All was white around Tali and Grimm as they came into awareness. No noise escaped them as their vision was overwhelmed, a near 270 degrees of vision flooded their mind, sending them reeling. Or, at least, if they’d had bodies they would have reeled.
They sensed each other, in an ethereal manner they couldn’t explain or describe, but knew the other was there.
They each began to focus their vision until it became crisp and clear… and confusing.
What they each saw was a lush, green, vibrant tropical island that had shattered and told the laws of physics to go on timeout for doing something right.
A single wooden path connected dozens of fragments of the island scattered across their view that was looping and twisting around and even through itself. Trees clung to the grassy side appearing to be in living and thriving order while several pools of water floated around arbitrarily and without meaning.
The sky, or whatever it was, that was all around them, outside the limits of the island swirled with a mix of dark colors. Every so often a tornado would appear and flash away.
A single house appeared to be standing on a grassy lawn several loops and turns away down the path; the only thing that seemed normal. Until it melted.
“Oh, my, my, my. Your gaze sure is intent on my home, you melted it with your… Oh,” a female voice jovially chirped, “you’re new here, I see. I imagine another toy my good amigo,” a creature appeared in front of them wearing a poncho, sombrero, and waving maracas with a toothy grin, “sent to me to have so FUN with,” she screamed a trilling noise at them.
“Oh, you’re not laughing. Is it because you’re just amorphous blobs of floating green energy? Oh, D… You’re such a fan of the classics,” she grinned waving a talon with a flourish. “There, much better.”
Tali blinked and opened her mouth, gasping for a breath as the world swam around her, her body thudded into the grass.
“We’re thirsty, give us beans,” the grass shouted as she gasped desperately.
“Oh, you need air to breathe,” the creature cooed before opening her mouth and allowing a flood of green water flow from her eyes and over Tali.
Taking a deep breath of fresh-ish water Tali began to gasp and swim at odd angles.
“O~kay, so you’re not naturally fish,” she leaned in and waved the same talon again.
Gasping for air, Tali flailed in the water. Kicking and waving as primal terror as her mind filled with thoughts of herself drowning in a weird version of hell.
The water fell to the ground, causing the grass to groan in frustration.
Okay, so elk need air where you’re from. Fine thing to learn as we go… So,” she stood tall and polished a cloven hoof on her elbow, “what are a couple of elk like you doing in my dimension like this?”
An unsteady bleating sound emanated from both now-elk soldiers as they stumbled, muzzled first into the grass.
“Help, she’s gonna eat me!” several blades screamed as the elk stood for the first time and looked around, groaning a sentence.
“I don’t speak elk, it seems. Why don’t you speak more normal.”
“I’m trying,” Tali shouted, surprising herself. She looked over to Grimm who was lying on his back trying to flip over, as a turtle.
“Ah, there we go. You speak language three,” the creature said vanishing from sight in an instant, my name is Eris,” she whispered inside Tali’s head before sliding halfway out of her nose like a worm and resting her elbows on Tali’s snout.
Tali screamed and flailed, falling to her haunches and then to her side. Grimm was still struggling, now between Tali’s front and rear legs.
“I thought you’d like that, but I guess snot, huh?”
Tali froze and looked over to Eris, then snorted a laugh.
“Well, it may snot have been very funny, but I fell for it.”
The turtle hissed.
“Well, you’re certainly a,” with a wave of her talon she produced a barrel, “barrel of laughs,” she said pouring sound notes across the two animals that popped into various chuckles.
The turtle hissed.
“Oh, he wants to join in? Well, two elk are better than one… or is that noses?” She wiggled her nose, turning Grimm into an elk who promptly fell over across Tali. “Oh my, mating season already?” Eris blushed.
“Don’t let them eat us; fight back,” the grass shouted, waving in a slight breeze against Grimm’s snout.
“Oh, shut up,” he said spitting on the grass as he forced himself up, “and you two,” he stumbled but maintained his balance, “no more jokes, just get us home, snake thingie.”
Eris gasped and clutched her chest. “Ah, to think of myself as a snake’s thingie? What a small minded creature,” she grinned proudly holding Grimm in the crook of her cloven hoof, “and what a small creature you are indeed.”
“Gah!?” he shouted stumbling and falling back as the giant yellow eyes with purple irises loomed over him.
“Hey, let him go,” Tali shouted taking to her hooves and frowning. “He may be small in a lot of ways, but he’s got a big heart.”
“Y-yeah… wait, Tali?!”
Eris laughed and threw him into her mouth as she shouted into the darkness. He fell to the ground with a splash as he splashed in the waters around him gasping.
“Help, help. Oh god, don’t let me die like this,” he wept as he panicked.
“Hey, open your eyes, genius,” Tali said from behind him.
He was in a kiddie pool and back to normal size; for an elk. He stopped thrashing and rolled to his belly, clearing his throat. “That was manly where I’m from.”
“Yeah, I can’t wait to hear you say that when you see the video,” Tali giggled from a lounge chair with a sun umbrella over her and eris, who was holding a camera, both were holding a coconut with a straw in it.
“Dear, I’m thinking this’ll get me an Oscar. Sorry Leo,” she said looking at me with a wink.
“Yeah,” he said stepping out of the pool and grumbling, “funny. Two Tali’s, just what I needed in the afterlife.”
Tali inhaled sharply. “Afterlife? But, I barely lived in my life life. I can’t be dead, not yet,” Tali looked at Eris with sad eyes.
“You’re not dead, at least not yet. The dead go through there, I don’t go in there, more moaning than date night,” Eris grinned, pressing her cheek with Tali’s and pointing at a door floating in the middle of the aether beyond the ground.
“Now, I get the feeling you’re not elk by nature. So, what are you?” Eris asked standing in front of both elk who were now side by side.
“Um, human’s, ma’am. We’re humans.”
“Well, now you have sense to speak to me like a lady,” she said wearing a frilly pink full length dress that hugged her serpentine body as she twirled a parasol and let it float her away until she vanished several feet above where she stood.
“So,” she asked sitting comfortably on Grimm’s head, “let’s get you back into your own forms, shall we?” she asked as Grimm shrieked in a very unmanly way at the creature perched on his head.
Tali chortled and fell back laughing, onto her butt.
She opened her eyes grinning as the world, while still weird, looked normal through human eyes again.
She looked at her hands and winced at their size as a sudden scream, a very girlish scream, came from her right.
She looked over to see Grimm in a light blue sun dress. Long golden hair reached to the middle of his back, his chest was easily a C cup, his skin was fair and blemish free.
He looked to Tali with one of the prettiest faces she’d ever seen in real life as her heart skipped a beat and she felt herself slyly grin.
“Hey,” a deep man’s voice rumbled from her mouth. Her eyes widened as he clutched his throat and hummed a deep baritone.
“Holy shit,” he bellowed hopping to his feet and looking to Grimm as her eyes darted across his body, stopping at his crotch.
Grimm smirked before blushing heavily and squeaking, covering her mouth and shaking her head. “No, no, no, no. I did not just… no. No. What the hell, snakie?”
They both looked to Eris who was popping popcorn between her ‘hands’ and eating them as they popped. “Well, that is most interesting. I didn’t know you had such interesting mating behaviors. Are you going to go at it right now?”
“Shut it,” Tali snapped with a glare. “I’M a woman. He’s a man. I don’t want… this thing?!”
“Oh-ho-ho? What about me,” Grimm asked as she placed her fists on her round, ample hips and turned to face Eris. Tali couldn’t help but follow the curvacious body of his best friend, stopping at her perfect ass.
Tali felt a stirring in her pants and shot Eris a glare that could kill. “Turn us right or I’ll make you regret it,” he snarled.
“Well, looked like I dun goof’d, a’hyuk,” Eris guffawed as she winked to them.
Tali sniffled and grinned. The feeling in her pants was gone, she felt her chest and sighed at the B’s that graced her, and she looked over to see Grimm, tall and handsome as he ever was… as a friend.
He did have a nice butt, though.
She shook her head and noticed his line of sight and rolled her eyes stepping toward his smirking face before she shoved his chest.
“Now I know what guys think when they look at us like that, perv.”
“Hey, I can’t help it! It’s the way of man,” he said standing still, looking down at the petite woman glaring up at him.
“Yeah, your way is the fastest way inside.”
“Yeah, it’d never fit; too small.”
“Yeah,” she grinned happily, “I’d never know it was in until you were done.”
He scowled at her then looked to Eris who was lying on a heart shaped bed, rose petals slowly rained on her from above as her eyes looked on with a sultry expression.
“Three-way?”
Both humans shouted. “SHUT UP and change us back.”
“Fine, fine. But, I have an idea,” she held a balloon up shaped like an eye with a fluorescent light bulb over it, “first; conserve and recycle, kids. You only have one planet,” she’s telling you firmly, “second, I have a better idea! Your earth is so, boring. I’ll send you to a world where excitement is around every saturday for about twenty two minutes.
“Where the sky is blue, the grass is green… and so are some of the sentient population. A world where you have a chance to make a change… or not. It’ll be just fun to peek on you as you go alone.
“Now, off with ya, ya skallywags,” Eris said to them as they were tied and standing on a plank over an ocean. The pirate captain, Eris, pointed a spaghetti noodle at them and winked.
“Computer, remove plank.”
The humans shouted as they fell, fell, fell into an endless abyss.