“Hey, Lodestar! Lodestar, wake up! Today we’re gonna head out and have some fun!”
Lodestar pulled her pillow over her head. “Don’t wanna.” After spending last night−the night of the Grand Galloping Gala itself−watching as the princess wandered silently through the palace’s deserted art gallery, she wanted nothing more than to sulk in peace. The only bright side was that now Radiance would finally let her quit if she wanted to.
“C’mon! It’s a beautiful day!” With a quick burst of magic, Sunspot opened the curtains of Lodestar’s bedroom. Sunlight streamed in, pushing Lodestar another reluctant step towards wakefulness. “When’s the last time you were even out during the day?”
“A week ago, as I’m sure you know. That’s when I started working at night and sleeping during the day. Well, trying to sleep during the day.” She shot a withering glare at Sunspot, to no effect.
“That’s right! You haven’t done anything fun for a whole week! You didn’t even do anything fun for your Gala. What kind of brother would I be if I let you get away with that? You’ll thank me later, trust me.”
Lodestar sat up in bed and forced a dignified expression onto her face. “I have an extremely important position with the princess herself and I’ll need to be at my best tonight. Going out when I should be resting is simply not an option.”
“Well, if you’re sure…” Sunspot shrugged. “That’s too bad. Morning Glory went to a lot of trouble to get me these tickets to Photo Finish’s post-Gala exhibition.”
“There you go, then.” Lodestar flopped back down on the mattress and pulled the blankets up to her neck. “You can go to the exhibition with her instead and enjoy having a serious relationship for once. I’ll get some rest, like a responsible pony.”
“That’s dedication. I admire that. I glanced through your Fluttershy magazine, by the way. Did you know Photo Finish is taking the exhibition on tour across Equestria? Apparently this is the only day it’ll be in Canterlot. That makes this your one chance to see it, right?”
Lodestar perked up. “The only day?”
“Yep!”
“Fine! You win!” Lodestar pulled herself out of bed. “I hate you so much.”
“Love you too, sis.”
Princess Luna was sprawled on top of her bed. Ostensibly she was reading a treatise on the Ponic Wars, but she hadn’t turned a page in at least half an hour. Lodestar stood silently off to the side, struggling to stay awake. She almost longed for a return to her first days on the job, back when Princess Luna’s silence had terrified her. Now it was simply normal, which meant there was nothing to keep her from falling asleep on her hooves. The worst part was that the exhibition had been worth it. Sunspot was unbearable when he was right.
“I have spent too much time in the palace of late,” said Princess Luna. “These walls grow confining. Let us go elsewhere.”
Lodestar looked up in surprise. By now she was used to Princess Luna’s habit of spitting out a complete thought after hours of silence, but she had never known the princess to propose anything more ambitious than a walk through the art gallery. Aside from a few meetings and lessons that Princess Celestia had arranged, Princess Luna had barely left her chambers. “Where would you like to go, Princess?” she asked.
“Alas, I do not know. What do normal ponies do on such occasions?”
Lodestar glanced at the clock. “At ten in the evening? Not much. Bars are the only places that would be open this late.”
“Very well. Let us go to one of these ‘bars’.”
“Are you certain, Princess? It’s rather unusual for somepony like you to go to a place like that.”
Princess Luna looked at her curiously. “Why? Is there something wrong with it?”
“Well, many ponies would consider it beneath your dignity.”
“Oh! So if I disguised myself and nopony were the wiser, all would be well, would it not?”
“I suppose so, Your Highness, but a princess such as yourself is rather… distinctive.”
“That will not be a problem,” said Princess Luna. Her horn shone faintly, and her wings and flanks dissolved into a cloud of dark blue mist. Lodestar leapt back as the mist coalesced into flesh once again. The princess was intact, but changed. There was no sign of her wings, and although her cutie mark still showed its crescent moon, the distinctive blotch around it was gone. “There. Am I not disguised?”
Part of Lodestar’s mind knew that diplomacy and tact were more important than ever when dealing with the unexpected. That part was shouted down by the part that had just seen the princess edit herself like an indecisive artist. “What—but—you just—what in Equestria was that?”
“Oh, that is but a minor transformation. My magic is capable of far more than that.”
“You mean you can just… turn into whatever you want to? Whenever you feel like it?” Lodestar failed to keep a hysterical edge from creeping into her voice, but if the princess noticed, she gave no sign.
“Essentially, yes.” The princess looked into a silver-framed mirror mounted near the doorway. “Hm. I am still recognizable, it seems.” She furrowed her brow in concentration, and her pale blue mane and tail took on a translucent cast. They darkened slightly and began wafting, as if in a gentle breeze. Finally, tiny pinpricks of light appeared deep within the princess’s mane, softly illuminating her ethereal hairstyle. She smiled faintly at her reflection. “Better.”
It took Lodestar half a minute to find her voice. “That’s… that’s beautiful. I had no idea…” She cleared her throat. “I can’t say I’m certain it’s a good disguise, though.”
“Obviously 'tis a good disguise. I have never worn my mane like this before. Now, let us be off. Knowst thou where to find one of these bars thou mentioned?”
Soon enough, Lodestar was sitting across from the princess at a table in the back of the Last Prance. It was a relatively quiet establishment, nothing at all like the raucous nightclubs Sunspot liked to drag her to. A small jazz band was playing across from the bar, and a few older couples were dancing. Most of the patrons were content to sit, drink, and talk.
Lodestar glanced around, wondering if it measured up to Princess Luna’s standards. “What do you think, Your Highness?”
Princess Luna looked at her curiously. “Why dost thou call me that? I thought thou wished to hide my identity.”
“Oh! You’re right! I didn’t even think of that. My apologies, pri–uh, my apologies.”
The princess levitated the menu so that she could read it. “What is this treatise?”
“That’s the menu. Ah, it explains what they serve here.”
The princess fell silent as she began to read. Lodestar silently hoped it would take her less than an hour as she struggled to keep her eyelids from drooping.
A pale orange unicorn with a wineglass cutie mark approached them. “What can I get for you ladies?”
“I’ll have a maretini, please,” said Lodestar.
“One maretini. And you, ma’am?”
The princess continued reading the menu, giving no sign that she had noticed the waiter.
“Two maretinis,” said Lodestar.
Their drinks arrived quickly. Lodestar sipped hers as the princess read, ignoring her own drink. Eventually she set the menu down. “Why do they fry pickles, of all things?”
Lodestar shrugged. “Some ponies like them. My brother made me try one once. It was… exactly as odd as you would expect.” She paused as a thought struck her. “You know, I don’t believe I’ve ever seen you eat anything.”
“I eat things!” the princess said defensively. “I eat all the time! Let me see, I last ate at lunch with my sister not two weeks ago. I enjoyed it immensely.”
“Two weeks? That can’t possibly be right. Nopony can go that long without eating.”
“Well, sustaining myself purely with magic is simple enough. It is merely a more refined application of the transformation spell thou witnessed earlier.”
“But why?”
“Eating causes some very intense sensations. I enjoy it, but in moderation. There is no food on the moon, and I am still growing accustomed to its presence here. It is no great matter, in truth. I am used to casting the sustenance spell constantly and subconsciously, the way other ponies breathe.”
Now that she was looking for it, Lodestar could tell that Princess Luna wasn’t breathing at all. Lodestar stared for several seconds before answering the princess. “I keep forgetting how different you are from anypony I’ve known. You can describe these things, but I can’t even imagine what it must be like.”
“I feel much the same about all of you, in truth. At times I fear that one such as I can never understand how mortals think.”
“I suppose your sister fits in quite well, doesn’t she?”
“Alas,” said Princess Luna, “she has always been better at such things, even before my… exile.” She picked up her drink and drained the glass in a single long gulp. “This is good. What dost thou call it?”
“That was a maretini. Would you like another one?”
“No, I will try something new. What shall we drink next? Thou hast steered me well, thus far.”
“How about wine? You might like the pony grigio.”
By the time they were on their fifth round of drinks, Lodestar could feel herself starting to relax. It was hard to remember why she had found Princess Luna so intimidating before. She was odd, certainly, but clearly without a malevolent bone in her body. That was assuming Princess Luna even had bones, of course. Lodestar wasn’t sure of anything when it came to the princess anymore.
“It was then that I left the vessel too long in the heat of the furnace,” Princess Luna was saying. “The glass began to lose its shape, and while I was able to prevent it from collapsing entirely, my best efforts were not enough to restore it to the form I had envisioned. I abandoned that attempt and conjured more raw glass so that I could begin anew, although this time I cooled the furnace slightly before I dared attempt it.”
“Excuse me, Princess,” said Lodestar, “I’m sorry to interrupt, but is there a point to this story?”
“No,” said Princess Luna. “Why? Should there be?”
“It’s considered traditional, yes.”
“Hmph. This business of anecdotes is more complicated than I remember.”
“Why are you so into glassblowing, anyway? It doesn’t seem like a very, uh, princessish hobby.”
“The word thou seekst is ‘regal’. And I have long been fascinated by the sacred act of creation. Glassworking is one facet of that. The challenge of forming a thing of beauty in such an inhospitable environment as a thousand-degree furnace is… compelling.”
“But I don’t get why you, of all ponies, would bother with that,” said Lodestar. “I mean, you’re a princess. You’re already famous. Do you really need to be an artist, too?”
“I have found that ponies are remembered not merely for who they are or how well they are known, but for what they accomplish. My art ensures that a hundred years from now, when ponies read about my life, they will find that I did more in this decade than simply return from exile.”
“I suppose I can understand that,” said Lodestar. “Still, it seems like returning is enough work on its own.”
Princess Luna nodded. “It is difficult at the best of times, and there have been mistakes, as thou knowst well. I do apologize for the asphyxiation incident. Such things have made my task yet harder.”
“And the rumors are even worse! I even heard somepony say you lit a servant on fire, once.”
Princess Luna winced slightly. “Ah, yes. That was… unfortunate.”
“You mean it actually happened?”
“Not intentionally!” The princess grimaced, and her eyes didn’t quite meet Lodestar’s as she spoke. “Dawn Darling was my second attendant, before I was accustomed to being on Equestria once more. It was an honest mistake, I truly did not wish to do anything bad, but yes, I accidentally immolated him a little.”
Lodestar couldn’t keep the look of horror off her face. Fortunately, the princess was either too oblivious or too drunk to notice. “We were out in the gardens,” she continued, “and he said he was cold, so I used magic to warm him up. Unfortunately, I forgot that there is air on Equestria, which means things can, uh, what’s the word, can combust. I was nearly as surprised as he was!” Princess Luna chuckled. Lodestar did not.
“I put him out quickly, so he wasn’t hurt badly. Celestia told me he recovered in a matter of days. I never did see him after that night, however.” Princess Luna sighed. “I can understand why, but ‘tis a pity. I liked him. I don’t believe he knew it, but that pony had a truly magnanimous sesguin.”
Princess Luna curled into a ball and lay there, brooding. Lodestar drank her Southern Coltfoot and tried not to think about that poor pony being set on fire.
Several minutes later, the princess abruptly perked up. “Oh, that reminds me. Thou never didst tell me about thy sesguin.”
“That isn’t a word, Your Highness, remember?”
“Does it truly matter if it’s not in the dictionaries? I still wish to know.”
“I’m afraid you still haven’t told me what it means.”
“Indeed? Well, sesguin is… thou knowst how thou art different when thou art with different ponies? Thou art one way with thy family, another way in more formal relationships, and something else entirely when thou art alone. Sesguin is the bit of thyself that does not rely on context. ‘Tis the part that remains the same no matter what, separate from all the roles and expectations thou art trying to fulfill, including thine own. That is what I would know of thee.”
“I don’t… that’s a very broad question, Princess. I’m afraid I’m not sure how to answer.”
“Why is that?”
“I suppose I’ve never been a very introspective pony. It’s not something I’ve ever thought about.”
“Verily? I am sure thou knowst about thyself. Thou hast lived with thyself thy whole life, after all.”
Lodestar shook her head. “I’m sorry, Princess.”
The princess giggled. “Thou really shouldst not call me that if thou dost not want ponies to learn who I am.”
Lodestar shrugged. “Nopony’s listening to us. We ought to be fine.”
Princess Luna glanced around. “Thou art right. ‘Tis strange. There are so many groups of ponies in one place, but we do not speak to each other at all.”
The waiter approached their table. “Excuse me, ladies. I’m afraid we’re going to close for the night fairly soon. Can I get you a last drink? The maresala is particularly good tonight.”
“Oh!” said Princess Luna. “We don’t wish to be a nuisance. We will go.”
The waiter watched with bemusement as Lodestar explained to the princess how to go about paying for things. Once that was taken care of and the waiter trotted off, Lodestar said, “Shall we go back to the palace now?”
“Yes,” said the princess, and then—
A hideous crushing pain filled Lodestar’s world, as though her entire body had been squashed down to the size of a pea. The agony was immense, but instantaneous. By the time Lodestar registered how much it hurt, the pain was gone, and—
Everything was different. The floor was uneven under Lodestar’s hooves. The quiet sounds of music and conversation were gone, replaced by the chirping of insects. The air was cooler and smelled of flowers.
Disoriented and hopelessly confused, Lodestar collapsed bonelessly to the floor—no, not the floor, she realized as her head smacked into it. It was covered in grass, that made it ground instead. Her head throbbed and spun, her stomach churned, and her eyes struggled to adjust to the sudden darkness all around her.
“Lodestar!” The princess rushed to her side. “Art thou well? What is wrong?”
Lodestar’s heart was racing, and she tasted bile at the back of her throat. With an effort of will, she fought down the urge to retch. “Where—what just—what happened?”
“I teleported us to the palace gardens. I’m… I apologize, I should have told thee first. Truly, I did not realize it would affect thee so. My own constitution is such that I do not bother with the safeguards that mortal ponies use when teleporting. I forget how fragile you are.”
Lodestar took several deep breaths, pulled herself partway up, and slowly began to restore her outward composure. Internally, however, she was completely lost. The princess had just pulled her halfway across Canterlot without so much as a warning, let alone permission. Lodestar hadn’t felt so helpless since she was a filly in her mother’s hooves, and her mother had never treated her so carelessly.
As her nausea gradually faded, Lodestar’s thoughts swung back and forth from anger at the princess to fear at the staggering display of power she had just witnessed. She had never seen anypony teleport before, but her teachers had told her that only the most powerful unicorns could cast such a difficult spell, and even then they could only travel short distances. Clearly, none of them had seen the princess in action.
She looked up to see Princess Luna looking bashfully off to the side and pawing weakly at the grass. Her Royal Highness looked like nothing so much as a filly caught breaking her grandmother’s vase. Lodestar couldn’t bring herself to get mad at that. As the adrenaline trickled out of her system, fatigue and alcohol asserted themselves once more. She slumped back to the ground, drained.
“How feelest thou?” When Lodestar didn’t answer, Princess Luna continued. “I am sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen. That was… it was stupid, was it not?” A pause. “Forgive me, Lodestar? Please?”
Lodestar stayed silent. She was too full of confusion and sullen pride to do anything else. After a minute or two, Princess Luna laid down on the grass next to her.
The two ponies stayed that way for a long time. It was the princess who broke the silence. “I hate this,” she said. “I always do dumb things like that. I’m just not used to being part of the world again.” She curled into a ball on the grass and rested her head on her hooves. “All the bits and pieces of me that involve interacting with other ponies… I remember it, more or less, but it is no longer part of my sesguin. It probably won’t be for a very long time. I try my best, but it is hard.”
Something inside Lodestar snapped. “Princess, you can’t just brush it off like that! I know it’s hard for you to fit in, but this isn’t okay! Tonight is the second time you’ve done something like this to me! I could’ve died the first time! And maybe this time too, I don’t actually know what you did to me.”
“I am aware. This is why I change attendants so quickly. There are so many things to remember, and if I forget one, just one, just for a second, then somepony gets hurt.” Princess Luna looked up at the stars. “But I do try. I try so hard.”
“I’m sorry, but trying isn’t enough! I’m trying to like you, I really am, but I can’t do it if you keep hurting me for no reason!”
“I am improving, whatever thou thinkst.”
“What, you mean it’s okay to suffocate me half to death because it’s better than setting me on fire?”
“That is not all. Wouldst thou know a secret?” The unfamiliar hesitation in Princess Luna’s voice made Lodestar pause. “This is not the worst thing I have done. Even the accident with Dawn Darling was no more than forgetfulness. Nay, I was far worse when I first returned. The truth is…” She lowered her voice. “I am Nightmare Moon.”
“What? No, that was different. I made the trip to the Summer Sun Celebration, so I saw what happened. That wasn’t you at all! Everypony knows Nightmare Moon was just a… a twisted version of you.”
Princess Luna sighed. “I know my sister wants everypony to believe that, but, well, Nightmare Moon is not actually a different, uh, I can’t remember the word. Oh, right, entity. She isn’t a different entity.” She saw Lodestar’s look of confusion. “Watch, and I will show thee what I mean.”
Princess Luna’s body glowed with a bright light that obscured everything but her silhouette. The silhouette grew and changed into that of a pony taller and leaner than Princess Luna. The light quickly faded, giving Lodestar a clear view of an armored mare with a coat as dark as the gaps between the stars. Lodestar shrank back as Nightmare Moon stepped towards her.
“Dost thou understand, Lodestar?” The voice was Nightmare Moon’s, but it had Princess Luna’s earnest tone. “I wore a different form that night, yet it was still me.”
Lodestar hurriedly backed away. “Please don’t hurt me.”
“Wait, please don’t—I’m still the same pony, Lodestar! Thou needst not fear!” Nightmare Moon’s form dissolved into dark blue mist, then reformed into Princess Luna, kneeling at Lodestar’s side. She was back in the body Lodestar had first seen her wear, complete with wings, although she kept the ethereal mane she’d sported in the bar. “Listen. I am simply trying to explain what it’s been like for me, coming back to Equestria. I want thee to know that I did not intend to hurt thee with that teleport spell. I’m just unaccustomed to how the world is.”
“But if you’re really Nightmare Moon… she did try to hurt ponies. You did that.”
“I was terrified! I’d just materialized in the middle of the world for the first time in a thousand years and I had no idea what to do or how to feel! I only knew that I would not be ignored again. To that end, all I could think was to act the way ponies would expect a usurping goddess to act when she was liberated, and that was… well, thou knowst already. First banishing my sister, then the eternal night. I completely lost sight of my sesguin. It was the stupidest thing I have ever done, and I scared a lot of ponies, and I cannot tell thee how much I regret what I did. But Lodestar, I stopped. I went a good deal further than I ever meant to, but in the end I decided to stop being Nightmare Moon.”
“What? No, the Elements of Harmony were what turned you good again. Weren’t they?”
Princess Luna shook her head. “All the Elements did was nullify my magic. They ended the spells that kept Celestia banished and Equestria sealed in unending night. Everything that happened after that is what I chose. This is the real me. I know that now. I wish I had realized it sooner.”
Lodestar took a deep breath to steady herself. “Princess, I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore. I’m afraid you’ll have to find a new attendant.”
“Lodestar, no! Please don’t. This always happens.” Princess Luna’s voice broke. “Everypony leaves right when I start to get to know them. Some of them I do not miss much, but thee… I would be sad to see thee leave, Lodestar, truly I would.”
“I wish I could keep doing this, Princess, but it’s all too much for me. I just never know what to expect with you. If something like this can happen any time… I can’t stay on guard all the time, Princess. I’m sorry, but I can’t.”
Princess Luna was silent for several seconds. “Very well. If thou must leave us, then… very well. Goodbye, Lodestar. We wish thee a happy life.” There was a flash as the princess teleported away, leaving Lodestar alone in the gardens.
The stars were beginning to fade into the early dawn light by the time Lodestar made her drunken way back home. She staggered through the front door, then paused when she heard the clatter of pans from the kitchen. Sunspot wasn’t a pony who woke up early enough to cook a real breakfast. After a longing glance at her bedroom door, Lodestar went to investigate.
She found Morning Glory at the stove, hunched forward over a sizzling pan. Lodestar sniffed the air. “Eggs Barnedict and fried sunflower,” she said. “Not bad.”
Morning Glory looked up. “Oh! Hi, Lodestar. I didn’t hear you come in. Sorry, I can get pretty focused when I cook.”
“My brother’s still asleep?”
Morning Glory nodded. “I figured it’d be nice to have breakfast ready when Sunny wakes up. Did you want any? I’m happy to make more.”
“No, thanks. I’d better hit the hay.” Lodestar turned to go.
“Alright,” said Morning Glory. “Oh, and let me know whenever you want to do that interview.”
Lodestar stopped. “I suppose now’s as good a time as any.” After all, it wasn’t as though she had to worry about waking up in time for work. The night’s events still rattled through Lodestar’s head, and she had to tell somepony before she burst. Having her interview published in one of Equestria’s most widely-read periodicals was icing on the cake, of course. She’d dreamed about that since she was a filly.
“Great!” Morning Glory flipped an egg in one smooth, practiced motion. “Where would you like to start?”
“You remember that rumor about Princess Luna setting a pony on fire? Well, here’s what I heard right from the horse’s mouth…”