Online once again, the Golden Oaks Library's security system began scanning Equestrian airspace for threats. The remaining pirate ship had retreated to the border to the south, heading into the badlands. Its speed had reduced; whoever was on board probably thought it was safe in a different territory. But 'safe' was a term Dan only afforded to his friends, not to his enemies. The treehouse targeted the flying galleon and determined the most appropriate response to a retreating enemy. Dan, then, chose a different response that he determined was more appropriate.
The missile was the length of a telephone pole and was twice the diameter of one of Applejack's largest cider barrels. It launched from the treehouse with enough force to shake the ground around it but did nothing to rock the library's foundation. The missile arced through the sky over the roofs of Ponyville, looking very much like an Apollo rocket at low altitude. Suffice to say, it looked about as out of place as you'd think a giant, jet-powered middle finger would looking flying low under the skies of Equestria.
The galleon didn't move, didn't adjust course, didn't try to repel the missile as it raced toward it. The missile burned through the sky and reached its target just as the ship passed the border into the badlands territory. Made of ceramic crystalline carbon, the missile punched through the hull of the ship, splintering the wood and creating an instant hole that would've sunk the ship on its own. It plunged through the deck and out the bottom of the the ship, arcing towards the ground.
The ship began plummeting toward the ground but the missile quickly adjusted course. With its speed slightly reduced, the explosive payload it carried was now officially armed and rigged to detonate for proximity after it failed to detonate on impact. It pulled up and pierced the underside of the ship again and exploded.
The explosion was large enough to be seen from Canterlot, a mushroom cloud without the radiation but all of the force and fire. The galleon, the border and the sky around it were incinerated.
Dan smiled at the destruction through the periscope that had conveniently descended in the middle of the living room. "Ahhh, as they say, better safe than sorry. And there's nothing like staying safe by making someone else sorry… and nuking their sorry hides from halfway across the country. Surface-to-Air Missiles- the apology you can't not accept."
"Wait," Twilight held up her hoof, "wouldn't they be apologizing? If they were the ones who made the incursion, wouldn't their leaving be them saying sorry?"
"Eeeyep," Dan said, patting his apprentice of destruction on her mane. "And the missile is my way of accepting their apology while delivering my own."
"As in, we're sorry we can't let you leave," Blast Fuse said.
"And I'm sorry you're about to get blown up," Powder snickered.
The human laughed. They were all learning quickly, something he was happy to see. "Let's go give an apology to Blueblood together now!"
The explosive sisters held up various kind of ordnance that materialized from who knows where. "Armor-piercing or incendiary apologies?"
"Probably going to be a long day. Bring both."
"Okie."
"Dan," Twilight was quick to stop him. Shining and Cadence were quick to stand by and support her. "You can't go blowing him just because he's…"
"He's intolerable," Cadence was quick to bring up. "But he's only one of the Canterlot elite. There's dozens of them, all in line somewhere or another for their seat at the throne and they all want a turn at it."
"The royal family's just like that- they're not even really related to Celestia or Luna or Twilight," Shining explained. "Not by blood, anyway. A long time ago, a unicorn established herself as caretaker and guardian to Celestia and Luna, making all her descendants part of the royal family."
"Wait," Phoenix raised both hands, "a unicorn just 'established' herself as a mother figure to Princess Celestia? Who exactly gave her the power to do that?"
"Celestia and Luna were foals for several thousand years," Cadence said.
"S-several thousand years?!" Phoenix stuttered. (Talk about being young forever. Alicorns must age differently than normal ponies, easy enough explanation. Probably a good thing, too; couple thousand years of Blueblood and we wouldn't have an Equestria.
"So, you're saying Blueblood's from a very long line of Bluebloods," Dan said, nodding. "And I have to kill them all, yes."
"Yes- eh, NO!" Twilight yelled.
"I have to kill most of them?"
"NO!" Twilight yelled again.
"I have to kill half and then the others, I just torture for a while until they wish they'd never been born?"
"NOOOO!!" she was joined by her brother and sister-in-law.
But Dan continued. "I kill some of them and then the others I-"
"NOOOO!!!"
"-and then we grind them into tiny bits that the others use as currency so every time they make a purchase they'll-"
"NOOOOO!!!!"
"-then we get the duct tape, some belt sanders, a crowbar-"
"Dan, stop!" Twilight yelled, panting. This was the longest her family and Dan had spent together since they met and maybe the first problem they'd solve together. While Twilight had no doubt they would reach a peaceful resolution, she knew that Dan was the kind of person who usually arrived at a peaceful conclusion through violent processes. But together, they could keep things stable. For every pony's sake.
Chrys moved over and placed her hooves on his shoulders. "Dan, sweetie, I know you're eager to use all your toys and tactics against Blueblood but…"
"We have to give diplomacy a chance," Twilight said.
"Diplomacy," Dan repeated. "You mean like we tried with Vice Grip?"
Chrys turned to Twilight. "He's got a point, Twi."
"We gave diplomacy a chance, and the world was nearly destroyed. But look what happened just two minutes ago! We launched one missile and boom! Problem solved. I think we should give nukes a chance."
Twilight sighed. "That's exactly what Vice Grip would say," she said, sadly.
"I…" Dan stopped. He opened and closed his fist, midair.
They were all silent.
Dan's mouth worked for a moment. "I… I'm not like him," he said, sounding unsure. "You know I wouldn't do anything, you know, rash."
She nodded. "I know. I worry sometimes but I trust you. I know you wouldn't do anything that would hurt us… but I think others might need to see that."
"I need… to show them that? And how do you propose I do that?"