Confrontations & Decisions
Taking a bath in a new place, away from the familiar tub one had spent time in and feeling at ease with, is never comfortable. One always experiences a certain sense of shame from sullying another pony's freshly cleaned bathroom, knowing that, when cleaning day came again, the state of the dirt was half on your own hooves.
Taking a bath in a new place, while having someone you've only just met, was scrubbing your back? That went beyond the realms of discomfort into down right horrifying. A situation one Scootaloo faced currently from her new friend, Krystal.
It was a long and drawn out battle of wills, with the filly insisting she had no need of the young pegasus' assistance in her cleaning, but Krystal insisted that, because it was her family home, and Scootaloo was a foal guest with no female caretaker, it was her responsibility to assist. Any and all arguments were met with this stonewall, the filly didn't have it in her to call the entire thing "creepy" lest she offend the sweet pony's attempts at hospitality and ultimately relented.
However, Scootaloo's reservations to the entire situation melted away just as soon as Krystal's well practiced hooves went to work scrubbing her back and cleaning her wings.
Feathers began floating on the top of the water, one of the things Scootaloo found most embarrassing about her bath time rituals, but instead of reeling in disgust at the molting, Krystal remained professional and asked when the last time she'd preened her wings had been.
"I... umm... I've-" Scootaloo sighed, "I never learned how to preen my wings."
Krystal placed a hoof up to her mouth in shock. "Never learned, why ever not?"
Remembering the lie, but leaving out plausible details, She informed that her parents had died prior to teaching her the proper preening techniques. "I've never seen Islander preen his wings either, so, I'm not really sure he knows how to do it right."
Krystal nodded quietly, making a few connection there and then. "Am I right in assuming you don't know how to fly either?"
Scootaloo nodded in sad admittance, though her sad frown soothed to a smile as a water soaked brush scrubbed between her withers, right in the place where nopony could ever reach by themselves. It felt wonderful, like an unscratched itch she didn't know she had was finally being satisfied. Scootaloo had often spent a good fifteen minutes after any bath cleaning up the feathers and flushing them down the toilet to avoid the embarrassment she'd face back at the Apple farm.
They were all earth ponies, none of them knew about pegasus problems, and just the thought of asking Rainbow Dash or any of the other pegasi in town about it was humiliating enough to make the filly's thoughts stop dead in their tracks. It was nice not to have to worry about that here. Scootaloo couldn't explain why, but the longer the bath went on, the more at ease she felt exposing herself to Krystal. It was... a pleasant cleaning.
The mare offered to show her how to do so when the bath was concluded and Scootaloo gratefully accepted the offer.
Applying a little more shampoo, Krystal went to work on the filly's mane. She began to hum an off of the cuff tune again, something she did when there was silence between them, and Scootaloo felt little bits of anxiety flee her body. The off grey pegasus' voice had a strange effect, similiar to that which she'd felt in the living room before dinner.
"Hey, Krystal?"
"Yes?"
"Do you like living here?" It was an absent question, but one she felt strangely compelled to ask.
The brush stopped moving for a single moment, but continued on with the mare answering in a vague and half hearted yes.
Scootaloo felt a twinge of anger in her chest, Krystal was lying. Krystal was lying and it felt painful to know, disgustingly so. She didn't know how or why she knew, but the filly was one hundred percent convinced that her answer was anything but the truth.
"W-why do you ask?" Krystal inquired.
Scootaloo shrugged. "What you said at the river, about how nice it would be to travel and be free. I don't know."
It wasn't Scootaloo's business, not really. Krystal was an adult, if she really wanted to leave this place, she would have. Of course she must like it here.
"Well, I would like to travel around and see the world." She answered politely, lifting a sponge and rinsing some of the water from Scootaloo's mane. "But the farm is all I know, going to Twin Springs a few days ago by myself was intimidating to me. I... felt very nervous."
Scootaloo felt encouraged by the admitance and the older mare continued on. Her mothers had praised her efforts, her father did not. It was clear to the filly that Krystal loved and regarded her dad alot, too much actually. Gem and, to some lesser degree, Sandy, advocated to her feelings of leaving the farm, telling her that she should do what makes her happy.
"Papa would never approve of my leaving, though." She sighed sadly.
A searing hot rage shot through Scootaloo. Her father was never around much, but there was a stallion who she did look up to, a stallion she wanted to be her father at one point. He approved of something once, something the filly wanted nothing to do with and lead to her running away from home as a result.
"So what?"
The sponge stopped mid crush, the words left hanging in the air for a moment.
Scootaloo, feeling bold, turned to face a very shocked pegasus. "So what if he doesn't approve? My dad didn't approve of a lot of things I did, but you know what? I didn't approve of some of the things he did either... he did something bad to me, very bad, the worst thing I can think of..." She paused, forcing the bubbling hatred in her belly to subside.
"What was it?" Krystal asked with baited breath.
Scootaloo took a few calming breaths before answering. "It doesn't matter," she said calmly, looking into the amber eyes of her bath fellow. "What matters is that I didn't want what he wanted, and he didn't care enough about me to listen. I did what thought was best for myself because he wouldn't."
Krystal was shocked to hear such words, and the fact she was so shocked only fueled Scootaloo's anger. It wasn't right that she was so willing to obey her father, it made the filly worry about what she'd be willing to do to appease him. How long she'd be trapped on the farm, how long she'd be willing to allow herself to be trapped.
"But don't father's always know best? That's wh-"
"No." Scootaloo interjected gently, her gaze hardening in memory. "No, they don't. They do the wrong thing sometimes too, be it giving their daughters away or trapping them at home."
The filly was a little surprised at the words that left her mouth, they were heavy with Islander's way of talking. But having your father, a pony you loved and thought loved you, abandon you when you needed him most had a way of changing ponies...
Krystal didn't reply, focusing instead on finishing her duty in cleaning her charge. She began humming again and Scootaloo felt her irritation begin to wane once more as she enjoyed the comforting feelings and sounds.
"If you're so worried about this, why didn't you take her away already?" Sin asked politely, his conversation with Gem bringing them back to the living room. The two had spoken about many things, the stallion being careful with his choice of words, lest the clever mare find some way to turn them against him.
"Because, I like this life." Gem answered honestly, taking a sip of a fresh brew of tea. She had an air of elegance about her now. A tranquility and knowing that the Federalist found absolutely fascinating. "As odd as it may seem to you, I love both Granite and Sandy with all my heart. I love the quiet the farm has to offer, the smells, the hard work and feeling of accomplishment at the end of the day."
Her knowing smile dropped a little and her eyes trailed to the doorway. "I know Krystal doesn't, though. She wants something else, I wish I knew what that was, but I don't think even she knows what she really wants. Don't misunderstand, I'm glad she was brought up here. Despite how tough Granite is on her, it was his moral compass that made me fall in love with him. He may be a little strict, but he's willing to work himself sick to make sure everypony here is taken care of, and for that, I love him and decided to make him the father of my foals."
'Wow... that's pretty deep.'
Gem continued, citing how she wanted her daughter to have a moral compass of gratitude and to repay kindness. A lesson that society was slowly beginning to lose as ethics began favoring entitlements and disposability over appreciation and hard work. Sin could appreciate that, it was a pervasive problem in his own country, far worse than Equestria. It made sense to start such a mindset within the family rather than trying to bring it about through politics.
'Sin, are you saying that-'
No. No I am not.
"She's an adult now, and now she has the chance to leave and find the life she's always wanted for herself." The teal pegasus smiled. "I've done all I can to shape her to be a kind and considerate mare, and while I've made mistakes with her, I feel I've raised her the best I could."
Sin nodded thoughtfully, he hadn't fully agreed to take the off white pegasus just yet, but he could see the writing on the wall.
"Are you sure she will go?" He asked. The question caught Gem off guard a little.
"If I am willing to take her, it's still her decision whether to come or not. No offense, but while you may have raised her to be kind and considerate, she lacks strength and conviction."
Gem frowned at him in offense, but her smile returned soon after. "Do not be so quick to cast judgement, Islander. Krystal is naive and a little timid around her father, but I think you may be surprised just how strong she is."
Sin gave an empty smirk of skeptical amusement, though what had happened at the ravine before did make him second guess himself. While she was very timid around him now, she didn't hesitate to scold him for the condition Scootaloo was in before. No fear to meeting someone new and no timid underpinning, just righteous indignation.
'She does seem to care about Scootaloo's well being, Sin. It might be nice to have someone around who could help out with all of the... mare problems she'll eventually develop.'
Those are a long way off, Critic... I think. Besides, the problem is going to be keeping her fed and hydrated. Scootaloo's quiet, and that makes her easy enough to tolerate, Krystal will likely be a different matter. That, and money's pretty tight for us right now, not to mention there's no food out in the Badlands to forge for. The Shrublands wont be much different, and Appleoosa wont be a cheap town for anything.
"You look worried." Gem said.
Worried was an understatement. There was so much to consider when just taking Scootaloo into account, to add yet another helpless companion on top of that? Another body that required a certain amount of water a day to survive and even more so to be comfortable. Food, money, protection, balancing quick travel with consideration for comfort and proper rest, variables of inevitable physical sickness... and that didn't even begin to break into his own mental tolerance upon the social implications, nor the coming tests of desperation and feelings of stress that both the girls would eventually go through.
"Lot to consider." Sin grunted. His ear twitched as the bathroom door opened and two pairs of hoofsteps came close, two happy voice accompanying them.
Sin stood from his place and grabbed the saddlebag he'd placed by the couch, thinking that the bath's end meant they could head back to ravine for the night.
"Where are you going, Islander?" Scootaloo asked.
"We've eaten and you've had your bath, it's time to head out to set up camp." The stallion replied.
Scootaloo protested his decision, stating that Krystal was going to show her how to preen her wings. Sighing in irritation, Sin dropped his bags and asked Krystal how long the demonstration would take. To his dismay, the little filly had literally no idea on how to oil nor clean her wings, it would take at least an hour for her to learn to harness the needed glands as well as the proper technique.
I can't fucking believe this.
'C'mon Sin, Scootaloo's a pegasus. Just because you've forgone learning to fly and decent avian hygiene doesn't mean she should.'
Sin pressed his lips and agreed to stay the extra hour, it was already dark out anyways, aside from the extra hour of sleep, nothing of great value would be lost.
"How about you two just stay the night?" Gem asked, only compounding Sin's irritation. "It's no trouble, and I bet you two would like a soft bed to sleep in for the night rather than the ground."
Scootaloo nodded with enthusiasm, happy to accept the gracious offer. Krystal also seemed pleased by the idea and lead the orange filly off to her room to give the needed lessons before Sin could voice any protest.
He didn't want to stay here. The Federalist didn't think it was a trap by either of his enemies, but he just knew that Gem wouldn't allow them to leave without feeding all of them in the morning, there by, wasting even more time. Then there was having to deal with Granite in the morning as well...
Seeing nothing he could do, Sin rubbed his eyes and sighed in frustration.
"Islander, may I ask you something?" The teal pegasus inquired, looking at him in concern. "Why are you so angry?"
He told her that he'd wanted to make good time to Appleoosa, but that wasn't what Gem meant by the question.
Turning her body, her tranquil and knowing expression turned serious and accusatory. "Ever since I've met you, you've had a scowl on your face, your eyes are as empty and cold as a landlord's heart. You're standoffish and crude, irritable, and it's clear you do not wish to be here, despite my being nothing less than hospitable to you. Do not lie to me and say that your behavior is simply due to punctuality, I may not look it, but I've been around a while, long enough to know a broken and darkened soul when I see it."
Sin's eyes wide at the accusation and he stuttered for a reply, the sudden accusation more than throwing him for a loop.
How the hell did she see that?
"I have no idea what you're talking about." Sin said, his eyes narrowing.
Gem's eyes narrowed to match, inspecting the Federalist's own. "Something bad happened to you, didn't it?"
"Bad things happen to everyone." Sin countered. Gem nodded in acquiescence, but shot back that his suffering was enough to "steal the light from his eye", something that the teal green pegasus had seen only twice in her life.
Sin wished he'd had his goggles with him, this was exactly the reason why he wore them. He maintained his calm, but feared that his typically unreadable stoicism would fail him.
Sin's breathing began to quicken as Gem's stare intensified. He wanted to look away, but the way she spoke, no, it was her voice itself. It captivated him, gripped him and compelled him to maintain contact, despite the severe discomfort. His emotional defense were powerless against her search and judgement, the stallion could almost feel her poking and prodding around in his mind.
"Most ponies would deny that something was wrong with them, but that's their weakness to be exploited, denial. You don't deny it, not to yourself. You know something's wrong with you, that you're hurt and bitter, but you embrace that. What most make more vulnerable by protecting, you hurt in yourself to make it tough. You make that pain into a strength, I can see it in your eyes that you do."
Sin couldn't believe what he was hearing. This didn't make any sense, how could she know all of this? What possible experience could she have undergone to see through him? She had seen it twice, right? So, that had to have something to do with it.
"Alright." Sin closed his eyes to make an argument. "Let's say you're right. Let's say I'm everything you say I am. Are you sure you want your daughter going with me?"
The Federalist finished his question with an empty smirk, knowing he had her beat. Surely a mother wouldn't dare trust someone like that with their precious, innocent little girl, right? So either he'd have her in her misplacing Krystal in his care, or he'd have her in her in a misconception about his character. Either way, he won.
Gem pressed her lips and closed her eyes. "Your anger and loathing is directed at yourself, you pose just as much threat to Krystal as you do Scootaloo. You have good moral character. If I didn't think you did, I wouldn't be talking to you right now." She said sagely before opening her eyes again and looking at him.
Sin shook his head. "Conjecture at best. Tell me, what evidence do you have to substantiate such an off the cuff claim?"
Gem cringed at his words and her gaze lowered down to her hooves, letting his words linger in the air for a moment as she composed her thoughts.
"The first pony I met with dead eyes... was a pony mare from Detrot named Cherry... I met her when I was about you and Krystal's age..." She started, leading into a story about how said mare was her room mate in Canterlot before coming to the Ravine. Cherry, as expected, had a talent in cherry farming and making cherry centered food goods. However, while her talent lay with fruit, her heart lied in music, specifically the piano. Cherry didn't have the raw talent that anypony with a cutie mark for music did, but she practiced and worked hard at it, buying her own piano and playing whenever she could.
According to the teal mare, Cherry's improvements in her craft were menial at best. Her dream to become part of a major concert continually eluding her grasp because of her incapability lead her to become cynical and disenfranchised with life. The pony wanted nothing to do with her name sake, all she wanted to do was make beautiful music. Gem would often find her listening to classics on the a vynal player and studying the composition sheets all throughout the wee hours of the morning.
"She tried so hard..." Gem sniffled, fighting back a few tears. "She was such a good pony. Very centered on helping others and never wanted to be a burden. Cherry was a proud pony, It took me weeks to get her to open up to me and tell me about everything, how empty and hopeless she felt, how unhappy with her life she was..."
As sad as the tale was, Sin didn't see the point of it. So she had a sad friend who sucked at the piano, life's tough like that.
Taking a calming breath, the sagely mare continued. "She got better though, she really did. When she wasn't working at the bakery, she'd play her little portable piano in the park. Ponies used to give her money in passing, but many had actually stopped to hear her play after that... but that's when things took a bad turn for her."
"Cherry decided she wanted to audition for the Canterlot concert, confident that she'd improved enough over the months to finally join. She was so determined, her eyes so full of passion and life that I didn't have the heart to stop her, and I wish I would have."
What the fuck is she on about? What is the point of all of this?
'Shut up! I'm trying to listen to the rest of this.'
As expected, Cherry tanked in the audition, but it was more than just a simple rejection. Most of the judges were kind in their criticism, but one was not. She said that Cherry had no business wasting the concert judgement's time and yelled at her to leave and never return. It was an unnecessary soul crushing cruelty that boiled Sin's blood just to think about.
"She came back to the apartment in tears, absolutely inconsolable. No matter what I did or said, Cherry would just go on and on about how useless she was and how she'd never achieve her dream... then one day, she stopped crying." Gem stopped and eyed the Federalist. "She had that same look in her eye, the look of bitter and begrudged acceptance. She didn't care about anything anymore, she didn't eat right, she didn't help out ponies like she used to.
Sighing, Gem picked up her tea again. "The world was nothing but crooks and swindlers to her after that. She treated me and our friends well enough, but anypony else was just another misfit looking to take advantage of her. She finally took to locking herself away in her room, isolating herself from everypony else, including me."
"Then, one day, when I hadn't seen her for a while, I went up to confront the issue..." The mare sighed again, her fetlocks tightening around her tea cup as her eyes filled with painful reminiscence. "I found she- she'd hung herself."
Sin felt a slight sting of guilt in his chest, hearing about a friend's suicide was a special button for him, a button he couldn't ignore. But even so, he didn't know what all of this had to do with him.
Gem sniffled and offered him a sad, gentle smile. "Because, Islander, ponies like you are the best sort. What made Cherry and I friends was the morals we shared. Loyalty, compassion, faithfulness, waiting until marriage for sex. The ponies I worked with would go on and on about all of the stallions the'd bedded or gossip about promiscuity, condemning others for the very acts they bragged about the day before. I didn't like them, not at all, but Cherry was different. She understood what I wanted and why, something those mares could never do. Even when she was absolutely miserable, she never strayed from her principals."
"There were a few mares and stallions everypony knew gave sexual favors in exchange for higher considerations. That's how the entertainment business works. Cherry didn't do that, she valued her chastity and self respect too much, and because of her standing by her convictions, she suffered. She suffered because the world couldn't meet her standards of morality and ethical conduct, and that made her cynical and suicidal. I may be wrong in this, but I think your principals hurt you the same way hers did."
Sin was speechless. He had no idea how to reply to that, what could anyone say to hearing such an accurate statement? Granted, their situation were vastly different, but it was more or less his personal values, and the world's inability to meet them, that made him how he was.
"There's an old saying my father used to tell me." Gem said, standing from her place. "Within every hardened cynic, there's a devastated idealist."
And with that, the mare finished her tea, offered Sin the couch to sleep, and bid the stallion good night.
"You said she was one of two." Sin said aloud, halting the light green earth mare in her tracks. "What happened to the other one."
Curiosity was a strange thing sometimes, the Federalist already knew the answer. He'd tried to commit suicide once already, and often thought about ending his misery on occasion to this day. It was... a morbid curiosity that drove him to know what happened to Gem's other associate.
"I met him in Appleoosa twenty two years ago after I left Canterlot. He was a drunkard, a retired guards pony from Stalliongrad who grew to hate the government for abandoning him when he'd been injured while on duty." She explained.
"Alright, but what happened to him?" Sin asked, a little more forcefully.
Gem chuckled. "I married him."
Scootaloo awoke to find her mouth dry and slimey.
Her wings felt better than they had in months, though her mouth still tasted a little oily and cottonish from all of the licking application with her tongue. Krystal had shown her how to properly remove dead feathers and oil her wings. It wasn't the most pleasant of thing to taste, but there was a certain majesty in the act that Scootaloo couldn't deny.
She stood from her sleeping sack and was about to wake Krystal for a glass of water but found the off white pegasus missing from her bed. Curious, the filly crept out of the bedroom and heard whispers coming from down the hallway. She was about to knock on the door when she heard her name said and froze.
"Scootaloo's very nice, and do like her. Islander is... I don't think he likes me. What if his not liking me makes him say no? This all seems so sudden, momma." She heard Krystal say.
Gem whispered that things happen suddenly in the outside world, that the steady and assurance of the rock farm was an exception to the rule, and that if her daughter was going to go out into the world, she'd need to learn to accept situations where there wasn't much time to consider them.
It also surprised the filly to know that the green mare had already convinced her companion to allow Krystal's company. She wasn't sad about it, it would be nice to have a fellow female around to talk to. Krystal was nice, very sweet and careful. A little unsure and submissive, but Scootaloo could help her with that.
"I don't know, momma. Papa's not going to like this one bit, neither will momma Sandy or Obsi or Scoria. Oh dear, momma, are you ok-"
The mare was cut off and a silence descended upon the hall like a dark shadow, Scootaloo holding her breath for fear of being heard and found out. Soon, she heard some even smaller whispers, emotional and imploring sniffling and words, begging Krystal to consider herself for once. That her life was never meant to revolve around what her parents wanted, and that she shouldn't worry so much about looking after them all.
"Krystal," Gem sniffled from behind the door, sounding as if she was in tears. "I know family is important to you. I know that you love each and every one of us, and you know that all of us love you, even Obsidian. We love you so much it hurts to think about you finding another pony sometimes, but I know you're not happy here, Kristi, not really. I can see it in your eyes, and I can see it in your father's eyes. He knows your not happy either, but he's told you a lot of lies about the outside world to keep you here."
She took a breath, leaving the sounds of Krystal's own sobs free reign in their absence. Scootaloo felt her heart sink at the gut wrenching sounds. It made the terrible feeling of Krystal lying to her feel minuscule by comparison. What she herd next was almost enough to make her cry.
"I- I'm scared, momma."
"There are dangerous things in the world, dangerous ponies. Ponies of ill intent and morals, I know this to be true, I've met them." Gen sniffled, her next words spoken in a way where Scootaloo could hear the smile. "But you can't let that fear keep you from exploring it, Kristi. For all of the bad things in the world, there are good too. The rainbow falls of Cloudsdale, the cascading water of Neihagra Falls, and the beautiful city of Canterlot. Oh sweet heart, during the night, the stars disappear because it's so bright, It's so beautiful, nothing like out her in the country. And then there's the rediscovered Crystal Empire up north, I want you to see it, I want you to see the world and indulge your wanderlust and happiness."
Scootaloo furrowed her brow in concentration. She knew Krystal was sheltered, but it didn't hit her just how terrible such a thing would be until she'd realized a sight the filly took for granted every day was a spectical the young mare had never once seen. It made her feel a little privledged and undeserving, but those feelings were dismissed as quickly as they came.
"If... if I don't like it out there... Can I come back home, please?"
A sharp rage shot through Scooaloo's barrel at the implication, and the pity she felt suddenly burned with white hot envy. Krystal had a home, she had a family who loved and cared about her... why should she get any sympathy from the orange foal, when she had none of that?
Indignity overcame her thirst and curiosity and Scootaloo silently crept back to her bed sack for a fruitless attempt at sleep.