“Tell me again Kevin, why are we going through this way again?” Bilal asked as we turned the corner for the neighborhood park.
“Because the fatass wants me to pay for his bus ticket,” I replied.
Technically, the main reason was because I had no change to deposit into the fare, as my wallet only had bills. Bilal only had one ticket to get back, while Sam refused to provide change if I gave him the full bill. We were not going to let him play that card on us again. Our money was going to be harder to steal than that by now.
Aside from that, it was technically closer this way. We would be cutting right through what would have been an extra portion of the road by travelling through the neighbourhood. It was also saving fuel and money. That was good, was it?
“Hey, it’s called wise investment,” Sam explained, “Because if I invest right now, I won’t have to pay anything off later on!”
“You’re an asshole, you know that?” Bilal shot back, “Something is happening to your friend and the first thing you think about is capitalizing on it!”
“Hey, chill the hell out dude,” Sam held his hands up, “You know how I say this shit, but I don’t mean it by the end of the day, right?”
“You sure as hell didn’t mean it when you were with those girls the other day, or in trying to pay back what you already owe,” Bilal countered.
“Alright guys, I think I’m not that famous yet,” I stated, managing to get them to cease their bickering, “So if you ladies can break it off, that would be great.”
It should have come to no surprise to me, to be completely honest. Sam seemed to have some perverse enjoyment in starting inflammatory arguments with Bilal- more precisely so in railing him with the frequent accusations over committing terrorism under the premise of being religious, with me hitched as the middle ground the majority of the time. We were bound to be attacked by fundamentalists one day if we kept this up, even if it was mostly on Sam's part.
Then again, his poor credit record with the girls were bound to get the hate wave headed his way, regardless of the religious bigotry.
“You should be worried about yourself,” Bilal said, “Because I think your hair is actually getting longer.”
“Say Kevin, can I tell you something?”
“Shut up, Sam!” he obstructed in disapproval.
I ran a hand through my hair again, confirming Bilal’s notification. I retrieved the phone for the selfie camera to check. Through the fuzzy and overexposed image sensor I made out the overall image of my hair- it was about a foot long now, with the colours being completely replaced with the dual tone that started appearing just this morning. The sight surprised me, to say the least, given the rapid course of growth it had experienced through the morning, yet had not been unexpected to the whole degree. I set the thought aside.
Shoving the phone back into my pocket, I turned to Sam, “You were saying?”
“Yeah,” he picked up, “How about I make the deal easier for you?”
“No, I’m a man of my word,” I mumbled, not really paying attention above all matters, “The deal is a deal. End of story…”
“But what about lady? Are you a lady of your word?“
“You see, this is why it’s so easy to troll you,” Bilal rolled his eyes.
“Let’s just see what the hormones can do,” I sighed in response to Sam, “I’ll argue with you later.”
It seemed to have worked- the two stopped their act as we passed through the local Elementary school park, across towards the other half of the neighbourhood. The sight reminded me of a few friends calling it the ‘concentration camp’ over the overly strict management in the teachers with the students. My sister didn’t seem to complain much about the school, but she was easily satisfied either way.
Further northbound from the field was a path to the valley, or towards the rest of the neighbourhood if we were going the other way in case. It was definitely less glorious than the apartments and single houses on the other side, with some of them appearing to be close to falling apart, or fenced in within the wooden signs offering some irrelevant relationship between houses and profit.
A couple of small industries also set up shop in the area too- they were cornered in by the two lane railroads that ran directly above the passenger lanes. If anything, the land was probably cheaper there, or just unsuitable for real estate. There already was a housing pandemic of too many houses being built here in Canada, no need to clog up more potentially useful land with vacant houses.
The first suite next to the townhouses just across the road from the run down block had a parking lot leading to a hole in the fence barricading the path to the raised railroad, being erected just past the sound dampening walls. It was torn in just the corner, concealed from direct sight from the parking lot under most days.
I gestured towards the low cut hole, directing them in the way that was intended to be followed. There was no rain recently, so chances of the side depression turning into a swamp were unlikely so. Cleaning out your shoes with a toothbrush is not fun, to say the least.
The realisation hit me like a crash test dummy. Something was compressed between the belt of my pants when I bent down to pass through the hole, forcing a strained yelp out from me over the acuteness of the pain. It was like an extension from my spine was just out there being pressed.
“What happened?” Sam ran over with Bilal just behind, “Are you alright? Do you still know who I am?”
“I-I’m fine,” I reassured, ignoring that last statement, reaching towards the rear end of my pants, “Ugh, give me a second. There’s something in my…”
Feeling around in the back of my pants, I gave confirmation that there was definitely something there, in the sense that it shouldn’t be there in the first place. As it was going to be painful and awkward to directly pull out the appendage like that, I was forced to undo my belt before proceeding on in retrieving the hairy appendage from the fabric prison.
I eyed at the appendage with a stupid look as I held it in my hand, with the two friends seeming to have backed up a little bit in shock at the sight. I would have shared their feelings, except for the fact that I was the one being affected. The thing had the same colour scheme as hair, and while its hairs were silky and the two colours were neatly partitioned from each other, the sensation of it still disturbed me. Humans didn’t have tails, and the fact of just having one rendered me unable to form a proper reaction. Part of me was freaking out, yet the majority won over, leaving me with complete indifference as my brain failed to properly process at the input given.
And by not caring, it helped me relax, even when the thought and fact of a first class contingency was all too real. Sometimes, it was a good thing when your brain farts like that- it saves a lot of energy and trouble.
“Well, this is just going to ruin my day…” I mumbled to no one in particular, tucking the thing back into my pants and refastening the belt, “Come on, let’s go.”
The two looked at me, dumbfounded as they processed the world back into their heads. They’re probably thinking the whole idea on how I just shrugged it off like nothing.
“Are you guys good from here?”
“Uhh…”
“Just cut across that unfenced parking lot towards the road,” I instructed, pointing towards the north end of the lot, “You should know where to go from there. I’ll see you at the front door.”
“Hey, wait! Where are you going-“
“Don’t worry about me! I’ll see you there.”
There was only the grunt and sigh of disapproval as the two started off after me, only to stop and to head their own way once they realised the course I was headed for. I knew that they cared as friends, but they also knew that I was a grown man like them in the capability of making self-decisions. They didn’t need to follow me towards every single gap I was headed in, especially if they were going to put themselves in needless danger over something I could handle myself. I’ll let their questions come at me later over my sudden course of actions, as it was not something that I wanted to deal with at the moment.
My brain was still operating on a mind of its own given the new information processed. With the two taking to the rendezvous with the scenic route as I went across the railroad bridge running over the highway westwards for a shorter trip. That was the fourth time within 24 hours that such an event took place. It was almost turning into an unhealthy fetish for a frequency that often.
Luckily, there were no trains to sneak up from behind me or ahead of me this time as I scaled the length from directly down the middle of both tracks in record time, ignoring the occasional wary honk from the drivers down below on the highway. One of them were bound to call 911 sooner or later reporting a guy trying to commit suicide, but I wasn’t planning to stay until that happens.
Quickly descending from the tracks once more and onto the nearby trail leading into some trees. I followed it towards the outside of Elias’s condo, a short black fence obscuring the most scenic route towards the lobby not too far ahead. At least when the coast appeared clear, I quickly leaped over the fence, hoping not to be seen. My tail was upon the most prominent opponent, protesting sharply at the maneuver as it was compressed within the confines of my pants.
I didn’t like that new part of me, even when if it was only there for just a few minutes. The thing was quite literally a pain in the ass, being a constant annoyance in what would be otherwise been a fairly normal maneuver. Most importantly, it wasn’t even welcome there in the first place, in just deciding to appear on my body like that. It would probably be more comfortable to keep it out of my pants, but doing it out in the open seemed to be a blatantly sub stellar idea with the attention factor alone. The hair alone was already disturbing enough as it is, with more than a few strange looks already being exchanged on the way as I was crossing my neighbourhood.
On the bright side, no one seemed to have noticed the little intrusion caused by the following dumbass. The feel of the adrenaline rush was made better when your mind disregards the potential danger you’ve just been through, given that you realised how sometimes knowing that you broke the rules was easily one of the best feelings you can have in life. The moments were rare, yet the sensation easily lasts a longer than you would expect.
The brick red condo was just across a short climb of stairs and the small roundabout. I waited in the lobby for my friends to catch up, eventually arriving several minutes later.
I had the code provided by Elias already punched in as they got through the door, holding it open for the two as we hurriedly got into the lobby for that elevator waiting at the first floor. The landlady caught us on several occasions already by using the code to enter, and her tantrums were upon the last thing we would want to deal with during a Saturday contingency.
No one said a word as I withdrew the tail from my pants after we got into the elevator. I definitely didn’t want the thing to be a part of me right now, but at the moment I had few choices. It was more comfortable to keep it outside of the fabric prison, considering the fact that it was practically an extended portion of the spine being compressed by the waistband. I’d say it’s better to keep it out when no strangers were around.
I sensed their confusion, the looks giving it right away, “Look, I know you guys are probably wondering why I didn't freak, because the thing is, that would be pointless. Complaining doesn’t help accomplish anything.”
The two gave me a look. They were still not convinced over my course of actions, and may quite possibly think that I was going insane. I wouldn’t be surprised- the random growth of limbs that didn’t belong to you would be more than enough to cause some sort of panic. But this occurrence did solidify that confirmation that last night was not a yiff.
“What, is trying to not care and let live that weird given these circumstances?”
“Well then, what is worth worrying about, then?” Bilal interjected at my statement, finally finding the composure.
“For starters, let’s hope the landlady didn’t see us this time,” I pointed, deciding to change the topic completely in the immediately practical sense, “Or anything that would be relevant immediately.”
“So true…” Sam affirmed, glancing down at his clock, “But it’s almost 1 in the afternoon, so she’s getting high right now or something.”
“And not even that is worth caring about,” Bilal reiterated from my earlier statement.
“Exactly!”
“Yeah, as long as she’s high or something, it lowers the chances of her whining like she’s on her period or something, for all I care.”
The lift arrived at the seventeenth floor not long after our bickering ceased, with the suite being just a quick turn from the left of the elevator. I knocked the chestnut door gingerly as I waited for an answer, but the forefront of my mind told me that I was just happy in how my friends didn’t question my integrity with the tail.
“Do you think he’s even home?” Bilal questioned.
“He SHOULD be…” I trailed off, “I mean, if he wasn’t, he would have told us in text. Besides, he said he wasn’t going on the family trip thing.”
“True,” he returned, “Did you check your messages?”
I almost slapped myself at that, how could I have forgotten? Bringing up the screen revealed that he had already sent a message over already:
>where do u want to meet up?
>already here
The reply came back within a minute.
>give me a sec
“Alright, he said he’s going to be out in a minute…”
Sam crouched down for the mail slot in the door, “Come on Mr. Elias! If you seek your pizza, tear down this door!”
“Damnit Sam!”
I had to laugh at that. It was one of the moments of political parody that was worth a chuckle or two, considering the usual mood of crude sex jokes around Sam.
“HEY! KEEP IT DOWN OUT THERE!” oh shit, we just woke him up again…
“Damnit guys, did you just wake him up again?!” came Elias’s voice from behind the door.
“Um… yes?” I replied, “We have food, too.”
“Really?” he exasperated, “You guys didn’t need to. But still, goddamnit Sam!”
“Why me?” Sam asked with faux innocence.
“Because you live,” Elias returned through the door. I could tell that he was looking through the peephole, “So it really did happen to you too, Kevin.”
Before any of us could notice it, the door was open, with Elias half hidden behind the door as he looked at us. At least I think it was him- His hair was almost like a wig, dominated with long strands of gold and yellow from the usual mottled brown we were all used to seeing in the past. Despite not being the smartest kid on the block, I was still able to confirm that it was still him. I doubted that he was trying to troll us- those schemes were just quickies being done at a convenient time. Anything else meant that you were trying too hard.
The both of us eyed each other awkwardly, a second that seemed to have lasted hours. We were not interested in initiating a Mexican standoff in the hallway of a condo, considering that we just aggravated the old man over our commotion. Getting right to the point seems like a good idea.
"Can we come in?"
He didn't say a word, opening up the door all the way to grant us the passage we needed. I assumed that it was more of an order rather than a request, with me taking the lead in hurrying through the open door into the condo unit. I settled my bag down beside the door with my hat perched on top, taking vague notice of Elias eyeing at my new features.
The door clicked shut, with the deadbolt and chain lock being applied as Sam and Bilal entered. The strange reassurance of safety followed suit with the door secure, knowing how it was only a small group of close friends occupying the suite. One of the few times where the lack of parents actually made me feel safer than I would if they were actually here. Given the situation and speculations at hand, they were more than certainly going to spark a panicked fit over the remains of their kid being turned into some mutant. That was probably the last thing I needed in a contingency like this right now.
Surprisingly, Elias let the pressure off this time, with the most unexpected lines for his situation, "Wow, looks like I'm not alone here. That takes off a giant weight on my chest," he chuckled, “You can probably guess why I didn’t go to pizza with you guys.”
I tried to come up with a witty remark to comeback to that, yet I was unable to do so as I reflected the same set of feelings. I pulled up a chair to settle down near the dining room table, looking around awkwardly at the others and the room.
"You can just settle the food down on the table again," Elias said, gestured for the living room, "We'll dig in on that later."
Silence soon followed after we were done our preset tasks, with all eyes on Elias. I would be thinking about some conspiracy theory, but my brain was still thinking about last night. I was going to assume that he had the same situation for the moment being.
"Your parents aren't home, right?" I asked abruptly, taking a quick glance around the unit, “I know they’re probably away, but still…”
"Of course not, they're off on some trip with my little sis and bro," he confirmed, "You would know if they were home or not by just standing in the hallway."
"Right, right... but for how long?"
"Like really late," he reassured, "They probably won't be back until like twelve at midnight."
"That's good. You don't mind me staying here for a few hours, right?" I know what he was going to say, yet I still needed that additional false sense of security.
"Don't mention it," he sighed, "I'd probably do the same thing if I were you given the uneasiness."
"So you're not mad at the random intrusion?"
"Like I said, don't mention it."
That brought me some newfound relief. I would still have to face the issue later, but at least for the time being, I had a few hours to think it over. Because given the events, we needed a lot of time to think (or just to forget about it), mainly for the uncertainty part of being the pony thing. It was expected, but conflicting. For the plus side, at least Elias was keeping his head calm for the moment being. That saves us a lot of trouble in many a factor to mention.
"So it’s been happening to you too, huh?” I asked, unsure on what to say, just trying to break the silence.
Our host eyed at me for that statement, looking at my hair, and then back behind me, inspecting the tail that I let out of my pants. He then gave me the eyeball before telling me his final verdict, “Most probably in my assumption. Also, I hope you like anime-coloured eyes.”
The following caused me to pause, and made me beeline towards the bathroom where I could get a good look at myself in the mirror. True to his statement, my eyes had been re-coloured to his simile comparison of anime from the usual shade of brown. I took further notice of the hair on my head growing down my neck. If it wasn’t for the two factors, I’d probably have taken Bilal’s word for the anime girl transformation.
Our host was in the doorway waiting by the time I was ready to leave the bathroom. I returned the eyeball to him, identifying that the same event has happened to him as well.
“Is there something on my face?” he asked with the hint of a smirk.
“Yes there is,” I replied confidently, “I hope you like yellow eyes with your hair.”
His smirk disappeared almost immediately, with him moving me aside to get a look at himself in the mirror. His look then returned to me, this time with the more serious intent look to it as he followed me back to the living room.
“Karma, you bitch…”
“Actually, I think I have an idea on what’s going on,” I interjected, “No, it’s not karma this time.”
“Well, thank the heavens,” Elias responded dryly, “But if you have an idea, go ahead.”
“Kevin thinks that he’s turning into a pony,” Sam interjected abruptly, earning the glare of disapproval from Elias, “A Friendship is Magic pony to be precise.”
“Shut up Sam,” Elias returned to Sam, “No one needed to know that you were a horse fucker as well!”
I decided to defend his point this time, considering that he was actually right. “I actually did say that this time.”
“Really now?” he asked with skepticism, “You’re a brony too?”
“Not precisely, and that idea is frequently being dismissed as spaghetti monsters, right Bilal?”
“What he said.”
“Yeah… I really don’t know…” I chuckled nervously, feeling rather uncomfortable at mentioning ponies around my friends and proceeding to go into stupid mode, “I really shouldn’t have mentioned that. But in case you were wondering, it’s the type of stuff that the scientific community regards as stupid.”
“I see…” he said, looking unimpressed.
“And don’t even mention how I know of the show,” I snapped abruptly, “It’s an ugly story.” I facepalmed at that statement, finding an alternative to cover up the inconvenient hole I created, “Just… I don’t even know...”
“How about mutagens?” Sam suggested, “You know, the type of shit that changes DNA to cause cancer or other grotesque deformities.”
“Wonderful suggestion to the discussion, Doctor Sam-“
“Shut the fuck up Sam, you’re that far away from being a doctor,” Elias railed at Sam from being reminded of his doctor antics, gesturing with a finger towards Antarctica on the wall world map, “The only thing you’ll grow up to be is a registered sex offender.”
“Exactly, you piece of shit!” Bilal filled in.
“Come on guys, really?” I sighed, trying to defuse the outburst, “I mean, we have more serious issues on hand, why vent everything on Sam?”
“Because what he said was completely bullshit,” Elias returned quickly, “Mutations do happen, but ever so rarely do they happen to be so coincidentally organized in such a matter.”
“But what he said was scientifically possible in a miniscule chance,” I asserted.
“Yeah, but it’s from Sam the future rapist, so there goes the credibility factor…”
“Yeah, but you didn’t even hear out my side yet!”
“But you’re not Sam,” Elias said, “Besides, I think I might know what you’re going to say already.”
“Go ahead then,” I responded, somewhat surprised.
“Okay then,” he said, sucking in a breath, “Did you have a dream about this?”
I stopped at this mention, “Yes, I did. Did you?”
He nodded, “She told me that she was Lightning Dust, and we had a quick exchange before passing on the deal about switching places with her.”
“Same thing with the social experiment too?” I asked, although I knew what he was going to say.
“Yes.”
It was my turn to be exasperated, “Why the hell didn’t you just say so?”
“You know me, just starting shit with Sam,” he grinned. I sighed at that, should have known…
“You dreamed about this?” Sam asked with a chuckle, “Damn guys, turning all spiritual in one night!”
“Yeah, only because your wet dreams think so,” Elias returned quickly.
“I kind of agree with Sam this time,” I interjected, “He’s probably thinking that we’ve been taken over by the animal gods or something, which wouldn’t be surprising for a normal person…”
Elias went slant eyed at me from that phrase, “You didn’t just call Sam that, did you?”
“What?” I replied.
“Normal.”
I put on my straight face at that.
“True.”
“Quick question, did El just say ‘she’?” Bilal asked, “And wasn’t that thing you were telling me about a girl, Kevin?”
I shot a quick glance at Elias, noticing that he went slightly pale at the mention. That’s just him though, realising some critical things after the key times. I tried to ignore it and return to my friend’s question.
“Yes”
“Aren’t you worried about that?”
I sighed, “What did I tell you about worrying a few minutes ago?”
His mixed face appeared again, “I’m so sorry, master.”
“Don’t be.”
“Hey Kevin?” Elias pitched in again, seemingly regaining his stature.
“Yeah?”
“Since we’re all convinced that we are going through the same thing and how you mentioned its relation to My Little Pony, why don’t we watch the show to tune in?”
While I was relieved that we didn’t break his sanity fuse, it was still a rather large departure from just him in general; He just wasn’t the type of person that randomly takes things for granted, much less throwing around relations to a kid’s cartoon. But then to be honest, this whole situation was a pretty large departure from what we faced before, so some exceptions should be warranted, and this was far from the worst possibilities.
“How would that help the situation?” I questioned, “It’s still a cartoon for the most part, don’t you think that the ‘real’ thing would play out differently?”
“You still convinced me enough at this rate for me to dive right into the shit hole.”
“Oh shit, looks like El wants to go on a marathon today!”
“No,” I said quickly, before Elias could do his part, “I’m going to assume that you only want to watch the episodes that are related to us?” It was strange mentioning that. I never considered something that absurd to be related to me…
“Fine by me.”
I shrugged at the comment, not really seeing any other really meaningful alternative to that. There were worse alternatives, right? We couldn’t be doing the worst things in the world just by watching a kids show after a rather strange chain of events…
…
We started off focusing on Lightning Dust first, watching ‘Wonderbolts Academy’ off the shelf. The premise was simple enough, with Dash entering the Wonderbolts Academy for training, running into an equally competitive foil of herself, Lightning Dust. They become quick friends, where they get into trouble during their competition against one another, culminating with Dust getting expelled for the twister that nearly killed Rainbow’s friends.
“It’s pretty predictable isn’t it?” I asked.
“It’s not horrible,” Bilal stated, “A colourful cartoon with a simple premise, because it is a kid’s show at the end of the day, regardless of how you slice it.”
“I’ve definitely seen worse,” Elias agreed, “But I guess I can see the reason why grown men like the show. Also funny how she wasn’t like that around me.”
“People change,” I replied simply, catching onto the fact that he was probably referring to the sequence last night, “Besides, maybe this whole thing was different either way.”
“I don’t know about you, but you’d make a perfect candidate for her,” Sam stated, “You did everything listed, even the almost killing people part.”
“That only applies when you’re around,” Elias returned, “Because god forbid when you go out of line.”
“No, what?” he turned back with a half confused look, “I was talking about that time with the raccoon.”
“Since they liked that raccoon so much, they could go and fuck it in the tush for all I care,” Elias replied, “But you’re right. That was a close call.”
“Animal activism at its finest…” I added.
“Yeah, and I was only trying to get that thing away from us,” Elias chuckled.
“Looks like I missed a lot.”
“Exactly you did-”
“Say Kevin, does your character ever play in a role for the show?” Elias questioned this time.
“She’s a background character, if I remember correctly,” I shrugged, “Other than some minor background appearances there’s nothing significant about her other than her just being there.”
“Damnit Kevin,” Elias said with disappointment, “For a second there I thought you were going to be Caitlyn Jenner or something.”
“I’m not a hero.”
“She does play a role,” Sam corrected, “Watch ‘Amending Fences’.”
I gave Sam the best ‘Are you kidding me’ face I could muster at that. In sense, I was curious about this character in mentioning, as background characters get little mention apart from the main cast of the show.
“And it looks like that I was brought into relativity once more,” I replied, “I guess that would be the next episode we would watch then?”
As I got no objections to the proposal, I loaded up the episode that Sam was talking about in particular. While it was focused mostly on Twilight, Minuette got the larger chunk of the cake when it came to the speaking roles amongst the other background characters. Otherwise, most of the episode was drama in trying to get an old friend back and making amends.
“She does seem pretty happy when I met her,” I noted, “But if I tried to do that, people would probably think I’m gay or something really traumatic happened.”
“Chin up Kevin, you’re not that different,” Elias said as if it was the answer was that obvious, “I’d say you act happier than everyone else in our group. It’s just a guys-girls type of a thing in external actions.”
“I seriously thought that one of the girls would make a better candidate in terms of energy.”
“Yes, but they doesn’t have the innocence factor,” Elias stated, leading me to give him a look, “Remember that time when Kristy sucked that guy’s dick at the party like a few months ago?”
I nodded, my mind flashing back to that memory again. It was one of those house parties that went over the top; the two were dead drunk, and after some confusing ramblings, they began at it. Their relationship after that party quickly turned awkward, and we never saw them talk with each other again.
“I actually can’t imagine you doing any form of debauchery,” Elias continued, implying towards me, “Do you even watch porn?”
“That I do,” I responded honestly, “Usually just with naked people in it.”
“That’s it?”
“Sometimes bondage, but nothing too weird.”
“Into latex, I see…” he questioned with a smug look.
“It doesn’t have to be latex,” I sunk quietly.
Sam cocked an eyebrow, “At least you watch porn. Do you fap to it?”
I sighed at the comment, “Wouldn’t that be self explanatory?”
“Yeah, says the guy who watches the kid’s show for little girls,” Sam teased, "Nothing is self explanatory with you."
“But you’re the guy shoving porn up our noses with that asshole!” I exasperated, but quickly calming down, “Though I agree with you here. I can’t believe we’re actually watching a kid’s show for little girls…”
“Only to dial in on your weed filled theory that the whole deal was about the show,” Elias pointed out.
“Evidence and rational thought has never made more sense by ending up at a kid’s cartoon,” I responded simply.
“Sure thing, Minuette,” he said, sticking out his tongue teasingly.
“I sure as hell hope you didn’t mean that.”
Sam chimed in this time, “Hey Kev?”
“What?”
“Seeing that this would all go ahead, how would you keep score of that deal we just agreed to?”
“What’s this whole ‘deal’ thing I hear about?” Elias tuned in, “What drugs are you bartering this time?”
“Basically, whoever gets themselves off to their fetishes first loses and has to concede to the demands,” Bilal explained.
Elias returned a straight look before bursting out in laughter.
“Goddamnit Kevin, that’s just too good!” he returned hysterically, “You and Sam, in a nutting contest? That’s literally the best thing I’ve heard all day.”
I felt myself heat up and blush at the mention, yet I still managed to force a smile at that. Luckily Sam took over for me.
“So how are we going to keep score?”
“Transparency,” Elias returned after calming down, “Because we don’t live in a psychotic dictatorship.”
“What if I lied about it?” Sam returned.
“Then we’re going to do some re-education with you.”
“What’s that?” Bilal asked, clueless about our terminology again.
“It means that we’re going to deny him our financial support and probably do some ‘rehab’ once an appropriate situation comes up,” I explained.
“Honestly something we should have done a long time ago,” Elias added.
“Agreed.”
“Hey, I’m right here you know-“
“Shut the fuck up, you air hogging slab of meat,” Elias snapped, “I can say whatever the hell I want when I’m talking about parasitic tapeworms.”
“Well, that escalated quickly,” I stated.
“Indeed,” Bilal added, “It was also completely irrelevant to what we were talking about a few seconds ago.”
"Not like that our conversations ever made sense before," I pointed out matter of factly.
“But in all honesty, if you guys can’t find a way to keep score, I could just call the other guys to arrange for a game of soggy biscuit,” Elias suggested.
“What the hell is that?” Bilal asked.
“It’s when guys jack off onto a biscuit and whoever finishes last has to eat it,” I explained.
My friend visually cringed at that, “Okay then.”
“Hear that, Sam?” I nudged at him, “We’re going to have a round of Soggy Biscuit. Same deals apply for losers and winners.”
“Yo, fuck you guys,” Sam exasperated, “Always making the game harder for your own bullshitery.”
“Yeah, because it’s going to be way harder for Sam to win given how his balls are always empty from his fetish porn marathons,” Elias stated.
I didn’t know if I should laugh at that, given how true it probably was in the first place.
“Woah.” Bilal looked on, surprised at the escalation again.
“I know, right?” I filled.
“What were we talking about in the first place again?”
“Who cares man, it was totally crap either way,” I suggested, “You know what, let’s just forget about this for now, and negotiate later.”
“Fine,” said Elias, looking somewhat disappointed at the prospect of the game being cancelled, “What do you want to do?”
“Let’s play tanks or something,” I suggested, going to my laptop again.
"Why tanks?" Bilal questioned with annoyance.
"What, do you want to do math homework or something?" Elias pointed towards a stray math textbook on the floor, "It's got plenty of problems that needs solving, if you want to do that!"
"Actually, forget what I just said."
…
“Damnit Kevin, not again!” Elias cursed as he faced me from his computer screen. I looked up to meet his gaze with a chuckle.
Elias was calling for help, as the enemy Batchat made a pickett's charge for him. As the M103 driver, he was always in trouble in such the situation, mostly in the issue of weak side armour. I was slow in arriving, driving the Patton a distance across the map. I missed the full speed ram as he finished off Elias, causing me to overshoot the cliff and plummet to an explosive stop at the bottom. It was another fine day and example of myself as a dumbass in action...
Most importantly, it was the ultimate proof that no matter how dire the circumstances are, there’s always time to stop, pick up the computer and start to blow up some pixel tanks, or just to browse cancerous internet memes. What was going on around us was outright impossible in scientific terms, but that wasn’t a problem, as long as we had a computer at hand. Perhaps it was the perfect way to kill your focus and to help you calm down, in hindsight.
Sam looked over my shoulder, “Damn son, da fuck?”
“Don’t mind me, I’m just being myself...”
“That’s the good ol’ Kevin I know,” Sam gave a playful pat on my head, which I quickly steered away from, “Don’t you ever change.”
“Who said I was?” I replied curtly, “And please don't-”
The ringing of my phone brought me back to reality from my dissection of the game field. I brought out my phone, the caller ID causing me to shrink away inside my skin. It was from my parents, no doubt looking for me. The thing is, I didn’t have a proper plan for such the scenario, even with the extra time to decide on some course of action. I was still unsure on how the events would unfold for the next critical hours to come, even though I was convinced that this would all resolve out somehow. It left me staring unsure at the phone on what specific action to take, focusing intermediately between the screen's caller ID and the pizza boxes thrown on the floor. I still hesitantly answered it.
“Hello?”
“Where are you at?” it was my mom again, asking in that trademark voice of half concern and confidence, “Do you need your dad to pick you up?”
“No thanks, I’m at a friend’s,” I responded truthfully, “I’ll come home myself later.”
“Alright, just don’t come home too late!” I hung up at that.
“Who was that?”
“My parents.”
“You going now?”
“I don’t know.”
“What do you mean, you don’t know?” Elias piped up, “You mean that you don’t know what would happen if you went home?”
I nodded.
“I swear to god Kevin, you’re stubborn in all the wrong places…” he sighed, taking my computer and placing it away on the table nearby, “You’re not worried about yourself, yet you are all worried about your parents kicking you out for no good reason!”
“I can’t rule out the possibility,” I stated calmly, trying to maintain a cool look, “Nothing seems too far fetched at this rate.”
“They’re your parents, for Christ sake!” he snapped, “At the end of the day, they’re all you have when the world out there is unbearable. Don’t ever forget that.”
I gave him a look, unprepared for the sudden outburst. He shared the thought, knowing that he needed to push the hook further. I felt indifference, but still embraced it.
“Look, remember that murder thing that happened some time ago?” I nodded, “Good,” he continued, “Because that was the perfect example of who parents are. Even when their kid killed someone, he came to them for help when he was injured. His parents helped him get medical aid and escape, keeping quiet on the whole thing. Even when he was caught and the police questioned them, they weren’t persecuted for their actions, just because it was the instinctual action to take.”
“I know all of that,” I said, “It’s a gut and instinctual feeling against all you know.”
“Look, in the case that you do get kicked out, you can always stay here.” I lit up slightly at that statement.
“I thought your parents were against having people over due to space issues?”
“Exactly, and that’s how certain I am that your parents won’t kick you out,” he asserted, “Look, this isn’t a difficult choice, and you should stop trying to make it difficult. Avoiding the problem won’t solve it, and this isn’t going to be a difficult one.”
He was right. Regardless of how I could comprehend it, the end outcome was always that they were still my parents. The ones who unconditionally brought me into this world and paid the full price for it in bringing me to age. The only ones that told me at an early age that they were the only ones I could count on. Yet I still felt uneasy even with that overwhelming reassurance. I wanted to see the result, but I was trapped inbetween the result and actually trying to progress towards it. Deadlocked.
“No use fussing about this I guess,” I said more to myself that to anyone else, “Some form of closure is always the nice thing to do.”
“You’re incorrigible,” he sighed, “It won’t happen. It’s against nature’s instinct.”
“Of course.”
“Umm,” Bilal stammered off, “Kevin, if you want to do what Elias suggests, I strongly suggest you to act quickly.”
“Huh? Why?”
“Your ears.”
I felt at the side of my head towards this mention, not feeling anything. Well, I felt something, but it wasn’t what I expected. Instead of my ears, I felt a fine patch, something which I would presume to be fur. I think I already knew what was going on at this rate, locating what was presumed to be my ear, feeling like a soft, leather-like wedge of skin and muscle, with the ever trace amount of fur. Evidence together, the same probably happened to my other ear without a doubt, and that Elias probably had the same thing happen to him, too. Something told me that I should be freaking out once again, yet I was simply too desensitized to care anymore. The tail event had already proven the point.
“Jesus,” I mumbled, “This day just gets better and better, doesn’t it?”
“At this rate, I wouldn’t be surprised if you grew a horn and I just sprout wings,” Elias added with his intaken knowledge from the past few hours, “Because if we actually are turning into full ponies, I’d say we should let your parents know while they can still recognize you physically. Things will get a lot more difficult if you show up as a unicorn gal claiming to be their son.”
Regardless of my stance on not caring, the following still made me shudder in my skin, “I definitely can’t deny that possibility.” I pack up the computer back into my bag again, “I’m going to go now. Thanks for everything.” I stopped briefly and looked back, "Damn. Looks like I'm turning just like the guys from those shitty television dramas."
Elias completely ignored my previous statement as I got the bag ready once more, “I’ll go with you.”
It wasn’t long before Elias came back in his hoodie and jeans, with a ski mask forced over his head, covering most of his head, if not for the few strands of gold sticking out the corners. I was definitely impressed at his antics, managing to fit a ski mask over the head of hair that I had trouble with a summer cap. We’d normally be dying of laughter for doing something that dumb given a less stressful situation. He tossed up another one of his hoodies to me.
“You guys don’t need to come along,” I lied a moment too late, not wanting to drag my friends into this mess, “I think I could handle it myself at this rate.”
“Well, it’s too late for that now,” he said, buckling up his belt and shifting it into a more comfortable position, “I’m going to go with you considering I already have everything ready, and we share the same boat,” he pointed at the hoodie, “You should put that on. Give the suspicious area some cover, you know?”
“Right.”
“We’ll come with you, too.”
Elias glanced at Sam and Bilal, “You guys don’t need to come. We’re the ones in trouble, not you guys.”
“Exactly,” Bilal said, “We should just go to make sure that nothing bad happens.”
“Look, you guys don’t need to hitch yourself into trouble for something not related to your part,” Elias countered, giving them a look, “It’s not like that we’re drunk or anything. I won’t complain to you guys about this if I do get into shit.”
“You don’t have to be such a hardass El,” Sam asserted rationally, “It won’t sting if we just come along to make sure that no thugs would get out of hand.”
“Fine,” he sighed, admitting defeat, “Just follow me when I leave, alright? We don’t need to wake up the asshat again like earlier…”
“Of course.”
We followed the two into the elevator again, descending past the ground floor and into the parking garages. Luck was with us this time, given how we didn’t run into anyone on our way into the garage and our timely departure through one of the fire exits out to the back. I didn’t know how much longer our luck would hold out with the given course of events, but I didn’t care anymore. Logic has already thrown itself into the graveyard too deep for a recovery at this rate. I can only just try to hold the pieces right now.