//------------------------------// // Social Bear Trap // Story: Painted Mirror // by Lord of Turtles //------------------------------// “...and now I have to fight the guy and I'm not allowed to touch him.” Raj finished and took a sip of his water, glaring sourly around the room. Fancy Pants shook his head in disbelief. “Goodness Captain. That is simply terrible.” “Despicable.” his wife added, her accent exaggerating out of anger. “Challenging a foreigner with such obscure laws. It is cowardice of the worst kind; hiding behind technicalities like that.” “Well said Fleur. Atrocious manners from somepony that is supposed to be royalty.” He nodded towards her. “Remind me to cancel our attendance to his croquet tourney.” Fleur nudged his side. “But Love, my cousin is in that tourney. He will be expecting us.” “Ah, of course, it must have slipped my mind. Remind me to be curt when greeting him then.” Raj sank into his chair and crossed his arms. “I should have known there would be rules and laws about this thing. Coltumbus got me worked up and I wasn't thinking straight.” Rarity put a hoof on his arm, “Don't blame yourself Rajrishi, you were just trying to be a gentlecolt and stand up for me.” “I guess so. No use fussing over that now, should focus on what's going to happen next.” He paused for a moment before looking over at Fancy Pants. “What does happen next?” Fancy Pants cleared his throat and answered, “Well, generally when a dueling challenge is issued the seconds for each party discuss the issue first and try to find a non-violent method to resolve things. Failing that, they set a time and place for the event.” “Alright, when is that supposed to happen?” “Typically? Within minutes of the challenge.” Then, as if summoned, a yellow stallion in crisp army fatigues trotted up to the table and bellowed, “Captain Rajarash, I, Sergeant Thistledown, have come to engage in parley.” “It's Rajrishi sir, Rajrishi.” he corrected yet again. He cocked his head, “Are you certain? His highness seemed very certain that your name was Rajarash.” “It's my name dammit. I know how to say it.” Raj insisted back. The stallion shrugged and said, “Regardless, I am here to negotiate terms for your duel with Prince Blueblood.” Raj stood up, “Alright then, let's get this settled.” Thistledown held up a hoof. “Sorry sir, but the parley phase is traditionally managed by the party's seconds, not the parties themselves.” “I don't have a second, but I can negotiate for myself.” Thistledown shook his head. “If you do not care to appoint a representative then we shall skip the peace-talk phase and proceed directly to terms of the confrontation. Prince Blueblood demands a public-” Raj's eyes widened and he held up a hand to interrupt the straight-laced pony, “Now hold on, hold on, I'll appoint someone. Um, Fancy Pants, you seem to know procedure here, would you step up for me?” The gentlecolt's eyes went so wide they popped his monocle, “Oh! Well I'm not certain if I can...” “I'll do it!” shouted Rarity as she bolted to her hooves. “I will attend Captain Rajrishi as his représentant de confiance.” She raised her head proudly and slammed her hoof on the floor. Raj leaned back, somewhat surprised by her outburst. “You sure Rarity?” “Quite sure Captain. Now then, come along sergeant, let's end this dispute with words.” she trotted past him and he turned to follow. Raj lowered into his chair and tracked them as they maneuvered over to a section of abandoned tables so they could have some marginal privacy. He sighed audibly and stared up into the middle distance. “God I hope she can fix this.” Fancy Pants picked up his wineglass in his horngrip and swished it with a light chuckle. “Lady Rarity is a mare with few equals in this world. If she can't solve this misunderstanding amicably then I doubt anypony could.” He looked to his side and noticed the slight scowl on his wife's face. He hurriedly sputtered out “And, um, what led you to invite her to this event tonight Captain? Hoping to sweep the good lady off her hooves? If so, I do believe that fighting for her honor just might do the trick.” “Nothing of the sort, she asked me to come with her.” he said back flatly, ignoring the lurid connotations of his question. Fancy Pants raised an eyebrow. “Oh. Were you not invited?” “No, I wasn't.” Raj glanced around at the few ponies that were eyeballing him before looking up at the ship hanging in the center of the room. “And I'm starting to think there was a reason for that.” “Nonsense. I'm certain it was some sort of oversight. You're the commander of the Lunar Guard, you deserve to have a presence here.” “Not according to some ponies.” Raj took a bite of his salad and stared at Rarity speaking with the uniformed stallion several tables away. Even without hearing her, Raj could tell she was trying to... seduce wasn't the right word. Entice? That was close. He could see she was trying to entice the stallion to acquiescence. After a few minutes of negotiations she trotted back over looking somewhat dejected. “Well, that could have gone better.” “Were you able to talk him into calling it off?” “I'm afraid not Raj darling, Blueblood impressed on his ally that he will not countenance to anything less than your bout, though I can't imagine why he'd have such rancor towards you. The best I could do was push it back to eleven so you have more time to prepare. I had to agree to go to some gallery opening with Thistledown just to get that much. Raj leaned into his hand and shook his head. “Well, that sucks. Thanks for trying Rarity.” “Thanks are not necessary. It was simply my duty to seek any diplomatic end to this quarrel.” She lifted her head up proudly. “Don't think that's going to shake out today.” He pushed his plate away and sighed, “So, since I'm going to have to fight this guy I should know how this works. Are duels timed or anything?” Rarity shook her head. “No, duels in almost all circumstance go on until they are done.” “I've heard of the legendary grudge-match between General Cirrus and Major Northwind that lasted a full day before Cirrus collapsed from exhaustion.” Fancy Pants added. Raj shivered. “God I hope it doesn't go that long. These things aren't to the death, are they?” Her head craned back and disgust painted her face. “Celestia no, that would be terribly ghastly. If such a thing happened you would be arrested for murder, or at least ponyslaughter. Duels proceed until one party surrenders. The second from either camp may surrender in the event that their party is incapacitated and traditionally a doctor is on hoof to attend to any injuries.” “It's actually a rather safe system for settling disputes.” Fancy Pants leaned in. “I don't believe anypony has died in a sanctioned duel for almost... fifty years now I'd wager. And that last one was an accident. Slipped on a banana peel and fell into a furnace if memory serves.” Raj paused, “Um, well, that first part is great news and I'm gonna ask about that second bit later. But, what happens now?” “Now, we wander around the hangar and try to find a duel you can observe. With this many military ponies about there's bound to be a few matters of honor being settled.” Rarity bit her lip, humming in excitement. “Ah, you're in luck. One of my compatriots informed me that there is a matter being taken care of between Lieutenant Brasser and Sergeant Crunch. It should be starting soon.” He felt a tug on his sleeve and chuckled lightly to himself. “But if you'll excuse me, I believe I have kept my wife off the dance floor for far too long.” Fancy Pants stood up and offered his hoof to his visibly excited wife. She took it with a smile and all but dragged him towards a block of ponies dancing in formation. Fancy Pants had good information, as asking around for a minute led them to the other side of the hangar and the cluster of ponies gathering there. Raj blustered his way through the crowd to see a space had been cleared of ponies for a unicorn mare and a unicorn stallion to settle their differences. Rarity pulled him down and whispered in his ear. “We're in luck Raj. Since these two are unicorns, you should be able to get a good picture of what dueling one would be like. Pick one and pay close attention to them. Watch how they launch attacks and try to find the rhythm.” “I know how to watch a fight Rarity.” He muttered back as the parties shook hooves and proceeded to opposites sides of their impromptu arena. A sextet of unicorns on the edges lit their horns and a high wall of indigo light flashed into being for an instant before settling into a transparent rectangle around the arena. Raj reached out and flicked the barrier, watching the ripple of energy run across it from the contact. A nearby mare hissed at him and slapped his hand for doing so and he muttered a quick apology before shoving his hands in his pockets. A uniformed pegasus started a countdown and both combatants tensed up, going low as their horns started glowing. The moment she reached zero a river of brilliance erupted out of both unicorns as dozens of projectiles wrought out of arcane light were summoned up and launched at terrific speed only to splash off of hastily erected moment-fields in flares of wild technicolor. He winced and squinted his eyes, struggling to watch through the display. The initial bursts of energy subsided but neither pony let up. The mare cast a streaming ray of energy that glided over the surface of a domed forcefield and sparked off the barrier protecting the crowd. The stallion struggled under the withering offense and summoned up a billowing column of emerald flames at his opponent. The mare cut her laser off in an instant and floated over one of the tables to take cover behind it. The stallion, sensing victory, focused harder and narrowed the cone of flame, washing heat off the quickly failing tabletop. As the wood started to char and break away, a loud crack sounded out and something purple and streaking tore along the column of fire. A bolt of energy smacked the stallion directly on the forehead and his flames cut off immediately as he staggered, a thin line of purple leaking down his face. The mare tossed aside her cover and cried out in glee as the walls came down. A round of applause went up among some of the assembled ponies and a good number went over to congratulate the winner. A doctor pony trotted up to the stallion to give him a once over as his companions came over to console him over his loss. The whole thing had taken about thirty seconds. After a few seconds of standing in stunned silence inhaling the reek of ozone from so many spells Raj blurted out “What the hell was that?” Rarity cocked her head. “Oh, well these two were operating under standard Equestrian dueling law, so it was only to first blood. They tend to be a good deal shorter, so you really have to pay attention if you want to see the action.” “No, that's not what I'm talking about. It was like a fireworks show in miniature. They shot fire and lasers at each other, it was crazy.” He sputtered at her, visibly exasperated. Rarity looked at him quizzically and said “Well, yes Raj. That's what a duel between Unicorns is like. A rapid flurry of spells to try and get the first hit in. It's a raw contest of arcane skill.” She rolled her eyes. “Frankly, the two of them weren't even all that skilled, most of those spells were just low level ones like magic missile. Even I can conjure up a magic missile.” He went silent for a second shook his head. “So... Blueblood is even stronger than those two.” Rarity cocked her head and replied, “Well, for all his numerous faults, Prince Blueblood is a fully trained and accredited War Unicorn. It's not an easy title to acquire darling.” “I am so screwed.” Raj groaned as he wiped a hand down his face. Rarity bumped him with her shoulder. “Oh, don't be so negative Rajy dear.” Raj remembered his manners and bit back an interruption. “There's always a way to handle things, you just need a plan. Come on, we have a few hours left yet, there's bound to be a few more contests you can observe so we can hone your strategy.” Rarity pranced off, head bobbing. Rajrishi followed after, wondering why she seemed to be having so much fun with this. The next few hours saw two more duels happening in the hangar, both between unicorn officers. They proceeded almost exactly like the first; a wild flurry of spells until one of them managed to poke a hole in the others defense. None of them lasted more than a minute. It was half an hour before his set time and Blueblood was already ordering ponies out of a huge section of the hangar, an area comparable to a basketball court. Ponies were already queuing up to see the first Unicornian duel in years, and one with an alien no less. Even the ship overhead was being moved so that ponies would be able to watch from the deck. Rarity leaned across the table as he inspected the preparations. She tapped a hoof to get his attention and whispered, “Alright, I do believe it's time to get our plan settled. Now then, as far as I know, Blueblood has never been in a Unicornian duel before either, so he'll be unfamiliar with the circumstances. Since you can't touch him, you'll have to strike with thrown objects. Do you think you can hurl a table at him?” Raj saw Blueblood picking out the unicorns that would likely form the arena and answered back tonelessly, “Absolutely.” “Good, then that's what we'll need to do. As soon as things start, dodge his first salvo and find some cover. Then you just need to-” “Rarity, I don't think this is necessary.” “What? Well it most certainly is. If you're going to make a good showing, you need to have a plan.” “Rarity, I... I don't care about all that. I'm just going to surrender, as soon as the match starts I'm calling it.” She balked “W-what? Why?” “I got outfoxed Rarity, completely. The guy knew what was up and I feel for it, hook, line, and sinker, and I don't need to get knocked around for ten rounds for me to realize it. There's no point to it.” “But all these ponies will see you and-” He cut her off again. “Earning the approval of all these... ponies isn't worth getting hurt. Not to me. I don't give one wit about them and what they think of me.” Rarity went quiet and stared at the tabletop for a few moments before looking up. “Well... if that's your decision, I'll support it.” Raj gave her a weak smile. “Thanks Rarity, I just... I'm just done with this.” Her smile reappeared and she chirped. “I completely understand Rajrishi. Sometimes the only way to beat somepony is to not engage.” She leaned forward and laid a hoof on his arm. Raj grabbed it and gave a slight squeeze before standing up. “I am going to get something to drink and order a cab around. I figure we'll want to leave right afterwards so get yourself ready.” She nodded and he headed for the nearest bar. On his approach he saw a familiar rosy maned unicorn chugging water as fast as the bartender could get it to her. As he got nearer he saw that her entire outfit was damp with sweat and her mane had all but collapsed. He furrowed his brow and asked. “Fleur, are you okay?” She floated away a cup and lifted another. “I am absolutely marvelous Captain.” she answered with a smile that reached her eyes. “What have you been doing?” he asked before saying to the bartender, “Same as before.” “Dancing.” she replied matter-of-factually. “This whole time? It's been hours.” “I like to dance and military balls have some of the best public dancing to be had.” She floated up a wad of napkins and dabbed the sweat off her face. “Does Fancy Pants enjoy it as well?” “Fancy enjoys it much less, but he knows how much I love it so he tries.” She looked at the cup the bartender hoofed to him and added, “What about you? Aren't you fighting your duel a few minutes? Should you be drinking?” “Not drinking. Club soda.” He took a sip of his drink and added. “Probably not going to be much fighting either.” She raised an eyebrow. “Oh?” “Yes, oh. I'm just going to give up as soon as the match starts. I'm not going to bother giving Blueblood the opportunity to beat me down and then gloat about that too.” “Ah, I understand.” She took a sip of her water again as her smile evaporated. “I was mistaken it seems.” “About what?” “That you and Rarity are friends.” Raj paused and stuttered back “We... we are friends.” “Then why are you ruining her life like this?” She asked insistently. Raj pressed a pair of fingers to his temple. “How? How is this ruining her life? You don't make sense.” Fleur sighed and crossed her legs on the table. “You really know nothing of dueling culture, don't you? Rarity is your second, the pony in charge of handling the diplomacy of your duel. If you surrender right away, that will tell everypony present that she was too incompetent to broker any sort of peaceful arrangement, even one that ceded victory to Blueblood. That would destroy her socially, nopony would do business with her after that. She would be effectively excised from Canterlot.” Raj stopped, thought about it for a second, and leaned his head back in exasperation. “I… did not think about that.” Fleur rolled her eyes. “It is gratifying to see that stallions are oblivious dolts regardless of what world they hail from.” She snagged a pair of water glasses in her magic and started walking off. “I must return to the dance floor. I wish you luck with your surrender Captain.” Raj watched her go before finishing his soda. He checked the clock and found that he had less than ten minutes. Sighing dejectedly, he slipped off his jacket and made his way towards the arena.