Twilight Sparkle arrived at her home after sunset, walking around in a daze, still trying to come to terms with her terminal illness. She had talked at length with the doctor about the details of horn rot, what symptoms would arise at different stages of the disease, which medications she could take to prevent an episode like in the train tunnel, alternative treatments, counsellors. Through the whole day she had not shed a single tear. Her mind was processing the information, planning out checklists for her ongoing treatment. So much information to process, so many pieces of data to sort out. It kept her mind occupied but It was only a matter of time until the emotions would hit her like a falling piano.
She opened the door to her house and walked in.
"Twilight, you're sure home late!" said Spike. "You look a little pale, are you all right?"
Twilight managed her best smile. "Oh, I ran into Rarity in Canterlot and she convinced me to go shopping with her. So many shops... Luckily I had the willpower not to buy anything."
"That's weird, I thought she was working in Carousel Boutique all day."
Twilight started to turn the gears in her head to find a way to explain her story, but thankfully Spike just shrugged his shoulders. Spike turned his back to Twilight.
"Hey, Twi, check this out!" said Spike. Twilight looked in fascination at Spike. The tiny winglets in his shoulders were wiggling back and forth.
"Are you doing that? You’re actually consciously controlling your wings?”.
Spike smiled proudly. "Just learned today! And from what I've read, my wings should grow big enough to start flying in about 10 years!"
Twilight clapped her hooves together. "Amazing! I can't wait to see..." she trailed off.
Spike stopped wiggling his wings and started to say something when Twilight suddenly burst into tears and ran up to him, hugging him closely. Confused, he put his arm around her. "What's the matter?"
Twilight still couldn't say anything. She sobbed deeply, unable to let him go. She couldn't tell Spike yet - she didn't even know how. She would have to some day when her condition became more visible. And since Spike was going to live a hundred times longer than her anyways, they both knew they would have to confront the issue of her mortality some day. But now that day would be much sooner than later. When she could control her voice again, she started to think of an explanation for her outburst.
"I was..." Twilight sniffed. "I was thinking of the future, when you would grow up to be a full-grown dragon and I'd be long gone. I was picturing when you'd fly away, and I just couldn't help what I was feeling."
The best lies were mixed with truth. Thinking of the implications of their differing lifespans had brought her to tears privately many times in the past, and she was sure that it was the same for Spike.
"You really shouldn't think of that now." said Spike, who sounded a little choked up himself. "I always tell myself that that's Future Spike's problem. We're here together now. And that's all that matters."
Twilight backed away from Spike and wiped the tears from her eyes. "You're right... it's a silly thing to think of right now. Really, I'm just happy to see you're growing up. And to think I knew you when you were just a cute little spotted egg."
Twilight managed a weak smile, turned around and headed to the door. "Spike... I'll be back in a few minutes. I just need to... clear my head."
Twilight forced another smile and clumsily left the house. She could feel Spike's concerned and confused look behind her without even seeing it.
-
No, Twilight. Stop thinking about this.
Back during her birthday party, an idea had first entered her head as kind of a joke. A funny what-if scenario mixed with some wishful thinking and a bit of an adventurous spirit. Applejack and Rainbow Dash had let her know how much money was involved in the production of Crystal Spark, and she had an advanced knowledge of both chemistry and magic. She could....
Dammit, no, Twilight. Listen to yourself. Why are you even considering this?
She walked aimlessly around town as the last of the sun dipped below the horizon, her mind racing. The sensible side of her was saying that it was too risky, that she'd never done anything illegal before (well, there was that one time that she snuck into the Canterlot library when it was closed... sort of... nah, that didn't count). Drug production was nothing that she ever imagined she would do, but a series of purely logical thoughts had presented themselves in order. Check marks on a checklist that she couldn’t uncheck.
As she crossed over one of the small bridges towards the edge of town, the two sides of her mind were still in conflict with each other. She reminded herself that Spike was a growing dragon living among ponies, still in his early adolescent years. His connection with ponies was too strong to leave on his own and live with dragons. He was determined to live in Ponyville and fit in there. But it would be incredibly expensive just to keep him fed well enough. His growth would be stunted otherwise. She'd have to feed him gems occasionally to keep his fire strong, and with her salary as a magic Kindergarten teacher she could only afford the bare minimum requirements. Before today, she would have been able to do it, but with medical bills for treating her horn rot, the math just didn’t work out. And those fancy mathematics just muddied the issue - the fact was that she would be dead far too soon, and dead ponies don’t have dependable income.
She had to talk herself out of this somehow. There were other ways to make money. She could get a second, even a third job. She could swallow her pride and open communication with Princess Celestia again. As she approached Sweet Apple Acres, she took a deep breath and reassured herself that this crazy idea would put itself to bed by tomorrow. She knocked on the door of the Apple Family's home. Apple Bloom opened the door.
"Twilight?" said Apple Bloom. Twilight was amazed at just how much she looked like Applejack now, except for her red mane. "Ah'm sorry, I didn't know y'all were comin' over tonight, ah would've saved some apple pie!"
"Oh that's quite all right" said Twilight. "I actually just wanted to talk to your sister for a minute. Is she available?"
"Hold on a sec." Apple Boom turned around. "AJ! TWILIGHT'S HERE TO SEE YA!"
Twilight jumped slightly. Somehow she was always surprised at how loud Apple Bloom could yell.
"ALL RIGHT, HOLD YER HORSES, AH'M COMIN'" came Applejack's voice in the background.
Apple Bloom looked back at Twilight. "Y'know, ah think that it's been a long time since we talked. How ya been?"
"Oh, all right. You know, more of the same."
"Y'all should come over some time." said Apple Bloom. "Catch up on things. We ain't seen nearly enough of each other lately."
"Sure." said Twilight.
Applejack arrived at the door, and Apple Bloom excused herself.
"Hey, AJ. Just letting you know, I'm going to take you up on your offer. To come along with you on that... drug bust... thing."
"Aw shoot!" said Applejack.
"What?"
"Ah mean, that's great, Twi. It's just that ah owe Rainbow 10 bits now."
"Wh... why?"
"She bet me 10 bits that you'd do it, ah said you wouldn't. Guess ah was lyin'. Ya reckon I'm still the element of honesty now?"
"I don't think that really counts as dishonesty. You were making a prediction into the future and according to Starswirl's uncertainty principle, nothing can be predicted in its entirety, even at the subatomic level and..."
Applejack laughed out loud. "Ah wasn't talkin' seriously there. Y'all need to relax a bit."
Twilight facehoofed and giggled nervously. "Well... I guess I'll... yeah, see ya later!"
-
"You see that house over there?" said Rainbow Dash.
Twilight was hiding in a bush with Applejack and Rainbow Dash. She floated a pair of binoculars to her face and peered through. "Which one?"
"The one with the chimney." said Applejack. "Next to that tall one."
"Yeah, I see it." Twilight zoomed in on the windows.
Rainbow Dash nudged her head to the side a bit so she could look into the binoculars too. "Movement! I see a shadow!"
Applejack grinned. "Yeehaw, looks like we ain't gonna be waitin' here all day. Give 'em the signal."
"The signal?" said Rainbow Dash in a joking tone, barely suppressing a giggle. "Whatever do you mean? Could you be more specific?"
Applejack sighed and rolled her eyes. "Flash 'em the triple-wingboner."
Rainbow Dash flipped her wings up out of the bush three times. "Twilight, look over to the left!"
Twilight zoomed back out and looked to the left. A large wagon pulled by a donkey was approaching. It didn't look like it, but from what Rainbow and Applejack had told her, it had a team of royal guards hidden inside, ready to storm the building.
"This is gonna be so awesome!" said Rainbow Dash, her hooves up to her cheeks. "Get this, Twi. Our soon-to-be arrested mystery pony always likes to mix his Crystal with sarsaparilla. Word on the street is it gives it some sass, whatever the hay that means. And he goes by the handle of 'Sir Oatmeal'. Weirdest name ever. I'll bet it's an Earth pony."
"Oatmeal?" said Applejack. "Are you crazy? That's a pegasus name if ah ever heard one. Y'all got yer heads literally in the clouds all day, gives ya funny ideas."
"I got 20 bits that says this guy's got hooves in the dirt."
"Yer on!"
The wagon came to a stop. Six royal guards spilled out, fully armored and moving with efficient speed. They quickly formed two lines of three each, one team running towards the back, the other towards the front. Each team consisted of a unicorn, a pegasus, and an earth pony. The pegasi and earth ponies carried spears in their mouth. At the front door, Twilight saw that the unicorn was standing directly in front of the door, his horn starting to glow, head down with the horn pointing towards the center of the door. The pegasus hovered just above the door, and the earth pony was positioned against the wall to the side of the door. She could only see the pegasus from the back door team floating above the house, but assumed that they were doing the same thing. The pegasus in the back raised his hoof as a signal, and the one in the front did the same. When they both lowered their hooves to complete the signal and silently synchronize both teams, there was a sudden bright flash from the unicorn's horn, so bright that Twilight dropped her binoculars for a second.
She hovered the binoculars up again. She could see that the door had been blown off of its hinges and the pegasus and earth pony guards were already inside, with the unicorn following them. She saw some more bright flashes of light (she assumed the unicorns were projecting flash-bang spells to disorient anyone inside). She heard a crashing sound, and a loud and gruff-sounding female scream.
"Oatmeal's a mare? Didn't expect that." said Applejack.
Rainbow Dash hovered up above the bush. "Now we'll see who was right."
Applejack and Twilight both stepped out from the bush, not needing to keep a low profile anymore. Twilight kept the binoculars up and kept looking at the front door, and saw the two Earth ponies coming out the front door, dragging a disoriented and tied up criminal out with them.
"Ah see wings." said Applejack with a smile. "Thank ya kindly fer yer 20 bit contribution to the apple fund!"
Twilight adjusted the focus to get a good look at the criminal. "Nope. You were both wrong. It's a griffon." she looked at them both. "Guess the bet's off?"
Rainbow Dash sighed in relief. She started to laugh, but then suddenly her eyes went wide open. She swooped down and pushed Twilight roughly out of the way to look through the binoculars again. "Oh Celestia. Tell me it's not... it's... it's Gilda."
Applejack's grin disappeared. She put her hoof on Rainbow's shoulder, a concerned look on her face. Rainbow pushed her hoof away, then hovered up in the air with her forelegs crossed in front of her. "She made her choice. Guess Ponyville wasn't too lame for her after all."
After a moment of awkward silence, Twilight spoke up. "Would it be all right if I had a look inside the drug lab?"
Applejack put her hoof to her chin and thought for a second. "Listen, ah'm gonna go ahead and check that everything's under control. Y'all just wait here 'till ah get back."
Applejack and Rainbow Dash went off to talk with the guards at the scene.
Momentarily by herself, Twilight continued watching through her binoculars. She was still curious about the Crystal Spark trade, but what she had seen today pretty much convinced her that it wouldn't be worth the trouble. She would be going directly against an elite anti-drug task force organized by Celestia herself. And the Ponyville unit was led by two of her best friends. There's no way she could hope to go up against a force like that. She doubted there were any books in the library that could tell her how to deal drugs and how to stay out of trouble.
Twilight sighed in resignation. She was just about to give up when she caught a sudden flash of pink movement in her peripheral vision. It came from the second-floor window of the building next to the one where they nabbed Gilda. Twilight jumped back into the bush and focused in on the window. A face peeked up in the window.
Pinkie Pie.
"What are you doing here?" Twilight whispered to herself as she observed Pinkie in fascination.
Pinkie was nervously looking right and left. There were the remains of chocolate and icing around her mouth and in her mane. She dipped out of sight again and appeared a moment later wearing a comically large stovepipe hat, thick-rimmed glasses, and a false moustache. She carefully crept out of the window and stepped onto the thin ledge.
One of the guards walked out around the front of the house and Pinkie Pie struck a pose, apparently trying to act as if she were a statue. A very strange and colorful statue that was hanging out the second floor window of a house. Luckily for her, the guard didn't think to look up. He was just walking to the wagon.
Pinkie Pie let out a breath of relief after the guard passed by, and wiped her hoof across her face. Unfortunately the motion wiped the false moustache off and it floated out in front of her. Frantically realizing that her brilliant disguise was ruined she jumped away from the window and reached out to grab it.
Twilight's binoculars went out of focus for a second so she wasn't entirely sure, but it seemed to her that Pinkie Pie hovered in the air for a good 3 seconds or so, fixing the false moustache back onto her face before looking down and falling the moment she realized she wasn't standing on anything.
The guard, hearing the noise, turned around, but Pinkie had landed into a sideways roll that left her hidden behind a hay bale. The guard walked up toward the bale. Pinkie jumped into it backwards, leaving nothing but her hat, glasses, and moustache visible at the top of the bale. The guard walked around the hay bale where Pinkie was just seconds ago, looking intently at it and obviously sensing something was not right.
Sweat broke out on Twilight's forehead. It was only a matter of time before the guard saw it. About 10 agonizing seconds later, the guard finally looked up. He immediately leapt to the top of the hay bale, knocking off the top bits of hay along with the pieces of Pinkie Pie's disguise. Twilight gasped.
Pinkie Pie wasn't there.
"What?" said Twilight, shocked. "Where's Pinkie Pie?"
"Here I am!" said Pinkie, in the bush right next to Twilight.
Twilight jumped and managed to shove her hoof into her own mouth fast enough to muffle her scream. How in the hay did she get there so fast?
"Whatcha doin' out here Twilight?" said Pinkie Pie, tilting her head and blinking rapidly. "Spying on me without me noticing again?"
"What am I doing? What are YOU doing?" Twilight said in a hoarse whisper. "You're... you're Mr. Oatmeal!"
"Well, not anymore, silly. They think that's Gilda so I need to come up with a new name. Ooh! Maybe Mr. Muffin, or Ms. Pancake, or Dr. Swizzle Straw, or..."
Twilight shoved her hoof in Pinkie's mouth, silencing her momentarily. "Let me get this straight... you are one of the biggest producers of Crystal Spark in Ponyville, or at least you were before the raid today?"
"Mmm hmm" said Pinkie.
Twilight let her hoof fall from Pinkie's mouth. "I... I don't believe it."
"Please, pretty please with a cherry on top, don't tell the others about this! After today, I'm back to square one. No! Even less than square one. Square zero! Except that a zero is a circle, not a square! The guards are gonna take everything!"
Twilight looked back to the house and realized that Applejack and Rainbow Dash were on the way back to her.
"Pinkie, you have to get out of here. AJ and Rainbow are coming back."
"You promise not to tell them?" said Pinkie, puppy-dog eyes at full power.
"I promise, now go!" whispered Twilight.
"Pinkie Promise?"
Twilight let out an exasperated sigh and went through the well-rehearsed motions. "Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye. GET OUT!"
"Seeya later!" Pinkie Pie bolted away in a flash.
-
Later that night, Twilight knocked on the front door of Sugar Cube corner. She waited a few seconds, knocked again, waited again. No response. She walked around to the back and saw several holes dug into the ground.
Pinkie Pie's head popped up from one of the holes. "Oh hey Twilight!"
Before Twilight could say anything she disappeared into the hole again. Pinkie dug furiously, flinging dirt out the hole. Twilight stepped to the edge of the hole and looked in. Nobody there.
Pinkie Pie emerged from another hole behind her, startling her. "You wanna help me dig?"
Twilight turned around. "What are you digging for?"
"I had some money hidden under the dirt for a rainy day. It's not raining, but I really need that money now. I wish I remembered where I hid it!"
Twilight looked around at all the holes in the ground. She saw something odd. "There's a big red X painted there. Think that might be a clue?"
Pinkie Pie popped out of her hole (yet another different hole - Twilight just didn't question it). "I knew there was some reason why I painted that! You sure are a smarty pants, Twi!" Pinkie Pie started digging at the X.
"Pinkie, I'm here because I think we can help each other. I can get you back in the game."
"What game?" asked Pinkie. "Are we playing already? Did I lose? Best two out of three?"
"I mean the Crystal Spark game."
"Oh, that wasn't a game. I was doing that for real!"
Twilight facehoofed. "No, I don't mean like a real game, I mean a... Let me start again. I can help you get back into the business of producing and selling Crystal Spark."
"Really?" said Pinkie, stopping her digging. She looked at Twilight quizzically. "This isn't like baking cupcakes. Nobody has a problem with you when you're baking cupcakes. Especially if there's lots of chocolate, and candy sprinkles. This is bad stuff! And you're a goody four-shoes! No nice little niceypants like you just starts BAKING BAD overnight!" Pinkie Pie looked away from Twilight, winking towards some imaginary audience.
Twilight groaned. "Look... I've been doing the research. I know the chemical components, I know where they're found, and I have the magic skills to put everything together. You have connections. You know everyone in Ponyville. You know how to get the product moving. Together we can make a lot of money."
"Now hold your horses!" said Pinkie. "I don't need you to bake for me! I can do it myself just fine!"
Twilight laughed. "I saw your lab after you left earlier today. I'm surprised you were even able to make anything with that amateur setup. Have you ever even read a single science textbook? And sarsaparilla? Really?"
"Hey, sarsaparilla is my signature! It gives it more sass, silly!"
"I'm giving you an opportunity here." said Twilight, glaring at her intensely. "We can do it my way, or I can turn you in to the Canterlot guards."
Pinkie gasped. "You said you wouldn't tell anypony! You Pinkie Promised!"
Twilight continued to glare at Pinkie. "Yes, I Pinkie Promised." Her horn glowed as she telekinetically picked up a cupcake from inside Sugar Cube Corner. "I said... cross my heart and hope to fly..." Without breaking eye contact with Pinkie, she floated the cupcake out the window. "Stick a cupcake..." she flung the cupcake directly at her own open left eye.
The intent of the action was simply to prove to Pinkie that she was serious. However, sticking a cupcake in your eye, as it turned out, was a lot more painful than she expected. Twilight screamed and rolled around the floor, icing and tears flowing from her eye. Pinkie Pie stared down at Twilight, slack-jawed and confused.
"Ohhhh it hurts! My eye hurts so much!" screamed Twilight. "Why did I do that? Aaah!"
Pinkie Pie continued staring. Twilight continued rolling around in pain.
"Aaaagh! I hate cupcakes today! Damn you, cupcake! So much pain! My world is nothing but pain!" Twilight curled into a ball, sobbing.
Finally, Pinkie finished processing all the options in her mind. "Okey Dokey Lokey!"