matter of seconds of course. Every good changeling had to be able to do that.

Her feelings were…surprising to say the least. Normally while exposed in our real form we get a range of negative emotions but hers seemed to be so innocent, pure and friendly. There was no disgust, no fear, not even anger, even though she was in the first row then it came to fighting our race at the Canterlot wedding fiasco.

“So?” she asked inquisitively as she cocked her head. The smile never leaving her face.

It took me a second to get what she was asking.

“It is rather good,” I admitted.

“See! Some days might seem dark and lonely, but your Aunt Pinkie will be there to show you that it isn’t that bad!” she exclaimed as she patted my head.

This brought a smile to my lips. This childish and carefree attitude was exactly what I adored. This was who I wanted to be in a way. Just to be able to do the right thing with a smile on my face.

But that smile soon vanished as I remembered my predicament.

Pinkie seemed to catch up on my mood immediately. “What’s wrong?”

“I was just thinking about this one pony. I was planning to befriend him, but have no idea how.”

It was rather interesting how I acted here. I mean, I completely forgot about who she was and talked to her like I would do to Fetch or any other pony or changeling I knew. She just brought me to open up to her with the warmth of her comforting feelings she sent towards me.

“Silly, the best way to befriend ponies is to make them happy!”

I looked up at that. “That sounds…reasonable. But how do I even start?”

“Everypony loves parties, duh! If you throw this pony one he might turn his frown upside down!”

I cocked slightly my head at that. “He? I never mentioned anything gender-specific, so how did you know?”

Pinkie blinked for a bit upon hearing the question with a blank look on her face. Only seconds later she started to take some cardboard cards out of her mane and looked at one before tossing it to the side, where I could see that on it was a picture of my own face with a speech bubble asking a question and then a picture of Pinkie answering the question. She kept on tossing the cards left and right, littering the floor with at least twenty of them, yet the stack in her hands never seemed to actually deplete. Then she suddenly exclaimed "AHA!" pointing at a specific cardboard card before putting all the cards away in her mane and somehow causing all the other cards on the floor to disappear as well before not actually answering my question.

"I believe you asked, But I know nothing about parties. How do I throw one?"

"But-" I tried to protest.

"You asked this," she told me with narrowed eyes. It was clear to me that this was not a question, this was a command.

I audibly gulped. "Yes Ma'am"

She nodded approvingly before she answered the ‘question’ I was supposedly asked. “I could take you as an apprentice and teach you the Art of Parties!” she shouted out in glee as she threw her hands up in the air.

My head hurt a little from her strange behavior, albeit I found it amusing at the same time.

I soon mulled her proposal over. If I learn the Art of Parties I might befriend Steam Gear, and even more, I might have an easier time befriending anyone else! It seems like too good of an opportunity to pass up! And I knew that she was sincere with it, her feelings told me so.

“I will accept. I only want to ask one thing in return.”

Pinkie nodded enthusiastically at that.

“Well I’m still a bit surprised and confused by your behavior and wanted to ask you: Why do you treat me like anyone else. You were fighting against changelings at the Canterlot wedding. You saw us at our darkest hour, so why did you cheer me up? And why do you want to teach me?”

She nodded sagely. “A frown is a frown, no matter which race it belongs. A smile is a smile, and heartwarming it is, no matter which race it belongs. None judge you should upon a single act, especially an entire race. Open your mind you must to fulfil the role you set as a party planner. As for the second… Always pass on what you have learned.”

I nodded, giggling slightly at her strange language and teacher like tone. “Then I accept.”

“Oh, accept it you will and I knew. Learning you do best by doing. Summon you I will if a party is ahead.”

And with that she dived into a conveniently placed flower pot next to the bench and disappeared.

This is going to be interesting.

I looked over to my teacher with a smile on my face. “Do you think he will accept my friendship today?”

“Patience you must have, my padawan.”

“…And I have no idea what that means.”

“Then much to learn you have.”

“…I better get going now. I have to see if Steam Gear is enjoying himself,” I told her.

As much as I would have loved to hang out with her some more, I had a mission to accomplish. And that was the only thing that was important.

“Oh, but focus you must on more than one!” she exclaimed in a chipper tone. She might have dropped the teacher tone there, but it still sounded funny enough. However I couldn’t help but wonder why she would suddenly build her sentences like that. It felt like I was missing out on some inside joke.

But that didn’t matter now. What mattered was that I disagreed with her. Best thing was to concentrate on my main objective, even though I was a little curious about these new recruits of the R&D. Fetch and Steam Gear mentioned the new staff beforehand, so them being here is not surprising. For the most part they didn’t seem to feel all that much fear towards me. Mostly some were nervous, while some others seemed to put more trust in me. Probably because of me helping Pinkie Pie out. If the Element of Laughter trusts me, it helps the population to trust me in return. Rather practical in fact. I might look into this as soon as I get Steam Gear around.

One step at a time.

I was just about to go on my own merry way to look for Steam Gear when my wrist was grabbed by somebody. I turned around to see my mentor with a huge grin splitting her face, which somehow made me shudder.

I have a bad feeling about this, were my last thoughts before she dragged me towards a small stage we build up.

“Time has come,” was her simple explanation that didn’t really explain anything. This mare was a real mystery.

Soon I was standing on the stage and Pinkie put a microphone in my hand and music started to play.

“So your main incentive is to help others?” asked Lunar Fang inquisitively.

I nodded. “You could say that. When I started engineering I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do exactly. One could build many things, but when I saw this disabled gryphon, I thought that I could use my abilities to help the ones who need it. And since Cruger is rather generous when it comes about the private use of this facility I could help others on a larger scale with this level of technology. Not to mention that alone working here is helping others as well. Probably not the most direct way, but like I said, I can still achieve that off work.”

The conversation that Lunar Fang started with me was pleasant to say the least. I was at the beginning a little hesitant, but that soon vanished with drink and food that helped to loosen up the mood.

“I fully agree. That is a nice incentive to have. I personally live by the motto: Evil wins when good people do nothing. Injustice is something we have to fight, no matter how small and petty it might seem, since even a small contribution can make a difference.”

I was about to reply as suddenly the lights went out. I was worried that we had a short circuit, but then headlights turned up on the stage and bathed the changeling princess HEART in a cone of light.

She looked rather nervous as the music started, but I could see Pinkie Pie trying to give her reassurances from the sidelines.

Suddenly music played out of the boxes on stage and PRINCESS HEART started to sing.

“Because this is a special day
A day for you alone
You can get away with anything you want to
So today is your birthday
And every little thing's gonna go your way
Happy, happy birthday, baby
You know I only have one wish for you
That on your happy birthday, baby
That all your dreams they will come true
Happy, happy birthday, baby
Happy, happy birthday, baby.“

I was left speechless. How did they know? I only told Midnight about this.

“They remembered my birthday!” I cheered.

Lunar Fang turned towards me a smile on his face. “Then happy birthday,” he said.

My smile only widened. This really is a perfect first day of work.

The song ended, and truth be told I was rather surprised as a gryphon suddenly cheered that I was thinking about his birthday. I really only did what was natural and sang this song Pinkie set up for me.

She meanwhile was carrying in a birthday cake.

I knew it was rather silly to ask her about it, but I decided to do it anyway.

“How did you know it was somebodys birthday?”

“Birthday it is always for somepony,” she answered in her usual teacher tone.

I sighed in playful exaggeration. “And here for an explanation I had hoped!” I mimed her tone.

Pinkie giggled at that, dropping her teacher tone. “It’s my Pinkie Sense! It was telling me somepony here needed a birthday party!”

I looked back to the birthday gryphon. Not exactly a pony, but I guess the explanation was fair enough.

“Do you see it now, HEART? It might be super-duper fun to try and gain one friend, but it might be a whole phenomantastically more fun to make lots of friends! And you might have missed the chance if you would have only mingled with a single pony!”

“So you were teaching me a lesson? Not to be too fixated and observe my surroundings?”

“That I was,” she nodded sagely, causing me to giggle.

“I will remember that,” I said as the gryphon neared. A smile already formed on my face.

Things seem to have gone a little crazy. But a tolerable kind of crazy. Sure, I never expected HEART to sing, or to get here with Pinkie in the first place, but she didn’t bother me until now, so I didn’t mind all that much.

It was rather interesting to find out that it was Flare Blast’s birthday. He didn’t seem to be one who would mention things like that and keep it for himself, so that wasn’t surprising in a way.

There was cake delivered by Pinkie, as well as party games. Flare Blast also seemed to put some cake aside. I suppose he wanted to have some for later too, and you probably couldn’t blame him. Many people couldn’t get enough of cake after all. Not a sentiment I share though, since I was more into non-sugary treats.

The real problem started when Pinkie finished up playing party games…

“I think you’ve had enough!” I told the pink menace in a scolding and stern tone.

She only seemed to pout at that, pulling a puppy dog eyes trick at me. I never thought a grown-up mare could pull this foal trick off.

I steeled myself to avoid giving in to the gluttonous mare. Those eyes however turned out to be quite the hindrance. In the end I focused my eyes just on her chin, preventing direct eye contact.

Seeing as her technique failed this time, she tried a different approach.

“But I have to taste test the goods to make sure they are fanTASTEtic!”

“There won’t be anything left to eat for them if you stuff it down like that. Your flanks are already pudgy enough!”

“Hey! My flanks are that toned because they are filled with my reserves of manifested joy and laughter!”

“No matter, I will bring an end to this,” I said as I neared the site of the machine.

Pinkie meanwhile shrugged it off as she was still at the end of the assembly line, where she devoured mercilessly every treat that fell off the assembly line.

With a pull of the lever I turned the grill off. The pink mare didn’t take long to find out, as she shouted indignantly, “Hey! What happened?!”

She noticed me and narrowed her eyes at me. Her mane slightly deflating, making me a little nervous. Suddenly this didn’t seem like a good idea anymore.

The pink mare trotted up to me and instantly turned the lever down, activating the grill again.

I fought through my nervousness and pulled the lever up again, challenging the mare in a way.

She didn’t wait long to accept it and with a harrumph pulled the lever again.

My own nervousness melted as I started to get annoyed by her insistence and pulled it up again.

Her mane deflated some more and she of course pulled the lever again, a snarl adorning her face.

And so it continued.

Up.

Down.

Up.

Down.

Up.

Down.

Until we both grabbed onto the lever at the same time. We were both determined. You could see it at the look in our eyes as we tried to stare each other down. Her mane has gone completely flat in the meantime, and I would have probably tried to hide under my bed at her sight, weren’t it for the fact that I was quite annoyed at the moment and didn’t seem to register her look correctly. From what I have been told afterwards the R&D was cowering in fear of the pink menace.

Even as push comes to shove none of us were backing down. The metal of the lever seemed to creak and crack under our combined powers until it broke off completely.

The grill seemed to have completely lost it from there. No longer able to hold back as it couldn’t process the commands we tried to give it. The assembly line accelerated, smoke was rising from the grill itself, and I could see screws loosening as it shook violently.

“Well, I changed my mind you can have the lever!” I said as I pressed the now broken lever into her hands and took cover.

“EH?!” Was all she said as she did the same.

And then the grill exploded, accelerating the grilled goods at terminal velocity. Everyone tried to get down in time, but sadly a lone gryphon didn’t see this coming in time. The projectiles found their mark and he was knocked off his talons.

I cringed at the sight. He would still feel that in the morning. I could only hope the blame wasn’t pinned completely on me this time. I mean, the grill worked after all and didn’t explode because of a mistake I committed while building it.

Wait, I should probably call a Medic first, before trying to think of a way to appease the situation with Cruger.

But not everything looked bleak. I mean at least Flare Blast got some of the grilled goods! So mission accomplished, right?

I didn’t congratulate him yet, did I?

“…Well, happy birthday?”

“Ok, what do we have here?” I asked as I looked at the X-ray picture of the gryphon that was rushed into the medical wing a short while ago.

He seemed to be stable, even though he was rather out of it. The description about the incident was rather…vague I suppose? We needed confirmation to see just how bad his condition was. An x-ray seemed like the best solution in this particular case.

I was just clipping the picture on the assigned wall as I noticed something strange.

There were three lumps to see in the stomach area.

I blinked owlishly as it slowly dawned on me what these three lumps were.

Grilled chicken.

“How?” I asked dumbfounded.

A question that went unanswered until I took a closer look at the file of the gryphon.

Department: R&D
Direct Superior: Steam Gear

So there was only one possibility for this now…

I threw my head back and screamed: „STEAM GEAAAAR!!!”

Suddenly a cold shiver run down my spine.

“Hey, Fetch?”

“Yes, Steam Gear?”

“Can you maybe look for me after Flare Blast? I’m not really on good terms with the medical staff at the moment.”

“Is this about the pieces of porcelain they had to extricate out of the flank of one of the B-Squad members after the toilet incident, or was it the ice machine incident when you froze one of the medical staff?”

“…Maybe a bit of both.”