When I woke up the next morning, I was surprised to find myself in my own bed. Now how in the world had that happened, since I knew for a fact that I had fallen asleep on the couch? Had I sleep-walked and swapped places with Pinkie, or had she moved me? The latter seemed very unlikely. The last time I’d weighed myself, I was at 210, 5 pounds lighter than I was when I started my diet. If my plump-bellied pony friend was difficult for me to carry, imagine how tough it would be for her to drag me around.
Still confused, I got up and went into the living room, where a couple things met my notice. First, Pinkie was nowhere to be seen. Second, Lyra and Bon Bon hadn’t come for me, and it was a little later in the morning than usual. Third, there were sounds of activity coming from the kitchen, and the sound and smell of eggs cooking. Well, perhaps that would explain Pinkie’s absence.
On entering the kitchen, sure enough, I found Pinkie bustling about, wearing an apron, and cooking up a breakfast of pancakes, eggs, and what seemed to be fruit salad. The Kureigh looked untouched, to my relief. Pinkie looked up as I entered, a big smile on her face.
“Morning, Davie!” she said. “Sleep well?”
“Yeah,” I said. “Although, I wasn’t expecting to wake up in my own bed.”
“I told you I wanted the couch,” said Pinkie, sticking her tongue out at me.
“But you didn’t seriously move me, did you?” I asked, incredulously. “How?”
“It wasn’t that tough,” said Pinkie, breezily. “Nothing a few balloons couldn’t handle.”
Wait, what? Did she seriously carry me across my own house with balloons?
“I hope you don’t mind me making us breakfast,” Pinkie said, interrupting my train of thought. “You did say I could help myself to the fridge.”
“I did, didn’t I?” I muttered. “Well, this is very thoughtful of you, Pinkie. Thanks.”
“You’re welcome!” said Pinkie, brightly. “Now go wash up, and I’ll have it ready when you’re done.”
“Ok, ‘Mom’,” I joked, and I heard Pinkie giggle as I went to go get cleaned up.
***
Once I was washed and dressed, I sat down with Pinkie to breakfast. Everything was delicious, as nothing less could be expected.
“Did Lyra or Bon Bon stop by this morning?” I asked, after taking a swig of orange juice.
“Yep,” said Pinkie. “Well, sorta. I heard something at the door, and when I went to check, I saw a note left on your door.”
She handed it across the table to me. It read,
“Hey, Dave. Sorry, but we’re not gonna be able to come for our walks for a while. Bonnie’s got too much to do to prepare for Hearts and Hooves Day, and I agreed to help her. Don’t worry, we’re still going to follow the diet, and we’re confident you’ll be able to carry on without us for a little while. This includes piano practice; you’ve got our utmost faith. -Lyra.”
“Oh, I see,” I said, setting it aside. “I don’t want to stand in the way of their schedules. If they have that much faith in me, I wouldn’t want to let them down, either. I think I can do fine by myself for a while. But speaking of practice,” I added, “I need to get a good start on that song I just bought. With luck, I’ll have it down pat by the time Bon Bon asks me to come in to help.”
“You’ve got plenty of time,” said Pinkie. “Today’s the 23rd, and the week of Hearts and Hooves Day starts on the 10th of February.”
“Sounds nice and long when you say it like that,” I said, “but I can remember fooling myself into procrastination with similar thinking back in school. Didn’t go so well for me.”
“Ahh, you’ll be fine,” said Pinkie, waving her hoof dismissively. “Don’t be such a Fretty McFretterson, or a Worry Von Worrywarton, or a-.”
“I get the picture, Pinkie.”
From there, breakfast continued without further discussion. Once it was done, Pinkie pushed back her plate and sat up.
“Thanks a bunch for letting me stay over, Davie,” she said, “but I really ought to be getting back to Sugarcube Corner.”
“It was my pleasure, Pinkie,” I said, walking with her to the door. “I’ll see you later, ok?”
“Yep-yep! Bye!”
And with that, after giving me a very quick, but nonetheless warm, hug, she hopped out the door, bouncing through the snow and making little craters in it as she did. She looked over her shoulder to smile at me as she disappeared, and I waved and smiled in return. Once she was gone, I went back to the kitchen to clear up. Pinkie hadn’t left too big a mess, especially compared to the aftermath of our cupcakes, but the inside of my fridge was beginning to look lacking. I wondered if Pinkie hadn’t helped herself to the contents after all.
“Ah well,” I said, shrugging. “I needed to restock, anyway.”
***
Later that day, I took a trip down to the Ponyville marketplace to grocery shop. As I browsed around the stalls, I couldn’t help thinking about something that had been wandering on the edge of my mind as of late. While living off bread, dairy, fruits, and vegetables was all well and good, and very beneficial for someone losing weight, what I would really like, one of these days, was a nice, juicy hamburger, or some fried chicken, or even pork chops, just like Mom used to make. The thought alone was enough to make my mouth water…
However, it was no good thinking about that kind of stuff. Early on, when I’d come to realize where I’d landed, I knew that in a society led by equines, satisfying carnivorous cravings might prove impossible. What would my friends think of me, if I showed a sudden desire to eat meat? Fluttershy especially might have a heart attack. I didn’t want to take that risk. In the interest of those I cared about, some sacrifices had to be made.
“Hello, Dave!”
I looked up. I had reached the carrot stall without realizing, and there was Golden Harvest, smiling genially at me.
“Oh! Hi, Golden Harvest. How are you?”
“Pretty well. Fancy some carrots?”
“Yes, please. About half a dozen.”
I slid her some bits, and in return, she slid me some carrots. I laid them as best I could in my saddlebag; it was already pretty full. Either I’d have to get another bag, or make another trip.
“Full load today, huh?” asked Golden Harvest, noticing.
“Heh, yeah,” I said, sheepishly. “I let my fridge get a little too empty.”
Golden Harvest’s expression darkened noticeably at this.
“Don’t even get me started,” she muttered, icily.
I blinked at her. What was she talking about?”
“Come again?” I asked.
“Empty fridges!” said Golden Harvest, her eyes popping wide open. “It feels like I can’t take my eyes off mine for two seconds before, bam! Empty! I don’t know how she does it!”
“Who? Pinkie?” I asked.
“Pinkie? She’s a big eater, definitely, but she doesn’t swing by my place often enough for it. No, I’m talking about Derpy.”
“Derpy?” I asked, incredulous.
“Don’t get me wrong,” said Golden Harvest, “she’s a very dear friend, but she’s got the appetite of a timberwolf, especially for sweet stuff! I mean, I know my friends say they like my cooking, but I swear, I spend more on groceries in a week than most ponies do in a month! Is a little consideration too much to ask for?!”
Quite a few ponies were staring our way now, at Golden Harvest breathing heavily and glaring daggers at nothing in particular. I, for my part, was feeling very uncomfortable, and heartily regretted bringing up refrigerators, empty or otherwise.
“I’m sorry,” I managed to say.
Golden Harvest took a deep breath, and seemed to compose herself.
“Don’t worry about it,” she said. “It’s my burden to bear.”
“Er, right. Well, bye, then.”
I took my leave of the carrot mare and continued on my way, wondering if Derpy knew about all this, and what she would say if I tried explaining it to her. In the end, I decided that maybe this was something I just shouldn’t stick my nose in. Hopefully, it would resolve itself.
***
Once I’d gotten home and restocked my fridge, I set about practicing a little of ‘My Special Somepony’. Though I appreciated Pinkie’s confidence in me, I wasn’t about to start slacking off. Bon Bon and Lyra were counting on me to be there to help, and if the customers would appreciate some romantic music, I didn’t want to shirk my part. I’d practice for maybe an hour, then go out and take my daily walk.
After that, I was afoot again, picking my way leisurely through the countryside. I’d walked this path enough times with Lyra and Bon Bon to know my way, and since I was more awake, I could actually appreciate it a little more. It made me wonder what my former exercise buddies planned to do to keep themselves in shape, now that we were going our separate ways, so to speak.
Come to think of it, those two had been acting kinda weird ever since I came back from Canterlot. Well, maybe it was more accurate to say after Bon Bon’s little sulking fit. There was less snarking between them, and less talking in general, come to think of it. They were happy just to walk alongside each other, so close that their flanks touched. I couldn’t suppress a vague feeling that something else was going on here, but I couldn’t think what.
I was dragged out of my thoughts by a loud cry of ‘Pull!’ All of a sudden, a Frisbee whizzed past my ear, seconds before something like a bullet did the same. It glanced off the Frisbee, which floated unsteadily to the snow.
“What the-?!”
“Whoops! Sorry, Dave!”
I looked up. A large rubber band had been stretched between the trunks of two trees. A box full of Frisbees and a big bag of marbles sat nearby, as well as a barrel of bubble soap, according to the labeling on it. A golf club had been planted into the snow behind and between the two trees, and at it stood my four fellow Crusaders.
“We didn’t hit you, did we?” asked Sweetie Belle, anxiously.
“No, but it was a near thing,” I said, more out of jest than anger. “Now, do you mind telling me what’s going on?”
“We’re skeet shootin’!” said Apple Bloom, proudly.
I blinked. Had I really heard right?
“...Skeet shooting?” I asked, blankly.
“Yep!” said Scootaloo. “We’re getting a head-start for the Equestria Games, if they’re doing a Junior Division this year! We’re gonna be…”
(Here we go again…)
“Cutie Mark Crusaders Skeet Shooters!”
The four voices in high-pitched unison shook the snow loose off a nearby tree, and some winter birds took flight.
“And this is why you needed all those things you mentioned at Pinkie’s party?” I asked. “Marbles, Frisbees, a golf club, and a rubber band?”
“Uh-huh!” said Sweetie Belle.
I didn’t even know where to begin with what was wrong with this scenario. On the one hand, they were just kids, and probably hadn’t understood about clay pigeons and all that. Besides, it was both adorable and kind of funny that they’d made their own spin on it with marbles and Frisbees. On the other hand, where would this end, since this was clearly not going to get them skeet shooting cutie marks? Part of me wanted to correct them, but the other part didn’t want to ruin it for them.
“But why the bubble soap?” I asked, moving to another topic. “What does that do for skeet shooting?”
“Oh, that’s not for skeet shooting,” said Scootaloo. “It’s for Dinky.”
She looked at her little sister, who held up a bubble wand with magic from her horn, and beamed adorably.
“I like blowing bubbles,” she said.
“Ohh, I see,” I said, smiling.
And then, the reality of what I was seeing hit me like a punch.
“Whoa, hang on! Dinky, are you using magic?”
“Uh-huh,” said Dinky, “but I’m still learning. I can only hold up little things, like my bubble wand.”
“And how about you, Sweetie Belle?”
“Err, I’m not too good at it yet,” Sweetie Belle admitted, blushing slightly. “But,” she added, brightly, “Twilight did say she’d be glad to teach Dinky and me!”
“Good!” I said.
“So, Dave, you wanna try for a skeet shooting cutie mark?” asked Apple Bloom, eagerly.
“As fun as that sounds, Apple Bloom,” I said, “I’m afraid I’m gonna have to pass. I’ve never been the best aim, to be honest.”
“Oh. Ok, then,” said Apple Bloom.
She didn’t sound disappointed, but I still felt a little ashamed.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been able to be there for a lot of your recent crusades,” I said, humbly. “I feel like I haven’t been a faithful Crusader.”
“Don’t worry about it,” said Scootaloo, with a smile. “You’ve been really busy lately. We understand.”
“And besides,” said Dinky, “maybe you’ll get your cutie mark in what you’re busy with!”
“Yeah!” said Sweetie Belle. “You could be a-”
(Again?...)
“Cutie Mark Crusader Councilstallion!”
The birds that had come back since the first fright were awing again, and didn’t look happy about it.
“Heh, yeah, maybe so,” I said. “Well, have fun, girls.”
“Bye!”
Their big, adorable smiles followed me as I walked past them, but I hadn’t gone quite out of earshot before I heard another cry of ‘Pull!’, and the crack of another marble on another Frisbee.
(How long can Ponyville stand until those four find their cutie marks? Long enough, I hope.)
***
The rest of the day would have passed without anything of remark, if not for one thing that happened. In the middle of the afternoon, there came a knock at the door. Opening it up, I beheld Derpy, still wearing the muffin scarf I’d had made for her. There was a book under her foreleg.
“Hi, Dave!”
“Hey, Derpy. What’s up?”
“I’ve got a message from Twilight,” she said. “If you and Moonlight are finished with The Stone of Light, you can swap it for the next one here. It’s the most recently published as of now. I was in the area, so I offered to bring it over.”
She handed me the book, and I looked at the cover. It depicted Daring Do and Dowser looking up (grimly determined in Daring’s case, apprehensive for Dowser) at what looked like a winged serpent (thankfully with its mouth closed), a silver amulet set with a yellow stone between them, and Ahuizotl lurking in the bottom. The title read ‘Daring Do and the Amulet of Atonement’.
“Wow,” I breathed. “I can’t wait to read this one with Moonlight. Here, let me grab the other one.”
I fetched the book, and we only just made the swap, when Derpy’s muzzle scrunched up.
“You ok, Derpy?”
And then, before either of us could stop it, she suddenly sneezed. As best as she tried to cover it up, I still felt flecks of wet hit me as I cringed. She gasped, looking shocked.
“Oh, gosh! Dave, I am so sorry! My hooves were full, and I was flying, and I just couldn’t-”
“Relax, Derpy, it’s ok,” I said, holding a hand up to quell her torrent of apologies. “It was an accident.”
“Ohhh, but if you get sick because of me…” Derpy fretted.
“It’s ok,” I said, firmly. “Don’t worry about it. I won’t blame you.”
I put a hand to her shoulder in a comforting way. She still looked unhappy, but she nodded all the same.
“Thanks, Dave, but I’m still sorry. If you do get sick, and there’s anything I can do...Maybe I should just go, before I sneeze on you again. Bye.”
And with that, she flew off, the book I’d given her clutched in her hooves.
“If she keeps saying she’s sorry like that,” I mused, “she’ll give Fluttershy a run for her bits.”
Saturday, January 23
***
*Aaaaa-choo!*
The next morning, I don’t think I would have woken up if not for that sneeze. My head felt like it was full of lead, my eyes heavy and aching, my throat sore, my nose clogged, and my skin cold. I could barely see, and my heart felt like it was going at a rate of 100 mph.
It looked like Derpy had had reason to worry after all.
“Ugggggh,” was the first thing I could utter, truly the most profoundly loquacious noise ever heard. Not.
It was torture to rise, but today was Sunday. I couldn’t keep Minister Ironmane waiting when he came. Besides, a little tea might do me some good. So, even though my legs felt like jelly, and my head swam, I made the best of my way to the kitchen to brew some tea. One thing consoled me, though: there was no piano practice this Sunday, so I wouldn’t be letting Lyra and Bon Bon down by not showing up.
The tea really did seem to make me feel a little better; my throat pain started ebbing away, and my nose felt a little less clogged, but I still felt weak and stuffy. I felt like I hadn’t been sitting very long before there was a knock at the door. I winced. It sounded too loud for me. Getting unsteadily to my feet, I hobbled over, threw on my coat, and opened the door. There, sure enough, was Minister Ironmane. He looked a little surprised to see me in such a condition as I was in.
“Good borning, Binister,” I said, through my stuffed nose.
“Good morning, David. Are you feeling all right? You look a little under the weather.”
“I thig I cawd a code, Binister,” I confessed. “I’m nod feelig too well.”
“That’s a pity,” he said, not unkindly. “You have my wishes for a swift recovery, David.”
“Thag you.”
“Especially so, in light of some news I have for you.”
“Dews, Binister?”
“Yes. As the Brimstone Lounge is nearing completion, I’ve come to extend an invitation to you to its grand opening. After all, you are partly responsible for its coming about.”
“Oh? Dat’s gread! When’s obenig day?”
“The builders predict that the Lounge will be ready in about a week,” said Ironmane. “So, if you’re well enough by then, we would appreciate your coming along. The Lounge is situated at what might be considered the midway point between pony and dragon boundaries, and it’s quite a distance.”
That made sense, I suppose.
“I’ll do by best to be well by den, Binister,” I said, as earnestly as I could muster.
“Very well, then,” said Ironmane. “I should also point out that those attending are allowed to bring guests, so you may want to think of a ‘+1’ to bring along.”
“A plud one? All ride, I can do that.”
“Good. Here, then, are your weekly dues, and that is all for now. Get better soon, David, and good day.”
“Thags, and good day,” I said, my bag of dues feeling much heavier in my weak arms than usual.
In his usual stiff fashion, Ironmane took his leave, and I went back inside, closing the door behind me. If I had been in a less miserable state of mind, I would have noted that Ironmane was actually sympathetic with my illness, and probably would have been much less so when he’d first known me, and still believed me to be connected with those… In any case, I had other things to think about, like getting better by next week, and what would happen to my diet plans and piano practice if I was so weak I could barely walk. As for someone to bring to the Lounge’s grand opening, I was sure Pinkie would love to come. I’d just have to ask her the next chance I had.
In the midst of these thoughts, there was another knock at the door. Had Ironmane forgotten something? Setting my dues aside and hobbling back over, I opened the door to find Sparkler on the doorstep, wearing a set of saddlebags
“Sparkler? Whad are you doig here?”
“Making sure Mom wasn’t just fretting over nothing,” said Sparkler, “but it looks like it wasn’t nothing. Excuse me.”
She stepped inside, and I wobbled out of the way. Shutting the door behind her, she looked me over, tutting as she took in my appearance.
“You look dreadful,” she said, bluntly.
“Thags,” I said, dryly. “Now, why are you here?”
“Mom was freaking out over sneezing on you yesterday, so I had to calm her down by promising I’d help you get better if you got sick. Well, you are sick, and here I am. Now, go lie down.”
“Bud-”
“Dave. Go. Lie. Down.”
A chill ran down my spine. Sparkler’s voice, rather than getting higher in anger, became very soft, but in a deadly sort of way. There was also a very un-Sparkler-ish glint in her eyes, something that made them go from soft and gentle to harsh and frightening. Something told me I’d better not make her repeat herself, or something bad would happen.
Hastily, I made my way back to my bedroom and fell back into bed. Sparkler joined me at my bedside, but her face had relaxed into its usual kindly look, and she even brushed my hair back lightly as she placed a hoof to my forehead. She shook her head.
“You’re burning up. Mom’s in a similar way to you. Looks like you both caught a bug going around, but don’t worry. I’m going to help you both get over it.”
“Sparkler,” I muttered, “you don’t have to...You mud be biddy already…”
“It’s no trouble,” said Sparkler, softly. “You’re practically family, Dave, and I’m going to help you. Now, I’ll drop by to check on you every now and then, but in the meantime, I want you to take this every four hours. And don’t worry, it’s safe for you. I know a doctor, and he gave it his approval.”
She pulled a brown bottle and a medicine cup out of her saddlebags, and from the former into the latter, she poured out a measure of sickly-red liquid. The smell alone almost made me gag.
“Now, open up,” she said, in a slightly firmer voice.
Not wishing to incur her anger, I obeyed, but I coughed and spluttered as I swallowed. The stuff was disgusting. As if she hadn’t noticed, she placed both bottle and cup on my bedside table.
“Every four hours,” she said, “and you’re not to get up from that bed until I’m satisfied with your progress. I’ll drop by later to make you some soup. Now, get some rest, all right?”
She patted my shoulder in a friendly way, that sweet, sisterly smile on her face, and I nodded. Satisfied, she trotted out of my room, and as my heavy eyes began to close, I heard the door close.
Sunday, January 24
***
The week I spent in bed was one of the most miserable of my life. I had nowhere to go, and had nothing but coughing, sneezing, sniffling, and bad-tasting medicine to keep me company.
Well, technically, that wasn’t completely accurate. True to her word, Sparkler came by to check on me, make sure I was comfortable, make me soup and other foods best suited for a cold, and see to it that I kept up on my medicine. She was only as stern as a concerned parent or older sibling, but I was careful not to give her any reason to get truly irritated. Otherwise, she was patient, sympathetic, and caring. Dinky and Scootaloo were lucky to have such a wonderful sister.
As the week went on, I gradually began to recover. My sore throat and headache vanished, my nose became much less stuffy, and I could move about the house under my own power. Sparkler still wouldn’t let me leave the house or overexert myself, however, so I was still confined to the limits of my own domicile. In that week, nothing of note truely happened, except for one extremely peculiar thing on Friday.
It started while I was still in bed, just waking up. I heard a knocking at my window, and when I looked up, it was to see Pinkie lifting it open and poking her head in. Don’t even ask me how she managed to do that from the outside. I was becoming less and less surprised by her antics these days.
“Hi, Davie!”
“Hi, Pinkie.”
“I heard you weren’t feeling too well,” she said, sympathetically. “How are you now?”
“Much better than before, thanks,” I said.
Pinkie smiled kindly. Seeing her there suddenly reminded me of what Ironmane had said.
“Oh! Pinkie, I wanted to ask you something.”
“Hmm?”
“Minister Ironmane said that the Brimstone Lounge is going to be having its grand opening soon. How’d you like to be my +1 on that day?”
Pinkie looked surprised at first, then her face split into a wide smile.
“The grand opening of the Brimstone Lounge? That’s as good as a party! You bet I’ll-”
She stopped suddenly, and her face fell.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Ohh, I just remembered,” she said, in a fretful voice. “The Cakes got invited, too! I’m their go-to babysitter! If I was gone, and they were gone, who’d look after the twins? A restaurant full of dragons is no place for little foals! I can’t do both at once!”
I’d never seen Pinkie this agitated before. She was biting her lip and scratching her scalp so hard that she’d soon have her mane rubbed clean off if she didn’t stop.
“Errrr, I’ll get back to you, Davie!” she said, quickly. “Hope you’re better soon!”
And before I could say anything else, she pulled her head back through the window, shut it behind her, and was gone. For some minutes, I just lay there, staring at where she’d been, perplexed at her behavior and abrupt departure. However, that wasn’t the weird bit. That came later in the day.
***
Sparkler wasn’t around, and I was in the kitchen, just taking my afternoon dose of medicine, when I heard a strange noise coming from outside. It sounded like a large crowd was stampeding its way towards the house, through the snow. Curious, I shuffled to the window and wiped at it to look out.
What I saw made my jaw drop.
It was Pinkie. But it wasn’t just Pinkie. At least two dozen identical Pinkie Pies were hopping past, giggling and squealing ‘Fun! Fun!’ over and over again!
I blinked, took off my glasses, wiped them on my pajamas, then put them on again. I couldn’t have just seen that! It was impossible!
“FUN!”
“YAUGHH!”
I stumbled backwards, knocking over my chair as I collapsed against it. One of the Pinkies had pressed her face right up to the window, scaring me half to death! In the next second, it had gone, and the multitude of Pinkies had moved along. I just sat there, dumbfounded, heart thudding like mad. Then, I picked up my bottle of medicine and looked it over.
“What the heck do they put in this stuff?” I muttered. “I don’t remember hallucinations being a side effect of taking it.”
Friday, February 1