So, yeah. A week's passed since the mirrorverse, and a day since Auryx and her family, including an adopted Luna, had visited. Sunset had still yet to wake up, even with Nightmare doing what she could in the dream world. Really, the most interesting thing of the week was what I'm about to tell you guys.
Rhino, Cybis, and I were in the main room, the others being in Ponyville for a well deserved break, and in contact with the branch in our variant of the Crystal Empire. Why? Well, let's just say stuff in the canon has happened sooner than thought, namely Sombra's return, and we're simply playing it safe in case a certain fandom even began. Namely one that would destroy Equestria.
"Vex patrols still got nothing," Cybis said. "We even sure they exist in this version of Equestria?"
"Better safe than sorry," I said. "It may be written in an anthro universe version of Equestria, but the multiple worlds theory would allow for them to exist in an equine one."
"Fair point," Rhino said. "Still, couldn't we use jumpjets for recon to see if they exist?"
"Story never specified where they were, relative to Equestria. It's just implies it's in the north and on another continent," I said. "You guys know that."
"Shame the magic detector satellites don't have actual visuals," Cybis said. "Then we could use one of those."
"And even so, they didn't appear in that one until after Twilight became a princess," Rhino said. "That's still years away."
"Then I guess it's a good thing the Vex began patrols there without us having to ask," I said. "Think they plan on building a new vault?"
"Maybe, who knows?" I replied. "Still, best to be prepared in cas-" and here, an alert came on over our HUDs, as we had our helmets on.
"Guardians, Vex unit three three eight reporting. Unknown race sighted near border of Equestria and Yakyakastan-" how funny is it to hear a Vex say that?- "and are unaware of our presence. What do you order?"
"Do you have any optical camouflage?" Rhino asked.
"Affirmative," the Vex unit replied.
The three of us looked at each other, and nodded. "Go invisible and recon the area, with as little traces as possible. Hold for our arrival."
"Understood."
"Well, guys," I said as we began our walk to the hanger, "time to save Equestria again."
An hour later
The three of us were in jumpjets, me having attained a replacement in the week, and were on our way north. With them, we had been able to attain visuals from the Vex, and we saw what we had been looking for. The Caribou.
Now, for those that don't know, the Caribou first made their debut in the fandom with the Fall of Equestria tumblr. In basic, they are a vile, patriarchal race who took Equestria over because of the female leadership. I won't go into much detail, as 'vile' and 'patriarchal' should be doing that for me. If not, then they degraded any and every mare, including Luna and Celestia, into nothing more than property to be used for sex, and used a form of mind control to turn many stallions to their side. For those wondering, only Applejack and Rainbow were unwilling among the mane six, with Luna being the only princess to be unwilling. And the first place in Equestria taken by the Caribou was the Empire. Not on our watch.
"Okay, guys, you know what to do," I said over our radios. "Commit genocide to make sure these guys don't take Equestria. Don't need two kings after our ass, so Dainn's a priority." Dainn was the Caribou king and, quote unquote, "The pinnacle of male superiority". Pinnacle of male superiority my ass, more like pinnacle of sexism. Along with everything else about their race.
"You know, I'm not one for genocide," Cybis said, "but it's the Caribou, so I think we can agree this is for the best."
"Odd, saying genocide's the best thing," Rhino said.
"Yeah, I know," Cybis said. "Just imagine how i felt. Need to wash my mouth out now. Only way those two should be in the same sentence is if 'isn't' is between them."
"Can't fix it now," I said as we got Vex signatures on radar. "Set down so that the Caribou don't see us, and get out. Need to be on the ground for this."
"Right," they both replied.
"Super's ready," Rhino said. "Going hammer."
"Copy," I replied as we began to go down and land. "Going blade."
"Same," Cybis replied. "Going Shatter."
"Then get weapons, ready, people," I replied as I transmatted out of my ship, which is now The Climb a year one FWC ship. Rhino and Cybis transmatted down soon after.
For this mission, we had the arctic proxy shader on, as well as Iron Banner year two gear. For weapons, I had my old year one friend, Another Nitc with Invective and the year two rocket launcher The Vertigo the FWC year two launcher. Cybis had his Tlaloc and Susano, along with Bolt caster. Rhino had year two Suros, the Conspiracy theory, and a year two Super good Advice, because fuck the one exotic at a time rule.
"This is going to be bloody," Rhino said as a Vex Hobgoblin walked up to us.
"Guardians, recon reveals guards in groups ranging from three to six patrolling the perimeter of the area, each lightly armored given conditions. Interior has heavier defenses, with the most protected area being a tent in the center. We believe that is where the leader is."
I nodded. "Right. Rhino, Cybis, you hit 'em from the outside with the Vex. I'll go in and make sure Dainn and his officers are dead." I then looked at the Hobgoblin. "Designation?"
"Two three four dash A," the Vex replied.
"Right. Two three four, tell whatever Vex units in the camp to remain cloaked until the alarm is raised. Once it is, they are to begin attacking, with the other Vex units assisting my comrades on the outside."
"Understood," it replied.
"Guess I'll see you guys after the fireworks," I said as I went invisible. You guys there?
Yeah, Cybis replied. We can hear you.
Then let operation: Aegis commence. With that, I made my way to the interior of the camp. On my way, I saw what was to be expected, which is to say the Caribou males fucking their females. I swear, the only reason I don't kill them is because it would blow my cover. Besides, they'll die soon enough.
I slowly made my way to the tent in the center, where there were multiple Caribou guards. Only I'd get in without attention is if one of them walked in, or someone, preferably the literal fucker king, walked out so I could kill him quickly.
Unfortunately, that was a no go. Time for plan B. Rhino, Cybis, engage.
Right!
A few seconds later, there were explosions at the perimeter of the camp, which got the attention of the guards outside. This allowed me to step behind them and drive a blade through their necks.
Now, this version of the Caribou are quadrupeds, like the ponies. The males were, at the smallest I saw, as big as Big Mac, while i imagine the largest, probably Dainn, was as tall, if not more so, than Celestia. They were muscular, overtly so, and the readings on my HUD showed that their armor and weapons, somehow, had a magic negating signature. Explains how they took Equestria over so easily in the Fall of Equestria canon.
Anyway, as the guards outside, two of them, fell to the ground, dead, I made my way into the tent as I became visible and drew Invective.
As soon as I was in, ten spears were pointed at my neck by Caribou guards in barely protective armor, and one that was sitting on a throne, Dainn, I imagine, and he was as tall as me, by the way, just looked at me.
"So this is one of those Guardians," he said. "Tell me, why would a fellow male attack us, instead of letting us show you how to treat your mares?"
You see? A dick in more ways than one. "Because unlike you," I said, "we aren't sexist morons with an inferiority complex." With that, I fire doff a full Invective clip, killing four guards, before unleashing an Arc bolt grenade, zapping another four, then blink striking the ninth. The last, I just shanked in the neck. "And we kinda hate rapists like your entire race."
"If you believe in equality, then why is it only you are here?" Dainn asked. "If you truly believed in so called equality, then the pathetic female guardians would be here as well."
"Simple," I said, drawing my scout rifle. "We let them have the day off." I then fired my scout rifle, but, as expected, a field stopped the shot, and Dainn chuckled.
"Oh, it's amusing to think you can stop us from bringing the truth to Equestria." And with that, he used his horns, a curving mess, to fire a spell-yes, Caribou use their horns for magic- at me, which I dodged before drawing my Invective, which, with a little mod the R and D team came up with , had auto reloaded itself, and I don't mean generated the clip I had fired. I brought it to level, and fired all four shells at the Caribou king, but the same field stopped the spread, or the pellets just missed entirely. "Useless," Dainn said before he decided to bring out his weapon, a huge ass war hammer, and tried to bash my head in with it, but I was able to get out of its path, and fire off a few shots with my scout rifle, now in my hands, which still did nothing, but this time, I saw it was a blue shimmer, which, if I'm right, meant Arc shield. Hell yes.
Rhino, Cybis, go Arc and meet me in the center! Time to fry this bitch like we're sith!
Right, they both replied.
"Come and get me, bitch!" I yelled. One thing to note is calling any Caribou a term for a female makes 'em go bat shit, and it worked here, as I ran out of the tent, Dainn behind me, swinging his hammer at me the whole time, and missing every time. Once outside, I stopped, and spun around. "You know, I wonder how you even became king! If you can't even hit me with that hammer, how can you hit a female up?"
His eye began to twitch. "I will enjoy switching you and making you my toy." Now, for those who don't know, switch is rule sixty three, or whichever is the gender swap one.
"You'll need to catch me, first," I said. "And Hunters are the most agile Guardians, so good luck with that one." Under my helmet. "And besides, you are a moron for all the Caribou propaganda saying you're the perfect male."
"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, enraged.
"It means you walked into our trap," Rhino said as he threw a flash bang, and I averted my eyes just as it went off.
"Fry his ass, Guardians!" I yelled as I initiated blade dancer, and Cybis Storm trance. He put every ounce of lightning he could on Dainn while i made lightning quick strikes against him as Rhino lifted higher and higher. Just as I delivered my last strike, I saw the field around Dainn break. "Rhino, superman him!"
His reply, we did not hear, but Cybis and i backed away as a mass of armor and lightning hit the ground just in front of Dainn, sending him flying, and Cybis and I unloaded our scout rifles into him. "Noland, the Wolfpack."
"Right," he said as he transmatted Ghallarhorn into my hands, and i fired off a single rocket at the king, with the rocket and wolfpack rounds tearing him to shreds.
"That was satisfying," Rhino said.
"Agreed," Cybis said. "Now let's clean up and get out of here."
And in less than an hour, every Caribou male was dead, the Vex had taken the females to the Empire, and we were on our way back home.