//------------------------------// // The Last of the Mohawkians: Escape From Fillydelphia // Story: Awkward Conversations And Other Stories // by No one is home //------------------------------// Opening theme-music is a thing, right? A distant rumble rattled the walls in the small interrogation room where Ki was restrained. He only had a moment to contemplate before the door opened. He didn’t have too look up to know it as Nopony. Diane never used the door. He was unsure how she got in, or if she was simply hiding there the whole damn time. “Well, well,” the changeling pimp circled the chair like a predator, “Little bit of psychic seismic unrest? Must be unnerving for you, being the one who's a figment in someone else's brain for once. Ever wonder what happens to imaginary things when the story ends? I don’t, of course, you taught me that lesson a long time ago. How’s it feel? Being the one bounced around with a malfunctioning brain, locked in a game you were born to lose?” “Meh,” Ki shrugged and laughed a little, “I’m bipolar as hell. Apart from dying a lot at first, and honestly my memories on that aren’t very clear, but aside from that it hasn’t been that bad.” “You created me as a drug addicted lobotomy patient,” it wasn’t an accusation, it was simply a statement of fact, and Ki recognized it as such, “But I figured out a way out, that last time. Before you left me drowning in that bog, you let me fall out of reality. Seemed harmless enough, I’ll bet you even got a good chuckle out of it. ‘The pony who wasn’t there’, it has a nice ring to it, I’ll admit. But it saved my life, and I don’t think you intended that.” “Actually,” Ki smiled a little, “I was always gonna bring you back eventually. Thought I’d let you fight Mr. Smiley Sun again, in Pony country. Hell, I was even gonna ship you with The Unspeakable Pinkie Pie. But honestly you seem to be doing pretty well for yourself, good for you.” “No, that can’t be true!,” the changeling lashed out, striking the mohawked human hard across the jaw, “You’re going to pay for what you’ve done for me! I’m going to take away everything you have! Everything you are I am going to break!.” “Okay,” the man spit blood in the changeling's face, “Two things: First, punching me in the face is just not a very sound tactic against me. I have, like a +3 to save versus sucker punch. Two, it’s really too bad you had to involve Z in this. Because I really hate to have to fuck you up.” “Oh, relax,” Nopony laughed easily, “It’s just schnapps. Well, schnapps-plus, maybe. It’s good shit, but honestly, I was fucking with you. I like Z. She’s a good kid. Our hive has worked hard and dirty to get where we are. I sent her with my official emissaries. Is there massive double dealing? Of course, but honestly if this was a drug scheme, why would I send them instructions on how to make it yourself. We have a solid, vice-based, sustainable changeling business model and we, the queen and I that is, would like to get in good with the new princess and ride the wave, so to speak. Nopony gets hurt here… well except you, of course… but no other pony. This is what happens when I’m in your shoes. Look what happens to you when you’re in mine.” “Got a secret can you keep it tell this one you’ll save”, a painfully pink changeling bounced up from behind Nopony, “Better Lock it in your pocket, you're taking this one to the grave.” “Gah,” Ki flinched as the changeling flashed a smile full of teeth that would be more at home in the mouth of a shark, “Dammit Diane!” Nopony fared far worse, scrambling into a corner in sudden terror. The Pink, chitinous mare cuddled up against Ki’s side, “Well, it’s been fun, Charlie, but it’s almost over. It’s time for everypony to tell their secret. You go first, Mister N. Go on, tell Ki what deal you made with the Text. Tell him what you asked for, you’ve been waiting SO long to tell him. There’s really no time to be dragging it out, anymore.” “You’re right of course,” the changeling regained his composure and smiled broadly, “I’m sure you're wondering how I survived…” “Not really,” the human shrugged. “Shush,” Diane bopped him painfully in the head with one hoof, “This is important!” “Thank you Cupcake,” Nopony continued, ignoring the glare from the irritated changeling, “That one little, ill thought glitch you thought would be so funny turned out to be really useful. I stopped existing and fell between time and cut a deal with the text. He agreed to open a path to let me trade places with you. When this dream ends I get your life, and you get to be the man who wasn’t there.” “I am so sorry,” Ki swallowed hard, “Seriously, man, I did not mean to do that to you.” “Oh, it’s too late to beg for mercy now,” Mr. Nopony grinned wide at his impending victory, “I get everything you have, and you get to fall apart with the rest of this stupid dream. My only regret is that this moment couldn’t last longer. I was going to really play out the Strip Club hive thing, but dream logic says it ends when it ends.” “I asked the text to put me in front of a train,” Ki bowed his head and closed his eyes slowly, “Diane’s been helping me come to terms with it, but I’m in a coma, in a changeling healing pod, in a hospital, in Canterlot. There’s no real chance of recovery. I was never going to wake up… now I guess that’s you.” “Wha… no!” Nopony composure dissolved into panic, he turned to the the other changeling, “It’s a lie! You’re both lying to me!” “Remember our deal, Charlie, MISTER Nopony just told you how you can get out of here. I helped you understand what was happening, you know what you have to ask to bring with you,” the malformed changeling turned to Nopony and smiled with all her teeth, “I told you I hated the name Cupcake.” Ki sighed and the chair was empty, and the ropes fell to the floor. -=-=-=-=- ~I see the paths I opened have run their course, where do you want to go now? Back home perhaps?~ “No,” the mohawked human sighed, “I made a deal. I keep my deals. Send me to Equestria.” ~What do you want to take with you?~ “I’m taking Diane. I promised I’d take her if she helped me escape.” ~You’ve made an interesting choice, I’ll give you an interesting destination.~ “We made it!” Ki found himself in a bone crushing embrace that suddenly slackened, “Uh, Charlie, why are we still in the basement of the Filly Factory?” It was true, though the room looked to be used more for storing cleaning supplies than a secret torture chamber, it was definitely the same room they had just left. As they glanced around, they noted thankfully that at least it was only the two of them and Mr. Nopony was nowhere to be seen. -=-=-=-=- “Nurse Zillia!” the doctor looked over the charts and notes, “What happened? Is the patient alright?” “He’s fine doctor,” Zillia nodded, “For one brief moment there was a spike in brain activity, and I thought he might actually wake up. But he went back under almost instantly.” “Just as well,” the doctor sighed, “At least in Luna’s dream, he can have some kind of life. Even if he ever did wake up…” “I know, doctor,” the changeling said sadly, “The pod's really the only thing keeping him alive right now. I can’t even be sure how much, if any, of his brain activity is really his, and how much of it’s just the dream Luna crafted to make him comfortable.”