//------------------------------// // D'oh! // Story: Appledashery // by Just Essay //------------------------------// SCREEEEEEEEEECH! A shiny, twenty-ton locomotive engine came screaming to a hault. Steam and fireworks billowed from its four hundred wheels. "Hoooraaaaay!" Everypony in Ponyville cheered. Pinkie Pie launched confetti. The Cutie Mark Crusaders tossed streamers. The Wonderbolts flew low overhead, setting off fireworks and sparklers. "Welcome back, Rainbow Dash!" "She's here!" Twilight grinned. She shoved Trixie over with a grunt and stood on the edge of the tracks, bouncing up and down. "She's here she's here she's here!" "Ohhhhhhh I do hope she doesn't make us all faint with her sheer awesomeness!" Rarity cooed. "Shhhh!" Fluttershy hissed. "Quiet, everypony! She's about to step out!" HISSSSSSSS! A titanium door unfolded twenty times. Glowing neon hoof-rails flanked a pegasus as she marched down the massive steps, wearing shades and a fur coat. Two buxom young unicorns flanked her sides, batting their eyelashes while levitating trays of cider. "Oh my Celestia! She's even awesomer than I remembered!" "Look at her! Now there's a pony who doesn't even need any trophies!" "Yeah! She's a living golden medal!" "Three cheers for Rainbow Dash!" "Hip hip hooray!" "Hip hip hooray!" "Hip hip hooray!" Rainbow Dash yawned. She waved a hoof before her gaping muzzle, flicked her shades off, and shrugged her shoulders towards the two mares. "Here. Hold this." Cooing with delight, the sexy unicorns reliquished her of her coat. "Thanks." Cracking her neck, Rainbow spun and sucker-punched a fiery dragon that was inexplicably lying in wait behind the railroad station. WHUD! "Ugh!" The dragon reeled. "Such... a strong punch!" THUD! Twilight gasped. "Oh wow! I didn't even realize he was there!" "He could have burninated us all!" Pinkie squeaked. "Oh Rainbow, darling!" Rarity rushed over, sliding on kneeling legs. "You're our hero yet again! I absolutely MUST sew you a pretty dress in celebration!" "Shut up, Rarity," Rainbow grunted. "Go jump in a mud pile." Rarity smiled as her eyes darted towards opposite horizons. "Okay, Rainbow Dash!" She galloped off the depot's edge and dove into a brown puddle. "Whatever you say—" SPLASH! "Hooooraaaaaay!" Rainbow cracked the joints in her neck and smirked at the crowd. "Hey, everypony. I'm back from Las Pegasus." "And how was it, Rainbow Dash?!" "Pretty sweet! I got laid. A lot. And then I got laid in between getting laid. And you know what? Pffft... whatever, am I right?" Giggles and chuckles. Rainbow smirked. She trotted down a line of happy Ponyvilleans. "I'm so proud of you, Rainbow Dash," Fluttershy said. "I'm sure your father would be too." "Thanks, Flutters." Stamps sniffled, sitting behind his desk. "You're the best employee who ever worked for Banner Company. Take the rest of the year off." "Okay, Stamps, I think I will." Zecora grinned from ear to ear. "Pancakes!" "Later." Rainbow winked with a smile. "Lucky stripes." "Howdy there, sugarcube," Applejack said, smirking. Rainbow blinked. Clearing her throat, she shuffled forward. "Moving right along—" "Howdy there, Rainbow," Stu Leaves said. Pieces of the depot's roof peeled off. Rainbow bowed her head to the thunder clouds. Frowning, she moved on— Next in line was a tiny pegasus with freckles. "Howdy, Rainbow!" Rainbow blinked at her. "Uhhhmmm..." Her eyes narrowed. "And you are?" "Oh, Rainbow, did we not introduce you?" Stu knelt beside the foal. "This is our daughter, Mary." Rainbow blinked. "Your... daughter?" "Eeyup!" Applejack leaned against a pillar. "Foaled her while you was off sippin' cider and sniffin' the saddles of street trollops! Ain't she a beaut?" "We are so... soooo proud of her," Stu said, nuzzling the child. He then shuffled a few steps over and patted the head of another foal. "And this here is Mary the Second." "Howdy, Rainbow!" "And here we have Mary the Third." "Howdy, Rainbow!" "Mary the Fourth..." "Howdy, Rainbow!" "The Fifth..." "Howdy!" Rainbow's ears drooped. Slowly, reluctantly, she tilted her gaze towards the north. Her jaw dropped as she saw a sprawling wall of foals lined up, one after another, bordering an endless train station plaform that swam into the horizon and past it. Soon, the vanishing point bled into an apple orchard, but instead of red delicious fruit—countless bright-eyed smiling foals hung off the flouncing branches. "Howdy, Rainbow!" "Howdy, Rainbow!" "Howdy, Rainbow!" "Howdy, Rainbow!" Rainbow was hyperventilating at this point. As the sea of Applejack's and Stu's children filled her ears with bedlam, she had no recourse but to tilt her head up. In place of a sun, there was the slowly rotating head of a frizzle-maned chaperone. Epcot's tear-stained face pivoted to face Rainbow Dash, and her booming voice shook the foundations of Equestria: "This holiday season, look forward to Mission Space as your new pavilion—" And that's precisely when everything exploded, tossing a bevy of grinning foals into the air. "Next stop!" "Guh!" Rainbow shot up so hard that her head hit the top of her berth. "Augh!" She winced, rubbing her foggy skull. "Owwwwwww..." "Next stop, Las Pegasus, fillies and gentlecolts! Las Pegasus, next stop!" The windows rattled from the sound of screeching brakes. Rainbow felt a lurch as her periperal vision caught the desert landscape blurring to a slow stop outside. "Nnnngh..." She sat up, rubbing her head. With a sigh, she muttered. "Well... gotta admit... I've dreamt worse..."