Wait a minute!
Now I know to anyone reading this journal, it might seem a bit odd to cut out of the start of an epic pounding scene, but just to let you know...
You left the stove on.
----
*ZAP* I couldn't move.
"It is sooo amusing to watch you squirm." Chrysalis trotted forwards. "I do admit, it is rather satisfying to see prey under the hoof of predators." The bug stamped into my chest, cracking a rib or two, before fading into darkness
Ow.
Through the pain, I gained a new focus. The adrenaline stored in my system kicked in, and the pain, although it was still present, was numbed heavily.
"Are you ready to accept your fate, Ape?" She called out, her voice splitting off in several directions.
"Not yet." I set the entire floor on fire, revealing her and pushing her into the air. As soon as I had a lock on where she was, I shot a firebolt. Instead of dodging, she caught me off guard by curling it back around and sending it towards me with exact precision.
I absorbed it back into my body, suprising her.
"You are a rather accomplished mage aren't you? It took my years to figure out how to bring magic back into myself."
I've said it before, I'll say it again, I'm a fast learner." I was running on empty, trying to re-absorb heat from the room, not getting much, we were far up enough for it to get cold, the atmosphere was getting thinner.
With unimaginable speed, she shot towards me, charging me.
I barely dodged, the tip of her horn grazing my skin as she tried to slice with it. Not a second had passed and she had charged up another paralysis spell, I knew I wouldn't have time to dodge, so I tried to parry the shot off to a wall, using magic to bend it's path as it struck.
One of the honeycomb structures blew apart as the bolt impacted, sending debris flying everywhere. Picking up a cracked piece, I tossed it at the Queen.
With a flick of her head, and a light green tinge of magic, she atomized it.
"Do you see how pathetic you truly are?" She grabbed a larger piece, around the size of a small car, and lobbed it at me far harder. "Struggling." It smashed into the wall, and I barely got away from it without being smashed to a pulp. "Weak."
'John!'
I was so focused on what was happening, Lavan was barely noticeable.
I felt a drip of sweat slowly make its way down from my forehead.
I could hear the cracking of the rubble under my feet, and under her hooves.
"You didn't even realise who you were up against until now. I am Chrysalis, the Queen of the Changelings, and I shall be forever heralded as the one who put the ponies, and all those other inferior species in their place..." She laughed as she threw me against a wall opposite to Helix. "Beneath us!"
The impact had broken my left leg, and I felt a searing pain when she pulled me back towards her on it.
"AAAAGHHHHH! YOU FUCKING CRAZY BITCH!" I yelled. As she pulled me back, I reached out and found a sharp piece of stone, trying to slash at error with it, I hit my mark, although not very effectively.
Chrysalis was now sporting a small gash on her cheek where the rock had grazed her. She inspected the wound with a hoof, seeing the green blood on it, she scowled, putting pressure on my broken leg. "Look what you've done!" She showed me the blood soaked hoof. "You will beg for mercy before me."
"Go fuc-AHHHHHHHH!" I screamed out, hearing a nasty crunching as my leg broke further down the shin.
"Beg." It was not a request, it was an order, and I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of obedience.
"I won't. Not to anyone. Not ever." She was amused.
"Humor me, then. Why not?" She smiled, a look of pure sadistic pleasure plastered on her face. Her left hoof still pressing firmly into my now twice broken leg.
"You aren't trying hard enough..." I joked weakly. My response was a jet of pain, injected into my spine.
I screamed so loud my voice ran dry.
"I will ask again: Why do you not beg, Ape? You are lucky I am so curious, otherwise you would already be the larvae's next meal."
"Because-." Every word, every breath had become a struggle now, my vision was hazy, my hearing muffled.
She laughed raucously, "Go on..." She teased the same pain back into my spine.
"Be-cause." I could hardly speak, "Helix is right behind you..." I whispered, my eyes slowly closing as I let the pain overtake me. She twisted her head around, looking at Helix's still unconscious form. "Ha-ha... Made you look..." I choked out weakly.
"I'm not done with you yet." I heard, as she shocked me back up to consciousness before doing that horrifically painful shit to my back. I couldn't even scream. I could only cry silently as tears dripped down my cheeks, and I yelled out in complete silence.
I was pathetic. I had never felt weaker than I had than in the prescence of that whore, she had tried taking me apart.
I would not be torn.
"Any last words?" I asked her.
She smirked at my choice of phrase. "Before you die, know that your friends can't help you. Anything on the other end?" She mocked.
"Expect the unexpected." She looked confused.
I let off a final bolt of fire, the last of my magic ebbing away. The resulting hit had seared off her left wing, leaving a stub in its place.
She yelped, slamming me back into the wall several times.
Ribs.
Right leg.
Arms.
All broken.
Once she was done, she was seething and her left eye was visibly damaged. Shaking with rage. "Wise words, I'll make sure to write it down." Those were her last words to me.
I closed my eyes, waiting for the spell that would end my life...
*Shlick* the sickening sound of flesh giving way echoed around my damaged cranium.
Chrysalis stood there, blinking rapidly, frothing at the mouth slightly.
It took me a second to realise that she was frothing her own blood, as it tried to escape through her mouth.
"You know..." the distinct voice of Helix called out from behind her, as a jade glow encompassed a shard of rock, now embedded in her neck. "...I always wondered how Queens bled." I could barely move. "I thought it would be different, but..." the male changeling shrugged.
"You..." She coughed up.
Helix locked a hoof into one of the holes on her horn, and had another one keeping her head in place. Then he snapped it. A couple black shards dropped to the ground, and Helix chucked me the horn.
"Yes, tis' I fair... well actually, unfair lady." Helix ripped the makeshift shank from her neck. "I have come to slay the fearsome beast, who lives in the tallest tower. It just so happens that YOU are the beast." He dragged her back to the balcony. She howled out, scraping at the floor, trying to tell him to stop.
"Plesh, I-iyl d' anefin!" She croaked, obviously missing a few vocal chords.
"Good." Helix said to her face, the colour still barely in her eyes and he carelessly hurled her from the balcony.
A few seconds after he muttered, "Do us all a favour and die then."
And that as the last we ever heard from Queen Chrysalis.
"Unn..." I groaned.
"Hey, John? That fight seemed pretty honourable, didn't it?" He trotted towards me, wiping some Changeling blood off of his face.
I nodded my head, that was the only thing I could do.
He hoisted me up on his back again. "I don't know any healing magic. I'll get you to someone who does."
I moaned before passing out into Helix's back.
----
*beep?
Rebooting...
*Beep*
Consciousness.exe initialised.
*Beep* *Beep* *Beep*
A heart monitor.
That has to be the longest dream I've ever had. I actually nearly fell in love with a figment of my own fucking imagination.
'Yeah, you are a complete freak.'
I know. I even dreamt that there was this complete prick in my head, who kept telling me to do stuff, and never shut up when I asked, and always fucked off when I needed him most.
'I know that feel, see I'm sharing a living space with this guy who has mental issues and a micro-penis.'
Fuck you too, asshole.
'Welcome back to the land of the living, John.
It really isn't good to be back.
My everything ached substantially.
'We're back in Canterlot, by the way. Looks like you caught up on that sleep you've been missing out on.'
Since when did they get heart monitors? Their technology is confusing me.
'Well actually, it's a bit complicated...'
The doors opened to the room, and I went lax, closing my eyes.
"Princess, I would advise against entering the room, we don't know what the Changeling leader could have done to him while he was unconscious!"
"This is a private affair, Doctor Hoof. It is of the utmost importance that you leave." Celestia. Wouldn't of guessed she was my first visitor.
'She wasn't, Moonflower and Twilight Sparkle have visited you several times. You even got a visit from Discord a few hours ago.'
The door shut, and Celestia sighed. "John, I know you're awake." I stayed still.
Celestia dropped something rather harshly onto my lap, giving me a twinge in the broken leg. "Explain. Now."
Peeking, I saw the journal I am currently writing in.
Lavan waved about uneasily. 'Does she know?'
Yes, she knows.
"Now, first: Why did you refrain from telling me you had an... evil spirit trapped inside of you." I yawned, spring any chances of convincing her I was asleep.
"Uhh... it wasn't..." ideas passed through my head, "Really on my mind?"
Lavan facepalmed inside of me.
Celestia raised an eyebrow. "It didn't cross your mind that you were harboring a fugitive in your own mind?"
I paused, "No..."
Lavan double-facepalmed. 'John, stop embarrassing yourself and tell her I want to talk to her.'
"Lavan wants to say hello."
Then Lavan decided to figuratively throw me into the backseat.
"Hello, Tia.' Lavan smiled.
"Get out of him, now. I will not have you corrupt him and those around him with your prescence."
"Well, the problem is... I kinda need him."
"So if I extract you from him, you would be powerless?"
"Yep. Of course, we could just pretend I don't exist, I mean, that worked well the last time didn't it?" Lavan shot at the princess, causing her eyes to widen.
"Well, I didn't mean to... I thought that you were cheating!" The princess argued.
"I was talking about putting me into the mountain." Lavan deadpanned.
I sighed from inside my own head. Lavan, can you discuss relationship problems later, please?'
"John wants control back." And I could use my own body again.
"That felt weird." I stated blankly.
"Along with the problems that hiding Lavan gives you, there's this." She skipped to a different page.
'Even if Equestria never exists.'
"Well, you kinda got me there. I was really looking forward to not getting beheaded yet. So go prepare the guy, or whatever you do here."
"I was actually planning to have you learn how magical this place is, and how a world without it would be worse off, but now that I think about it..." She looked like she was genuinely contemplating that.
"Don't piss around with me, Celestia. Tell me whether I'm going to die or not."
Her ears twitched, and she moved back slightly, "We will talk about this later."
"How do you know I won't just escape?"
"Just a bit of mare's intuition, Captain Smith."
Then Twilight trotted in, her posture distinctly somber. "Hello princess, I didn't know you visited John?"
"Wait, Celly visits me!?" I questioned from the bed, and Twilight dropped something she was carrying.
"John! You're alive!" She practically leapt up to me. "What happened to you? All we saw was a big changeling put you down and wave us over!" She practically yelled.
"Woah, Twi. Ease up on the hugs, your kinda collapsing my rib cage." I got out weakly. She moved off of me, blushing. "Thanks. Celestia over here says you've been visiting me, is that true?"
She nodded profusely, "Of course! I'd do the same for any good friend I knew."
'You just got so friend zoned.' Lavan commented, sniggering.
I really care. I mean, I'm drowning the entire hospital with my tears of overwhelming care.
"Cool, you seen Moon anytime she visited? I need to talk to her about something." Twilight shook her head.
"Sorry, John. I haven't seen the captain much at all." Her face lit up. "The doctors said we'd be able to do the healing spell once you awoke, so I can get them now, and we'll be back to Ponyville in a few hours!" Why is she so excited?
'Because she'll get to see you naked again when you two do inter-species biology?'
That really isn't how I imagine it.
'Of course you don't expect it!' Lavan humorously added.
"Right, is Spike back in Ponyville? And the others as well?" I recieved two small yep's from the younger princess. "Well that's good...How's life been for the last few days? Mine hasn't been too funny, I assure you." I joked, getting a laugh from Twilight in return.
"Not much, but we've gotten the finished contract spells from Starlight, so you should be able to say goodbyes to your family, or if you want, we can just send you back..." She paused, saddened. "But, I'd like you to come back... and so would everypony else, I promise." She smiled through her little moment of depression.
I don't have anyone who needs me holding me to Earth.
'What do YOU want, John? Don't let that decision be influenced by Twilight.'
Fuck it: "I'm coming back. Fuck Humanity, the economy was screwed anyway, and some idiot's were about to screw it up even more." I just need to grab some shit.
During the conversation, I hadn't noticed Fat Princess walk out. (Seriously, have you seen the amount of 'junk in the trunk' she has?)
'Yes, I have. And that ass is mine.'
I thought you two broke up?
'IT WILL BE MINE, ONCE AGAIN! ' Lavan vowed triumphantly.
Sure it will.
----
Night had fallen on Canterlot once more.
The stars were out, not obscured by light pollution like they would be in any Human city.
I had a nice view out of the window, the moon on the horizon as it crept upwards in the manner it had done for billions, upon billions of years.
And there was a Thestral flying through the window.
"John? You awake?" Moonflower whispered as she trotted up to the bed-side.
I decided to tease her a bit by staying quiet.
"John?Joh- EEEE," she yelped as I grabbed her and hoisted her up to me.
"Gotcha." I playfully smiled, and she reciprocated.
"Yep, you got me. So I've been kind of... itchy again lately." She flirted, "would you mind?" Sticking her wings out, she looked me in the eyes, orbs that shone a glorious amber.
"My pleasure." And I began scratching at her again.
"Lower." She commanded.
I went higher.
Mock-scowling, she put her face in front of mine once again, and she became all that I could see as her wings enclosed over us, giving us full privacy from the outside world.
"No more interruptions." And she dived towards my face...
And began shouting.
"*MEEP* *MEEP* *MEEP*" Moon yelled into my ear. WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT!? I WAS ASLEEP!
"I believed it was time for you to wake up, Captain." Luna...
"Right, I get it. I'm sorry for rubbing you the wrong way Luna, now: Would you kindly leave me alone?" I threw the pillow over my face.
"And that reaction is going to help you? You are being childish." She scolded me. I am actually going to shove the IV monitor up her anus.
"Just... leave me alone. I wish to wallow in my injuries."
*snap* and her horn lit up.
And she shoved the bone back into place, and healied it with some magic. She then did the same for all the broken bones I had.
To say it hurt wouldn't really do the experience credit.
"There. Your injuries are healed." Luna affirmed, "If thou did not act like such a cretin during thine time in Canterlot, then I would not be so abrasive. Unfortunately, thou decided to insult us, steal the works of Starswirl, then not even have the courtesy to bring them back!" She was furious by the end of it.
I sighed, the pain from her little skeletal adjustment ebbing away. "I get it, I'm an asshole. Now let me get on with my life."
"Thou shall be on the next train to Ponyville. I suggest you make haste, as it is meant to arrive in thirty minutes." She looked at me while I did nothing, "I do not except thine apology. Yet."
"Am I going to have to do setting to get in your favour? I really don't want to..." I bemoaned.
She nodded, "Yes, we shall discuss it at a later date. John the Human."
"Fine. Do you have anything I can wear? I'd rather not walk naked through the streets of Canterlot."
'It's not like they'd have much to look at...' Lavan sniped.
That joke isn't even funny anymore.
'Ok, I'll stop with the dick size jokes.'
You think you could do that thing where you take over my body to get us to the station? I can be bothered to get up right now. Lavan assumed control, and got me up.
'Your clothing is on a chair to the side of you. Farewell." And Luna teleported away.
Lavan dressed me, and we left the hospital for the station,one of the doctors tried to stop us, but Lavan dismissed it. As we bumbled through the cobbled streets of Canterlot, most ponies took less notice of me than usual, so I took that as a sign that they were becoming less snobby, or just getting used to me. I bought a sandwich from a cafe not far from the train station, the place was called Donut Joe's or something. I'm surprised I didn't find this while I was stuck in Canterlot for a month. The train was late, so I can confirm that it's a universal thing, for trains to NEVER be on time. I, meanwhile, had been looking at an interesting piece of news.
ELEMENTS OF HARMONY RESCUE IMPRISONED CHANGELING SLAVES
It was reported by Princess Celestia herself, that in an operation led by Twilight Sparkle, 200 ponies have been set free from chambers deep under the Changeling hive. Later in an interview, Twilight Sparkle said that "The real heroes are the royal guard who cut them free while we held off the Changelings from the outside...". Reports have said that the fighting came to an abrupt end, shortly before the corpse of changeling queen: Chrysalis, was seen plummeting from the tallest tower, as evidence was gathered, it was revealed that new captain of the Arcane Guard, John Smith, singlehoofedly fought the Queen until he was incapable of movement, leading to the soon to be crowned King of the Changelings, Helix, had thrown her from the balcony. More on this story on Pg.23, more on John Smith and Arcane Guard on Pg.24.
Because it's me in the news, I skip to page 24.
NEW SECTION OF ROYAL GUARD FOUNDED BY PRINCESS SPARKLE AND MYSTERY CREATURE: JOHN SMITH
One month ago, residents in Canterlot would have seen a yellow sofa rolling down the high streets of Canterlot, piloted by a strange creature now known as a 'Human', Minotaur ambassadors who were in the area commented, "His species has been the basis for our society, most new technologies, such as the Ponyville hydroelectric dam, various equipment used in hospitals, and even video games, along with other complex machinery created by Minotaur technology experts: MinoSoft, have been reverse engineered by relics discovered in ruins by Minotaur archaeologists, which are believed to have been cities, located under New Pork, Talondon, and even Maris." These relics are displayed in a museum, built in Minos, the Capital of Greece. (See fig.2).
The picture appeared to be a collection of trinkets from modern day Earth, an IPhone, split in two. The front end of a Jeep, and a double-barrel shotgun. I really need to get there at some point...
THE CREATION OF THE ARCANE GUARD
Not much could be gleened from the royal guards, but one witness says "I dunno, seemed a bit... on the spot, if you ask me. Like the Princesses forgot, and the Human just made 'em realise." The Human has apparently raised the point of why Princess Sparkle was not guarded whatsoever, and the princesses deemed it's creation necessary, at which point the Human volunteered.
As the tooting of the train became apparent, Lavan folded up the newspaper. 'For educated guesses made by reporters, those are fairly damn accurate.'
We departed Canterlot quickly, and I let the light chugging of the train become a metronome for my own thoughts.
When I go for the resources trip to 2016, what do I get? Essentials? Enough Coca-Cola to recreate the stuff, then sell it as my own? Ponies are into sugary stuff, to my knowledge so it could end up making me a richuge son-of-a-bitch... hell, why don't I just hoard loads of tech?
'Why don't you ask Twilight if you can even take stuff back, for all we know, this shit could transport us back and forth like a terminator.'
Fair point, actually. We need to get the specifics of this time travel stuff at some point.
Luna's reasons for telling us to go now became apparent when Twilight Sparkle strolled onto the train in front of me, Spike in tow.
Let's see which carriage they're in then
'Nah. Wait a minute. We'll troll them.' and Lavan cast an invisibility spell, following them into the train. Our targets were unassuming as we slipped into the carriage just before the door closed.
Spike sighed, "Twi, there's no use worrying about it. John'll be alright. He seemed pretty tough when I was there." Spike consoled the bothered alicorn.
"I know Spike... it's just- he's from a highly advanced race that predates ours! He has nearly unlimited amounts of knowledge, and a mental capacity higher than most ponies. He said that fourteen-year-old's were taught quadratics! Most ponies have a hard time getting a grip on some of the mathematics, and it took Equal Value thirty years to figure out some of the higher level rules of mathematics. That mathematic prowess hasn't been seen before! Can you imagine what he'd be able to solve? He knows what happened before the planet was even a few rocks bunched together! His species has credible theories for nearly anything you can imagine! John is-"
"Right here. Thank you for the compliments Twilight." 'Get back in control, John.'
Will do. I assumed control of my body again, and disabled the invisibility. Twilight's face was fully flushed, red as a tomato, and Spike was cracking up. "Hi." I said plainly.
"She- she just- oh Celestia, that's great!" Spike gasped out, laughing his head off.
"JOHN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!? YOU SHOULD BE IN THE HOSPITAL!"
"Luna did some... healing magic on me. I'm fine, see?" I flexed my arm, showing off my meager, scrawny little muscles.
"Bu- Buh-"
"Twilight, I'm fine, let's just get back to Ponyville." She looked a bit indignant about getting cut off, but ultimately just sat across the seat, near the window and let her blush slowly fade.
"How do ponies even blush anyway?" I asked as the slow chugging of the train became apparent.
Twilight was happy to tell me.
No one shall ever know the secrets of pony blushing.