A Turn Towards The Weird
2. Celery and Glue.
Lyra Heartstrings was in heaven.
Sure, she'd been worried that her plan would turn out like most of her plans, and backfire in some way that would seem glaringly obvious in hindsight.
Honestly, she'd been a bit on the fence about spooning chocolate pudding in her ears at first. The consistency, although eerily similar to foam earplugs, was still a bit too soft, and, well, chocolatey.
Her first plan was a no-go. Mashed potatoes would have been an okay idea, if the mash was made with real potatoes, that is. Like anyone with the opportunity to enjoy carelessly made mashed potatoes, she knew that finding a couple perfectly-sized bits of raw potato in the mash took seconds, at most.
Sadly, Plan B fell as flat as a two-dimensional pancake, since the kitchen used instant mash powder.
Fortunately, she'd managed to tolerate the canine spawn of Beelzebub and it's inconsiderate noises long enough to improvise a Plan C.
It was perfect. It was genius. It didn't even make her pre-regret anything.
And the silence? It was glorious. Lunch break might even turn into her favorite part of the school day.
Struck by the alarming feeling of being watched and a faint smell of glue, Lyra opened her eyes.
She was immediately greeted by a face full of teeth.
Lyra snuck a quick peek behind the grin and saw some Bon Bon look back at her.
Bon Bon was also frantically gesturing in seemingly random directions constantly, from Lyra's ears to Bon Bon's mouth to Lyra's ears to Bon Bon's mouth.
Lyra blinked slowly. There was a distinct feeling of pre-regret sneaking up on her, along with a dull, throbbing pain in her ears.
''One day you'll show them, Lyra Heartstrings...'' the minty-haired girl might have said, before pulling the celery stalks out of her ears.
''Pop.'' said the celery stalks.
The salad components rested forlornly on her plate again, now tainted with enough knowledge about female orifices to cause most Medieval monasteries to spontaneously burst into flame.
''Hi Bon Bon.''
''Squeak, peep.''
''Stop that.''
Lyra gave a stern, disapproving glare to Bon Bon and crossed her arms, not at all pleased with how everything turned out.
''Mmph, mmff.''
''That's not better.''
Bon Bon squeaked a sad squeak, like a depressed rubber chicken crying itself to sleep.
Lyra's gaze remained steely as she stared into Bon Bon's eyes. Or tried to. With the amount of grin in the way, it was like staring into a pile of snow on a sunny day.
Lyra's eyes watered. The whiteness was all-encompassing.
There was a faint smell of glue.
Lyra decided to look away before the grin eclipsed Bon Bon completely, and noticed how harmoniously quiet it was.
Technically, Plan C had worked. Puncturing her eardrums with celery was not what she'd hoped to accomplish, but it had the desired effect regardless.
Also, she was deaf now. Possibly forever.
This was very disturbing.
Lyra screamed, whether from sadness or as a way of giving back for years of auditory torture she didn't know. For some reason, screaming hurt her ears, so she stopped.
''Hmmhmm?!''
Blink.
''Wait. Say that again.''
''Hmmhmm?'' Bon Bon repeated herself, a confused tone to her hmm.
Blink.
''Hey Bon Bon?''
''Hmm?''
Lyra smiled at her friend.
''Good news. I'm not deaf.''
''Mhfhm.''
''I know.''
Bon Bon shot her a look that clearly said 'no, you don't'.
''No, you don't.'' the look clearly said.
Blink.
Pause.
''Is it just me, or has everything taken a turn towards the weird lately?''
''Hmm hmm?''
Lyra gave Bon Bon a look of tired surprise. Bon Bon put it in her pocket.
''I fell asleep in the cafeteria with celery stalks in my ears and almost ruined my hearing.''
She scanned the cafeteria, trying to look for something that would help the world make sense.
Huh. Interesting.
''Also, I thought I was going deaf because this place was so quiet, but everybody just went to class instead. I think.''
Lyra pursed her lips thoughtfully and gazed into the distance through the hole left by Rainbow Dash.
''In retrospect, it seems kind of contrived. Come on, let's go.''
Bon Bon followed Lyra happily. At least, Lyra assumed her friend was happy. That's what a wide grin does.
A few feet and fewer seconds later, Lyra and Bon Bon stood in front of the school's donation box.
''So, what happened to you? You know, the grin, and the squeaks, and that stuff?''
''Hmmf, m mfhg m mfhg, mmf--''
Blink.
''I don't think this is really getting us anywhere.''
Lyra, determined to solve the mystery of her friend's sudden speechlessness, narrowed her eyes to give the impression of being deep in thought.
It worked.
For a couple of seconds, at least.
Lyra made a mental note to only attempt it when her brain didn't feel like it was desperately trying to stop her from thinking. The mental note promptly disappeared.
Ignoring her confused-looking friend, Bon Bon gave a frustrated 'hmm', opened her bag and upended it on the floor, a look of determination on her face.
The standard assortment of hard candies, emergency make-up, schoolbooks and pencils tumbled out, the flood of everyday items followed by a half-empty gallon bottle of industrial-strength glue.
Bon Bon quickly grabbed the bottle and turned to her friend, Lyra seemingly hard at work analyzing the donation box.
Actually, she was just spacing out, trying to make some sense of her brain.
It wasn't going very well.
Bon Bon interrupted the green-haired girl's feeble attempts with a loud 'hmm', and having gained the attention she wanted, proceeded to upend the canister onto her awaiting teeth.
Fortunately, the cap stayed on.
Bon Bon 'mmh'ed and 'hmmf'ed a couple times, pointing first at the glue canister and then her mouth.
She repeated it until Lyra felt like a total idiot, and 'mmf'ed and pointed a few extra times, just to be on the safe side.
Noting the spark of realization in her friend's eyes, Bon Bon let the canister clatter to the floor, and crossed her arms, trying her best to look satisfied.
Meanwhile, Lyra, her stare now fixed on Bon Bon's mouth, felt incredibly stupid. The smell of glue was a lot stronger now, and Lyra found herself wondering just how she missed the clumps of adhesive stuck to her friend's teeth.
Blink.
''Well, I guess we'll have to get that stuff out of you, right?''
Bon Bon gave a happy nod.
They headed towards the kitchen.