//------------------------------// // Discord 3 // Story: A Mile In Her Regalia // by Foals Errand //------------------------------// “None of you know how to have fun any more. I really mean it, this life is just so… stale. That’s it, I need to find some new friends.” The small lampshade didn’t respond. It rarely ever did. It had never been the same after… Well. We don’t talk about it. Rest assured that it wasn’t nice. I shook my head and lazily snapped a paw, transforming the lampshade into a small ferret, which scuttled off quickly. If a ferret ever could scuttle off that is. And with the scuttling off of that ferret went my dreams of ever reforming that poor, poor demented soul. Ah well, I only had myself to blame. Or did I? Hmmm. Nope! I was in the clear! My conscience lifted, I made my way through the stupidly large hallway that I was in, the sounds of large-pitched battles still echoing around the castle. They’d been at it for hours now, and yet both sides of the battle seemed to be evenly matched, pounding and stabbing with ferocity that I’d never seen matched in any flora-pastry battle ever. A few ponies in full battle attire ran past, clunking along in their stupid gear. They were followed by more than a few chefs, more than a few gardeners, and a few huge ponies that looked pretty damn hungry. I could imagine what they were for, and I had to applaud them on their imagination. Then again, they could just be some really hungry civilians… Those poor, poor pies. They had no clue what was coming their way. They didn’t see me, of course. They wouldn’t have seen good ol’ Discord, that loving and slightly creepy looking thing that’s always there to hand out buckets full of love and affection. They would have instead seen a little cardboard box with a little exclamation mark creeping down the corridor. I was hidden inside my devious hiding place of hidden-ness. No one ever expected the box. The moment the other ponies were gone I threw the box over my head and started making my way down towards the battle. I was a little curious as to what was going on. The sounds of the battle were even dying down a bit. Those reinforcements must have been doing a bang-up job of… whatever they were going to try to do. Lo and behold, Celestia… I mean, Luna herself was talking down both sides. Wait, Luna’s body… Damn, this is still confusing . It seemed that she had found a way of satisfying both sides. Well that was… anticlimactic. Bah, no common decency these days. No respect for a war. Filled with disgust for the cancellation of this afternoon’s entertainment, I snapped a finger and burst into flowers that promptly wilted and died from the sheer party-pooperness of the atmosphere. I floated along looking for something to do. Luna would probably have her hooves full for the next few hours trying to not look like a fool in public, so I couldn’t really do much there… Boring. I snapped my claw and sent a plague of hungry scissors on their way towards downtown Canterlot, the scent of uncut hair already filling their sharp beaks. At least that might stir up some trouble with the local mane dressers. I floated along in the sky, my brown fur perfectly camouflaged with the sky and clouds. I could see everything from up here. There really wasn’t much going on. Canterlot was just so… dull! Why did nothing ever happen here! Why couldn’t there just be a simple flash-mob, or maybe a Godzilla attack?! I mean, there could even be some sort of sacrificial ritual going on! Those weren’t too uncommon! I always loved a good ritual. They always had great food. Actually, there was this really great one that I was at a while ago. Ripped a guys heart out, they did. Threw it into a bloody volcano afterwards. Kali was so proud of the bastards after that. I could really go for a ritual. It just sucks that of all places, Canterlot would never have one. Yep. Not a single ritual going on in Canterlot. Not one. My Discord senses were tingling. I looked down, and sure enough there was a circle of ponies all dressed in black skulking around some back alleys somewhere deep in Canterlot. There was a small circle inscribed in the ground beneath them, and red light poured from the little lanterns that they had hanging everywhere. Wow. They went full out with that one. 10/10 for style, although the creepy chanting was sorely lacking. Oh, no, wait. There it is. Wow, they’re doing a pretty good job of that too. I might just go check it out. I swooped down on the crowd beneath me. There were about ten ponies altogether, and there seemed a little awed that I decided to grace them with my presence. They bowed to me. It there was a better way to swell an ego, I have yet to find one. One of the ponies stood up from their prostrated position. “Oh great Demon of Chaos, have you come to us to grant us our wish?” the pony said, quivering in excitement. “Uh, yeah. Sure. I guess. What are you after… my little cultist.” I had to say that. I really did. “We are trying to bring our beloved mistress back to us. The one that these pitiful fools walking the streets around us dare to disgrace her name by using it without reverence, but instead use disgust and fear. Nightmare Moon.” As she said that, all of the cultists stood and saluted. “All hail the Great Leader. The One who Brings the Night. The One who Reaps the Harvest. The One with the GoldenEye. The One who Knocks. The Chosen One. The Channel One. The One who Saves Us. The One who Reforges Us. The one who will Bring us Into The Darkness. The One with Lots Of One-Ness. The One with More Than One Title. The One, the Whole One, and Nothing But The One.” Instantly they all bowed again, except for the hooded pony that was looking at me with hope in her eyes. “Soo…” I said. “Basically… You want Nightmare Moon back?” The bowed ponies stood and saluted. “All hail the Great Leader. The One who Brings the Night. The One who Reaps the Harvest. The One with the GoldenEye. The One who Knocks. The Chosen One. The Channel One. The One who Saves Us. The One who Reforges Us. The one who will Bring us Into The Darkness. The One with Lots Of One-Ness. The One with More Than One Title. The One, the Whole One, and Nothing But The One.” “Yeah, that one,” I said. “Oh course, Oh Great Demon Of Chaos. We would be honored if you would do that. We would do anything to have the great Nightmare Moon returned to us.” “All hail the Great Leader. The One who Brings the Night. The One who Reaps the Harvest. The One with the GoldenEye. The One who Knocks. The Chosen One. The-” “Yeah, yeah. I get it already.” I frowned. “I think I should know your name first. I can’t just do a favour for a cult that has no name.” “Oh, we have a name. We’re called Broonies.” “...Broonies. Wow. That’s just plain terrible. Why Broonies?” “Well… some us us are stallions… so we mixed Bro and Moon. Clever, isn’t it? We wanted to show our love for Nightmare Moon by mixing Bro and Moon together.” “...It’s stupid and obvious. Let’s just get her already. You want your Moony? I can get her for you. Just wait for a few moments.” I snapped my paw and summoned a huge red plume of smoke that filled the summoning circle we were standing in, shortly before summoning Celestia right into the middle of it. She looked confused, but before she could get her bearings I summoned a can of unremovable Blackest-Black ™ paint and threw it over her face, coating her body. I then snapped my paw yet again and put a whole bunch of armour over her, before changing her eyes to the adorable ones that Moony had. Oh, and I increased her… size a little. ...What? All I did was make her grow a little! Nothing shifty about that! Anyway, she was looking pretty surprised, probably due to the crazy amount of smoke that I was blowing at her. “What? What’s going on?!” Celestia… I mean, Nightmare Moon, yelled desperately. I snapped my paw and sucked all of the smoke into ground before bowing to the cultists who had an awed look in their eyes. “I now present to you… NIGHTMARE MOON.” I teleported out of there almost immediately, but before I did I heard, “All hail the Great Leader. The One who Brings the Night. The One who Reaps the Harvest. The One…” On the other side of the teleport was a door. I needed to check up on Luna, of course. I couldn’t let Celestia have all the fun. Actually, you know what? I was still a bit miffed that my war idea had failed. Well, screw it. I’m gonna make a real war. One that can’t just be called off so easily. Hmm… this might be an idea. As the chapter faded to black, the people on the other side of the screen could hear me calling out for the Princess of the Day, Celestia herself, to come and bring peace to the warring Minotaur and Griffin Kingdoms. Luna never was the best at peace.