Opening theme-music is a thing, right?
“So,” Discord smiled gleefully, “What kind of pony do you want to be?”
“Be a changeling! Be a changeling!” Ki didn’t even question where Diane had gotten the pom poms at this point, truth be told, he’d stopped asking questions some time ago.
“Think about it Diane,” Ki sighed patiently, “Only one of us can be a changeling, otherwise we gotta find some other pony to throw love at us. Given our particular personality types, that might be tricky.”
“Oh, yeah,” Diane made a thoughtful face, “How about a bat-pony?”
“Don’t call them bat ponies,” Ki let out another resolved, long suffering sigh, “That's racist, Diane.”
“Oh, yeah,” the pink changeling’s face became wrinkled with deep thought.
“At any rate, no bat-ponies,” Discord dismissed the notion with complete disregard, “That’s Lulu's thing. Poor dear is entirely obsessed with bats. Like they’re the only thing that comes out at night. If it were me I’d have maybe some possum ponies, or maybe owl ponies…”
“I wanna be a unicorn I guess,” Ki shrugged, “I gotta have hands of some kind, man.”
"Tazzl-pony it is then!” Discord was already rolling up the sleeves on the lab coat he was suddenly wearing, “Who needs hands when you can have tentacles?”
“Wait, what now?”
But it was already too late, with a snap of Discord's talons, Ki the human was forever gone. A nearly instant cocoon of cotton candy engulfed the human, quickly hardening into a pink, sugary chrysalis.
“That is still a word,” Diane happily reminded everypony present, much to the confusion of every pony present, except maybe Discord, who pretended not to notice.
Within the transformation progressed quickly, as the former human known as Ki liquified into his primordial smooze. It turned out, Ki’s Primordial smooze consisted of equal parts beer and soda, with a dash of coffee, and oddly smelled slightly of feet. The smooze reformed and evolved through the various stages of equestrian evolution. All of this took a matter of seconds. As Ki regained his senses he became more and more aware of his new self. Four legs. Not two. No arms, No hands. And his hooves seemed fairly hard, hoof-life, and unbending. Only four limbs. No wings. So not a pegasus. Just as well, he had always been afraid of heights.
It was somewhere around this point that he realized he was trapped in a shell of hardened cotton candy. He tried to scream something very much along the lines of “let me out”. That was when he had the strangest urge to vomit he had ever felt in his roughly half the lifespan of a human. And in truth, he was very familiar with the differences in vomiting. This wasn’t an, “I ate some bad chicken get it out!” vomit. It was not an “I’m way too drunk and vomiting will make me less dizzy,” vomit. This was an, “I woke up at two A.M. and chugged a liter of ice cold soda and obviously all that CO2 is gonna go somewhere,” vomit. From deep in his esophagus some… things… fought to emerge. His mouth opened to let it out, and then strangely opened again. The chrysalis shattered around him.
“It’s still the technically accurate term for that,” Diane once again reminded everypony. Who all remained equally confused.
“KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!” The Queen screamed.
“Dawww,” Dianed cooed, “He comes with built in puppies!”