One Punch Equestria

by Iolaus


One Punch Kevin

"For countless thousands of years I slumbered under this new land. “Harmony” and “friendship” are but foreign concepts to me. These ponies so shamelessly flaunt these idealistic views, as if it gave them any right to this world! Territory should be fought over with blood and fire, not petty friendship!"

A burgundy horn smashed through a large skyscraper, the sheer force of the attack cracked the nearby buildings in the modern looking city as the destroyed skyscraper flew across the cityscape. Screams were heard from the residents of the city as the shadow of the monster fell over them, various colored ponies, griffins, minotaurs, and the all the other species of the world ran down the streets in a panic. Stray rubble even nearly crushing an unlucky few.

"I buried myself, weary and tired from the fighting I had done in the past. But these insignificant fools expanded too greedily. Too fast. The territory above the earth belongs to me, the mightiest of the world’s living beings. And they dare try to take that from me?"

"Fools!"

Insectoid legs stomped through the large city, mighty earthquakes following in its wake. The monster attached to them towered over even the largest of buildings. Suddenly, the monster stopped, turning its humongous head to the right and setting its gaze upon the rest of the metropolis. Rows of skyscrapers and heavy built buildings dotted the land, a sight that left a bad taste in the monster's mouth. The shining evening sun Celestia rose and lowered each and every day didn’t seem to bother its eyes.

"These ponies awakened me, the mighty Lord Three Horns! I will-"

“Oh cool! A three-horned rhinoceros beetle! I haven’t seen one of those since I was a kid! I loved catching them!”

The sound of a voice caught Lord Three Horns’ attention, he swept his gaze down and was met with the sight of… something standing on top of a building across from him. It did not look like the usual inhabitants of this world, more like a deformed version of another species Lord Three Horns did not care to remember. It did not look impressing, its yellow jumpsuit, red gloves and boots, and white cape did not help its harmless appearance. It was also bald.

“Ah man! And I totally forgot my net…” The new creature scratched its head, “Though, now that I think about it, I don’t have a bug cage big enough for you… Or one at all really.” The strange creature rested two of its claws on its chin, looking Lord Three Horns over, it seemed to be sizing the bug monster up.

"Who are you, worthless vermin? Do you dare try and stop my righteous warpath? My quest to destroy those who would dare wake me up from my well deserved rest? Do you know what it’s like to suddenly wake up from a loud noise and barely getting a wink of sleep?! I single handedly conquered this world, no other could challenge me. Even the ancient dragon warriors could not hold a candle to my being, the mere sight of my majestic form sends them running to their hatch-mother. And now some insignificant runt of a mammal would even try and stand in my way?"

“Ah right!” He rested his fist in the palm of his hand, as if just realizing something. The strange creature suddenly adopted a serious look, placing his fist in between him and Lord Three Horns, and smirked at the larger being, “My name is Kevin. A soon to be professional hero in the making!”

Lord Three Horns laughed, the force of which created a shockwave that destroyed the nearby buildings around him.

"You? A Hero? Don’t make me laugh-"

Lord Three Horns was cut off as his front half promptly exploded into a shower of insect gore. Kevin had rocketed from his place on the building he stood upon, flying through the explosion as he reached higher into the air, fist raised. He fell back down to the ground and casually dusted himself off as the other unexploded half of Lord Three Horns’ body fell down after being separated from its better half. The chitinous backside of Lord Three Horns slammed down on another, less ruined, part of the city with its blood nearly flooding the area.

Kevin stood up straight with a smile, not even looking at the destruction he accidentally caused, “Well. My work here is done. Better hurry up though, it’s a super bargain day at the supermarket across the stre-” The newly dubbed Kevin stopped short as he looked across the street, a horrified expression slowly dawning on his face.

He fell to his knees and grabbed his shiny head with his hands as the horrid sight of the ruined and collapsed supermarket building entered his mind, he let out a desperate cry into the heavens, “Noooo! Damn it, I don't have the bits for full priced groceries right now!”

He fell forward, catching his body with his hands, "Damn it." He clenched his hands into fists, dragging concrete with them. He whispered quietly to himself, a lonesome tear falling to the ground, "I won't have the bits necessary until I get work at the association. Who knows how long it'll take until the exams open up again?!"


"Yes ma'am, the monster wrecking havoc in the Fillydelphia province was neutralized," a sharp looking unicorn pony said. His black business suit pristine and dark shades over his eyes. An earpiece was connected to a device snapped to his collar. Several other similarly sharply dressed ponies of various species lined the walls of the dark, nearly bare room that was lit with only the light of several monitors lined on the walls in front of a large swivel chair.

"I see," a female voice coming from the large swivel chair said, it was turned so its back faced the unicorn and the pony in it faced the monitors. A table was between the talking pony and the as of yet unknown boss, it was stacked with many different comic books. The Power Ponies were among the most prominent. "Do we know who or what did it? I was told that the giant monster resembled an ancient myth. Lord Three Horns, I believe?"

"Yes ma'am, you are correct. We have reports coming in from the city, it was even loudly proclaiming its name as the citizens fled out of its way."

"Hmm," the voice was silent. Then she spoke back up, "You still didn't answer my other question Fine Thrust. Do we know who did it? Was it one of the S-class heros?"

Fine was silent, he bit the bottom lip of his snout before saying, "No, Princess Luna. We have no idea who or what could have taken this beast out. There were other reports mentioning that the monster seemed to be talking to somepony, but was... violently interrupted." He levitated a piece of paper up, "According to this he, and I quote, 'Seemed to explode'. A few reports from various pegasi did confirm a figure flying through the hole in its chest though, but nopony saw in detail who did it. Just a, 'mysterious black blob of some kind and a weird shining light coming from it'."

The Princess sitting in the swivel chair clicked her tongue in thought. "It must have been far if even pegasi couldn't see any detail." she muttered under her breath. "Not even Minotaurs? They have good eyesight as well," she said.

"No ma'am, not even them."

She turned her chair around and rested her front two hooves on the surface of the table, the Princess was a dark blue alicorn with a starry and ethereal mane, a dark blue tiara rested just above her horn, "Get my sister on the line. Perhaps in my thousand year long absence she could have some information on who or what could have done this. If the lines are busy tell them I personally need to speak with her immediately, it's of the upmost urgency."

The unicorn, Fine Thrust, bowed his head at the alicorn across from him, "By your leave Princess Luna."

As he turned and trotted out the automatic doors, Princess Luna hummed to herself. "Things are getting interesting. How will the heros of the organization handle things?"


Three years ago…

“As you can see we, Limitless Technologies, have always looked to better humankind with our state-of-the-art research laboratories. Just a few months ago we here at Limitless Technologies decided to unveil our newest creation, what we lovingly dubbed ‘The Dream Machine’. And we opened up a contest for that lucky person that gets to try it out.” The scientist on the TV screen said into the interviewer’s microphone, he was a handsome blonde haired man with hazel eyes. A standard scientists coat on him. Scientists and other workers could be seen running around the lab in the background.

Kevin, a young asian-american with brown hair and eyes, eagerly sat at the edge of his seat in the living room of his apartment. He had managed to enter his name into the contest, a feat that required stalking the website with all the needed information on hand. He licked his lips as he watched the live program in front of him, he knew what he wanted if he won.

“So, for our audience Mr. Hadger, can you explain again what this mysterious machine of yours does?” The unseen interviewer said before placing the microphone back in front of the scientist.

He chuckled, “Phillip is fine. As for your question, I’d be happy to!” Phillip smiled at the camera, “Our new machine uses advanced equations and the tapping into new limitless energy supply we had made a few years ago, plus some other things we needn’t go into right now to save some time, to scan the person’s mind. During the scanning process, the person inside the machine’s chamber will think about what they’d like to come true.”

He paused dramatically, “Whether it’s giving you a new car, or even a superpower. Whatever it is, the machine can grant it.”

The interviewer pulled the microphone back, “But, as many have brought up as a concern, what about if the person chosen has any nefarious wishes. Like world domination, or even destruction?”

Phillip held out a hand, “Not to worry! While we do want the lucky winner to have as much freedom as possible, we understand the risks of the wrong person being brought up. Which is why we have many failsafes and reliable countermeasures put in place during the scanning process. We can determine and stop the bad wishes before they are even granted.”

“Get to the winner!” Kevin yelled, growing impatient.

“But, I’m sure you must be tired of me just rattling on. How about we get this thing underway?” Phillip said, winking at the camera and pointing a finger.

“Yes!”

Phillip pulled up a folded up piece of paper, he unfolded it and read, “The winner of the contest is… Kevin Akiyama! From Houston, Texas. Oh, and please don’t forget to bring proper identification Mr. Akiyama. The list of needed materials shall be emailed to you shortly, and congratulations! Now the location is...”

Kevin barely heard him, and barely remembered the place he had to go, he was too busy jumping up and down in glee. Only the irritated yelling of his neighbors and a few slamming on the walls made him quiet his celebrating. Kevin smiled, this was a once in a lifetime lucky break in his life. He wasn’t even able to sleep thanks to his giddy mood.


A week later Kevin found himself in the building Limitless Technologies owned. After showing his proper identification, driver’s license, birth certificate, social security, they were very thorough, Kevin was lead by a scientist to the room where the machine was set up. There was a pod like container with a glass window on it’s front. Inside the pod was a helmet with wires extending to the tip of the pod that faced the roof. A large lever was connected to it’s side. Next to it was a large rectangular, metallic box. Kevin figured that was where most of the machine was located. Monitors connected to that box, two scientists were already prepping it.

The scientist that lead Kevin there left, leaving him awkwardly standing in place. He jumped when a hand clasped itself on his shoulder. “Nervous?”

Kevin looked behind him and saw the same scientist that was on TV, Phillip. He grinned, “Yeah, a little.”

Phillip chuckled, “Don’t worry. This is completely safe, why don’t you step inside the pod over there and we’ll get you started. The sooner the better right?”

Kevin nodded and slipped inside the pod, “Like a bandaid.”

“Exactly.” Phillip put the helmet in place, strapping it under Kevin’s chin. He stepped back and seemed to look over everything. Phillip nodded to himself and closed the pod door. “This will be over quickly.” He said, voice muffled slightly by the door.

Kevin nodded at him, Phillip said something to the other scientists and waited for a signal. He seemed to get one as the pod glowed inside, he looked back at Kevin and said, “Have fun kiddo. Equestria is a great place to do things like this. I might even visit you sometime.”

“What-” Kevin was cut off as Phillip pulled the lever down and the world turned white for Kevin.


Kevin woke up with a start, he was laying down in what looked like a park of some kind.

“Wha?” He looked frantically to his right and left. He rested his head in a palm, “What the hell happened?”

He felt tired even though he just woke up, he was busy rubbing his head when a slightly squeaky voice said, “Hey, never seen something like you before. What in Equestria are you? You a mister or a sister?”

Kevin’s head fell down a bit as it slipped from his palm. “What kind of question is that you brat? Of course I’m a-” He stopped his soon to be rant short as he eyed the new creature in front of him.

It was a tiny foal that looked suspiciously like it came from My Little Pony. Kevin himself didn’t feel strongly one way or another about the show, but he did watch it so he’d be able to have a conversation about it with his friends. Being the only non-brony in his circle that didn’t have a clue about what was being said would make things uncomfortable when the topic rose up.

“Sheesh, don’t blow a fuse. I was just asking you whatever-you-are.” The foal in front of him bounced a ball with a tiny hoof. He was a light greyish blue, his mane a dark blue. He was also butt ugly and had a huge cleft chin that looked completely unsightly on anything resembling equine form.

“Wait a second… Is this the-?” Kevin’s thoughts were interrupted as a roar was heard. A nearby brick wall that boxed in the park exploded, and a shadowy figure slowly walked through the dust that looked much too heavy to come from something like a brick wall.

“Luna damn you kid… You’ll pay for what you’ve done!” The monster roared.