Meeting the Parents

by Weavers of Dreams


The Meeting

It was like being hit in the face with a sandwich. A sandwich that had swatted her and an entire army of hungry changelings out to the badlands. A homerun for those pansy ponies. Seriously, there had been two strikes, she had defeated Celestia in less than a minute, and captured the Elements of Harmony before they could do anything against them. But, then they hit the ball on what should have been the third and final strike, smacking the ball right out of the park.

Curse you baseball and your situationally appropriate metaphor. She hated baseball. More now than ever.

"Oooh, curse you all," Chrysalis spat as she staggered to her hooves and raised her hoof in the direction of Canterlot. Made easy with the trench her body had cut into the ground upon impact. Praise the Maker for hardened exoskeletons. No! Nix that. What did He ever do for her? Not make her ruler of Equestria, darn it, that's what.

"I shall have my revenge, you hear me?" she shrieked as she hurried to see to the wellbeing of her soldiers. All of whom had seemed to land nearby. Huh? What were the odds?

There was much moaning and complaining as they got up and brushed the muck and whatnot off of themselves. What's muck and whatnot you ask? Muck is what changelings excreted through damaged cracks in their exoskeletons to repair the damage. And whatnot was what it was called when it seemed to flow out of every pore and orifice during moments of sheer terror.

Needless to say, they were all a mess. A sticky, dirty mess. This would never be spoken of again.

"Rally to me, my children," Chrysalis called out as she moved from one to the other, urging them to their hooves. "We must regroup and come up with a counteroffensive. Who knows how many soldiers they'll send after us. We must long gone before they arrive."

There was a halfhearted groan of agreement and all they all began shuffle, if not imitate a cornucopia of slugs, over to her. Even in her delusional state she found it quite pathetic and disheartening. They all stood before her and promptly dropped upon their rumps, staring at about with either a mixed bag of emotions or disillusioned apathy. This was quite serious.

They needed a speech to motivate them. She opened her mouth and began.

"Aaaaaaaauuueeeaaunoooowwwhhhyyyyyyyeeeeeeee!"

Chrysalis promptly snapped her mouth shut and looked down at her muzzle in shocked confusion, as did her army. There were even some snickers from those in the back. One or two outright laughing. Then the real source of the noise showed up in a lumpy ball that dropped right atop of Chrysalis.

"Ouch," Chrysalis moaned as she extracted herself from under the foreign object.

It was another changeling. A fat, chubby one, clutching a comic book in one hoof and an inhaler in the other, which he was depleting fast. His eyes were wide with terror and he was practically jiggling with horrified shakes. His current condition did nothing to gain sympathy from his commander.

"Polly Pill," she yelled at him with a hiss, baring her teeth viciously at him. "Were you even trying?"

The chubby changeling chittered in fear and attempted to take another puff from his inhaler. Finding it empty he scrambled his hooves in search of his spare. Chrysalis sighed wearily and assisted him, lifting it from the ground where it had landed and shoving it unceremoniously into his mouth.

"Yes, I was," he stammered after sucking deeply on it. "I'll have you know that I was doing something very important."

Then the strap on his battered saddlebags came undone and its contents spilled onto the rocky ground in their shiny packages.

"You call this trying?" Chrysalis shrieked as she gestured in disbelief to the comic books and trading cards that were spread everywhere. "Looting a hobby shop?"

"Er... yes?" Polly said with a nervous grin.

"I don't think so Chrissy," said another changeling, holding out a coinpurse and managing to extract a single golden bit from it. "I'd say he purchased them legit?"

"At least tell me you stole the money for them," she pleaded as she watched her small army swarming the comic books and trading cards.

"Ooh, Power Ponies 114."

"Really? Didn't that like just came out?"

"Yeah, here's the receipt even."

"Hey. You found a pearlescent shiny mudkick? I'll trade you three metallic charmanes for it."

"Awe, com'on, Pills. Didn't you at least pick up some fig neightons and juice boxes?"

"Yeah, what good are comic and cards without snacks?"

Polly rolled his eyes and gestured towards the other saddlebag. Then he looked back at Chrysalis and flinched. "What? I've been saving up for months to go to the Canterlot Comic Con."

"So you just used us as a means of transport?" the tall changeling shouted, stomping her hooves upon the ground in a dance of rage.

To their credit, the other changelings were swift to remove the comic and trading cards from her sight and from under her hooves. They all sat together in a large cluster, sipping on apple juice(grape juice and comics were never allowed mix) and munching gooey cookies while reading the latest adventures and sorting the other collectables.

"No... yes... sort of?" he said with a nervous grin as he backed up a couple of steps away from her.

"Ugh. Don't you know that we're supposed to be the bad guys?"

That turned some heads. Only because the rest were tuning everything else out.

"What? Since when?"

"That's right, you told us we were liberating our changeling brethren from the oppressive hooves of the tyrannical diarchy."

"You wanted to be the bad guy? How emo can you get?"

"Really, Chrissy? Really? That's like... just sad."

"Well, she told me we were gonna have a pizza party... guess I didn't hear the first halfway."

Chrissy sat down with a thump and massaged her temples wearily. "We are the good guys, you dolts. But we have to act like the bad guys in order to overcome the evil that is the ponies. Don't you see? It was the best plan possible."

The response was not what she expected.

"The hell have you been reading?"

"That's the stupidest things I've ever heard."

"Please tell me you're joking."

"I did not join to be a criminal."

"That's like an emo and a goth had an abortion and named it bob because they thought it sounded edgy."

"Do we still get to have the pizza party?"

"No, we're afraid that that's been canceled."

"Awe nuts."

"Wait who said that?"

All eyes suddenly turned to the direction of the new voice. Those that were still engrossed in Polly Pill's purchases were promptly smacked on the back of the head and pointed in the direction of the newcomers. Silence reigned for a few moments.

Two unicorns, a gray mare with a purple and white mane, and a blue stallion with a dark blue mane, stood there, their narrowed eyes focused solely upon Chrysalis. Heavy-laden saddlebags hung by their sides, and deep frowns were etched beneath their dark scowls. The air seemed to grow extremely cold.

"What is the meaning of this?" Chrysalis demanded, trying to take charge of the situation. She strode to the couple at full height, looking down upon them with a glare that could wither roses. "Who are you two?"

Her intimidation technique just glanced off the two unicorns. It was the mare who spoke first.

"You wouldn't know us of course," she said as she used her magic to unhitch the buckle of her saddlebags. They hit the ground with a heavy "THUD", making Chrysalis and several of the changelings jump. "Our son always came up with plausible excuses for why you couldn't come to dinner. Or... was that you speaking through him?"

"Oh, you must be the parents, Twilight Velvet, and Night Light," Chrysalis chuckled, trying to keep the high ground. "Tell, me... how does it feel to know your children were so easily subdued? No, wait, there's no need to tell me... I already know."

"I doubt that," Night Light Snorted. "You're trying your best not to sense what we're feeling at this moment. Otherwise, you would be hightailing it out of here. Not that it'd do you any good."

Chrysalis rolled her eyes and chuckled. "Oh, please, don't put up such a façade."

"Hypocrite," Polly muttered under his breath as he joined the cluster of other changelings, collecting his stuff.

"A façade you say?" Velvet asked, baring her teeth in a fashion that would make the most hardened dragon quake in fear. "You raped the mind of our son."

"Treated our daughter like trash," Night Light put in, undoing the buckles on the saddlebags in a slow, methodical manner.

"Kidnapped the mare who would be our daughter-in-law."

"Threw her in a cave, alone, without any food or water."

"Manipulated our son into rejecting his own sister."

"Along with her friends and her own mentor."

"Then you threw her into the caves with Cadance and tormented her."

"And then you proceeded to try and take over Canterlot. A lot of ponies were hurt."

The other changelings were beginning to give them a wide birth, speaking in hushed tones and huddling close together

"And that leaves one final question," Velvet said as she took a firm step forward, lighting up her horn. "Were you, at any time, intimate with our son?"

The response was almost deafening.

"Eeeeeewww," the other changelings screeched in unison.

"Ah, Chrissy, please, tell us you didn't."

"Ugh... seriously, he was supposed to get married."

"W-why?"

"You're sick Chris, sick-sick-sick."

Chrysalis stomped the ground with a hoof, cracking the stones in fury. "Shuuutt uuuuupp." She huffed a bit and took a couple deep breaths. "No! I did no such thing. I'm not that desperate." She suddenly found herself regretting those last few words.

Velvet did give any indication of being offended, but the tension was there. She turned around and gave her husband a nod. "Good. Since there is no possibility of children, we can proceed."

Night Light began rummaging through the saddlebags, which had ominous sounds emanating from it. Chrysalis suddenly found her mouth going dry and her legs involuntarily shook. But she refused to back down.

"What can you two do?" she asked in as confident and arrogant a voice as she could muster. "There's only two of you. Against my army of over two hundred changelings, you're no match. Bwahahahaaaa..."

"Bogus, I'm out."

Chrysalis almost coughed up a lung after choking on her own evil laugh. And she had practiced so hard too. She spun her head around to see one of her army take flight and begin slowly buzzing off in the direction towards Canterlot. "Where do you think you're going?"

He stopped and looked back at her, his expression said it all. "Seriously? I'm going to turn myself in. That way I can expect some leniency and a bed to sleep in."

"But we're not even finished yet," she pleaded. "We just need to rally and form a new plan. We can do this. As long as we can work together, the Children of Chrysalis shall prevail against all."

The changeling groaned and looked to the sky for patience. "See? It's creepy stuff like that, calling us your children... seriously? I mean, when we were winning, it was... fine, heat of the moment and such... but... it's just creepy. Okay? Stop it. So long, Chrysalis, see you on the flipside."

"Fine we don't need you," she shouted after him. Another changeling passed her and followed him. "Or you." Another. "Or you. Or you. Oh, com'on. This isn't fair."

Leaving behind a trail of cookie crumbs and slurping loudly on their juice boxes, the changeling army filed away on their way back to Canterlot. Chrysalis suddenly began feeling an awkward sense of helplessness as the two unicorns began laying out their horrific instruments. "What just happened?"

"It would appear your 'army' decided that your 'cause' wasn't worth the effort," Night Light said as he delicately laid down a winch.

Chrysalis suppressed the growing desire to flee and attempted once more assert her dominance over the two ponies. "You foolish little ponies. Do you know who you are speaking to? I am Queen Chrysalis, defeater of Princess Celestia and the Elements of Harmony. If not for one little fluke, I would have been ruling all of Equestria. all of you under my hoof, I need no army at my back. I can start all over again. Who are you to think I should be afraid?"

Night Light stopped what he was doing and turned his cold eyes up to meet hers, his face like stone. "Who am I? Who am I?"

Velvet let out a chuckle took over her husband's work as he made his speech.

"I'll tell you who I am. I am the stallion whose family you directly targeted. My son is the youngest Captain of the Royal Guard in Equestrian History, who can cast a shield over an entire city for weeks at a time, and is now a prince. My daughter is the prized student of Princess Celestia herself, who defends Equestria from certain destruction on a regular basis. My grandson is a dragon who can wade through lava, and bite through diamonds like they were candy. My daughter-in-law is an alicorn, the princess of love, one of the highest ranking authorities in all the land. And every single one of them calls me sir."

He flashed her a wicked grin. "That's who I am, and I'm going to make sure that you never forget it either."

Chrysalis found herself frozen fear all of a sudden. Her joints locked up and her eyes were the size of dinner plates as realization began to dawn on her. Shining Armor and Twilight Sparkle were incredibly powerful, but, not until just now, did she stop to consider how much of that power had been inherited from their parents. This family was insane.

"Bravo dear," Velvet said as she selected some very particular items for the assortment they had spread out. "But, don't get too carried away with speeches. There's work to be done." She stopped, however, when she felt something tapping her leg. Looking down she found herself staring a most adorable sight.

A little changeling filly, or nymph, was staring up at her with big sparkling eyes. She even had an over-sized green bow attached to her headfin and the end of her tail, that, coupled with the little Princess Woona plushie she clutched to her side, was almost enough to give somepony a heart attack. The tiny little pirate hat and wooden sword were what pushed it over the edge. "Are ya gonna give her a spankin' cause she's been a bad buggy? My brother says she's a bad buggy now... though I think he said she was the good buggy before. I jus' thought she wa' stupid."

After a little uncontrollable d'aaahing, Velvet turned a an even deeper scowl upon Chrysalis. "You were using child soldiers?"

"Uh, actually, that one's mine."

All eyes turned to see the first changeling that had left now hovering over and scooping up the little nymph into his legs and depositing her onto his back. "Sorry, thought I had her. I'll be going now."

"You brought your sister to an invasion, Gossamer?" Chrysalis managed shout after his retreating form. "And you called me stupid."

"Screw you, Chrissy," Gossamer called back. "You try and say no when she gives you those puppydog eyes."

"Well, I guess we can check that one off of your list of offenses," Velvet said as she pulled out a scroll and quill and made a few marks. Twilight had to have gotten the habit from somewhere. "Now that there are no children present... or witnesses. Let's begin. Night Light, be a dear and hold her still."

"I'd be delighted," the stallion said with a smile, swiftly enveloping the changeling in his magic.

Chrysalis was on the verge of panic. She had already used too much energy during the invasion, just defeating Celestia had taken a lot out of her, but being thrown across Equestria and into the badlands had really taken its toll on her. She was as helpless as newborn now. This was not going to be good, but there was no way she would give them the satisfaction.

Velvet began swinging about her first instrument experimentally.

"A fly swatter?" Chrysalis asked. "Oh, I get it. Because I'm a bug. How utterly insultinMOOKZAASTERVAZOIKSFUNKYTOWN..."

"My electric fly swatter," Velvet chuckled as she watched Chrysalis's body contort and dance. "Works wonders on wasps, hornets, horseflies, and vacuum salesponies that refuse to leave. Of course, Night Light upped the voltage so I could bring down a manticore if need be."

"Only the best for you, my sweet," Night Light said as he leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek, eliciting a fond sigh from his mare.

Chrysalis took a couple deep breaths and spat as the last of the convulsions dissipated. "You'll need more than that to phase me."

"But of course," Velvet chuckled patting her none-too-gently on the horn. "This just the warm up."

"Ha, as if there's anything you have that could make Queen Chrysalis... what are you going to do with all those corks?"

The screams were said to be heard all the way to Appleoosa.


Braeburn sat up in bed reading a few letters from friends and family in the light of the oil lantern on his nightstand. A habit he had developed over the years. It was a peaceful night at first, everything peaceful. Then, all of a sudden...

"Socket wrenches aren't supposed to be used like that."

"How is it bending this way?"

"Why are there four of you?"

"No-no-no, too far."

"I'm a little teapot, short and stout."

"3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058209749445923078164062862089986280348253421170679..."

"I can see eternity, and it's eating my soul."

"What are those things?"

"Can't we be reasonable about this?"

"I don't get it, but it's horrifying nonetheless."

"All I wanted was a puppy for Hearth's Warming."

"Crrreeeeed!"

"Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious."

"Nostirrupdamus never predicted this."

"No, please, what happened to Daring Do?"

"Stop it with the socks."

Then it was silent. But it was too late. Braeburn wasn't going to be able to fall asleep for weeks to come. Nor was anyone else in town.


Twilight Velvet and Night Light watched as Chrysalis curled up into the fetal position, suckling on her hoof, all the while rocking side-to-side. She was just a pathetic scrap of her former self now.

"Can you think of anything else?" Night Light asked as he began picking up the tools and other odds and ends scattered about.

Velvet shrugged and let out a satisfied sigh. "Not really. I suppose, we should just drag her back to Canterlot now and let the courts judge her from here."

Chrysalis only let out the faintest whimper as she was lifted into the air by their combined magic, either resigned to her fate, or too far gone to even know what was happening anymore. Either way, the worst was still yet to come.

"Chrysalis, what have you done this time?"

Twilight Velvet and Night Light froze at the sound of the voice, Chrysalis, on the other hoof, snapped out of her stupor and began scrambling all four legs and buzzing her wings in an attempt to flee in the opposite direction of that terrifying voice. But it was all in vane. She was held too firm, and the monster was closing in all too fast.

The two unicorns soon found themselves witness to a most unusual sight. An older-looking female changeling wearing an frilly pink apron and brandishing a pizza paddle(Mama Mozzarella's Manehattan Delights) in a menacing manner, and a gargantuan brown earth pony stallion lumbering beside her with a very disappointed look on his face. Not knowing what else to do, they parted so that the changeling could pass between them, while the stallion stopped in front of them and sat down with a great rumbling.

They all watched with varying degrees of interest.

The changeling flew up and snagged Chrysalis's ear in her mouth and gave a tug, pulling her shrieking body from the magic aura and dragged her over to a large boulder. There, she promptly plopped down, bent Chrysalis over one knee and began wailing on her rump with the pizza paddle.

"You stupid little nymph," she shrieked loudly, overwhelming the anguished cries of the poor Chrysalis. "What time did I tell you to be home by?"

"E-e-eight," Chrysalis sobbed as the wooden paddle continued its assault on her posterior.

"That's right, young lady," the changeling shrieked as she applied more force behind each swing. "And that was three weeks ago. What did you think you were doing?"

Chrysalis tried to answer, but was cut off.

"Nothing, you weren't thinking at all. Your father and I have been worried sick about you, and then we get some news about you, that you've attacked Canterlot, assaulted Princess Celestia herself, and declared war. Now you've exposed every last one of us to the world, and made us look like a bunch of terrorists. And the ponies have every right to think that way after that stupid stunt you pulled. Now we're all going to have to turn ourselves over to the mercies of the courts and plead for the right to just keep on living our lives."

"I'm s-so-sor-ry, mommy," Chrysalis wept as her mother let up the assault and forced her to stand up straight while she dusted her off.

"And just look at you. You look like a monster. What's with all those holes? have you not been eating properly? Ugh, and what's that smell? When did you last take a bath? Your coming with me right this instant, so we can at least make you look presentable before turning over to Princess Celestia as a sign of good faith. I only hope she takes your age into consideration when passing judgement."

Night Light looked up at the stallion questioningly.

"Fifteen," he answered the unspoken question with a shrug. "She gets her size from me."

"Aren't you going to drop your disguise?" Velvet asked him with a curious look.

"What disguise?" he asked her, looking himself over. "I'm no changeling."

"Interesting," Velvet quipped as she turned back to the two changelings who appeared to be wrapping it up.

Chrysalis's mother had a death grip on her ear, and was pulling her along at a steady pace. "Com'on, Chrissy, no sense bothering these good ponies anymore with your presence. Let's just see what your brothers think as well. I'm sure they've got a few things to say about your intolerable behavior. You're just lucky we love you, else we'd have left you out here to rot by yourself."

"Yes mother," Chrysalis sniffed as she attempted to keep pace.

"Well, suppose I should be going too," the stallion said as he got stood and began lumbering after the two mare. "See ya around."

The two unicorns, now left alone, stood in silence until the three disappeared over a rise.

"Well, what do you know?" Velvet mused, stroking her chin thoughtfully. With that, she and her husband began their own trip back to Canterlot.