//------------------------------// // Chapter 21: Return to Ponyville // Story: Pessimism and Sarcasm // by Jerec the Ascendant //------------------------------// Pessimism and Sarcasm Chapter 21 Return to Ponyville Sunlight pours through the train window and into my tired eyes. I barely notice, though, as I think about all that has happened. Though we had all become accustomed to our suite in Canterlot, Princess Celestia thought it better for us to return to Ponyville. I don’t see how trading a private bedroom for a cramped library is an improvement, but who am I to argue with a pony princess... who's also my aunt. Shade wasn’t happy to leave - surprisingly, as she was so against going to Canterlot in the first place. We were walking to the train station when we noticed that the filly wasn’t with us, and so we backtracked to the castle and found her nuzzling her mother, soaking Luna’s coat in tears. Silhouette, on the other hoof, is excited to return. She wants to see Twilight and the others and show off her independent body. On the train, she sits next to me in her newly developed pony form. Her body is a light grey, while her mane is a darker grey with white and black streaks. Her cutie mark is a silhouette, of course, but it changes depending on her mood. I’ve seen it depict a singing bird when she was happy, and a growling wolf when she was mad. I try not to stare at her flank, but I can’t help but admire her creativity. She also seems to have trouble deciding on a single pony type. Sometimes she’ll grow wings to become a pegasus, other times she’ll have a horn, and she’ll even go as an alicorn - though that tends to draw more attention than desired. The train finally comes to a stop in Ponyville, and when we exit onto the platform we are greeted by Twilight and friends. Shade runs up to the Cutie Mark Crusaders and the four go off to hop around the station. The Mane Six glance awkwardly at Sil, and I realize Celestia must not have told them about what happened. Silhouette grins at everypony and puffs out her chest. “You guys, it’s me,” she says, full of pride. Jaws drop, and Pinkie Pie lets out a huge gasp. She jumps onto Sil and wraps her forelegs around her neck. “Silhouette, Silhouette!” “You’re independent now?” Twilight asks, a smile growing on her face. “Now we can go pranking together whenever we want!” Pinkie squeals, tightening her grip on Sil. “Totally, Pinkie!” she replies, hugging her back. I smile at the two, but then something occurs to me. If they didn’t know about me and Sil, then I’m sure Celestia didn’t tell them about our other piece of news either. Fluttershy notices me standing silently, now staring at my shoes. “Is something wrong, Jake?” she asks, drawing the others’ attention. Silhouette glances at me as I grow pale. She puts a hoof around me and says, “Oh, he’s just a little lonely now that we’re apart. You know - separation anxiety.” The others nod, and step closer. “Don’t you fret, my dear,” Rarity croons. “We’re here for you.” “That’s right,” Applejack says. “You’re never alone, sugar cube.” They continue to comfort me, and I try to smile, but my thoughts keep drifting to my future. All my plans dashed to pieces. I look around the train station and see my new life. New friends, new family, new job. “Come on, everypony,” Twilight says. “We can talk more at the library.” I’ll have to tell them eventually. They’re the only ones who could help me put the pieces of my future back in place. However, it's still a rather typical day in Ponyville. Ponies wandering about, doing their jobs and going on with their daily lives. I spot Lyra who seems rather down, at least until she sees me, and it almost looks like she's going to come talk to me, instead she looks to Bon Bon, who shakes her head and says something to her that freaks her out, and Bonbon stands smirking. She's planning something, obviously it has to do with Lyra and I. The implications can only be bad. Back at the library, the ponies sit around the little table, sharing details about our respective adventures. I lean against some books in the corner and watch them, listlessly. Rainbow Dash is surprisingly and excessively gushing over this musical they saw in Manehattan, when Silhouette looks over at me. She bites her lip. “Jake, maybe you should just tell them.” The others look at her, then at me. I sigh and step forward, trying to find the words. “Come on, Jake, just spill the beans!” Pinkie Pie says. She dashes to the kitchen and runs back with a big, open can of beans, placing it in my hands. I look down at it, then say, “Oh, what the heck.” The beans slop out of the can and onto the floor, much to Twilight’s dismay. Pinkie Pie looks deep into the pile of beans. “Oh. Those beans are sad,” she whispers. Twilight rolls her eyes and uses her magic to make the beans disappear. “Well, now that Pinkie Pie knows what’s going on, Jake,” Rarity says, “why don’t you share with the rest of us?” I take a deep breath, deciding to just get it over with. “Princess Celestia hasn’t found a way to send me back home.” I look at Sil, but her eyes are on the ground. “And she doesn’t think she’s going to find a way. So, I’m...stuck here.” Everypony is silent; I can’t even tell if they’re upset or relieved by my news. "Does this mean you'll start dating ponies?" Sweetie Belle asks from across the room. "Sweetie Belle, I’ve already stipulated my rules to your sister and Pinkie Pie, you can ask one of them," I shout back. --- I’m sitting on a park bench. Everypony is adjusting to the news, I suppose, giving me the chance to sit in peace. I tried earlier to distract myself from the truth by playing video games, but they couldn’t help. Watching the ponies around me isn't helping though, yet another reminder of being trapped here. I hear hoof steps and look in their direction. Lyra and BonBon are trotting in my direction. Lyra and I make eye contact, and she halts and turns her tail toward me. Bon Bon’s face contorts grotesquely as she glares at her friend. Then she glares at me. I turn my head in the opposite direction. But when I glance back, Bon Bon is sitting next to me on the bench, the same look on her face. I peek past her and see Lyra sitting in the middle of the street, her eyes full of tears and her mouth wide open. I look back at Bon Bon. "Okay, human,” she says. “I'm gonna make this quick. Lyra's got a huge crush on you and she isn't doing anything about it, so I've decided to force her hoof." She looks at me with a sly smirk. "I'm not liking where this is going." "Hey, I've tried everything else,” she groans. “I want her to come out of her shell, so I’m not going to ask you out for her.” I sigh in relief. “Instead, I thought I’d play the rival.” My mind goes blank. “At least then she’d stop telling me about her midnight fantasies." "Midnight what?" I repeat. "But I suppose it won’t make her take down her shrine to you." I feel the blood drain from my face. "So, tomorrow night,” Bon Bon orders. “At the fancy restaurant by the spa.” She stands up and sings, “See you at eight, and don't be late!" Then she’s inches from my face, her teeth clenched. "Or else!" ---- Everypony’s still at the library when I burst through the front door. I close the door just as quickly and press myself against it. Slowly, I check out the window to make sure I wasn’t followed. "Jake? What is it, darling?” Rarity asks, dropping a hoof file. “You act as though somepony's out to get you." "They are!" I reply, looking around for a good hiding place. I run over to the table and dive behind it. "Who's they?" Dash asks from above me. Applejack walks around the table. “What in tarnation has got you all worked up, Jake?” "Lyra and Bon Bon!” I say. “Lyra has this huge crush on me or something, and earlier Bon Bon-” "Lyra and Jakie sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” Pinkie Pie hops around us. I glare at her. Twilight clears her throat. “That’s all this is about? A simple crush?” Pinkie stops in front of her. “Oh, it’s more than just a crush,” she says. “I hear the two of them talking all the time at Sugarcube Corner. You should hear about Lyra’s dirty dreams!” I put my hands over my ears, but their voices still break through. “Oh, Rarity!” Pinkie gasps. “I should tell you about them so you can write them down in that notebook you have!” Rarity blushes and tries not to look at me. “Ahahaha, Pinkie Pie, darling. Whatever are you talking about?” “Come on, tell him about it!” Now everypony has their eyes on her. “There’s nothing to tell, really!” she says. “Just a little...romance novel I’m working on. There’s certainly nothing obscene in it, though, Pinkie!” Pinkie snorts in response, and I can tell I didn’t get the whole story. But I got the picture. I wish I knew where Twilight kept the bleach. “As I was saying,” I mutter, “Bon Bon just straight up threatened to do something awful to me if I don’t show up tomorrow!” “Show up to what?” Twilight asks. I look around at the confused ponies, and I sigh again before forcing myself to admit it. “To...a date.” I hang my head, defeated. Amidst the expected laughter is an unexpected gasp, and I look up to see Rainbow Dash, whose cyan fur has turned rather red around her face. “What is it, Rainbow?” Applejack asks. The pegasus looks away from us, then turns back with a crooked smile. She laughs strangely. “Oh, nothing! I was just...so surprised! About the date. With Bon Bon.” Rarity smirks at Rainbow. “Well, now, Miss Dash. There’s no hiding from us - or at least not from me.” Rarity looks around at all of us, but nopony seems to understand what’s happening. “Isn’t it obvious? Rainbow Dash has developed intimate feelings for Equestria’s only human!” I groan, though luckily quiet enough for nopony to hear. “What?!” Pinkie Pie cries, jumping in front of Rainbow and pushing her muzzle up to hers. “I didn’t know about this, Dashie! Why didn’t you tell me?” “I didn’t know either,” Fluttershy says. “I always thought you liked somepony in the Wonderbolts. I’m sorry for assuming.” Rainbow Dash’s smile skews even more. “Hey now, I never said-” “Oh, come now, Rainbow,” Rarity says. “This is clearly all a result of that false date I put you two on.” She lets out a squeal. “Who knew I was such a successful matchmaker pony?” “Now, wait a second!” I say. Who decided that Rainbow and I were a match?! Applejack comes around to my side and speaks up. “I sure wasn’t expecting this, neither. Honestly, I figured Twilight would have some feelings for Jake, considering he’s been living with her for so long now.” I groan again, and we all turn to Twilight, who’s twiddling her forehooves. “Well, it may be possible that I have...certain emotions…regarding Jacob,” she mumbles. Suddenly she turns bright red and summons a large book from the shelf behind me. “I’ll have to do some research on my symptoms before I come to any conclusions.” She turns her back on us and hides her face in the book. Why was I the one chosen to live all these brony dreams? Rarity turns to me. “Anyway, it seems that Bon Bon isn’t going to let you skip your date tomorrow. I shall start planning your outfit immediately!” As I’m facepalming, she squeals again. “Oh, this is all giving me wonderful ideas for a real romance novel! One stallion, four mares. Three are already interested in him, and how long will it take the fourth to follow suit?” She leans onto Fluttershy, putting a hoof to her forehead. “Which mare will get the stallion? And how long before his barriers break down and he succumbs to his soul mare?” "Instead of all that, can’t one of you think of a way out of all this?" I finally ask, my own cheeks blushing. “Please!” “Oh, I know a way!” Pinkie says, bouncing up between Rarity and Fluttershy. I sigh, but it seems like my best bet. “Okay, Pinkie. What’s your plan?” "Well, it involves this!" From her mane she pulls a huge cake, in perfect condition - not even a hair in the frosting. ”And this waterproof flashlight!” she continues, pulling a flashlight out of a hole in Twilight’s wall. “One of these days, you’re going to have to explain how you do these things, Pinkie Pie,” I whisper, in awe of her strange feats. “You may just find out today, Jake!” “What do you mean? What…” I look her in the eye, “...is your plan, exactly?” She grins and sings, “Haven’t you always wondered where I fit all the food I eat?” Suddenly Twilight drops her book and runs to me. “If you’re going, then I’m going with you! A scientific expedition inside a Pinkius Pieicus?! How can I pass that up?!” I see Rarity wink at Applejack. Twi sees it, too. “This is not a date,” she says, her forehead creasing. “It’s for science! Finally a chance to learn how Pinkie works!”