To most of the citizens of Equestria, this morning was much the same as any other. To Diamond Tiara, it was the official starting point of her legacy; a legacy that would last as long as the sun that shone through her window continued to rise in the east – that is, assuming that Princess Twilight Sparkle wouldn’t be put in charge of that particular task ever again.
Following a hearty yawn and a rub of her eyelids, Diamond Tiara looked to her right and saw that the spot beside her on the bed was presently unoccupied. Upon further inspection, she spotted Silver Spoon’s glasses and pearls on that side of the bed’s nightstand. As she recalled the previous night’s embarrassing event as well as the subsequent damage control, Diamond Tiara deduced that Silver Spoon was too ashamed to return to bed after the incident and had spent the remainder of the night holed up in the bathroom. As a pony who had recently lost control of her own bodily functions in plain view of others, Diamond could identify with Silver’s embarrassment and concluded that the most sensitive course of action to take was to give her friend as much time and space as she wanted.
Turning to her left, Diamond Tiara opened the drawer of her nightstand and took out a pencil and a notepad. She placed the eraser end in her mouth and spent the next few minutes writing a note. Once she had finished, she spat the pencil back into the drawer, removed the note from the rest of the pad, tossed the notepad back into the drawer, rolled over to the opposite side of the bed, and placed the note directly underneath Silver Spoon’s glasses where it couldn’t be missed.
She rolled back to her side of the bed and carefully stepped down from it. She picked up her tiara from the nightstand and tucked it into her mane securely. After strapping herself into her walking harness, she left her bedroom and shut the door behind her audibly to alert Silver Spoon to the fact that she had left the room and that Silver could exit the bathroom if she chose. She looked back at her bedroom door and silently wished Silver Spoon good luck in her recovery with a grin before trotting to a guest bedroom to begin her morning toilette.
The door to Diamond Tiara’s bathroom opened slowly. From behind it, a tiny gray muzzle poked out.
“Di?” called out Silver Spoon softly.
Nopony answered her call.
Silver Spoon spotted no moving pink blobs in the room so unless Diamond Tiara was hiding underneath the bed, it was a safe bet that the coast was clear.
Prioritizing her vision, Silver Spoon walked to the nightstand to fetch her glasses. She was currently au naturale, having disposed of her soiled pajamas in the bathroom’s trashcan last night before showering. Once her sight had been restored, she reached for her pearl necklace and found a note written in Diamond Tiara’s mouthwriting. Standing on her hind legs, she read the note while hooking her necklace clasps together behind her neck.
Dear Silver,
I put myself in your horseshoes and figured that the last thing you’d want to see when you decided to come out of the bathroom was me hovering over you and bringing up what happened. I’ve been where you are, remember? Rest assured that I meant what I said: it’s not a big deal. I’ve taken care of all of the evidence of last night’s incident. It wasn’t fun – it would have been deeply disturbing if I had found it fun – but if I had let the servants handle it, I would have had to tell them that I was responsible for it. I wasn’t about to have my best friend feel as though my servants were silently judging her every time she came over in the future. I think this is what they call ‘taking one for the team’ or something.
Silver Spoon stopped for a moment to take in what had taken place this night: rather than place the blame on the actual culprit and then getting somepony else to do it, Diamond Tiara, daughter of the wealthiest stallion in Ponyville, had actually cleaned a carpet soiled with feces and urine. Silver Spoon’s heart swelled with an even greater level of admiration for her beautiful diamond. While it would never appear in any official literature about her, Silver Spoon marked this selfless act as a benchmark of progress toward Diamond Tiara’s path as a future benevolent ruler of Equestria.
Silver Spoon smiled dreamily as she took the note in her mouth and hopped onto the bed where she crawled to Diamond Tiara’s side of the bed. She closed her eyes, buried her muzzle into the mattress, and inhaled deeply for a quick sample of paradise. Silver Spoon opened her eyes and sighed contentedly. If Elysium’s vast golden fields had a scent, it would have to be this one. She rolled onto her back and held the note up in her forehooves to read the last few lines.
I won’t bring this up again. If you want to talk about it, I’ll be around. Do whatever you want to do at your own pace.
Your awesome pal,
Di
P.S. If my guess is right, you’ll probably want to take out the bathroom trash yourself. In case you don’t know, the trashcans are out back by the garage.
Silver Spoon scowled as she remembered the alicorn princess responsible for this fiasco.
Princess Luna, she thought. That big horse; scaring me into messing myself in front of my beautiful Diamond. Why, if she was my size and didn’t have wings or magic, I’d show her a thing or two. Like, I’d beat the snot out of her so bad, a team of doctors wouldn’t be able to tell her face from her–
Silver Spoon gasped as a concern more pressing than vengeance came to mind.
“The Doctor!” she cried out, placing her forehooves against both sides of her face. “Manure! I’m gonna be late for my tutoring!” She ran for her overnight bag, grabbed it, slung it over her back, and ran to the bathroom. She retrieved the tied-closed trashbag in her mouth and sprinted for the door.
Fluttershy opened the top half of her cottage door and rested her forelegs across the bottom half as she took her first deep breath of fresh Ponyville air. This practice was her morning cup of coffee; even half a cup of the genuine article caused her to become easily startled.
“Good morning, Ponyville,” chirped Fluttershy with a grin, adjusting her bathrobe. “It looks like it’s going to be another lovely da-”
Fluttershy cut herself off due to an object that she spotted on the ground by her doorstep. It was a medium sized partially hooded basket stuffed with a baby blue blanket.
“Oh, my,” she exclaimed. “Somepony must have dropped off an animal for me to look after. Well, I’m always happy to help a new animal friend. I’d better bring him or her inside before removing the blanket in case they’re sensitive to chilly morning air.” She opened the lower half of her door, stepped through it, and took the basket handle in her mouth. Lifting the basket required a little more effort than she expected she’d need but she managed. “Goodness, you’re a little heavier than I thought you’d be. Are you a puppy who grew up too fast for your owner? Or maybe there’s more than one of you in there?” She turned around and went back inside, shutting both halves of the door behind her.
A yawning Angel Bunny wandered into the living room to see what had caught Fluttershy’s attention.
“Good morning, Angel,” said Fluttershy as she placed the basket on the living room table and turned her head to look at her bunny companion. “Somepony’s brought us a new house guest; maybe several. You be sure to be extra nice to them, okay?”
Angel grinned politely and nodded.
“Good boy,” she said with a warm smile.
When Fluttershy returned her attention to the basket, Angel rolled his eyes and slapped himself on the forehead. He believed that living conditions at the cottage were strained enough without another sob story critter taking up more precious space. He had lost count of the number of times that various birds had dropped “gifts” on his head from up high. And the process of getting a decent portion of food had become a competition of how fast you could run when feeding time was announced. The surly lapine hopped over to a nearby water bottle that was not currently in use (the reason for his practice of getting up earlier than most of the other critter residents) and drank his fill as Fluttershy removed the blanket to greet the newest addition to the household.
His ears rotated as he detected a series of sounds from his owner; sputtering and stammering followed by rapid breathing. He turned his head and saw that Fluttershy was in a serious state of panic. He had borne witness to Fluttershy panicking many times before but never like this. She was trembling, her pupils had narrowed, and her mouth opened and closed as she struggled in vain to form words that simply wouldn’t come out.
Angel ran to Fluttershy and thumped her forehoof with his hind leg to get her attention and see if she was all right. It had no effect. She did not look down at him. She backed away from the basket in the direction of the door with the steadfastness of a clock tower automaton. He watched as she took shaky backward steps. Standing in front of her, he hopped up and down on his hind legs while waving his forelegs, hoping to snap her out of her malaise. Just as before, her eyes remained fixed on the contents of the basket.
When she was close enough to the door, she kicked it open with her right hind leg, turned around, and fled from the cottage. Angel ran to the door and saw that she had taken to the air. She was flying somewhat erratically toward the middle of town to parts unknown. Angel hoped that Fluttershy hadn’t forgotten that she was pregnant and would be cautious not to injure either herself or the bun in her oven during this impromptu trip.
Angel slowly turned around to face the table.
The basket looked like any number of baskets he had seen left on the doorstep before. It was constructed with a noncollapsible hood at one end for partial protection from sunlight for whatever creature lay within. He knew that Fluttershy was familiar with every animal in the world and she feared none of them. So what in Celestia’s name was in that basket that had terrified her so? Even if the animal hadn’t survived, it would have caused Fluttershy to cry and she would at least have given it a proper burial if only to protect its body from any visiting carrion eaters.
While Angel fancied himself to be more courageous than Fluttershy in most cases, he still possessed a rabbit’s instinct to bolt when faced with danger. But was there any actual danger from which he should run? He should have woken up some of the birds sleeping in the many birdhouses above him and asked them what they saw in there but he was feeling brazen today and decided to clearing this hurdle on his own.
He climbed up a stool and hopped onto the table, taking cautious steps toward his objective.
Was there some strange species of snake inside? No, that didn’t seem right. Fluttershy was just as comfortable around reptiles as she was around mammals. If anything, Angel hoped that all it contained was a snake. He had been dodging wild snake strikes since he was a youngster and had never come close to being bitten once. What concerned him was that there might be something in there faster and more lethal than a snake. He concluded that Fluttershy would never have flown off and left a dangerous creature in her home if it was a threat to the cottage’s residents no matter how scary it appeared to be.
The hood of the basket blocked his view of its contents so his advancement went unseen and, thanks to his soft rabbit paws, unheard. Fluttershy had set the basket down fairly close to the edge of the table, leaving Angel next to no wiggle room if he was to walk out in front of it and look inside. Three and a half feet was a considerable drop when one was his size.
Angel angled his ears every which way to detect any sounds that might provide some valuable intel.
Nothing.
Whatever critter was inside the basket wasn’t moving a muscle. Angel didn’t even hear any breathing coming.
Similarly, his sense of smell delivered inconclusive intel. There was the musty scent of the wicker material which comprised the basket, the fragrance of the detergent used to launder the blanket, and a fairly prominent metallic scent – as well as the faint scent of something sweet – but nothing he could identify.
With shaky legs, the rabbit drew closer. His heart was beating rapidly in his chest as he was now almost close enough to touch the basket. On one paw, he knew that silence was his only ally during this stealth mission. On the other paw, for the first time in recent memory, he actually craved the comforting sounds of the midday hullabaloo of multiple critters going about their business throughout the living room.
Angel spotted a long wooden spoon lying on the table and came up with an idea: he would use it to reach in and touch the basket’s interior from the side rather than risk sneaking a peek. Any attack on the spoon by the creature in the basket would be one less attack on him and his decision to flee the premises would be justified.
Taking a short detour, he crawled to the spoon, cradled it in his forelegs, and crawled the rest of the way to the basket on his elbows and knees like a private in royal guard basic training. He stood on his hind legs with his back against the basket wall. Ignoring the drop of sweat that trickled down his forehead, he gave himself a count of three to implement his plan.
One.
Two.
Three.
Angel swung the spoon with a little too much enthusiasm and wound up striking the interior. The strike resulted in a dull thud followed by, of all sounds, a clink. Nothing else happened – and something certainly should have if anything was alive in there.
Angel retracted his spoon and his stomach flip-flopped when he spied a trickle of blood running down the spoon’s handle. Angel screamed at the sight of it and dropped the spoon. It clattered against the surface of the table, spattering the blood that had collected on it. He was about to run away but skidded to a halt.
Something was off.
He turned around and approached the spoon. This liquid neither looked nor smelled like blood. He dipped his paw in one of the red droplets from the table and sniffed the substance. It bore the sweet smell he detected from earlier. He licked his paw and rolled his tongue around in his mouth to taste it, spitting it out after determining what it was.
This was corn syrup mixed with what was most likely red food coloring.
Angel frowned. He was officially fed up with this mystery. If there was a predator inside this infernal basket, it would have to be the most patient one in the world and, after not reacting to the spoon assault, deserved to have him as a meal – almost.
Puffing up his chest, he walked around the basket and scaled the front of it to see what was inside.
Angel’s eyes widened as he finally understood Fluttershy’s reaction regarding the basket’s contents.
It was a rag doll.
It was a baby pony doll spattered with false blood – and surrounding that doll was what looked to be about one hundred bits.
Somepony out there, most likely a member of the GeRMs, had left a ghastly and expensive message at Fluttershy’s doorstep: they knew that she was carrying Filthy Rich’s unborn child – and that they intended to harm it.
Angel took a step back and fell from the basket rim to the table surface below, landing on his bottom. His heart beat faster as he trembled with worry. His owner had faced off against dangerous monsters before and they were easily spotted, avoided and/or defeated. But this was a threat from within. Anypony in town could be the GeRM extremist that sent this basket – meaning danger could be as close as one house away.
Some mice and birds entered the living room, followed by a few squirrels and rabbits. They chirped and chittered for their breakfast and were causing quite a racket. Harry the Bear lumbered in and, smelling the corn syrup inside the basket, helped himself by picking up the basket and licking the interior.
Angel thumped on the table with his right hind foot repeatedly to get every critter’s attention. Once he had it, he began a series of mimes to communicate to his critter brethren that they all needed to keep a watchful eye over their beloved caretaker and to act as a team in order to defend her if the need arose.
Princess Twilight Sparkle was trying her best to pay attention as Filthy Rich’s defense attorney Haul Goodwagon cross examined a pony on the witness stand. To Twilight, every day in this building was as boring as the one before it (the verdict was predetermined, after all) and she knew that she would have to get used to the monotony if she wanted to keep from going mad. She let her mind wander by imagining the architectural layout of the future Princess Twilight Sparkle University. What kind of revolutionary thinkers, scholars, and scientists would PTSU turn out?
Twilight’s daydream was interrupted by the hallway door being smashed open. Everypony in the courtroom looked at the yellow pegasus who had broken the door down and was now lying on the floor. Twilight recognized the pony as Fluttershy.
“RICHIEEE!!!” sobbed Fluttershy as she got to her hooves and ran toward Filthy Rich who appeared to be just as surprised by this as everypony else.
Twilight gasped. In Fluttershy’s current state of panic, she risked exposing herself as somepony who had some kind of relationship with the accused. Before Fluttershy reached Filthy Rich, Twilight teleported both Fluttershy and herself to her private office.
“Fluttershy, what on earth are you doing here?” asked Twilight.
“Where’s Richie??” asked a trembling and hysterical Fluttershy. “I have to see him now!! It’s very important!!”
“Calm down. I can’t teleport him away right after you show up out of nowhere shouting his name. Ponies would talk – assuming that they’re not talking already. Wait here. I’ll teleport back to the courtroom, call for an adjournment, and I’ll have the bailiff escort Filthy to this office while nopony’s watching. That’ll look a lot less suspicious. With any luck, we still might be able to salvage your secret.”
Fluttershy sniffled as she absorbed Twilight’s words and nodded.
“Okay,” whimpered Fluttershy. “But somepony already knows about my marriage and my baby so please hurry. I’m afraid of being alone right now.”
“Nopony’s gonna hurt you here,” reassured Twilight as she placed her right forehoof on Fluttershy’s shoulder. “You have my word on that.”
“Thank you, Twilight.”
Twilight vanished from the office to carry out her plan.
Pinkie Pie sat quietly on the cushy floor of a large padded room in Ponyville Hospital. She was wearing a straitjacket that she had earned when she chose to resist the orderlies assigned with the task of placing her in this room. Underneath the straitjacket was a head-to-hoof white bodysuit similar to the one she had on when she was brought in last night. She hadn’t slept. She drank some water but ate very little food. The night vision goggles over her eyes still held some tears that she shed from the night before.
The door opened and a pair of orderlies entered the room. One stood by the door and kept a watchful eye on Pinkie while the other approached her.
“Don’t try to take off my clothing,” warned Pinkie.
“Don’t worry,” said the closer orderly. “Your friends left us very specific instructions not to touch your bare coat. I’m just here to remove your straitjacket. Are you okay with letting me do that?”
Pinkie nodded. The orderly removed her straitjacket and stepped away from her once he had completed his task. Pinkie stretched her forelegs as she watched the orderlies.
“And why are you letting me out of my straitjacket anyway?”
“Because you have some visitors today, Miss Pie,” said the orderly. “Miss Applejack along with your sisters.”
Pinkie sat on the floor.
“You can send them in,” instructed Pinkie Pie. “I’m ready to receive them.”
The orderlies left the room. Applejack, Marble, and Maud entered. They trod cautiously along the cushioned floor as they made their way to the party pony.
“Hi, Pinkie Pie,” said Applejack.
Pinkie Pie sneered and glared at Applejack.
“Don’t you ‘Hi, Pinkie Pie’ me, Betrayer Betrayerson,” retorted Pinkie.
Applejack scratched the back of her head and took a few steps back. She tipped her hat forward to cover her eyes.
“Hello, Pinkie,” greeted Maud.
“H-Hi, Pinkie,” greeted Marble softly.
“Hey, guys,” greeted an unenthusiastic Pinkie. “Where’s Limestone?”
“She has an important job to do and couldn’t make it,” replied Marble.
“We heard from Applejack that you think you have some strange ability to look into the past or the future,” reported Maud.
Pinkie closed her eyes and turned her nose up.
“I know how it must sound to you so I’m not even going to bother explaining it,” she declared.
“How do you think it sounds to us, Pinkie?” asked Maud. “Crazy?”
“Call it what you will. If those kids don’t die, it’ll be your kids who’ll live just long enough to see Equestria burn. I don’t want that to happen. Do you?”
“G-Goodness, no,” replied Marble as she sat and held her forehooves against her mouth.
“Then break me out of here so I can eliminate them.”
“That isn’t going to happen, Pinkie,” declared Maud.
“Then pick up the gauntlet in my place. Kill Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon for me. For us. For everypony.”
“You poor thing,” said Maud as she approached Pinkie.
“Don’t try to take off my clothing.”
“I won’t.” Maud drew closer to Pinkie and looked her in the eye. “Hmm.”
“What?” asked Pinkie.
“Your eyes. You really believe in this mission of yours.”
“Well, duh!”
“That’s too bad. I wish that that wasn’t the case... because the hospital won’t release you until the doctors are one hundred percent certain that you’re no danger to anypony.”
“I know. Hey, I know what you can do.”
“What’s that?”
“Hoof wrestle me, Maud.”
“Hoof wrestle you? What for?”
“If I can’t get out of here, I can at least appoint somepony on the outside to this task. I challenge you to a hoof wrestle. If you lose, you kill those kids.”
Applejack stepped forward.
“That’s crazy talk!” she barked.
Maud held out a hoof to silence Applejack.
“Just a moment, Applejack,” requested Maud. “Pinkie, let me get this straight: you want me to kill those children for you.”
Pinkie rolled her head.
“Not for me; for the future. I need somepony to do it so it might as well be somepony I can trust to get the job done.”
“Why would you pick a hoof wrestling contest? You’ve never even come close to beating me.”
“I have a reason to win now. Here are my terms: If I win, you have to Pinkie Promise me that you’ll kill Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.”
“I don’t see what you’re trying to prove but I agree to your terms.”
Applejack and Marble looked at one another.
“And if I beat you,” elaborated Maud, “you have to Pinkie Promise that you’ll listen to your doctors and that you won’t harm those two fillies once you’re released.”
“Agree-.”
“Hold on just a minute, now,” interrupted Applejack. “This don’t sound like a good wager to me, Maud. What if ya lose?”
“There’s no need for concern, Applejack. My sister is a lot of things but she isn’t a devotee of Terra to the degree that I am. An earth pony dedicated to geology receives abilities from Terra. Increased physical strength. Superequine endurance. And, in your case, superior agricultural proficiency. An earth pony dedicated to party planning, I’m sorry to say, does not have that same connection to Terra. A contest of strength is one which I simply cannot lose to my sister. Besides, until something else comes along that can get her to give up this morbid obsession, this is the best shot we have at getting my sister back home sooner rather than later.”
“Ah don’t know,” cautioned Applejack. “Havin’ almost lost mah family’s farm to the Flim Flam brothers has given me cause fer panic when it comes ta wagers.”
“I Pinkie promise to stick to my word,” said Maud. “If you can beat me fair and square, I’ll take it as a sign from Terra that your cause is just and do anything it takes to end those two fillies, come Tartaros or high water.”
“Um, you guys,” squeaked Marble. “We don’t have a table for you to hoof wrestle on.”
“Sure we do,” said Pinkie. “We have a table of polished Marble.” Pinkie Pie pressed down on Marble’s back until she sank to her belly. Both competitors placed their right elbow on Marble’s back and joined hooves. The goggles obscured Pinkie’s eyes earlier but now that she was closer to her sister, Maud could see the determined eyes behind the yellow plastic lenses. -
“On three,” said Applejack. “One... Two...”
“Rocks are boring and so are you, Maud,” declared Pinkie.
Though it was imperceptible to almost everypony else but Pinkie Pie, Maud flinched at her beloved sister’s insult – and that flinch was exactly what Pinkie had hoped Maud would offer her. In the fraction of a second that it took for Maud’s brain to formulate a response to her sister’s harsh words, Pinkie Pie used the distraction to deliver a heinous headbutt straight into Maud’s nose.
As if in slow motion, Maud’s eyes closed as she staggered backward from the blow, crimson ribbons of blood gushing up from her nostrils. Pinkie then grabbed Marble’s tail and, with a ferocious growl, swung her timid sibling into Maud’s abdomen. The attack knocked the wind out of both Maud and Marble. Neither got up.
Applejack was so shocked by Pinkie’s assault on her own sisters that she froze. That hesitation cost her as the lightning quick party pony tagged the farmpony with a right cross to the jaw that knocked Applejack out cold.
Pinkie sprinted for the door. If she was fast enough, she could find an exit and once again be free to hunt the fillies destined to ravage the land she loved.
However, the only thing Pinkie found when she ran out the door was that Limestone was very good at ramming her head into things.
Igneous Rock’s grumpiest daughter had been waiting just outside the door the whole time, poised to counter just such an escape. She plowed into Pinkie Pie’s chest with the force of a runaway apple cart. Pinkie never saw the attack coming and when she hit the floor, she did not rise. She groaned and rolled from side to side, holding her chest and looking at the stars circling around her head. Some birds joined the stars in their circling but the stars took exception to the uninvited avians and the two sides argued over whose gig this was.
“BOOYAHHH!!!” shouted Limestone triumphantly and she stood on two legs and postured to celebrate her attack. “Dee-fense!”
Limestone went to Marble, loaned her a hoof in getting back on all four hooves, and then did the same for Maud.
“See? What did I tell you guys? You always underestimated the Pinkster. But not me. I know how resilient the little pinball can be when she’s got her mind set on something. I’m just lucky that her blasted Pinkie sense didn’t tip her off that I was out there. Is your nose broken, Maud?”
“I thigk so,” honked Maud as she placed her left foreleg underneath her nose to prevent blood from pouring all over the white cushioned floor. “Ad least id happed id a hospidal.”
“I’m okay, too,” offered Marble as she went to check on Applejack. “That was excessive force you used to subdue Pinkie, Limestone.”
“I agree,” honked Maud. “If dis floor wasd’t so soft, you bight hab gibed her a codcussiod.”
Limestone grinned snarkily as she swiped her right forehoof across her nose.
“Aw, thanks, sis,” said Limestone with mock humility, “but I think you’re giving me way too much credit. She’s got a noggin harder than Holder’s Boulder.” She walked over to where Pinkie Pie lay. “How’re ya doin’ there, Pinkamena Diane? I didn’t bang you up too badly, did I?”
“Gwohhhh...” uttered Pinkie.
“Well, gwohhhh or not, that’s what you get for hitting your own sisters.”
“I forgive you for breakig by dose, Pigkie,” honked Maud as she looked down at the fallen party pony. “Add Barble forgives you, too.”
“I do?” queried Marble as she rubbed her sore ribs.
“We just wadt you to ged bedder add we all thigk dis is the best place for you to get help.” Maud looked upward at Limestone. “I deed to get fixed up. I’ll sedd hospidal persoddel for Applejagk and Pigkie.”
Limestone nodded and Maud left the room.
“And you remember that Limestone Express I just unleashed on your sorry rump, Pinkamena Diane,” directed Limestone. “Because even though I love you, I’ll give you another if you try to break out of here again to kill some fillies. You’re a Pie. And Mom and Dad would be devastated if you became the black – or pink – sheep in the family via murder. You might not care about that but I do.”
“Doesn’t matter,” gurgled Pinkie, wincing as she felt brave enough to remove her forehooves from her chest to lay them by her sides. “Nothing matters if I can’t get out of here to kill them. Nopony believes me... I have nopony to turn to... so I give up.” Tears welled up in her eyes and ran across her face as she stared at the ceiling. “Equestria’s as good as doomed. Maybe I’ll live to see it – and maybe I won’t.” She placed her forehooves on her head and closed her eyes. “I feel dizzy. Can somepony please call me a nurse?”
“You’re a nurse,” whispered Marble, crying along with her troubled sister.
Pinkie Pie giggled until it hurt – and then groaned some more.
Silver Spoon ran to get to the front door of her home in order to allow her guest admittance. The servants were instructed to always allow Silver Spoon to personally open the door when Diamond Tiara was visiting the estate. Silver slowly pulled the door open and saw her best friend standing at her doorstep, looking fabulous as always with a fancy pair of white saddlebags strapped to either side of her harness.
“Hey,” said Diamond.
“Hi,” said Silver Spoon, beaming with joy.
“Do you want a hug?”
Silver Spoon nodded.
“Always,” she said.
They held one another tenderly and Silver Spoon knew bliss once again.
“Thank you so much for this morning, Di. You’re a lifesaver.”
Diamond Tiara shrugged.
“Meh; only when there’s a life worth saving. Otherwise, my track record isn’t so hot.” She released the hug and took a step back. “How are you doing?”
“Good.”
“You sure?”
Silver Spoon grinned and bit her lower lip while rolling her eyes upward.
“Welllllllllll... I think so... but...”
“But what?”
Silver blushed.
“I mean... I’m oooo-kay but I’d be a lot better than okay if you... ummm... y’know...” Silver Spoon lowered her head and gently tapped her right forehoof against her forehead.
Diamond Tiara smirked and planted a soft kiss on Silver Spoon’s forehead. Silver Spoon closed her eyes and flashed a smile.
“Why do I feel like I’ve opened a door that I can’t close?” asked Diamond Tiara slyly.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Miss Tiara,” fibbed Silver Spoon as a wide grin broke her poker face. “Come on in and meet your new teacher.”
The girls walked to the living room table and The Doctor rose from his seat to meet his new student.
“Hello, Miss Tiara,” said The Doctor. “I am The Doctor.” He placed his right forehoof atop Silver Spoon’s forelock and rubbed it affectionately, making her smile. “Silver here has kept me informed about the various misfortunes which have befallen you as of late and I sincerely wish you the best of luck on the road ahead of you.”
Diamond Tiara grinned.
“Thanks, Doctor,” she chirped. “You’re a pretty slick communicator, huh? How would you like a long term position in PR and campaign management?”
“Hey!” protested Silver Spoon. “That’s my future job!”
“I was only teasing,” explained Diamond Tiara with a grin. She stuck her tongue out at Silver Spoon.
“Wheelbarrow.”
“Did you bring your paperwork, Miss Tiara?” asked The Doctor.
“I sure did,” replied Diamond Tiara. She reached into her saddlebag and produced a manila envelope containing the documents to finalize her homeschooling status.
“Well, everything seems to be in order. I’ll submit these to the Ponyville school board this afternoon and you can begin lessons alongside Silver Spoon as early as next Monday. I look forward to teaching you everything that I can.”
“And I look forward to learning everything you can teach me.”
“It looks as though I can skip the lessons on how to be charming. You’re already quite proficient at that skill.”
“Flattery from a stallion with a Trottingham accent,” sighed Diamond Tiara happily. “Be still, my heart.”
Silver Spoon puffed her cheeks out.
“He’s never called me charming,” muttered Silver Spoon under her breath.
“I don’t have anywhere to be right now,” noted Diamond Tiara. “Would you mind if I hang around and watch you do your teaching thing with Shpewnykins here for a while?”
“Not at all,” replied The Doctor.
Diamond Tiara walked over to the couch and lay on it, rolling her harness on its side so she could get comfortable without soiling the upholstery with dirty wheels. As the lesson began, something caught her eye: a copy of this morning’s Ponyville Express on the coffee table. The cover featured four stallions whose faces she didn’t recognize and one filly whose face she immediately recognized: Zippoorwhill’s.
Silver Spoon ignored the rustling of newspaper pages behind her as she attempted to pay attention to The Doctor’s lesson. The wail of sorrow that Diamond Tiara emitted was something that neither she nor The Doctor could ignore.
Both Silver Spoon and The Doctor left their seats and ran to Diamond Tiara.
“Di, what’s wrong?” asked Silver Spoon, stepping over the newspaper that Diamond had dropped.
“Are you all right, Miss Tiara?”
“She’s dea-hea-heaaad!” bawled Diamond Tiara, her face buried in the couch.
“Who’s dead?” asked Silver Spoon.
“Zippoorwhill! The paper said somepony murdered her!”
Silver Spoon’s ears lowered.
“Oh, Diamond,” said Silver as sympathetically as she could. “I’m so sorry.” She reached out to give her friend a consoling touch.
“NO!” squealed Diamond as she backed away from Silver Spoon while holding out her right foreleg to discourage any further attempt to come near her. Diamond Tiara’s pupils shrank to the size of marbles.
“Di, I... I was just gonna hold you,” explained Silver Spoon, frightened by the way Diamond Tiara was looking at her.
“No... No... You can’t!” Diamond sniffled. “Silver, I-I can’t take classes here with you.”
“What? Why not?”
“Zippoorwhill was killed because her murderer mistook her for me! I don’t want anything like that to happen to you! I... I have to leave Ponyville before you’re the next victim!”
Diamond Tiara hopped off the couch and ran for the door.
“Di, wait!” shouted Silver Spoon.
“Please don’t follow me!”
Silver Spoon hooked her forelegs around the rear axle of Diamond Tiara’s harness and planted her rump on the carpet. Diamond grunted as she attempted to press forward but was stopped inches away from the front door.
“LET ME GOOOOO!!” screamed Diamond Tiara. She wriggled and bit down on the harness straps, presumably to unbuckle them and run with all four of her legs once she had been freed.
“STOP THAT!!” cried Silver Spoon as she deduced what Diamond Tiara was doing. “You aren’t supposed to run with your hind legs yet! You could hurt yourself!”
“I DON’T CARE!!” shouted Diamond Tiara through clenched teeth as she continued to pull her harness straps. “Better me than you!”
Silver Spoon tipped Diamond Tiara’s harness over until Diamond lost her balance and fell on her left side. Silver quickly pounced on top of Diamond and pinned her to the carpet, holding the pink filly’s forelegs down with her forehooves.
“Not that I don’t appreciate the noble sentiment, Di,” huffed Silver Spoon, “but no matter what happens, I belong by your side! How could you not know that, you big dork? You can’t save our friendship by running away from it. We’ll get through this; just please don’t abandon me!”
Abandon.
The word was one that Diamond Tiara associated exclusively with her female parent.
In no way, shape, or form would Diamond Tiara ever employ abandonment herself; not as long as she still possessed a shred of integrity.
Diamond Tiara stopped struggling and caught her breath.
“You’re right. I made you a promise and I almost broke it. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s all right. You panicked. I forgive you.”
Diamond Tiara’s eyes watered and tears ran down her cheeks as she resumed her mourning.
“Oh, Zip!” she sobbed. “Why’d it have to be you?”
Silver Spoon lay her cheek against Diamond’s cheek and stroked her mane.
“Is everything all right, Silver Spoon?” asked a female servant of the household.
“Yes, Agnes,” replied Silver Spoon. She was a little embarrassed that her servants had been subjected to this dramatic display and that she had been found lying over her best friend’s body on the floor. “I’ll summon you if I need anything.” Agnes nodded and returned to her duties.
The Doctor delicately approached the distraught fillies.
“Pardon me, ladies,” he said in a hushed voice, “but in light of recent events, I think it best that we skip your lessons for today, Silver.”
“I think so, too. Thank you, Doctor.”
With the path to the front door blocked by the fillies, The Doctor let himself out through the back door.
Although Diamond Tiara was still saddened by the loss of her new friend, enough of her strength returned to her to where she could stand and retire to the couch to continue her grieving. Silver Spoon helped her to scale the couch.
“Would you like a drink of water?” asked Silver Spoon.
“I guess so,” replied Diamond weakly.
Silver Spoon walked past the newspaper and did a double take as she recognized the stallions whose photos graced the cover of the newspaper.
“Oh, my gosh,” whispered Silver as she snatched up the newspaper and flipped to the article. “It’s them!” Once she finished reading the pertinent information in the article, her head slowly tilted backward as she looked up at the ceiling. Her molesters had been burned to death. Did Elysium welcome them or had they been burned so as to be given a taste of what awaited them in Tartarus?
“Them who?” asked Diamond Tiara.
“The stallions who-”
Silver Spoon hesitated.
“The stallions who what?” prodded Diamond Tiara. “The ones who were burned to to death?” Silver did not answer and the change in Diamond Tiara’s inflection indicated that she had become concerned by Silver’s hesitation to divulge how she came to know those stallions. “Silver? Who were those stallions to you?”
Silver’s mouth opened and closed a few times before she settled on the right words.
“Do you remember when Miss Cheerilee attacked you?” she asked.
Rolling her head and her eyes simultaneously, Diamond Tiara glared at Silver Spoon.
“No, I don’t,” replied Diamond Tiara sarcastically. “When did that happen?”
Silver Spoon smirked.
“I guess that was a pretty stupid question,” she admitted. “I brought Mayor Mare back with me to rescue you... but before I found her, I ran into these stallions... and they took turns... touching me inappropriately.”
Silver Spoon watched as Diamond Tiara’s jaw drop in astonishment.
“AND YOU DIDN’T THINK TO TELL ME ABOUT THIS??” screamed Diamond Tiara.
“I didn’t know how to bring it up,” said Silver Spoon in her defense as she twiddled her forehooves. “I kinda didn’t want you to know that it happened at all. My parents don’t even know about it. I just wanted to forget the whole thing happened.”
Diamond Tiara scowled.
“THOSE MOTHERRUTTERS!!” she screamed. “If they weren’t already dead, I’d rutting kill them myself!!”
“There!” yelped Silver Spoon. “You see? That anger of yours is one of the reasons why I didn’t tell you about it!”
“Why shouldn’t I be angry when somepony assaults my friend? Aren’t you angry?”
“I was – but not anymore. I forgave them... and I feel better for it.”
Diamond Tiara’s eyes widened in response to Silver’s declaration.
“You forgave them?”
Silver Spoon nodded once.
“You’re not the only filly trying to change,” said Silver Spoon. “I forgave them because I was sick with fear, shame, and hatred and I knew I didn’t want to keep those emotions inside of me. I couldn’t change what they did to me but I could change how I dealt with it. Forgiving them was the healthiest choice. I let go of my hatred and I have no regrets.”
Diamond Tiara appeaered to allow her friend’s philosophy to sink in.
“Maybe you can forgive me, too,” muttered Diamond softly.
“For what?”
“If I hadn’t provoked Miss Cheerilee into attacking me, she wouldn’t have hit you and you never would have had the need to run outside to get help. You bumped into those stallions because of me. This is exactly what I was talking about a second ago. Cause and effect. What they did to you is my fault.”
“Oh, stop it, Di. Don’t even try to blame yourself for what happened to me. They made their choice. You didn’t make it for them. Don’t take this out on yourself.”
Diamond Tiara licked her teeth audibly.
“What is it?” inquired Silver Spoon.
“There’s something I need to do,” she replied. Offering no further details, Diamond rolled off the couch and walked toward the front door.
“You won’t leave town, I assume?”
“I promise I will not leave town.” Diamond opened the front door. “As a matter of fact, I’ll be back here at your place before sunset. What are you having for dinner?”
“Cream of mushroom soup.”
“Sounds delicious. Save me a seat... and don’t start eating without me.”
Diamond Tiara shut the door behind her. Silver Spoon ran to the window closest to her and watched Diamond board her stagecoach and depart for parts unknown.
Silver Spoon rang for a servant. Agnes returned to the living room.
“Agnes, please tell the rest of the servants not to judge Diamond Tiara for what they overheard here today. She’s just going through a rough patch and it’s a very emotional time for her. If I hear of anypony denying her access to the estate for any reason or treating her like anything other than an honored guest, I’ll personally see to it that they’re terminated immediately. Are we absolutely clear on this?”
“Yes, Silver Spoon. Will there be anything else?”
“Yes. Set a place for Diamond Tiara at the table when dinner is served. She’ll be dining with us tonight. Also, I’ll be stepping out in a little while. I expect I’ll be back before lunch.”
The gates to Diamond Tiara’s mansion clinked shut behind Silver Spoon while she trotted up to the doorway. The door opened and head butler Randolph was there to greet her.
“Good afternoon, Miss Spoon,” greeted Randolph.
“Good afternoon, Randolph,” greeted Silver Spoon. “How are you?”
“I’m well, Miss Spoon. And how are you?”
“I’m good, thanks.”
“Excellent. I’m terribly sorry but the mistress is presently not on the grounds.”
“That’s fine; better than fine, really. I came here for two reasons and neither of them were to see Diamond. The first is that I want to apologize to you.”
“I don’t recall you ever being rude to me in a way that required an apology.”
“Right; just like I don’t recall ever doing anything to you that would be considered polite. For all the times I’ve been over the mansion, I don’t think I’ve ever said hello to you or asked you how your day was or even treated you like an equine being. I’ve been raised to keep my family’s servants at foreleg’s length so I’m just as distant with Di’s servants – including you. As part of my new life philosophy, I’m trying to treat everypony with respect and kindness so I hope you’ll forgive me if I’ve ever been anything less than polite to you in the past.”
“Why, thank you very much, Miss Spoon. I appreciate that and I accept your apology. You mentioned there was a second thing?”
“Yes. Could you please tell me what Diamond Tiara’s mother’s name is?”
Randolph grunted.
“Certainly, Miss Spoon. Her name was Fleur Dis Lee... and might I say that a madder mare has never walked through these halls.”
“Fleur Dis Lee; I think I’ve heard that name somewhere before. I think my dad might have talked about her once.”
“I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if your father was acquainted with her. She is a supermodel – or at least she was one before becoming the bit of fluff hanging off of the coattails of Fancy Pants. May I ask why you’re inquiring about her?”
Silver Spoon pensively tapped her chin with her left forehoof and looked up at Rnadolph with a smile.
“Just curious, I suppose. Thanks for the information, Randolph. I have to go now. Goodbye.”
“You’re welcome, Miss Spoon... and a good day to you.” Randolph went inside and shut the door. The lock to the front gate clinked and the gate itself slowly swung open.
Silver Spoon pronked down the path to the gate with a mild grin. She didn’t want to celebrate just yet – it was too early for that – but she had acquired one more piece of the puzzle than she had a minute ago and that made her happy. The day that all of the pieces would be put together and she achieved her ultimate goal; that day would be the time to party.
Two burly orderlies were quietly enjoying their meal in the Ponyville Hospital employee break room. The door opened and a pony the size and stature of a filly hobbled inside. Her hair was tied up in an unflattering bun and she wore thick glasses that made her eyes difficult to see.
“Kid, you can’t come in here,” said one of the orderlies.
“I’m not a kid, buster,” replied the pony in a high pitched voice. “I’m a dwarf pony – but everypony makes that mistake so don’t sweat it. Well, what a stroke of luck. You’re both in the same place. Saves me wear and tear on my bad knees running through half the hospital looking for you. Would you mind explaining what you two are doing?”
“It’s called ‘eating’,” replied one of the orderlies. The other orderly chuckled.
“Well, I can see why you’re an orderly and not currently filling seats at standup comedy clubs around Equestria. New question: why are you eating before the patient has been relocated to room 314?”
“Who are you? And what patient?”
“I’m Dotting Eyes, the director’s new administrative assistant,” she replied as she shoved her badge in their faces. “And Miss Screwloose is the ‘what patient’. The requisition to relocate her came in less than half an hour ago.” Dotting Eyes presented the orderlies with a clipboard that had a document on it. One orderly took the clipboard and skimmed through the paperwork.
“Well, no wonder we didn’t hear about it,” he said while still chewing. “We started our lunch break when this came in.”
“And you think that’s a valid excuse? Finish your Celestia-damned food later! Princess Twilight is on her way here right now to see Screwloose!”
“Princess Twilight?”
The other orderly cleared his mouth before speaking.
“Get somepony else to relocate her. We’re eating.”
“Do you think I would have been sent to find you two if somepony else was available?” asked Dotting rhetorically. “Everypony else licensed to handle patients is already busy with their own tasks preparing for Princess Twilight’s arrival. But you know what? Have it your way. I’ve done my job. All I know is that I wouldn’t want to be in your horseshoes when the director – our boss – asks you two why you decided to keep stuffing your faces when you were informed by yours truly that a princess was coming to visit somepony in this hospital and she was kept waiting. And if the consequences of this decision don’t concern you... well, I hear The Hayburger is hiring.”
The orderlies abandoned their meals and ran to complete their task.
“You’ve got eleven minutes!” shouted Dotting Eyes.
The pony known as Screwloose ran her left forehoof against the wall of her padded cell and she sighed for want of something to do. It was determined by her doctors that she was no danger to herself and was spared the degradation of a straitjacket.
Her ears perked up from the sounds of the door opening. A pair of orderlies entered with a guerney in tow.
“H-Hello,” said Screwloose. “How are you?”
The orderlies picked her up and strapped her into the gurney with little care for her comfort.
“Easy, EASY!” she cried. “I’m not resisting. Where are we going?”
“To see the princess,” replied the orderly.
“‘The princess’? A princess wants to see me? Which one?”
The orderlies didn’t answer. They rushed her over to room 314 where she was removed from the guerney and strapped into the bed with frightening speed. The gag strap was brought from the left side of the bed, placed inside her mouth, and locked into place on the right side. The strap was put in place so quickly that she didn’t have time to protest its usage. When she was fully secured, the orderlies rushed out without so much as a goodbye.
Moments later, Dotting Eyes hobbled into the room and locked the door behind her. She was carrying a saddlebag and some sort of metal device that looked like a folded walker.
“Don’t get up on my account,” said Dotting Eyes. She set her saddlebag down and lay her walker on it. She removed the pin from her hair and her long locks spilled down about her shoulders. “You know, this institution has got to be hiring from the shallow end of the gene pool. The orderlies who strapped you in are as dumb as posts. When I’m older, I’ll build the finest mental institution around – with staff that has something between their ears other than hoofball stats, SubPlot magazine, and the thought of their next mug of cider.”
Dotting Eyes removed her glasses. She took her walker and unfolded it. She lowered its wheels and stepped into it backwards. She secured herself to the harness by tugging on the straps.
“I don’t think I need an introduction but just in case you need one more clue as to my true identity...”
She reached into her saddlebag and removed a diamond tiara.
Its owner placed it on her own head.
Screwloose did recognize the girl. It was the one she had intended to kill while in her enraged dog persona.
“I’ve read your case file,” stated Diamond Tiara. “It’s actually kinda interesting. Your father was a professional show dog breeder. Your mother, a carpenter, died in childbirth delivering you. Take it from me: moms aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. Your dad blamed her death on you and never forgave you for it. He threw himself into his work and ignored you almost completely. So in order to get his attention, you decided to become the very thing around which his line of work revolves: a dog. But you didn’t just pretend to be a dog. You went full canine.” Diamond Tiara shook her head. “You never go full canine! When you were so far gone that your father didn’t know what to do with you, he sent you to the psyche ward. And there you stayed until medication and extensive psychotherapy undid the damage you did to yourself. But by that time, he was so ashamed of you that he disowned you and left the country to start a new life without the burden of having a daughter with a mental illness.”
Screwloose swallowed.
“You’re probably wondering why I came to see you,” surmised Diamond Tiara. “Well, I’d tell you but you seem a bit distracted so since I hate to repeat myself, I want to make sure that I have your undivided attention.”
She leaned on the side of the bed and spoke into Screwloose’s right ear.
“You’re an adult. You may have had a lot of conversations in your life. And you might have even had a few important conversations here and there. We can sometimes zone out and miss one or two little details – don’t forget to pick up a half gallon of milk on your way home, your Aunt Selma’s birthday is next week, so on and so forth.”
She planted her elbows on the bed and grinned at Screwloose with bedroom eyes.
“But I contend... that the conversation that you and I are about to have is going to be the most important one that you’ve ever had... and that you cannot afford to miss a single detail... because doing so could cost you your life.” Diamond Tiara rummaged through her saddlebag and removed a tiny plastic case. She opened it and extracted a syringe. “At first glance, this syringe appears to contain nothing... but any scientist would tell you that it does contain something: air. We need the oxygen present in the air in order to live but there are certain places where air is unwelcome – like the bloodstream.”
Diamond Tiara slid her tongue out from the corner of her mouth as she inserted the syringe into the mare’s foreleg. Screwloose screamed and tried to pull her foreleg free but it wasn’t going anywhere. When it was in as deep as it would go, Diamond Tiara left it alone.
“All I have to do is press down on the syringe’s plunger and I get to watch you die. Your life is quite literally in my hooves. Do I have your attention now? Blink twice if you do.”
Screwloose blinked twice.
“Good dog. Now then: The filly you murdered because you thought she was me? Her name was Zippoorwhill. She was the first runner-up in a Little Miss Equestria contest. And she was, for a brief time, a friend of mine. I’m here to show you how much her friendship – as brief as it was – meant to me.”
Diamond Tiara’s lower lip quivered and she broke down crying briefly.
“You should have actually read the rutting papers instead of just looking at the photos. You would have known that Zippoorwhill was innocent! She was a cancer survivor, you rutting plothole! She fought against one of the most notorious diseases known to ponykind and she won! She had so much to look forward to and you mauled her to death! If you hated me enough to kill me, why the Tartaros didn’t you hate me enough to know what I looked like? Now I have to live with the knowledge that my actions led to my friend’s death. I had the chance to tell her about all the craziness going on in Ponyville... what I did to Twist... what my father did to Miss Cheerilee... and Zip would have had every right to distance herself from me. But I chose not to tell her because I was selfish. I was all alone in Canterlot. I didn’t want her to judge me. I just wanted somepony on my side – and the universe decided to punish her for my error instead of me.”
Diamond Tiara hung her head and closed her eyes while recovering from her rant.
“Well, that’s enough chit chat. I didn’t come here to talk your ear off. All that’s left is for me to do what I came here to do.”
Diamond Tiara reached for the syringe in Screwloose’s foreleg – and removed it.
“Zippoorwhill would have wanted me to spare you.”
Screwloose closed her eyes and exhaled.
“You couldn’t help being sick anymore than Zip could have helped coming down with throat cancer. She was given a chance to get better... and I sincerely believe that she would have wanted me to spare you so that you could have the same chance she was given: the chance to get better. She was just that good of a pony.”
Screwloose blinked.
Diamond Tiara scrambled on top of Screwloose’s bed and pressed the gag strap deeper into the mare’s mouth. She scowled as she looked deep into the mare’s fright-filled eyes.
“You alllllmost had me, lady,” growled Diamond Tiara. “I was soooo close to saying ‘rut everything’ and killing you. If you knew how close you came to dying today, you’d piss yourself. But I heard Zip’s voice in my head and she told me not to throw away my eternal soul by avenging her death. So you owe her one. Don’t skip your medication again. For your benefit, I’m going to say that again slowly. Don’t. Skip. Your. Medication. Again. You’ve proven that you’re not strong enough to keep the dog in you at bay without them. If and when you’re released from this facility, you should know that there’ll be ponies in my employ keeping an eye on you around the clock; the kind of ponies who do dirty deeds if the money’s right. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you can hide from them. No matter how far you decide to travel, they will be watching you. They’ll have an expense account at their disposal – funded by yours truly – so they can match you train for train or even airship for airship if you decide to flee Equestria. The bottom line is that if you mess up, they’ll know about it, I’ll know about it and, sister, you’ll know when I know about it. If you so much as pee on a fire hydrant in Romaneia, what they’ll do to you shouldn’t happen to a timberwolf... and you’ll wish that I euthanized you on this day like the unwanted bitch you are. Do you understand absolutely everything I’ve just said? Blink twice if you do.”
Screwloose blinked twice.
“Excellent. This room is scheduled for maintenance in about another hour. Some janitor or somepony will come in here and find you. Naturally, I’ll be long gone by then. You’ll be sent back to your room and all will be well. Don’t bother telling your doctors that I arranged this little soiree. I’ll be taking any proof of my visit with me and, looney as you are, it’s unlikely that they’d believe you. Your syringe puncture might leave them scratching their heads but once they’ve determined that you’re unharmed, they’ll have no real reason to look into the mystery of how you ended up here. Clerical errors happen all the time. Take care of yourself – or my friends’ll take care of you.”
Diamond Tiara slid off the bed and left the room, closing the door behind her.
Screwloose sighed.
The door opened up again.
A filly other than Diamond Tiara entered the room. She was sporting a beanie and was humming a silly tune.
“Ahhh, that Diamond Tiara,” exclaimed the filly. “What a performer. With guts like she has, she’s gonna go far in life. She was lying, you know. There’s no sinister group of ponies in her employ that will be watching you. Such ponies do exist but neither she nor her father have come into contact with them. She was hoping to scare you into staying on your medication... and I think it worked. As for myself, I don’t believe in issuing threats. Threats only breed recidivism. When it comes to criminals, I believe in more permanent solutions.”
The blades of the filly’s beanie propellor folded upward and dragged across one annother, creating a snapping sound. A flash of light enveloped the door and when it disappeared, the door to the room was no longer there. It was as though it had never been built into the wall.
“Hello, Screwloose,” continued the filly with a wide smile. “We’ve never met. I’m Sca-rooooooo-ball.” The filly picked up a clipboard from Screwloose’s bed. “Hmmm. Verrrrry interesting. According to this chart, you’re nuttier than a fruitcake!” She turned the clipboard around and displayed a crudely drawn illustration of Screwloose’s face in a pile of mixed nuts. “What a coincidence! So am I! Sorry about your mom. I had a mom once, too... but I never knew her. I sure would have liked to have met her just once. I know who my daddy is but... our meeting didn’t go so well. I’ll always love him, though. Seems to me like you and I would have a grand old time comparing notes and offering each other tips on the best way to be bonkers.”
Her smile went away.
“But that isn’t going to happen. Do you want to know why? It’s because you’ve committed the one crime that I cannot allow to go unpunished: you mutilated an innocent foal. I’ve had the appearance of a filly for a very long time so I can identify with how much it must suck for somepony big and strong to take advantage of somepony small and defenseless. Foalhood’s hard enough without some adult coming along trying to do them harm.”
Screwball wore her wide toothy smile again.
“SO! I hear you enjoy being a dog. Let’s see what tricks you know so that I can teach you some new ones. Oh, and here’s a spoiler: the last trick I’ll teach you?”
Screwball raised her forelegs and several frighteningly sharp medical instruments extended from her hooves.
“It’s ‘play dead’!”
Sweetie Belle was the last of The Cutie Mark Crusaders to show up at the clubhouse.
“Sorry I’m late, guys,” she offered. “Rarity and I had a long talk about – well, everything, really. Twist, Miss Cheerilee, my dark magic... and for some reason, rayon.”
“Me an’ Applejack had the same kinda talk,” said Apple Bloom. “But without the rayon.”
“Ditto with Rainbow Dash,” said Scootaloo. “So are you guys in trouble?”
“Kinda,” replied Sweetie Belle. “Rarity’s decided not to tell our parents about it but our vacation to Manehattan’s been axed... and Twilight taught her a spell that will check me for any dark magic I have to visit her every night for the next month to see if that dark magic’s returned.”
“You got off easy,” said Apple Bloom. “Startin’ tomorrow, ah’ve got triple chores fer six months – an’ cleaning out the pig pen’s included.” She hung her head and sighed. “...but... ah gotta say... ah did learn a lesson. Ah mean, dang, y’all; we really did come this close ta killin’ Diamond Tiara. An’ Sweetie Belle? Ah’m really sorry fer pushing ya over the edge the way ah did. Ah guess ah just plumb lost mah mind.”
“That’s okay,” said Sweetie Belle. “I was just as nutty as you were. And yeah, we could have killed her. Wow, we really dodged a terrible fate: waking up every morning for the rest of our lives knowing that we had the stain of murder on our souls and that we’re just killing time before going to Tartarus for eternity.”
“Did Rainbow Dash punish you, Scoots?” asked Apple Bloom.
“Did she ever!” exclaimed Scootaloo. “I won’t get to hang out with her for a whole week.”
“That’s it?”
“What do you mean ‘that’s it’?? That’s pure torture!”
“Torture? Have you ever tried cleanin’ a pig pen before?”
A collection of sleigh bells attached to a strap hung up by the wall rang out. The Crusaders looked at one another.
“The tripwire!” they said.
“Our super secret Crusader early detection alarm is workin’,” noted Apple Bloom.
“You mean the super secret earth pony and unicorn detection alarm,” noted Scootaloo. “Pegasi can fly right over it.”
“Ah never said it was perfect,” countered Apple Bloom.
There was a knock on the door.
“C’mon in,” said Apple Bloom.
The door opened.
Diamond Tiara let herself in. She closed the door behind her and walked toward the center of the room.
“Hi,” said Diamond Tiara.
The Crusaders said nothing. Diamond Tiara entered. Her head turned from side to side as she strode into the center of the room.
“Place looks the same as when I was last here. There’s a lot that I have to say and you can listen to me or not... but I’d rather you listened.”
The Crusaders said nothing.
“Since you haven’t kicked me out yet, I assume that you’re at least willing to listen to me... but since you aren’t saying anything, I also assume that you’re not willing to talk to me. That’s okay. I understand. And I appreciate whatever time you can spare.”
Diamond Tiara took a seat in the center of the clubhouse.
“First, I’d like to apologize for all of the teasing, insulting, and bullying that Silver Spoon and I have dished out to you three for so long. A little of it was initiated by her but most of it was from me. You may have thought that I picked on you because I hated you. Well, the truth is that I hate myself a heck of a lot more than I could hate you guys. I am – and have been for a while now – extremely jealous of you. I’m jealous of your relationships with your families, of your association with Princess Twilight, of your visits from Princess Luna in the dreamworld; sheesh, the list goes on. My life was boring and commonplace compared to yours... and even though it clearly wasn’t your fault, I resented you for it anyway. Apple Bloom always seemed so disgustingly happy and then once you two came along, it was my pleasure to bring you down to my level of misery.”
Sweetie Belle cleared her throat. Diamond Tiara paused, believing that Sweetie Belle was about to speak. She did not – and so Diamond Tiara continued to speak.
“I was born into wealth and that meant growing up believing that always getting whatever I wanted was a given. And I wanted the happiness that you seemed to have. Since the things you had didn’t come with a price tag, I couldn’t get them. So I took every opportunity to make you miserable instead... but even though I ragged on you, I knew that there was something special about you. Now, I’m not a complete idiot. I know that you couldn’t care less about my feelings. And you have every right to disregard them the way I’ve disregarded yours time and again. But I’m gonna share my feelings with you anyway in the hope that you might come to understand me a little better.”
Diamond Tiara inhaled deeply and then exhaled.
“The Cutie Mark Crusaders. I always thought that that name had a great ring to it. Even though I already had my cutie mark, I even wanted to join you. But I felt that if I had asked, you’d turn me down and I don’t handle rejection very well. With the exception of my friendship with Silver Spoon, I’ve never been a part of anything meaningful. Nopony’s ever said ‘We can’t possibly go ahead with this plan; not without Diamond Tiara!’ Nopony apart from Silver Spoon has ever welcomed me into a group with open forelegs. I’ve got everything I could want except for somepony who needed me. And my dad, well, I love him but I can’t reasonably expect him to be my playmate around the clock. He’s got things he needs to do that are super important. He has stockholders... employees... and ponies who count on him being able to operate his business. For the most part, I grew up with Silver Spoon. She was my partner in crime – figuratively and literally. Which bring me to my second apology.”
Diamond Tiara took, held, and released a deep breath.
“I’m truly sorry for what I did to Twist. At the risk of repeating myself, it was an accident. Silver Spoon can vouch for that but I doubt that you’d hold her opinion in much higher regard than you would mine. I never meant to get Twist killed. Yes, I dumped garbage on her. Yes, I teased her. And yes, I taunted her. In the past, I would have done the same to any one of you guys. Shoot, I would have done it to all four of you at the same time if I could. Twist should have just gone home and washed up after I hit her with that garbage bag... but I guess I bullied the same target once too often. I was so sure that she was gonna wimp out like she always did that I never saw her attack coming. I got knocked silly, Silver Spoon sent her rolling down the hill, and when we told her to go home, she crossed the tracks and got hit by the train. What you might not know was why I did it. It’s not all that different a reason for why I picked on you guys. It’s not just about you being blank flanks. I’ve already gone over the question in my head a million times and I’ve avoided the answer because I didn’t want to own up to it. The answer is pretty simple. I did it because I was a piece of manure.”
Sweetie Belle sputtered with laughter but quickly silenced it.
“I’m sure you’ve suspected that I was a piece of manure for some time. Well, allow me to be the first one to tell you that your suspicions were correct. I’ve had fun at your expense and anypony else’s expense that I thought I could get away with bullying. Who else but a piece of manure could receive pleasure from that? But – and this is a big but – the key word in my admission is that I ‘was’ a piece of manure.”
Diamond Tiara paced back and forth.
“I realize now that going through life as a piece of manure is not the way I want to live out the rest of my days. I have more to offer the world than that. I’m just sorry that it cost Twist her life to show me that; which brings me to Miss Cheerilee.”
Diamond Tiara’s cheeks swelled and she puffed out a breath. She took a few more breaths before tackling the subject.
“My attack on her was unwarranted, unjustifiable, and just plain evil. I’ve got plenty of excuses I could offer but none of them come even close to something that you could give a rat’s rump about. I knew how much you loved her... and I knew how much she loved you and Twist... and, once again, I found myself getting jealous. I wasn’t like you. You guys were positive and pleasant and I was negative and snooty. I hid my misery behind false bravado. Knowing that I couldn’t live up to what she admired about you made me so angry that I didn’t even bother trying to become a better pony. I couldn’t join you so I decided to try my luck at beating you. And Twist. And anypony else who she cared for. But it backfired on me. I thought I was so smart but I never suspected that my arrogance would come back to bite me in the rump. The pain I felt when Miss Cheerilee tried to kill me wasn’t just physical.”
Diamond Tiara’s legs trembled. She lay on the floor to try and hide it.
“I looked up to her, believe it or not. If there’s one thing that you and I have in common, it’s that we enjoy receiving praise. Every time she congratulated you or one of the other kids at school on what a great job they did getting a C plus or a B minus on a test, I could see how sincere she was. I was already getting an A or an A plus on every test I took. By being a straight A student, I thought I could at least receive a little attention. That strategy didn’t work out the way I’d hoped it would. It became so commonplace for me to get excellent grades that she didn’t pay any attention to me. She devoted more of her time to you guys or the students who had difficulty learning the lessons she taught. She ignored a prodigy in favor of spending more time with fixer-uppers.”
“That was her job,” pointed out Apple Bloom – followed by a rapid reply by Diamond Tiara accompanied by an angry glare.
“THEN IT WAS A STUPID JOB!!!”
The shout bounced off the walls and all was silent once more. Tears glistened in Diamond Tiara’s eyes as she sniffled back moisture and tried to steady her quivering lower lip. The Crusaders were skeptical as to the authenticity of those tears.
“I would have gladly paid her ten times what she was making just to take me to a park on a lazy Sunday afternoon!” whimpered Diamond Tiara. “Or maybe a zoo or a museum or something; we could’ve given each other... what do you call those crowns you make out of a bunch of flowers tied together?”
“Daisy chains,” replied Scootaloo.
“Daisy chains, thank you. We could have done all that girly stuff. Anything I know about girliness or fashion came from magazines and whatever Silver Spoon picked up from her dad. But I never made Cheerilee an offer to spend time with me in exchange for money because I knew that she couldn’t be bought. Who becomes a teacher for the money? Miss Cheerilee loved two things in life: teaching – and Twist. I couldn’t stand her paying attention to Twist and you guys and the dumb kids in class... and as busy as my dad is at any given time, he still keeps up with my grades so failing on purpose for the extra help wasn’t an option. I took her favoritism way too personally. I cursed myself for a fool for ever respecting her; for ever admiring somepony who shunned me. It hurt to look at her sitting at her desk and enjoying herself. Laughing at a joke you told her. Smiling about something you had done. Loving her stupid job because of mediocre students like you and not exceptional students like me. I knew only one course of action to take: retaliation. I swore I’d show her the mistake she made in not making me her favorite student. If I couldn’t have her love, then, by Celestia, I would have her hatred. Nopony treats me with indifference. I had to hurt her even worse than she hurt me. I wouldn’t take away the things that she loved; it would’ve been over too quickly if I did that. Instead, I wanted her to know that the things she loved were hers to enjoy solely because I permitted it. I kept her on a leash and gave her just enough lead on it to make her feel as though she was free – even though we both knew that I was the one in charge. She kept up a brave face but I could tell how she hated it. And her hatred was rutting delicious... until I accidentally took away one of the things she loved.”
“After that, I knew that Cheerilee would be in serious pain. She tried to hide it but I know all about hiding misery. She was reeling from the blow delievered by Twist’s death. I wanted to rip off that mask she put up to hide how broken she really was so I fired my secret weapon: the surgery she had on her reproductive system. You guys wouldn’t know this... and you probably never will... but there’s something so savory... so gratifying... about being the hammer for once when life has made you the anvil for such a Celestia-damned long time.”
The Crusaders gave each other a look. They experienced a similar feeling in the throne room of Canterlot Castle when Operation: Diamond Exchange was first launched.
“But then Miss Cheerilee reminded me pretty quickly who the real hammer was. And then my dad... Wow. It would be pretty tasteless to segue that hammer metaphor into my next sentence so I’ll just move on. I love my dad and he loves me. Nothing he can do will ever change that. But it freaked me the Tartaros out when I heard what he did to Miss Cheerilee. He went crazy over how she attacked me. I never asked him to do that for me and I never would have. And if I had known what he had planned on doing, I swear to you that I would have tried to talk him out of it. These days, I wake up in the morning and he’s already left the house to spend the day in court – and it’s all my fault.”
Diamond Tiara reached up and removed her tiara with her forehooves. She set it down between her forelegs.
“Look, I can’t tell you how sorry I am for my part in all of this. I know it isn’t something that a few words spoken in a single day can make right. I was foolish, selfish, sadistic, and self-destructive. I was seeking revenge against a mare who never deliberately tried to hurt me. I should have just opened up to her and told her how much I admired her but I just couldn’t. I was positive that she would have declined to spend the kind of time with me that I wanted. What I wanted from her was on a parental level and I have no right to expect that from anypony who isn’t my parent. She never really liked me the way she liked you guys. And just like I never asked if I could join your club, I was afraid of leaving myself vulnerable to rejection by asking her to be close to me... and making myself vulnerable was the one thing I refused to do... not counting right now, obviously.”
Sweetie Belle broke the silence that followed with a cough and a clearing of her throat – but no words.
“This whole thing has gone way beyond anything that I could have envisioned. And so here I am, opening up to Cheerilee’s chosen ones in the hopes that I can accomplish something positive. It would mean a lot to me to know that, even if you can’t exonerate me or respect me, you can at least... I dunno... sympathize with me a little after what I’ve just told you. The bottom line is that I want you to know that the Diamond Tiara who used to bully you is gone for good. No more putdowns. No more bragging. No more ego trips. That part of my life is squarely behind me and I figured that nopony would appreciate hearing that more than those that I picked on the most. I have learned my lesson for real. I know I can do better. The bitter irony is that it took Cheerilee’s death for me to-”
“Her murder,” interrupted Scootaloo.
Diamond Tiara was silent for a moment as she hung her head. She stood up and nodded slowly.
“Okay, fair enough,” she admitted. “It took her murder for me to become the kind of pony she might have loved; somepony like you. There’s something else you should know. When the schoolhouse gets a new teacher, I won’t be coming back. I’ll be privately tutored along with Silver Spoon at her mansion. I’m pretty sure no one’ll miss me... and I can’t say that I blame them.”
She looked at all three Crusaders and paused to allow them to speak. Nopony took the opportunity to speak up.
“Isn’t there anything that you guys wanna say to me? I mean I’ve just spilled my guts to you for the past – what; about ten minutes? – and you’ve only given me six words in return. There’s gotta be something that you wanna say to me – even if it’s to tell me to go rut myself.”
“Yeah,” said Apple Bloom flatly. She pointed to the door. “That there’s the door. Use it. Now. An’ after ya do, don’t ever use it again.”
Diamond Tiara closed her eyes.
“Okay,” she said. “If that’s what you want.”
“It is,” confirmed Apple Bloom. “Oh, and uhhh... go rut yerself.”
Diamond Tiara sighed.
“I’ll get right on that, cap’n,” she muttered with a salute. She hung her head, let herself out and closed the door behind her.
Diamond Tiara looked up at the clear blue sky and shed a single tear.
“I tried my best, Zip,” she said. “I really did. I don’t know if apologizing to them accomplished anything but I hope that you’d be proud of me for giving it my best shot.”
The Crusaders watched carefully as Diamond Tiara walked down the ramp and through the grassy fields leading back to the center of town. When the pink filly had reached a certain distance, the Crusaders scrambled to the second floor for the right to be the first one to use the telescope. Sweetie Belle was the first one and she watched Diamond Tiara walk through the trees and disappear from sight.
“She’s gone.”
Once Sweetie Belle spoke those two words, all three fillies leaped and squealed with great enthusiasm as they performed their signature high hoof bump.
“Oh mah gosh, y’all,” said Apple Bloom excitedly. “Thanks so much fer followin’ mah lead back there an’ not sayin’ nothin’ much! Ah was sweatin’ up a storm the whole time she was here!”
“It worked,” noted Scootaloo as she looked at the floor in disbelief. “I mean, she’s still got a little bit of her attitude but Operation: Diamond Exchange really worked! She’s really committed to being a good pony!”
“And she’s gonna be privately tutored just like Silver Spoon!” noted Sweetie Belle. “We won’t have to see either of them when school starts up again!”
“Apple Bloom, this wouldn’t have been possible without you,” remarked Scootaloo. “You rock.”
“Hear, hear!” chimed Sweetie Belle, hopping in place.
“Aw, shucks, you guys. It might’ve been mah idea but it wouldn’t’ve come about if y’all hadn’t been around ta inspire me. This ain’t mah victory alone. This is our victory.”
“This calls for a celebration!” Sweetie Belle ran to the cupboard and removed a bottle of sparkling apple cider along with three plastic cups. “I’ve had this tucked away for years to celebrate a special occasion and I believe our victory today qualifies as one. I think you’ll find it to be a delightful little vintage.”
“Sweetie Belle,” said Scootaloo. “That’s the bottle of sparkling apple cider that you got just last week. I was with you when you bought it from Granny Smith. And it doesn’t have a vintage. It has an expiration date.”
Sweetie Belle shook her head with disappointment.
“I never knew you hated imagination so much, Scootaloo.”
“What imagination? You just repeat select phrases you’ve overheard your sister say because you think it makes you sounds cool.”
“That’s not true.”
“It is so true. What Rarity phrase are you gonna use next; ‘Kiss me, Applejack’?”
“My sister isn’t gay!” squealed Sweetie Belle.
“An’ neither is mine!” yelled Apple Bloom.
“Tchehwellidunnoaboutthat,” muttered Sweetie Belle under her breath nonchalantly as she rolled her eyes with a smirk.
Apple Bloom responded to Sweetie Belle’s insinuation with a thunderous extended gasp. Scootaloo covered her mouth with both forehooves and snickered.
“You did not just say that about mah big sister!” growled Apple Bloom as she shook a forehoof at the unicorn. “She ain’t gay... but even if she was, ah bet she could do waaaay better than Rarity.”
“Nuh-uh!” corrected Sweetie Belle. “Applejack can only dream about being with Rarity... which I’m pretty sure she does every night.”
Scootaloo rolled onto her back laughing at the exchange. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle looked at the mischievous pegasus who had instigated their quarrel.
“O’ course, ya know who the real gay mare is,” said Apple Bloom.
“Oh, I do,” said Sweetie Belle. “Unquestionably the gayest one around.”
“Go ahead and say it,” encouraged Scootaloo confidently. “It won’t bother me. I know Rainbow Dash is straight.”
“Yeah, and you know because you asked her out and she turned you down,”
“She did not turn me down!”
Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle burst into a fit of laughter at Scootaloo’s reply. Confused for a moment by their laughter, Scootaloo scratched her head. When she understood how her statement was taken out of context, she blushed.
“That’s not what I meant!” argued Scootaloo. “Don’t twist my words around!”
Apple Bloom opened the cider and filled three cups with the fizzy beverage. She gave one to Scootaloo, another to Sweetie Belle, and kept one for herself. They all raised their cups for a toast.
“To Apple Bloom,” toasted Sweetie Belle.
“To Miss Cheerilee,” toasted Apple Bloom.
“To Operation: Diamond Exchange,” toasted Scootaloo. “Mission complete.”
“Uhhhhh... yyyeah,” muttered Apple Bloom while nursing her cider. “See, the thing is that the mission ain’t exactly a hundred percent complete.”
“What do you mean?” asked Sweetie Belle. “Diamond Tiara’s dedicated herself to being good... so what else is left for us to do?”
“See, this here plan o’ mine... Ah didn’t think it through all the way before startin’ it. The final stage is gonna take a few more years – give or take.”
“A few more years?”
“Could we get a little clarification on that?” asked Scootaloo.
“You heard Diamond Tiara talkin’ ‘bout all o’ her insecurities and stuff. That filly’s got more issues than a comic book shop. We’ve gotta make sure that Operation: Diamond Exchange stays a secret. If she ever catches wind o’ this bein’ a hoax, she’s liable ta go off the deep end. An’ ah ain’t so curious about what that would involve that ah’d risk spillin’ the beans. Y’all have ta swear that you’ll never tell her or anypony else about it.”
“I swear never to tell anypony else about it,” decreed Scootaloo, raising her right forehoof.
“I swear, too,” said Sweetie Belle, “but I don’t see how hard it could be to keep that secret. Ponyville isn’t that small. And it’s not like the three of us walk in the same circles as rich fillies.”
“Yeah, they won’t even be attending school with us anymore so seeing them on a daily basis is a thing of the past. With any luck, we’ll never have to bump into them again. For all we know, they might even leave Ponyville for greener pastures.”
“You know, after listening to her rant, I’ve got to admit that I do feel a little bad for her.”
“Oh, get real, y’all. Y’all know dang well that the only reason she found her new purpose in life is ‘cause her ego couldn’t handle Celestia tellin’ her that she’s destined ta be a steppin’ stone fer us. She deserves ta be fooled like this. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her – or, more importantly, us.”
There was a clanking of empty tin cans which were tied to a string hanging from the wall.
“Another visitor?” asked Scootaloo. “But how could that be? You never left to reset the alarm.”
“Those were tin cans. Sleigh bells indicate an approach from the north. This is the eastern tripwire that’s been triggered.” Sweetie Belle ran upstairs and looked through the telescope.
“Well?” asked Scootaloo.
Sweetie Belle trotted back downstairs and threw her forelegs up in the air as she sat down and looked at the ceiling.
“Oh, Celestia, why do you hate us?” asked Sweetie Belle rhetorically.
“What’s the matter?” asked Scootaloo. “Who’s coming?”
Sweetie Belle turned and looked at Scootaloo grimly.
“It’s Silver Spoon,” she replied.
The Crusaders groaned.
Silver Spoon knocked on the Cutie Mark Crusaders’ clubhouse door. The waiting was the killer. Whether successful or not, the events that would take place once she spoke to the Crusaders would determine how the rest of her life would go.
The door opened. Scootaloo stood in the doorway. Silver Spoon cast her eyes downward, wondering how she would word her request to be allowed inside. Scootaloo stood on her hind legs and slapped a headlock on Silver Spoon.
“Hey!” protested Silver Spoon. “Let me go!”
Scootaloo did not release the hold. She proceeded to walk back inside the clubhouse on her hind legs with Silver Spoon in tow. As entry was Silver Spoon’s goal, she did not resist their forward motion.
“Wouldja look who dropped in to say hi?” said Scootaloo to her fellow Crusaders. She slammed the top of Silver Spoon’s head into the door.
“Ow!” yelped Silver Spoon. “That hurt!”
“Oopsie,” bubbled Scootaloo sarcastically escorted her captive inside and shut the door behind them with her left hind leg.
“Careful with my glasses!”
“What are you doing here?” asked Sweetie Belle.
“Who cares what she’s doing here?” said Apple Bloom. “We’ve got better things ta do than listen to a stooge.”
“Aw, c’mon, let’s be hospitable,” suggested Scootaloo. “We could at least hear what she has to say. You do have something you want to say to us, don’t you, Silver Stooge? Oops, I mean ‘Silver Spoon’.”
“Yes... but I’d really appreciate it if you’d let go of me so that I can say it.”
Scootaloo looked at Apple Bloom for a signal. Apple Bloom nodded to Scootaloo as a gesture of consent and Silver Spoon was released abruptly.
Silver Spoon tilted her head left and right to appease her aching neck. She was stuck behind enemy lines without Diamond Tiara and her unscheduled appearance was met with hostility. It went without saying that this was not going to be an easy sell.
“I’ve been mean to you three so many times that I’ve lost count,” admitted Silver Spoon, “and I want to apologize for it.”
“You... apologizing to us?” asked Scootaloo rhetorically.
“Yes.”
Apple Bloom ran to the window and peered out of it to see if she could spot anypony else.
“Did Diamond Tiara put you up ta this?” asked Apple Bloom as she shut that window and the rest of the clubhouse’s open windows, an act that concerned Silver Spoon; one closed a window either to keep something out – or in.
“No,” answered Silver Spoon. “She doesn’t know I’m here. Anyway, I also want to tell you that I’m never gonna be mean to you again.”
“Happy ta hear it,” chirped Apple Bloom with a smile. “Thanks fer stoppin’ by.” Her smile was quickly replaced with a neutral expression. “Scootaloo, show ‘er out.”
“With pleasure,” said Scootaloo, reaching for the gray earth pony’s tail with her mouth to drag her out of the clubhouse.
“Wait!” cried Silver Spoon, drawing her tail closer to her body.
“What is it now?” inquired Apple Bloom angrily.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders watched with great interest as Silver Spoon knelt and prostrated herself before them.
“I am sincerely and humbly begging you to forgive me for the mean things that I’ve done to you,” stated Silver Spoon.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders, puzzled by what they had witnessed, looked at one another.
“That woulda been a lot ta ask o’ us before you an’ Diamond Tiara went and did all the manure y’all’ve done,” said Apple Bloom. “You’re askin’ us after.”
“We didn’t plan on getting Twist killed,” clarified Silver Spoon. “...but I don’t deny that she’d be alive right now if it hadn’t been for the prank we pulled on her. And for that, I’m also very, very sorry.”
“Whaddya want our forgiveness for, anyway?”
“Well, you see... it’s... because I need your help; a favor, actually.”
“I knew there was more to this,” squawked Scootaloo. “She’s not apologizing because of some revelation that being a bully is wrong. She’s just doing it so she can get what she wants out of us.”
“Give us one good reason why the Crusaders should help you,” demanded Sweetie Belle.
“Because in exchange for your help me, I’ll do anything you ask.”
The Crusaders looked at one another. They shared a smile – which meant that they were on the same page regarding this offer.
“Would you excuse us for a little while?” asked Apple Bloom. “We need to confer for a moment or three.”
Silver Spoon nodded.
“Sure; you girls take as long you need,” she said. While the Crusaders huddled and whispered amongst themselves, Silver Spoon played with her braid nervously. Before long, the Crusaders returned to her.
“So ya want our help, do ya?” asked Apple Bloom. “Well, what we want from you is the same thing you an’ Diamond Tiara’ve taken from us: dignity.”
“H-How exactly do you plan on taking my dignity?” asked Silver Spoon.
“We’re gonna do this gauntlet style. Sweetie Belle will issue you a challenge ta do somethin’ for her. If you do it, then it’ll be Scootaloo’s turn ta issue you a different challenge. If ya pass both o’ those, it’ll be mah turn ta issue the final challenge. If ya complete all three, we’ll forgive ya and help ya with whatever ya want. You can quit an’ leave this clubhouse before at any time – we ain’t gonna force ya ta do nothin’ – but once all four o’ your hooves pass through that door, we’ll know that ya didn’t really wanna be forgiven all that bad – an’ this offer’ll never be on the table again. Do you accept these terms?”
Silver Spoon considered the terms.
“It doesn’t look as though I have much of a choice so... okay, I accept your terms.”
“Fantastic. Sweetie Belle, you’re up.”
Sweetie Belle approached Silver Spoon and frowned at her.
“Remember the last words you said to me?” asked Sweetie Belle pointedly.
“Yeah, I do.” She grinned nervously, recalling the parting shot of profanity. “Sorry?”
“A ‘sorry’ won’t cover it. Here’s where your potty mouth is gonna cost you.” Sweetie Belle stood on her hind legs and lifted her forelegs over her head menacingly. Silver Spoon closed her eyes and cowered, preparing herself to get hit. Sweetie Belle appeared poised to strike but did not attack. She stood back on all fours, placed her foreleg on Silver Spoon’s shoulder, and tapped it. Silver Spoon looked up at the unicorn.
“I challenge you to give me ten thousand bits,” proclaimed Sweetie Belle.
Apple Bloom and Scootaloo looked at each other in disbelief at Sweetie Belle’s challenge.
Silver Spoon blinked and then grinned. She had no problem buying her way out of this.
“I can’t get my hooves on that kind of cash in one shot,” she said, lowering her foreleg shield and standing up straight. “Would a credit line of ten thousand bits worth of goods and services from shops here in Ponyville do?”
“Yes!” exclaimed Sweetie Belle ecstatically. She closed her eyes and smiled widely. “Let’s bump on it.” Sweetie Belle extended her forehoof to Silver Spoon.
“No!” shouted Apple Bloom. “Hold it!” She waved her forelegs wildly like a referee calling for a foul. “No deal!”
Sweetie Belle and Silver Spoon turned to look at Apple Bloom.
“What’s wrong?” asked Sweetie Belle.
“Just... c’mere.” Apple Bloom swung her right foreleg to beckon Sweetie Belle to walk over to her.
“Hey,” protested Silver Spoon. “No help from the audience!”
“Hush, you,” ordered Apple Bloom. “That wasn’t her challenge. We need a minute or two.” When the unicorn approached her, Apple Bloom placed her foreleg over the back of her friend’s neck and spoke in a soft tone.
“Sweetie Belle, we ain’t whores,” declared Apple Bloom. “Do ah have ta remind you how that little cheese weasel has been a thorn in our side since day one?”
“But I want stuuuuff,” whined Sweetie Belle.
Apple Bloom held up a forehoof to silence Sweetie Belle.
“Day. One,” said Apple Bloom. “Hittin’ her up fer money would be lettin’ her off easy. You can get stuff any old time.”
“Ten thousand bits worth of stuff? Any old time? Are you on salt? You can get, like, a small house for that much! Ooh! Wait!” Sweetie Belle turned around and smiled at Silver Spoon. “Can you buy me a small house? I’ve always dreamed of living alone like my big sister.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoaaaa, back up a sec,” demanded Silver Spoon. “Sweetie Belle, I may have buying power at my disposal but not even I can have a real estate purchase show up on my expense account. Buying a house in Ponyville is one thing; maintaining one is a never-ending money pit. Or have you not noticed how often the buildings in this town get damaged?”
“Yeah. Ya gotta have home insurance in case yer house gets damaged. That’s a monthly bill. Then there’s property taxes, utility bills, the homeowner’s association fees, an’ ya gotta get permission from Town Hall if ya wanna expand it. How are ya gonna pay fer all o’ that?”
Apple Bloom turned to look at Scootaloo. The pegasus was speechless at Apple Bloom’s knowledge of real estate.
“What?” asked Apple Bloom suspiciously. “Mah sister talks about this property management stuff all the time.”
“Silver Spoon will pay for all of that,” said Sweetie Belle. “Right?”
“Wrong,” corrected Silver Spoon. “Upkeep on a house would exceed my normal monthly spending habits by leaps and bounds.”
“But I thought you were swimming in money!”
“We are – but we still make sure to turn off the faucet if it’s not being used. My family’s accountant would report my unusually large spending to my parents and I’d have to explain why I’m providing a filly with a house. You might as well ask me to buy you Canterlot Castle for all the good it’ll do.”
Sweetie Belle turned to Apple Bloom and Scootaloo.
“You guys wanna be my roommates and help me pay bills and stuff?” she asked.
“Sweetie Belle,” said Scootaloo flatly. “Apple Bloom and I don’t have an income. You don’t have an income, for that matter. How would we make rent?”
“Um... Then I’ll... get... roommates with jobs.”
Apple Bloom facehoofed and groaned.
“Then ya wouldn’t be livin’ alone anymore,” she argued. “Worse’n that, ya’d be livin’ with strangers. Ya might as well live at home with yer folks fer free.”
“Oh, yeah,” said Sweetie Belle, realizing that Apple Bloom was right.
“Now listen: Silver Spoon’s bullied an’ teased us a heap. We hmm-hmm-hmmmed you-know-who but we ain’t got no guarantee that Silver Spoon’s sincere about changin’. Look at her. Celestia knows why she’s so desperate fer our help but ah ain’t questionin’ it. This is our chance ta get back at her an’ get away with it! She’s beggin’ us ta take a blank check fer payback! Ask Silver fer somethin’ she’d hate ta agree ta do.”
Sweetie Belle’s eyes opened wide along with her mouth. Clearly, a lightbulb turned on upstairs.
“Got iiiit,” she said.
Sweetie Belle trotted to the domestic tool drawer. She opened it, levitated a pair of safety scissors, and brought it with her to Silver Spoon.
“My challenge is simple,” reassured Sweetie Belle. “I challenge you to let me cut off your dumb braid.”
Silver Spoon gasped so loudly that it startled the Crusaders.
“Duuude!” exclaimed Scootaloo.
“Now that’s more like it,” said Apple Bloom, impressed by Sweetie Belle’s choice.
“Uh!” balked Silver Spoon. “What’s the matter with you? You don’t cut a filly’s mane!” She sat down and cradled her braid in her forelegs. “That’s, like, one of the first rules of engagement! Ask for something else!”
“Our clubhouse, our rules, your braid...” Sweetie Belle pointed to the exit. “...or our door. Take it or leave it.”
“Leaving it.”
“Aw, come on.”
Silver Spoon trotted toward the door and opened it.
“You should’ve picked something tamer to start with,” critiqued Scootaloo. “Now I won’t get a turn.”
“So what?” asked Sweetie Belle. “At least she’s leaving.”
Silver Spoon stood in the doorway. She looked back to inspect her hind hooves. They hadn’t crossed the threshold yet. She remained motionless, lost in thought over what she should do. Her plan was solid. Was she really ready to abandon it just because it involved a bit of sacrifice?
She turned around and, with ears drooped, slowly walked back inside the clubhouse.
“She’s coming back,” whispered Scootaloo.
Silver Spoon approached the Crusaders and stood before them. Her eyes were closed.
“It’s just hair, Silver Spoon,” reminded Scootaloo. The pegasus ran her forehoof through her own mane. “I’m living proof that short manestyles can be awesome... but if you’re hung up on having it long, it should grow back in, what, maybe two or three years? Let Sweetie Belle cut off your braid so that I can get a turn.”
She opened her eyes and cast them downward. She slowly walked to where Sweetie Belle stood.
“Do it,” muttered Silver Spoon. “But this is, like, soooo uncool of you, Sweetie Belle.”
“I know,” retorted Sweetie Belle. “But we’ll be even after this. Won’t that make it all worth it?”
Silver Spoon sighed.
“Hurry up and get it over with,” she requested.
The blades of the scissors gnawed away at the base of the braid and Silver Spoon’s eyes welled up with tears of humiliation, certain that the teasing she had heaped upon the CMC didn’t warrant this disproportionate retribution. Her only consolation was that, having surrendered her hairpulling fetish to Princess Luna, this was not as great of a sacrifice as it would have been had she agreed to this a few months ago.
After what seemed like an eternity of cutting later, the braid slid down Silver Spoon’s shoulder and the sound it made when it hit the floor caused her to die a little bit inside. It was almost like losing a limb.
Sweetie Belle levitated the braid and tucked it into her own mane. Then she levitated Silver Spoon’s glasses and placed them on her own face.
“Hey!” shouted Silver Spoon. “Give those back!”
“Like, yes, Diamond Tiara,” chirped Sweetie Belle in a high pitched voice that was meant to mimic Silver Spoon’s voice. “Like, of course, Diamond Tiara. Like, anything you say, Diamond Tiara. Oh, my gosh, you’re, like, so right.”
Apple Bloom and Scootaloo laughed, amused by Sweetie Belle’s impersonation.
“I do not sound like that,” stated Silver Spoon curtly. “Am I forgiven?”
“Almost.” Sweetie Belle held the braid in her mouth and swung it so that it struck Silver Spoon on top of the head.
“Ow! Hey!”
“That was for the ‘rut you’. Okay, now you’re forgiven.” Sweetie Belle returned Silver Spoon’s glasses and stepped to one side. “Go see what Scootaloo’s challenge is.”
Silver Spoon walked to Scootaloo. The pegasus filly wasn’t even looking at her. She was playing it cool, inspecting her left forehoof for chips or flaws.
Silver Spoon cleared her throat to get Scootaloo’s attention. It didn’t work.
“Hey,” said Silver Spoon.
“Hey,” said Scootaloo.
“Well?”
“Well what?”
“What’s your challenge? Are you gonna shave my tail?”
“Nah, stunts like that aren’t really my style.”
“So what is your style?”
“Meh. I’m not feeling very creative... so I’ll settle for challenging you to let me sock you in the nose.”
Silver Spoon grimaced.
“Ugh,” she groaned.
“You’re gonna hit her?” asked Sweetie Belle. “That’s your request?”
“Yup,” said Scootaloo.
Sweetie Belle blinked.
“Can I change my challenge?” she asked.
“No, you can’t change yours!” barked Silver Spoon. “You’ve already butchered my freaking mane!”
“So are you in?” asked Scootaloo.
“For the record, I never hit you.”
“For the record, I don’t care. So do you accept?”
Silver Spoon took a deep breath and released it slowly. She could hear her heart beating rapidly.
“One punch and we’ll be good?” she asked the pegasus.
“No. We won’t be good. We’ll be even. Big difference – and yes, just one.”
Silver Spoon removed her glasses and closed her eyes.
“I... accept.”
“Not so fast. This challenge comes with some conditions. You can’t tell on me and you can’t hit me back. If anypony asks, you weren’t watching where you were running and you ran into a tree.”
“Pfft!” scoffed Sweetie Belle. Scootaloo turned her head to look at the snickering unicorn.
“What was that for?” asked Scootaloo.
“You actually think that one of your punches does the same amount of damage as running into a tree?” Sweetie Belle smiled. She covered her grinning lips with her left forehoof.
“If you want some of this, you just say the word,” said Scootaloo as she lifted her right forehoof and held it up to Sweetie Belle.
“I can take your punches – the one or two that I can’t block or dodge.”
“Then maybe I’ll smack Button instead.”
“You lay one hoof on him and I’ll knock you silly!”
“She sure is defensive about him, huh?” asked Silver Spoon.
“Ha ha ha, totally!” agreed Scootaloo with a smile. She stifled the smile when she realized who she was agreeing with. “Hey, shut up, you!”
Silver Spoon silenced herself.
“Okay,” she said. “I’m as ready as I’ll ever be so go ahead.”
Scootaloo paced back and forth in front of Silver Spoon.
“What’s taking so long?” asked Silver Spoon.
“Just thinking about all the times you teased me,” replied Scootaloo. “And called me names, and all the other stuff you did to me or my friends that made me sick to my stomach. I’d think to myself that I was raised better than to stoop to your level but I was really just kidding myself. You bullies only stop bullying when you’ve pushed somepony too far and they fight back. Now that I have you here, maybe you can answer that for me. Why does it have to come to that? Why couldn’t you have just left us alone if you didn’t like us?”
Silver Spoon hesitated. She reached for her braid but it wasn’t there.
“I’m... messed up inside,” she replied.
“No kidding? Well, get in hoofing line! I’m messed up, too, but I never picked on anypony because of it.”
Scootaloo stopped pacing and placed her hoof on her chest.
“‘I’m messed up inside’,” said Scootaloo, mocking Silver Spoon’s voice. “...like that’s some sort of excuse. Celestia, I should be embarrassed to own up to how many times I used to fantasize about hitting you. I want you to put it out of your head right now that you don’t deserve this punch because you hoofing well do! YOU SUCK! AND DIAMOND TIARA SUCKS! And a society that won’t let me punish little bitches like you on the spot for messing with me and my friends AND MY TEACHER for no good reason sucks worst of all!”
Scootaloo wound back and landed a straight right punch to Silver Spoon’s snout.
Silver Spoon let a quick neigh slip as she staggered backward and dropped to her rump.
“Uhhh,” groaned Silver Spoon. She touched her nose with her forehooves to make sure it was still in one piece. Despite Sweetie Belle’s dismissal of Scootaloo’s boxing skills, the punch hurt a lot. Her eyes watered profusely as they did any time her nose received blunt trauma.
“You all right there, Silver?” asked Apple Bloom.
“Doh, I’b dot,” honked Silver Spoon. “I just took a pudch to the dose.”
“You have a nosebleed,” said Sweetie Belle. She levitated a hoofkerchief and gave it to Silver Spoon. Silver took it and held it over her nose to halt the bleeding. She reclaimed her glasses and looked at Scootaloo after putting them back on. She noticed that the pegasus had turned away from her – and was trembling.
“Scootaloo?” Silver Spoon called out softly.
Scootaloo didn’t turn around right away. When she finally faced Silver Spoon, her eyes were just as tearlogged as her victim’s. Her lower lip was quivering. Scootaloo was definitely broken up about something. The sight caught Silver Spoon off guard. She didn’t know how to react to this.
“I can’t fly, you jerk,” whimpered Scootaloo. “Your nose’ll get better; my wings won’t.”
Immediately following those words from Scootaloo, Silver Spoon felt the weight of her own cruelty upon her back – and it was far from a light load. When she and Diamond Tiara decided to exploit Scootaloo’s insecurity about her flightlessness to gain an advantage in their effort to win the flag waving competition, it seemed like a sound strategy. She recalled how much she enjoyed lacing into her along with Diamond Tiara. It filled her with a sense of superiority that catered to that dark part of herself. And while she had vowed to work on erasing that aspect of her personality, not everypony was as quick to forget the blows she had struck.
“I’b sorry,” whimpered Silver Spoon as she sniffled the blood that trickled from her nostril back into her throat and swallowed. “I really ab.”
Sniffling, Scootaloo ran outside and scurried up the steps to the observation floor.
“Scootaloooooo,” called out Sweetie Belle. She looked at Silver Spoon and frowned. “See what you did?”
“I do dow,” croaked Silver Spoon poignantly, averting her eyes.
Sweetie Belle left the clubhouse and climbed up the steps.
“Just give me a minute,” called out Scootaloo to the main floor via the ceiling hatch. Her voice sounded as though she had regained her composure. “I don’t want to miss Apple Bloom’s challenge.”
Minutes passed and Silver Spoon checked on her nosebleed. It had stopped.
Sweetie Belle returned to the main floor and Scootaloo followed shortly afterward.
“Again, I’m sorry, Scoo-”
“Hey, don’t sweat it,” said Scootaloo confidently as she firmly patted Silver Spoon’s left shoulder twice with her right forehoof. “We’re even now. Bringing up the past is just gonna make things awkward.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“Apple Bloom, you’re up,” said Scootaloo.
“This is why ah wanted ta go last,” said Apple Bloom. She cleared her throat repeatedly, bringing up as much phlegm as she could; collecting it in her mouth but not expelling it.
Silver Spoon groaned. She had had her fill of expectorate when Diamond Tiara spat upon her not long ago. Wincing, she closed her eyes half way and shielded her face with her left foreleg.
“Come on,” whined Silver Spoon. “Really?”
“Yeah, Apple Bloom, that’s kind of weak,” opined Scootaloo.
Apple Bloom reared her head back and launched the phlegm.
Silver Spoon shut her eyes and flinched – but didn’t feel spit land anywhere on her body. She slowly lowered her foreleg and looked for where the spit landed. She found the swampy, revolting mix of phlegm and saliva on the floor by her forehooves.
“Uh, Apple Bloom, you missed her by about a mile,” said Scootaloo.
“Ah know,” declared Apple Bloom. “But that’s because ah wasn’t aimin’ fer her.” She kept her eyes locked on Silver Spoon’s eyes as she spoke her next words. “Ah challenge you... ta eat that.” Apple Bloom pointed to her wad of spit.
“Oh-h-h, my Celestia-a-a-a,” quavered Silver Spoon as she scrunched her eyes shut.
“AAAAAAAAAH!!” screamed Sweetie Belle in horror.
“See, girls? Ah just got y’all free shots at ‘er. There ain’t no way she’s gonna do it.”
“Further proof that you’re the leader... or... president,” said Scootaloo.
Silver Spoon gulped and shivered.
“Do I really deserve this?” she asked.
“Do you even remember all the times ya messed with us fer no good reason?” said Apple Bloom. Closing her eyes, she struck a pose that a waiter might strike, holding a pretend tray with one forehoof and a pretend towel in the crook of her free foreleg. “Yer payback stew has been served, mademoiselle. Eat it now before it gets cold.”
“Oh, my gosh,” groaned Sweetie Belle, green with queasiness. “I think I’m gonna barf.”
“Then go do it in the trash can. Or here’s an idea: don’t watch.”
“I can’t help it.” Sweetie Belle dry heaved. “Glehhhhh.”
“Relaaax, Sweetie Belle,” said Apple Bloom. “She’s not gonna eat it. Only a crazy pony would even try.”
Scootaloo blinked.
“Whoa,” she said softly. “She hasn’t made a move for the door yet. She’s actually considering it.”
“Well, I’m down fer that, too,” admitted Apple Bloom. “Eat the loogie and we help ya – or ya can walk out that door and we don’t have ta do squat.” Apple Bloom closed her eyes half way and smiled confidently. “Ah guess it all comes down ta how badly ya want our help.”
Silver Spoon broke out in a cold sweat. She breathed audibly through her mouth as though in a state of panic. She kept her eyes forward and knit her brow. Each time she thought she was ready to lower her head and eat her objective off the floor, she gagged and turned away.
You can do this, Silver, she thought as she tried to psyche herself up. You swallow your own saliva all the time. Butterscotch. Pretend it’s a dollop of butterscotch topping that spilled off your ice cream sundae; a sweet, tasty... yellow-green dollop of butterscotch topping... which somehow has a moat of tiny spit bubbles around it.
She scrunched her eyes shut and concentrated on envisioning her vile punishment as a sugary treat.
“Okay, doing this on three,” she said to herself. “One... two... three.” When her face came within inches of the spit, Silver turned her head and aborted.
Try after try, she couldn’t bring herself to do it.
Silver felt her heart pounding. She grew angry at the part of her that was weak and unwilling to accomplish this task. She would never be able to forgive herself if she couldn’t seal the deal with the Crusaders. She used that anger to power a battle cry to summon her fighting spirit.
“GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!”
She quickly lowered her head, slurped up the salty mucous pile, lifted her head, and forced herself to swallow it down.
Scootaloo howled with laughter at the stunt she had witnessed.
Apple Bloom’s mouth hung open in shock.
“No way!” she exclaimed.
“What happened?” asked Sweetie Belle, peeking out from behind her forehooves. “Did she eat it?”
“Maybe; maybe not,” replied Apple Bloom as she approached Silver Spoon. She placed both of her forehooves on the gray filly’s muzzle and opened her jaw. “Lift yer tongue.” Silver Spoon obeyed and Apple Bloom inspected the area. When she was satisfied that there was no trickery involved, she released the filly and stepped away, her eyes as wide as saucers. “Well, I’lllll beeee daaaanged!”
“Did she eat it?” asked Sweetie Belle.
“Yeah, she ate it,” replied Apple Bloom.
Scootaloo got her second wind of laughter.
“SERIOUSLY?” asked Sweetie Belle.
“SERIOUSLY!” yelped Scootaloo.
“AAAAAAAAH!!! SHE ATE IT!” squeaked Sweetie Belle. “SHE REALLY ATE IT!! AAAAAAAAH!!!” Sweetie Belle ran circles around the clubhouse as she squealed and dry heaved over and over.
“THAT WAS SICK!!” howled Scootaloo, still amused by the spit consumption.
Silver Spoon drowned out the commotion in the clubhouse. She kept her eyes closed tightly and trembled.
“Ho-lee manure,” exclaimed Apple Bloom. “Ah didn’t think ya’d really do it. But a deal’s a deal. All’s forgiven, ah reckon.”
“Yeah, you’ve totally done your penance,” said Scootaloo, wiping her eyes free of tears. “Right, Sweetie Belle?”
Sweetie Belle could only nod as she fanned herself with her forehoof and continued to fight off the urge to dry heave.
“And now for the big question,” proclaimed Apple Bloom. “What in Celestia’s name was so danged important that you were willin’ ta get yer hair cut off, take a punch ta the nose, and eat a loogie ta get us ta do?”
Silver Spoon did not answer. She was still trying to erase the last few minutes from her memory.
“Hel-lo-o?” called out Apple Bloom.
Silver Spoon grinned smartly. She was an iron pony and she was proud of her determination to do what needed doing.
“So we’re really square?” she asked. “I’ve got a clean slate with you three?”
The Cutie Mark Crusaders looked at one another and nodded collectively.
“Yeah,” they replied.
Silver allowed herself a smile. She had the Crusaders right where she wanted them.
“Good,” said Silver Spoon. “Here’s what I need you to do for me. I want all of you... to befriend Diamond Tiara.”
The Crusaders looked at one another, their mouths agape.
Silver Spoon closed her eyes and smiled.
“And, by extension,” added Silver Spoon, reopening her eyes, “that includes befriending me.”
Eyebrows raised all around at Silver Spoon’s initial request but even moreso at this extension. Had she planned on guilting them into tormenting her from the start, thus making the act of renegging virtually impossible?
“Uhhhhhhhhh... heh heh... Could ah interest you in makin’ me eat a loogie instead?” asked Apple Bloom, smiling nervously.
“And would you be willing to settle for punching me in the nose?” asked Scootaloo.
“Can I have ten thousand bits?” asked Sweetie Belle.
“No, no, and Tartaros no!” shouted Silver Spoon as she turned her head each time to face and refuse each Crusader. “I made it through your little Crusader gauntlet. This is the favor I need and this is the favor that you’ll do for me. And don’t even think about welshing on me because if you don’t feel obligated to hold up your end of the bargain, there’ll be no reason for me to respect the gag order I agreed to. I’ll have no choice but to rat you out to your families about how you humiliated me here today... and I’d bet good money that you’re already in the doghouse with them as it is over plotting to kill Diamond Tiara.”
Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo flinched in unison, knowing that Silver Spoon had hit the nail on the head.
“No-no-no-no, don’t go doin’ that,” directed Apple Bloom, waving her forehooves to beg off Silver’s threat. “We’re good, Silver Spoon. We’ll do it. We said we would.” As Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo nodded in agreement, Apple Bloom shivered briefly, imagining how nightmarish a prolonged sentence of shoveling pig excrement would be.
“Di’s not a monster,” pointed out Silver Spoon. “She’s really changed – but there’s one last hurdle she needs to clear. What I’ve got planned is gonna take every ounce of courage she’s got and I need you to be there for her when she’s done the hopefully-not-impossible.”
“What is this plan?” asked Scootaloo.
“Sorry, Scootaloo, but that’s a secret. You’ll know it when you see it. When the time is right, give her your support and your friendship.”
“So if ya cain’t tell us what it is, can we at least know when it is?” asked Apple Bloom.
“I’m still working on that,” replied Silver Spoon. “I don’t have an exact date but I’m making all the necessary arrangements. It’s not gonna happen tomorrow but it won’t be that far off either... so be ready to deploy at a moment’s notice.”
“Deploy? You mean we might have to leave Ponyville?”
“Don’t worry. I’ll provide you with train tickets – the non-refundable kind – if it comes down to that. Just make sure you come running when I send for you.”
“Fine,” said Sweetie Belle.
“Now... have you got a pencil and some note paper?” asked Silver Spoon.
“What for?” asked Scootaloo.
“Pfft... You guys are so suspicious. Trust me; you’ll like this.” Silver Spoon gestured with her right forehoof, expressing her desire to be provided with the writing materials she requested.
Sweetie Belle levitated a small notepad and a pencil and gave them to Silver Spoon. Silver took the pencil in her mouth, set the paper down on the floor, and proceeded to write.
“What are you writing?” asked Scootaloo.
“You’re my friends now and you’re doing me a huge favor,” said Silver Spoon. “This is a small way of saying thanks. Give this note to Mr. and Mrs. Cake at Sugarcube Corner and tell them that Silver Spoon sent you. It’s a signed note asking them to give you three all the cupcakes, ice cream, and goodies you can eat. It’ll be put on my tab.”
“Best... friend... EVER!” exclaimed Sweetie Belle with the widest of wide smiles.
“Hey,” protested Apple Bloom and Scootaloo in unison while giving Sweetie Turncoat dirty looks.
“I’ll be in touch,” said Silver Spoon. The gray filly beamed with a cheerful smile. “And speaking of touch... I want to give my three new besties a great big hug!” She ran to each of the Crusaders and gave them a hug. “This is all gonna work out just fine; you’ll see. I’ve got to run. Later!” Silver Spoon trotted to the door.
“Bye,” muttered the CMC.
“Hey, Silver Spoon?” called out Scootaloo.
“Yeah?” called out Silver Spoon, stopping at the doorway and turning around.
“What did Apple Bloom’s loogie taste like?” Scootaloo smirked wickedly.
Silver Spoon tapped her chin and considered the question for a moment. She returned the smirk when she settled on an answer that she liked.
“Like Big Mac’s jizz,” she said, smirking at Apple Bloom before running down the ramp and away from Sweet Apple Acres.
“OHHHHHHHHH-HO-HOHHHH!!!” yelled Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle. The pegasus and the unicorn hoofbumped and laughed heartily at Silver Spoon’s rapier comeback. Apple Bloom, who was rendered speechless by the reply, stared blankly at the doorway where Silver Spoon had just made her exit.
Scootaloo and Sweetie’s Belle’s laughter subsided.
Apple Bloom snapped out of her stupor by blushing and wrinkling her nose.
“Rut; ah just got what she meant by that,” admitted Apple Bloom with a begrudging smirk and a kick to Silver’s braid on the floor.
Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo clutched their abdomens and fell over, squealing with laughter at Apple Bloom’s delayed reaction.