“Dearest Fluttershy, I am possessed by an idea…” Discord’s words slithered through the air like serpents, causing Fluttershy to stop her knitting and Cadance looked up from her picture book about stuffed animals having a picnic in the woods. “After much thought and consideration, I do believe I know how to help him.”
“Discord?” Fluttershy put down her knitting and looked at her husband.
“We have to suck the poison out, Fluttershy my dearest.” Discord paused and his eyebrow rose. “It’s like that kiss of life that you told me about… what was that again?”
“Cardiopulmonary resuscitation?” Fluttershy shook her head. “Discord, that puts air and life into a body that can’t breathe on their own.” She turned to look at Bucky, who was giggling as he stared up at the ceiling.
“Same principle,” Discord replied as he made a dismissive wave with his lion’s paw. “Somepony needs to get a good strong lip lock on dearest Buckminster and then draw the chaos out.”
“Oh… oh dear.” Fluttershy clutched her two front end appendages together.
“It should be you,” Discord said to his wife.
“M-m-me?” Fluttershy stammered. “W-w-why me?”
“You and Bucky had a foal together…. that is a sufficient level of intimacy for this sort of thing… now, Fluttershy my dearest, I’ve been very understanding about that incident, you making a foal with Bucky, and I promise, I’ll be very understanding about this as well. No hard feelings.”
“Oh no!” Fluttershy shook her head, her eyes blinking, and her tail began swishing all around in a nervous manner. “Discord, darling, you and Bucky are best friends. I’m sure Bucky would understand if you did what needed to be done. He’s very understanding, yes he is. He’s a very understanding and good pony.” Fluttershy began to nod her head.
Discord grabbed his own tail and began to wring it between his paw and talons, his chest rising and falling with each breath. “Fluttershy, he would take it better coming from you. I’m ugly… look at me… I’m hideous! And you… you’re beautiful! Look at you… those buck teeth! Those claws! The innie belly button!”
Fluttershy let out a long squeal of concern and Cadance sat on the floor, shaking her head as her tiny wings fluttered. Over in her crib, Bandua let out a curious peep. Bucky continued to laugh in an unhinged manner as he lay in the bed. Lunacy and Tranquility lay snoring together, with Tranquility inhaling through her mouth and Lunacy exhaling through another end entirely, letting out a little trumpeting blast every few seconds like clockwork.
“Discord, now you have to do it… for your self esteem.” Fluttershy’s words had a gentle sense of finality. She leaned forwards in her chair, her eyes narrowing, and a growing look of concern upon her face. “He’s your best friend and he’ll understand. He’s misshapen and mismatched as well, and you need to be a good example for him. You owe it to yourself and to your best friend… be there for Bucky in his hour of need.”
“Daddy needs a grown up,” Cadance said in a worried voice.
“Cadance, darling, we are grown ups,” Fluttershy replied in gentle tones. “Discord, you know what must be done. Bring Bucky back to us.”
Discord inhaled, inflating his chest, and he looked down at Cadance, almost as if he was seeking approval. The little pink foal stared up at him, and a silent exchange took place. After a moment of staring at one another, Cadance relented, and shrugged. She looked at her father, then up at Discord, and then, with a palpable sense of trepidation, she nodded her consent.
Pulling a container of breath freshener out of nowhere, Discord gave himself a few spritzes, filling the room with the scent of mint, blinked a few times out of nervousness, gave himself another spritz of breath freshener, and then turned to look at Fluttershy.
Fluttershy gave Discord a gesture of encouragement with her two front legs, waving at Bucky, urging him on, a warm, worried look in her eyes. “Discord, you can do it… be the good draconequus I know you can be… cardiopulmonary resuscitation can be awkward, but he’s your friend… you can do this… you are giving a bunch of foals their father back!”
“I can do this!” Discord said in a confident voice as he drew nearer to Bucky.
Covering her eyes, Cadance peered out from between her front hooves, her eyes were almost squeezed shut, and she looked disgusted but intrigued. She watched as Discord slipped his forelegs around her father and lifted him into a gentle embrace.
“Dearest Buckminster, I wouldn’t do this for anypony else,” Discord whispered as he angled Bucky’s head and muzzle, preparing for the act to come. “You and I, we’re besties… and when this is over, I’m going to write out a friendship report for Twilight and Celestia to read, and it’s going to be the bestest friendship report ever, as I tell them all about how I overcame my self esteem issues so I could save my best friend.” Discord paused, puckered, and then he a paused again. “Flutters, when we tell this story later, can I be the noble prince that woke the sleeping princess with a kiss? I mean… he has a reputation as Princess Bucky—”
“Get on with it!” Fluttershy snapped.
Closing his eyes, Discord smooshed his long muzzle against Bucky’s somewhat more lupine muzzle, and he could feel Bucky’s lips forming a seal with his own. Discord opened his mouth and much to his chagrin, he felt Bucky’s tongue invading as Discord began to inhale, trying to suck the chaos out of Bucky.
From her chair, Fluttershy watched as an orange tongue snaked out of Discord’s ear, which caused her to feel equal parts arousal and revulsion. Discord’s whole body was shaking. The room was filled with chaos of the worst sort, and Fluttershy found that she rather enjoyed it.
Cadance, unable to bear watching for another second, continued watching as she peered out from between her front hooves, her muzzle contorted into the most unpleasant scowl of disgust ever seen on the face of any alicorn, at any time, in any reality, in any when or where. Never would there be an alicorn this disgusted ever again, and in Cadance’s defense, no alicorn, old or young, should ever witness the kiss of life between a draconequus and their parent.
“Blech!” Cadance cried, protesting the cruelty of the universe.
As Bucky’s tongue slithered in and out of Discord’s ear, doing so in defiance of all of the laws of nature and all things natural, Discord continued to apply suction as the kiss of life intensified. There was a great whooshing sound as Discord tried to suck out as much chaos as possible. Bucky’s tongue vanished with a slurp, shooting back down inside of Discord’s ear, retreating from whence it came, and Bucky’s whole body went stiff and rigid.
“GAH!” Bucky shoved Discord away and a long string of slobber connected the two.
“Bucky?” Discord asked, sounding worried.
“Ugh!” Bucky tried crawling away on the bed. “What are you doing to me? Did you at least buy me a drink first? Ugh!”
“Bucky!” Fluttershy lunged forwards and threw herself on the bed where Bucky was. “We thought we lost you… you were in the Warp and you lost your mind because you were full of chaos and Discord sucked the chaos out of you and I’m so ashamed of myself because I didn’t have the courage to give you the kiss of life and give you cardiopulmonary resuscitation of a sort to bring you back!”
“Huh?” Bucky blinked and gave Fluttershy a blank stare.
“You and I had a foal together, Bucky… I shouldn’t be scared of intimacy between us!”
“What?” Bucky tried to get away from the pair of crazed draconequus spawns in the bed with him.
But Fluttershy didn’t give him a chance. She grabbed him, threw her forelegs around his neck, opened her mouth wide, and latched onto Bucky’s lips like a lamprey. Bucky’s eyes went wide as Fluttershy applied powerful suction and worked to ensure that the last of the chaos was drawn out of Bucky’s system. He made a few feeble kicks and tried to resist, but Fluttershy had all of the strength and power of a real draconequus.
“Yuck!” Cadance said as she retreated to the corner where Tranquility and Lunacy were sleeping on a quilt together. “Gross!”
After a full minute of lip lock, Fluttershy let go and Bucky fell down to the bed with a gasp, staring up at Fluttershy with wide eyes. He let out a startled cry as Fluttershy snatched him up again, then, laughing and crying with relief, Fluttershy began to snuggle Bucky, holding him close while cradling him in her forelegs.
“I have no idea what is going on,” Bucky whimpered, “and why my mouth tastes like Discord… and ear wax... ugh, it’s like rotten eggs or something.” Bucky began spitting and sputtering, trying to get the awful taste out of his mouth.
“Oh, earlier, you covered Discord in custard—”
“Fluttershy, I don’t even want to know!” Bucky cried as he tried to squirm free and failed. “I feel funny… my body feels all weird and unfamiliar… what in Tartarus is going on?”
“You were in the Warp for over four minutes,” Fluttershy replied.
Bucky froze, going stiff in Fluttershy’s embrace. His eyes went vacant and then he went limp. “I saw him again. Her. It. The Creator… I was told I would be preserved because my purpose was not yet finished… that there was still a chance I could fulfil my purpose.”
“Bucky?” Fluttershy pulled Bucky closer and her curious, twitchy nose brushed up against his cheek. “Bucky, you okay?”
“I can’t seem to get away from being me,” Bucky said to nopony in particular as he stared upwards at the ceiling. “I was mocked for resisting so long… I remember now… it felt like it happened a hundred years ago… everything was purple and weird and plaid.”
“Bucky, you are back among your friends… the Warp is gone and that… thing, whatever it is, it’s gone too. Look Bucky, Cadance!” Fluttershy made a gesture with her tail and as if on cue, Cadance came running and lept into the bed.
“Cadybug!” Bucky reached out his talons and his strange, chitinous leg, grabbed Cadance, and pulled her close. He closed his eyes and rubbed his cheek against her. “Let Daddy hold you… I need you, Cady… I don’t feel right.”
“Daddy!” Cadance squirmed in her father and Fluttershy’s embrace, angled her head around, pressed her muzzle up against her father’s face, and began covering him with kisses, not caring at all that Bucky was still damp with draconequus slobber.
“He… she… whatever it is… it mocked me… said the consequences of my choices would only continue to manifest and get worse. It laughed at me.” Clinging to Cadance, Bucky shuddered, and then a low sob slipped out of his body. “This didn’t go very well… I lost somepony that I cared about… and then the Creator itself showed up to have a good laugh at my expense… I hate being me.”
“Hush Bucky… we’ll get you through this,” Fluttershy whispered as she pulled Bucky and Cadance closer.
“My body feels funny…”
“Bucky, the Warp changed you… but you… you survived it somehow.” Discord crawled closer, coiled around Fluttershy, and pulled everything important to him closer.
“I was in there for so long… like centuries…”
“Bucky, hush… it’s all over.” Fluttershy kissed Bucky again, this time on the ear.
“Time passes differently in the Warp.” Discord went limp. “When I went in to rescue you, I almost lost myself. I don’t even like thinking about it and I’m a draconequus… I draw power from the Warp.”
“I can still feel it,” Bucky said in a low voice.
Discord recoiled from Bucky’s admission and cringed. “I’m sure you do… Bucky, be careful, Warp magic is dangerous. It has different rules… there are no rules. There is chaos magic, which is soured harmony magic, and then there is the power of the Warp… Chaos with a capital ‘C’ and all that goes with it. The other end of the powers of godhood. The ass end.”
“Hush, both of you,” Fluttershy insisted. “Cadance, baby, you didn’t hear Auntie Disco say that.”
Cadance did not reply. She was still too busy kissing her daddy, trying to drive away the residual chaos the only way the Alicorn of Love knew how.