~Where do you want to go?~
“For fucks sake just put me in front of a fucking train!”
~What do you want bring with you?~
“I don’t care.”
My first instinct was to jump, but I froze for just a second, and I swear the train sped up. They wanted to hit me. I guess, in a way, I jumped just in time. The train only grazed me. Probably the only reason i survived at all. That was the moment it became a failed suicide. And nothing says failure quite like failed suicide.
Let me tell you there is no lower moment in life than when you fail to cause your own death. Every fucking fiber of my being burned with pain, and I still wasn’t fucking dead. And there I was in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do but just lay there and bleed while I thought about what I’d done.
I don’t know how long I had lain there like that. The pain was starting to fade, along with my vision. But my hearing must have still been okay, because I could hear the buzzy, chittering voices around me.
“Is it still alive?”
“It’s twitching!”
“We should put it out of it’s misery. I mean, we can’t just leave it here like this.”
“No,” that last voice seemed to carry more weight, there was something… sad and broken there that I could relate to, “We’re not monsters. That is why we ran. I may only be a brood queen, but I still have magic. I can’t mend his broken body, but perhaps I can give him a new one.”
“Do you have enough energy?”
“What if he’s too weak to even survive the transformation?”
“Then I guess we ended up putting him out of his misery after all,” a new voice, judging me with it’s unspeakable pinkness raked across my brain, “Who knew?”
“Stand back, my little changelings,” the sad voice commanded, “I will end his suffering, one way if not the next!”
That would have been a really good time to lose consciousness. I mean a REALLY good time. Getting hit by the train was honestly less painful. Or possibly equally painful, but it was all at once, at least. It was all just one big BOOM, everything is broken, just sit back and let the shock lull you to sleep.
This was the reverse of that only slower. broken bones and ruptured organs twisting back into place and form. But not the same place. Or Form. I screamed until I cried, and then I cried until I pissed myself, and then I just laid there in liquid shame and cried some more.
“Is it alive?”
“He’s still twitching.”
“It’s a he!”
“What is your name?” I felt something hard and soft at the same time prod me gently.
“I am no one,” I didn’t even bother to open my eyes.
“No pony is nopony,” the hard/soft thing stroked my own strangely hard/soft back, “Even the lowest drone is somepony.”
And I opened my eyes. And I saw my hole-pocked legs. And I saw my greenish-black shell. And I saw my Hooves. And I laughed. And Laughter washed over it all. All the pain, all the shock, and the screaming, all the crying, all the liquid shame. Okay, not the liquid shame. That left a stain.
“I am Nopony,” and for the first time in my life I knew who I was.