//------------------------------//
// Applejack's Artillery 
// Story: Obama Returns to Equestria 
// by a human 
//------------------------------//

In the middle of one of the dryer parts of Equestria, Pinkie Pie sat on a rock. She was completely still, staring ahead. She was waiting.

Discord appeared from under one of the rocks. "You know, his time isn't for a while."

Pinkie Pie was silent.

"You don't have to wait here."

Pinkie Pie continued to say nothing.

"Does this mean you give up?"

Pinkie Pie twitched. "I know it's hopeless to save him or anyone else," she said. "I know. That's different from giving up."

"That sounds like giving up to me."

"I'm not alive, and neither are you," Pinkie Pie said. "We have no free will. I thought I did for a while, but then you went and hid Celestia for two years." She looked ahead. "I'm here because I always would be here. I can see time, and every variation of time, and at this moment, I'm always here. So I obey."

Discord paused. "You, I can understand," he said, "but why do you think I lack free will?"

"You don't even understand why you follow your goal."

"It's natural, isn't it?"

"Not to me. Not to anyone else. We want to live. For you, it's a choice. You know, you could keep this place alive for all eternity. There's nothing stopping you."

Discord paused.

"But you can't, can you? Since they took that choice away from you, all you can think about is trying to get it back." Pinkie Pie sighed. "You can't help it. I know."

Discord was silent.

"Please don't take an earthly vessel again. I hate you. You know that."

"I created you."

"I know."

And with that, Discord disappeared.

Pinkie Pie looked down.

"Why did he have to give the Weapon a soul this time?"

– – – –

Years ago, Granny Smith made a deal with Princess Celestia. Celestia would give the Apple family unthinkable amounts of farmland, with just one condition—they could never leave apple farming. Their talents would never extend outside apple farming, and no one in the Apple family would know any other kind of success as long as Granny Smith's blood flowed through their veins. 

Granny Smith accepted. It seemed like a wonderful deal. After all, they had land and a guarantee they would always have the talent to sow it!

Then, after the assassination attempt, Celestia took away the Apple family's land, and the truth became evident. The two—the land and the talents—were inextricably connected, and by taking one away you could watch the other completely crumble. After all, Celestia hadn't just given the Apple family unthinkable amounts of land—she had given them all of the available fertile land in Equestria. 

And now that it was all taken away from them, they had nowhere to work. 

Every other farm despised them for the monopoly they had held, and their old land, in a similar deal, had gone to the Pear family, who wanted nothing more than to see all of them dead. 

The entire Apple family suddenly had no way to survive.

Slowly but surely, the Apple family dissolved. Every now and then Applejack would hear stories. A nephew had starved to death on the streets. An aunt had failed at yet another business venture. Yet another cousin sold their body. That was happening with disturbing frequency lately.

Applejack, however, could bring herself to such lows, and neither could Apple Bloom. They tried looking for work. But luck was tough. No farm would hire anyone from the Apple family, and their talents were useless. Ever since meeting Rammstein, Applejack had a gained a certain affinity with machines, or at least pyrotechnics, but few ponies were interested in that. If a pony wanted to blow something up, they would just use magic. Not to mention, Apple Bloom didn't even have a cutie mark yet.

Finally, they were forced to admit that, if they were going to survive at all, they would have to go their separate ways. Apple Bloom went, begrudgingly, to the criminal element of Equestria, as a last shot to see if that's where her special talent lied. She hoped it wasn't, but it was the only thing left, and she needed to eat. 

Applejack also went to her last hope. She went to the only place in Equestria where anyone was interested in machines to any useful degree—a place she had long tried to avoid.

The human colony.

– – – –

Not many ponies knew about the human colony, other than that it existed. Applejack was no exception. She had heard things in hushed whispers. 

That Celestia used the city as a giant petri dish for bizarre experiments, sometimes turning the inhabitants into hideous monsters and letting them loose. 

That the ponies there kept close watch on the humans, and abused their privileges whenever they got the chance. 

That many humans had died attempting to escape from the human colony—the unlucky ones resuscitated just long enough for Celestia to use them for some hideous purpose.

And when you looked at it, none of those things quite surprised you. It was an abomination, like a significantly uglier version of Canterlot Castle. 

No two buildings looked alike, were done in the same architectural style, had the same amount of floors, or even had the floors the same heights. Doors were too short, too wide. Windows were placed in odd places. Some buildings were nothing but windows, others had windows drawn on in ballpoint pen. Some buildings were made of wood, others of metal, others of glass, and others felt like they would crash down at any moment, held together only by taped together pieces of cardboard. 

It was as if someone gave nearly limitless resources to people they knew were incompetent, and sat back and waited to laugh at the results—which, if Applejack knew Celestia, was exactly what happened. 

The humans knew the pecking order here, and had clearly been told to respect ponies as much as possible. As soon as Applejack set foot in the town, people spread a path for her. It probably didn't help that she was quite well known as one of the Elements of Harmony, and one of the characters of that accursed TV show of them that existed in the human world. 

As she walked through the bazaar, she noticed with some disgust the sheer amount of merchandise of her that was for sale. She shook her head and pressed forward, though. 

That was an indignity she would have to suffer through if she was going to work here at all.

Finally, she stopped, in what appeared to be the center of town, and looked around. She wasn't sure what to do, where to go, or what to say, but she was going to need to do something if she was going to gain control of her life again. 

She inhaled, turned to the attentive group of people, and said, "Excuse me, who's in charge here? I need a job."

The crowd was silent. They had, presumably, heard about the Apple family's situation. "As what?" someone yelled out.

"A machinist," Applejack said. "Or something to do with apples. Or both." She scratched her head. "I was also… a counselor for a bit." 

She decided not to mention that many of her patients ended up far more disturbed than they had begun.

Whatever she said, she captured the interest of the crowd. People were excitedly talking amongst themselves, and some were shoving little black rectangular devices into her face.

"Have you seen this before?" they said. "Do you think you can fix it?"

"I need my phone back! There's no reception or internet, but I still need my phone back!"

"Do you think this can somehow lead to me marrying her!?"

"For Celestia's sake, be quie—!"

Then, a hoof hit the ground, and the crowd became immediately, disconcertingly silent. They parted once again, this time for another pony—what appeared to be a member of the royal guard. He slowly walked up to Applejack. 

He looked vaguely like Shining Armor, but it wasn't him. He had a strong build, white fur, blue hair, blue eyes, a nearly identical face, but still, there was something obviously different about him. 

His hair, which was meticulously styled, had some greasy quality that permeated it so much it was likely no amount of sanitation could remove it. His face twitched occasionally, rarely more than a fraction of a millimeter, but enough to be noticeable at the edge of your subconscious. His mouth was locked in what appeared to be a near permanent toothy smile. Even as he smiled, his eyes had a piercing quality that Applejack had only seen a couple times before—in Celestia, as she dished out her punishments for the mane six, and in Fluttershy, that one time she got angry at Applejack and almost beat her to death with a birdhouse.

It was okay though, since she was Fluttershy. She must have been stressed out.

Also, unlike any royal guard Applejack had seen, this stallion had a name tag on his armor.

"Wall Breaker… the Fourth."

"That's right," he said, "it's me again! If you thought I was too 'meta,' you're in for a world of hurt, because I'm in charge of this dump!"

"What?" Applejack said. "What are you talking about? We've never met."

Wall Breaker paused, and his eyes grew narrower by a couple degrees. "I wasn't talking to you," he said, slowly.

"Then who…?"

He pointed behind Applejack and raised his eyebrows, as if he was pointing out something obvious. Applejack looked behind her.

There was a wall.

"Now," he said, clopping his hooves together, knowing full well what that sounded like, "if you want a job, then you'll need to talk to today's mayor. Come on, follow me."

Applejack trotted after him. "Today's mayor?"

"That's right!" he said. "You'll learn pretty quickly that things work a bit differently down here in the human colony. You have to have a special way of thinking to see how it all fits together." He looked back. "A special way of thinking like mine."

Applejack could call his way of thinking special, all right.

"I heard that," he said. "Besides, you and the mayor have met before!"

Applejack scrunched her face. "Mayor Mare?"

"Oh, no, no! Didn't you hear? She died snorting tax forms when she worked for the pony IRS. Man, what a way to go."

Applejack knew that, but she was half expecting to hear that she had come back as a zombie or something.

"Wrong!" Wall Breaker said, catching Applejack off guard. "There's no zombies in this story. Only a few have defied death, and you already know who they are."

"I do?"

"Once again, not talking to you."

Applejack sighed. She was going to ask what he meant by "this story," but decided against it. She doubted she would get any type of comprehensible answer.

"You're learning quickly," Wall Breaker said. "Now, hurry up! We can't keep the mayor waiting. He'll be out of power in a few hours."

He started galloping, and Applejack rolled her eyes and started following.

A mayor she had met before? A stallion that could apparently read minds? Bureaucracies that were incomprehensible madness?

This was seeming more like home by the minute.

…unfortunately.

– – – –

"Oh dear Celestia," Applejack said, recoiling. "The Donald? You're the mayor?"

Donald Trump leaned back in a distinctly ostentatious chair and folded his hands. "That's right," he said, smirking. "I'm back. And thanks for calling me The Donald. People never get that right."

"Er, actually, I just forgot your last name…"

"Anyway," he said, leaning forward, "what could an esteemed Element of Harmony possibly want with a little town like us?"

Nearly everyone in the room flinched when he said "little town," although Applejack could not tell if that was because the settlement was too large to be called little, or too horrible to be called a town. "I'm looking for work," she said. "Celestia took away all my family's land, so I can't get a job on a farm. I can deal with machines, sort of, but ponies aren't interested in stuff like that, so I, you know. Came here."

"And what kind of work would you be willing to do?"

"Anything, really," Applejack said. Then, she noticed every eyebrow in the room shoot up simultaneously, and decided that she needed to set some limits. "…nothing even remotely involving sex, though," she added. "Or death. Killing people. You know. Those are my limits. Sex and death. Won't do those."

"I think we can work around that," the Donald said, a little too smoothly. Applejack could practically hear the gears in his head turning, figuring out how to make her change her mind.

She snapped. "Why would anyone even want to have sex with me anyway!?" she said. "We aren't even the same species!"

The Donald took a second. "Have you looked at a horse? Seen the beads of sweat drip down her body? Watched her toned muscles flex sensuously? Admired the sheer power of her body?"

Applejack was thinking of Rainbow Dash. She tried not to let that show. "…yes?"

"It's like that."

Applejack blinked. She almost understood what he was talking about. That scared her.

"Besides, it's not like your species has any scruples."

Applejack had to admit, he had a point…

"So basically, what he's saying is, all humans have a secret lust for horses," Wall Breaker said. "Makes sense. I mean, for Celestia's sake, look at what humans look like. They're so ugly. Of course they'd want some of," he pointed at himself, "this meat."

It then occurred to Applejack that these two were probably not the best people to trust for answers to questions like these.

There was a light knocking at the door, and a human woman in a French maid outfit walked in. She was far too attractive to be seen near the Donald, but Applejack and Wall Breaker had no real frame of reference for this, so they couldn't tell.

"Sir," she said, and then started whispering something in his ear. He nodded a couple times, and then, as quickly as she came, she walked out, slamming the door behind her.

The three were silent for a bit.

"And that was…?" Applejack said.

"My new assistant," the Donald said. "Tricia. Or was it Trixie? No, not her. She was the first. Or was it Tammy…?"

Applejack would regret it, but she had to ask. "What happened to Trixie, anyway? Wasn't she always with you?"

The Donald shrugged. "I don't know. She stuck with me the longest, but then she just left. As soon as she heard about your friend becoming a princess, she ran off, muttering something about getting hers, even if it took a thousand years…"

"Right," Applejack said. That made her think. Was Twilight immortal now? There was that whole coronation business, but Celestia never really said…

"Anyway, back on topic," the Donald said, "I believe we have a very in demand position for you."

Applejack beamed. "Really?"

The Donald smiled. That should have worried Applejack, but she was too busy being happy to notice. "I think it can combine your skills at apples and technology very efficiently."

– – – –

"Fixing iPhones?" Applejack said, looking over the job description sheet in confusion. "What's an iPhone?"

Her new roommate sat in the back, not sure whether to say anything or not.

There was little to no room in the human colony, so if Applejack wanted any place to live, she was going to have to room with someone. That was agiven. The only thing she could even hope to control was what kind of person her roommate was. 

She had set a hard line on that. She wanted the gayest possible human male that had never been sexually attracted to a horse in his life. That was the only type of person she would be comfortable with.

Somehow, she got Joe, who was neither, but was scared to death of ponies, and that was good enough for her.

"Hey," she said, walking across all six feet of their apartment to tap him on the shoulder. "Joe. What's an iPhone?"

Joe hesitated. "It's… this…" He tried to figure out how to explain that kind of technology to a pony that likely knew little about technology and less about magic. "Well… do you know what a telephone is?"

"Yes."

"And you know what a computer is?"

"Yes. It's a glowing screen you used to watch pornography, right?"

Close enough. "Now, you take a telephone, you take a computer, you squish them together, and you get this little black thing." He held up his smartphone, which was dead, just like everyone else's. "It can call people, it can… do computer stuff, and it's smaller than either individually. And then you sell it for $700."

Applejack recoiled. "$700!?" yelled. She paused. "That's… like, a lot in human currency, right?"

"Yeah." Joe paused. "But it's okay, because it's cool." He looked at his smartphone again. "Thing is, these things, like all our technology, need power to run. And here in Equestria, there's no power to put in them."

Applejack scratched her head. "But isn't there enough magic to use?"

"That doesn't work with our devices," he said. "They need electricity."

"Electricity? Like lightning?"

"Yeah. Like lightning. Except… stored. Somehow."

Applejack looked at the rectangular thing he was holding. "Is that… an iPhone?"

He looked at it. "No. It's a similar device made by a different company."

"So it's an iPhone knockoff?"

Joe thought about it. "You know, I guess it is."

"Let me see that," Applejack said, then grabbed the thing from Joe before he could say no. Luckily, this apartment had previously belonged to the last guy that tried to fix everyone's smartphones, and as such, had a fairly nice workbench and selection of tools in one of the rooms. That was one of the reasons Applejack had been given this apartment.

Applejack started unscrewing the back of the phone.

"Wait, you aren't seriously expecting to be able to fix it now, are you?" Joe said.

"It can't hurt," Applejack said. "The things already broken, right?" She got back to work. "And besides, my honor is at stake."

"What?"

Applejack's face darkened. "If I can't do this… if I can't fix at least a couple of these iPhones," she said, "I'm going to have to start selling my services around here in an entirely different fashion. I really don't want to do that, so I'd like to get a head start."

Joe looked at her. "Is that what the Donald told you?"

"Yeah, and he's in charge of this dump, right?" Applejack said. She grumbled. "So, even if he's a depraved moron, I have to listen to him."

"You do realize he'll be out of power tomorrow, right?"

Applejack stopped, and looked at Joe. "You know, everyone keeps saying that," she said. "What do you mean?"

Joe sighed. "It's a long story," he said. "Well, not really. Your ruler, Celestia, set this colony up so that it would have a different mayor every day. Currently, it cycles between three people: Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Il, and someone that hides behind a mask."

Applejack looked skeptical. "A masked mayor?"

"Hey, don't diss them!" Joe said. "They're the sane one. Anyone that ashamed to be here has to know what they're doing."

Applejack thought back. That was disturbingly similar to Mayor Mare's election campaign a couple years ago… "So how does that work? Your leader changes every day? So that means all the laws and stuff change to?"

"You got it."

"And the next mayor can undo anything the last one did?"

"Got that right."

Applejack blinked. "Isn't that totally convoluted, painful, and inefficient?"

Joe was completely still. "I think you're beginning to see the picture."

Applejack leaned back and facehatted. "Oh dear Celestia," she said. "No pun intended…"

"It's not that bad," Joe lied. Then he realized there actually were a couple good things he could say about the system. "In fact, a couple countries back home were built on similar principles. It prevents much good from getting done, but on the other hand, it also prevents much bad from getting done. Usually, if one of the mayors does something really stupid, the other ones will work against them, even if only out of spite. And besides, things only get really bad when Celestia shows up."

Applejack's eyes widened. "Celestia comes here?"

Joe grew pale. "I'd… I rather not talk about it."

Applejack got the idea. She went back to work on his phone.

Joe hesitated again. She could hear it—the faint sound of his mouth as he opened and closed it, debating whether he actually wanted to say anything or not. "Listen," he got out, "have you heard anything about a… Bob?"

"Bob?"

"He was a friend of mine. We came here together, you see, but when we arrived, we…" Joe stopped, realizing he had said too much.

"Wait, came here together?" Applejack said, setting down her screwdriver yet again. "I thought the only way to get here was to have a near-death experience."

Joe gulped, and after a couple seconds, decided it would be best to tell the truth. "It is. We did," he said, looking down. "We… were told that where we lived, the chances of being sent to Equestria if you risked death were very high. We were disillusioned with the human world, so one day, we got up on top of our apartment and… jumped."

Applejack was silent for a couple seconds. "I'm sorry," she said. She took her hat off, and placed it over her chest, in respect. "Did he… did he not make it here?"

Joe looked down. "That's just it," he said. "I don't know. All I know is that when I got here, he was no longer next to me. And so far… I haven't been able to find him anywhere else."

"I'm sorry," Applejack said. "I'm sure you'll find him eventually." She looked at him. "Man, life must've been pretty bad in the human world if you were willing to commit suicide to come here."

Joe laughed ruefully. "It wasn't. It wasn't really that bad," he said. "We were just spoiled. We didn't know how good we had it until it was taken away from us. It's practically like a concentration camp here. I'd give just about anything to go back, and to be back with Bob again, but I guess… I guess that's hopeless now." He stopped, and a tear formed in his eye. "I… just wish I could've told him how much I… I…"

It was risky, but Applejack knew she had to do it.

She walked over to him and hugged him.

"There there," she said. "It's going to be okay… it's going to be okay…"

He clasped her back, and began weeping into her shoulder. The two stood there for a while like that, Applejack briefly stroking his back in an attempt to console him.

The whole time, the embrace remained completely platonic. Neither of them tried to take it anywhere further. Neither of them made an inappropriate pass. 

They both could not help but think…

Maybe I've finally met a decent human.

Maybe I've finally met a decent pony. 

– – – –

"Good luck," Joe said, and closed the door, off to work in the dreary rice fields that created most of the human colony's income.

Applejack had been there a few days now, and had fallen into a routine. At the crack of dawn, her and Joe would get up, eat some disgusting something-or-other for breakfast. Then, Joe would leave for work, leaving Applejack alone for most of the rest of the day to work on her main project—attempting to fix the humans' smartphones. Then, late in the evening, Joe would return, and they would talk about their day's toils. 

He took a special interest in Applejack's work. Whether he was just interested in getting his phone back, or if he had a genuine interest in what she was doing, she did not know. But regardless, it was always pretty uncomfortable. 

The truth was, she had hardly any faith in her ability to fix the things. After all, the problem wasn't even a mechanical one—it had to do with finding a power source, which fell outside her range of skills no matter how you sliced it up. 

She tried fiddling with the equipment all she could, but putting in the chips upside down and stuff could only do so much. The more she worked, the further she felt from a solution.

There was only one thing she could do to "fix" the things, but she didn't want to stoop that low. Not again.

She grabbed her hat and walked outside.

– – – –

She could feel fairly safe today, at least, since the masked mayor was in charge. At first, she thought Joe was just screwing with her, but then she actually saw the person. They exuded a certain kind of presence—although, anyone in that many billowing capes would. It was impossible to even tell the gender of the person through that costume.

At first, Applejack wondered why Celestia had assigned such a competent mayor to the human colony, but then she realized it actually fit Celestia's MO perfectly. Sure, they were competent, but the other two mayors weren't. The masked mayor had to work eight times as hard to clean up their messes. 

And so, even on a good day, like today, there were still a few rogue explosions and armed robberies. Ironically enough, most of those kind of attacks came from the humans. Celestia had managed to engineer things to a degree where she didn't really need to sabotage much anymore—the humans sabotaged themselves for her.

The main other source of justice in the human colony was the Three—Fluttershy, Spitfire, and Wall Breaker. 

Applejack hadn't even heard of the Three until she had come here. And most ponies hadn't. Usually, one only heard of them on the border between life and death. And, well, humans in Equestria were constantly on the border between life and death.

While all ponies had rights above humans, within the human colony, they were still bound to the will of the human colony's active mayor. The Three were the only exception to this. They alone could disregard any laws they wanted any time they wanted—in the human colony or anywhere else—at a simple price. 

They, unlike the rest of Equestria, had to obey direct orders from Celestia without question. 

Even if Celestia told them to carve their own heart out with a spoon, they would have to do it. And worst part was, they would be glad to. That level of insanity was a qualification to enter the Three.

And while it seemed surreal at first, Applejack had to admit, it made some kind of sense. 

Fluttershy's ability to bend people's will… 

Spitfire's hypnotic motions that could seduce anything… 

Wall Breaker's bizarre clairvoyance… 

It wasn't surprising at all that Celestia would want to keep people with powers like that close to her… and control them.

Out of the Three, the only one that really spent any time in the human colony was Wall Breaker. The other two came by occasionally, but he actually seemed to enjoy being here. So, after Celestia had the human police department destroyed (they tried to overthrow her, and worse, incompetently), he was now in charge of all justice in the human colony. What was previously a team of fairly unbiased and professional humans was now a one-man judge, jury, and executioner—Wall Breaker. 

This worked about as well as you would expect. 

Especially considering who his assistant was.

"Hello Applejack," Diamond Tiara said, sauntering up. "I still can't believe you're actually living in this dump."

Apparently, merely being rich was not good enough for her, so she decided to go to the human colony just so she could have more power than everyone around her. Wall Breaker, and, more importantly, Celestia, quite liked this logic, and she was quickly named the Assistant Enforcement Officer for the human colony, a job title which occasionally changed to the official Assistant Assistant Torturer for Equestria. 

Fluttershy occupied the top two ranks. No one alive tended to argue with that.

"I still can't believe you're here," Applejack said. She couldn't resist. "I thought a place like this would be too low class for someone like you."

"There's nothing more classy than stomping on people. Literally," Diamond Tiara said. "At least I'm not trying to live with these freaks, like you are."

Applejack paused. "You can't convince me killing people is a better option," she said.

Diamond Tiara blinked at her a few times, and then slowly got in her face. "You're so naïve, Applejack. You've always been naïve. You and that little sister of yours both," she whispered. "It's about time you wise and up and realize how this world really works… or you might crumble to dust like the rest of your pathetic little family."

"You take that back!" Applejack yelled, and then headbutted Diamond Tiara with all her strength. Caught off guard, Diamond Tiara flew back a few feet, and when she was upright again, had a clearly bloody nose.

"W-Why you…" she seethed, and then started charging towards Applejack.

Applejack readied herself, but almost immediately, right before either of them once again made contact with each other, something stopped them.

Seemingly from nowhere, two white hooves appeared and help them in place.

Wall Breaker slowly emerged from a small bucket on the ground, which Applejack was reasonably sure only Pinkie Pie could do. All during this, he held the two in place.

"Just wait, my dear," he said to Diamond Tiara, "you'll get your chance." He turned to Applejack. "I apologize for my assistant's behavior."

Applejack backed off. "Apology accepted."

Wall Breaker smiled. "This usually isn't how we work here, you know," he said. "We don't goad people into committing crimes. We let them the tie the noose themselves, and then we hang them with it." He turned to Diamond Tiara again. "Isn't that right?"

Diamond Tiara nodded.

"And most importantly, we never, ever let them lay a finger on us," he said, his permanent toothy smile briefly becoming more sinister. "Come on, let's go."

Diamond Tiara muttered something under her breath, and walked away with Wall Breaker. Applejack briefly smiled to herself.

Then, Wall Breaker whipped his head around and glared at her.

"Don't you get cocky either," he said. "Know your place."

Then, the two turned around and continued walking away.

Applejack, still a bit shocked, turned around as well, and saw something unusual. 

The site of a destroyed building. 

Usually, all three mayors of the city were, at the very least, very fastidious in making sure the human colony looked its best. But here… all three were willing to let the space remain unused as a reminder of some kind. Of what, Applejack could not imagine. 

The only thing left in that spot was a small placard that read, "Here lies the origin of the first monster."

– – – –

"So? How was your day?" Joe said in as high spirits as he could while eating the indeterminable sludge they all called dinner around there. "Make any breakthroughs with the phones?"

Applejack paused. She couldn't lie anymore. "No," she said. "Today, I just walked around town. The last two days, I've just meaninglessly fiddled. I don't think I can fix them."

Joe dropped his fork. "What?" he said. "But I thought you said—"

"I know what I said," Applejack said. "I was… lying." She smiled ruefully. "I can do it sometimes. It doesn't feel good, and I'm not very good at it, but… I can do it."

"But… I thought I heard everyone said that you are really good with machines…"

"Well, sort of," Applejack said. "That's just a coincidence, though."

Joe blinked. "A coincidence?"

Applejack had never really told anyone this before, but after what she saw that day, she felt she had nothing to lose. "The truth is, I can't fix things," she said. "I'm not good with machines at all. I'm not good at anything outside of apples at all. That's the curse of the Apple family. We can never be good at something that does not involve apples. If we try anything else, we fail."

"Then how—?"

"I didn't succeed at making monster trucks or flamethrower displays or any of the rest of that nonsense," Applejack said. "I only failed at fixing things. Failed spectacularly. That's part of the curse—you fail to a degree that most would consider impossible. I didn't go into any of those projects intending to make what I did. I merely tried to fix something, and when the results were impressive enough, I tried to play it off as intentional. That's what Rammstein taught me—that people were actually interested in flame shooting deathtraps. And surprisingly, it worked." She looked to the side. "At least for a while."

Joe thought about this. "So if you tried, really tried to fix those phones…"

"They'd probably end up as machine guns or something," Applejack said. She sighed. "And the worst part is, everyone would probably love it, and slice themselves to bits with the things. And I… I really don't want to be involved in things like that anymore. But… it's beginning to seem like the only option."

Joe was silent.

Applejack looked away. "I'm worthless," she said. "I'm in the same boat you are. You know what happened today? I just had to deal with being completely humiliated by one of my sister's old classmates, who's, like, the head torturer of this place or something when she's only 17. And who knows what Apple Bloom is going through right now. I can't protect her. I can hardly even protect myself."

Joe was silent for a bit longer, and then spoke. "Just do it," he said.

Applejack looked up. "What?"

"Just fix the phones however you usually would," he said. "How you do it may be a lie, but the results that come out of it are real. I'm sure that you can make some kind of living making weapons for the human colony or something."

Applejack shook her head. "I can't! I can't do that…"

"You need to survive!" Joe said. "We… you can save up money or something and… think of something. You'll think of something, I know it."

"How do you know that!?" Applejack yelled.

Joe looked down. "Because," he said, "you always did. In that show, I mean." He stopped. "You probably hate it, I know. But when I was down, I'd watch that show, and… you'd always think of something. It gave me strength." He looked at her with some intensity. "So don't give up. If you of all people give up, I don't know… I don't know what I'll do."

The two sat there silent, not taking a bite. Applejack nervously swallowed.

"Okay," she got out. "I'll do it."

– – – –

The gold-plated fireplace burned, making a terrible singeing metal smell. The rest of the room sparkled in hideous excess.

"…and that's the situation," the Donald said as he leaned back in a chair made from the finest buffalo hides. Celestia never told him that buffalo were sentient in this world, but he probably wouldn't have cared if he knew otherwise. "I think, in general, the humans are coming around to my way of thinking."

Diamond Tiara gently nodded. "Yes, yes," she said, "I imagine they are." He had been saying that for the last six months. No one actually believed it, but a certain amount of humoring the mayors was necessary to keep order—and to keep the show going on. "Is that all?"

"Yes, yes it is," the Donald said, but his gaze lingered just a little too long. Diamond Tiara got up, and then, he stopped her. "No, wait," he said, "one more thing."

She turned around, wondering what this was about. He had never actually kept her late before. "What? What is it?"

"Don't you want to stay a bit?"

Even with her background, the ostentatiousness of the room gave her a headache. "I've got duties to attend to, thank you very much," she said, and made to leave again, but this time he grabbed her on the shoulder. It wasn't a gentle grab—in fact, it was outright forceful.

"No, no," he said, smoothly, "stay, please stay."

Diamond Tiara looked at his hand with the utmost revulsion. "Get your hands off me, you filthy ape," she seethed. Wall Breaker's words were still ringing in her ears.

The Donald fell silent, filling the room with a heavy quiet, but his sleazy smile went on. "You think my hand is disgusting, don't you?" he says. "You all do, don't you? You think we're all disgusting, don't you? And particularly me. You all think I'm disgusting. I know the humans think I'm disgusting. But you do too, don't you?"

He was expecting her to object, even a slight bit, if only to keep up appearances, but instead, completely without hesitation, she let out a large cackle. "Of course!" she held, between fits of giggles. "You… and you in particular… are the most hideous thing I've laid my eyes upon!"

The Donald's smile faded. "Oh really?" he said. "Do you think I'm powerless as well?"

Diamond Tiara smirked. "Of course. You wouldn't even be able to lift a single one of those slimy fingers without our permission."

"That's what you think, then?" the Donald whispered. The anger in his voice was now becoming clearly apparent, and Diamond Tiara began to get the creeping impression that she was in over her head. "Tell me… where is Wall Breaker right now?"

"I… he…"

"He's out in Canterlot, isn't he?" the Donald said. "Making some more report or other to Celestia?"

"That's Princess Celestia," Diamond Tiara got out. "Only ponies are allowed to call her Celestia."

The Donald smiled, but it was not his usual manipulative smile. It was something else entirely, a smile filled with more greed and depravity than even Diamond Tiara thought he was capable of. "Is she here?"

"No, but…"

"Good."

He then slammed her against the floor, and Diamond Tiara realized just how cold and hard the marble actually was. She tried to resist, but the Donald quickly bent her hooves to the side, eliciting a snap.

"AH—!"

"I've been waiting for this moment for so long," he said, over her. "I've been watching you for so long, tempting me, telling me I can't have you." He got close, much too close to her face, and breathed on it, making her recoil from the sheer odor. "I've always believed nothing is impossible. Why don't we put that to the test?"

He reached down. Diamond Tiara jolted.

"Wall Breaker! Celestia! Help me! Help! HELP!"

– – – –

The masked mayor and Applejack stood in a small warehouse. It, at the moment, had only a couple of crates in it—but it would soon have much more.

"Are you sure about this?" the masked mayor said, looking down at one of them.

"Yes," Applejack said.

She had decided to fix the phones and let whatever happened happen. As usual, this ended up creating some horrible spiky flamethrower devices. 

At home, it would have been a nice decorative item, to show off her supposed skills in engineering. Here, however, it would be used as a weapon, likely by the humans, against the humans. 

Applejack knew this. 

She didn't like it, but she had to accept it. If she was going to change anything for the better… she would need to first gain some power. 

Like Twilight.

At least this time she was honest about the source of her "skills." She wanted to get that much off her chest. So, she sat down with the mayors and explained that, while she could make elaborate devices potentially useful as weapons, she had no control over what they would be or how they would work. 

The mayors had surprisingly few objections to this. After all, their time in Equestria had made them pretty used to arbitrary bullshit—but this time, the arbitrary bullshit was finally in their favor. 

The only one that was hesitant was the masked mayor. But even then, they didn't resist. They seemed… resigned. Like they knew this day had been long coming. And that it was hopeless to change the other two mayors.

But they hadn't quite given up on Applejack.

Applejack walked out, but then stopped… and turned back to the masked mayor. "…good luck."

The masked mayor stood still. "You do realize," they said, "that eventually, you will help have to help clean up this mess."

Applejack turned away. "I know," she said. "I know that."

And with that, she left.

– – – –

Diamond Tiara slowly walked through town, attempting to hide her limp. She was pretty sure Trump had broken a leg. It hurt, but not nearly as much as the humiliation did. If it had been a stallion, it would have been disgraceful enough—but a human? A male human? 

That was beyond reproach. 

If word got out that she had let one touch her, it would end her reputation. People would think she wanted one to touch her. 

After all, ponies were stronger than humans, right? 

If a pony didn't want to do something, they could definitely stop a human, right?

Diamond Tiara shook her head.

She was a disgrace. It was as simple as that. A disgrace. She would always know that. 

But, like anything else in her life, this could be covered up. 

No one needed to know.

It had worked so many times in the past. When you had enough resources, the content of your character did not matter at all. All that mattered was how you paid people off. How you subtly molded them to your advantage.

No one was truly strong. Some just appeared that way, because of how they used their resources.

"What was that?" a voice said.

Diamond Tiara froze, and turned around, to see Wall Breaker slowly oozing out of a window.

"Did you really think I wouldn't find out?" he said when he regained something resembling a corporal form. He walked over to her, and kicked her bad leg, making her double over in pain. "Fell down the stairs my ass!"

Diamond Tiara stayed on the ground, completely still, her eyes wide.

"Don't try to tell any other lies," he said, walking around her. "I talked to the man himself. He owned up to everything."

Diamond Tiara recoiled. "What!? Why—!?"

Wall Breaker got in her face. "Celestia legalized rape here, remember?" he said. "And the mayors are a protected class just as much as we are, remember? Of course, he wasn't sure how that would apply to assaulting a personally chosen representative of Celestia, but the answer to that should have been obvious."

"Obvious?"

Wall Breaker gestured to the main square. "The chariot's out there. She wants to see us both."

– – – –

It was a little known fact, but there actually was a clear, direct route to the throne room in Canterlot Castle. One needed only to enter through the front entrance and walk forward in a straight line. It was that simple. Celestia always got some amusement out of seeing everyone make the problem much more complicated than it actually was. 

Of course, it all depended on what you considered the front entrance or a straight line, but that was besides the point.

The point was, within minutes of arriving in Canterlot, Wall Breaker and Diamond Tiara were in the throne room with Celestia.

And while she still had a smile on her face, she did not seem nearly as amused as usual.

"Diamond Tiara," she said in a voice said that filled the room, "do you know what happens when a trusted representative of mine is assaulted by a member of a lower species?"

Diamond Tiara shrunk back. "Y-Yes…"

Celestia's brow twitched. "No, you don't," she said. "Because I don't have trusted representatives that get assaulted by members of a lower species."

Diamond Tiara nervously laughed. "But that's impossible!" she said. "I'm… I'm only an earth pony! What could I have done!? It was just bad luck. Even your representatives can't be immune to bad luck! It's his fault, for overstepping its bounds! He should be punished!"

"He should have never been able to get anywhere close to overstepping his bounds," Celestia said. "That is precisely what I hired you to prevent. But I suppose that was too much responsibility for you."

"It was a fluke, I—!"

"Silence," Celestia commanded, now openly frowning. "Trusted representatives of me do not let flukes happen to them. They will create circumstances so that flukes never happen to them. And if the impossible happens, which it can, because I am the impossible, they will certainly not call out to me for help."

Diamond Tiara froze.

"That's right," Celestia said, "I know every time anyone mentions my name. Particularly within my staff. It's one of the most fundamental steps of running a world. And so yes, I heard you." Her eyes widened. "I heard your pathetic cries of agony as you put up the slightest excuse of a resistance!"

Sweat dripped down Diamond Tiara's brow.

Celestia got off the throne, and approached the two. "I took a gamble on you," she said. "When you had the gall to come to me and ask to be put in charge of the human colony just so you could dominate over others, I knew there were two possibilities—that you were extremely strong, or that you were extremely weak. And you know that I detest nothing more than weakness."

The adrenaline was getting to Diamond Tiara's brain. She snorted. "Ha! Then what about Shining Armor, the most merciful captain of the guard in 100 years!?"

"And yet he was able to advance through a system where the only means of promotion is to kill your superior!" Celestia said. "You seem to confuse strength for sadism. He was able to successfully move through the ranks without ever violating his ideals, even though he was in  a system specifically designed to repel people like him. To accomplish something with nothing at your disposal—that is strength! It has nothing to do with how much money you have, or whether your goal is peace or war. If you can manipulate the circumstances of the world to your advantage with no outside help whatsoever—that is strength!"

"That's insane!" Diamond Tiara yelled. "No mortal can have that much power!"

Celestia stopped, and looked down at her. She glared, and then said something that only a handful of people in the world knew.

"I was once mortal."

This caught Diamond Tiara off guard.

"…wha…" Diamond Tiara said. "…but… you're…"

"I'm not God. I'm not omniscient," Celestia said, smiling, sitting back in her throne. "If you would have told anyone of my era that it was possible to accomplish anything resembling godhood, they would have said it was impossible. Until me. I was able to forcibly take it from the universe."

Diamond Tiara's mouth opened and closed.

"And so, when I hear that you let one man, one member of a lower species, take control of something as trivial as your chastity, I do not feel even the slightest shred of sympathy," Celestia said. "Do I hold the whole population to that standard? Of course not. They serve a different purpose—as toys. They can be as weak as they want. But my staff? My closest staff? That's a different story." Her wings flared. "You were in over your head, Diamond Tiara. And when you gamble with me, you bet your life." 

She turned to Wall Breaker. "Now. Eat her."

Wall Breaker blinked. "What?"

"Eat her. Right here," Celestia said. "That is a direct order."

Wall Breaker, for the first time in many years, hesitated slightly. He looked over at the trembling Diamond Tiara. "Er, why?"

Celestia smiled. "Because I just ate myself. And now, I need an entirely different type of appetite fulfilled."

Wall Breaker stared at her for a couple seconds longer. Diamond Tiara could have sworn she saw some shred of sympathy in his eyes. "Alive?"

Celestia shrugged. "As long as you can keep her alive."

Wall Breaker took a couple seconds longer, and Diamond Tiara could have sworn she saw his judgment waver.

But then, he turned to Celestia, not a visible emotion on his face.

"Okay."

– – – –

From that day forward, Wall Breaker was noticeably crueler towards the humans. 

The humans weren't entirely sure why, but they could guess. 

Diamond Tiara, always by his side, was now mysteriously absent. And a human likely had something to do with it. 

He must've been trying to get revenge somehow. 

The humans felt a bit bad for Wall Breaker—in a sick way, him and Diamond Tiara did seem quite close. But they could only spare so much sympathy. She, like him, was a murderer. She had brutally killed many of the humans' friends and family. 

No matter what had happened to her, she was a monster as well.

This change had immediate and obvious repercussions. Wall Breaker began executing humans at the drop of a hat, for crimes no one, even Celestia herself, would have thought worthy. The only thing holding him back was the execution limits—the only rule even the highest echelons of power were held to. No one, under any circumstances, could execute more than a set amount of humans every day. Otherwise, the human gene pool would become stagnant, and Celestia would lose some particularly entertaining toys. Wall Breaker got uncomfortably close to that limit, though, and it seemed that if it were not for that rule, he would have killed all the humans as soon as he could.

Was he capable of it? Of course. Humans had often joked about what would happen if Pinkie Pie chose to use her fourth wall breaking powers for evil instead of good. They, unfortunately, now had an answer—Wall Breaker. 

If he wanted you dead, you would die. It was that simple. 

There was no place you could hide where he could not find you. He could hear your thoughts from a mile away, and pick them up from a thousand similar thoughts. There was no door that could keep him out, no wall that he could not pass through. If you tried to run, he would inexplicably show up at your destination. 

And that was only if he chose to exist in three dimensions at all. He could easily come at you from a paper, a coffee cup, a bucket, or any number of things. 

He wasn't immortal, but as of yet, no one had been over able to discover a weakness in him. Like the other Three, in addition to the powers he had on his own, he had received Celestia's best training in agility and strength. That training made even completely normal ponies nearly invincible—when it was given to the Three, it made them almost gods. 

To mortals, it often seemed like the only difference between Celestia and the Three was that the Three aged.

– – – –

Applejack tried to sleep amidst the barrage of explosions and firepower from outside. It turned her stomach to know that most of that carnage was likely caused by her own handiwork. In fact, it was more than likely—she could clearly hear the distinctive sound of a high-powered flamethrower go off, followed by the even clearer sound, and light, of a nearby building catching fire. 

Inside, people screamed.

She turned in her bed. She tried to close her eyes. But…

Then, she heard something—a tapping, coming from the window. She looked over, and saw a hoof gesturing. Curious, she opened the window, and saw…

"Apple Bloom?"

Apple Bloom deftly jumped in the room and closed the window behind her. She brushed off some dust and ash on her body, and stared at Applejack. It was a much more… worn expression than what Applejack was used to seeing on her sister. She was practically glaring. 

Apple Bloom produced a weapon, something that appeared to be a very gothic taser. 

"Care to explain this?" she said.

Applejack hesitated.

"This is your work, isn't it?" Apple Bloom said. "I can tell. It's got a flamethrower, for one. What's with you and flamethrowers, anyway? Is it because you're orange? But all the extra gears and stuff really gives it away." She looked at Applejack. "Just what are you doing?"

"I…"

"Do you know how many of these things have been hitting the black market lately? And what it's doing for crime around here?" Apple Bloom continued staring at Applejack. "Tell me you have a reason."

"I… I do," Applejack said. "I can explain. Really. It's just… all I can do, honestly. I don't like it either." Applejack stopped before she got too emotional. "You've… you've found something better to do, right? Tell me you have. Cause… I'm not kidding when I say I hate this. I… really do."

Apple Bloom twitched. "Don't… don't try to change the subject," she said. "Applejack… answer me. Now. I want to know. Because I've… I've had to…"

Applejack, once again, hesitated. She knew this moment was going to come eventually. If she made weapons, they would spread. It was naïve to think they would stay within the confines of the human colony.

But something bothered her.

"Apple Bloom," she said, "what are you doing with one of those things?"

Apple Bloom froze. "That's besides the point."

"I know you were going to try to find work in the criminal element of Equestria, but I just thought you meant charities or something…"

"Well, most of them were at least partially funded by the Pear family, so I had to… you know. Lower my standards a bit."

"Apple Bloom?" Applejack spoke slowly and deliberately. "What are you doing?"

Apple Bloom paused, then took a breath. "I'm an assassin."

Applejack stopped.

"You're a WHAT!?"

– – – –

I will never see anything stranger in my life. 

That's what Joe found himself quite often thinking lately. And every time, he was shortly proven wrong. For now, in his kitchen, was an almost adult Apple Bloom, clad in a hood, a couple saddlebags, and an assortment of concealed blades, arguing with her older sister about the ethics of murder. 

And she still didn't have a cutie mark.

A lesser man would have been tempted to describe the scene as strangely adorable.

Joe was a little bit above that, so he kept his mouth shut.

"So how many?" Applejack said. "How many people have you killed?"

"Whatever it is, it can't help but be lower than how many your weapons have killed…" Apple Bloom muttered.

"Just answer me!" Applejack yelled.

Apple Bloom took a second, and closed her eyes. She began mouthing numbers, counting. After a few seconds, she stopped, and looked up. "10 jobs," she said. "One successful."

Applejack continued glaring at her.

Joe, unwisely, intervened. "Well, that means she's only killed one person, right?" he said. "That isn't too bad, right?"

Applejack whipped around at him. "That isn't the point here!" she yelled. "It's… it's just that—"

"…I'm too young and innocent to become an assassin?" Apple Bloom continued. "Is that it? Is that what this is about?"

Applejack hesitated.

Apple Bloom scoffed, and looked at to the side. "Grow up, Applejack," she said. "You know what it takes to survive in this world. You can't protect me forever. Just be grateful I didn't have to resort to becoming a porn star, like Big Mac…"

"He didn't resort to anything," Applejack muttered, but then got back on track. "Okay," she said, "I guess I overreacted a bit. We're both in the same boat, when you think about it, so let's just call a truce, okay?"

Apple Bloom nodded. For some reason, Joe did as well.

"Now, tell me," Applejack said, "who are you working for?" She paused. "It's not for the humans, is it?"

"No, no, of course not," Apple Bloom said, just a little too quickly. "There's humans working for them, but that's it. It's just some… organization that's popped up recently. And they need a lot of personnel. So they'll take just about anyone to be part of their ranks. I thought it sounded perfect, so I joined. I mean, truth is, I'm not even that good of an assassin, but they don't really care. The fact that I'm related to one of you, one of the Elements of Harmony, means a lot more to them."

"Just who is this 'them'?" Applejack said, uncomfortable.

"I… I don't really know," Apple Bloom said. "I'm pretty low ranking in the organization, and it's complicated enough that I'm not entirely sure what's going on most of the time. There are couple things I know for sure, though. 

"One: they're planning something big. Really big. In fact, the first thing they tell anyone joining their ranks is that their goal cannot be completed within anyone's lifetime. They say it will take at least 1000 years to accomplish. 

"Two: whoever is running this organization is extremely good at laundering money. Funding is one of the few things we're not lacking in. Whoever they are, they must have some experience working in—or abusing—finances."

"So you don't even know what this organization is called?" Applejack said.

Apple Bloom shook her head. "Not really," she said. "I'm not even sure it has a name, to be honest."

"And you don't have any idea what their goal could be?"

"Not really," Apple Bloom said. "But, now that you mention it, there do appear to be a lot of scientists on staff…"

A goal that could take a thousand years to complete… one that requires unthinkable amounts of resources… and a large amount of scientists…

Applejack looked at Apple Bloom. "You don't think they're… trying to kill Celestia again, do you?"

"No," Apple Bloom said. "They tell us not to interfere with Celestia's plans in any way if we can avoid it. And they specifically said that was not their goal. I mean, think about what happened to you guys. If that was their goal, no one would get on board. And if they were lying, Celestia would already be sending her forces against us. So I think they're on the level. Of course, she could just be waiting for them to make a mistake, but…"

Applejack thought, and then gave up. "Okay," she said, "it's a bit shady, but then again, what isn't these days? If it's gonna take them that long to do what they want, it's never gonna affect us anyway." She yawned, and looked up. "Besides, we can talk more in the morning. It's getting late." She then noticed the window. "…or, well, it was getting late. Now, it's getting early."

"Sounds fine to me," Apple Bloom said, although she still looked alert. Her eyes darted around the room.

The two walked out the kitchen. 

Applejack thought once again about that organization's goals…

If they weren't trying to kill Celestia…

– – – –

Applejack and Apple Bloom laid groggily on the floor of the living room. 

Well, "living room" might have been a bit too generous. "Living square" would probably have been more accurate. For a human, there wasn't even enough room to stretch out your arms. 

But for a pony, it was merely cramped, instead of suffocating.

They had negotiated, and Joe had, as usual, taken the bed. Even though Apple Bloom was a guest, it still made more sense for her to sleep on the floor. Ponies, being quadrupeds, could curl up and sleep just about anywhere. Beds were just a luxury item. Humans, however, needed flat, soft surfaces to lie on more. So Applejack usually chose to sleep on the floor, even when Joe offered otherwise.

Applejack was nodding off quite quickly, but it seemed Apple Bloom was having problems.

Faintly, Applejack heard the sound of Apple Bloom crying into the covers. It was very quiet, as if she were trying to hide it.

Applejack decided to scoot over, and touch Apple Bloom on the shoulder.

"It'll be all right…" she whispered, almost instinctually.

Apple Bloom, however, immediately tensed up, and rolled away, to be further from Applejack.

Applejack sighed. It was tough, but she expected a response like this. 

Apple Bloom was finally experiencing what it was like to be an independent adult—something she, like all children, highly desired. But that responsibility was likely overwhelming her. And being an assassin must have made it even worse. From what she had said, most of her assignments had been failures, and the few that did succeed she likely wished did not. Even she admitted that the most likely reason she was being kept around at all was as a political pawn. 

She must've wanted to appear strong.

Applejack knew that. 

But that didn't make it hurt less…

– – – –

"Well, I'm off to work," Joe said, holding the door open. "You two have fun catching up and stuff." Waiting a second too long, he closed the door and began walking away.

Apple Bloom stared at the door. "…I'm surprised." 

Applejack looked up. "Why? About what?"

Apple Bloom looked at Applejack. "That you're living with a human."

Applejack laughed. "It'd be stranger if I wasn't living with a human," she said. "Real estate isn't exactly easily available here, so…"

"No, that isn't what I meant," Apple Bloom said. "I mean, you don't have a problem with it?"

Applejack paused. "Not really," she said. "When I came here, I was… prepared to have to deal with humans."

"But you're letting your guard down, I can tell," Apple Bloom said. "The way you two look at each other, the way you interact, it's almost like you're…"

Applejack smiled. "…friends?"

Apple Bloom hesitated.

"It's not anything more than that, I assure you," Applejack said. "But I do trust him. And we do get along. That's more than I can say for a lot of ponies, that's for sure." She looked to the side. "He's alone, just like we are. Most of the humans are, to be honest."

Apple Bloom scoffed. "Alone? How do you know he's alone? He could just be saying that to take advantage of you. To get you on his side. Don't you see that?"

Applejack frowned. "What I see," she said, "is ponies murdering humans on an almost daily basis, using logic like that as an excuse. I don't buy it. I don't think anyone, or anything, deserves to die just because you think they're suspicious."

"But what about Obama!? Don't you remember what he did to us?"

"Obama was a bad apple, even for them!" Applejack yelled. "But he's just one person. You can't condemn an entire species based on the actions of one person. At least I can't." Applejack looked at the side. "Look, I know what I said before. About the humans. How mad at them I was. How I wanted to get back at them. That was true. But this is also true. I changed my mind. I'm the Element of Honesty, and that means I'm going to be honest, not consistent. When I change my mind, I'm not going to hide it. I'm going to say what I feel even if it's not consistent. That's just who I am. Okay?"

Apple Bloom was silent. "It's still… a risk," she said. "You can't deny that."

"You're right. It is a risk," Applejack said. "Joe wasn't exactly my ideal candidate for a roommate. Originally, I wanted to go as safe as possible. I wanted a guy who was completely gay, so I knew he wouldn't try anything with me. And, more importantly, I wanted someone that wasn't interested in horses at all. But… I didn't get a choice in the matter. I got Joe, who I'm pretty sure is neither. I can tell he likes human men and women, and he probably likes ponies… a bit more than the average human. And maybe that extends to me. I don't know. I don't want to, though, and I don't need to. Because I have faith in him. I have faith that he won't let those qualities of himself stop him from being a decent person. Is that a risk? Yes. But it's a risk I'm willing to take. After everything I've been through, I've realized that… dying for having too much faith in the goodness of someone's heart is probably one of the better ways to go."

Apple Bloom was silent once more. She looked away, as if she were embarrassed. "Applejack, I…" she said, and tried to compose herself. "I'm sorry, I just… it's been difficult for me to trust anyone. I've gotten burned, and…"

"It's okay," Applejack said, this time hugging Apple Bloom without much resistance. "That's just my choice. You've still got to make your own. And I don't care what that choice is. I'll still love you."

Apple Bloom was still. "…yeah."

– – – –

The rice fields were probably one of the most illogical parts of the human colony. It was an almost completely useless activity. It would have been more than possible for a team of a couple unicorns to completely duplicate the efforts of all those humans. 

And yet, even before this, the job of tending the rice fields was purely to domain of earth ponies. For that, at least, one could offer a fairly reasonable excuse—earth ponies were better at understanding the land then unicorns, and while slower, the fruits of their labors would inevitably be higher quality. 

But for humans?

There was no such excuse.

And if the two were viewed as equivalent, that could only mean one thing.

It was a desire to make others perform manual labor, not any desire to produce goods, that caused rice farming to be done the way it was.

The humans had reached this conclusion long ago. They didn't like it, but there wasn't anything they could do about it. It was the only way to consistently survive in this world. Anything else was too much of a gamble.

So they toiled away at it, day after day after day.

Joe, in the fields, performing his work almost automatically at this point, wondered. 

Was Bob dead? Did he not make the trip? Or was he somewhere else in Equestria? If he wasn't in the human colony, that meant… he was taking that gamble.

It didn't bode well for them meeting. If he was caught trying to be happy in any way, Celestia would likely kill him—or worse. Like what happened to that serial rapist. 

God, what a sick world this was—where one could feel genuine pity and sorrow for an unapologetic serial rapist. But still, Joe would not wish that fate upon his worst enemy…

He kneeled down in the murky water, breathing heavily. The sun was beating down on him, and he was beginning to get noticeably nauseous from the heat. Unlike on earth, here, it actually was possible to say the sun was hotter today just to spite him. After all, Celestia controlled it completely.

But at the same time… was it? After all, he was nothing more than the tiniest ant to her. No one would do something like that just to spite one ant. 

If there was anyone she wanted to spite… it was the entire world. It was a whim directed at every living thing in the world. 

And in the end, how was that different from the randomness the dictated weather on earth? 

Joe kneeled and caught his breath for about 15 seconds, which was 15 seconds too long. 

Wall Breaker appeared in his reflection in the water, despite not existing in reality. He looked up at Joe, his blue eyes looking even more soulless than they did before. He was actually frowning at him. While that constant toothy smile he had was creepy in its own regard, it only served to make his frowns absolutely terrifying.

"Unauthorized break," he said, and pulled Joe into the water.

– – – –

"Huh," Applejack said, looking out at the night sky. "Joe should have been back by now."

While Apple Bloom's first instinct was to be suspicious, she honestly could not think of anything Joe had to gain by staying late at the rice fields. "Is there anywhere he likes to stop after work?"

"After working 16 hours straight? I don't think so," Applejack said. She lowered her hat. "I have a bad feeling about this. I'm gonna try looking for him. I'm sure you need to be getting back to your place, so I won't—"

"No," Apple Bloom said, going up to Applejack. "I'll help. And then… then I'll go back."

There was a quality in her voice that gave Applejack a bad feeling. 

It sounded like… she was saying that if she went back to that organization now, that would be it. It would eat her up, and she would never return again. 

Or that, if she did return… she would never be the same.

"Thank you," Applejack said, and ran out.

– – – –

The two ran all across town looking for him, but to no avail. The next shift had started at the rice fields, so no one had seen him. And he was not at any of the places where someone would usually go to kill time after work. Applejack even reluctantly checked most of the bars and strip clubs in town to no avail, even though she doubted he would be in there to begin with.

But she did bump into one of his coworkers, who said something that made Applejack's spine tingle.

"You know, it's the strangest thing. I swear, he was just there one moment and gone the next. I haven't seen him since."

A disappearance that seemed almost magic…

Applejack could not help but fear the worst.

– – – –

There was only one person high-level enough that Applejack felt could help her.

"Who's in there?" Apple Bloom said as they stood in front of a noticeably well protected door. It was covered with a large assortment of gears, locks, and what appeared to be some haphazardly drawn magic runes for good measure.

"There's three mayors that run this town," Applejack said. "Two of them are completely crazy. But this one, the third one, has always been the most merciful and friendly of the bunch. They might know what happened to Joe. And they might be willing to help us."

"Yeah," Apple Bloom said, unsure. "But… isn't there an easier way?"

Applejack turned around. "What?"

"Why not ask Twilight?"

Applejack froze.

"She's immortal, right? Or close to it? And she's a princess, right? Doesn't she have the exact same authority Celestia does? So why not ask her for help?"

Applejack looked down. "Apple Bloom…" she said. "Twilight's… I've tried contacting her, okay? And… I don't think she's doing that good. She sounds like she has enough problems of her own to deal with. I can't ask for her help. She's already… given up too much for us. Including mortality itself."

Apple Bloom blinked. "No one knows if she's actually immortal, you know."

Applejack looked away. "Doesn't that sound like Celestia, though?" she said. "To make the worst punishment of all life itself?"

Apple Bloom was silent.

Applejack hurriedly knocked on the door. The two could hear the peephole guard slide open, and an eye look through it. After confirming who was waiting, the peephole guard closed, and the latches came undone. After a while, the center gear turned, and the door slowly creaked open.

In the middle of a spartan room, the masked mayor sat behind a desk.

"Listen," Applejack said, "Joe, my roommate, hasn't come back, and I think—"

Slowly, the masked mayor held up a manila folder.

Applejack's eyes widened. "Wait… you know where he is? You know what happened?"

The masked mayor nodded.

Applejack ran over. "Oh, thank you!" she said. "I don't know how I can ever…"

When she got close to the manila folder, though, the masked mayor suddenly pulled it away. And even completely obscured by the mask, their face looked unusually intense. "One condition," they said.

Applejack knew this wasn't going to end well. "What?"

"Stop making the weapons."

Applejack remembered their words from last time. 

~ ~ ~ ~

The masked mayor stood still. "You do realize," they said, "that eventually, you will help have to help clean up this mess."

~ ~ ~ ~

This must have been their plan all along. They likely did not cause Joe's abduction—but they knew, at some point, Applejack would become indebted to them, and were waiting for the chance to use that condition.

Applejack swallowed. It would be tough, to find a way of living without making those weapons. But her heart knew the answer far before her brain did.

"Okay," she said. She held her hat to her chest. "I'll stop. I promise."

"Wait!" Apple Bloom yelled. "How do you know we can trust them!?"

Applejack looked back. "What choice do we have?"

"But—!"

"No," the masked mayor said, "she's right. We must seal this promise more thoroughly." 

They snapped a finger, and the human attendant, a man in a suit, went and closed the door with a bang.

Then, the masked mayor did what Applejack thought they would never do. They raised their hands and took off the mask.

The masked mayor showed them their face.

Neither Applejack or Apple Bloom were able to glean any information from this. After all, they knew little about humans, and even less about human celebrities. But the symbolic nature of the action meant a great deal to them. Whoever this person was, they had some reason to hide their identity. Some very strong reason. And they trusted them enough to show them that secret.

And then, they did even more. 

They handed the mask to Applejack.

They were giving up that protection.

In that moment, Applejack knew that whether she could trust them in any other regard or not, they were deadly serious about this. 

For that one concession… they were willing to give up everything. 

Applejack tried to think of something of similar value to give up… and then, realized what it was.

Applejack, for the first time in her life, took off her hat, and did not put it back on. She set it on the table in front of her, and took the mask.

"Thank you," she said, in a low voice. She and Apple Bloom ran to the door. The attendant had already opened it a crack, and they ran out. Then, the attendant closed it once more.

He turned to what was formally the masked mayor. "Are you sure about this?"

"Yes," they said. "It's about time I ditched that silly costume anyway. At first, I was worried no one would take me seriously back home if they found out I was in this world. The smear ads would be awful! But now I know the truth. There is no way back home." They stood up. "From this moment forward, I will not let a single thing stand between me and the continued survival of the human race." 

She slammed the table and smiled the grin of a cornered beast. "Prepare yourself, Celestia," she said. "I, Hillary Clinton, will stand in the way of whatever hellish torture you have awaiting us!"

– – – –

The salt fields, or the execution fields, as they were more commonly known, were one of those features that really cemented Equestria's status as an artificial world. Out in the middle of nowhere, they were fields of nothing but arid, cracked land with a small amount of standing water on top, useful for nothing else other than extracting salt. And it was not a small amount of land, either. It was one of the largest continuous sections of land in Equestria—and it was nearly useless. No matter how you added it up, the country, or the entire world, for that matter, did not ever need that much salt. And so it just stayed there, neglected, aside from a few choice purposes. 

One of these purposes was surreptitiously carrying out executions.

It was perfect for that. It was so large that, once in the center, there was no hope of running away; it was completely flat, so there was no chance of hiding; and the water made it nearly impossible to mask your footsteps, in addition to being too dirty to actually drink. 

Celestia had used these fields quite often for her own executions, back in the day, but she had stopped when the construction of the Canterlot Castle was complete, and she had a dungeon at her disposal. There were some times, though, when she did not want to spare space in her dungeon for a given task. 

One of these tasks was executing humans. 

She found them so abhorrent she did not want to waste unnecessary space in her dungeon housing them. She always had a few, for experiments, of course, but that was the limit. It was always just a few. Everything else, she left to the Three.

All of this was detailed in the documents that the Masked Mayor had given Applejack and Apple Bloom. And the paperwork made it extremely clear that Joe had been taken there by Wall Breaker. The cause, was, of course, a very trivial reason—Joe had stopped working in the rice fields for a period of time that could only be measured in seconds. But still, due to the ambiguous, self-contradictory nature of every law Celestia wrote, and the Three's free reign to interpret those laws how they wished, Wall Breaker could easily execute him for that. 

It was obviously unjust. Even Wall Breaker could see that. But he, like many people who had managed to survive under Celestia's rule, had come to idolize that unjustness.

Applejack and Apple Bloom ran through the small forest that surrounded the outskirts of the human colony. As they got further towards the salt fields, the vegetation became noticeably lighter. As they got further, the land became increasingly incapable of supporting life.

It was strange that Celestia didn't do anything about such an inefficient part of the country. It didn't even provide her with any entertainment to leave it there. There were plenty of other more useful secluded spaces, after all—some of her own design. 

Maybe she had sentimental reasons to keep it. 

Or maybe it was beyond even her power to remove it.

Eventually, Applejack and Apple Bloom burst through the last couple remaining plants, and faced the large flat expanse of the salt fields. Their footsteps raised small splashes as they ran across the shallow water. The whole thing extended as far as the eye could see in every direction. The only indication that the Equestria they knew existed was if they looked behind them, and saw the fairly lifeless forest they just exited. Other than that, the only thing that surrounded the salt fields were tall, craggy, sharp mountains. It looked like it was impossible to climb them, or even approach them. It seemed their only purpose was to make the landscape look more intimidating. 

But, in a strange, primal way, in addition to being intimidating… this landscape was also strangely beautiful. The thin water still reflected everything around it in a graceful way, and the faint sunlight made the edges of the field appear to almost be glowing. It was like something out of a dream. 

But, as they kept running further and further, it became obvious that it was not a dream, but a nightmare.

The further they ran into the fields, the more they saw bones. Bones, clearly from many different species. And some… were more than bones. Which was even worse, because in this environment, even flies and maggots hardly had the courage to gather, and the process of decomposition was not allowed to happen like normal. The bodies reached stages they usually could not, because in the outside world, it was rare for a corpse to remain undisturbed for that long. Here, however, it happened with alarming frequency. 

And so, here, every corpse they passed fell on two extremes of a spectrum—either too destroyed to be natural, or too intact to be natural.

They knew the risks going into this, though. They knew that anything this close to Celestia's authority would be brutal and horrifying. They had both comes to terms with that.

Applejack, because she genuinely wanted to save Joe. 

And Apple Bloom, because she wanted to follow Applejack.

But also… she knew. Whatever she saw or did here … could not possibly be worse than what she would have to if she continued working for them.

"Are you sure it's okay?" Apple Bloom said as she ran. "To run across the water like this? Don't you think he'll hear us?"

"It doesn't matter," Applejack said. "He can read minds and tell the future anyway. It doesn't matter how we approach him. We'll be at an equal disadvantage no matter what we do." She looked at Apple Bloom. "You know, you can turn back, if you want. I have my reasons for wanting to do this, but they don't really apply to you. You don't need to take on this risk."

"I know," Apple Bloom said. "But… I also have my reasons for doing this." 

It wasn't clear what she meant by that, but her face was hardened with determination even more than Applejack's, so Applejack didn't question her.

They just kept running. Looking ahead, never looking back, and never looking to the side. They both focused on their goal—a small speck in the distance, surrounded by some other specks, standing right where the sunlight made the water shine the brightest. It was like those figures were standing in a white inferno.

Despite this, though, Apple Bloom's attention briefly wavered, because out of the corner of her eye, she saw a body that should have been impossible. It was mangled almost beyond recognition, but at the same time, it had a figure that difficult to mistake…

"Luna…?"

She pressed on though, brushing that aside.

Probably just a doppelgänger the princesses had tired of.

– – – –

"I believe you all know why you're here," Wall Breaker said, marching around the humans, who were made to kneel in a circle around him. "You have committed crimes. Crimes dangerous to the stability of the human colony—and thus, the world."

In reality, all the crimes these humans had been taken in for were extremely minor. Wall Breaker had to read the footnotes of the footnotes of the laws governing Equestria to find something to take them in for. It didn't really matter what it was—he just needed a pretext, any pretext, for doing this. The actual reason did not matter to him, as long as he could kill more humans.

Someone opened their mouth, as if to speak, and Wall Breaker, without a moment's hesitation, appeared in front of them, slammed their head into the ground, and stomped on it with such force that it split open like a watermelon. That was the kind of strength he had at his disposal, as an earth pony. Blood seeped out from the gory mess, but it quickly dissipated in the water. 

It became increasingly obvious to the other humans why the water here had a slightly pinkish hue.

"Any other questions?" Wall Breaker said.

No one said anything, even though it didn't really matter. In fact, saying something might've worked out better for them. They would get a quick death, like that first person. But still, even in spite of that, the raw primal fear that moment awoke in them prevented them from doing anything but shivering. Doing anything else would have been going against all of their instincts.

Joe continued to look down, as did the others. He knew this day would come eventually. Where, by luck of the draw, he would be executed. It already happened to so many of his friends. Whenever he grew close to someone, they would mysteriously disappear a few months later. That had happened to him many times. It'd probably happened to all the humans. The only reason people like Donald Trump appeared happy in this environment was that they didn't care. For everyone else, it was hell. A hell filled with nothing but fear itself.

Death would be a welcome relief from this hell. Joe had found himself thinking that for a long time now. And now that the moment came, his judgment had not wavered in the slightest. He was ready. His only regret was not being able to say goodbye to Applejack, but she would understand. 

She, of all people, would be able to understand…

At that moment, the humans, and Wall Breaker, heard something they had not expected to.

Hoofsteps. And splashing.

Joe looked up, and his eyes widened.

Wall Breaker had the same expression for a couple seconds, and then smiled. "So, they came after all…"

As soon as Applejack was within earshot, she began screaming, and her stride quickened. "WWWAAAAAAAAALLLLLL BRRREEEEEEAAAAAAAKKKEEERRRRR!"

And then, she ran through the circle and tackled Wall Breaker with all her strength.

He didn't dodge. He just kept smiling. 

"Have you come here to kill me?" he said, sliding against the ground.

"If I have to," Applejack seethed, pinning him down.

Wall Breaker scoffed. "Would you really go to such lengths just to save," he looked at Joe, "it?"

Applejack fumed. "Don't. You. Dare. Call. Him. I—" she said, beginning to raise her for forehoof in an impressive right hook, but then she stopped. 

Her anger stopped, or rather, that passion became something else, and she looked at Wall Breaker's chiseled body with much desire, letting her self-control wane as she—

"Wait!" Applejack said, looking around, confused. "I'm not doing that!"

"You picked the wrong opponent to fight," Wall Breaker said, smiling even wider now.

"Apple Bloom!" Applejack yelled, looking back. "Are you—!?"

But when she looked back down, Wall Breaker was gone. She looked around, and could not see him anywhere else, either. That was, of course, impossible—here, it was impossible to hide footsteps, and there was nothing to hide behind. 

So, what Wall Breaker was doing was, as usual, completely impossible.

"That's right!" he said, as he appeared from somewhere and punched Applejack on the back of the head. "You do know what my power is, right?"

Applejack's face slammed into the ground, not as hard as the human's, but enough to instantly give her a bloody nose and chipped tooth.

Her and Wall Breaker, however, were some of the few ponies strong enough to withstand such a blow while hardly flinching.

Applejack struggled off the ground, and glared at Wall Breaker. From behind him, Apple Bloom slowly snuck up, knife in hoof. It was useless, though—Wall Breaker knocked the knife out of her grasp, making it graze her.

"Have you ever thought about what my name means?" he said.

"Not particularly," Applejack said.

"Well, maybe you should try." He looked up. "What do you think my powers are?"

"You can do what Pinkie Pie can," Apple Bloom said.

Wall Breaker looked back, smiling. "That's right!" he said. "Now, what does Pinkie Pie do?"

Apple Bloom grew hesitant. "I… I don't know…"

Wall Breaker turned to look at Applejack. "Tell me," he said, "have you ever heard of a concept called the fourth wall?"

"What the hay are you—"

Wall Breaker's reflection asked the question again, while his real self stood still. "What is the fourth wall?"

Applejack hesitated. "I think… it's a human concept, right?" she said. "In fiction—or a play, at least—there's three walls visible. But there's a fourth, invisible wall called the fourth wall. That's what the audience is behind. And the actors pretend this wall doesn't exist so the audience members can think they are looking into another world."

"Yes, that's right," Wall Breaker said. "And I'm Wall Breaker the Fourth. I break the fourth wall."

"But that's ridiculous!" Applejack said. "We aren't in a play! We aren't in a work of fiction! This is real life!"

Wall Breaker smiled. "Prove it."

Applejack hesitated. "What?"

"Prove that this world is real," Wall Breaker said, slowly approaching her. "Prove that we aren't just words on a page, or bits flashing around on one of those human's hard drives."

"Prove!? What's there to prove!? Isn't it obvious?"

"It's anything but," Wall Breaker said. "If we were in a work of fiction, we would be written to believe that this is the real world. And this world would be written so that no matter what tests we subjected it to, it would behave as if it were the real world. In fact, the concepts of 'real' or 'fake' would not apply to us. If we were in a book, that would be 'real,' and the world outside would be 'fake.'" 

He started walking around Applejack. "The humans have an interesting concept related to this. The theory of relativity. According to it, there is no such thing as an absolute truth. There is only the truth that is correct based on your current frame of reference. And no possible experiment can prove what frame of reference you are in. It's the same with us. No matter what the structure of the world is, it can be programmed to behave as anything else. There is no experiment, none at all, that could prove what plane of reality we exist on. Because in every case, the author himself could falsify the results!"

"That's insane…" Applejack muttered.

"Is it?" Wall Breaker said, now in her face. "I don't think it is at all. In fact, if you want to prove this world is real, the cards are stacked against you. What's the first step of proving that we are in a work of fiction? Well, proving the existence of other universes where where we could be the work of fiction, for starters. And I believe the humans have provided ample evidence of that. In fact, in their world, there is a work of fiction that has uncanny similarities to our world—the television show they refer to as My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Our world differs in a number of important respects from this work of fiction, but the similarities are too extreme to call it a mere coincidence. It accurately depicts nearly every aspect of this world, down to each individual name and hair color and historical event and everything. The only things that it gets wrong are that which it chooses not to show—the dark side of this world, the real reason that, at first glance, it can seem like a utopia. Who are you to say that woman's doodles, which sparked the idea for that show, did not also call us into being?"

"I… it's…" Applejack glared. "It's not the same. A hideous place like this… goes against everything a show like that was supposed to stand for."

"That's right," Wall Breaker said, pacing. "Some of the differences between our world and that world are also too large to ignore. But, you've failed to take one thing into account." Wall Breaker's eyes widened. "Works of literature can influence each other!"

"What are you saying…?" Applejack said.

"What I'm saying is this," Wall Breaker said. "Someone watched that show. Then they watched another show. And another. And read a book. And another book. And maybe they read some comics too. And then, one day, they decided to combine ideas and characters from all of those works into one. That's the only thing that explains this world completely."

Applejack scoffed. "Ha! Like anyone would do something so complicated—"

"It exists," Wall Breaker said. "The humans even have a name for this phenomenon—'fanfiction.'" He broke out into nervous laughter. "Don't you see!? It's useless. It's all useless. Our world isn't even a legitimate piece of fiction. It's a demented, depraved, bastardized tribute to a children's television show written by a human!"

Applejack huffed. "That isn't true! That can't be—!"

But she was cut off by Wall Breaker breaking out into even more deranged laughter. After he was done, and his voice had finished echoing off the mountainsides, he looked at her, his head cocked to the side, and with a smile wider than what should've been physically possible. "I said 'a human,' but that's a bit ambiguous, isn't it?" he got out in between bursts of giggles. "The truth is, 'a human' is just the name that the human who wrote this story chose to go under, in order to be intentionally confusing." He paused. "Don't you see? I've read the story that called this world into being."

The world seemed to pause for a beat at that statement. Everyone in the vicinity became completely silent.

"You what?" Applejack said, her voice showing more fear than she would've liked.

"That's right," Wall Breaker said, stumbling around erratically. "I used to be just a normal pony in the royal guard. I might have even been a pegasus! I don't even know. My life before that moment is so hazy. But I will always remember that one day with extreme clarity. We were looking through a human's hard drives, seeing if there was anything of worth on them, and then, I saw a suspicious looking text file, so I opened it. What I found in that file would change my life forever. For, when I went to a random place in the middle, I happened upon this very scene!"

Applejack blinked a couple times. "Er, what?"

Wall Breaker pointed at her. "That! That's what it said you'd say right now!" he said. "And then I went on to describe a bunch of things only I would know, like the password to my secret safe, 'Bosco,' that bald spot under my helmet, my brief, heterosexual crush on Rainbow Dash…"

Applejack briefly, but strongly ground her hoof into the ground.

"Applejack briefly, but strongly ground her hoof into the ground!" While Breaker said. "Yes! That's right! It's really happening!" He laughed. "Isn't this incredible!?"

"So this is where your powers come from?" Applejack said. "Because you've read our story in a book?"

"That's right," Wall Breaker said. "I know everything that has happened, is happening, and will happen in this world. Nothing has contradicted that knowledge, and nothing ever will!" He turned to look at Apple Bloom. "Like, right now, you say, 'Is that really true?', and I—"

Apple Bloom blinked. "No I don't."

Wall Breaker stopped. "What?"

"I'm not going to say that."

While Breaker paused. "Er, but—"

"You just told me what to say, so I'm not going to say it," Apple Bloom said. She looked around, a bit nervously. "So, does this mean the universe is going to start blowing up or something?"

Applejack snorted, and then started laughing wildly herself.

Wall Breaker whipped around. "What? What is it? What's so funny?"

"Don't you see? Apple Bloom just proved me right! Sort of," Applejack said. "Even if you're right, she just proved that we have some amount of free will on our own, right? She directly contradicted what the story said, right? So, that can only mean one thing. That story is just one way things could have happened. If we make a different choice, based on the knowledge of, say, that we are inside a story, the original story no longer applies. In other words…" She smiled. "From this moment forward, all your knowledge is useless."

Wall Breaker stumbled back in shock, and Apple Bloom took advantage of the opportunity to throw a knife at him.

Finally, a blow landed. It cut Wall Breaker's face quite deeply, and then fell to the ground. Blood seeped out from the cut and dripped into the water. Wall Breaker's smile dissipated as he realized what happened.

"You… you…" he seethed, clutching his face. "You actually… nevermind." He started laughing again. "I'll show you what a mistake that was."

Applejack charged at him. "The jig is up, Wall—"

Wall Breaker smiled again, and turned to Applejack. "Oh, is it?" he said. "I don't think so. There's one thing you haven't taken into account."

"And that is!?"

"I'm one of Celestia's finest. I never depended completely on my foreknowledge."

And then, right as Applejack was about to hit him, he suddenly sunk into the water, leaving not a trace.

The water was, of course, not even an inch deep.

Applejack looked around nervously, wondering where on earth Wall Breaker could have been.

Applejack blinked. "What?"

Sweat beaded down her brow. She began to get discouraged. Against Wall Breaker's unique abilities, this battle was beginning to seem hopeless.

"Stop that," Applejack said, nervously.

It would just be easier if I gave up, Applejack thought. After all, I've been useless. I failed to protect Joe. I failed to protect Apple Bloom. I failed to protect my family. I'm a failure. 

I'm useless. 

Useless. 

Useless.

Useless.

Useless.

Applejack clutched her ears. "Stop that!" she yelled. "Get out of my head!"

"Applejack?" Apple Bloom said, confused. She couldn't hear anything.

Then, the reflection of all the water around them became filled with a giant image of Wall Breaker's face. "Don't you see?" he said, his voice booming and echoing off for miles in the distance. "When I read that story, I got more than foreknowledge. The knowledge I gained from it—that we were in a work of fiction—let me sense things that I previously could not. Like narration. Like any work of fiction, this world is controlled by a constant stream of text. A stream I have almost complete control of. If it can be described in text, I have complete power over it."

Suddenly, as if it were a jump cut in a movie, without any intermediate motions at all, Wall Breaker appeared holding Apple Bloom's knife to Joe's head. "Things are looking pretty hopeless, aren't they!?" he yelled. Then, he noticed Applejack and Apple Bloom tense, and waved the knife around some more. "And don't either of you think about trying anything! I'll cut him. You know I will." He smiled. "And I know enough about your characters to know you can't risk that. The world may be different from that story now, but everything from the past still applies, and that still gives me an advantage. So, why don't you just give up?"

Applejack and Apple Bloom just stood there, angry for a couple seconds. 

And then, Applejack had an idea.

"Anything that can be represented in text, huh…?" she muttered.

Wall Breaker's ears perked. "What are you saying?"

Applejack's eyes narrowed. "So," she said. "Does that mean your one weakness is things that cannot be represented in text?"

Wall Breaker snorted. "Idiot! Everything can be represented in—"

And with that, Applejack suddenly burst into the first song she could think of.

"99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer!
Take one down and pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on the wall!

98 bottles of beer on the wall, 98 bottles of beer!
Take one down and pass it around, 97 bottles of beer on the wall!

97 bottles of beer on the wall, 97 bottles of beer!
Take one down and pass it around, 96 bottles of beer on the wall!

96 bottles of beer on the wall, 96 bottles of beer!
Take one down and pass it around, 95 bottles of beer on the wall!

95 bottles of beer on the wall, 95 bottles of beer!
Take one down and pass it around, 94 bottles of beer on the wall!

94 bottles of beer on the wall, 94 bottles of beer!
Take one down and pass it around, 93 bottles of beer on the wall!

93 bottles of beer on the wall, 93 bottles of beer!
Take one down and pass it around, 92 bottles of beer on the wall!

92 bottles of beer on the wall, 92 bottles of beer!
Take one down and pass it around, 91 bottles of beer on the wall!

91 bottles of beer on the wall, 91 bottles of beer!
Take one down and pass it around, 90 bottles of beer on the wall!

90 bottles of beer on the wall, 90 bottles of beer!"

Then, she stopped, and the landscape fell into an entirely less eerie silence than before.

"…with all due respect, Celestia, you really made a mistake when you banned her from apple farming…" Wall Breaker said, scratching his ears. He glared at Applejack. "But despite what you might think, rupturing my eardrums is not going to—!" 

He then suddenly noticed he had no hostage. 

He looked behind him, and saw Apple Bloom carrying him off some distance away, followed by, hesitantly, some of the other humans.

His mouth hung open. "Wha…!? Bu…!?"

"Music," Applejack said, smiling. "That's the one thing that cannot be completely represented in text. You can write down the lyrics, sure, but the notes, the tone, and the delivery? You can represent those with a musical score, but certainly not in prose. And that's where your abilities lie, isn't it?" She took some steps towards Wall Breaker. "So, of course, you also must know that, when a song appears in a work of fiction, it completely overtakes the scene—and there is no other narration."

Wall Breaker stood there, silently fuming for a bit, but he could not argue against what clearly had just worked. He could, however, put an end to this nonsense as quickly as he could. "Oh, to hell with it," he said, his voice an angry whisper. "I'm done playing Mr. Nice Guy. I don't care if the rating of this story has to be raised to Mature."

Quicker than Applejack could blink, he sunk into the water again and reappeared in front of Apple Bloom and the others. Immediately, he punched Apple Bloom and Joe far apart, his forelegs stretching out at least five times their normal length.

Right before Apple Bloom hit the ground, though, he materialized behind her and hit her again, with enough force to send her even faster in the other direction.

"Apple Bloom!" Applejack said, running to her as quickly as she could.

He continued this a few more times from different sides, and the force of his punches made Apple Bloom fly with much more velocity than she should've been able to build up in that space. She was an earth pony, but she was young, and hitting the ground that the speed would surely kill her.

The humans seemed just as shocked at the scene than Applejack, but they quickly came to their senses. A group of three people ran over to where they thought she would land and extended their arms. 

Apple Bloom's eyes widened as she realized what they were doing. "No, wait—!"

But it was too late. She slammed into them at a very high speed, knocking them all to the ground with the force of a speeding train. The force of the impact killed the first two, and left the third human barely alive, but they had succeeded in their goal. They considerably softened Apple Bloom's blow. 

She hit the ground with merely a fractured skull and all her ribs broken, as opposed to instantly being pulverized.

"APPLE BLOOM!" Applejack screamed, reaching her a second too late. Running faster wouldn't have helped, though—the entire scene took place in little more than 15 seconds. Applejack had not been slow at all. The only reason the humans had been able to do anything to help Apple Bloom was that they had started out closer to her.

Apple Bloom seemed lost for words, and not just because of her injuries. "You…" she said, staring at the human who was still alive, able to move her eyes, but not her head, "you… you didn't… you didn't have to…"

"It's… okay…" the human got out. "You… inspired us… all of us." She coughed. "Hah… Friendship… is magic… right?"

The human was abruptly cut off, though, by Wall Breaker stomping on and bursting her head, as he had done to the first one. "How touching," he said, his white fur stained with blood. He might've cared about that before, and considered it somehow ungraceful, but now, he was beyond that. He was beyond shame. "That's right. I'm a pretty edgy villain, aren't I?" he said, once again, appearing to look at nothing in particular. "That's what you all like, right? Edgy villains? And what's more edgy than someone that kills a lot? No one's done that before, right!?" He laughed, although it came out more like a high-pitched screech. "See!? See!? I can do more than break the fourth wall! I'm not a flat character at all! No! I'm not! Not at all! I do other things! Like screw fillies! Like Diamond Tiara! Isn't that original!?"

Applejack was lost for words. Almost. "You… demon."

"In this world, it's the opposite, though, isn't it?" Wall Breaker said. "I'm the normal one. You, for having any morals at all, are the demon!"

Applejack readied herself. He was just talking incomprehensible gibberish again. And they had found some of his weaknesses. She inhaled…

"Hot girls we have problems too!
We're just like you!
Except we're hot, hot, hot, hot!
The world needs to open their eyes, and real—!"

But then, Applejack stopped when she noticed that Wall Breaker was no longer there.

Instead, Apple Bloom's knife now hovered in the air above her chest, Wall Breaker's face in its reflection.

"That won't work twice!" he screeched. "The first time, you caught me off guard, but now, I see that strategy gives me advantages too! If a song stops the normal flow of narration, that means I can just do anything I want offscreen!"

Applejack could figure out whether that made any sense later. "NO!" she screamed, and lunged for the knife.

But then, while in midair, someone grabbed the knife, making Applejack hit the ground. She looked up.

Joe was standing above her, holding the knife.

"J-Joe…" she got out.

Joe held the knife up, and stared at it. "I break the knife in half," he said. "I break you in half."

He then grabbed both ends of the knife, pulled down, and made the blade shatter.

Wall Breaker materialized a couple feet away, but he was too late. His body had a massive gash in the middle, and he laid there, wheezing, as most of his blood trickled out.

Applejack looked between Joe and the knife. "Wha…?"

"For a normal person, the difference between a knife and themselves would be very large," Joe said. "But Wall Breaker's powers work on narration. And in narration, the only difference between him and that knife was a single word—especially after he merged himself with it."

Applejack had… 

pity… 

me… 

save…

Applejack looked over at Wall Breaker's mangled body, her brow furrowed.

She… save… 

no… not… weak…

Applejack decided to ignore Wall Breaker for now, and attended to Apple Bloom, who wasn't doing so well herself.

"Apple Bloom…" Applejack said, leaning over her.

Apple Bloom turned her eyes to Applejack. "I… I don't think… I'm going to make it out of this one…" she said, smiling bitterly.

Applejack choked, and tears formed in her eyes. "I know. I know…" she said. "I'm sorry. You should have…"

"No, no…" Apple Bloom said. Her smile became more peaceful now. "This… this is what… I wanted…"

"What?"

"After everything… I've been through… I've… I've realized… that dying… for having too much faith… in the goodness… of someone's heart… is probably one of… the better ways to go. That's what… you said… right?"

Applejack was silent.

"You know… why I was always… obsessed… with finding my cutie mark? Because… I wanted… to break… the curse. I wanted… to never… get a cutie mark… in apples." Her eyes looked down at her flank. "And I guess… I succeeded, right? I succeeded… at my one goal… in life. And I never… became… a monster… to do it." 

Her eyelids began to droop. 

"So… don't worry, Applejack…" she said. "I'm… happy."

And with that…

Her eyes closed for the last time, and the life faded from her smile. But still, even in this moment, it appeared… she was in peace.

But immediately afterwards, sparkles of light gathered around her flank, and it appeared. A picture.

A picture of a single apple.

Did it mean that, in her final moments, she became a true Apple by the sheer force of her will? 

Or was it one last sneer from Celestia, in an attempt to desecrate the dead?

Regardless, Applejack knew that Apple Bloom never would have wanted that mark there, and she screamed. She let out a roar that echoed across the landscape far more than any sound Wall Breaker was able to produce, and she clawed away as that cutie mark with her bare hooves, trying to erase it with her brute strength. But after a few seconds, she knew. She knew she couldn't. 

She couldn't destroy her sister's corpse like that!

Finally, she collapsed against her, sobbing and wailing. 

And then, she felt a set of hands press against her neck.

"W-Wha… bu…!?" she said, struggling against Joe's iron grip. But then, she looked into his eyes, and realized that it was not Joe who was strangling her.

"Joe is Joe. Joe is Wall Breaker," he said with that unmistakable sleazy smile. "It's only a difference of one word. And in my state of desperation, I'm capable of anything!"

Applejack struggled more, in vain.

"Don't worry," he said. "I don't have the strength to kill you. I just wanted to get the last word."

"Wha—?"

"You changed the story a little bit by defeating me like this," he said. "But this was a very, very inconsequential chapter in the story. Nothing we did here today had any effect on the fate of this world. I know the future, and I'll tell it to you, because I know it will torment you more than anything you've done to me!"

Joe's possessed face came close to her ear, and whispered.

"The apocalypse is coming. You can probably guess who destroys the world. And guess what? Every single one of your friends will play a part in it. They… will be monsters. You think you've seen it all? You've seen nothing. Even compared to me, they will become hideous beings beyond comprehension. The only exception… will be you. The only one without guilt… will be you. Because your fate will be to watch helplessly as the sky crumbles!"

Joe, and Wall Breaker, began to laugh, but Wall Breaker began to lose his hold. Not before getting in one last stab, though. Right as his control slipped, he instantly made Joe's chest collapse in on itself, killing him instantly.

Applejack fell to the ground, and loudly gasped for air. She looked around wildly, but could not see Wall Breaker's corpse anywhere. He must have…

Dammit. 

There was no one left. 

Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!

She hit the ground over and over, but nothing happened. She knew nothing would happen. And yet… no. Every single thing she had left to live for had been destroyed in a flash.

How would she…?

And then… she heard a noise.

It was unlike any noise she had heard. At first, it was hard to hear, but as the seconds passed, it grew louder and clearer. It sounded like some kind of groan—no, like metal. It sounded like metal rubbing on metal. 

No… she knew that sound. 

It was a key. 

A key rubbing against metal.

And as the sound grew louder, something else also became clearer. A shape manifested itself on the water. At first, it began as a light, but as it pulsed in and out, its edges became more defined, and Applejack could see that in reality, it was a box. 

A box that with each pulse, became more and more blue, until finally, with a thud, it finally completely materialized, and she could read the text on top.

Police Box.

The door of this box creaked open, and out stepped a grey pegasus with blonde hair, her eyes wrapped in a thick layer of bandages. But, even though those bandages completely blocked her vision, it was unsettlingly clear that she was looking directly at Applejack—no, into Applejack, as no mortal pony should have been able to.

"Would you like a chance," she said, in a deep, British accent, "to save the world?"

– – – –

Wall Breaker laid on the ground, wheezing, slowly crawling ahead, even though he knew it was probably futile.

Then, he saw her.

"You!" he said. "You're here! You're here for me! God! You're here for me!"

Pinkie Pie got off the rock and slowly walked towards what was left of Wall Breaker.

"Tell me," he said, "what do you see? You can see more than me, can't you? I can just see the story… just one possibility… but you can see the universe, can't you?"

Pinkie Pie continued walking slowly. "Why do you look up to me?" she said.

Wall Breaker paused. "Aren't you supposed to tell a joke? That's what you do, right? You tell jokes?"

"They only seem like jokes," Pinkie Pie said. "Answer me."

"Because you know everything."

"And why is that a good thing?"

"It makes you different."

Pinkie Pie smiled, but it was a hollow smile. "Knowledge is worthless," she said. "I am worthless."

Wall Breaker gaped. "What? Why?"

"I have one purpose in this world," she said. "To kill."

Wall Breaker laughed. "Come on. You say that like it's a bad thing!"

Pinkie Pie stopped, and looked down upon him. "You're sick. Your knowledge was a mistake. It's time to erase you."

Wall Breaker's eyes widened. "What? Erase? You couldn't do that! You're too nice!"

"I have no free will," Pinkie Pie said, raising her hoof, "and I'm acting on a higher authority than my own."

"Princess Celestia?"

"Even higher."

She lowered her hoof into his head and crushed his brain. He died instantly, and with hardly a sound.

Pinkie Pie lifted her hoof outside his head and took a deep breath.

Discord appeared. "You didn't need to be so humane about it. Wasn't he, as you so often put it, a 'demon'?"

Pinkie Pie glared. "Go to hell."

"I am hell. That's what some people have called this world, right?"

Pinkie Pie scoffed. "The will of a universe… in a physical body," she seethed. "I still can't believe you did something like that. All just to bring forth that horrible future."

"I don't understand."

"Of course you don't. And that makes you a monster." Pinkie Pie glared. "If you ever show your face in this world again while I'm alive, I will kill you."

"You can't do that."

"I am the Weapon. You designed to me to be able to kill anything and anyone. Try me."

Discord blinked.

Then he disappeared.

Pinkie Pie began walking back to Ponyville.

"Now just to wait… for my final duty."