Epilogue 3- Discord vs Real Estate
"Discord dear," Fluttershy says, as her husband attempts to sneak into bed well past their bedtimes. "This is the third time this week you've tried to sneak in at all hours of the morning. I don't want to think it, but you haven't been... haven't been..."
"What?!? No! Never! Don't even think such a thing dearest. I've just been indulging in a new hobby is all. A completely legal and above the board hobby. A completely unfunny, non- chaotic, sensible hobby." Discord says, laying it on as thick as he dared.
"A hobby? Wait, a non-chaotic hobby?" Fluttershy sits up in bed and cuts on the lamp. "You? Okay mister, time to come clean. What have you been up to?"
"Well, if you simply MUST know. I've been dabbling in real estate." Discord says, climbing into bed beside his wife.
"Real estate? But... but that's so... ordinary. It's like the opposite of chaos. I really can't imagine it would be something that you would be into. Whatever gave you that idea?"
"Well the other day I was talking with Chrysalis's friend from the human world. You know, the one that calls himself Dan? Oh, I like him sweetie. He's just a raging little ball of chaos. He's just so angry about every little thing from his old world. Well, I was listening to him rant about the nation he lived in and everything that was wrong with it, and believe me, it was quite a lot. But then he told me about something called the national debt."
"A national debt?" You mean the entire nation owed somepony something?" Fluttershy asks surprised.
"Well, not just one pony, er, person. See apparently the government seems to spend more money than it makes for some reason. So what they do is just borrow money from other countries. But since they keep spending more than they make, they have to keep borrowing more and more. The current national debt is $19,105,360,000,000.00 in their version of bits."
"Oh my gosh, that's more bits than every pony in Equestria has," Fluttershy says in astonishment.
"I know right? A very chaotic amount of money. "Discord says mischievously.
"Discord. What did you do?" Fluttershy says, narrowing her eyes.
"Well... I may have done a little fact checking. It seems that the land value of their entire country minus the islands, and that one bit hanging off of Canada is only worth $22,980,000,000,000.00 . And if you subtract the state known as California which is worth $3.9 trillion, you have roughly the same amount as their national debt."
"California. Isn't that where Dan used to live?" His wife asks, beginning to see where this was all headed.
"Exactly my dear!" Discord says with a smile. " So what I did was to take a little trip and buy up all of the various I.O.U.'s that America owed all the various places it had borrowed money from."
"I thought the money tree in the back yard was looking a little bare, and the currency a little different." Fluttershy said thoughtfully.
"All in the fertilizer my dear. You'd be amazed. Well, anyway after I bought up all of the debt. I just went to see the president, and I called them all due."
"You met the leader of a foreign country on another planet? What was he like?"
"Nice guy. Nice guy. Gave me a copy of something called 'Healthcare Reform'. It went down great with a little hollandaise sauce. We shot hoops out behind his house afterwords. He plays a mean game of horse, let me tell you."
"That sounds like fun. So what happened with the debt?" She asked.
"Oh that. Well he knew I had him dead to rights, so he had no choice but to give me the deed to the continental United States. Minus California of course. Congratulations my dear, we now own America."
"America. Hmm, nice name, but could we call it Amareica instead?" Fluttershy says getting into the spirit of things.
"Well, I was thinking of calling it 'Hairless Ape Happy Fun Land', or maybe 'Irving', but whatever you think is best dear.
"Hmm. 'Happy Fun Land' is kind of nice, but it sounds more like a Pinkie Pie name. But honey, are you sure that we want the responsibility of ruling an alien nation on another world?"
"Wouldn't be the first time dearest. But actually I was thinking we would play around with it for six more months. I was planning to give it to Dan for his Birthday. After all he's had to say about the place, I really think it would make him happy."
"Oh, I see." Fluttershy said, somewhat dejectedly. "I suppose he would make a better ruler, since he's a native and all."
"Oh now Flutters, don't be like that. Tell you what, let's play with the place until his birthday, if you end up really liking it, then I'll buy you the one next door. Trust me, Canada is much more to your liking. Lots of forest, plenty of animals, and everyone is just so polite."
"Well, that DOES sound like my kind of place. But do you think the ruler would sell it to you?"
Discord snaps his claw and a white stuffed animal appears in it. "Oh I think he'd be willing to trade..."