Trus and Luna
Chapter Seven
“I grew up…on a place- planet called earth. I don’t know if you know what a human is, but that’s what I was there. I was one of nine children.” That got a surprised look from both Dark and Luna, and Trus immediately found it much harder to speak. “My parents…they were good people…just…bad parents…or bad at being parents…or whatever.” Trus closed his eyes and just breathed for a moment. Then opened them to look at the floor “They…treated us as tools… I don’t know how else to say it. They loved us, but…more for our use and not so much or at all for who we were…
“I would hide- or rather just stay…in my room and” he found another spot on the floor to stare at “out of their way so I would get called to do things, for them, less often… I started studying magic in there; mostly in the closet… I don’t know what I did in there, because I traded that knowledge for three wishes from another deity. I used those wishes and…manipulated them to get myself to be a deity.” Trus looked up in thought wondering if he had given a proper description. He noticed Luna out the corner of his eye nodding and decided to just continue anyways. “I…” Trus shook his head. It was getting really hard to think of words, “found out later that giving out wishes was really uncommon and frowned upon…” and now I’m starting to jump around. He took a small breath this time. “I found out that I had become one of the most powerful…deities of all from those wishes. I didn’t really think about it or look into it. I just went off into the deepest darkest place, that was as far as I could find in a short time from everyone else, where I started creating things…people.” He looked at the floor again. “Maybe… I started things I still don’t know are real or not.”
“I thought I was happy for a while and I believe I was. I got bored one day during that time and decided to go back to being mortal for a time while remembering what I would be after I died. In other words, I set it up so that when I died as a mortal I would just go back to being my normal deity self… Anyways that long story short the same deity that gave me the wishes abducted me and ended up becoming possessed. I had to stop them and I did eventually. Doing so released them from being possessed and it turns out that because that…or hold on. Let me put it better… They had chosen me half because of what I had figured out and half because they knew I would end up saving them from that possession. Which made me wonder if there’s any real, good reason for me to be who, or what I am now, or was at the time.”
The other two didn’t speak. Luna turned her attention from Trus to look in Dark’s direction as though to see if he had anything to say, but Dark continued to watch Trus waiting for him to continue. So Trus went on, pulling Luna’s attention back to him. “I don’t know if I have a purpose now beyond what I give to myself, which by the way is a really great one… I’m not actually very good at helping others, but I do get to do wonderful things and I get to give opportunities for others to change their lives that they wouldn’t get otherwise. I don’t know how grand a life really is, because I didn’t look into it before I set up this life for myself. I leaped before I looked in getting myself into all that I do now… Changing lives is amazing and wonderful, but I’d like to know how much it matters when that life is over. I’ve been told about how important a life is and what happens after death, but I have no way of comprehending it, understanding it, or really actually knowing it… without knowing how important those lives are I don’t know how important I am… And another question is, if life is really that important than why was mine so casually handled?”
Luna opened her mouth looking as though she was going to say something, but whatever it was got caught and she said nothing. Dark simply continued to stare.
Trus thought about just stopping there with Luna seeming to be getting troubled with her lack of being able to talk, but something about Dark just sitting there listening spurred him on. “That’s not the last of it all…” Trus said. Luna closed her mouth and took a glance at Dark again before she followed his example. “The whole reason I started my life of running around helping wherever I ended up…”
Trus stopped talking altogether and just stared off into the distance. He was still able to catch Luna taking another glance at Dark Sentry and looking back to Trus again. She looked at Trus with the same blank stare Dark had been giving him the whole time for a while. Then she broke into a smile and Trus realized that he had been staring at her. He smiled and looked down sheepishly.
“…The whole reason was, as I said before, I got to a point where I couldn’t tell what I had done from what was real. I…had so much power that I could change the rules of reality and make something do whatever I wanted with no real way of it actually being possible… I could make a rock shine like a sun if I wanted to even if there was no way for the rock to actually be capable of doing that. Everything just did what I wanted and then one day I wanted to learn how things naturally ran. But when I looked at anything I wondered if I was just making it work the way I saw it or if I was actually seeing how it actually worked. I realized I couldn’t trust what I learned. So I tried to think of a way I could trust in what I learned. I needed to remove my power when I was learning and I came up with the life I have now.”
Trus looked up again. While he had talked he repeatedly would look to Luna and Dark and then would look away at something else and then go back to checking on how they were taking it all. They both had remained still and had been staring at Trus as he explained his complicated life. Luna had, had her smile fade slowly as he talked and now they both were in a stoic look staring at Trus.
I did one other thing though. Trus thought to himself mouthing the words and looking away once again.
“Hmm? What was that?” Luna asked.
Trus looked back to her. “Oh I…did one other thing…during that time…when I was…coming up with…the life I have now.” Trus was very quiet now and if it wasn’t so silent up in the observatory he was sure they wouldn’t have heard him.
As it was though Dark asked “And what was it?”
Trus took a while to respond. “I looked into other dimensions…and alternate universes… I found…several versions of myself…none were deities…but I…looked…” Trus shivered and took some breaths. After a few deep ones he continued. “I look into their minds and found that most of them dreamed about me being…a deity.”
Both Luna and Dark showed the same mixed expression. It was one of fear, surprise, and concern.
Trus took another deep breath and they followed suit. “That’s about it really… Feels…really good…telling someone… Well unless you want me to talk about how much I was disturbed by reading-”
“No!” Dark said flatly; Luna saying the same thing almost immediately afterwards.
Trus was taken aback slightly, but smiled at their response anyway.
“Have you ever gone back to see your family?” Dark asked.
Trus’s smile faded at the question. Of all the things they had just heard that one seemed to be the least likely, in Trus’s mind, to be mentioned again, but here Dark was asking it.
“No.” Trus said.
“Why not?” Dark asked calmly.
Trus tilted his head back and to the side slightly. “In the past when I had the opportunity to go back I didn’t want to and now I can’t choose to go see them if I want to. I’ve had to get used to the fact that I’ll probably never get to see them again…and I’ve done things to help me let go.”
“Such as?”
“Doing something that I think might make them proud just because I feel like they would be proud if I did it.”
After a moment Dark actually smiled, catching Trus off guard again. “For all those big problems you talked about you really seem like you take care of yourself well now.”
“…Huh?” That was just one aspect of Trus’s life that he had been able to work out, how could Dark jump to a full conclusion like that based entirely on that? Especially after hearing about all that stuff he had just listened to!
Dark just smiled more and chuckled.
“Well that was not as long as you lead on.” Luna said coming out of her stoic stare with a calm smile growing on her face.
“Yeah I left out a ton of details. Like the time when the other deity abducted me took several lifetimes to get resolved.”
“Oh.” She seemed to perk up a little bit. “Well you shall have to tell us about it later sometime.”
“Well we could go over some of it now if you want, since we got through everything else so quickly.”
“No. I would rather-” She paused a moment “or perhaps if we do run out of things to speak of we could.”
“Alright. What do you want to talk about?”
She smiled weakly “I wanted to ask how you had dealt with not knowing your importance?”
Trus sat and thought a moment then got up. They had all been sitting a while and as far as Trus was concerned his cushion was getting really hot and uncomfortable. He stood pushing his hooves into the cushion to even out the crease he had left and then sat back down in another spot.
Once comfortable he began thinking again. “I usually just try to think of the possibilities, the best outcomes and the worst. I then try to think of how I can adjust and accept each outcome if one of them happens. I usually deal with most of my problems that way. As far as dealing with my importance I also tend to take another rout as well. That usually being, starting with thinking of myself with no importance and then building myself up from there by looking at the things I do and what I affect. At some point I reach a point there’s no clear way to build up anymore unless I use things I’ve been told and taught to believe. I find that if I don’t go past that though then I come to a conclusion that nothing is important and nothing ever will be. However if I do go beyond that and choose to believe those things then I can see incredible amounts of worth in doing what I do. But either way, I like to see people smile, whether it matters or not.”
“And what would you do if you could not make others smile so?”
“…I don’t know… I suppose I’d wait until I could…or until I couldn’t stand it anymore.” Trus looked out one of the windows and a cold night air and the glittering stars beyond. “I’d probably start looking for something else to live for.”
“And if you could not find anything else?”
“…I think if everything went wrong and everything fell apart every time something was tried and even when nothing was tried…anyone would try to kill themselves… I think it would take longer for me to reach that point, but a person can only take so much…” Trus was solemn in his speech, but he simply let himself breath and he took on a stronger tone. “But it never goes that bad and it never will. If anyone thinks it has all they need to do is think about how it could be worse… I’ve made it through some tough times by realizing that things could be worse or that someone else has had a worse life. Then I usually make up my mind about what I want and I try to get it. If I fail at getting it then I try again or I try a new way of getting it. I also try to get small things. Things as small as moving my…” He was going to say fingers, but he didn’t have any at the moment. “Wings.” He finally said. “or just being able to think of something I want. I focus on the things that I have that I want as well as the goals I’m trying to achieve. I know of several people that go unbelievable distances with just that in mind…”
Trus looked away from the window at Luna. She had been staring out the same window.
Dark got up and started walking out of the room. “I’m headed to the bathroom. You two will be ok right?”
“We will be fine.” Luna said. With that Dark left them with no one but each other for company.
“Isn’t the guard supposed to stay on post or at least have one other guard on post at all times during their shift?” Trus asked playfully.
Luna played along. “Indeed he is slacking in his duties. We shall have to punish him properly when he returns!”
Trus couldn’t help but start laughing and Luna joined in.
After they were done Luna spoke first. “Trus I would like to have you as a friend and I know you do not like to pick up friends only to leave and never to see them again, but would it not be better to have had been friends once than to never have been friends at all?”
Trus smiled. She had seen right through his silly little lie earlier. “Sometimes yes, sometimes no, but usually yes. I’m really bad in the whole friends area and it shows in my inability to call those who were and are friends to me friends. I do have friends. I just stupidly forget it sometimes and it takes somepony” wait that hadn’t been translated either “that’s willing to be my friend to remind me sometimes. I guess I get lonelier than I realize sometimes.” Trus was giving Luna the warmest smile he ever remembered giving. “Yes we can be friends.” She smiled genuinely at that. “and to be honest,” Trus said, his tone rising, “you’ve been a better friend to me these past two nights than anypony or anyone in…” Trus’s smile faded and he tilted his head back in thought. “Wow I don’t know how long.” He said his smile returning in a slightly lower degree.
Luna chuckled a little her smile still on her face. “Well I know what we can do to celebrate our new friendship.” She said.
“Oh?”
“Let us set a trap for our dear night guard as punishment for his slacking!”
Trus smiled and chuckled. “A prank it is then!”