Chapter 6: Last Resort
When all else fails, the only pony you can trust is yourself.
On the way back, I trudged to the station, feeling like I carried a lot more than just my saddlebags. It should have been lighter, without all the stuff future-Twilight made me carry. I frowned, having stopped in the middle of the road, and quickly apologised to a couple of ponies that skirted around, shooting daggers at me as they muttered. Belatedly, I moved to the side and rifled through my left saddlebag, the one that felt heavier as if…
...as if it had a book in it.
Inside was Star Swirl’s Addendum and the letter that Twilight had written for me.
When had she? It wasn’t there the first time I’d looked.
With a sigh, I shoved them back into my saddlebag and marched to the station. Whatever, it wasn’t my problem.
Stupid future-me. Stupid Twilight. Stupid time travelling. All she did was screw with me.
The train ride was uneventful, and even though I would usually be reading a book, the only thing I had was Star Swirl’s Addendum, which I didn’t feel like reading. And her letter, which I felt like reading less. Instead, I just watched the scenery go past, the train heading back to Ponyville at a sedate pace that felt like a snail up a wall. All I wanted to do was sink into my bed and just forget everything that happened.
Knowing her, she’d probably be freeloading at my house, having no place to go. Or maybe she cast herself back. Maybe. I found myself wondering if she had a place to stay. She hadn’t met my friends, but surely they’d be mutual, with them being me, right? Wait, why was I worrying about her after the way she treated me? She was a massive pain and that’s all there was to it. Surely my friends would agree.
———————
Rarity and Rainbow shared a glance.
“Uhh…” Rainbow trailed off.
“Hmm, yes, that’s quite…” Rarity trailed off as well.
I stared at them both. There was a lot to take in, granted, but it wasn’t that confusing, was it? It was myself going back in time to prank the princesses which was actually me, which was actually a present for them, which I got the credit for, which wasn’t the intended effect, which doesn’t count because she tricked me, because she was a mean, pain in the flank!
“Umm, go back to the first part,” Rainbow said, her face set in a confused frown. “What did she do wrong again?”
“She tricked me!” Technically you tricked yourself.
“She ate your chocolates, darling,” Rarity said.
“She let me fall!” She was going to catch me.
“She was gonna catch you, right?” Rainbow said. “But I mean she probably should have told you earlier… and she sounds kind of I dunno, weird?” She looked at me. “No offence, Twi’.”
I wasn’t in the mood to explain time travelling mechanics with Rainbow. First off, I wanted to make sure they understood what was going on. “She ate my chocolates and tried to prank the Princesses!”
“While her methods lacked a certain sense of… propriety, she did leave you the best ones and the prank turned out harmless in the end,” Rarity pointed out.
“She was mean and spiteful!”
“She’s just got a weird sense of humour. I mean sometimes you make mistakes too, maybe she’s just a bit awkward or it’s the first time,” Rainbow said slowly. “I mean I wouldn’t do it that way, sometimes you gotta have other friends to tell you to rein it in a little, you know, if you start going too far? It could have gone better.”
“Better? Better?! She’s crazy!”
Rarity shared another look with Rainbow.
“I’m sure, dear.” She patted me on the shoulder. “Maybe you should see what she left you in that letter?”
“I don’t want to read it,” I said stubbornly.
Rarity sighed. “I think you should, I mean she did go to all the trouble of leaving you the letter after all.”
“What? Are you taking her side?!”
Rarity reddened, but didn’t say anything, electing to press her lips together tightly.
“Hey,” Rainbow warned. “We’re not the bad guys here.”
“I thought you guys were on my side!”
“It’s not about sides,” Rarity said gently before Rainbow could interject. “Though if you’d like to know, there aren’t any sides. Both of you are Twilight, and Twilight is our friend.”
“I don’t believe it,” I said angrily. “I thought I could trust you two. Why can’t you see—”
“Hey, Twilight,” Rainbow interrupted with her arms crossed. “She’s done some pretty mean things, and you’re angry, yeah I get it, but right now you’re actually being kind of a jerk. We’re just trying to help you out.”
“I-I’m not! Why are you—” I flickered to Rarity, then back to Rainbow. They both looked at me critically, like I was the one at fault. I wasn’t! It was her, why couldn’t they see that? “I thought—”
The words caught in my throat. I abruptly stood, no longer able to be there.
“Just… just forget about it!”
“Hey wait—” Rainbow called out, but I dashed out the door and slammed it shut.
I galloped as fast as I could, making my way back to the library. I ignored all the curious looks everypony was giving me and yanked the front door open, flinging it shut as I stomped to the centre of the library.
“Hey!” An irritated voice called out.
My eyes shot up, but it was only Spike.
“Oh it’s… you alright, Twi’? Where have you been all night?”
I didn’t say anything, my eyes couldn’t meet his.
“Around, Spike,” I said evasively. “Do you mind taking care of the library? I… I need to be alone for a while.”
Spike was immediately at my side.
“What’s wrong?”
Despite my best efforts, tears welled up in the corners of my eyes.
“Everything!” I cried out unable to suppress a choked sob.
I felt his tiny arms loop around my neck.
“It’s alright, Twi’, just take a deep breath. It’s okay.”
I took a shuddering breath, feeling more lonely and pathetic than I ever had. Spike was a rock in the storm of my emotions and everything just overflowed all at once.
“I’m a terrible pony, Spike.”
“That’s not true, Twi’,” he said in a soothing voice. “You’re one of the best ponies I know.”
“I don’t know about that, Spike, I’ve made a terrible mistake.”
“We all make mistakes.”
“I don’t think I can fix this one.”
“Sure you can,” Spike replied. “Just do what you do best.”
I drew back, wiping my eyes with the back of my fore leg. “What?”
“Think about it,” Spike said with a confident smile. “Work it out with that big brain of yours.”
Work it out? But how could I, everything was in shambles.
“But…” I glanced at my saddlebags that lay on the table.
I drew away from Spike as he grinned at my expression. “If I know you, that’s the ‘I have an idea’ face.”
I didn’t answer as I made my way to the table, already I was lost in my thoughts. There was the letter and the book. Time travel. The past is possible for sure… but what about the future? What did Twilight say? There was time-symmetry? Surely not.
“Spike?”
“Yes?”
“Can you fetch my friends?” I looked at him, feeling a little uncomfortable. “And can you tell Rarity and Rainbow that I want to apologise?”
Spike raised an eyebrow, but thankfully, didn’t comment on that.
“Sure thing, Twi’,” he said slowly. “But uhh… don’t try anything dangerous.”
“Yep,” I said with a small smile. “No problem.”
——————
As Spike left, I tore open the letter and read it. There were several extra pages that weren’t part of the original set. Confused, I held them out as I read.
I looked at the first page:
Dear me,
You looked.
Hope you thought it was worth it.
- Princess Twilight Sparkle
I slammed the page down onto the table. Typical, couldn’t send me a message without it being a joke. I glanced at the other pages, but I was reluctant to toss them away, though tempting it was, because they were laden with writing, unlike the first page.
Reluctantly, I picked it up and took a wary look at its contents.
Heya past-me,
If you’re reading this, then, well, you must be dying to know why I’m here. I don’t know at what point you’re reading this, but it’s probably after I’ve claimed to be from the future, right? That’s not really a lie, but it’s not really the truth, either. You should ask me about Star Swirl’s Addendum. It’s a fascinating book. The method inside of that book isn’t really time travel, it’s something called ‘sandboxing’. Sandboxing is when you take a bit of your universe and create a universe inside it, like a micro-universe. I like to call it a ‘microverse’.
You might not believe me, but the universe you’re living in right now is a microverse created by me. Hah, I can see you shaking your head. It’s true. Let me explain. But first, why do this? Star Swirl needed a place to simulate his many, many spells so what better place to do it than in his own microverse? For me, it was a little bit more complex than that.
I had to stop there, I was having trouble processing all of this. Wait, so she wasn’t a time traveler? What the heck was she?
In the beginning, I did the same things that Star Swirl did, played around a bit, made a few novel spells (ask me about walking on air) and explore a bit. It’s amazing what you can achieve in these little bubbles. Then a thought occurred to me. What happens if I ‘saved’ a state of the current universe and ‘copied’ it into a microverse, what would that be like?
The thought excited me, challenged me, it pushed me to begin experimentation in a new and exciting way. I know what you’re thinking. That’s wrong, Twilight, you shouldn’t do that. And you’re right. I shouldn’t have, but before my friends could reach me, I’d already breached the domain. I didn’t even consider the ethics of my experimentation.
I took the experiment to the Princesses. They were appalled, but also fascinated. They saw a miniature universe playing out in our own, like a snow globe on the mantlepiece. Celestia suggested I keep it, that it wouldn’t be wise to destroy the universe now that it had inhabitants. She warned me in no uncertain terms to never make another again. She made me promise, and I kept it, hadn’t I? Inwardly, I was relieved. I didn’t expect her to order its destruction, but a doubt lingered in my mind. So there you were, frozen in time, kept in a little crystal sphere on my desk over the years.
Time marched on, ages flew by, and ponies came and went.
I began to get wrapped up in governing my little ponies, to do my duty and not care for the things that made life, life. I guess… I missed the old days. When friends were around, when ponies that knew you from the start were there. That was fine, at least in the beginning.
Then I began to realise that nothing lasted forever.
Ponies don’t go very far, Twilight. At some point, at some time they just stop. But for me? I keep going. On and on and on. I’m so tired, Twilight. I’m so weary. The days blend into years and the years into centuries. Centuries, Twilight, can you even conceive of the time frame?
So I decided to continue this experiment. Like a do-over, a repeat. Something to take my mind off. At first I just looked. It was like seeing my own memories for a second time. Then I did a few things, small innocuous changes, like the weather around the Everfree, maybe change the biology of the plants a bit.
I modified the spell, and ‘saved’ the state of your universe. I could try again. And again. And again. What fascinated me was that things always turned out different, never the same. Never the same way. It was an endless source of novelty and nostalgia, all rolled up into one!
I went from observing to interfering and finally interacting. It was exulting, addictive, a universe without consequences, or so I thought. Little by little I felt I was losing myself. I got along with my ‘friends’ in your world and you less and less, no matter what I tried I was a few hoof steps off, I was a couple of beats behind the tune. I didn’t belong.
My obsession with the universe withdrew me from the world, and for a time, I was lost. Maybe I was lost before that, but everypony here makes me remember. It makes me remember what it means to do the right thing. Why I did them in the first place. Especially you. Who better to tell me when I’ve done something wrong than myself? Like my friends did back in the day, you tell me when I’ve gone too far. It’s been so long since somepony had stood up to me, it felt shocking, real.
Up until recently, everything felt scripted, as if this story was written roughly from my memory. I would have liked us to get along again, to be more like my old self. But time moves on, even in this small universe, and I have neglected my duties for long enough. At this point I would like to say that this is the final experiment. Despite the changes, despite the excitement, I’m… tired. I have to go back.
I want to leave a few things for you. In the drawer there’s a new box of Minotaurian chocolate (I didn’t actually eat your own one, it’s still in the hidey-hole), second there’s a gift for every one of your friends. I guess they’re mine too, so you can just say it’s from yourself. If you’re reading this super-early, well, thanks, you probably took Pinkie’s advice and I wouldn’t have gotten the gifts in time. They’re in your wardrobe, if not.
Until then I think this is goodbye.
It was nice knowing myself,
Princess Twilight Sparkle
Slowly I folded the letter back up and placed it in the saddlebag, then withdrew the book. The revelations shook me, reality never felt so surreal, but I refused to let her have the final say in the matter. She left, with just this letter to explain everything? That’s not fair! She’s not going to get away that easily. I’m going to face her, and she can’t escape back to another universe or time or whatever to avoid me!
I went to the kitchen and started packing supplies. Experimental spells were always dangerous. Who knew what might happen? I caught my reflection in the small window above the sink. It stared back at me, mimicking the same disappointment Twilight had when I told her to leave. She hadn’t been all that bad, I realised. I had just been childish because I’d been pranked on. She might have been at fault, but I guess I could have handled that better. Maybe.
Minutes later, I had dumped a bunch of equipment and matching saddlebags that I could find stored for Winter Wrap Up. Who knew where the book would take us? Who knew if that was even possible? Maybe, like Twilight said, reality may not be able to handle it and I would inadvertently destroy life as I knew it.
The book came from the future. Sort of. The book said that it used things from its reality to form an anchor to pull it back. The longer you stay, the more important the anchor was. If Twilight hadn’t left something like the book to take us there, it’d be nigh-impossible. But she did, complete with the instructions.
I smiled, I could always trust myself to be prepared, even if it was on accident.
——————
A knock on the door interrupted me, just as I was finishing a chalked line. Some reading had to be done, some volumes cross-referenced, but I got a lot done in such a short time span. My friends must have been scattered all over the place because it had been nearly two hours since I’d sent Spike.
“Coming!” I hastily scribed a few symbols, then stood back. Perfect. I hesitated. As perfect as anything as experimental as this could be. Well, not to worry, I should take a page out of Twilight’s book and be more spontaneous. Shaking my head, I trotted to my door and flung it wide open, greeted in surprise by my gathered friends.
My triumphant smile died as I recalled exactly why I had asked for Rarity and Rainbow to come along.
“Sorry,” I immediately blurted to them both.
They stood back a bit, eyeing me warily. I guess I must have sounded crazy, just blabbering an apology just like that. Oh sweet Celestia, I was so bad at this.
“Uhh…” Rainbow looked like she didn’t know what to say.
“Come in!” I interrupted hastily, trying to get over my blunder as quickly as I could. If I was going to apologise to them, it should be properly when I’ve explained everything.
Inside, my friends were gawking at my preparations, no doubt at the drawing that clung to the library’s floor like a spider’s web. In the centre was the book and seven circles that ringed the outside of the central circumference.
“Uhh, Twilight? What’s that you’ve got there?” Applejack muttered glancing sidelong at the spell forms suspiciously.
Pinkie cocked her head at them. “I don’t know what they are, but they look kinda pretty!”
“Sorry girls, I’ll explain in a moment. I… have something to say to Rarity and Rainbow.” I flushed with how awkward that had sounded.
Rainbow and Rarity glanced each other, but neither said anything, Rainbow even alighted on the floor rather than hover as she normally did.
I straightened, then cleared my throat. “Uhm, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. I was wrong, and I couldn’t get past my pride to see that you both had my best interests at heart. What I wanted was comfort, but what I needed was the truth.”
Rainbow put her hoof to the back of her head, as if suddenly embarrassed to be in the spotlight. “Uhh, yeah, thanks Twi’, just uhh… next time can you do it like… not in front of everypony?”
Rarity cleared her throat. “Yes, well, we all have our ups and downs. Sometimes a girl needs to vent.” She paused with a raised eyebrow. “Though preferably not at her friends.”
I winced. Yeah, okay, I deserved that.
Fluttershy was, shockingly, the one to break the silence. “Uhm, I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m glad you worked it all out.”
I shared a small, relieved smile with my friends.
“So uhhh… are you going to tell us what this here magic-thing is?” Applejack put in. She squinted at the complex writing on the floor as if there were a pile of writhing snakes rather than just chalk.
I twitched. Yes, of course, the spell.
“It’s complicated, but I guess I have to begin, well, at the beginning…”